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Why does a man make all his women bitter?

ex-boyfriend long-distance relationship arguments control indifference
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Why does a man make all his women bitter? By Anonymous | Published on December 18, 2024

I was once his girlfriend, but after I woke up, we broke up. My ex-boyfriend will make anyone with him become very aggressive.

When he was at school, he and his girlfriend were in a long-distance relationship. He said they broke up because she kept asking him to go to her place and keep her company, but he didn't have the money or time. They just kept arguing and eventually broke up.

He and his wife argue a lot. His wife checks his phone, controls him, and cries a lot, saying that he doesn't spend time with her! He says that his wife used to be a nice person when they were dating, but why is she so annoying after they got married?

We are also in a long-distance relationship. When we are together, he is especially gentle, patient and considerate towards me, which makes me feel special. This has led to the situation where I don't want to be apart, but once we are apart, I feel that he is indifferent, and he doesn't contact me for a long time. He feels annoyed by my needs and considers them a burden.

He doesn't like clingy women, so I accommodate him and don't bother him, waiting for him to come to me. But this feeling is driving me crazy! We are three hours apart, but we haven't seen each other for three months, so he says there's nothing he can do, he can't get away.

I've become very short-tempered and always lose my temper with the people around me for no reason! He'll say, "Why are you women all the same?"

The three of us probably all want him to spend time with us, but he only does it when he wants to, and when he doesn't feel like it, he finds me annoying. Is it my problem or his?

Ariana Pearl Warner Ariana Pearl Warner A total of 7574 people have been helped

Hello!

I am a heart coach, and learning is the treasure of the body.

From your description, I can tell you have doubts, confusion, and a strong desire to know the answer.

I won't go into the details of the troubles caused by the three women in your ex-boyfriend's life (including yourself) and how they made you grumpy. I'll give you the reasons for this, so you can understand it better.

The first reason is that the three of you have become short-tempered because you want his company but cannot get it. This is probably because you have expectations of him – that he will be there for you and love you.

Love needs companionship because it means valuing each other. Everyone longs to be loved and seen, especially in love, and to be cared for. You are testing whether he cares about you and loves you through his companionship. When he is unwilling to accompany you, you feel that he doesn't care about you, and you get angry.

You all want him to do things your way and expect him to read your mind. When he doesn't, you get angry.

They want to use anger and tantrums to make him see their needs—to be accompanied and loved.

Second, you have become short-tempered and always argue with him, which is likely due to a lack of inner security.

Women need to feel secure, and the only way to feel secure in love is to be together a lot.

He was in a long-distance relationship with his girlfriend while he was at school, and you and he are also in a long-distance relationship. Long-distance relationships are difficult to maintain because there is no guarantee that you can see each other at any time, which causes anxiety on both sides. His wife may also lack a sense of security, otherwise she would not always check his phone. He is unable to meet the need for security among the three of you in time, so your expectations will be disappointed, and you will get angry and argue.

You ask whose problem it is. The answer is that there is no such thing as an absolute right or wrong. It may be that you don't know each other well enough and lack communication. It could also be said that you are both learning how to manage your love life.

If he loves us, he should be with us. It's as simple as that. If you love someone, you meet their needs. Love is about being together and being there for each other.

Let me be clear: your three people's needs are high expectations and high demands. It's difficult for him to achieve them. He has no money and no time to spend with you. He feels forced and controlled. He doesn't feel free and is bound. He chooses to "escape." His ex-girlfriend and you are examples of this. He became indifferent and broke up. His current relationship with his wife is not good. The more his wife looks at his phone, the more he feels controlled. He'll be further away from his wife. His wife will become uneasy. She'll try to control him, creating a vicious cycle.

A good relationship is not about being "intimate." It's about "intimacy," which means giving each other freedom and space. That's respect, trust, and love. It also means good communication, expressing needs more often, starting sentences with "I," and communicating with the other person calmly and without emotions.

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A woman's sense of security comes from satisfying herself, recognizing herself, seeing herself, accepting herself, and learning to love herself. Only then can she love others well and manage her relationships well.

I believe this analysis and understanding will be helpful to you. If you want to communicate further, click on "Find a coach for an interpretation – online conversation" at the bottom. We can then communicate one-on-one.

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Josiah Josiah A total of 6316 people have been helped

Hello, host! I really hope my answer can be of some help to you.

It's not just you three who need companionship, sweetie. In an intimate relationship, in love, a girl wants her partner to be there for her. But he's only ever thinking about himself. He's there when he needs to be, but when he doesn't need to be, he gets annoyed. This is because sometimes he does want your company, but sometimes he doesn't, and he just wants to be left alone.

So, because of his personality, his wife feels insecure in the relationship. She's trying to control him because she feels insecure. Crying or checking his phone—it's because she feels insecure that she uses these methods to try to gain some sense of security. But this doesn't solve the problem. It just annoys him and doesn't meet his needs.

