Why can't I define the dormitory relationship among all interpersonal relationships?

It's totally normal to feel like an outsider in a new situation like this. It can be hard to integrate into a small group and feel like you belong. It's natural to feel a bit suspicious when you're in a new place. It's okay to ask yourself, "Why is this happening?"

Maybe it's because you're so sensitive that you can really tune in to what's going on. You can see that in your dorm relationship, you're not quite as honest with others as you could be and you haven't really let them get to know you that well.

To really understand how deep a relationship is, we need to think about how much you can trust each other. Do you ever feel like you can't trust them? Is it your first time living in a dorm, which can feel really strange?

It's totally normal to have doubts about your environment when you're new to it. It's like when you try a new food and it's not your favorite—you don't want to waste it, so you try to like it even though it's not your thing.

It's totally normal to feel this way when you're new to a situation like this. It's like you're trying to figure out if you can trust the people around you. It's okay to feel this way! It's just a matter of time before you feel comfortable. I would recommend going back and seeing if the other roommates are similar. They might be just as unsure as you are, but they'll probably be nice people. You'll probably find that they're great to have around. Good luck!

ZQ?

Good morning, My name is WeiZhiPeng from Yixinli. I am writing to provide some information about systemic psychotherapy, which is one of the four major schools of modern psychotherapy, along with psychoanalysis, cognitive behavioral therapy, and humanistic therapy.

I must confess that I am not entirely clear as to what you mean by "emphasizing a harmonious atmosphere." Would it be correct to assume that you are willing to make any concessions to others for the sake of a harmonious atmosphere?

If my assessment is correct, your colleagues will also be perplexed by your conduct. You have no position and do not endorse any particular viewpoint, whether right or wrong. Consequently, it is probable that you will remain an "outsider," as you have described.

In a dormitory setting, any action taken by an individual will have an impact on others. Even if no action is taken, the reaction of others to the individual will still occur and will be interpreted in their own way. This will result in the phenomenon previously described.

It is inevitable that other roommates will interpret any of your actions according to their own understanding.

Achieving harmony in a dormitory setting is a challenging endeavor. Disagreements and conflicts are to be expected. When striving for harmony, maintaining a certain distance from one another is a necessary aspect of achieving it.

The consequence is that each roommate can only maintain a certain distance from you. There is no guarantee that you will not compromise your principles for the sake of "harmony."

Hello, I am Yiya Tree, and I will help you face this issue.

From your description, it's clear you have mixed feelings about your dorm roommates. You mentioned some warm moments, and I'm sure you were happy during those. However, there were also plenty of arguments, conflicts, and instances of mutual harm. These must have been frustrating and hurtful for you.

This is the complexity of human nature. In a person or a relationship, there will be parts that make you like and be satisfied, and there will also be parts that make you hate and dislike. These two parts will appear at the same time. When they appear at the same time, it is difficult for you not to feel conflicting emotions. You will think that they are good in some ways, but you will also feel angry and uncomfortable with some of their shortcomings. Your immediate problem is integrating these two conflicting parts, so you will feel split inside.

You crave relationships and value a harmonious atmosphere. You expect a relationship to be full of warmth and goodness, and you deserve that. The reality is that your relationship with the people in the dormitory shows both good and bad sides, which makes you torn. This makes your relationship seem stuck, unable to flow smoothly. You said it yourself: "I want to be intimate but I can't, but the relationship is not at the point of breaking up." You are caught in this awkward situation of "tasteless if you eat it, but a pity to throw it away." You know what you want, and you deserve it.

This kind of situation is very common in interpersonal relationships. There are four main types of interpersonal relationships:

The first type is a very harmonious and compatible relationship. You two are a perfect match. These friends rarely have conflicts with themselves, and the things that suit you are the majority. It's very easy and pleasant to get along with them, and there are almost no unsatisfactory parts. You are lucky to meet this kind of friend. However, this kind of relationship is rare. The second and third types are more common.

The second type is the very incompatible type. There is no common ground, so there's no point in trying to make it. Some people are just not compatible with us. Being together with them is mostly full of conflicts and troubles. Dealing with this type of friend is simple: leave. There's no point in getting tangled up with someone you can't get along with.

The third type is the love-hate type. This type of relationship is the most common type, and it is also the type of relationship you have with the people in your dormitory. This type of relationship is very torturous because you can feel that there is a lot of warmth in the relationship, which makes you reluctant to leave. But if you say it's okay, it's not that good either. There are also many hurtful parts, which make people feel especially hurt and uncomfortable. You can't get close to them, and you don't feel the need to leave.

Your immediate needs determine the development of this relationship.

If you need affection and warmth, and you can't find it elsewhere, you'll stay in this relationship. It may have shortcomings, but you need companionship and a sense of happiness.

You will find a better friend in the future. These dormitory classmates will not hurt you like those friends will. You will have many warm moments with them. I am certain you will choose a better relationship without hesitation. People are constantly updating their choices based on weighing the pros and cons.

The original poster is struggling because they haven't found a better relationship. They want to stay in this one, even though it has flaws, because they're choosing to tolerate them to keep the parts they like.

I am confident that my analysis has helped you solve your problem.

If you still have questions, click the link in the bottom right corner to "Find a Coach" and we can communicate one-on-one.

Ee-Yaa Tree

It is important to remember that while roommates and friends share some similarities, they are not exactly the same. Just like family members, roommates are usually assigned to us and we cannot choose them. We can only accept them as they are. However, family members have the bond of unconditional rejection and blood ties, while roommates are independent individuals who may not always be able to be unconditionally tolerant and loving. Roommates and classmates are usually the same age, have the same score line and the same major (or perhaps a cross-disciplinary major), but classmates do not require you to live together in harmony. You can keep your distance from each other, but it is still important for roommates to live in harmony behind closed doors. The thing that roommates and friends have in common is that you will spend a lot of time together, but friends are people we choose to be with, while roommates are different.

Harmonious roommate relationships can be like family and friends, bringing a pleasant feeling to our university or dormitory life, and eventually developing into loved ones and close friends. However, an unharmonious roommate relationship can also lead to greater challenges, such as feelings of "coldness and isolation." If this is the case, it may be helpful to reflect on whether there has been a confusion between the "roommate" and other relationships, excessive expectations, or a lack of communication between each other.

In any case, you are about to graduate, and after graduation, your roommate will just be a memory that is mentioned at reunions with your classmates. It would be beneficial to consider whether you will have any other interactions with each other in the future.