When you are targeted because of yourself, will you fight back?

Good morning, everyone! I got your invitation last night, and I'm so grateful for your trust.

After reading through the question, I'm excited to dive into analyzing it from a personal perspective! While this incident happened a while ago and the question itself may only represent a fragment of the questioner's life, I'm eager to explore the insights this analysis can offer. It's a great reference point for now!

The questioner is currently interested in learning more about how others cope with similar situations. This is a great opportunity for the questioner to gain insights and explore ways to handle challenging situations.

If it is the first one, the questioner can absolutely handle it in the way they are used to! Mindfulness, meditation, and exercise and fitness are actually very good ways to go about it. You can also talk to your counselor about this matter to see if there are any new discoveries or inspirations.

If it is the second one, I will definitely try to list some possibilities and then we can think about and discuss them together!

From an instinctive point of view, the brain usually responds to this type of event in an amazing way: by hitting, fleeing, or freezing. Hitting may be the "fighting back" mentioned by the questioner.

Escape can be about fleeing or avoiding, which are both great options! Stagnation is similar to doing nothing and remaining still, which is also a perfectly valid choice.

From a psychoanalytic perspective, what we did could be considered a defense mechanism. The questioner can review whether there were similar situations when dealing with other similar incidents. This can trace one's inner self, and it may be an amazing opportunity for self-exploration and growth!

Of course, in reality, the questioner also took practical factors into account. First, we were not talking on the phone in an absolutely public place. The women's changing room is a relatively hidden place, and this may be because we didn't want to disturb others.

Second, when someone else gave us a nudge, we were quick on the uptake and dealt with the situation in a flash by staying silent and ducking behind the others. I think this series of actions was spot on!

The person who feels affected may feel that they have already reminded the questioner, but after saying something they did not get a response that they considered timely, they perceived the situation as an affront to themselves and so directly activated an aggressive defense mechanism.

Since the questioner was actually on the phone, we had to juggle a lot at once, so we didn't get to chat directly with the other person. But after this incident actually happened, the woman who cursed at you may have already moved on because she'd let it all out!

Guess what! After two weeks, we remembered this incident again. So are there any other emotions involved, such as a sense of guilt? This brings us back to the first point of our initial analysis.

The great news is that there is no right or wrong way to deal with it. If there is a part of this feeling of guilt, then based on the previous understanding, it may be related to various aspects of the poster's growth experience. This can be continued to work on and deal with with your own counselor, or you can do more self-exploration and growth.

That's all for now! It's a new week, so I wish you a happy day!

Hello. You were so caught up in the conversation that you didn't realize you were affecting other people. The other person verbally attacked you. You know you were wrong, but you feel more aggrieved and regret it.

It's frustrating when you don't do something on purpose and the other person's first reminder is full of malice, followed by insults. Verbal attacks from strangers make you feel doubly disrespected. What you regret is why you didn't react in time. Even if you don't fight back, you can explain that your actions were caused by an unconscious act and express your emotional feelings.

Why do you dwell on the past? Maybe because you thought there was a better solution or a different perspective afterwards. Perhaps when you don't express your anger, you'll become more and more angry, attack yourself, feel like you didn't play your role well, and think about how you could have fought back. The truth is that there's no such thing as regret because you know that these are only solutions that appear afterwards. The choice you could have made at that time was the best choice you could have made at that moment, a choice given to you by your conditioned reflex. Maybe if you had argued with her and cursed at her, afterwards you'd feel that you were so impulsive at the time, that you should have been more careful, and that you should have been able to hold your temper.

No matter what you do, there will always be conflicts. So, if you encounter this kind of problem next time, you can just solve it the way you think now.

It's not about how we deal with it, but about the stability of our inner personality. Just tell yourself that the choice you made at that moment was the best for you, and there's no need to say there's a better choice. This way of thinking will change.

We can look at what happened, think about how we could have done things differently, and then work out how to do things better next time.

Hello, question asker! I'm Qu Huidong, a psychological counselor who can make images speak.

The guy making the call was using a loud voice in the gym changing room, and a woman next to him kindly asked him to lower his voice. However, he didn't respond right away, and she said some not-so-nice things about him. At that time, the guy chose to remain silent and move to another place to continue the call, rather than directly respond back.

