Why do a 21-year-old college girl feel a loss of freedom in the past two or three years?

Hello,

Luckily, I can give you some advice.

From what you've written, I get the sense that you're a very organized person. But, for whatever reason — maybe because of family issues or the various labels that today's society puts on college students — you might feel like some of the things you want to do aren't really what you want to do.

It's not uncommon for friends or family members to raise objections when you want to do something. If they don't, it might be because of some inner thoughts that have been generated by your learning habits in school over the past 20 years.

Why do I say that? The truth is, it's not so bad when you go to university. There aren't too many academic tasks, and you have a lot of free time. This stage of university life is actually about constantly developing our ability to learn on our own and our motivation to do so.

As you've noticed, you have a lot on your plate but not a lot of time to do it all. It's a tough spot to be in, and it's natural to feel overwhelmed. You've identified that you want to do things now but can't always do them well. This is a great place to start. Let's use this as an entry point and look back on the past to understand why you might have developed this way.

As I said earlier, universities focus on teaching you to learn on your own and to motivate yourself. Before university, we probably followed the rules more, doing what we were told to do at the right time. There were also monthly exams, mid-term exams, and final exams, which were all rules and regulations that kept us on track during the learning process.

With this kind of approach, we don't have to think too much about our studies or learning methods. We may feel that as long as we follow the school's rules and the general process, we'll be fine. Since we're at school every day and every hour is planned out, we don't seem to need to do anything, so we just follow the rules.

After 18 years of habit formation, we tend to view learning as a step-by-step process and meeting requirements. We've come to value the ability to manage our time. So, it's understandable that we might find it challenging to juggle multiple tasks at university. We may feel that our desired activities are incompatible with the rules and regulations because of our other commitments. We may not be able to meet the requirements and rules when we do them, and we often blame ourselves and worry that we've made a mistake.

So you really want to do something, but your to-do list gets in the way and distracts you. You end up doing something you don't like and feeling down. You're torn between wanting to do something and not doing it.

Given this situation, I suggest we make a list of what we need to do and what we want to do. The things we need to do are probably more about meeting regulations and requirements, so the rest of the time is free, unregulated, and without requirements. Can we put the things we want to do on the agenda through our plans?

It's important to remember that we've entered the university stage of our lives. This means making sure our lifestyles, ways of thinking, and learning styles align with the university's teachings. For instance, university students have the time and opportunity to participate in various club activities, join the student union, and engage in social responsibility initiatives.

It's important to understand the difference between university and our previous learning status. It's a great way to enter the workforce and bridge the gap between what we've learned and what we're learning now.

We need to keep our ability to learn while also adapting to the pace of social work.

Meanwhile, you also mentioned in your question how to better plan your time, your life, and your career.

I think you've got a good grasp on what to expect from university. What changes can you expect?

Once you understand all this, I think you'll get to know yourself again and rediscover the lifestyle and learning model that's right for you. That way, your university life will be more meaningful, and you'll be able to adapt to the pace of social work as soon as possible, so you can take control of your future.

I wish you the best of luck.

If you want to keep the conversation going, just click "Find a coach" in the top right corner or at the bottom, and I'll get back to you directly.

One Psychology Q&A Community, World, and I Love You: https://m.xinli001.com/qa

Hello!

I'm a heart exploration coach. Learning is a treasure.

From your description, I can see you're struggling.

I won't go into the details of your troubles with freedom, but I'll give you three pieces of advice:

Think back to what happened in the last two or three years that made you feel less free.

What happened in the last two or three years that made you feel this way?

You said you're a 21-year-old college student who always wants to do things on your own. You feel depressed and realize you don't want to do that. Is it because you feel forced? Or because you've been following other people's way of life? In short, you have to figure out why you have these thoughts.

To clear up your doubts and change your situation, you need to understand the reasons.

Second, think about the reasons you found.

A rational perspective helps you understand yourself and reality.

To look at things rationally, do the following:

Your own thoughts and feelings are more important than those of your family or others.

