Why do I often feel an empty void in my heart, feeling insecure?

The host, the present is good! Be grateful for the encounter.

From your description, it is evident that you have a strong desire for love, companionship, understanding, and respect. I extend my support and encouragement to you.

Let's discuss this topic together.

1. Identify the source

I am unaware of your upbringing, but could you please describe how your parents treated you during your upbringing? Based on your current behavior, it seems probable that you were abandoned as a child, or that your parents did not value you and often left you home alone.

Similar experiences have consistently led to a sense of insecurity.

Your lack of self-worth leads you to seek external validation and control in romantic relationships. You desire to be protected and loved, as you have not been able to find these things within yourself.

It would be beneficial for you to take some time to recall and summarize the situation for yourself. Once you have a better understanding of the root cause, you may be able to resolve the issue more effectively.

2. Acknowledge and accept this feeling within yourself.

It would be beneficial to ascertain whether your husband has ever expressed how your "clinginess" makes him feel. It is likely that he feels uncomfortable, although his exact feelings may vary from person to person. It may be helpful to put yourself in his shoes and imagine how you would feel if someone kept on clinging to you like that.

When similar feelings arise and you are alone and feel empty inside and insecure, you can try to identify where in your body this feeling is located, what color, shape, image, or texture it has. Focus on this bodily sensation and give it a name. At the same time, take a deep breath and reassure the scared child inside you that you are not that child anymore. You have grown up now and are capable of protecting yourself. You will always be safe. Feel how you are firmly supported by the chair and how your feet are firmly anchored to the ground.

Simply redirect your attention to your body, acknowledge the sensation, and refrain from internally resisting or externally grappling with it. With time, you can gradually reconcile with this feeling.

3. Practice self-love.

If an individual lacks certain internal resources, they may seek external sources to fulfill those needs. It is essential to recognize that if one desires a specific treatment from others, it is crucial to first learn to treat oneself in a similar manner.

If you desire love and companionship, prioritize self-care. If your spouse is unavailable, engage in social activities with friends or visit public spaces. This can help alleviate feelings of loneliness and isolation.

It is important to respect yourself and value your feelings in order to gain the respect of others. It is not about obeying and pleasing others; rather, it is about focusing on your own needs and desires.

It is important to continue learning and developing your inner strength, understanding your personal qualities and desired state of being. If necessary, you can seek external support, such as professional counseling, to facilitate healing and growth.

I hope this information is helpful to you and I wish you the best.

Hello, question asker!

From what you've said, I can see you're feeling a bit confused. But you're also doing a great job of recognising this uncomfortable emotion and facing it head on.

You say that your husband used to be the center of your world, but now you feel like you're always around him and afraid of losing him. At the same time, you realize that there was also a certain amount of pleasure in the previous intimate relationship, which made you feel very uncomfortable and affected your life. You also want to know if this is because of your family of origin.

From what you've told me, it seems like you're feeling insecure, so you're leaning on others a bit. This might be related to the educational environment of your family of origin and the experiences you've had. Now that you've grown up and are aware of it, and you've come here, you're actually on the path to change.

All problems are our resources. We're experts at solving our own problems. Based on what you've told me, I have some suggestions that I hope will be helpful.

First, be more aware and clarify.

When something makes us feel uncomfortable, it's important to understand what we need behind our emotions. We need to think about when we first felt this way, what happened at the time, and how we adjusted afterwards.

When have we not respected our feelings, and what kind of state are we in when we don't have those feelings?

We need to be aware of what's going on, understand the reasons behind our emotions, think things through, and then deal with our emotions in a way that helps us to adapt.

Secondly, it's important to learn to love yourself.

I don't know what you've been through, but from what you've said, it seems like you're looking for more fulfillment in life. This is totally normal, but if you want to live a relaxed and carefree life, you've got to learn to love yourself. When we learn to love ourselves, we become aware of our inner strength and can face anything bravely.

When we learn to love ourselves, we can accept whatever happens and embrace the uncomfortable feelings that come with it. This helps us let go of what we can't change and focus on pursuing a happy, easy-going life.

And learn to let go of negative emotions.

Everyone has negative emotions, and everyone is not perfect. But we have this uncomfortable feeling. My personal suggestion is that we learn to release it. We can learn about our own psychology, suggest meditation, and practice self-mediation. Or we can find someone to talk to, or we can relieve those uncomfortable emotions by exercising more. When we exercise, our brain will secrete dopamine to produce a sense of pleasure, which can help us get out of these uncomfortable emotions. You can give us some strength.

