Why do you always get angry at your girlfriend because of something she said or did?

Dear Question Asker,

In consideration of the provided description, two potential avenues for the current situation emerge.

1. The emotional bond between you and your current girlfriend is relatively weak. Despite having known each other for ten years, you have only been in a committed relationship for three months. Based on your description of the relationship, it is evident that your love is not particularly deep or strong.

Given the duration of the relationship and the lack of passion, it is reasonable to conclude that the relationship should be more akin to a "matching pair" nature.

Both parties are, to some extent, aware of the situation, and thus have limited detailed planning and expectations for the future.

Therefore, when faced with a conflict, rather than feeling a strong sense of obligation and responsibility to tolerate the other person, one allows oneself to express frustration, which is understandable given the subsequent feelings of remorse.

2. Mental Cleanliness: The questioner will abruptly display intense anger in response to a particular statement or action, as it violates the boundaries of mental cleanliness. This provokes an immediate sense of unacceptability and a desire to disengage.

Furthermore, the unique nature of the relationship as a romantic partner precludes the possibility of direct disengagement, which in turn precipitates a cascade of depressive symptoms and a profound loss of interest and motivation.

The presence of mental cleanliness may be indicative of an obsessive personality. The questioner may exhibit characteristics of a perfectionist or demonstrate symptoms of obsessive-compulsive disorder in certain mundane aspects of life.

It is recommended that when the questioner encounters something he dislikes, he should consider the rationale behind its existence, attempt to accept the situation and the individual responsible, detach his mind from the matter, and strive to be tolerant.

The other person may become suspicious of the relationship after becoming aware of the questioner's diverse psychological states. Therefore, if the questioner wishes to maintain the relationship, it is still necessary for them to take the initiative to demonstrate love and implement changes.

I extend my sincerest wishes for your happiness.

Reflection is the first step to change. The questioner and his girlfriend have had a ten-year friendship, and it was only recently that they started dating. It's not easy, but the process of falling in love has not been smooth, and it is much more difficult than being friends.

How can we avoid arguments with our girlfriends? I think both the questioner and his girlfriend could benefit from developing their emotional intelligence.

Professor Gordon, who came up with the idea of emotional intelligence, thinks that it's about understanding and using emotions. There are four parts to it: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and social skills. Being able to chat is only part of it. It's more about being able to understand your own and other people's emotions, managing your own emotions, and having empathy.

From what the questioner said, it seems like there were three stages to the situation.

The questioner got angry because of something his girlfriend said, and then he stopped talking and was pretty rude. Even though there was some communication, this kind of communication will make the other person even more unhappy. It's also a form of violence, showing that one person doesn't care, doesn't respect, and isn't interested in the other person. It doesn't cause any less harm to the relationship than other forms of violence.

The questioner knows he's feeling negative, but he blames his girlfriend for making him angry and for making him feel bad. Everyone has the right to express their own thoughts, and others can agree or disagree; they can communicate and discuss together, but no one can force others to agree with them. Getting angry is a sign that you're not managing your emotions well.

2. The girlfriend's emotional expression is pretty direct, and she makes it clear that she's not happy with the way the questioner comes across. She reacted strongly, and it's likely that she's very sensitive to the issue of "cold violence" and will lose control if it's triggered.

However, her approach to expressing herself and dealing with the situation is negative. There's nothing positive or constructive about problem-solving or relationship maintenance.

The girlfriend didn't take the time to understand the questioner's negative emotions. She also handled the situation poorly by blacklisting and breaking up with the questioner in the face of strong negative emotions. This shows that there is room for improvement in emotional management and interpersonal skills.

3. After the incident, the questioner and his girlfriend tried to persuade each other to admit they were wrong and that doing things their own way was the right way. This completely defeats the purpose of communication, and they both need to improve their important interpersonal communication skills.

Communication is about sharing your feelings and emotions, and building relationships. It's not about debating, using logic, or presenting evidence to win and make the other person or a third party admit that you're more reasonable.

