What should we do in the face of elderly people who are sick and lonely?

Good morning, young master.

I was deeply moved when I read your question.

I can see that you are a young adult who is trying to make your family happy through your own efforts.

In the face of a family member's illness, a 15-year-old child has chosen to seek help from a professional platform like Yixinli.

I admire the way your family is coping with this situation.

From your description, I can see that there are some specific circumstances in your family that are worth considering.

Let's take a closer look at this together and see if we can gain some insight.

I believe it would be beneficial to discuss the relationship between the grandparents.

It also seems that there might be some issues between Grandma and Grandpa.

It seems that there is a bit of a disagreement between them, and Grandma may be slightly more dominant in the situation.

If I might make a suggestion, I think it would be helpful to consider the following:

It's possible that the way grandparents communicate with each other is what you perceive as "arguing."

Despite their differing opinions and occasional disagreements,

This is simply their unique way of expressing themselves.

I would like to clarify that this does not imply any negative assessment of their relationship.

From another perspective, it could be seen that Grandpa is willing to compromise and show weakness to Grandma.

This also suggests that Grandpa may have a greater affinity for Grandma.

Ultimately, this is a matter between them.

We are merely bystanders in this situation.

Perhaps the best thing we can do is just watch their interactions with love and understanding.

Perhaps they are not as bad as you think.

If it would be helpful for you, you can also say kind words between them.

I believe that expressing appreciation for their kindness will bring joy to all.

I believe it is also a good choice.

Secondly, I would like to share some thoughts with you.

We must accept that we are powerless in this situation.

It is not within our power to make them as healthy and strong as they were in our memories.

It would be beneficial to acknowledge the reality that this is a challenging situation.

All we can do is:

Perhaps the best we can do is to accompany them wholeheartedly.

It would be wonderful if you could cherish the present and the wonderful time you spend with your grandparents.

It would be wonderful to look at every day with them with appreciation!

It would be greatly appreciated if you could treat them sincerely.

It would be beneficial to accept them and their way of life.

It might be a good idea to share your experiences with them every day.

It might be a good idea to share your joys and sorrows.

It would be wonderful for them to see the person you are growing into every day.

It would be wonderful if they could share their experiences with you.

I believe that such moments are among the most beautiful and genuine.

I believe this is one of the most valuable things.

If I might make one more suggestion, I would like to tell you:

I believe that being the best version of yourself is the most important thing for you.

This is not meant to be a comparison with others, but rather a reflection on how we can improve and grow from where we were yesterday.

I would say that I am a little happier than I was yesterday.

I would say that I am a little stronger than I was yesterday.

If I might make one more suggestion, it would be to...

If I might suggest, perhaps you could try using your eyes to discover the good things in life each day.

I believe that if you follow this advice, you will find happiness and confidence.

It would be wonderful if you could bring your grandparents the same happiness and confidence that you have.

I truly believe that they will be happy too!

I hope my answer can be of some help to you.

I hope your grandparents enjoy good health, and I wish you success in your studies!

I encourage you to keep up the good work!

I wish you all the best in your endeavors.

I hope this message finds you well. I just wanted to check in and see how things are going on March 17, 2022.

Hello, question asker! I am happy to answer your question.

First, give the questioner a big hug. The questioner is a filial child who is able to think of her grandfather and knows how to care for him. This is a sign that the questioner has grown up, and she deserves praise.

My grandfather is aging, and his body is not as good as it used to be. He can't sleep as well as before, and he can't do the activities he used to be familiar with, such as taking the host to school. The weakness of his body has seriously limited the scope of his activities. He stays at home more and finds a little hobby he likes through electronic devices.

This is the process of aging. It is a stage that everyone must go through.

I am going to share some information with you that I know will help you take good care of your elderly relatives at home and give them the care they deserve.

The elderly between the ages of 70 and 100 are considered high-risk elderly. Many suffer from memory loss, brain atrophy, Alzheimer's disease, serious illness, and other conditions, making it more difficult to care for them. I recommend a book to the questioner. CCTV has praised this book as a "family textbook-like treasure of care." This book is Zhang Danuo's They Knew I Had Been Here: Notes on In-Depth Care for China's First High-Risk Elderly.

The book is highly narrative, presenting rare details of the lives of elderly people at risk; it also provides a very delicate interpretation of their inner world. What is even more rare is that it also provides a lot of specific and practical caring methods and tips. I can confidently say that many readers have said after reading it that it has really solved their family's big problems.

The book provides some very practical methods.

For elderly people at risk, using the things they care about most as a "clue" is an effective way to persuade them.

Treating elderly people at risk like children is sometimes necessary, but it is also important to treat them like babies.

When an elderly person reaches the final stage of their life, find two or three sentences that encapsulate their whole life. These words will make them feel that their life has been worthwhile and happy.

We must appreciate and encourage the elderly person's interest in whatever it is. It is his conscious effort to make life more enjoyable and an unconscious continuation of his vitality.