I'm thinking about my own behavior right now and I'd love to know how others would respond in a similar situation.

I think the original poster made a great choice at the time. Instead of getting into a fight and getting caught up in justifying yourself, he finished the task at hand. It's so important to remember that if you encounter someone who is unreasonable and won't let go, no matter how much we try to justify ourselves, we will fall into the trap of the other person and be led away.

However, being called a "nutter" is hurtful and can feel quite overwhelming. It's important to apologize for our actions: "I'm sorry, I spoke too loudly. I'll be more careful." When it comes to responding to "nutter," we can lighten the mood with a joke: "Do you need any medicine?"

You can also express your emotions by saying something like, "You were so aggressive just now, it scared me." Of course, if you want to be more assertive, you can tell the other person, "Please watch your mouth!"

It's so important to remember not to let thinking about how to argue back become a drain on yourself. Slow speech is scary, and we are easily confused in the moment of a "conflict." So, take a deep breath and calm yourself down first. "Calmness gives birth to wisdom" is always useful.

At this time, you can also use some of the communication methods you've learned this week.

Wishing you all the best!

Dear questioner, I can feel your confusion and unease from your account of this experience in the gym. It is indeed uncomfortable to be accused for no reason in such a situation. But you handled it perfectly!

I have to tell you, though, that your way of handling the situation was absolutely fantastic! You showed incredible generosity and restraint.

First, let's dive into the situation! In the changing rooms of the gym, everyone is looking for a nice, quiet space to relax and get ready.

You were so caught up in chatting with the agent that you didn't realize your voice was a little loud. This doesn't mean you meant to disturb anyone, it was just an accidental hiccup!

The lady's reaction may have been just an outburst of her emotions that day, or she may have been more sensitive to noise.

Let's try to see the situation from her point of view! Maybe she was going through something unpleasant at the time, or maybe she is naturally very sensitive to noise.

Therefore, her reaction may have been a bit strong. But in any case, her behavior does not mean that you are a "nervous person," nor should it be a reason for you to deny yourself.

I'd love to share a little story from my life with you. Once, I was reading in a coffee shop when a lady next to me was probably dealing with some urgent work and she was talking on the phone a little too loudly.

Although it bothered me a little, I didn't let it get to me! I simply chose a seat a little further away and continued reading.

Later, she probably realized that her voice was a bit loud and took the initiative to lower her voice. We smiled at each other and it was so nice to understand each other's situation!

This story shows us that we can avoid many unnecessary conflicts simply by maintaining an understanding and tolerant attitude. Even small things can affect others, but if we can keep an open mind, we can avoid a lot of problems!

I'm thrilled to answer your question! I think you did an absolutely amazing job handling the situation. You kept your cool when you were accused and didn't engage in any arguments.

You made the excellent choice to remain silent and avoid the situation. This was a great move! It prevented the conflict from escalating and gave you some space to think calmly.

I totally get it if you still feel a little uncomfortable. It's totally normal to feel a little emotional when being accused for no reason!

But I want to tell you something really important: this kind of emotion is totally normal, and we don't need to suppress it or deny it. We can choose to accept it and try to find something positive in it!

For example, you can view this experience as a great reminder to be mindful of your words and actions in public places to avoid causing inconvenience to others. At the same time, you can also view this experience as an amazing opportunity to train yourself to deal with conflicts, and improve your ability to respond through reflection and summary!

I've got some more specific advice for you! First, try paying more attention to your volume when communicating with others. This will help you avoid affecting others because of your loud voice.

Second, if you find that your actions may have caused inconvenience to others, you can apologize and adjust your behavior. This is a great opportunity to show your willingness to make things right! Finally, if you encounter a similar conflict, you can choose to calm down first, express your views and feelings in a gentle tone of voice, and try to avoid arguing back directly. This is a chance to demonstrate your ability to communicate effectively and find solutions together!

In short, dear friend, you are not responsible for other people's emotions. Your way of handling the situation was absolutely fantastic! It showed your excellent breeding and prevented the conflict from escalating.

I really hope you can keep up this calm and rational attitude in the face of whatever challenges life throws at you. And I really hope you can be brave and express your own views and feelings, and not let what others say negate your own value.

