Why can't I regain sincerity by changing my friends?

In Chinese culture, there is an old saying: "It is enough to have one bosom friend in life." This suggests that a friend who truly understands one's inner self is not something that can be actively sought but rather encountered by chance. It is not the case that just anyone one meets can become a friend. The vast majority of people we encounter in our lives are merely passing strangers. Some individuals who could potentially become friends may not be able to maintain that relationship for the rest of their lives. When people's values, beliefs, and circumstances change, friendships may also deteriorate into mere acquaintances who happen to get along well.

Even friendships that are only transient should be appreciated. If they are able to withstand the test of time, then they are doubly worthy of gratitude. It is precisely because such relationships are uncommon that they are valuable.

The questioner's sadness can be attributed to their desire for a friendship that is rooted in sincerity. In an effort to foster this connection, they offer their friendship and hope for a reciprocal gesture.

It would be beneficial for the questioner to consider the other person's perspective. If someone were to extend an invitation to a few meals, would the questioner regard that person as a lifelong friend and divulge their innermost thoughts and feelings regardless of circumstances? It is likely that such expectations are not entirely realistic. The questioner's perception of sincerity is based on a limited number of interactions, whereas the other person's view is shaped by a broader context.

In reality, even for ordinary colleagues, it is not uncommon for such invitations to be extended on a few occasions. It is important to recognize that the other person may not be able to discern one's emotional state.

The questioner must consider whether this individual is truly a friend or merely a drinking buddy who flees when adversity arises.

A genuine friend is someone who can comprehend and offer support to one another. Even if they have not seen each other for an extended period, they will not feel uneasy. This type of friendship cannot be cultivated through dining and gift-giving; rather, it necessitates communication and mutual adaptation. Therefore, the questioner should not be concerned, as they will naturally encounter someone who is equally compatible.

Dear question asker,

I can appreciate your question about why it might be challenging to find true love from a friend.

It could be said that relationships between people are based on needs. These needs can be observed in a number of different contexts, including obvious supply and demand relationships, such as those between businesses and customers. They can also be seen in relatively hidden ones, such as when two people with similar interests work together and are able to gain pleasure from each other. Even the needs of sadists and masochists could be considered to be a form of relationship based on need.

From your narrative, it seems like you're hoping to gain a deeper understanding of how others feel in your friendships. It's important to remember that true feelings are a subjective matter and that everyone has different standards. If you're hoping that others will respond to you in the same way you treat them, it might lead to some disappointment if they don't.

Everyone has a different personality. For the questioner, they may care more about the closeness of the relationship and feel secure in a harmonious and intimate relationship. However, for some people, they are not as dependent on relationships and prefer to deal with things like data and objects. For these people, dealing with people is not something they are particularly skilled at.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider how we might adjust this sense of loss within ourselves.

If you feel aggrieved, it may be an indication that the giving and receiving in the relationship is not equal. You might consider reducing your own giving appropriately and ensuring that next time you are willing to give before giving. If you would like the other person to reciprocate, you could ask for what you want in a direct and respectful way.

For instance, you might consider asking the other person to assist you with something in an area where they have expertise.

It would be beneficial to enhance your ability to give yourself a sense of security and do more things that enhance your sense of self-worth. It is important to remember that the sense of security that others give you is passive, and the choice is not in our hands. However, through your own efforts, you can continuously improve your abilities and feel the value of yourself in the process, which can bring you a great sense of happiness and satisfaction.

As your inner self becomes more stable and stronger, you may find that others are drawn to you.

I must admit that I am not the most knowledgeable person in the world. However, I am grateful for the opportunity to share my thoughts with you. Thank you for reading!

Dear Question Asker, I was fortunate to have the opportunity to read your message. Even though we are not in person, I can sense your frustration and also your kindness.

I would like to extend my support and encouragement to you in the form of a warm embrace.

First, consider your external environment. You have expressed a desire for romantic relationships with your friends, yet you feel that these connections are not fulfilling.

For example, if you extend an invitation to him five times, he will not reciprocate by extending an invitation to you once. Similarly, if you offer gifts to people as a means of socializing, you may still feel that your sincerity is not acknowledged and that you are let down, even though you have treated them with sincerity.

From this description, it is evident that you treat your friends with the utmost respect and consideration. However, despite your best efforts, the results you are seeking have not been forthcoming. In today's value-based economy, it is crucial to recognize that everyone's approach is driven by a unique set of motivations.

There is always a rationale behind an encounter, whether it be a gift or a lesson.

Secondly, you have indicated a preference for not being alone. However, superficial relationships can also be a source of unhappiness. It is uncommon to find three or five close friends in one's life.