From what you've told me, it seems like he'd like to be the dominant partner in the relationship. He doesn't like it when women are too clingy, so he'd prefer women to be accommodating, not to bother him when there's nothing wrong, and to be there for him when he needs them. This can make people feel insecure and uncertain, which is totally understandable!

In a relationship, it's natural for a guy to want to be the center of attention. If he has to make room for others and meet their needs, it can be tough.

So, if you're in a relationship where you're always meeting his needs but he's not meeting yours, it might be tough to keep things going. It's important to have a relationship where both of you are able to meet each other's needs. If you're always putting him first, it can be hard for the relationship to grow. It's like what happened with his ex-girlfriend. If you always suppress your own needs to keep him happy, you might end up getting frustrated and looking for an emotional outlet in other people.

It's so important to remember that an intimate relationship is not just about that initial sweet and romantic period. During that time, we are attracted to the other person because of all their wonderful qualities and feel like they are the best person there is. But, as we all know, things don't always go smoothly. When the rough patch comes and the shortcomings of both sides are exposed, it can be really tough to adjust. If there is no good communication, it can be easy to break up.

It's totally normal to get deeply involved with someone you like because of their gentleness and consideration. But it's also normal to have some conflicts and contradictions during the adjustment period. This is a great chance for you to learn more about yourself and what you need in an intimate relationship. You'll get to see what your most important needs are and what areas you need to grow and break through in. For example, you really value gentleness and consideration in a relationship, and you also care about the other person's company. When you have conflicts, you'll get to learn how to communicate effectively and in depth.

It's so important to remember that intimacy can't be managed just by following your feelings. We all need to learn and grow! I'd really recommend reading books like "Managing Intimate Relationships," "The Art of Love," "Nonviolent Communication," "Intimacy," and "The Five Love Skills." And I really hope you'll find your own happiness in your future intimate relationships!

I wish you all the happiness in the world!

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Wren Wren A total of 4788 people have been helped

Topic master, excellent work.

From your description, it is evident that you experience a complex array of emotions, including resentment, anger, and doubt. When you are in his presence, he displays a notable degree of gentleness and consideration, which engenders a profound sense of joy and love. However, when you are apart, he exhibits a striking indifference, as if he has undergone a transformation. In the context of your love for him, you feel a sense of injustice, yet you choose to accommodate his behavior, hoping to express your affection and elicit a more favorable response from him.

It is evident that this form of compromise is untenable. You have also observed that he exhibits a similar attitude and approach with his former girlfriend, his current wife, and you. This leads you to perceive him as selfish and causes you distress about the relationship. Consequently, you have chosen to terminate it. However, you still have reservations and grievances about the relationship and him. You seek to ascertain whether the issues are his or yours.

When a relationship ends, both parties are undoubtedly at fault. However, based on your description, it seems that this man's affection, care, and adoration for his partner are driven by his own needs. He is notably direct and reluctant to invest the time and energy required to understand a woman's perspective, negotiate, and compromise for the sake of the relationship. He is fearful of conflict and tends to perceive the woman's actions as excessive and unreasonable, while viewing his own actions as justified.

If one is uncertain as to whether the issue lies with the man or the woman in the relationship, the description provided suggests that there are significant problems with the way this man interacts with his partner and his attitude towards the relationship. It is not simply a matter of love, but rather that he is unwilling to invest too much effort or does not have the ability to maintain a relationship. This kind of approach also makes women feel very insecure. If one does not recognize the man, does not have good self-regulation skills, and cannot manage one's emotions, one will become hostile and irritable.

At this juncture, he may exhibit a tendency to ascribe responsibility and blame to you, which could potentially lead to feelings of self-doubt. However, you have demonstrated resilience and the capacity to rationally analyze the relationship and his actions. After a period of introspection and reflection, you have made the informed decision to terminate the relationship. This demonstrates your ability to regulate your emotions and exercise sound judgment.

One might then inquire as to the rationale behind this man's treatment of his partner. The following two aspects will be analyzed in an effort to provide a more rational perspective on the relationship and facilitate the dissolution of the relationship in a manner that allows for a more fulfilling life.

There are inherent differences between men and women in terms of their thought processes and approaches to relationships.

As the book posits, there are significant differences in the way the two sexes think. Men are more rational and gain a sense of self-worth through strength, ability, and achievement, while women are more emotional and have higher needs for interpersonal relationships and emotions. Women crave the most care, understanding, respect, loyalty, consideration, and comfort; men want trust, acceptance, adoration, encouragement, appreciation, and recognition the most.

In light of these discrepancies, it is imperative for men to cultivate the ability to listen attentively and with composure, while women must endeavor to instill in their partners a sense of trust and confidence.

The relationship progressed in a way that did not adequately address the aforementioned differences. Based on the provided description, it can be inferred that the issue was more pronounced in the male partner, as he disregarded the needs of his partner and failed to consider her needs for him. The source of irritation was likely rooted in the desire for greater attention and care from the male partner.