Maybe you grew up listening to your parents and doing what they wanted. You want their approval, so you do what they ask. But you have to understand that their thoughts and requests are important. Sometimes you have to listen, but your feelings and thoughts are more important. If you follow other people blindly, you will lose yourself.

You can change the situation.

You are different now.

Maybe you used to do what others told you because you were weak. Now you are different. You have grown up, you have knowledge and experience, and you are responsible for your own life.

When you think about it like this, you might feel better.

Focus on yourself and think about how to relax.

When you think about why you feel this way, you may know what to do. Then, focus on yourself and try your best.

For example, think about what you want to do, how you want to live, and your future work. This will help you understand what you want and give you motivation to achieve it, which will make you feel better.

If your family doesn't understand you, try talking to them. This will make you feel better because you're working hard for something you want and you're in control.

If what you want is unacceptable to your family, give yourself time to accumulate and settle down. When you achieve something, they will likely change their attitude, which will make you feel better.

Study hard because it's your job as a student. Think before you decide whether to take the postgraduate entrance exam. Know that you can change your situation.

Taking action can help you feel better.

I hope this helps. Click "Find a coach" at the bottom to talk to me one-on-one.

Dear Questioner, Please accept this gesture of support and encouragement.

I am grateful to have had the opportunity to connect with you at Yi Xinli.

I appreciate the questioner's self-awareness, which has brought to light some important inner feelings and awareness. I believe that further discussion could help the questioner gain more perspectives on the problem-solving method. In addition, I would like to share my thoughts on this matter for the questioner's reference.

Thank you for the question. I will now proceed to answer it.

Let us first clarify the specific confusion described by the questioner and then proceed to analyze it.

It is important to remember that we always have the option of doing what we want to do.

It is necessary for us to study, take exams, and complete various other tasks.

Everyone is born with a natural inclination towards leisure. As we grow up, we are socialised and influenced by mainstream cultural values, which often dictate our actions and expectations. However, deep down, we all have a desire to pursue our interests and strengths, rather than simply following external directives.

When there is a discrepancy between one's intrinsic motivation and the external pressures they face, it can lead to feelings of anxiety, confusion, helplessness, and a sense of losing control.

We proceed through the daily routine in a lethargic and despondent state of mind.

It is only natural to feel discouraged when one is compelled to perform an action that is not aligned with one's genuine desire. Even when we adhere to the expectations set by external factors, such as academic or professional requirements, the outcome may not align with our personal aspirations.

When individuals are compelled to perform tasks rather than doing so voluntarily, they often achieve only half the desired result with twice the effort, or even make the wrong decision. It is therefore not surprising that their mood will be low.

Upon returning home for the holidays, I realized that I had not acted in accordance with my own preferences. Why did I not do what I wanted to do at the time? I did not perform to the best of my abilities and wasted time.

There is a discrepancy between the desire to take action and the obligation to do so. The latter often negates the former.

Upon returning from vacation, the "string" of tension in your heart, that is, the pressure, is obviously relaxed. This is the time when you become aware of your true self. However, when we are in the midst of it, we are often "held back/kidnapped" and "forced to move forward." If we don't do it, we will feel as if we are going against the expectations and wishes of others, and we will fall into a state of self-blame. Furthermore, some people will "blame themselves..." Over time, they will lose their true self.

When there is a discrepancy between one's desire to act and the necessity to act, anxiety may arise. When the necessity to act is not fulfilled effectively and the desire to act is constrained by time and resources, prolonged indecision may result in inner conflict and contradictory anxiety. Over time, it may become challenging to regulate one's emotions.

In light of the aforementioned circumstances, it may be advisable to consider the following course of action:

First, acknowledge your awareness of the situation and understand the circumstances surrounding the "sense of loss of freedom in the past two or three years."

1. Identify the root cause of this perceived loss of freedom. Could it be that over the past three years, there has been an undue burden from academic pursuits, interpersonal dynamics, or a critical crossroad with challenging decisions?

In essence, what is the underlying cause of this perceived loss of freedom? This is the fundamental issue that we must address in order to find a solution.