It is not always the case that colleagues become friends, and having common interests does not necessarily make someone a friend. A friend should be someone you can be on equal footing with and confide in. A friendship should be more than just a mutually supportive and reciprocal relationship; it should also resonate on a spiritual level.

I would like to suggest that low-quality companionship is not as beneficial as high-quality solitude. It is possible to enjoy the company of others while also benefiting from solitude, which can help to enrich oneself and overcome feelings of loneliness.

Please provide your thoughts on this matter.

Ultimately, it is essential to assess your own performance and identify areas for improvement.

Embrace your own shortcomings.

Nobody is perfect, and mistakes are an inevitable part of life. They serve as a reminder that our abilities are limited. There are tasks we excel at, and there are tasks we are not suited for. There is no shame in that.

An understanding of this concept is essential for self-acceptance.

?2. Effective communication is essential in both professional and personal settings. I suggest reading "The Art of Conversation" and watching additional videos on speaking with high emotional intelligence, which may provide valuable insights.

3. Invest in your own professional development. It is never too late to learn new skills.

The internet offers a wealth of educational resources, including online courses on a variety of topics, such as personal development, professional skills, and financial management. Investing in your own growth and learning can lead to significant benefits in your personal and professional life.

I encourage you to give it a try.

Additionally, it is unwise to form friendships with those who engage in excessive eating, drinking, and leisure activities until you have accumulated sufficient financial resources. Those who prioritize pleasure in their younger years often face significant challenges in their later years. Individuals who are less resilient may rely on external support, but those who are more resilient tend to rely on their own resources.

Love me, appreciate me, disappoint me, let me down. The circle is small, but it's good to be transparent!

Hello, question asker!

From your description, I can feel the expectations in your heart at this moment when you ask the question and the desire to have good interpersonal relationships. I can also feel your dedication and kindness towards your friends. I think interpersonal relationships are really bothering you, so I want to give you a big, warm hug!

From your description, I would love to ask the questioner, "Can you realize when you have this feeling? What kind of role do you play at home?"

The questioner finally revealed: "Maybe it's my own problem, but I'm excited to learn how to adapt myself better to these things. I truly value relationships and hope to treat the people around me sincerely, but I've realized that people are mostly on their own, which gives me the opportunity to support them in their own journeys."

From the bold description of the questioner, I can feel that the questioner pays particular attention to how others feel and perceive them, and wants to be nice to others in order to get others to be nice to them. Do you feel this way?

The great news is that it doesn't matter if you don't! If you do, it could be because the questioner is not very confident in themselves or lacks a sense of security, or they may be the neglected character.

So, which one are you?

It's so great when you're aware of the problem and actively looking for a solution! It's much better than being deeply involved in it without knowing it and wasting energy.

I want the questioner to realize what kind of person they can become! If they achieve their expectations, how will they feel differently?

What amazing efforts have you made to help you achieve the way you want to be?

We should never blame others because we have no control over them. The good people in our lives bring us happiness, the bad people bring us experiences, the worst people bring us lessons, and the best people bring us memories!

We just need to face all our experiences, and it's a great thing to do! It's also important to remember that it's his right to treat you and do things the way he wants. And it's your choice how you treat yourself and what you do. Instead of staring at others every day, what they have done, said, or done, it is better to cherish yourself, take care of yourself, and be a good person.

There's a great saying: "Please be kind, but also a little radiant." It's a fantastic way to protect yourself!

Today is 525, and I love me! I really hope the questioner can pay more attention to and love themselves. Because when you love yourself, it's contagious! And when you love yourself, others will love you too!

So, I've got a few tips for you!

Let's talk about some fun ways to get your heart pumping and your endorphins flowing! Appropriate exercise

For example, yoga, aerobic running, walking, etc. are great ways to release negative emotions, relax, and enjoy the amazing feeling you get after an invigorating workout!

And there's more! Reasonable confiding

Find a suitable listener to turn your internal language into external language and release it all at once!

And there's more! You can also try meditation and talking to yourself.

Mindfulness meditation, emptying the self, learning to reflect on oneself, examining the heart correctly, clearing up complicated emotions, talking to oneself, and caring for oneself more—these are all incredible ways to live your best life!

④ Discover your potential!

People who are different are often willing to try new things, discover their potential, and ultimately find their true selves. If you want to be someone different, it's time to re-examine your daily life from a new perspective and make some exciting changes!

fifth, find a hobby and learn new skills!

Keep learning new skills, read new books, and challenge yourself! Don't let your biological age, IQ, experience, etc. hold you back from trying new things.

And don't be afraid to fail! You are not as impressive in the eyes of others as you think you are.

There is so much beauty in life, and we are not alone!

From the small loneliness and frustration to the heavy pressure, pain, and anger. And then there is the feeling of a strong thunderstorm of physical and mental injuries. We all have to admit that we have no choice but to make a living, and we can do it!

