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Why do I use "acting up" and "making a scene over a breakup" to determine if my boyfriend loves me?

insecurity relationship anxiety suspiciousness breakup threats security confirmation
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Why do I use acting up and making a scene over a breakup to determine if my boyfriend loves me? By Anonymous | Published on December 18, 2024

Why do I feel so insecure, always wanting to cause trouble and threaten to break up? I like to confirm my sense of security through others' responses that they won't leave. What should I do? Even the slightest hint makes me suspicious and anxious. This is tiring for both me and others. How can I change this mindset?

Caroline Collins Caroline Collins A total of 8129 people have been helped

Hello, questioner! I'm thrilled to answer your question.

Let's dive deep into this together! Why do you get jealous and suspicious in a relationship?

Let's dive in and explore this together!

First, girls are naturally sensitive and vulnerable, and in a relationship, they will always express their emotions to gain their boyfriend's attention.

2. Self-protection: Girls in love are always up to something! They delight in asking their boyfriends the most unusual and intriguing questions, eager to test their patience and tolerance. It's a way for them to show their boyfriends how much they love them!

This could be a subconscious form of self-protection!

3. Lack of self-confidence and insecurity. Not having enough confidence in oneself will always lead to worries about the relationship. But don't worry! You can easily overcome this by doing things to attract your boyfriend's attention and to be valued.

4. A certain desire to control your boyfriend. Girls in love will always show a selfish side, hoping that their boyfriend will only pay attention to them and love them, and that even unreasonable demands will be met. They always have the best expectations for their boyfriend, and it's great to see them so confident and in love!

This controlling mentality may even lead to constant fighting in the relationship!

There are so many reasons why we might be manipulative in a relationship! Lack of self-confidence, insecurity, sensitivity, the desire to control—the list goes on. Whatever the situation, it's so important to be aware of it and change it in order to promote intimacy in a positive way.

I'm so excited to share these views with you! I really hope they'll be helpful for the questioner.

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Donovan Knight Donovan Knight A total of 1036 people have been helped

I recently became aware of Cong Fei's course, "How to Love Yourself Well in Love," and upon seeing the original poster's question, I decided to contribute to the discussion.

Subconscious templates

The subconscious template may be conceptualized as a fixed-size circle that is used to screen the size of fruits. Fruits of the same diameter will pass through this circle and be left behind, while larger fruits will be screened out. When an individual's subconscious template is "I am unloved," they tend to focus on the other person's expressions of not loving themselves, often ignoring the details of the other person's love for them. This further reinforces the mentality of "he doesn't love me."

The Good Boyfriend Journal

However, when an intimate relationship is maintained, there are bound to be instances when the other person evokes feelings of fulfillment. It is simply that our selective attention filters out those instances of happiness and beauty. In order to achieve equilibrium in our attention, it would be beneficial to direct our attention towards the ways in which your boyfriend demonstrates his love for you and to record these instances.

In the event of renewed feelings of insecurity and doubt regarding the love of one's partner, it is recommended to consult the aforementioned notebook and inquire as to the veracity of the doubted assertion.

It is essential to cultivate and enhance one's capacity to love oneself.

One method of demonstrating self-love is to provide oneself with comfort and care, even in the absence of external understanding or gratification.

You have come here to inquire and to seek psychological assistance, which is also a way to love yourself. This part involves more content, and improving this part's ability is also a gradual process. I recommend the books Intimacy and Parenting Your Inner Child, which I have found to be particularly helpful.

I enjoy photography, and it is my hope that the aforementioned information will prove beneficial. I extend my affection to the world and to you.

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Willow Kennedy Willow Kennedy A total of 2743 people have been helped

The behavior you describe may be influenced by feelings of insecurity and concerns about the stability of the relationship. This insecurity may have a number of potential causes, such as past experiences, a low sense of self-worth, or a fear of abandonment.

It might be helpful to consider that acting out or breaking up is actually a way of seeking security and confirmation, but this approach can be unhealthy for both parties. Here are some suggestions to help you change this mindset:

It might be helpful to consider exploring the root causes of your insecurity. Have there been any past experiences that could have contributed to this feeling?

It may be helpful to consider where your insecurity comes from as a first step to changing your behavior.

It may be helpful to consider ways of improving your sense of self-worth. Insecurities are often related to a low sense of self-worth, so it could be beneficial to boost your confidence and sense of self-worth through self-enhancement activities such as hobbies, learning new skills, or self-care.

It may be helpful to talk to your partner about your feelings and concerns. You might consider letting them know about your insecurities and discussing ways to boost your sense of security together, rather than expressing it through "acting out" or "breaking up."

It would be beneficial to focus on building and maintaining trust through consistent behavior and open communication.

It would be beneficial to learn healthy ways to handle conflict. While conflict is inevitable in any relationship, it is important to resolve it in a healthy way. It is also helpful to learn how to express your needs and feelings, while also listening to the other person's position.