2. Is the decision to pursue further studies or to take the postgraduate entrance exam driven by a genuine desire for personal growth, or is it influenced by external factors? If external pressures are the primary motivators, it may lead to a lack of long-term inner motivation, resulting in a sense of exhaustion.

Secondly, it is important to explore our internal motivation and identify the freedom to truly want what we want.

1. Many individuals experience a sense of unfreedom and unhappiness due to an inability to pursue their desired objectives. These objectives may be unclear or constrained by external factors such as life pressures, expectations of others, or societal norms. Consequently, individuals may find it challenging to achieve genuine happiness when their actions are not aligned with their true aspirations.

2. This is not simply an issue affecting one individual. In the modern era, it is untenable for any person to entirely disassociate themselves from others and function in isolation. Alternatively, it could be argued that these ties have, to some extent, taken control.

What is our perspective on the world? Is it based on our own thinking, or on the views of others?

3. When conflicts arise, it is essential to view them in the correct context. For instance, when the conflict is between "wanting to do it" and "having to do it," it is crucial to think innovatively and ask ourselves "why is this happening?" from a higher power's perspective, rather than focusing on the immediate task at hand.

It is important to identify the root cause of the problem and determine the source of the issue.

4. To achieve breakthroughs in life, it is essential to confront inner conflicts directly. Professional psychological counseling can facilitate this process by helping individuals identify the root causes of their challenges. This approach enables individuals to gain control over their lives and navigate their inner struggles effectively.

I would like to suggest that you read the book Reconciliation with the Conflict within.

This is my understanding and response to the question posed by the original poster. I hope it will be of assistance and that the original poster will find happiness and freedom in their own life.

I am a person of one heart, the sun, the world, and I love you. Best regards, [Name]

Good morning, I am writing to acknowledge receipt of your question. Kind regards,

I appreciate your invitation.

Thank you for your inquiry.

You are aware of the issue and its underlying causes.

Indeed, this is a positive development. Not everyone is capable of facing their thoughts and feelings with complete honesty.

I must commend you on a job well done.

There are instances when individuals lack clarity regarding their professional aspirations and the capacity to excel in their chosen field. They require guidance to validate their objectives and support to recognize their own potential.

I acknowledge your presence, questioner.

Please accept this gesture of support and encouragement.

It is important not to hastily dismiss your emotions, even if they appear more intense now.

This is how you truly feel.

Indeed, when we gradually accept our genuine emotions, we are, in effect, becoming aware of ourselves in a similar manner.

In fact, the confusion and negative emotions are simply indications that there are unresolved issues that require attention.

There is no need to be afraid.

Together, we can gain insight into how we experience this emotion. As you can see, the reality of life is one of ups and downs. Just as genuine growth is never straightforward, you are already experiencing your authentic self.

Have you been awaiting this discovery?

Ultimately, it is essential to focus on what needs to be done and what is required.

Anxiety is typically associated with concerns about the future. However, it is important to assess whether the anticipated future aligns with one's actual desires and aspirations.

Is this what you prefer?

You are currently experiencing a period of uncertainty and low motivation. What messages are you sending yourself?

Is that truly the desired outcome?

Do you genuinely endorse that future and future self?

If this is the case, it would be advisable to take prompt action.

? So, questioner, do you see it? Do you see what you want to tell yourself?

Do you see the challenge that awaits you to overcome?

In the context of the legal framework, it is not possible to guarantee that those who are determined to achieve a goal will succeed. Similarly, it is not possible to guarantee that a particular course of action will be successful.

Is there not an equal chance of success and failure in all endeavors?

Is it not the case that all objectives require a certain degree of challenge to be achieved?

If you are proficient in a task and enjoy it, the probability of success and happiness is likely to be higher.

The questioner should take the time to reflect on their own thoughts and communicate with themselves in a calm and measured manner.

Determine whether the "self" of the past is genuinely the authentic self or merely a persona that aligns with external expectations or personal ideals.

I wish you success and happiness in your endeavors.

I would like to extend my personal regards to you and express my appreciation for your contributions to our organization.