When someone speaks to me, it annoys me, and afterwards I always regret it and feel that I didn't say enough to hurt their feelings.

Hello!

I just want to wish the poster and her little one all the happiness in the world! It's so lovely to see a mother and baby growing up together.

I can't help but feel a bit nervous for the questioner when I hear that they've encountered such a friend online.

It seems like the other person might not be able to sense the questioner's feelings and is only interested in satisfying her own curiosity. I can understand how that could be a bit disturbing for the questioner.

You mentioned deleting her, and it seems like the questioner is aware that he has limited patience and is ready to handle any interpersonal issues that may arise.

You mentioned deleting her, and it seems like the questioner knows that he has to be careful with this person and not let his patience run out.

You made the choice to befriend me, so I know you'll be careful about your actions.

If you meet someone like this again, you can say something like, "I'm sorry, but I feel a bit offended when you ask me this question. I really need to take care of my baby right now."

I'm sure you have lots of other things you could be doing with your time. I'm really sorry, but I need to take care of the baby. I don't have time to chat with you.

"

While the questioner is expressing their unhappy feelings, they might also feel a little annoyed that they didn't fight back more strongly. They might also worry about why they are feeling this way.

This whole range of emotions shows that the questioner really wants to take good care of herself, be considerate, and look after herself.

This situation can help you gain some new insights. For instance, if you sometimes feel like you don't express your feelings enough, you can learn to be kind to yourself, understand your feelings, and embrace your emotions. It's okay to feel bad, depressed, a little worried, or angry.

It's so important to communicate with your trusted friends. With their understanding and support, you can express your feelings more and more. You'll be amazed at how this helps you to be more authentic and lovable!

Dear poster,

I read your message very carefully and have extracted the following, with my "personal understanding" in brackets. I hope this is helpful!

"Because we have similar problems, right?" (Could this be understood as the pregnant woman in your group currently facing problems similar to those you encountered during your pregnancy?)

"I told her she's so lively and cute! She said she's really lucky!" (This pregnant woman in your group doesn't think she'll be as lucky as you. She feels that "the situation you described seems very unlikely to her.")

"What do you mean, it's really a blessing? I'm sure everything is going to be just fine." (The poster is sharing her own perspective, which is also a valid interpretation.)

Then she asked me again, "Is the baby okay?" I had already answered her earlier that it was fine, but she asked again because she was still very anxious and wanted to confirm that the good news was true. She couldn't believe it, and her anxiety might have been a "not-so-positive perception" that was contrary to the host's perception. I got a bit upset at that point. (Your later description is, "I was already anxious about various things before I got pregnant.") I told her again, "She kept asking me if something was wrong with the baby." (She was still in her original perception. Although she had already heard the truth, she still couldn't let go of her original perception and anxiety. It seemed that she could only soothe her anxious "young" heart by constantly being reassured by the other person.)

"I added her in the spirit of comforting a pregnant mother's anxiety. After all, I've been there myself, so I know how it is." (What a kind woman you are!)

I totally get it! There's this law in psychology called the ABC method, which basically says that different people have different understandings of the same situation. It's all down to how we perceive things, isn't it? Understanding is "personally subjective."

From adding "WeChat friends" with love to "I told her again that I wasn't feeling well... but I wish your baby well," it's clear that the host is a kind and virtuous person!

It's so hard to be a good person and do good things! It's rare and valuable, and it's something to be celebrated.

There are just three things in this world: my own affairs (take responsibility), other people's affairs (don't get involved), and the affairs of God (I accept them)!

*The original poster has already done a fantastic job of taking care of her own affairs!

*"The host can let go of the way she treated you. (Although her expression was a bit inappropriate, it's tough for anyone in the role of a "mother" to sound "emotionally stable," especially when she "doesn't get along" with us. We don't have any family ties or anything like that. We're just kind folks who don't seek anything in return). However, how she communicates with others is not something the host can "improve" through a single communication. This is her business (other people's business).

*"I just kept thinking that it would have been better to say something that would have made her even angrier. There were similar things like that. I want to ask why?" "How to change"

This is something the landlord can work on on their own. The landlord feels their emotions, and it's important for them to understand that behind these emotions are thoughts that can make you feel uncomfortable. Try to express what the "emotion" wants to say, identify the emotion (such as anger, grievance, etc.), and find the positive meaning of this emotion. What is the psychological need that this emotion wants to tell you? You can learn your own life lessons through this incident, and you will no longer repeat similar things and experiences in the future. Your old way of thinking will be broken, and a new and better cognitive model will be established, and your life will be happier! (You can take a course in emotional management.)

Give someone a rose, and your hands will be filled with fragrance. It's a wonderful thing! Those who give love will receive love in return, and blessings will follow those who send blessings out into the world!

I wish you all the very best!

And may your whole family be happy!

And I just want to wish you all the very best for your little one's health and happiness!

Hello!

Host:

I am Zeng Chen, a Heart Exploration coach. I have carefully read the post and I can feel your regret from the content!

I also want to commend you for being so brave in expressing your distress and actively seeking help on the platform. This is an excellent way to gain a deeper understanding of yourself and make positive changes.

Now for the best part! I'm going to share my observations and thoughts on the post, which I think will really help the poster to look at the situation from a more diverse perspective.

