Why do some people always seek love outside? Why is that?

Hello! I just wanted to give you a 360-degree hug.

I think that throughout our lives, we're all in different kinds of relationships. These relationships can be divided into relationships with yourself, with others, and with things, and relationships with certain concepts.

It's all about how you relate to yourself. That means who you are, how you see yourself, how you handle your relationship with yourself, how you see your relationship with others, and how you view your relationship with the world and society.

For instance, what are your strengths and weaknesses? Can you accept yourself? What do you think of other people's expectations of you? How do you view your relationship with strangers, such as waiters and the like?

How do you see friends? How do you view romantic relationships, how do you position yourself, etc.?

How to think about yourself, your abilities, and your limitations.

I've always believed that only by understanding your relationship with yourself, having a good sense of self, self-esteem, and self-worth, can you connect better with the world and with others.

It's easy to look outside of ourselves and expect recognition, affirmation, or material possessions from others to define who we are. For example, I have a lot of money, so I must be a rich man. I'm an executive, so I must be someone with power.

On top of that, society actually encourages the use of external factors to define a person. For example, you are someone's family member, you are someone's spouse, you are someone's parent, and so on. Currently, more attention is paid to your identity label than to you as a person.

I've found this is especially true after having kids, especially when they start school. I'm now the parent of XX, the mother of XX, the teacher, and so on. The parents of the kids in my class don't even know my name.

I don't know other people's names, to be honest. I'd say that most teachers are language or math teachers. I can't remember the names of the teachers, and I don't know them.

These labels are given by others and society, and there are certain normative requirements, for example, what you should be like as a parent or teacher.

Many people like to be busy, chatting with friends, going out, reading the news and gossip, and they can't wait to fill up their time with these things. This is seeking outside.

Life is just too rushed and anxious these days. Many people just aren't aware of how to turn inward and consider their relationship with themselves.

I think that looking inward can be done by reading, exercising, and thinking. These things can make you feel lonely, and a little loneliness is good because it helps you to think about your relationship with yourself.

I'd highly recommend reading "Loneliness, Return to Self." The most profound and healing psychological experiences that an individual can feel occur internally.

I'm often both Buddhist and depressed, an occasionally positive and motivated counselor, and I love the world.

I hope my response will prove somewhat helpful.

Indeed, there are individuals who appear to be content with their lives, yet they are unable to recognize the positive aspects of themselves and tend to focus on their shortcomings. This phenomenon can be observed in my own experience, where I was constantly seeking external validation and attention from my peers. This behavior is often driven by an internal deficiency, specifically a lack of self-love and acceptance. Consequently, individuals tend to look outward for affirmation and fulfillment. However, when we learn to embrace self-love and provide ourselves with sufficient care, we begin to experience a shift in perspective. This allows us to recognize the love and support that others offer and to receive it more fully. Therefore, when we cultivate self-love, it not only benefits us but also has a ripple effect, positively influencing our relationships with others.

Our life experiences shape our personality patterns. Many individuals are not born with an inherent capacity for self-love, which often leads them to seek external validation and affection.

Indeed, few individuals are born with the capacity to love themselves, as the majority have experienced some form of loss during their development and lack the confidence and assurance that their parents will accept them unconditionally. Consequently, in order to gain the love of family members or others, individuals may attempt to demonstrate their strengths, seek attention through specific means, or even suppress their own needs in order to gain the love of others.

These methods of acquiring the love of others are ultimately ineffective in fostering a genuine sense of being loved. When an individual sacrifices themselves for the sake of being seen or rewarded by others, or even for the purpose of becoming someone who "lives for others their whole life," what they are offering is not love, but rather sacrifice, suppression, control, resentment, exhaustion, and so forth. Despite the fact that they are giving of themselves in order to gain love, this kind of love is not stable, it does not last, and it makes them work extremely hard.

These patterns and approaches can be attributed to early experiences wherein the individual received what is perceived as love and recognition through certain behaviors. This leads to the assumption that in order to gain the love of others, the individual must engage in these behaviors. However, is this assumption valid?

If one seeks love from external sources, it is unlikely that one will achieve a stable, enduring love. It is unlikely that one will find a partner who is attentive to one's needs 24 hours a day or a partner who is completely focused on one. It is even less likely that one will gain the approval of everyone. Regardless of one's achievements, there will always be individuals who like one's partner and individuals who do not.