2. Attitudes and needs in relationships are also related to personal growth experiences.

Some individuals are socialized in families where they do not learn effective interpersonal skills for navigating relationships. They may grow up in an environment where their father is dominant and unresponsive to their needs, and their mother is consistently accommodating and self-sacrificing. This dynamic is often internalized as the ideal model for the relationship between the two sexes. As a result, men may believe that they should prioritize their careers while women should prioritize supporting them. This leads to a lack of understanding of the importance of mutual respect and the necessity of joint effort and care in a relationship.

Consequently, a rational analysis of the relationship and the individual in question will reveal the underlying causes of his behavior. It is not possible to alter an individual's perception or approach to relationships through this method. The only viable course of action is to become more rational, regulate one's emotions, and express one's needs in a composed manner, with the aim of achieving a more positive emotional experience in future relationships.

I extend my best wishes to the original poster. They have demonstrated considerable courage and discernment, and I am confident that they will be able to safeguard their interests even more effectively in the future.

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Yolanda Yolanda A total of 6226 people have been helped

Good day, question asker. My name is Evan.

Affirm the questioner's resolve and offer encouragement. How should one proceed when contemplating the potential consequences of distancing oneself from one's romantic partner and one's own emotional needs?

In the event that a relationship is unable to meet one's long-term needs, it is advisable to undertake a thorough evaluation of the situation and consider the most appropriate course of action. Some individuals may opt to terminate the relationship, while others may choose to pursue a change. It is essential to conduct a comprehensive assessment of the trajectory of the intimate relationship.

It is not possible for another individual to provide the questioner with the correct response. It is essential that the questioner listens to their own thoughts and emotions. These factors will play a significant role in determining the future trajectory of the relationship.

From the questioner's account, it can be surmised that the questioner's boyfriend may be a Pick-Up Artist (PUA) or may be avoiding intimate emotional relationships. When intimacy is approached, he displays a high level of resistance. It is therefore incumbent upon the questioner to undertake a period of careful reflection. Does the boyfriend have an understanding of the questioner's needs? Does he have an awareness of the nature of the relationship between the two of them?

If the questioner's needs are known, there is no need to rely on these behaviors to exert control. The questioner must therefore carefully perceive the motivation behind them.

In light of the aforementioned circumstances, it seems prudent to offer the questioner a few brief suggestions.

It is essential to identify the underlying motives driving your boyfriend's actions.

It is often the case that the boyfriend's behavior and accusations are not the root of the problem. The questioner is under no obligation to obey him. In many instances, these behaviors may be the result of intimate interaction patterns acquired from the boyfriend's original family, or he may be attempting to avoid or exert control.

It is not uncommon to experience feelings of distress and resentment when confronted with one's partner's alienation and accusations. It is essential to recognize that the actions of a partner may be driven by underlying motives. It is crucial to assess the trajectory of the relationship and to determine how to navigate the emotional dynamics between the two individuals. It is also important to ascertain whether the partner can continue to provide the same level of care and support as before. Even if forgiveness is granted, it is vital to determine whether the relationship can resume the level of intimacy and commitment that existed during the early stages of dating.

The response to this question is contingent upon the identity of the individual posing it.

When a problem arises in a close relationship, it is important to recognize that the boyfriend's attitude may be a contributing factor. A healthy intimate relationship requires joint efforts from both partners. Attempting to resolve issues unilaterally is not a sustainable solution and can lead to fatigue over time.

Additionally, the questioner may wish to consider whether their relationship with their boyfriend is conducive to a healthy dynamic.

It is recommended that you convey your feelings to the relevant individuals.

The behavior exhibited by your boyfriend, which may be described as distancing and controlling, is not conducive to the survival of the intimate relationship. In addition to causing you discomfort, such behavior may also have a detrimental impact on the relationship. One potential avenue for addressing these concerns is to initiate a conversation with your boyfriend about your own attitudes and expectations regarding intimacy, as well as your desire for his behavior in this area to align with your expectations.

When the questioner is dissatisfied with their current intimate relationship, they may attempt to alter the relationship. The questioner may express these feelings to their boyfriend. If the questioner truly desires to terminate the intimate relationship, or if the relationship is no longer conducive to the questioner's happiness, the questioner must consider whether to separate or remain together. The questioner and their boyfriend have exhibited difficulties in their mode of communication, which has resulted in the current circumstances.

It is inadvisable to publicize one's intimate relationship until it has reached its conclusion.

The questioner is currently experiencing difficulties in their intimate relationship. It is possible that the individual in question has developed feelings of resentment as a result of their boyfriend's attitude. This may have led to a desire to share their emotions and experiences with their family, friends, and even on social media. However, it is important to recognise that making decisions about one's romantic future is not a decision that should be made on the basis of external influences. If the questioner still wishes to maintain their relationship, it is possible that they may face social pressure and criticism if they do not maintain the relationship.