Communication means learning to listen without judging, criticizing, or accusing, and really listening to the other person to understand their needs. That's the only way to truly understand what the other person really wants, which might be completely different from what you think they want.

As a general rule, if one person in a relationship is suffering, they'll change. When one person changes, it affects the other person too, and the relationship develops in a more harmonious direction.

When you fall in love, you discuss things, you encounter problems, and you solve them together. You deepen your understanding, your mutual understanding, and your emotional bond as you work together. This makes your future relationship stronger.

Hello!

I'm a heart exploration coach, and I believe that learning is the treasure of the body.

From what you've told me, I can see that you're struggling with some inner doubts, confusion, pain, and feelings of helplessness.

I'm not going to get into all the nitty-gritty of your issues because you feel like you're always on the emotional rollercoaster. I'll try to help you figure out why that is, so you can get a better handle on things.

It's possible that your girlfriend's comments or actions are triggering your anger because you've had a negative experience in the past.

Maybe during your upbringing, you heard some hurtful words that stuck with you, like "What you did was wrong," "You should have done this," and so on. These words (and actions too, because you may have internalized some actions that you considered unfriendly in the past) made you feel rejected and angry. But you couldn't defend yourself at the time, so you just endured it and "agreed" with what the other person said, putting yourself in a difficult position. Over time, you became particularly sensitive to those kinds of words. When you are with your girlfriend, she may also say similar things, but she is most likely not rejecting you. She's just giving you advice or being factual, and she doesn't mean to belittle or reject you. But you're still irritated by her words, which suddenly activates your early bad experiences, and you show anger.

And when your girlfriend sees you react so strongly, it also triggers her feelings of damaged narcissism (she feels that you don't care about her, and you get angry over things that shouldn't). So she gets angry too, and when she gets angry, you go back to reality from your earlier bad experience, and then you realize that you got emotional first.

Secondly, it's possible that your tendency to get angry with your girlfriend over certain remarks or actions might be related to your narcissism.

It's only natural that when we feel the hostility of the other party, or feel that we are not good enough, or not worthy of love, we want to argue back. It's only human! And it can lead to us getting emotional.

Third, it's possible that your girlfriend's words or actions are always making you angry because of your habits.

It's totally normal to use emotional means to get close to people and get their attention.

For example, you used to act the same way with your family members. If someone said or did something that made you feel uncomfortable, you would react emotionally to get their attention and an apology or understanding. This would make you feel better. Now, you continue to act this way with your girlfriend.

I really hope this helps! If you want to get out of this situation, you can try this:

First things first! You need to be aware of your problem because awareness is the first step to making a change.

It's great that you mentioned this in your description! It shows that you're already aware of the problem, which is a great start.

The second thing you can do is learn to express your emotions in a calm way.

It's okay to feel what you feel. We all do. But it's also important to learn to express your emotions in a healthy way.

To express your emotions, you first need to identify them, then accept them, and then attribute them. It's important to realize that the current you is different from the past you, and that your girlfriend is also different from the person who made you feel bad before. You need to detach from the bad experiences from the past and return to reality. Finally, express your emotions effectively.

I'd highly recommend reading this part of the book, "Neglected Childhood," which I think you'll find really helpful.

Again, it's so important to consciously "stop" and avoid emotional outbursts.

If you find yourself still prone to emotional outbursts, try counting to ten or forcing yourself to stop when you become aware of it. You can also develop a sense of responsibility for yourself by visualizing the consequences of your emotional outbursts. This will help you realize that getting angry will only strain the relationship and make your girlfriend angry too.

It's totally normal for couples to have some arguments, but it's really important to make sure they're constructive. You can read the book "How to Argue Properly" here, which might help.

I really hope my answer helps! If you'd like to chat some more, just click on "Find a coach for an online conversation" at the bottom and I'll be happy to have a one-on-one conversation with you.

I'm glad we connected!

After reading your description, especially this part: "I feel particularly angry because of something she said or did, and at that moment I feel like I'll instantly lose any interest or motivation," it got me thinking. If someone else said this or did this, would you feel the same way?

If so, the trauma may not necessarily come from your girlfriend. When the same emotion reappears, it's an opportunity to heal the trauma.

