Why do Shanghai high school students always revisit sad moments?

Hello, classmate. I can see you're feeling confused, so I'm here to give you a hug!

You seem to be having some emotional issues. I'm here for you if you need me.

You keep going back to those sad moments because they've caused you some psychological harm.

It's not enough to simply avoid negative situations; you have to address the emotions they evoke. For example, just because you didn't deal with the ridicule from your teacher in class or the argument with your mother, it doesn't mean that you don't have those negative emotions.

If you don't address the sadness caused by these events, the negative emotions won't disappear on their own.

It's been pushed down into your subconscious.

The next time you come across that person, thing, or situation, those negative experiences will come back to the forefront.

So, classmate, what are you going to do now?

If you think the above negative emotions are affecting your studies, it's a good idea to get some help from a professional counselor.

We're offering a 50% discount for students on our counseling platform. All you need to do is fill out a form and submit proof of enrollment as a student.

If there's a school psychologist at your high school, you can also reach out to her. However, since Shanghai is still under lockdown, you might have trouble contacting your school psychologist.

You can also get help from the live listeners on this platform. It costs 29 RMB per 15-minute unit.

When you place an order, you can choose to talk for 15, 30, 45, or 60 minutes.

I really hope you can find a good solution to the problem you're having soon.

That's all I can think of for now.

I hope my answers are helpful and inspiring to you. I'm here to help, and I study hard every day.

Here at Yixinli, we love you and the world loves you too! Best wishes!

Hello, host. I'm July.

After reading your description, I believe I understand the question you want to ask better, so I'd like to offer you a warm hug.

From your description, it seems that you have experienced negative emotions to a great extent. These negative emotions may be linked to previous negative experiences, which could potentially lead to some unfortunate reactions. It is possible that these negative emotions have had an impact on your learning and life in general. In this regard, I would like to offer you a hug in four dimensions.

From the description, it seems that the host values his reputation somewhat, which may explain why you are afraid of behaving in an undignified manner in front of others. This can lead to a tendency to dwell on the situation afterwards, which might result in self-punishment. It's worth considering whether there might have been a more constructive way to handle the situation at the time, rather than using a solution that you find difficult to accept.

In this regard, I have also summarized some methods that I hope you will find helpful in alleviating the current situation.

(1) It's important to remember that nobody is perfect, and as long as you're human, you're bound to make some mistakes. It's okay not to be perfect, and it's also okay to not be perfect all the time. We all make mistakes, and that's perfectly normal.

(2) Nobody is perfect, and we all make mistakes from time to time. It's important to try to accept your own characteristics and get used to them slowly.

(3) It might be helpful to relax, take your time, and avoid putting too much pressure on yourself. It's possible that doing so could help you feel more at ease.

(4) It might be helpful to focus on your current feelings and thoughts, as dwelling on the past may not be particularly productive.

(5) You might consider lowering your demands and expectations of yourself, rather than setting too many self-imposed restrictions. This could help you to better face the real you.

I would like to express my love for the world.

I would like to extend my best wishes to you.

Hello, question asker!

When I saw your headline, "Shanghai senior high school," I felt a little worried for you. I hope you're doing okay! The situation in Shanghai is a bit worrying, and I know high school students can be really tired. Unfortunately, the college entrance exam has been postponed again due to the epidemic. I'm sending you lots of hugs!

I can see that you're going through a rough patch. It's totally normal to feel down sometimes, especially when you're facing a tough situation. Your body is just trying to protect you and conserve your energy to help you cope with the uncertainty of the future. It's like it's trying to give you a little space to regulate and repair yourself, otherwise you might really feel like you're falling apart.

Of course, we also know that it is possible to try to make adjustments. If you fall into it blindly and don't know how to handle it, it can also go the other way. You see, at this critical moment you have become aware of yourself, you have taken the initiative to come here and ask for help, and you are looking for a scientific way to solve your problem. In psychology, there is such a wonderful discovery: when you become aware of your predicament, you are actually on the road to healing.

I just want to say, congratulations! From today onwards, things should start looking up. You've reached rock bottom, and things will start to rebound from now on.

I'm here for you, and I'm going to share my own experience with you because I think it'll help.

First, try to accept all the emotions you feel at this time, even the negative ones like when you think about your homeroom teacher mocking you or when you argue with your mother. I think this is something most people at this age during adolescence have to go through. Don't say it's because of the pandemic situation. Even if there were no pandemic, you would still have these negative emotions.