It is advisable to refrain from disclosing the details of the situation to a wider audience. However, seeking guidance from a trusted individual who can assist in resolving the issue and provide counsel is a viable option.

Disclosing one's situation to friends and family may provide a transient sense of catharsis. However, this will likely be followed by feelings of regret and the return of distress.

The abundance of advice from various sources may result in a lack of clarity regarding the most appropriate course of action. If a friend recommends a breakup, and the individual in question chooses to heed this advice, it may prove challenging to reconcile future interactions with this friend if a reconciliation with one's romantic partner occurs.

Ultimately, one must follow one's heart.

In the context of intimate relationships, family and friends can offer advice, but ultimately, the decision rests with the individual in question. Regardless of whether the decision is to end the relationship or to remain in it, the individual is the sole arbiter of the experiences of joy and sorrow that they will have on their chosen path. These experiences are not influenced by the opinions of others.

In light of these considerations, it is evident that the questioner must ultimately determine their own course of action, regardless of external opinions. While external perspectives may offer insights into alternative perspectives, the ultimate decision rests with the questioner. Therefore, it is prudent to follow one's own heart in making decisions.

It is advisable to allow oneself to calm down before making a decision.

In response to one's partner's behavior, it is not uncommon for individuals to experience a sense of disbelief and distress. It can be likened to a sudden realization that a treasured possession has lost its value. While such a situation may be challenging to navigate, it is crucial to prioritize the preservation of the intimate relationship. It is, therefore, advisable for the individual in question to take a moment to reflect and consider their options before making any hasty decisions.

It is recommended that a period of rest and recuperation be undertaken, which may entail a brief excursion of several days' duration. During this time, it is advised that one refrain from hastily proposing a separation or making other significant decisions. Once a state of composure has been achieved, it would be prudent to consider the potential consequences of any proposed action, with a view to ensuring that the decision ultimately taken is beneficial to both parties and conducive to the long-term stability of the relationship.

The questioner may wish to consider taking a brief period of respite to allow time for reflection and the potential identification of a solution. It is acknowledged that the questioner may be inclined to act promptly, however, it is recommended that they allow themselves time to calm before communicating their thoughts.

It is recommended that time be allowed to facilitate the healing of emotional wounds.

If the relationship has caused the OP emotional distress, it will require time for the OP to recuperate. The healing of emotional wounds may not occur as rapidly as the OP anticipates, and it will take a considerable length of time before the OP can fully regain confidence and love in life. Regardless of the continuation of the intimate relationship, even if the two parties reach a consensus and work together, it will take a considerable length of time to return to a "normal" life and restore the original trust and affection between you.

The future trajectory of this relationship remains uncertain. Regardless of its continuation, the outcome is not a positive one. Even in the context of relationships, the questioner requires an extended period of time to process and come to terms with their emotions.

It is therefore imperative that the questioner be prepared mentally for the fact that life must go on, and that the person who can move forward with the questioner may be different.

Regardless of how the questioner responds to this intimate relationship, it is of the utmost importance to adhere to one's genuine thoughts and convictions. Only time will provide the questioner with a definitive answer.

It is hoped that the questioner will take care of their body when dealing with their emotions. It is possible that this adverse experience has caused the questioner to become physically and mentally exhausted. However, it is still important to take care of oneself. Should the questioner experience psychological problems following this relationship setback, it is advisable to seek the assistance of a qualified psychological practitioner. This is another important aspect of self-care.

Life is inherently challenging; it is therefore important to appreciate and value each moment.

It is my hope that this response will prove beneficial to the original poster.

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Sam Phoenix Wilson Sam Phoenix Wilson A total of 7611 people have been helped

Hello, I'm Qu Huidong, a psychological counselor who loves to speak in images!

First of all, I want to congratulate you on your courage to end the relationship and face a new life!

Embrace the excitement of a new life! While past experiences might make you feel a little uncertain, remember that you're on the brink of an incredible journey.

It seems that your ex-boyfriend's rejection has made you doubt yourself, but I'm here to tell you that you're going to be just fine!

I want to say that that relationship was not meant to be seen in the light of day — and that's a good thing!

And combined with the fact that you are in different places, you have a strong sense of uncertainty in the relationship and a great need for security.

It's perfectly normal! And you can definitely get through this. If similar emotional experiences arise in your next normal relationship,

The good news is that it's not too late to deal with it and discuss it!

And that's it!

It seems like he's been really open with you about his relationships!

And what is the purpose of telling you so clearly?

It's as if you're telling him what he likes and what he doesn't like!

You have the exciting opportunity to follow his standards and become the ideal object for him!

This is undoubtedly a belittlement of women's identity, and it makes us lose our independence and right to be autonomous! But there's so much more to life than that!

Now you can have the courage to end the relationship with him!

Absolutely! You can absolutely regain your independence.

Remember this amazing feeling of having rights!

Feel the incredible sense of inner strength!