You can take a moment to pause and tell your girlfriend that you need a little time to process your emotions. Take a deep breath, find a comfortable spot to sit, and think back to past experiences that have triggered similar feelings.

If you can't deal with the issue yourself, or if it's too big to handle, it's probably best to seek help from a professional counselor.

If your girlfriend is the only one who can make you feel this way, take a moment to calm down and think about why you're so emotional about her words or actions. What psychological needs are you not getting met, so you're feeling this way?

Emotions don't just pop up out of nowhere. When they do, it's important to deal with them in a constructive way. If you're not sure where they're coming from, take a moment to calm down and let your girlfriend know that you're dealing with your emotions in a calm and collected manner.

This way, you can avoid worrying or guessing on your girlfriend's part and communicate more effectively.

Best of luck!

Hello, question asker!

Given how quickly you and your girlfriend went from friends to lovers, it's clear there's a strong attraction between you. However, it's also evident that in just three months, you've identified numerous issues with your girlfriend. She, in turn, has expressed her emotions in a negative way, which is understandably exhausting.

As an outsider, I will express my views and give you new ideas.

First of all,

You've known each other for 10 years. I'm curious about how your relationship has developed over that time. Have you just known each other as people, or have you kept in close contact? Regardless, I'm interested in how you crossed the line from friends to a couple.

Think about what about the other person motivates and interests you. There are also things about you that attract her, which is why you don't want to let her go.

You said almost every conflict is caused by your dissatisfaction with your girlfriend's actions or words. That's the key. You need to seriously review the areas of your dissatisfaction. Only by finding your "problem" can we find a solution. Otherwise, we'll just keep repeating the conflict.

Seek help from outside sources if you lack self-awareness. This could be friends, elders, or platform listening therapists and counselors. You can also learn some psychology to understand yourself.

Your girlfriend's actions seem extreme when she breaks up or blacklists you because she sees that you don't want to talk to her because you're not satisfied. She doesn't know what to do when it comes to conflicts between you, so she resorts to playing the bad guy to get you back together.

This method has clearly been effective for you. It is evident that you both wish to continue your relationship, but you require a more amicable approach to communication.

You need to change, and so does your girlfriend. Talk to her about your thoughts and the goal of learning and improving together when you are happy and at peace with each other. Then, make a relationship plan together.

The questioner also said that they would choose to patiently explain because they were reluctant to give up the relationship. Let's revisit the key question at the beginning: What are you reluctant to give up? Are you reluctant to give up the good feelings your girlfriend brings you, or one of her bright spots, or your own efforts?

This question will help you gain clarity.

If you want to change, you have to be clear on what exactly you are dissatisfied with your girlfriend. You also have to recognize the bright spots in your partner.

Third, you need to find a suitable time to talk to your girlfriend about your conflicts and your future.

You're not alone on this journey. ?

Good day, host. My name is July.

After reading your description, I have a certain understanding of the question you want to ask, and I would like to extend my support in a empathetic and comprehensive manner.

From your description, it is evident that your approach to problem-solving is primarily through a cold treatment. This has led to a sense of dissatisfaction in your girlfriend, as she is also uncertain about the cause of your anger. Consequently, she has resorted to extreme measures in an attempt to address the current issues, as she is also experiencing significant discomfort. She is being treated in a cold manner without any apparent reason, which has led to her becoming irrational in response. This is because she is experiencing a sense of suffocation and is forced to endure circumstances that she believes are unfair.

Indeed, recognizing the existence of the current problems is a positive development. At the very least, the problem has been identified, which will facilitate its resolution.

In light of the aforementioned description, it is pertinent to inquire as to why you are perpetually disgruntled about the remarks or actions of your partner. It is plausible that the sentiments expressed or actions taken by your partner have touched upon a particularly sensitive aspect of your emotional being, which has led you to resort to a detached and indifferent approach in addressing the matter. However, it is essential to consider whether these interactions mirror the patterns of interpersonal communication observed between you and your parents during your formative years. If such similarities exist, it is possible that they represent unresolved issues from the past, which have manifested in the present relationship.