As a family member, you must do something for the elderly person at risk that will deeply touch him. This will ensure that he will not doubt your affection when his mind is weak.

When it comes to consoling the elderly, one sentence from another elderly person is always more helpful than a hundred words from our family members.

If you find the elderly person "nagging" or annoying when they repeat something, you can persuade yourself like this: they only have a few hundred words in their lifetime.

Look for a kind word that will make the elderly person happy. Repeat it over and over in the days to come. The elderly person will not be afraid of repetition.

If possible, let two elderly people who are friends live in the same hospital or nursing home. This is an invaluable source of comfort. Also, never tell an elderly person that his best friend has died.

Prolonging and strengthening the elderly's memory of some basic experiences is a sure way to prolong their mental and even physical health.

You will quickly gain their trust by noticing and meeting their small needs.

The best gift you can give an elderly person is to pretend to learn a skill or piece of knowledge from them.

Children and old songs are a source of stimulation for the vitality and memory of elderly people at risk. It is crucial to let the elderly come into contact with these stimuli regularly.

*Remember the elderly person's special speech acts and expressions in the state of brain atrophy, and use these expressions to comfort them at certain times. They will believe your words more.

If initial efforts to resolve the issue fail, adopt the method of "procrastinating and ignoring" for the sadness of some confused elderly people. Insisting on resolving the issue prolongs their "impression" of this sad event, which is not good.

When the elderly begin to be silent, it is the silence of life itself, the degeneration of life itself, and this degeneration is even more terrifying. Do not let them be silent.

Set up a "wall" of photos of loved ones near the bed. This way, they can see them when they look up, and the warmth is within reach.

Believe me when I tell you that it is precisely because they are on the verge of life that the vitality of elderly people at risk may surprise us. If you notice this, you will be able to grasp and use it to encourage them.

As a 30-year-old, I have personally seen many relatives pass away. We must be patient and tolerant when dealing with the elderly. You never know when they will go, so make the most of the time you spend together now to avoid any regrets in the future.

I am confident that my answer will be helpful to the questioner.

I am confident that my answer will be helpful to the questioner.

Hello, host.

After reading your words, I have a range of emotions. Your current situation is not easy, and it is even a bit challenging. However, you, who are only 15 years old, seem very calm and collected, and your thinking and expression are very clear.

I'm sorry to say that your question doesn't mention your own needs. It seems like you're looking for a way to keep your elderly and frail grandfather from staying up late at night, and you want to do something for him to make him happy. I hope you'll consider including your own needs in your search for solutions. Hugs to the kind, gentle, and lovely you.

If I might make a suggestion, I believe that…

I'm sorry to have to tell you that there are limits to what we can do, but it's something we all have to face at some point. So, although you're still young, I'd like to share my honest opinion with you for your reference: whether a person can make visible changes towards health and happiness depends on their relationship with others and, more importantly, their relationship with themselves.

How might this be understood? Here is a brief explanation based on the information you have provided.

[1] Grandpa's relationship with others

I believe the original poster has made some insightful observations. The first three points you described seem to describe the relationship between the grandfather and the important people around him.

First and foremost, the relationship with his grandmother is of paramount importance to him, particularly as he transitions into adulthood. Forming a couple, they both bring with them the hope of being loved, cared for, and supported. After all, they have to be together for the rest of their lives, but it seems that there is always a significant discrepancy between ideals and reality. Grandma often reprimands grandpa, and grandpa often engages in disputes with grandma. Even now, grandma still reprimands him, although they don't engage in disputes anymore.

It is possible that living under verbal violence every day may lead to a lot of negative emotions. It may be the case that attacking his grandmother in return (arguing) may be one way for him to vent his negative emotions. However, it may still be difficult for him to truly relieve his negative feelings, because after attacking and being attacked, they will continue to get along in this way. It may be the case that this will harm their physical and mental health.

I've heard a saying that I find quite thought-provoking: it suggests that as much as 70-80% of human diseases may actually be caused by emotional problems. While it's true that science is currently unable to prove the relationship between emotions and diseases with absolute certainty, I do believe there is merit in exploring this further.

The second is the relationship between your grandfather and your father. If I'm not mistaken, your father remarried because he encountered insurmountable difficulties in his first marriage. It may be challenging for him to emotionally care for and support your grandfather.

It seems that Grandpa is unable to make friends outside the family through social activities like going out to play chess. This may mean that he lacks high-quality relationships with the people around him. It seems that Grandpa is unable to receive the warm companionship and attentive care from others that would satisfy him. It could be said that in a good relationship, others can indeed bring Grandpa health and happiness, but Grandpa does not bring the same to others.

I'm afraid there is little we can do about this.

It would seem that Grandpa's relationship with himself could be improved.

The fourth rule described by the original poster could also be seen as a brief description of the relationship between the grandfather and himself, perhaps even how the grandfather gets along with himself.

