Why does he become more demanding when I treat my husband better? Whose fault is it?

Hi there, I understand your situation. You care about your relationship with your partner and you're aware that you need to work on it to make it better. You're making an effort, and your husband is showing some regular patterns under your "deliberate arrangements," such as the number of words you say and the different feedback your husband gives. These results make you feel stuck and dissatisfied because you know what you want: a peaceful life. You've made an effort, but you still can't balance your relationship with your husband and achieve the results you want. This process must be very tiring. I understand your hard work, your irritability, and the ensuing feeling of being overwhelmed. To calm your emotions and get along better with your husband, I suggest the following points, which are just my personal suggestions:

Express your expectations of your partner promptly in your daily life. This will help you avoid accumulating grievances that could cause a major outbreak and hurt the relationship. Pay attention to your own shortcomings. Identify whether it's because of your temper or a moment of impulse that you cause pressure on your partner.

Dear question asker,

I'm grateful to have read your words. Even though they are just a few lines, they express the sadness of many women. I want to give you a warm hug! Even though we are separated by a screen, I can feel your frustration, confusion, and perhaps some resentment.

Could I just check whether that's the case?

One possible way of understanding love is to compare it to a triangle, with the three sides representing intimacy, passion, and commitment.

It is understandable that the word "love" can mean different things to different people. Without a clear understanding of what love is, it can be challenging to find a relationship that truly fulfills us. When there is a discrepancy between partners in their definition of love, it can make it difficult to give each other the love they desire.

I wonder if you might agree.

Secondly, it might be helpful to consider the situation from an external perspective. From your text description, it seems that being overly kind to him might inadvertently encourage him to take advantage, push his luck, and butt in on everything, which could potentially lead to a sense of competition.

If you treat him badly, it could lead to a vicious cycle of competition.

It appears that the man is continually seeking to reaffirm his sense of purpose within the family unit and to reclaim his authority. His involvement in the everyday affairs of the family can also be seen as an expression of love, although perhaps not in the way that is desired.

It's possible that his family of origin may have influenced his current approach to relationships. I wonder if this is an example of how his parents interacted with each other. It seems that he may not have had much guidance on how to navigate intimate relationships, and has therefore imitated the way his parents interacted.

Could I just check whether that's the case?

If I might suggest, then, that the nature of a relationship is an exchange of feelings, it seems fair to say that the nature of marriage is an exchange of values. There are certain skills that could contribute to a happy marriage:

It would be beneficial to start by listening gently and attentively.

It might be helpful to consider that beginning a sentence with "I" rather than "you" can help to avoid accusations while providing the other person with a way to defend themselves. In life, it is indeed easy to begin a sentence with "you" and accuse the other person, who then instinctively wants to defend and refute.

It would be helpful to be aware of this and to try to correct it. For example, you could say something like, "I think...what do you think?"

❤️2. It is important to describe the facts without making any judgments. When describing the facts, it is easy to carry emotions, so it is best to avoid evaluation or judgment.

This may not be the most helpful approach for solving problems. It's important to express yourself clearly.

It is important to be polite, although this can be easier said than done.

It is not uncommon for children to be taught to be polite, but this courtesy can sometimes be lost when interacting with a partner.

❤️4. Appreciation. It is always beneficial to show appreciation for your partner, even when there are disagreements. By maintaining this positive attitude, it is easier to find solutions that are mutually acceptable.

❤️5. It is important to speak up and share your thoughts and feelings.

Ultimately, the most important thing in a happy marriage is to reach a consensus.

It may be helpful to learn to offer and accept attempts at emotional repair. This could involve taking a moment to pause and reflect, or applying a positive approach to the situation. It might also be beneficial to take a brief break and return to the issue at hand after a few minutes.

It is a manifestation of the ability to receive love and give love. It would be beneficial to practice continuously.

It might also be helpful to recognize and respect your partner's needs. One way to do this is by expressing your appreciation for his contributions.

It could be said that marriage is a relationship, and therefore it is not up to one person to decide.

It is therefore important to remember that neglecting your own needs in a relationship is not a healthy approach and can lead to difficulties in the long term.

Dear question asker,

I came across your question on the platform. It seems that your relationship with your husband is facing some challenges, and you're seeking a more peaceful and calm lifestyle. You're wondering what steps you can take to achieve this.

Please let me help you analyze the situation.

1. People are curious because when you treat him better, he starts to take advantage of it and wants to control everything and interfere in everything. Is this just his usual personality and behavior, or is it because something has happened between you recently? This is very important to understand.

2. If you speak to him in a negative way, he may respond in a similarly aggressive manner, as if he is trying to match your intensity. This could be perceived as a way of engaging in conflict with you. If you are in a negative mood, he may also be in a negative mood, which could perpetuate a vicious cycle of repeated arguments. This way of living can be exhausting, and it may not be conducive to a healthy relationship. It can feel as though you are consuming each other.