In this regard, I have also provided a summary of some methods that may assist in alleviating the current situation, and it is my hope that they will prove beneficial to some extent.

(1) It is imperative to communicate promptly and refrain from relying excessively on cold treatment as a means of problem-solving, as it can inflict significant emotional distress. Instead, it is more beneficial to express one's feelings directly, rather than suppressing them.

(2) Express more often, rather than adopting a detached approach to problem-solving. It should be noted that if a matter can be verbalised, it is not inherently problematic.

(3) It is not uncommon for individuals in romantic relationships to engage in exaggerated behaviors, particularly when seeking to demonstrate their continued interest and commitment to the relationship. This can manifest as harsh words or actions, which may be perceived as a form of provocation. It is important to recognize that emotional intensity is a common aspect of romantic relationships, particularly among women.

(4) It is recommended that you communicate more and express yourself more freely. It is important to be confident in your beliefs about your girlfriend and to express them. This will help to strengthen your relationship.

(5) Additionally, one may choose to engage in a discussion with a friend with whom they have a positive rapport. This allows for the expression of thoughts and feelings, which can subsequently lead to a reduction in emotional distress.

The world and I extend our love to you.

I wish you the best of success.

Thanks for the reply. It's helpful. I read it a few times to understand. Your problem is solved!

You seem like a caring person who enjoys being with your family. This shows you love your girlfriend.

Secondly, your girlfriend loves you. She bought you a cake, so she must love you. You love her too. Why would you be angry with her for "making fun" of you?

You and your girlfriend don't speak the "language of love"!

Your girlfriend buys you a cake and gifts without telling you. She thinks this shows her love for you. You think gifts are a formality. You don't want to put anyone under pressure because of gifts. This is how you show your love for others!

Your girlfriend made a few jokes about buying a cake and other things. You feel like she doesn't consider your feelings.

You both love each other, but don't understand each other.

If this happened to me, I would:

If my girlfriend says something sad, I'll say, "I'm sad too."

"Rescue me, care for me, and love me!"

Giving a gift is a way of showing love and closeness.

I'd say, "I got your love! I'll let it merge with my body later."

We're like oil and water.

Talk to your family. When your girlfriend calls and says she can't wait, I would say, "My family and I were just chatting. If we work things out, you can become my family, and we can chat together until the middle of the night!"

Make a mistake, cling to her, and say, "I was wrong to be angry. I shouldn't have been angry with you. I've already scolded myself. Just hit me! Punish me by making me kneel in front of the durian and the washing board!"

"Just to make you happy!"

These methods aren't the best, but they're better than going back at me directly!

You don't know how to love. It's causing harm!

Should you apologize to your girlfriend and accept her gift?

Read The Five Languages of Love and watch Lost in Translation. They can help you!

Good luck!

Hello, friend! I'm the Yi Psychology answer Destroying and Rebirth, and I'm so happy to be able to connect with you on the Yi Psychology platform. I hope my words can bring you warmth ☀️

First of all, I can tell that you two truly love each other! It's so great to see that you're both so in sync. If you didn't love her and didn't care about her, why would you get angry over something she said or did?

If she doesn't love you, it's not really fair to be angry with her, is it? And if you don't love her, it's probably not the best idea to try to explain to her why you feel that way.

It's so interesting how you two are saying the opposite! It's no accident that you two are together!

Let's be honest, you two were originally in love, but you hurt each other when you got along! This shows that there's a serious breakdown in the language of love between you two, which is totally normal.

Everyone has a different upbringing, and that means they understand love in different ways. The good news is that when you and your partner speak the same language of love, your relationship will go far! It's like speaking Chinese and English—if you speak your "Chinese" and she speaks her "English," there's no way to communicate.

So what you need to do now is not to "reason with her," but to lower your own pride, give in to her wishes, dote on her, coddle her, say something soft, and admit that you were wrong! After all, women respond to soft words, not hard ones!