2. When an internal deficiency exists, an individual will seek to compensate for it by seeking external sources of gratification. It is therefore imperative to seek these needs within oneself, to cultivate self-love, and to achieve a state of inner fulfillment. When an individual is in a state of inner equilibrium, they will not be as concerned with external validation and approval.

The reason for seeking love from the outside is that there is a lack of self-love. Those who lack love are concerned with external recognition and approval. Conversely, when a person has a positive self-image, they are satisfied with themselves and are not concerned with external evaluation.

In contrast, an individual who lacks self-love and is chronically dissatisfied with themselves may perceive others as similarly lacking in love and approval. This perception may perpetuate a vicious cycle. Consequently, while seeking love externally may provide a temporary sense of fulfillment, it is only by seeking love internally and learning to love oneself that one can achieve a stable and enduring sense of self-worth.

To learn to love oneself, one must accept oneself unconditionally, regardless of one's circumstances. One must affirm oneself with the statement, "Although I... I still accept and love myself."

3. Loving oneself entails confronting one's authentic self, rather than seeking materialistic gratification. Instead, it involves attending to one's emotional and psychological needs.

Those who are still capable of experiencing pain and the desire to fight are, in fact, individuals who have a strong sense of self-worth. However, for those who choose to avoid, justify, and numb themselves in situations that are clearly disadvantageous, it can be assumed that their self-love is still dormant.

Those who are still capable of experiencing pain and the desire to engage in conflict are, in fact, individuals who possess a genuine sense of self-love. However, for those who elect to evade, rationalize, and anesthetize themselves, and who habitually seek to justify their circumstances through a multitude of justifications, it is evident that their capacity for self-love remains dormant.

The foundation of self-love is emotional fulfillment. Frequently, material possessions, circumstances, and social labels fail to elicit genuine feelings of contentment and joy.

The foundation of self-love is emotional fulfillment. Frequently, material possessions, circumstances, and social labels do not genuinely contribute to feelings of contentment and joy.

The term "fake happiness" is used to describe a state of being that is not authentic or genuine.

A significant number of individuals experience a discrepancy between their self-perception and their actual capabilities. This discrepancy can be attributed to a lack of affirmation and attention during their formative years. Despite their current roles as parents and members of society, many of these individuals still feel inadequate and are driven by an urgent need to improve themselves. How can these individuals identify their true selves and foster self-love?

Are there any specific methodologies that could be employed in this regard?

In essence, when an individual verbalizes affirmations to themselves from a place of sincerity within their heart,

I am perpetually plagued by the conviction that I am inadequate.

I am unable to identify a method by which I can love myself.

What changes should be made to my personality?

This marks the inception of self-love.

At the very least, you were able to identify that unloving aspect of yourself.

One has not utilized material possessions, busyness, labels, or other superfluous elements to disguise one's authentic self. Furthermore, one retains the motivation to discover one's true identity amidst the clamour of the modern world. This represents a form of self-acceptance and self-love.

A childhood marked by trauma in the original family has resulted in the formation of a false self that serves to meet the needs of others, while the real self, lacking love and affirmation, remains hidden. If one continues to suppress the painful cries of the real self through various means, attempting to maintain stability and harmony while remaining calm and accepting of the situation, the real self will become increasingly obscured.

Many prominent psychologists have posited that it is essential to shift one's focus from external stimuli to introspection. This process of turning inwards allows individuals to gain insight into their authentic selves and address their emotional and psychological needs.

Indeed, the reason why many individuals are unable to identify their true selves is because they are unwilling to do so. The fear of confronting one's true self, the apprehension associated with past experiences, the shame of not receiving a supportive response, the grief, and the anger can all resurface.

However, the only way to truly let them go is to allow them to appear, to permit their return, and to accept their existence.

Many of life's trials and problems present opportunities for individuals to gain self-awareness and self-acceptance. To illustrate, if an individual were to choose to terminate their employment, terminate a relationship with an unsuitable partner, or relinquish a strongly held attachment, they would be compelled to confront their own capacity for such actions.

One must first remain with the self before determining true goals and desires.

The veracity of one's self is inherently salubrious.

Consequently, when an individual is able to recognize their authentic self and is willing to embrace their inherent imperfections, they embark on the journey of self-love.

The aforementioned information is intended for reference only. Best regards,