3. To identify the root of the problem, it would be helpful for you both to communicate calmly. It seems that you are concerned that if you do communicate with him, he may not listen to you. This suggests that the communication may not be as effective as it could be. By truly understanding the true inner desires of both parties, it may be possible to improve your relationship. One of the main issues you two face is that neither of you is particularly skilled at expressing your emotions. You probably don't say much, and he is not in a good mood. Sometimes, when you express your good intentions, it may have a different meaning, which could make you feel like he is controlling you. This may make you feel uncomfortable listening to and looking at him.

4. Life without arguments is wonderful, and it's important to be mindful of your expectations. Now that there is conflict, it would be beneficial to find a way to resolve it. One way to do so is through effective communication, which can help to solve your current dilemma. It might be helpful to work on establishing a good communication pattern, as it seems that handling problems in your relationship could use some improvement.

5. I believe that your husband also doesn't want to argue like this every day. It's possible that there is still affection between you, despite the frequent arguments. It's understandable that you've been hurting each other. It's never too late to sit down and have a good chat about your true feelings.

I hope my answer is helpful to you. I wish you all the best.

Hello! I saw your question and I'm here to help. It sounds like you're feeling a bit overwhelmed by your husband's behavior. It's totally normal to feel this way! It seems like he's taking advantage of you and butt in on everything, talking about everything and wanting to control everything, even what you buy in the kitchen.

So, you've figured out why he's meddling! Is it because he's feeling uneasy, because you don't think you're doing a great job, or something else?

Or could it be that it's just his way of meddling, like he does every day?

Sometimes, people just want to be in control. When he tries to control you to do this and that, what do you feel inside?

It's totally normal to feel uncomfortable and resentful when someone feels like they're being overstepped.

So, what's your attitude towards him? And what kind of feedback do you give him? What kind of reaction?

It's so important to be aware of your own needs and his intentions, rather than just focusing on your own comfort. I can see you're feeling a bit uncomfortable and sad, and a little out of balance.

It's totally normal to feel uncomfortable when someone tries to control you. It's not easy to set boundaries and speak up for yourself, especially when you care about someone. But it's important to remember that you deserve to be respected and heard. If you don't establish your own boundaries and tell the other person your thoughts and wishes, then the other person will always adopt the same approach as before. So what needs to be changed is your own attitude towards the situation and the way you handle the relationship.

It's totally understandable that you're feeling distressed because he goes around meddling in everything and you don't like it. It's also totally normal that you haven't expressed yourself and that you don't like his way of acting. It's so easy to get caught up in a situation like this and feel like you're the one causing the problem. But you're not!

So, in relationships, it's best not to be hostile or evasive. Since the other person always interferes in everything, it means that there is something that he is not satisfied with.

If you don't like him nagging you, it's okay to tell him your reasons. You can say that you can do it better, what your standards are, or that you'll do it yourself. It's also okay to express your emotions.

This passage says that if you treat him badly, he will speak even more harshly, as if they were competing to see who is the meanest. This creates a vicious cycle. I really don't know what's wrong with him. I just want to live a peaceful life without arguments. Is that too much to ask?

Oh, why is it so difficult? I'd really love to know what I should do!

So, the last part of the sentence is pretty simple: if you treat him badly, what is that bad treatment?

I'm really sorry to say that this will definitely intensify the psychological conflict between you. I'm sure he doesn't understand you either.

So to break this vicious cycle, you need to establish a virtuous cycle of relationships in your relationship. Instead of both of you being hostile, not expressing your true thoughts, not communicating, and solving problems too emotionally,

This can unfortunately lead to a lack of understanding between you both.

It's totally normal to want to live a peaceful life, free from arguments. We all have conflicts, and arguments are part of that.

So, the best way to resolve conflicts is for the two of you to communicate sincerely.

It's so important to remember that when we're feeling upset, our tone of voice can sometimes come across as angry or frustrated, even if that's not what we mean. This can make it harder for us to express our true desires and needs.

So, a relationship is all about mutual commitment and understanding. When he sees your commitment and understands it, he'll be totally cool with it and won't interfere.

It's so important to see yourself in the relationship and express yourself. At the same time, it's vital to give the other person support and affirmation, see the other person's inner needs and thoughts, and communicate sincerely with each other so that a positive relationship model can be established.

I really hope this helps!

Good day. I appreciate the challenge you're facing.

First, take a moment to reflect. Did your husband desire control over every aspect of your lives even before the marriage? If so, his actions may be perceived as excessive, but they are likely a reflection of his desire to maintain a normal lifestyle.

Consider the dynamics between your in-laws. Is there a possibility that at least one of them has a tendency to exert control over situations? If so, your husband's behavior is understandable, as he likely learned this from his own family.

Secondly, was the kitchen the domain of the mother? Did the mother have the final say in kitchen matters, and did the father never intervene? If this is indeed the case, it is understandable that you resent your husband for even giving you orders in the kitchen.

From your description, it can be inferred that your family adheres to a structured set of rules and that family members respect each other's boundaries. This suggests that such a family will have fewer arguments and a more peaceful existence. Conversely, in a family that does not adhere to rules and often encroaches upon other people's affairs, arguments are a common occurrence.