I am continually impressed by the insight of the original poster. It seems clear that Grandpa is holding his phone late into the night because he is lonely. Rather than risking his health by staying up late, it may be that he would rather cuddle up with his phone. This could be a way of coping with an emotional void that has been left by a long-term lack of fulfilment.

It might be helpful to consider that a virtual relationship, like a mobile phone, could potentially be used to temporarily fill this hole.

It could be said that the need for mindless games and junk messages is not a real need, but rather a need for love and warmth. It would be ideal if this emotional or spiritual need was adequately met by parents during childhood and if one is able to give oneself love and warmth in adulthood. This would mean that one has the ability to care for oneself even when there is no one else to do so, and to embrace loneliness and maintain a healthy and positive state of mind.

In essence, they possess the capacity to maintain their own well-being and positive state of mind.

I feel that there is often a discrepancy between what we aspire to and what we achieve. It is unfortunate that there are not more people who possess such abilities. I am concerned that Grandpa's relationship with himself may not be as ideal as it could be. He stays up late watching the phone, which may be because on the one hand he has limited ability to be healthy and happy, and on the other hand it is because he is now old and weak, and he himself is someone who needs to be taken care of carefully at all times.

I would like to suggest that by "care," we don't just mean taking care of his daily needs and medical treatment, but also his emotional and spiritual life. Given his current state, it's understandable that he is losing many basic abilities, which is a natural law of life.

I'm afraid there is little you can do about it.

Perhaps you could consider spending time with your grandfather.

Perhaps we haven't yet had the opportunity to discuss your relationship with your grandfather. The details you shared in Article 5, where your grandfather uses an elderly vehicle to take you to school, painted a warm and heartwarming picture of your life.

Given that you and your grandfather still have a good relationship, you feel for him and hope that he doesn't stay up late and that he can be happy again.

Given that you grew up with your grandparents, and even when he was old, your grandfather would get up in the morning to see you off to school, it seems fair to assume that he would appreciate your presence and company. After all, you are his only grandchild, and he is likely to value your rare warmth and companionship, as well as the care you can provide.

I imagine you must be very busy with your studies at the age of 15. Do you stay up late because you have a lot of homework to do? What time do you usually get off school?

If it isn't an imposition, might I suggest that you consider setting aside some time each day to chat with your grandfather after you've finished your homework? You could talk about anything that's on your mind, such as his illness, how he's feeling physically, his needs, or even your days at school. And if it's not too much trouble, would you be willing to play chess with him on his phone?

Perhaps you could ask Grandpa if he would be willing to share some of the military, political, and historical stories that he reads. It might be interesting to hear his thoughts on them.

If you show genuine curiosity and concern for your grandfather's well-being, he may enjoy spending time with you. Even if the time is short, it could bring him a lot of emotional satisfaction.

Perhaps you could agree with him that after playing together, you will both go to bed obediently. However, if he insists on staying up late, it might be best not to specifically stop or criticize him, because his need for the phone actually means that he cannot fall asleep until he has exhausted himself from scrolling. He may feel that sacrificing his sleep is the only way he can satisfy his most core needs.

Perhaps you could invite him to go to bed when you go to bed, but allow him to accept or refuse your invitation.

Perhaps you could also reassure him that you can get up early enough to go to school on time and that you can manage your studies and daily life on your own. This will surely put his mind at ease, and he will be delighted to see you thriving in a healthy and happy state. A positive mood and a calm state of mind are conducive to good health and happiness.

It would be wonderful if you had the opportunity to spend time with your grandfather. I'm sure the time you spend together will become one of your happiest memories.

I would like to express my love for the world and for you.

I can only imagine how tough it must have been for you. It's not easy when your parents are not around.

Your grandparents were the best of friends. It seems that your grandmother was the stronger one, always scolding your grandfather, and your grandfather would sometimes fight back.

But after your grandfather was diagnosed with kidney failure, your grandmother stopped arguing with him. I think when you heard that,

Your poor grandfather was so confused and sad when he kept losing at mahjong. He had no friends when he became ill, and that was so lonely for him.

Grandpa stays up late because he's lonely and has no friends.

Before, when they were well, they could even drive you to school! But now, sadly, their health is failing.

You're only 15 years old, which is still young! It seems like you're not responsible for things that you should be doing at your age, but your grandfather is really putting a lot of pressure on you.

Your grandfather is so lucky to have such a kind and thoughtful grandson like you. It's a real blessing!

It may seem like she is lonely, but she is actually very happy. Your grandmother and grandfather's quarrels are actually a kind of psychological connection. This is the way they get along and the way they are connected. Only by quarrelling can they prove that they still

They still care about each other, bless them!

Oh my, you're already 15! This is the third year of junior high school, and I bet the workload is pretty intense.

I truly believe that your grandparents' greatest joy is seeing you grow up healthy and happy. It's so wonderful that they also find happiness and joy in your company.

You've relied on each other and supported each other for a long time, and it's been a real journey.

Make the most of every moment you spend with them. You can even learn to play chess and play chess with your grandfather!