I'd love to chat with you about my high school years. I was in high school in the 1980s, but there weren't any epidemics, and the pressure of the college entrance exam wasn't as intense. Even so, I still had a lot of negative emotions as a teenager, and I had a lot of feelings towards my homeroom teacher. I resented the fact that the homeroom teacher looked down on me and wouldn't move my seat, and I was just really depressed all the time. That's why I really empathize with how you feel right now, and I hug you again!

Alas, puberty can be quite distressing sometimes. Our hormones secrete unevenly, and we imagine that we have a lot of it. This is something we must all experience. As Lu Xun said, let's face this dismal life head-on, my friend.

Secondly, I truly believe that young people like us have so much strength. Despite all the negative emotions, we are like cockroaches that cannot be killed. Despite all the negative emotions, we are still learning. Just like when I was angry with my teacher, I was also giving it my best. I wanted to prove to him that I would not be underestimated. I would study hard. I really had this kind of strength at the time. In other words, when I was in a negative mood, that kind of unyielding strength also surged in my heart. I truly believe that the surge of motivation in you during adolescence will also flow in your blood. What we need is to start from today. Let's ignite this surge of motivation like a string of small pearls, and gradually light up the one behind it!

I truly believe that with that little pearl of wisdom and the experience you have gained, this one will light up even faster.

I'd also love to chat about being a teacher. Looking back at high school, I realize I was quite competitive and negative. I've also taught high school, my kids have also attended high school, and as a teacher, I've interacted with many other teachers. I've noticed that when teachers talk to each other and to me, they don't say that they look down on a particular student or mock them. In other words, what an adolescent student thinks and what a teacher living in a world of troubles thinks are really different, and the difference is huge. I'm now thinking about that situation in high school and realize it was really my sensitivity during adolescence, and perhaps also my inferiority complex! Teacher, how can so many students pay attention to me?

I have students of all ages, backgrounds, and levels of understanding. I've seen a lot in my time as a teacher, and I've learned that getting angry with students doesn't help anyone. I'd love to share my experience with you in case it helps. I know it can be tough to navigate these situations, but I believe that with practice, you'll be able to handle it. Just remember, you're not alone!

At last, what can I say to my dear mother? It's Mother's Day today, and I'm not sure about the details of your argument with your mother, but I know she loves you. Because of that love, she may have crossed the line. If it were anyone else, no matter what your future life is like, you'd make a great husband!

I know it's tough, especially with the pandemic going on. You're probably taking online classes at home and spending 24 hours a day with your mom! She's really living in the middle of all the chaos, like an adult like me. She's in the middle of a pandemic, has to deal with work life, the elderly, children, etc., etc., and may really have to face great difficulties. I can imagine her stress is through the roof! In this situation, she may lose control of her emotions sometimes, and it may be menopause!

If that's the case, menopause meets adolescence, plus the epidemic, plus the college entrance exam, it's really understandable, and it's the predicament that has caused you to be in this situation. It would be so great if you could understand your mother from this perspective! And at the very least, today on this extraordinary day of Mother's Day, try to understand your mother!

From the bottom of my heart, I wish my mother a happy Mother's Day! I know that in the future, when I have to take online classes and exams, I will do my best to get along with my mother peacefully. I believe you can do it!

I've written quite a bit today, so I'll just say goodbye for now. I really hope that your dream university will be there for you soon. Keep up the great work! You've got this! And remember, I'm rooting for you!

First, give yourself a hug when you feel hurt. It's okay to feel hurt sometimes! Things that hurt remind us to pay attention to our bodies and our inner selves. For example, if you are teased or argue with your mother, it is not entirely your fault!

It can be tough to separate your actions from your person, but it's an important step! How do you understand this?

Let's say you get teased for getting the same question wrong over and over. It's not about you as a person, it's about the mistake you made. Even if some of them are just laughing at you to be mean, you need to remember that it's not you they're mocking, it's the fact that you made a mistake.

It's so important to realize this! Things (actions) can be changed, and people (the essence of life) are relatively stable when they exist independently.

It's totally normal to feel miserable when you're constantly dwelling on a situation. It's like you're punishing yourself for doing something wrong. But here's the thing: you're not wrong!

It's okay, we all make mistakes. Sometimes our actions might not be the best, but that's why we have the power to make changes. We can't always control how others see things, but we can choose to be kind to ourselves. Give yourself a hug and tell yourself, "It's not your fault. Sometimes our actions can lead to unexpected results, but that doesn't define us."

I can adjust my behavior, and I will!

Once you've made the switch in your mindset, the next step is to adjust your perception and behavior. First, take a look at what might be causing the situation and see what adjustments you can make.