It is not uncommon for harsh words during an argument to result in a subsequent period of estrangement.

Ultimately, the way we treat each other in marriage is influenced by observing the dynamics of our parents' relationships when we were young, or those of other adult couples in our social circle. It is important to note that spouses often come from different family backgrounds, which can present unique challenges and opportunities for adaptation.

If you want to live well after a few years of getting to know each other, it is not necessarily about who changes who, but about loving someone and accepting the other person's perceived flaws. Only such couples will live happily and long!

If you are willing to change, your willingness to adapt may influence the other person's behavior.

I wish you a future filled with joy and prosperity.

Regardless of the underlying cause, it is essential to gain a deeper understanding of each other's perspectives before making any decisions.

The reason for this is that the gentleman in question was previously known to be agreeable and benevolent, both to others and to his family. However, following his marriage, his temperament appears to have undergone a negative transformation.

He has consistently exhibited this behavior. Alternatively, he has recently, within the recent past, begun to display this behavior.

If this is a recent development, it is likely that he is still concerned about something, perhaps due to recent challenges. If this has been the case since the marriage, it is a combination of family, work, and physical exhaustion pressures.

The result is a change in temperament, which is exacerbated by the current heatwave. This can lead to increased conflict, regardless of gender. The formation of a family may be a consequence of excessive pressure.

In some cases, the peace and quiet that the original poster desires can potentially lead to a sudden and unexpected outburst.

Given the inherent differences in personality, it is not uncommon for the peacefulness of the landlord to be perceived as a source of distress. A family unit is not merely a single individual; it necessitates the input of two or more individuals to maintain equilibrium.

If a family, every day is about eating, sleeping, and going to work, it is akin to engaging in a friendly conversation with a familiar acquaintance. However, it is not the same as a close, trusting relationship. In this case, it would not be accurate to call it a family.

Some situations are not conducive to productivity when they are too calm. If a situation is too calm, it can lead to feelings of depression. While a brief period of calm may be tolerable, prolonged periods of calm can have a detrimental impact on individuals. It can create a sense of stagnation and unease, akin to having a significant burden on one's mind at all times.

It is not possible to breathe. This is a common occurrence in all families.

It is not possible to achieve permanent harmony, and occasional arguments are to be expected. I would suggest that the original poster go out for a hike with her husband.

It should be noted that there are also some individuals with different temperaments.

However, does he have to tell you what to do in every situation, or does he say things like "You shouldn't buy that" when you make a purchase? If you do make a purchase, he says things like that, but he also says things to you that are somewhat demanding. If you respond in a confrontational manner, he becomes angry. If you are cordial and speak very gently to her, it will make him very uncomfortable.

Given the length of your tenure together, you are undoubtedly well-acquainted with each other's temperaments. I hope this information proves useful to you.

Best regards,

Hello, question asker!

I would be grateful for any advice on how to live a peaceful life without relationship-5949.html" target="_blank">arguments. Is this something that can be achieved? After reading your question, I was moved by the sentiment expressed and it resonated with me deeply. It is what I have always aspired to.

I can understand why you might think that, but I don't see it that way. It's not excessive, but it can be challenging for many couples. My husband and I have been together for 20 years, and we still have moments where we argue. It's not easy, and it can be painful. I'm sorry you're going through this. I empathize with you and want you to know I'm here for you.

I was once asked by my child, who had heard someone talking about the good relationship between her parents in the dormitory. However, she felt that there were constant quarrels between her father and me, which made her feel really bad. She didn't want to speak in front of her classmates. She continued, saying that she was aware that her parents were very good to her, but she felt annoyed when she saw them arguing.

I must admit that when I was younger, I was perhaps a little more exuberant than I should have been. I also found it difficult to go home because of my parents' arguments. However, I was also able to deeply feel the love my parents had for me. Decades later, I have found myself living out the pattern of how my parents get along. When I was looking for a partner, I also wanted to give up all conditions and just find the one who could get along well and not argue in the future.

Due to a series of unfortunate events, we have reached this point. I have been striving to make changes, and I inquired of my child, "Do you believe I still need to change?" My child expressed that I have already done a commendable job. In his view, his father still bears more responsibility, which may fall entirely on his father's shoulders.

I do try my best. It's not easy to be firm and soft at the same time. I'm always learning too. Even when I come here to answer your questions, I try to help myself by sorting my thoughts first. I've gone on and on like this to prepare you for the idea that you have to be prepared for a long-term relationship like this. It's important to know that there's a saying that arguing is solving problems and working through things. If you stop arguing, it might really not be long before it's over!

I may be mistaken, but I really admire you for saying this.

My husband, if I treat him nicely, he sometimes takes advantage of it and gets pushy, butting in on everything and wanting to control everything. He sometimes wants to control what I buy in the kitchen.

I must admit that I feel a little uneasy about this. Could I ask why your husband wants to meddle in everything? It seems as though he wants to control what you buy in the kitchen. I can understand why you might feel that this is also your husband's fault. I'm not sure exactly what the situation is between you and your husband.