I'll leave you with these two lines from the classic movie Lost in Russia: "Reasoning in a relationship is the greatest kind of unreasoning!" and "Love is not about control and demands; it's about acceptance and respect."

I really think you should watch this movie! I hope it helps!

I totally get it! Your question is very general and not specific enough. Would you like me to give you an example to illustrate it?

I am confident that my answer will be helpful to you.

We will analyze it from three perspectives based on your description.

1. I was particularly angry because of a certain remark or action on her part.

We need to see some specific examples to get to the bottom of this. What sentence? What action?

Please provide more specific details.

Tell me what you thought when she said "this sentence" and did "this action."

I want to know why it made me angry. I want to understand the story behind it.

This is something we must feel and understand.

2. When she finds me like this, she will become even angrier than I am. She will send a lot of negative messages and say a lot of discouraging things. Either she will ask for a breakup or she will delete and block all her friends.

2. When she finds me like this, she will become even angrier than I am. She will send a lot of negative messages and say a lot of discouraging things. Either she will ask for a breakup or she will delete and block all her friends.

Let's analyze the current relationship pattern.

Let's analyze the current relationship pattern.

She's angry and coming at you. Let's take a look at your state at this time.

She's angry and coming at you. Let's take a look at your state at this time.

[Not at all interested in talking to the other person, and will remain silent for a long time except for necessary communication.]

Let me be clear:

You were silent. She didn't get a response from you to her anger. That's correct, isn't it?

The current pattern of your relationship is clear: she gets angry and you remain silent. It's like one party attacks but the other party doesn't respond.

She got angrier and angrier the more she didn't respond. She even blocked me.

It's like a stone thrown into water—it should cause ripples, but there aren't any.

She will be very agitated, helpless, and insecure, so she will say extreme things and do extreme things. She wants acceptance and a response. Her extreme behavior may hide her needs and expectations of you.

3. I would not end the relationship easily. I would patiently explain to her why I was angry and reason with her. I would tell her not to be so emotional before resorting to such extreme behavior. She didn't want to listen to me and argued with me, saying that she was not emotional at all.

After her emotions have subsided, you will explain to her and reason with her. You may have misinterpreted what this girl was expecting, but you will reason with her again.

After she calms down, you will explain to her and reason with her. You may have misinterpreted what this girl expects, but you will reason with her again.

She understands the principles you're talking about, right?

However, what does she expect? She expects your care, concern, and love.

There's no need to argue about who's right and who's wrong in a relationship. What matters is showing the other person love and care. Is that right?

Replacing the truth with a playful picture and a cup of your favorite drink might be a good idea.

We should definitely try.

Two independent selves enter a relationship and become us. It is inevitable that there will be some collisions, some disadaptation, and some marks from our past lives that will appear at a certain moment. In a relationship, we must learn to see and hear each other, accompany each other, and accommodate each other.

Two independent selves enter a relationship and become us. It is inevitable that there will be some collisions, some disadaptation, and some marks from our past lives that will appear at a certain moment. In a relationship, we must learn to see and hear each other, accompany each other, and rub against each other.

You must learn to see and hear each other, accompany each other, and rub against each other.

I know you will continue to grow and be happy in your intimate relationship!

Hello!

Host:

After reading the post, I can tell that the poster is ready to make some changes. He's already taken the first step by seeking help on the platform. I admire his courage in expressing his distress and actively seeking help. This will undoubtedly help him gain a deeper understanding of himself and make positive adjustments.

I'm really excited to share my observations and thoughts in the post, which I think will help you, the original poster, look at the situation from a more diverse perspective!

1. Go ahead and record!

In the post, it was observed that the poster mentioned that you get angry because of something your girlfriend said or did. But don't worry! Because of this, there will be some conflicts in the process of getting along with your girlfriend. So let's discuss what we can do for ourselves in such a situation. Then I think the poster you might try to record.

Let's make a list of all the things that make your girlfriend angry! And let's also make a list of all the situations that make you angry!

It would be really helpful for us to know what kind of feelings you have when you get angry, and what kind of images come to mind! We can all write these down and record them.

These records will help us find the rules of our anger!