For example, if you get a question wrong, don't fret! Just ask someone to help you learn how to do it correctly, and you'll get it right next time. Don't let the sarcasm and ridicule from others get to you. If you really feel bad, just say, "Teacher, thank you for your attention. I know you want to motivate me, but ridicule hurts my self-esteem. You can use other methods. I will also study hard and live up to your teachings!" "Mom, this is what I think..." You have a mouth of your own, so express yourself bravely.

Chinese people aren't always the best at expressing their emotions. Both teachers and parents want the best for us, but sometimes the way they express it doesn't lead to the best results. But we can learn to jump out of this "⭕" and express ourselves bravely!

As long as we express our thoughts sincerely and appropriately, people will listen! And they'll be happy you did!

In summary, the questioner can first change their mindset (you are a unique individual worthy of the beauty of this world). The second step is to adjust perceptions and behaviors, focusing on improving oneself and doing the right thing in the present. You can either ignore or bravely express your feelings and thoughts in response to the criticism, accusations, or ridicule of others!

I wish you the best of luck!

Hello!

You're great! Don't worry about it too much.

Every negative emotion in the body is a chance to pay attention to our inner selves and take care of our feelings in a timely manner. We can choose to refocus our attention back on ourselves, and when we do, we'll find that the brain will stop ignoring the expressions of the body and mind. This is our chance to do what we "should" do, and we'll find that it's easier to escape negative emotions!

So, it's not that negative emotions need us, but that we need negative emotions to reorganize ourselves, open up our hearts, and let in more positive energy!

I've noticed that I tend to revisit negative emotions quite often. For instance, if I was teased in front of the whole class by my teacher, I find myself dwelling on that experience over and over, reliving the sadness I felt at the time. Similarly, if I had a fight with my mother, I often find myself caught up in the anger from that memory. These flashbacks are like a string of small light bulbs, lighting up the first one and then the rest. It's as if I can think of all the negative emotions related to this event or this person, which makes me feel twice as bad.

Have you ever wondered why we repeatedly focus on negative emotions? It's often related to our feelings and internal perceptions. The good news is that there is a way to solve this problem! All you have to do is go deep within yourself and see what your true inner needs are.

What makes you feel a deep sense of insecurity? Go find it and understand and embrace it with an adult's mindset again, and then—get this—our feelings may truly be healed!

This is exactly the problem mentioned by the original poster! You can't help but feel negative emotions over and over again, even if they're "compulsive" and out of your control.

This is the amazing "red apple" theory! Everyone has the red apple in their mind, and when they force themselves not to think about it, the red apple will appear more frequently. This is our way of thinking. However, when the body relaxes and goes with the flow of the moment, the "red apple" in the mind will automatically disappear!

So, if you want to get away from negative feelings in life, you've got to let your emotions flow naturally! Don't suppress them or try to be so called rationally. Instead, achieve inner peace and observe the flow of your emotions and the thoughts that arise in your mind. This is the only way to truly break away from old patterns of response and rebuild a healthy sense of awareness!

1. First of all, I've got some great advice for you! In life, don't pay too much attention to things that negatively judge you.

Everyone makes judgments about others, but that doesn't mean everyone's standards are right. In particular, extreme judgments made without objective standards of evaluation require increased discernment. But don't fret! The evaluations that allow us to grow are positive and correct. They may seem like "accusations" or "criticisms," but they contain positive elements that point out our flaws and inadequacies. We must then learn to accept them sincerely. This is truly helpful evaluation for our growth!

Stay away from negative comments and don't pay too much attention to them. In fact, it's about staying away from negative environments. We need to pay attention to more positive factors, rather than always living around negative information and questioning ourselves. This is not the right way out – but there are so many other ways to live your life!

2. Affirm yourself in your efforts and build a rock-solid sense of self-security!

No one is born perfect, which means everyone has the chance to be disliked by others. We get to accept the evaluation standards of different people with an ordinary heart. And while acceptance does not mean approval, it does mean that we can learn to cheer ourselves on and build an inner sense of security through progress again and again. We can understand how to adapt to the environment and become flexible inside. When we grow up, we will not let others' random words or so-called "earth-shattering" actions sway our emotions.

3. Read more and gain knowledge!

If you stay at home all day, your mood may not be disturbed too much, but your worries will still be there. But don't fret! There's a simple solution. When we are unable to accept ourselves well, those problems that we cannot see through will often escape our cognitive framework and disrupt our thoughts. We cannot focus on the present life, so we need to rely on the power of others, and that power is "books." They are rich in content, embrace a wide range of ideas, are imbued with wisdom, and are not bound by rules. Therefore, reading is a process of broadening one's horizons, understanding oneself, and understanding the world. And it's a wonderful process!