I wonder if I might ask how my husband controls and manipulates.

My husband plays an active role in our household, assisting with various tasks, including shopping. I'm not sure if he cooks, but if he does, he likely has preferences regarding the ingredients and supplies purchased for the kitchen.

If I might make a suggestion, I believe that if the husband were to take an active role in decorating the kitchen, it would greatly improve my happiness. I must admit that it is not easy for two people to get along. The main challenge seems to be that they are unsure of how to connect with each other. I think it's important to recognize that we may have wanted this for a while and that it might take time to see results. Could we consider this perspective? When you are kind to her, she tends to talk more, while he is more inclined to take on a management role. Let's try to actively listen, as this could be a sign that he is actively moving towards us.

I believe that if you can treat her kindly and your husband responds in a similarly positive manner, and you can consider the situation from a different perspective, then perhaps the instances where you are at a disadvantage and speak harshly to him, and he responds in a similarly harsh manner, will become less frequent.

Perhaps it would be helpful to start by being kind to him. How would you describe your husband's behavior? It might be beneficial to accept a certain degree of things in your heart, try to make that degree wider, and tolerate your husband's way of getting close to you. If you find the situation difficult in the future, you can also come here to talk about it in time, so that everyone can help you analyze it. Could your husband benefit from making a few changes? Or could you benefit from being a little more tolerant, so that you can maintain that good state of yours for a longer time?

I believe that with your awareness, you will gradually change the way you interact with your husband through your own efforts. In psychology, there is a saying: "Those who are suffering seek help and those who are suffering change." You came here seeking help because you are suffering, which means you are aware. There is also this saying in psychology: "Being aware is the beginning of healing." So from now on, you have already started on the road to healing.

It's understandable to feel challenging when you're on the path to healing. It's a complex process. However, you're not alone. Many others are also navigating this journey alongside you. If you spend more time on this platform, you'll find that more and more people are joining you on this healing journey.

I will always be here for you on this journey. I hope that we can find a balance in our relationship and make our family stronger, so that we can live a peaceful, non-arguing life.

Let's encourage each other! The world will appreciate our efforts!

Hello, questioner! From your words, I can feel your anxiety, helplessness, and sense of being at a loss, as well as your urgency to improve the current state of your marriage. I'm excited to help you!

I'm excited to share a book called "Nonviolent Communication" with you! It's a great way to resolve marital relationships. I hope it can effectively resolve your dilemma!

I'm so excited to share with you the four elements of non-violent communication: 1. Observation; 2. Feelings; 3. Needs; 4. Requests.

Now for the fun part! Let's dive into the process of non-violent communication. 1. What is my observation? 2. How do I feel?

3. What needs (or values, desires, etc.) led to that feeling? 4. What is my request in order to feel alive?

We observe what is happening carefully and state the result clearly, without making any comments. This is a great way to avoid criticism and ensure that things run smoothly!

For example, if you come home at 12 o'clock for three days in a row, don't say you're always so absent-minded or inconsiderate!

Feelings have their roots in ourselves, in our needs and expectations, and in our perceptions of the actions and behavior of others. For example, if you come home late, I worry about your safety. But I'm excited to hear all about your day!

Now for the fun part! It's time to make specific requests.

Start by clearly telling the other person what you want them to do! If you ask someone not to do something, they may be confused and not know what you really want. So, let's make sure we're on the same page!

I'm sure you'll agree that it would be wonderful if you could come home before 9 o'clock and spend more time with the children and me!

Hugging: For those of you who would like to enhance your relationship, getting along as a couple is a skill that requires practice. Here are a few suggestions that you might find helpful.

Life presents many challenges, and it's not just you – many families face similar difficulties.

It is a lengthy journey for a couple to progress from the initial stages of infatuation to a point of mutual understanding and acceptance, and ultimately to a state of peaceful coexistence.

It is therefore important to communicate effectively. It is helpful to understand that men have certain basic needs, such as the need for recognition and admiration.

Your husband must have many good qualities, otherwise you wouldn't have married him. Consider complimenting him on his good qualities. It's important to remember that no one is perfect, and even close relatives have flaws. Over time, it can become easy to overlook each other's good qualities when we live together as a family. It's valuable to make an effort to recognize and appreciate each other's positive traits.

From your description, it seems that your husband is very meticulous. Perhaps it would be helpful to let him do the things he is willing to do and let him take the lead. This might make things easier for you. Sometimes it is also a strategy to let go appropriately.

It might be helpful to consider carefully dividing household chores with your husband, as this could help to establish clear boundaries and facilitate a more harmonious relationship. Additionally, establishing family rules can be beneficial. A true leader is able to prioritize important matters and delegate less significant tasks.

I hope this is helpful. It might be beneficial to get to know your partner's personality, empathize with them, and try not to change them too much. Perhaps you could try to be a leader, rather than a dictator. It might be helpful to set an unbreakable bottom line, and not worry too much about the small stuff. Focusing on his strengths and letting him shine could also be a good approach. I wish you happiness.