1. Let's explore together why you regret it!

The interaction between the poster and the pregnant woman in the post seems to have made the poster feel uncomfortable, right? First of all, I totally get why the poster is upset.

At the same time, I also noticed that you mentioned regret. So let's dive in and explore together why you regret!

It seems that the host is eager to embrace a more ruthless approach!

So, if the original poster expressed the words that were not expressed and then deleted them, would you feel better? Let's try to feel that!

On the other hand, if we look closely at the children around us, we may notice this fascinating phenomenon: even if you hit a very young child, he will hit you back, no matter who it is!

Oh, is there?

Then, through this amazing phenomenon of a child, the host may be able to better understand why he wanted to say those harsh words. Because he felt "attacked," the instinctive reaction at that time was to attack back.

And if we don't attack back, something amazing happens! We have the incredible opportunity to express our emotions in a reasonable way.

(For example, feeling that you were not ruthless enough at the time is also a kind of attack on yourself.)

2. Expressing emotions in a reasonable way

Now that we've explored the first point, we know that the reason we regret something may be that we haven't expressed our anger. So, if we want to change, we can try expressing our anger!

Be less "provocative." This is a choice—and a great one!

Absolutely! We have other options. We can express our emotions reasonably, gently but firmly.

And the best part is, we can do that! We can express our feelings to the other person.

I've found it really helpful to say something like, "When you do this, I feel this and I hope you'll do that." It's a great way to express ourselves. We can say how we feel and what we want, and we can ask the other person what they can do to help. It's a great way to get our needs met!

We know exactly how to hurt ourselves, but we also know exactly how to heal! If you're interested in learning more about how to communicate more effectively and express yourself more gently but firmly, I highly recommend reading the book "Nonviolent Communication."

3. Change your perception!

Changing our perception doesn't mean what you're doing is wrong. It means you can change your perception and live more easily and happily!

I once had an incredible experience like this. One morning, I saw a teacher post a status update saying that she had encountered such a person and event early in the morning and was very angry.

So, I replied below that I allow myself to be angry for 5 minutes, and then I put this person and this matter behind me. The teacher replied that it is enough to give yourself one minute, and it is not worth wasting my 4 minutes for such people and things. I have to keep my good mood!

For the landlord, sometimes if we let go of the hurt that someone has caused us, we can live a little more easily!

Of course, letting go does not mean forgiving the other person. But you know what it does mean? It means you get to take responsibility for your good mood! You are responsible for your own emotions, and that's a great thing!

From a psychological point of view, the only person who can hurt us is ourselves — and we have the power to choose how we react!

I really hope these words will be of some help and inspiration to you!

Thank you for your question. I would like to extend my congratulations on becoming a mother. During your pregnancy, it is important to pay attention to regulating your emotions, which is beneficial for the baby.

If I may, I would like to share my thoughts on the matter.

We all have a lot of anger. Sometimes we suppress it, but then we feel really angry and think, "I shouldn't have held back. I should have made the other person feel bad. It feels like eating a fly. I can't let it go. I've felt like this before. So far, I think I can manage my emotions a little. So, here's what I do: I talk to you about it.

We all have moments where we feel anger and can be offended by others. It's important to manage our anger well, as it can hurt both ourselves and others. We can choose to think, "She just doesn't know how to speak nicely," and be less likely to hurt feelings. Or we can choose to think, "Oh well, it's fine, my baby is healthy anyway."

Perhaps we will always think about those few words she said, making us feel a certain way and prompting us to respond in a certain way. Could we consider using empathy to think about it? Is there something going on with her baby's checkup (let's hope everything is healthy), so she feels like she is caring about me? Thinking about it this way, I also feel that she may have had some kind of experience that she hasn't yet had the chance to talk about, and I will worry for her instead.

Emotion management is a significant topic that we all have to navigate. By learning to regulate our emotions, we can cultivate greater stability and peace within ourselves, which will also benefit our children in the future. As the saying goes, parents are the anchor of the family. I believe that we can all benefit from developing our temperament and character, and learning to respond to situations with greater calm.

When we are angry, it is important to find a way to release that anger in a constructive manner. If we suppress our anger, it can lead to further issues down the road. It is essential to find a way to express our frustration in a reasonable manner. If that does not work, we can simply acknowledge our feelings in our heart, without letting the other person know. This can be a helpful way to release the anger. Alternatively, we can write down our thoughts and then discard the paper. These are all ways to release anger in a productive manner. If we are experiencing anger, it is important to recognize that it is not helpful to suppress it. Instead, we should find a calm and peaceful way to release that anger.

Perhaps if we learn to release anger, we will be able to get along with others better. Even the best of friends can anger us. If we suppress it, it can cause internal injury. If we release it irrationally, it can hurt the relationship between friends. Therefore, it may be helpful to release anger reasonably. One way to do this is to write it down, then tear it up or burn it, so that the other person doesn't know. We may also feel released, and we may even consider the other person's feelings in the future. It may be helpful to forget it. He made a careless mistake, and he has also done such and such before, for my own good. It may be a trivial matter, so it may be helpful to let it go. This may strengthen the friendship.

If I might make one more suggestion, I would like to wish your baby good health and safety, and I wish you a good mood too. You might like to try this approach and see if it works for you. You could also use this method to let off steam with other things, writing about your anger and only you knowing.