Believe it! You will have your own beautiful love!

Wishing you all the best!

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Roberta Lily Carson Roberta Lily Carson A total of 6390 people have been helped

Hello, I'm Huang Xiaolu, and I'm here to help!

I really think that if you let go of this intimate-relationship-and-sex-7658.html" target="_blank">relationship, you can look at your ex-boyfriend from the outside.

It seems like he's never had a long-term intimate relationship in his life.

He's drawn to a woman's gentleness, thoughtfulness, and understanding, not so much the woman herself.

At the same time, no matter what stage of the relationship you are in or who you are with, he only has eyes for himself. It's so sad! He ignores the other person's needs, and every time you are together, he is the one who is happy and considerate. He needs to be with you before he can be there for you.

It's so sad, but he ignores or fails to sense the needs of the other person, so the women with him generally feel insecure.

And the result is so obvious!

There's no doubt about it, this man is charming and knows how to please women, at least when he's with you!

But at the same time, you might also feel that he might not be the best partner and might find it difficult to maintain a long-term intimate relationship.

You say that his women will become violent after a long time, which is actually a kind of self-attack, a cry, a demand. I can see how that might be hard to hear.

It's so sad when girls like this don't like this about themselves, but there's nothing they can do about it. They've discovered that this is the only way to make themselves feel loved and cared for. It's so sad when you both begin to suppress your inner needs, not expressing them, and being the good partner he wants. But you found that the more you did this, the less you got what you wanted, and the other person couldn't hear your needs and cries for help, and continued to arrange things according to his own pace of life.

It's so sad when you lose yourself and your needs because of this kind of humility. In the end, you all left this man by taking the initiative to leave or by distancing yourself. The man got his wish and gained his freedom. But you have become what you don't want to be.

It's so hard to lose yourself for love, isn't it? And it's the same when you fall in love with a man who only loves himself.

I just wanted to say congratulations on leaving. You have a partner who is worth loving. You support each other, improve each other, need each other, and develop independently. Well done!

Thank you so much for reading! If you found it helpful, please don't forget to click "useful." ?

We're so happy to welcome you to the WeChat official account of Yi Psychology with Huang Xiaolu!

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Fabian Fabian A total of 6477 people have been helped

Dear OP,

Perhaps it would be helpful to take a moment to consider your question from God's perspective.

I'm a bit confused by the contradiction in your narrative.

It would seem that when you are together, he is very sweet and patient, but when you are apart, he becomes cold.

It seems that when you are together, he is very sweet and patient, but when you are apart, it seems like you have to accommodate him, tolerate him, and wait for him.

It would seem that this situation is affecting not only you, but also his wife and ex-girlfriend.

I wonder if I might ask you to consider the possibility that the situation might be repeating itself in a way that is not entirely beneficial to anyone involved.

It appears that a similar pattern is emerging.

It appears that this situation may be somewhat similar to the following:

It appears that when he is with you and when he is not, he is living two distinctly different lives: one with a partner and one without.

It can be challenging to accept when someone alternates between two states of life.

At that time, there were arguments, checking phones, pain, and irritability.

I believe this is a normal expression of your emotions. As you mentioned, this man seems to display a lot of hostility towards the women around him.

I'm concerned that when girls generally face this kind of emotional state, they may experience feelings of dissatisfaction, resentment, or other negative emotions.

It is natural to hope for a stable and secure relationship in any intimate relationship.

I understand that he is your ex-boyfriend, which might make this a challenging situation to navigate. What are your thoughts on this?

If I may make a suggestion, I believe that above

I truly hope that you find happiness, security, and warmth in your love.

I am here to help in any way I can.

I hope the world and I can show you our love.

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Donovan Knight Donovan Knight A total of 754 people have been helped

The reason this man makes his women hostile is that they like him a lot.

But love makes people want more. This man only makes the other person like him when they're together. When they're apart, he cuts off the connection.

He protects himself well. The women with him love and need him, but their emotions won't be satisfied.

Every girl who is with him will make excuses for his bad behavior or feelings. This means that every woman has no place to vent her resentment when she is with him. This resentment will build up and then change.

Every woman who is with him feels lonely and anxious. They can't vent their emotions, so they try to control the other person to take care of their feelings.

But this mentality of controlling the other person will make one feel guilty. The woman who is with him will want to prove she is right. This attitude will become stronger. In the end, everyone who is with him will become hostile.

This man is actually quite good, but he isn't showing his true self to his woman. He puts himself in an advantageous position, which makes his woman feel uneasy.

But this will make his woman express her needs strongly and control the other party.

You left him, which was the right thing to do.

Since you've already left him, I can only give you my analysis of this matter.

I want you to be happy!

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Cadence Amelia Hartford Cadence Amelia Hartford A total of 9300 people have been helped

Hello! I give you a hug.

Why does a man make his woman hostile?

His behavior will probably make the other person in the relationship become like him.