Hello. I'm a counselor and have helped many couples with relationship issues.

If you're nicer to your husband, he'll try to control you. But there are different reasons why. Does he want to control you for no reason, or because he cares about you? Sometimes he just wants to know what you're doing. Maybe he doesn't want to control you. If he does, look at the problem from another perspective. Can everything we do make him feel at ease?

Why does he care? Is it tiring him?

Treating him badly will make him powerful. He'll do what he wants. I think your husband is strong-willed.

What's the real reason for your arguments?

Why does he argue? How do you deal with it? If one party stops arguing when the two sides are arguing, can the problem be improved? This is like the saying that the one who ties the bell still needs to untie it. As long as you find the problem, you can better deal with it. Many old couples have more problems. If we can recognize the problem and deal with it well, maybe the problem will go away.

You haven't written much about this, and I've only given one side of the story. If we look at it together and talk about it more, we'll understand it better and make better changes. You can keep chatting with me or ask me anything. I'm here for you.

Hello. I'm glad you shared your story. It's not long, but I can tell you're upset, confused, and frustrated.

You say that if you're nice to him, he'll try to control everything. If you're not nice to him, he'll get angrier.

You think your attitude is the starting point. I want to know if you think your husband's attitude is the starting point.

In the past, what did you do when he was unreasonable or took advantage of you?

2. You want to live peacefully without arguments. Is this too much to ask?

Are you wondering what you can do to change your husband to achieve the kind of life you want?

If that's the case, how would you feel if your husband doesn't want to change? What would you do?

3. I also want to know if this pattern of getting along has been this way since you fell in love, or if something changed it.

I don't know how long you've been married. I'd also like to hear your thoughts on your relationship.

Please share your thoughts on the above points.

Hope this helps.

Dear questioner,

From your description, it appears that your husband exhibits a pronounced inclination towards control and a desire to assume a position of authority over all aspects of your lives. Despite your resistance, he persists in demanding that you adhere to his preferred methods and approaches. This dynamic engenders a sense of distress and helplessness in you.

In life, we often encounter individuals who exhibit behaviors indicative of excessive control. These individuals are often referred to as "control freaks," and they tend to engage in a range of behaviors, including:

The individual in question is constantly placing demands on others, expecting them to adhere to these demands. They are inclined to pass judgment on others, declaring that certain actions are right or wrong, and that those who do not conform are wrong, while those who do not distinguish themselves are not distinctive. They are adept at external attribution when it comes to right and wrong, behaving as if there is no need to discuss whether they are right or wrong, but that their right or wrong is particularly important. In the event of something bad happening, they tend to blame themselves, rather than accepting responsibility for the situation.

In essence, an individual with an overpowering desire for control seeks to impose their will and needs on all aspects of their environment. If these demands are not met, they may resort to forcing others to change, believing that they must conform to their will and demands. Spending time with an individual with a strong desire for control can be very oppressive, depressing, and suffocating.

However, should one obey the aforementioned individual, one may experience feelings of depression, a sense of having one's will completely deprived, and a lack of respect. It is unlikely that one's genuine emotions and feelings will be taken into consideration, and one may even become timid, weak, and indecisive, uncertain of one's actions and the meaning of life.

The rationale behind this excessive control is that the individual's own lack of acceptance often originates from a lack of acceptance they received from their parents during their early developmental years or from a traumatic experience. The influence of the original family on the child during their formative years, characterised by a perception of constant inadequacy and frequent expressions of disapproval and disgust, can instil a profound fear of the "weak", "fragile" and "powerless" aspects of the self. This fear may manifest as a tendency to suppress painful and humiliating emotions that were previously experienced as a result of being labelled as "weak", "fragile" and "powerless" during childhood. These emotions can lead to a severe denial of this aspect of the personality, manifested in an unwillingness to confront the vulnerable, fragile and helpless aspects of the self. Instead, individuals may attempt to prove their strength, superiority and correctness by defending themselves against the trauma embedded in their subconscious.

It is important to recognize that the feelings experienced when interacting with individuals who exhibit controlling behaviors are not merely imagined. These feelings are, in fact, very real, and their occurrence can be attributed to the projection of inner feelings of avoidance by the controlling individuals onto others. These feelings may manifest as fear, weakness, powerlessness, timidity, or cowardice. It is possible to engage in constructive dialogue with a controlling individual, such as a spouse, to gain insight into the underlying reasons for their behavior. This could include exploring the possibility that the controlling behavior is driven by an inability to accept oneself or a fear that is internalized. Identifying the root cause of the fear can be crucial in understanding the controlling behavior and developing a plan for addressing it effectively.

It is essential to recognize the impermanence of reality. This entails fully acknowledging that external factors are not within one's control and that the sole aspect that can be influenced is one's own thoughts and actions.

In the event of experiencing feelings of insecurity or a strong desire to exert control, it is recommended to seek solace without resorting to criticism. It is essential to acknowledge the existence of one's emotions, observe and accept them, and identify the underlying cause. This process can be documented in a note for future reference.