It might be helpful to seek professional assistance if you find it challenging to cope with these feelings or change your behavior patterns on your own. A counselor can provide strategies and tools to help you deal with insecurity and learn healthier relationship dynamics.

It may be helpful to consider practicing mindfulness and self-acceptance. Mindfulness practices can help increase awareness of current feelings, while self-acceptance practices can assist in accepting imperfections and weaknesses.

It is worth noting that changing mindsets and patterns of behavior can require time and patience. However, with positive effort and the right support, it is possible to establish healthier and more fulfilling relationship dynamics.

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Juliette Nguyen Juliette Nguyen A total of 3594 people have been helped

Hello, host! I'm thrilled to answer your question. As stated in the information, you're looking for reassurance and like to play around with the idea of breaking up, hoping to get a definitive answer that no one will leave.

To determine your sense of security. You don't approve of this method either, and you become sensitive and suspicious at the slightest hint of a problem in the intimate relationship.

In this kind of relationship, you're ready for a change! You and your partner are tired of the status quo and ready to make a shift.

Good! A close relationship requires mutual respect and the satisfaction of both parties' emotional needs. In this close relationship, you project all your anxieties and fears onto your boyfriend, which is totally normal! In this relationship, your boyfriend has two identities: he is both your boyfriend and your father. In this relationship, you also play two roles: one is his girlfriend, and the other is his daughter.

No matter how much you fight and break up, when you mention breaking up, it's more like a daughter teasing her father, which is pretty funny if you think about it!

Fortunately, you are aware of this and want to change the situation through your own efforts. In the process of mutual communication, you want to control the progress of the relationship through playing around and breaking up. In your subconscious mind, you are still satisfied with your boyfriend, which is great!

You want to show your boyfriend your strength and confidence through conflicts and control in the relationship. These actions may not have a practical effect, but they are highly performative, which confirms your desire to take control and show your partner that you are confident in this relationship.

A good intimate relationship is not about controlling each other, but about achieving together. Here is a mathematical model: You are an independent set boyfriend, and you are also an independent set. In the process of interaction, increasing the scope of intersection between the two parties is the only way to make your relationship stable and long-lasting. You can try to solve a more difficult problem together in life, or complete a more difficult task. The tacit understanding that arises in the process is more practical than meaningless verbal promises. I am happy to have an appointment 1983. The world and I love you!

This is so much more practical than meaningless verbal promises! I am absolutely thrilled to have an appointment on 1983. The world and I love you!

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Matilde Bennett Matilde Bennett A total of 17 people have been helped

Hello.

Everyone has different needs when it comes to feeling secure. If you feel insecure and depend on your boyfriend to make you feel secure, it may be because you have trust issues.

It could be due to a lack of parental care or being too dependent on your parents.

.

As long as you're not being unreasonable and there's a reason, I think he'll forgive you. Don't push it too far or make things difficult for him.

Here are some suggestions for changing this mindset:

Reflect on your insecurities and why they happen. You can do this by writing in a journal or talking to a counselor.

Your boyfriend has his own concerns and worries. He can't always spend time comforting you.

.

Be confident in yourself. Learn new skills, pursue your interests, and take on challenges to improve your self-confidence.

Don't rely on your boyfriend.

Be open and honest with your partner, family, or friends. Share your feelings and needs, and listen to them.

Trust your boyfriend. It will take time, but trust is important in a healthy relationship.

Focus on yourself. Develop your own interests and pursue your goals.

If you can't change your mindset on your own, see a counselor or psychologist. They can help.

Changing your mindset takes time and effort. Take positive actions to develop a healthier sense of security and trust. The host should also care about her boyfriend.

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Comments

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Whitney Thomas We grow through experience if we meet life honestly and courageously.

I understand feeling insecure can be really tough. Maybe it's time to focus on building selfconfidence from within rather than seeking validation externally. Therapy might help explore these feelings more deeply.

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Marilyn Miller The well - read are those who have tasted the nectar of knowledge from different flowers.

It sounds like you're going through a lot emotionally. Working on personal growth and understanding your triggers could be beneficial. Try expressing your feelings openly with those close to you; honest communication can strengthen trust.

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Jade Thomas A learned individual's understanding is not limited by a single subject.

Feeling this way must be exhausting. Have you considered practicing mindfulness or meditation? They can improve your emotional resilience over time. Also, talking to a counselor could provide strategies for healthier relationship habits.

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Kevin Davis A goal without a plan is just a wish.

It's important to acknowledge that your feelings are valid. Perhaps setting small, achievable goals for selfreliance can gradually reduce the need for reassurance. Building a hobby or interest that you're passionate about might also help divert some of that anxiety.

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Megan Anderson Teachers are the puzzle - masters who help students piece together the puzzles of knowledge.

Insecurity can stem from many places, but healing starts with selflove and acceptance. Consider journaling your thoughts and emotions; sometimes writing them down can offer clarity. Seeking professional advice is also a step towards change.

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