A woman may encounter abusive men, even if they seem gentle at first. When arguing with her partner, she may say, "Hit me if you're man enough."

This can easily make a man angry. He might hit her to protect his dignity. Then the woman thinks she always meets bad men and is always a victim of domestic violence.

A woman's behavior and psychological patterns cause this. She uses the same pattern to interact with different people, and they all become abusers.

Our minds and behaviors are based on archetypes, which are patterns. For example, when we watch a TV drama, we can guess how the plot will unfold because most of these plots have an archetypal structure.

Your ex-boyfriend wants your company, but he avoids it. In the early stages of an intimate relationship, he may be willing to keep you company. When the relationship becomes stable, he may be afraid of intimacy or feel he has already got what he wants.

You both want him to spend time with you, but he only wants to when he needs to. Women value time spent together in an intimate relationship. Men are reluctant to spend time with them, and women complain. As long as women have expectations, they will ask their partners to spend more time with them. This is where conflicts arise.

It also depends on how the two people in an intimate relationship interact. The same demand can lead to different communication outcomes.

If you want your partner to spend time with you, asking "Why don't you spend time with me?" is different from saying "I hope you can spend time with me this weekend."

Read the books Nonviolent Communication and The Nonviolent Communication Field Guide: A Language of Love Workbook.

It's not about blame. It's about different needs.

Some mismatched couples get along well because they've found the right way to communicate.

I'm a Buddhist who's sometimes pessimistic. I'm also a positive counselor who loves the world.

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Rosalind Rosalind A total of 1074 people have been helped

Good morning, host.

I am letmefly, and I am unsure who invited me to respond to your inquiry. I empathize with the original poster's confusion. I would like to extend a gesture of support to the original poster from a distance.

Since pursuing studies in psychology, I have become less inclined to view matters in an absolute manner. Subsequently, I engaged in research on family systems theory, which has led me to conclude that a multitude of factors are at play in this relationship and these emotions.

In such cases, I am often reluctant to respond to these emotional inquiries. A relationship that others may deem unworthy of investment may nevertheless be worthwhile for the individuals involved. As long as both parties are willing, the relationship is acceptable. Is there a standard for a good life? There is no objective standard; a good life is one in which both parties are happy.

When discussing relationships, it is often suggested that in an intimate relationship, it is unproductive to reason, discuss feelings, or engage in emotional expression. From a male perspective, it can be perceived that your boyfriend may be experiencing feelings of inadequacy. It is possible that he is hoping for a reciprocal response of kindness and support from you, rather than clinginess. When an individual lacks confidence, the presence of a clingy partner can intensify feelings of burden.

Some individuals assert that they are attracted to others because they perceive them to be autonomous individuals. Consequently, if the other person were to lose their identity in the relationship, the initial attraction would dissipate. Additionally, there is a popular saying that "a person who does not love from the heart cannot give love for a long time."

The desire for a partner to be there for you is not unreasonable. However, it is important to understand the needs of the individual in question.

It is imperative that needs are met by both parties. When one party is unable to meet the other's needs, separation is inevitable. In a relationship, it is crucial not to pass judgment on who is right or wrong. It may simply be a matter of incompatibility. Despite our ability to morally condemn an individual, we remain unable to gain their affections.

In a relationship, it is important to consider both the other person and one's own needs. It is also crucial to avoid dwelling on past experiences and to maintain an open mind about the future. Believing that one will meet someone who will love and be loved in return is a positive outlook that can help to maintain a healthy perspective.

It is my hope that this can serve as a source of inspiration to the original poster, and that it will garner your feedback, attention, and likes.

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Freya Thompson Freya Thompson A total of 3275 people have been helped

Hello! Thanks so much for your question. I'm Coffee, and I'm thrilled to be here to help.

I'm so happy for you! You've finally moved on from that not-so-great relationship.

Then your new life begins! You can have a sweet lover and live a happy, sweet life together.

Every woman wants the companionship and love of a good, gentle, considerate guy who looks after her. And I truly believe you deserve to have such a guy by your side every single day!

Of course, you gave a lot in the last relationship, and there was a brief period of sweetness. But you're moving on now! I hope you can heal your wounds and start fresh.

It's time to move on from the last relationship and get your mind right for the next one!

First of all, people's patterns of interaction are basically fixed. But here's the good news! You can change your pattern of interaction. When you realize your pattern and change it, you'll meet new people and have new experiences. You'll even meet people who have the same outcome as you do!

For example, your ex-boyfriend and his girlfriend together will become very irritable. But that's just how he is! It's his mode of getting along.

When you're together, he's the most considerate and caring guy you've ever met! You feel so sweet and happy. But when he's not around, he seems a little indifferent, which is a bit of a bummer.

You'll feel a little lonely and miss him, while he'll find you a bit annoying. This will make your emotions very unstable, but it'll also make you stronger!

So you'll find that every lover of his will eventually become a grumpy person. This is also why lovers who may be very good-tempered when they first start dating him

As time goes by, he'll start to show signs of becoming a grumpy and insecure person.