It is imperative to develop the capacity to think and act for oneself, and to assume responsibility for one's actions. This is a fundamental question that should be considered by anyone, regardless of their familial circumstances. It entails establishing one's own principles, developing a personal defense mechanism, articulating one's position, and gaining a clear understanding of one's circumstances. It also necessitates learning to withstand the emotional distress caused by the actions of others, including those in one's immediate circle, such as family members, loved ones, and friends. Ultimately, each individual is solely responsible for their own actions and outcomes. No external entity can be held accountable for another person's life. The consequences of one's actions must be internalized and accepted.

It is my hope that the aforementioned information will prove beneficial to the individual who posed the question.

Hello, host!

I really understand how the OP feels. No matter how you treat your husband, he just won't be able to understand how you feel.

All I want is to live a peaceful life, but it's just difficult. This kind of situation is really hard to deal with.

So, what's the best way to handle this?

Does the original poster think that if her husband changes, if he just has a slightly better attitude and is gentler, she'll be satisfied?

Then there wouldn't be any conflicts, right?

In reality, though, it's really tough because we can't really change anyone else.

Sometimes it's tough to change ourselves, and changing other people is a fantasy. So we still have to change our own mindset.

It's important to lower our expectations of our husbands and accept them for who they are.

We're disappointed by what other people say and do because we have expectations of them.

We all hope that the other person will speak gently and treat us better. But in any relationship, whenever there is an expectation, there will be disappointment.

So, try to lower your expectations of your husband and accept him for who he is.

2. When communicating, give fewer orders and make more requests.

It's been said that women who pout are the luckiest, and there's some truth to that. The reason men are as tough as women is

That's because he feels the same way. When you're talking, you're basically looking at each other.

The hostess makes good use of her feminine charm to keep her husband at ease and avoid trivial issues.

3. Don't be too sensitive. Work on improving your ability to stay calm in difficult situations.

No matter how your husband treats you, as long as you stay calm and don't let him get to you, he won't be able to do anything about it.

We often have conflicts with others, and when we do, they can become more serious.

You can avoid it at first and then find a calm atmosphere to talk about how the host is feeling.

As I mentioned before, try to speak more in the tone of a request and less in the tone of an order.

I wish you all the best in life!

I'm Warm June, and I just wanted to say that I love you and the world!

Hello question asker, I'm happy to answer your question.

I'll give you a hug from afar. I can feel how depleted you are and how hopeless you feel.

Next, I'd like to share some thoughts:

##Change yourself or change the other person##

The solution to a problem is for the person who is wrong to correct themselves. Some people will also change themselves to change others.

If the problem is caused by someone else, will it be solved if that person changes? It's a good idea, but it's not easy.

A person's character and behavior patterns are formed over many years and are relatively stable. To change another person, you have to get them to agree that they need to change.

It's feasible but difficult.

##Changing communication styles##

Most problems in relationships are caused by poor communication. This can lead to the breakdown of a relationship. So, you may be able to see some changes if you focus on improving your communication.

First, listen.

If you understand what the other person is saying, you're already halfway to successful communication. So listen carefully, especially to the emotions in their words.

Understanding these "unspoken meanings" helps us give more accurate feedback, which makes our efforts more effective.

☞Second, we must learn empathy.

Empathy is thinking from someone else's perspective and communicating in a neutral, non-judgmental, non-accusatory way. This makes the other person feel included and willing to communicate with you.

Finally, we must learn to wait.

If the other person doesn't want to talk, we should respect their right not to. We can set a time to talk again to show our sincerity and respect.

Good day.

As a heart exploration coach, I believe that learning is the key to unlocking the potential of the body.

From your description, I can discern a sense of inner restlessness, confusion, uncertainty, anxiety, pain, and helplessness.

I will not delve into the specifics of the challenges you have faced due to your husband's conduct. However, I would like to offer three suggestions for your consideration:

First and foremost, it is important to understand that in a relationship, the individual who is experiencing greater distress is more likely to initiate change.

From your description, it is evident that you are experiencing more difficulties, and your decision to seek assistance demonstrates your commitment to effecting a change in the status quo. It is therefore imperative that you take the initiative to implement the first change.

Only when you implement the necessary changes will you be able to achieve a peaceful resolution without vicious arguments.

You may be inclined to believe that your partner is engaging in inappropriate behavior and interfering in your personal affairs. This may prompt you to question whether you should take the initiative to change first. Alternatively, you might anticipate that your efforts to become more amiable will be met with indifference or even increased arrogance on his part.

It is understandable that you have these concerns, but I would like to suggest that you take the initiative to make the first change. This is not about achieving a specific outcome, but about exploring new possibilities for the relationship. Without this first step, the current situation is likely to remain unchanged.

Furthermore, you must be willing to change, not just in how you interact with him, but also in how you communicate with him.

I recommend that you have an honest conversation with your husband.

The objective of the communication is to convey your genuine thoughts to him.