This is a great way to help us understand and recognize ourselves better! Often, when we get angry, it's not just about the current event. It's also about memories that the current event may have triggered.

Or it can cause some of the unprocessed emotions that we have suppressed to resurface, thus making us lose control of our emotions. But here's the good news: we can regain control!

2. Uncover the hidden message behind our emotions!

In the post, the host mentioned that you get angry because of your girlfriend's words and actions. Anger is our emotion, but there is so much more going on beneath the surface!

For example, let's explore what kind of thoughts and opinions caused our emotions! And let's also look at what needs and expectations we have behind this opinion.

Oh, what kind of longing is there?

These are all things we can explore! It's important to remember that our emotions are not good or bad; they are a bridge to our inner selves.

So we can get closer to our inner selves by exploring it. And we can also imagine what our emotions would express if they could speak!

And the best part is, through such exploration, we may also find the hidden message behind the emotion!

3. The amazing ability to pause!

For you, the landlord, there's an amazing thing you can do for yourself right now. You can become aware of your emotions! If we're not aware of our emotions, we might not get along with them very well. But when we're aware of them, we can learn to navigate them in a way that works for us. So let's all take a moment to be aware of our inner feelings and emotions!

Once you realize what you're angry about, you can learn to stop yourself! Take a moment to see what's going on and why you're feeling so strongly. You can even tell your girlfriend you need a little time and space to work through your emotions.

If we can be aware of our emotions and call a halt in time when we are with our girlfriend, I think we'll find there are fewer conflicts in your relationship! It's not easy, but it's worth it!

We can absolutely do this! Meditation, yoga, and other methods can help us practice our awareness more.

I really hope this has been helpful and inspiring for you! My name is Zeng Chen, and I'm a mindfulness coach. If you have any questions, you can also click to find a coach for one-on-one communication, companionship, and growth.

Hello, host, I hope my answer can be of some help to you.

It's clear that the landlord and his girlfriend have a strong bond. However, when one party feels neglected or experiences intense emotions, it can be challenging to maintain composure. You choose to remain silent, while she chooses to block you on social media or even end the relationship. But in reality, you've realized that this approach doesn't fully address the underlying conflict, right?

Indeed, when we transition from the passionate period of being in love to the period of constant friction, we often find that the differences that initially seemed unimportant in the heat of the moment become more apparent. For instance, there may be disagreements about seemingly trivial matters, such as how to squeeze toothpaste, whether the toilet seat should be put down after use, whether the hair in the bathroom is cleaned in time, who does the dishes and who cooks. These are all matters that, on the surface, may seem inconsequential, but they can lead to prolonged and unproductive arguments. It's important to recognize that more arguing can also have a detrimental impact on the relationship, and in some cases, it can even lead to the breakdown of a marriage.

How might we best resolve these conflicts?

How might we best resolve these conflicts?

If I may, I would like to share with you a tool that I have found helpful in such situations. It is a way of distinguishing between positions and needs. I have found that using this tool can effectively help you focus on the common interests and needs of the two people involved, rather than on the issue of whose position is right and whose is wrong.

If I may, I would like to share with you a tool that I have found helpful in such situations. It is a tool for distinguishing between positions and needs. I have found that using this tool can effectively help you focus on the common interests and needs of the two people involved, rather than on the issue of who is right and who is wrong.

It might be said that the positions of both sides are like the tip of an iceberg above the water, which seems irreconcilable. However, it could be argued that below the surface, the interests and needs are intertwined and require our attention.

It might be said that the positions of both sides are like the tip of an iceberg above the water, which at first glance appears irreconcilable. However, below the surface, the interests and needs are intertwined and require our attention.

It may be surprising to learn that even when it seems as though there is no way forward, there is always a way to find a solution if you can understand the other party's real needs.

For instance, your girlfriend may appear angry when you immediately check your phone as soon as you get home. While it seems that your girlfriend is unhappy about you checking your phone, it's possible that what she really wants is for you to spend more time with her, pay more attention to her, and respond to her.