You absolutely deserve to be respected and loved! I wish you all the best and every day full of sunshine and warmth!

I totally get where you're coming from. When you're having a private conversation in a public place, it's easy to get so caught up in it that you forget about your surroundings and other people.

When someone else suddenly accuses you, it can be a bit shocking, embarrassing, or even anger-inducing at first. But you did the right thing by staying silent and moving to another place to continue the conversation. That's a great example of restraint and reason!

Let's take a closer look at this together.

Let's take a moment to explore this issue together from an emotional perspective.

Oh my, that must have been quite the surprise! When someone suddenly interrupts and accuses you while you're absorbed in your phone call in the changing room, it can be a bit shocking and even make you feel a little embarrassed.

Self-doubt: At that moment, you may have started to wonder if your behavior was really bothering others and if your voice was really too loud.

Conflict and Restraint: When the other person used unkind words, you may have experienced a bit of a dilemma. On the one hand, you wanted to defend yourself; on the other hand, you were aware that you might have caused a disturbance in a public place.

In the end, you made the wise choice to restrain yourself and not get into a conflict with her.

Inner Struggle: At the moment the other person spoke rudely, you probably experienced a violent struggle within. On the one hand, you wanted to defend your dignity and not be accused groundlessly. On the other hand, you knew that it was basic courtesy to remain quiet in a public place, so you were caught in a dilemma.

It's totally understandable that you would feel a range of intense emotions in that situation. It's not easy being treated so rudely by a stranger. I can imagine your emotions went through a rollercoaster, from initial shock to subsequent embarrassment, anger, and finally calmness and restraint. It's no wonder you felt the psychological pressure.

Let's take a rational perspective on this together.

Noise pollution in public places: In modern society, noise pollution in public places has become an increasingly serious problem. Whether it is talking loudly on the phone, playing music, or other noises, it can cause disturbances to those around you. We can all do our part to help!

So, let's all do our part to keep public spaces nice and quiet by keeping our voices down when we're out and about!

It's so important to remember that our behavior affects not only ourselves but also public order and the interests of others. In public places, it's always a good idea to remind ourselves to be mindful of our personal behavior so that we can maintain good public order and a harmonious social environment.

Rules of conduct in public places: In public places, it's always a good idea to think about whether our actions might bother other people. Even if you didn't mean to, talking loudly in the changing room might have been a bit disruptive.

So, from this point of view, the other person's accusations are not entirely unreasonable. But we can definitely work on improving our methods and approaches!

It's always a good idea to try to see things from the other person's perspective. Even though her words may have been a bit harsh, it's possible that she was just trying to maintain a quiet and private environment in the changing room. If you can try to understand the situation from her perspective, it might help you feel more at ease.

I'm so proud of you for choosing to manage the conflict in such a sensible and mature way. Instead of getting into a fight with the other person, you chose to back down and divert.

This approach is a great way to avoid further escalation of the conflict and show your generosity and restraint.

Of course, you handled it very well! But if the other person gets too heated, you can also choose to politely remind her of her words. While defending your rights, you can also show that you're tolerant and poised.

Above all, it's so important to keep the lines of communication open and to try to understand each other, so that we can all enjoy a harmonious and friendly public environment together.

Let's think about how to handle it when someone is being mean to you.

Let's think about the pros and cons of arguing back. If you choose to argue back, it might give you a temporary sense of satisfaction, but it's likely to escalate the conflict and even trigger a bigger conflict. In addition, it might damage your image in public places.

There are so many reasons not to argue back! You made the wise choice to stay silent. You know your own faults, so you avoided further conflict and embarrassment. You also showed everyone that you're mature and reasonable.

How to Deal with Conflicts: In this situation, you made the wise choice to avoid conflict by remaining silent and withdrawing. This was a great way to protect yourself and also prevent causing any unnecessary trouble for those around you.

Of course, there are also times when we need to learn to stand up for our rights. This doesn't mean getting into a conflict with the other person, but rather expressing your demands and dissatisfaction in a reasonable and civilized manner.

Take something good from this! Even though this has been a bit of a rough experience, you've learned a valuable lesson. You've gained a newfound awareness of the importance of being mindful of your personal behavior in public places. You can choose to see this as a positive thing and use it to remind yourself to be more careful about your words and actions in public places in the future.