However, there are two key steps to take when communicating:

First, consider his perspective and attempt to grasp his point of view. This will assist him in "hearing" you.

You have indicated that if you are cordial to him, he will attempt to exert control. Is this because he perceives himself as a member of the family and desires to participate? Conversely, if you are unkind to him, he will respond in an impolite manner. Is this because he wants to demonstrate his need for understanding by expressing anger? I am not suggesting that his actions are acceptable, but I encourage you to consider his perspective. This approach can facilitate more effective communication.

Secondly, it is advisable to commence sentences with "I" and address feelings. It is recommended to avoid or minimise the use of sentences beginning with "you," as this may lead to feelings of rejection and accusation, which are counterproductive to communication.

For example, you can say to him, "(Your usual term of address for him), I would like to have a productive discussion with you. I recognize that I have occasionally displayed a negative attitude towards you, which has led to your anger and subsequent harsh responses. However, I hope you understand that I value our relationship and that I am open to discussing any concerns you may have. I understand your desire to contribute to decision-making at home, but I hope we can communicate effectively and respectfully. I am seeking a collaborative approach to ensure a peaceful and constructive environment. Is that acceptable to you?"

After communicating with him in an open and honest manner, he is likely to change because he may not realize the impact of his actions. When he starts to change, the relationship will naturally improve.

Naturally, should he also divulge his innermost feelings, you must listen patiently and without judgment, thereby demonstrating respect and understanding. This will encourage him to reciprocate and facilitate mutual understanding and empathy. Only then will your relationship improve.

I would like to reiterate that it is unlikely that he will change his behaviour. Therefore, I suggest that you prepare yourself for this eventuality and focus on your own life.

After communicating with him in depth and allowing him time to respond (as he may be accustomed to speaking hastily and without consideration, and modifying his communication style is a challenging task), you engaged in repeated communication with him during that period. However, his behavior remained unchanged, exhibiting a continued desire for control and a tendency to speak harshly. At this juncture, it became necessary to acknowledge the reality that your husband displays controlling tendencies and speaks harshly.

Once you accept this reality, even though you may feel helpless and disappointed, the harm caused by his actions to you will gradually decrease or even disappear. This is because you will no longer expect him to change, and without expectations, there is no harm.

At this juncture, it is advisable to focus on your own affairs and attend to your personal responsibilities, including professional and domestic tasks. By leading a fulfilling and well-managed life while maintaining emotional equilibrium and ceasing to anticipate a change in his behavior, there is a possibility that he may alter his actions. This may appear paradoxical, but it is a fundamental principle that transformation hinges on the acceptance of a state of stasis.

Provided you remain calm, you will be able to avoid arguments and maintain a relatively peaceful existence, even if your partner does not change.

I hope this information is helpful. If you would like to discuss further, please click "Find a Coach" at the bottom of the page and I will be happy to communicate with you one-on-one.

I appreciate your inquiry and acknowledge your willingness to engage in this process of learning and growth.

After considering the issues you have raised, it seems that there are some underlying relationship problems, despite your status as a married couple.

Additionally, you perceive the potential for conflict within your relationship. The presence of these issues contributes to your perception of married life as somewhat challenging.

You report feelings of being overwhelmed and anxious. It is therefore recommended that you work with me to resolve these issues.

Firstly, from the aforementioned description, it can be surmised that the subject's husband is a meddler and a busybody, particularly when the subject is in a benevolent mood. However, when the subject is less agreeable,

He began to engage in a comparison of who was the more formidable partner. It is postulated that this is related to an unclear sense of boundaries.

It is similarly conceivable that your husband considers himself married to you and views you as part of his family. The relationship between you is already highly satisfactory and intimate.

He does not appear to prioritize the specifics of the situation, and it seems that you do not either. Given the proximity of your relationship, these details may not warrant significant concern.

However, for you, it constitutes an offense and evokes a profound sense of discomfort.

Concurrently, it is conceivable that your husband may have participated in educational programs pertaining to family and parenting. Alternatively, he may possess a more limited scope of knowledge and perspectives on these matters.

It is imperative to recognize that a family necessitates meticulous and prudent management. The enhancement, preservation, and optimization of familial relationships are indispensable endeavors that must be concurrently pursued.

In my estimation, this is the crux of the problem.

Let us therefore summarize the problem. The first issue is the lack of a clear sense of boundaries.

Your demeanor is excessively casual and carefree. You are unaware of the impact your actions have on others.

Secondly, there is a lack of understanding regarding the management of familial relationships and the improvement of the relationship with one's spouse.

The question thus arises as to how these problems can be solved. It is evident that the first step is to become aware of the problem.

This is a necessary condition for initiating change, whereby one party is aware of the problem and simultaneously identifies strategies for modifying the relationship.

Firstly, it is important to note that expecting your husband to change is likely to be unproductive. Such expectations may lead to feelings of distress and suffering.

However, the issue must be addressed and resolved. Currently, you are the one experiencing the negative consequences.

It is therefore evident that the individual in need of change is the subject in question. In light of this, a number of suggestions can be put forward.

