Who gives confidence to oneself? How can one cultivate confidence in a negative energy family?

Hello!

All understanding and empathy is in this moment of grasping and saying nothing. Let me get straight to the point.

Confidence is when you think you're good, capable, and worthy. It includes feeling accepted by the world, in control of your life, and deserving of respect and love.

The word "basically" is important because it shows that everyone has limits and that self-confidence is not about being better than others or needing others to love you.

Self-confidence is a stable sense of self that says, "I'm good, I can do it, I'm worthy." This is my answer to the original poster's question.

Where does self-confidence come from?

A sense of self is formed from birth onwards through interactions with family and caregivers. This is the most important interaction with oneself.

Your parents' reactions and responses affect you. This affects your confidence in infancy, childhood, and adolescence. At this stage, the self has little power and accepts the parents' evaluation as its own. It cannot distinguish between facts and feelings.

If your parents comfort you and encourage you, you will feel confident. If they attack you and reject you, you will understand.

Parents can't always give positive feedback, but if you get enough basic reassurance and encouragement, you will feel confident.

How can you become confident?

You gain confidence gradually in an environment that gives you enough assurance. Feelings change, so you need to experience enough events and experiences that make you feel good about yourself.

In adolescence, you still need external acceptance and affirmation. If your peers and teachers constantly criticize and belittle you, it will be hard to maintain your self-confidence.

Some children with high IQs and self-confidence are less affected.

Your grades and popularity affect your confidence because you've developed critical thinking and know that others' opinions can be wrong. If you're bad at something and always fail, but everyone lies and says you're great, you won't believe it.

You know you need to work hard to improve and grow. You believe in confidence only when it's been tested.

Can you be confident alone?

As you enter adolescence, you become more aware of reality and yourself. You can rely on your own judgment to identify areas for improvement and work towards them.

You can't rely on your own self-confidence. Even if you believe in yourself and work hard, you still need some reference from others to help you think for yourself.

If you know who you are and what you want, you can set your own standards and ignore the world's values. Mother Teresa is a good example.

How can you be confident when living in a family full of negative energy?

This question is powerful. You are doing the right things to protect yourself. You are aware, thinking, choosing, facing the truth, and growing.

Your parents need you to help them feel better about themselves. As a child, you didn't have a choice. But now you're an adult.

The more you explore yourself and take responsibility for your life, the more power you will have to resist emotional blackmail by your family. Your mission is to become yourself.

Give your parents back their responsibilities. This is difficult, but you've already done a lot of work and can perceive and reflect, so I applaud you.

How can I get along with such a family?

It depends on how you define "getting along well." Giving parents back their responsibilities doesn't mean you stop caring about them.

True love makes people grow. Giving them back their responsibilities is true love, but it will cause conflict.

Conflict is not bad. It is an opportunity to grow.

How far you and your parents can grow depends on you. Growing up is painful, but you can choose to transcend it.

There is no right or wrong choice, as long as you're willing.

Maybe you have your own idea of what's "good." Just do what you want and accept the results.

If so, it's a life you've chosen. This is happiness.

I wish you happiness and peace!

That's it. I love you.

Hello, and thank you for your question.

After reading your question, I can see that you're feeling confused and disoriented. Is that right?

1. Regarding self-confidence:

In answer to the question, "Who gives you confidence? How can you be confident in a negative family environment?,"

I've always expected others to affirm me and care about me, but now I find that the more I expect, the sadder and resentful I become. At first, I thought I was worthless. After studying psychology and listening to other parents about how to deal with their children, I learned how normal parents deal with their children. I began to resent my parents for being weak and not teaching me anything. They taught me in a negative way and were highly controlling, which also brought me negative energy. I had to take on their negative emotions for them. Whenever I saw her, I felt hatred. She was lazy, had a lot of negative energy, and could not think from my perspective. She killed my self-esteem (the first time was when I was a child. She insisted that I go to my grandmother's house, but I didn't want to go. If I didn't go, she would hurt herself to make me obey).

Since then, I've been afraid to disobey her in case she hurts herself."

It seems like you, the questioner, haven't been yourself lately.

It seems like you're always taking care of your parents and others' emotions instead of focusing on your own. Is that right?

I want to give you a hug and tell you it's tough. But you're not at fault.

At the end of the day, a lot of our parents are flawed and have their own limitations. This can lead them to treat us, especially younger us, in ways that are hurtful.

When I talk about this, I'm just sharing the truth. These truths aren't about right or wrong, good or bad. We just need to accept them.

It's clear that this is the root of your lack of confidence. It stems from your inner child not feeling confident about receiving love from your parents.

However, we can become our own inner parents after we become adults. We can love our inner children, give them love again, and make them believe that they are worthy of love and trust. In this way, their self-confidence will naturally grow back like a seed.

2. Seeking recognition.

In terms of seeking approval, I can see that your parents are actually very lacking. They can't give you the psychological nourishment of support, encouragement, and trust, etc.

Instead, it gives out some blame, criticism, etc. This will make your hungry soul feel very hungry, right?

So, you'll probably look for recognition, affirmation, support, attention, and so on.

Again, it's not your fault. This is a family legacy of scarcity that has been passed on to you, and you've unconsciously chosen to accept the results.

If you want to break this cycle of scarcity, you can find a professional counselor to help you. Based on my experience, learning, and practice, I believe this is a viable path.

3. About resentment.

In terms of the original poster's resentment towards their parents, I'd say, "Hate away." Don't suppress or restrain it; allow yourself to hate as much as you want.

If you hate, you'll see love again one day.

In psychology, we believe that love and hate are two sides of the same coin. Without one, the other simply doesn't exist.

However, when we're afraid to hate, it's often because guilt is affecting us. In fact, the OP will have some feelings of love for family members because they've given you the experience of love.

If we don't have this part of love, it's difficult to grow up.

At the end of the day, we all need to believe that no matter who our parents are or how they treated us, we were born to be treated kindly and loved. And we deserve all the goodness in the world.

So, you can confidently decline unkind treatment from others and have the freedom to choose a lifestyle that suits you.

I hope these answers are helpful to you. I love you, and I think the world loves you too.