If you focus on the other person's perspective and explain that you were checking your phone because you were working, it might lead to a disagreement about who is right and who is wrong.

If you can see your partner's needs at this time, you might consider responding directly, saying something like, "Honey, I have some urgent work to do here. It will only take about half an hour. After I'm done, I'd love to chat with you, okay?" I think this conflict will immediately disappear without a trace.

If your girlfriend can express her needs in a gentle way, for example, by saying something like, "Honey, you've been looking at your phone since you got home, and I feel a little lost. Can you talk to me now? I need you to pay more attention to me,"

By recognizing and meeting each other's needs, we can avoid many conflicts.

It would be beneficial, therefore, in our daily communication, to learn to express our real needs and demands, and also to listen to the other person's feelings and needs. By establishing this kind of deep connection, we can avoid repeating this superficial pattern of arguing.

Additionally, it would be beneficial to learn how to deal with the narrowing effect when we are emotionally agitated.

The narrowing effect can be described as a narrowing of focus and perception, which occurs when a person is under the influence of strong emotions such as fear or anger. In such instances, individuals may find themselves easily fixating on a single detail or point, while their field of vision and perception narrow. This can result in a tendency to act on impulses and engage in behaviors that may not align with their long-term goals.

It would seem that neurophysiologists have found that when someone is in a narrowing state, their body will secrete certain chemicals that drive them to vent their anger. This would suggest that people under the narrowing effect may find it difficult to resist all the impulses in front of them, and may be controlled by their physical and emotional instincts. It may therefore be counterproductive for them to try to resist and restrain using reason.

It is therefore worth noting that when we are particularly angry, reasoning may not have the desired effect. When emotional problems remain unresolved, those who are trying to reason with others may inadvertently come across as more annoying.

How might one proceed in this situation?

If I might suggest, there are two things we can do for ourselves:

1. Stay aware: One of the most effective ways to regulate emotions is to stay aware of them. This allows you to understand your emotional state, which can help you avoid impulsive actions that you may regret later. So, how can you stay self-aware?

One simple way to relax is to focus on your breathing. When you feel your emotions rising and your body becoming tense, your breathing will likely become rapid. At this point, you can take a few minutes to calm your breathing and notice where your body feels tense. This is a straightforward way to relax.

2. If you feel the situation is not beneficial or there is no time to make urgent adjustments, you can politely inform the other person that you are feeling emotional and may require a few minutes to calm down.

"On other occasions, you might consider saying something like, 'I'm sorry, but I need to go to the bathroom or find a place to calm down. I'm sure you understand.'"

If I might make a suggestion, perhaps you could try the following approach:

If you find yourself in a similar situation with someone else, you can try this approach:

If I might make one more suggestion, it would be to consider the following:

1. Try to listen actively to understand the other person's real needs.

If you can see the other person's emotions and respond to them before or during a conflict, you may find that you have already resolved most of the problem. During this process, it could be helpful to learn how to actively listen. How might we listen?

When listening, it may be helpful to pay attention to the other person's body language and expressions, try to sense the other person's emotions, and try to understand what the other person's emotional state is really like at this time. If you can go one step further and try to understand why the other person feels this way and see what the other person's inner needs are, you may be able to use the previously mentioned method of distinguishing between positions and needs to deal with it.

2. It may be helpful to consider controlling the rhythm by first expressing your emotions and then reasoning.

It may be helpful to consider that addressing the other person's emotions could be a key step in finding a solution. Given that people often perceive time to slow down when they're in a narrowing effect, it might be beneficial to allow for a sufficient amount of time and patience when listening to emotions. Effective questioning could also be a useful approach for gradually releasing the emotions of the other person.

Once emotions have subsided, it may be possible to resolve the problem more quickly.

Perhaps if we can think outside the box, stop being limited by our own positions, and stop arguing about right and wrong, we can see beyond appearances and see the other person's real needs. It might be that if you are truly willing to satisfy the other person's needs with deep affection, and the other person is also willing to see your needs and satisfy your needs, then you have already understood the true meaning of happiness, and your intimate relationship will continue to improve.

I wish you all the best in your endeavors!