But the good news is that we can adjust our mindset, integrate our resources and strengths, and strengthen our inner selves!

This is why it's so important for us to create a space of independence for ourselves. We need a space that is quiet, stable, and safe, where we can cultivate our inner selves, soothe our wounded selves, and give ourselves the greatest support.

No matter what problems you encounter, don't give up! I'm here for you and I'm always ready to support you!

Come on! Let's do this!

Hi there!

Is it tough to make a close friend?

It's tough! It's really tough!

And it's even more challenging in today's society!

The reason is that modern society has changed the way people live. People don't chat together after meals, and they don't have the energy to meet friends without any pressure. Everyone is busy, busy adapting to work, life, child-rearing, promotion, loneliness, etc. There is little energy left after the limited energy has been divided up. Before the economy developed so much, everyone could easily enter the crowd and share experiences and feelings, confide in each other, and do things without planning, as long as they completed the work or studies planned. However, in the current era of rapid economic development, people's living standards have improved due to economic development, and the development of science has brought convenience to life. People prefer to talk to their phones, and they fool themselves into thinking that such relationships are fulfilling and that they are leading a fulfilling life.

However, there are still many people who are looking for genuine emotions, such as love and friendship.

Friendships are always important and meaningful. As Confucius said at the beginning of the Analects, "Aren't you happy when a friend comes from afar?" Having a close friend is a great thing that's not easy to find.

People's idea of what it means to be a friend has also changed over time. It used to be that you were a friend if someone was always there for you. But that's not the whole story. You can't call a relationship with someone you drink with a close friendship. You can't call someone you know casually a friend either. And you definitely can't call someone a friend if they use you. These kinds of friendships don't nourish the relationship. They destroy the feelings between you until there's no more emotion left and the relationship ends.

Having a close friend is a great way to improve your life. It can help you feel less lonely and anxious. Plus, when you support and care for someone else, it makes you feel good too. Having a good relationship with someone is healthy and can help you grow.

In the river of life, friends are like life preservers in the rapids. They keep you afloat and safe, even when the waters get rough.

So, the question is, are people really that indifferent?

You could ask, "Are people basically good or evil?"

This question is similar to the question of "What is love?," and we know there's no one answer. What we can be sure of is that when emotions are involved, things become distorted and we can't see their true faces.

So, what's the reality of the situation in a relationship? Well, it all comes down to whether I can love myself and others. If I can't love myself, I can't love others. That's why in any relationship, we need to talk about our feelings and explore them. It's not about solving the other person's problems, but about solving our own first. Seeing our own problems is the best way to solve them.

Take loneliness, for instance.

The questioner said they can't enjoy being alone, but we know being able to be alone is an important skill. If you can't enjoy being alone, you depend more on other people and show your emotions more than you should. So, people who can't be alone are actually more anxious in their relationships, while those who can calm down are better at controlling themselves and taking responsibility for their emotions.

So, the question is, how do you make a close friend?

While times change, people's need for sincere emotions remains a fundamental one. That is, they need to understand and feel loved. A close friend is someone who truly understands each other. Only someone who truly understands each other can enter each other's hearts and become a close friend.

1. Be yourself and express yourself sincerely. It's easy to make a friend, but it's rare to make a true friend who is there for you. A sincere heart is the most important thing for making a close friend. You can only express trust and share happiness with each other when you're sincere.

2. Try to see things from the other person's point of view. A healthy relationship is built on mutual understanding. We all have different perspectives and sometimes there will be disagreements. But if you can put yourself in the other person's shoes and try to see things from their perspective, you can find solutions that work for everyone.

3. Know right from wrong and cut off bad friends. People who always push problems outward and distance themselves from them are not ideal partners. They're not mature. They only talk about taking, not about giving and working hard. It's easy to imagine how dangerous and terrible a peaceful relationship based on sacrifice is.

4. Improve your own internal sense of security and handle things with moderation. It doesn't matter how much you talk about giving; if you don't value your own abilities, you'll never be able to improve your sense of security, no matter what problems the other person creates. You'll always be passively waiting for someone to comfort and care for you, which is a misplaced development and makes the relationship unequal. You can only truly establish a stable and healthy relationship by recognizing that you have the ability to change.

Only when you love yourself first can you get rid of your insecurities, change your passive position in the relationship, and often, mental growth also brings about transformation in the establishment of independence and self-confidence.

Wishing you the best!

Good day, my name is Du Xi.

In light of your recent disclosure, I am compelled to extend my sincerest sympathies. I empathize with the isolation, perplexity, and disillusionment you have conveyed.