And there's another way to judge a person's character: by what he says about his previous lovers. For example, if he always complains that each of his lovers was short-tempered and would become more and more annoying,

This is a great opportunity for him to reflect on his own problems and become a better lover!

He attributes all the problems in their relationship to the other person. So, imagine being with someone who always felt that the other person was at fault. Wouldn't that mean you'd always feel like you were in the wrong, always doubting yourself, and always in a bad mood?

If you don't pay attention to this, your emotions will become unstable over time, which is why you become irritable. But there's an easy fix!

OK, then we also need to reflect on ourselves. The men we meet are all so similar, so it's time to start thinking about what kind of person you want your new boyfriend to be!

Now it's time to find a guy who can bring you security, stability, and happiness!

So, what are the personality traits of such a guy? When looking for a boyfriend, you can pay special attention to which characteristics of the guy attract you and can give you a sweet and happy love.

Guess what! Your ex-boyfriend is also attracted to you. So when you are looking for a new boyfriend, you must be careful to avoid the mistakes of the past.

Tell me, what were the characteristics of your previous boyfriend that attracted you? And what are the characteristics of your new boyfriend that you value more?

I think everyone may encounter someone they don't like very much, or someone who hurts them. But, this is all part of the journey of growing up! And, it's okay if it happens. It's all part of the process.

I really hope you can adjust your mindset to meet someone who can make you happy and bring you happiness, and be with him! OK, thank you so much for your question, the world and I love you!

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Gabriella Sanchez Gabriella Sanchez A total of 3145 people have been helped

Hello, host!

I can tell you've thought a lot about this and have taken the time to really pay attention to how you and your boyfriend act around each other. It's clear you have a good sense of self-awareness!

You mentioned that he was in a long-distance relationship with his girlfriend back in school. He said that he broke up with her because she kept asking him to go to her place and keep her company, but that he didn't have the money or time at the time.

He and his wife often have disagreements. His wife likes to check his phone and try to control him, and she cries a lot, saying that he doesn't spend enough time with her! He says that his wife was very sweet when they were dating, but why is she so annoying after getting married?

He doesn't like clingy women, so I try to accommodate him and not bother him, waiting for him to come to me. But this feeling is driving me crazy! We are three hours apart, but we haven't seen each other for three months, and he says there's nothing he can do about it. I've become very short-tempered and always lose my temper with the people around me.

I just wanted to check in and see if you'd had a chance to think about what I said. I know this has come up a few times, but I think it's worth revisiting.

I don't think it's that men don't like clingy girls, it's just that he gets annoyed when the girl he doesn't like clings to him. As you said, he clings to you because he has needs, and you are satisfying his needs, not his emotions.

I'm still curious about what you said: "We're also in a long-distance relationship. When we're together, he's especially gentle, patient, and considerate, and it turns me on." Is he gentle or indifferent?

I think you should think it over. If he is gentle with you, but feels indifferent because of the distance, why don't the two of you try to get closer to each other?

It's possible that you have too many expectations of him. Have you ever thought about putting all your expectations on yourself? For example, the love you expect him to give you. When you have time for yourself, you can try to love yourself.

There are lots of ways to check if someone's being genuine online, but I think they're not that helpful. When two people are together, it's all about feeling comfortable with each other and respecting each other. When you've got love in your life, you don't need to look for love elsewhere.

Don't you worry, you won't go crazy.

Don't you worry, you won't go crazy.

I love you, world! And I love you too!

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Roberta Lee Roberta Lee A total of 7390 people have been helped

Hello!

I'm so happy to see you here, asking questions and seeking understanding about your inner confusion and disorientation in intimate relationships.

Your ex-boyfriend might not be the type to like clingy women. It's possible that he only shows tenderness and consideration to women when he has needs. It's also possible that he's a bit self-centered and doesn't always pay as much attention to the other person's feelings in an intimate relationship. Even when he shows tenderness and consideration to you, it might be with his own needs in mind.

It's true that men and women are different in this way. Women tend to be more emotional, while men are more rational. Many men don't like it when women are clingy because they feel it's a burden.

It seems like your ex-boyfriend always makes his women full of hostility. It's possible that the hostility you mentioned here is a feeling of irritability, anger, wanting to go to extremes, and about to lose control of emotions. This may be related to his distant, gentle, and considerate way of dealing with women, but also his heartless side.

On a different note, he's in a pretty good spot when it comes to resources. Sometimes he might need to spend time with his wife instead of you, which is totally understandable. It's natural to feel jealous and angry in those moments, and it's also normal to feel more passive and have your emotions fluctuate.

Another thing to think about is that this feeling of being full of hostility is actually just you projecting your own feelings onto others. It's a kind of projection from within your heart, and it's not necessarily the case that other women feel the same way as you do. The reason why they also argue with each other is probably that your ex-boyfriend has a short temper, or they don't know how to communicate with each other, and they are both quite emotional.