And don't forget to keep growing ourselves.

Believing in ourselves and the power of accumulation is key. We need to keep growing and breaking through our own limitations to give ourselves inner strength. Doing things that interest us and that give us a sense of worth is also important.

Finally, don't be afraid to seek help from external resources.

If we're feeling confused and don't know how to adjust, we can try seeking help from external resources. On the one hand, we can seek help from professional psychological counselors. They can use their professional skills to explore the root causes of our subconscious, ensure that our cognitive therapy heals our hearts, and give us the courage to face it.

On the other hand, we can read more psychology books or learn some psychology knowledge to help us adjust and recharge.

Life has a way of healing those who are willing to be healed. I also want to tell you that our relationships with others are all about our relationships with ourselves. If something hurts, say so, and remember to care for yourself and learn to love yourself.

I thought I'd suggest a few psychology books that might be useful for you.

I'd also suggest Love Yourself Every Day, The Mirror Exercise, Mr. Toad Goes to Therapy, Mental Nutrition, Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, and The Brain Code of Happiness.

Hello, question asker!

From what you've told me, it seems like you're very dependent on your husband and afraid of what might happen if he leaves. I can understand why you'd want to obey him. You mentioned that a fight with your mother-in-law might have caused this change, and you seem to regret doing that.

You know you depend on this person, and it seems like they don't value you as much as you do. You feel this conflict and contradiction within you, and you also hope to change this dependence.

During your upbringing, your parents may not have provided you with the security you needed, and so when you're looking for a partner, you'll naturally seek more security. You can judge according to your own situation, but more importantly, you're afraid of separation anxiety.

You two are very dependent on each other, and in order to feel secure, you'll often suppress yourself to satisfy the other person. But when you suppress yourself, what you really need is the security that the other person gives you, but the other person obviously doesn't give you. Instead, they make you feel like they don't respect you, which is really sad.

What you need right now is a change. It's so important to respect your own needs, love yourself well, refuse your husband's unreasonable demands, and express your inner feelings.

It's possible that he listens to his mother so much and doesn't stand by your side because he hasn't broken away from his mother's control. It's also possible that he carries the hatred of not being able to break away from his mother's control because you lack respect.

I know it can be tough, but if you need him to choose between you and your mother-in-law, he'll probably choose her. So, don't compete with her for his love. You're doing great! You can reduce your dependence on your husband and just be yourself.

I really hope this helps! Wishing you all the best!

Firstly, it is important to note that the feelings you describe are not uncommon and can be readily understood in the context of modern society. A significant proportion of the population experiences similar challenges and confusion in intimate relationships.

In response to the issues you have raised, I will endeavor to provide potential explanations and recommendations.

With regard to the fear of abandonment and excessive anxiety-how-to-break-free-from-the-dependence-on-masturbation-1725.html" target="_blank">dependence, this may be related to one's inner sense of security. This sense of security may be affected by various factors, including the original family environment, upbringing, and personality.

In the case of an individual who did not receive sufficient love and security from their family of origin, they may seek this same security as an adult, which can result in excessive dependence and fear of abandonment in intimate relationships.

In regard to the issue of consistently striving to please and accommodate in intimate relationships, this may be associated with one's perception of self-worth. If an individual believes their value is contingent upon how others perceive and evaluate them, they may be inclined to please and accommodate in order to maintain the relationship.

However, it is important to note that healthy intimate relationships are based on principles of equality and respect. It is essential to develop the ability to express one's needs and feelings, rather than attempting to please and compromise.

In regard to the dearth of love in your heart, it is plausible that this is associated with your comprehension and expectations of love. Love is a multifaceted emotion. It is not merely an emotional dependency; rather, it is a process of self-growth and self-improvement.

It is imperative to cultivate self-love, recognize one's own needs and emotions, and refrain from solely seeking external validation. Concurrently, it is crucial to learn to accept the love of others and to manage anxiety and restlessness.

It is recommended that you pursue professional psychological counseling. A qualified counselor can assist you in developing a more profound comprehension of your internal experience, identifying the fundamental sources of your difficulties, and offering efficacious strategies for addressing them.

Additionally, one may attempt to augment one's sense of security and self-worth through self-growth and learning, with the objective of establishing a more robust and stable intimate relationship.

Hello, my name is Coach Yu, and I would love to chat with you about this topic.