It appears that you aspire to cultivate amicable and intimate relationships with others, yet your efforts seem to be met with inadequate responses. Let us engage in discourse to ascertain potential avenues for fostering more fulfilling interactions.

You inquire, "I am seeking to understand why I am unable to elicit genuine emotional responses in return for my efforts to establish a friendship." You utilize the term "exchange" to describe the emotional responsiveness you desire. What are your thoughts on the nature of such emotional responsiveness?

Does this imply a sense of quid pro quo? Alternatively, is the abstract concept of "sincerity" replaced by the tangible object of the sincerity one desires?

If one believes that sincerity can be quantified in material terms, it becomes evident that there is no universal standard for evaluating it. In an exchange between two parties, each may perceive the other's actions as lacking sincerity. Instead, the feelings experienced may be based on whether the transaction is perceived as "worth it" or "fair."

For example, if one were to visit a hair salon and receive not only hair styling but also complimentary beverages and snacks, one would likely perceive the experience as worthwhile and enjoyable. In such a scenario, it is important to ascertain whether one feels gratitude towards the stylists for their kindness, or whether one perceives their actions as insincere.

Conversely, if the service provided is inadequate, a sense of worthlessness may ensue. It is thus imperative to ascertain whether one is treating others with sincerity and whether reciprocal kindness is being traded for in a veiled manner.

As previously stated, if one extends an invitation to another individual on five occasions and receives no reciprocal gesture, such as a sporadic return invitation, gifts, or normal social interaction, it is reasonable to conclude that the initial act of generosity was not reciprocated. It would be beneficial to take the time to reflect on the underlying emotions and sources of dissatisfaction that may have led to this conclusion.

The emotion of resentment arises from a perception of inequity. When an individual feels that they have provided more than others, they may experience a sense of injustice. This can lead to a dilemma in which one must decide between pursuing fairness or sincerity.

The term "sincerity" is open to interpretation, with each individual holding a unique definition. There is no universally accepted definition that can be applied universally.

In this context, "sincerity" refers to the quality of being completely open and honest with the other person, without any expectation of reciprocity. It entails a willingness to be fully open-minded and to engage in the interaction without any preconceived notions or expectations.

I am benevolent towards you not because you are benevolent towards me, but because I am motivated by a desire to be benevolent. You elicit a positive emotional response from me, and I am gratified to be benevolent towards you. I perceive this to be a worthwhile endeavour.

It is also possible that you exhibit some characteristics of a "pleasing personality type." Rather than acting out of personal volition, you may find yourself driven by a desire to gain the approval of others and to align your actions with their expectations. This can manifest as a tendency to engage in behaviors you may not fully endorse, particularly when you are seeking to avoid solitude.

It would be beneficial to ascertain whether any individual has ever truly occupied a position of emotional proximity within the subject's heart. Additionally, it would be advantageous to determine whether the subject's heart is characterized by a sense of warmth.

To avoid feelings of indifference, it is essential to cultivate genuine enthusiasm and warmth, rather than merely feigning them. When one genuinely feels warmth within, it becomes possible to love oneself, avoid feelings of loneliness, and radiate warmth to others.

It is this author's belief that when one is able to bring warmth to others, the sincerity of those individuals will not be too far away.

It is recommended that, when feasible, individuals engage in public welfare activities that entail direct interaction with people, such as visiting nursing homes or children's welfare institutions. During these interactions, it is advised to communicate with the individuals in a sincere and dedicated manner, providing companionship and engaging in conversation for a minimum of 20 minutes each.

Please describe the nature of the changes you have observed in your inner feelings. I look forward to your reply.

Hello, question asker. I can see you're feeling confused, and I'm here to give you a big hug!

It's totally normal to have some interpersonal problems now and then. I'm here for you, and I give you a warm hug!

I totally get where you're coming from! I used to have the same confusion as the original poster.

Later on, I came to understand that even if I make friends with someone, since I did it on my own accord, there's no obligation for them to be nice to me.

However, it's a different story when it comes to the service industry.

In the service industry, they'll treat you well because there's a relationship of interest involved.

You'll keep coming back for more of their services as long as you're happy with how they treat you.

But if you just want to be friends and you are nice to others, they might feel like they shouldn't be nice back because they think you want something from them.

So, if you are kind to others and make friends with them, but they don't return your kindness, don't worry! It's totally normal.

If you're still feeling confused, it might be helpful to chat with a professional counselor.

A consultant can be a great help from a third-party perspective. They can offer you advice that is more pertinent, useful, and constructive, without a critical eye or an objective attitude.

I really hope the problem you're having gets solved soon!

I'm so sorry, but I can only think of these things now.

I really hope my answer was helpful and inspiring for you! I'm the respondent, and I study hard every day.

Here at Yixinli, we love you and the world loves you too! Wishing you all the best!