Since you've come to your senses about the breakup, you might as well make a clean break with the past. It's time to sort out the relationship, understand your own intimate relationship patterns, and focus more energy on self-growth. Say goodbye to the past and start a new life!

I really hope you're doing well!

I really hope Hongyu's reply helps you out! Thanks so much for asking!

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Alexander Scott Alexander Scott A total of 8616 people have been helped

It could be said that hostility is an expression of emotion.

This suggests that the individual may have an unmet need and be experiencing resentment, though they may not be expressing it directly.

There are a number of reasons why this might not be said out loud.

Firstly, it may be the case that the person involved is too shy to express themselves and is unsure of the best way to do so.

Secondly, the individual in question may feel that expressing their feelings is futile, as it could be perceived as evidence that the other person does not love them. They may hope that the other person will understand and be able to guess their feelings.

Third, the person may have experienced a lack of response after expressing their feelings, which could potentially lead to a sense of futility in doing so.

You may have noticed that when you were with your ex-boyfriend, he was with his ex-girlfriend and current wife. It's possible that the woman became quite hostile, which could be because the man lacked warm and caring company, which might have caused her to feel resentful.

His ex-girlfriend often asked him to accompany her to other places, but he was unable to due to financial and time constraints. This led to some disagreements, which eventually led to the two of them breaking up.

His current wife also occasionally expresses her desire for more company from him.

It seems that his ex-girlfriend and current wife were initially able to express their desire for his company. However, they eventually expressed resentment due to his inability to fulfill his commitment.

And you, being very accommodating and not disturbing him, wait for him to come to you.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider that waiting passively may not be the most effective approach. Given that the journey takes three hours and he has been unable to get away, it seems that seeing him for three months has not been possible.

At first, you endured it without expressing it, but later, you found yourself unable to hold back any longer. When you tried to express your feelings, you realized it was an ineffective approach, which led to feelings of resentment.

With regard to the emotional reactions of the three of you, it seems that this man may be under the impression that the problem lies with you, when in fact, he may be the cause and you are the effect.

If there is a cause and effect relationship, it may be helpful to consider that changing the cause could potentially lead to a different result.

For instance, if he were to recognize that his wife enjoys monitoring his phone activity, exerting control over him, and frequently expressing her distress, claiming that he is unable to accompany her due to her suspicions and feelings of neglect, and that he is preoccupied with other commitments, it might encourage him to consider a more balanced approach.

Perhaps it would be helpful for him to focus on being there for her and spend more time with her to reassure her.

He is aware that if you were to accommodate him and not disturb him, it would not be because you lacked his support. If you were to take the initiative to balance your time and spend time with him, you would be able to maintain your equilibrium.

Or, if he feels he is unable to provide what you desire, he may choose to let you go and give you your freedom.

However, it seems that this man is unable to understand the situation and is looking for reasons in the woman. It would be more constructive for him to try to find a way to change the result and put himself above it all.

The unfortunate result is that the woman who loves him may end up feeling hatred towards him.

You may also come to realize that it would be beneficial for you to consider separating from him.

In this relationship, his annoyance with you may lead to feelings of annoyance in you. It's important to remember that annoyance is just an emotion and not a reflection of who you are.

If you find yourself in a situation where you feel you have no other way to get the companionship you need in a relationship, you may feel you have no choice but to express your emotions.

It would be wise not to deny yourself because of this, as it might lead to negative feelings. It would be helpful to keep an eye out for this.

If you're looking for a more intimate relationship with more companionship, it might be helpful to consider avoiding love triangles and long-distance relationships. It could also be beneficial to find someone who is able to devote themselves to you, give you time, and provide warmth.

It might be helpful to remember that ending something can also be a new beginning.

I wish you the best of luck!

My name is Yan Guilai, and I'm a psychological counselor. I hope that you will meet someone you love very much very soon!

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Comments

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Zachary Miller Growth is a journey of self - exploration and discovery.

I can relate to how you're feeling. It seems like he has a history of not handling relationships well, especially longdistance ones. It's tough when you feel special with him but then get ignored once apart. I wonder if it's worth trying to talk to him about setting up more regular checkins to feel connected despite the distance.

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Landen Davis Lost time is never found again.

It sounds incredibly frustrating being in this situation. He doesn't seem to understand or care about your needs for attention and reassurance. Maybe it's time to consider what you really want from this relationship and whether it's healthy for you. You deserve someone who values your feelings consistently, not just when it's convenient for him.

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Bernie Davis A teacher's ability to see the potential in students is a gift that unlocks hidden talents.

Feeling neglected in a longdistance relationship is so hard, especially when there's such a contrast between his attentiveness when together and indifference when apart. It might be beneficial to express these concerns openly with him and see if he's willing to work on creating a balance that respects both of your needs. If not, prioritizing your own wellbeing could be the best step forward.

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