I really hope that every day, there is a book that can help you find your true self and your dreams!

Come on! You've got this! Best of luck!

Hello!

I am a heart exploration coach, and learning is the treasure of the body.

From your description, I can clearly see your inner doubts, confusion, pain, and helplessness.

You said you're a high school student in Shanghai. Why do you always look back on sad moments? I'll give you the reasons, so you can understand why.

First, you always look back on sad moments because the current situation is unsatisfactory. When someone encounters setbacks, they will look for the cause. People are used to internal attribution, so they will look for the cause in the past.

You said you're in your senior year of high school. Two days ago, the Shanghai Municipal Education Commission issued a notice delaying the college entrance exam by one month. This may have caused you some pressure. You're not alone. Most students are nervous and anxious in their senior year of high school. You may also be in this state. You're under a lot of pressure. You feel like you can't handle it. So you look for reasons. This makes you think of the previous sad moments.

Second, your tendency to dwell on sad moments is likely a result of your thinking habits.

Let me be clear: you have this mental habit of thinking that whenever something goes wrong, you will remember the pain you once felt. So now you are doing the same thing, and that feeling of "familiarity" can temporarily make you feel better, but after a while, you will suffer even more.

Third, you benefit from being in pain. This is why you always go back to the sad moments.

Let me be clear: when you're in pain, you blame others and convince yourself you're not to blame. This way, you avoid the uncertainty that comes with growth. Uncertainty makes you feel pain and fear.

I have provided you with some reasons why I have helped you analyze. If you want to get out of this state, you can try doing the following:

First, face the sad moments of the past and accept reality.

You must accept all the negative emotions you feel at the time. You were teased by your teacher, you were misunderstood when you had a fight with your mother, you are very angry. Accepting this state of mind is the only way to change. It may sound contradictory, but it is the truth. Change is based on allowing things to remain unchanged.

Second, you must rationally view your various negative emotions.

A rational approach requires two things: first, understand that changing others is difficult and that you must change yourself. This means no longer expecting others to change. Just like in your relationship with your mother, lower your expectations of her and make changes yourself first. Second, understand that you can change and that the status quo can also be changed. Learn to view yourself with a developmental perspective. Just like in the incident of being mocked by your teacher, at the time you may have been inadequate, but that was the past self. The current you has changed, gained knowledge, and increased experience. In the future, you will continue to improve and enhance yourself. You must see the power of time.

For example, if you feel stressed about the college entrance exam, you can learn to view yourself from a developmental perspective. The college entrance exam is important, but it is not the most important thing in your life. Do your best.

Focus on yourself and take action to improve your situation.

For example, for current schoolwork, identify your gaps and weaknesses, do your best, and for emotional problems, use empty chair therapy, diary therapy, and talk to trustworthy people around you. Once negative emotions start flowing, they have a healing effect. In short, you can do something to improve the situation.

Take action and all kinds of negative emotions in your heart will naturally be resolved. Action is the enemy of all kinds of negative emotions.

I am confident that my answer will be helpful to you. If you would like to communicate further, simply click "Find a Coach" at the bottom of the page, and I will communicate with you one-on-one.

If you don't resolve past experiences in the present, they'll resurface. Especially those broken emotions and ugly judgments that make people toss and turn at night. As a senior high school student in Shanghai, you'll experience a lot this year.

For example, months of static management, a delay of more than a month in the college entrance examination, being scolded by a teacher for being disrespectful, and various arguments with your mother. These things are like a bunch of straws rolling over and over in your heart, constantly giving rise to increasingly complex and difficult feelings.

You can sort out these difficult emotions by accepting them and dealing with them. When you look back on the difficult moments, you can also experience these moments again, allowing you to rethink what you want.

You deserve positive emotions, good grades, and good relationships with your parents and teachers. These ideas will add positive elements to your mind. You have experienced too many things, and they have brought you complex emotions. Being mocked in public damages self-esteem, and a bad relationship with your mother affects your thoughts.

The anger you felt back then was very real, and it has left many traces in your heart. Your thoughts have undoubtedly been changed by past experiences. We unquestionably project our trauma onto the outside world, and our perceptions undoubtedly affect our actions.

The difficulty you feel is likely the result of past trauma. It's crucial to take control and seek help from a qualified psychological counselor. You can also undergo the necessary psychological assessments to identify potential internal trauma and gain insight into your coping mechanisms, release pent-up energy, and achieve a healthier outlook on life. I'm here to support you.

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