Let's start with a sense of security. Maslow's theory says that a sense of security is a feeling of confidence, safety, and freedom from fear and anxiety. It's also a feeling of satisfaction with your needs in the present and the future.

If we grow up in an environment where we feel insecure, where there is a lot of dislike, hatred, annoyance, accusations, punishment, neglect, etc., and where we cannot trust or rely on others, we will have hostile experiences. These experiences will often affect us until we grow up, and they will spread to other relationships, making us worry all the time and even feel that the relationship environment around us is full of insecurity and hostility. It's so important to remember that we are all worthy of love and acceptance. We all deserve to feel safe and cared for.

Our feelings about relationships are often influenced by how we feel about ourselves and others. For example, when we feel that there are many things about ourselves that are not good enough, or even that we are bad in many ways, it's easy to worry and even feel that other people just don't like us and hate us.

Or when we feel angry, irritated, or have a lot of emotions towards others, we tend to feel nervous and worried about being seen by others, or even worried that others will find out and retaliate, punish, or attack us as a result. At this time, we often feel that the relationships around us are insecure and even full of hostility. When these emotions are suppressed and not allowed to be felt and expressed, we feel very uneasy. It's totally normal to feel this way!

I can relate to what the original poster said. I often worry that my husband doesn't need me and might even leave me. I've found myself becoming more and more attached to him and trying my best to please him in everything.

We try to have a heart-to-heart conversation with our husbands because, from the time we met until we got to know and love each other, we have slowly become familiar with each other and adapted to some of each other's behavior patterns. We can express our thoughts and concerns honestly, hoping to gain the other person's understanding and support, and also hear what the other person expects of us, especially in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. We hope that our husbands can do something about it. We want our husbands to know that the relationship with the nuclear family must be higher than the relationship with the original family, and at the same time, we want to learn to love each other in order to establish a beautiful and lasting intimate relationship.

We must also remind ourselves that we've grown up a lot! As the psychologist Adler said, past life experiences aren't that useful to us. What matters most is how we perceive and understand those experiences.

Let's talk about pleasing others. If we think back to our childhood, when you first started to toddle or hold chopsticks to eat, were you interrupted and stopped countless times by your mother because of her worries and anxieties and her fear of bad consequences? We all had a mom who loved us, right? And she was probably worried about us, too. But as we grew up, we started to judge ourselves when it came to the unknown. We might have even thought, "I can't do it well." And that can make us feel vulnerable as adults.

As the original poster said, from falling in love to getting married, I get lost in love with everyone I meet. I'm always afraid of being disliked and abandoned, and I always try to please in a relationship.

It's totally normal to care a lot about what other people think and feel. We all do! But when we lack self-confidence, we can end up being influenced by external evaluations. This can make us blame ourselves for our inadequacies or shortcomings.

We can ask ourselves, "What are my needs? What should my ideal life be like?"

It's so important to be aware of yourself. Try writing about your strengths and weaknesses. When you're writing about your weaknesses, try saying, "I accept my XX shortcomings, and I love myself." With repeated practice, you'll find that your self-confidence is slowly being built.

If you're struggling with something, it's okay to ask for help. You don't have to go through it alone. Find someone you trust, like a family member or friend, and talk to them about it. If you need more support, there are also counselors and support groups you can reach out to. It's important to have a safe space to share your feelings and work through them.

It's also important to take care of ourselves, nourish our inner selves, discover our unique value, and build our own social support system. When you've made these changes, the people around you will feel comfortable being with you and will naturally become close to you. I'd also recommend reading "Intimacy: Finding Your Soulmate."

You know you're too dependent in a relationship. Your partner's attitude or interactions make you anxious. You're afraid they'll stop loving you, so you try to please and compromise.

Chen Hai-xian's lecture is similar to your description. You're appealing to your partner symbiotically.

Fear controls the relationship. You fear being abandoned and alienated. You hope the other person will get closer to you to show they won't leave. You want to merge with the other person to feel safe.

Because of the need for integration, there is an expectation of consistency. You mentioned that your husband used to listen to you, but now listens more to his mother, which bothers you a lot. This is because his actions undermine your need for integration.

Your dependence may be related to your family of origin. When we are young, we depend on our caregivers. As we grow up, we become independent. If this stage is not well developed, we may need relationships that blur boundaries.

To change this, focus on personal growth and build a stable, independent inner self. A good relationship requires intimacy and space.

Set goals for yourself in terms of self-care, learning, work, socializing, etc. Give yourself recognition and support along the way. Gain more experiences of "self" and "autonomy."