As a modern person with quality and education, we should definitely keep on improving ourselves and our public awareness. It's not just for our own benefit, but also to help create a more civilized and harmonious social environment.

Together, we can make a difference in our society by practicing self-discipline and self-management.

We kindly ask that you join us in working together to create a peaceful, civilized, and harmonious public environment. Let's start with ourselves and then encourage those around us to join us in making a positive impact.

I truly believe that if we all work together like this, we can create a better society.

In summary, you showed a high degree of reason and maturity in the face of this unexpected situation. I'm so proud of you for choosing not to argue back. Not only did you avoid a possible conflict, but you also demonstrated your generosity and forbearance.

I know you've got this! Keep up the good work and I'm sure you'll be able to handle any future challenges with ease.

Hello, I'm Strawberry.

Some people may think they're doing the right thing, but if they're not handling it the right way, they're not really doing the right thing. They're just letting their emotions get the better of them.

Take a step back and look at the situation from all angles.

The questioner was chatting on WeChat and making phone calls in the women's changing room at the gym. As the name suggests, the changing room is a place for members to shower, change clothes, and tidy up after exercising. In such a place, apart from following some of the gym's rules, there's no requirement that we can't chat in the changing room or that we need to control the volume.

A female member who had entered the dressing room said to the questioner, "Can't you keep your voice down when you're on the phone?" It was clear from this remark that the other person was displeased. As a gym member, the questioner also has the right to use the dressing room. Furthermore, as it is a public place, the other person could have politely reminded the questioner.

Instead of treating the questioner like that.

The questioner was too wrapped up in his phone conversation to hear the other person's rude reminder. When he saw that the questioner was ignoring him, the other person got angry and started insulting him.

The questioner also feels like he's at fault in light of the other person's behavior, so he just stays silent and doesn't respond. In this situation, the questioner isn't sure if his approach is correct. How should one deal with such verbal attacks from the other person?

What's the best way to handle other people's impolite reminders?

Nobody's perfect. We all make mistakes without realizing it. If it wasn't intentional, we can show some understanding and tolerance, give a gentle reminder, and give the person a chance to correct it.

It's important to understand emotions. The questioner was talking on WeChat and making phone calls in the dressing room, which is perfectly normal. This is their freedom. They have the right to stay in the dressing room and do their own thing without harming the gym or other members.

In the same situation, the other person told the question owner to "remind" them because he couldn't accept the question owner's voice level while talking on the phone. When the question owner didn't follow his advice, the other person got angry and started using abusive words to express his anger.

It seems like the other person was unhappy that the questioner was talking loudly on WeChat or the phone in the changing room, which makes it easy to overlook the real problem. The other person was actually taking out their original anger on the questioner's phone-talking behavior. The other person was in a bad mood themselves, and they took the questioner's voice as noise.

It's important to distinguish between the situation and the other person's behavior. The questioner said the phone was loud, but this definition is based on the questioner's perception. Without complaints from others, the questioner's voice may be within an acceptable range. After all, the dressing room isn't a library, where sound is limited to a certain decibel.

The other person's "reminder" prompted the question owner to think about speaking too loudly in public. The question owner's silence showed they were willing to admit their mistake and realize that they hadn't considered how their behavior would upset others, not because they were afraid of the other person's attitude.

If the other person gives the questioner a polite reminder, they can also give a reminder in action. But the other person is obviously taking a direct commandative attitude towards the questioner. So in this matter, it's not the questioner who's wrong, but the other person who has a bigger problem.

☀️Self-preservation: When the other person was being impolite and unreasonable, the questioner didn't say anything to defend himself or herself because he or she felt like he or she was in the wrong, so he or she basically agreed that the other person was right.

But the other person's attitude is clearly unfriendly. Sometimes silence makes the other person think they're right and that they can keep going. Appropriate "retorts" are a way to protect yourself and defend your rights.

For example, if someone says, "Can't you keep your voice down when you're on the phone?," the questioner can respond in a calm and polite manner. In fact, the questioner can even ask the other person to apologize, which will show their attitude and make the other person realize that their way of expressing themselves is problematic.

I hope this helps the questioner. Best regards,