It is essential to maintain a balance between gentleness and firmness when dealing with unreasonable demands, interference, or meddling from one's husband.

It is imperative to convey to him in a gentle but assertive manner that this is a matter that concerns you exclusively and that you are capable of managing it independently. You do not require his involvement or intervention.

Initially, it is possible that your husband may be unaccustomed to this approach or even resentful. In such instances, it is essential to maintain a balance between gentleness and firmness.

Gradually, the husband will come to perceive his wife as uninteresting and will consequently modify his behavior. This process will apply to all areas of his interactions with her.

It is possible that in the past, you may have tolerated this behaviour, which has meant that your husband has been unaware of the pain you have been experiencing. As a result, the situation has been repeated.

Secondly, it would be beneficial to consider attending some family and parenting courses. For example, there are courses on Yi Xinli.

Each book contains a lesson, and the Fan Deng reading also offers insights. Additionally, there are numerous psychology and family and parent-child relationship books that can provide further guidance.

The book addresses a multitude of issues, and there is invariably a topic that aligns with the specific challenges faced by your family.

The pain is a personal experience, and therefore the individual in question must take the initiative to effect change and eliminate the pain.

Once the concept has been grasped, it will be disseminated throughout the entire family unit.

Moreover, it would be beneficial to engage in further reading and educational activities on this subject, as they will prove invaluable for the future management of your children.

Thirdly, it is inadvisable to attempt to alter one's spouse's behaviour.

It is an inherent human desire to maintain one's individual identity and character. Attempts to alter these fundamental aspects of one's being may potentially lead to a deterioration in the quality of one's interpersonal relationships.

While the capacity for change resides solely with the individual, it is nevertheless advisable to identify and implement more constructive methods for managing and resolving the relationship.

In this manner, one's spouse may be influenced and gradually alter their behavior. It is first necessary to accept one's partner.

It is imperative to comprehend your husband's perspective and idiosyncrasies. Merely accepting and comprehending him will facilitate his gradual transformation.

Furthermore, it should be noted that the process of changing an individual is inherently time-consuming. Therefore, it is essential to exercise patience and understanding throughout this endeavour.

This concludes my advice. I regret that it is not more helpful.

It is my hope that these suggestions will prove beneficial. I am grateful for the opportunity to provide guidance.

Those who are open to change are the ones who influence others. One can affect others by changing one's own thoughts and perceptions, rather than attempting to alter the thoughts and perceptions of others.

From the comments, it seems that the questioner is facing some challenges in her relationship with her husband, which is affecting her daily life. I hope the following suggestions can offer some support and guidance.

Perhaps it would be helpful to try to adjust from the "blame thinking" to the "coping with difficulties thinking."

Given that partners who spend time together every day often find themselves in situations where interactions are full of conflict and unhappiness, it is understandable that individuals may have a knee-jerk reaction like "What's wrong with him?" or "Why is it so difficult?"

"What should I do?" This is often accompanied by a series of other double blows, such as feeling dissatisfied with the other person while also feeling powerless about oneself.

This way of thinking is quite common, and it also presents a challenge: the two sides become entrenched in their positions, each in their own camp, arguing about who is right and who is wrong, and it is difficult to find a solution that can be agreed upon.

It is important to recognize that as a couple living under the same roof, you are facing similar challenges, including the disharmony in your relationship.

This dilemma is not only affecting the questioner, but also the questioner's husband, and perhaps even more so, the couple's relationship.

It may be helpful to view this as a problem with the interaction in your relationship, rather than attributing blame to either you or your husband.

One advantage of this change of perspective is that it allows you to move from being hostile opponents to becoming allies with the same enemy. This shift in mindset may encourage whoever it is to be willing to make an effort to improve the interaction in your marriage, because such an effort will benefit all three parties: you, your husband, and your relationship.

2. It would be beneficial to review the history of the relationship between the two people, as well as the history of the relationship itself. This could serve as a foundation for adjusting the current marital relationship, if that is something you would like to pursue.

Secondly, it would be beneficial to review the history of the relationship between the two individuals, as well as the history of the relationship itself, in order to establish a foundation for adjusting the current marital relationship.

I'm not sure how long the OP and her husband have been married. Could you please tell me if this has been a pattern of behavior since the beginning of your acquaintance, or if there have been periods of good and even sweet times in the past?

If there have been conflicts since you met, could you please explain what led you to decide to get married and live together?

We hope that by asking you these questions, we can help you to gain a deeper understanding of the changes that have occurred in your relationship. We would also like to suggest another practical method for your reference:

1. If I may suggest, take a piece of paper and draw the horizontal and vertical axes on it. The starting point where the two intersect is the origin of your acquaintance.

2. The horizontal axis represents a timeline with points corresponding to events that have clearly influenced the relationship. The vertical axis is a scale from -5 to +5 for the relationship.

3. Please take a moment to jot down in your own words the specific events that come to mind as having caused the turning point or change in the relationship. Then, if you would be so kind, find the appropriate score for the relationship score on the horizontal axis for this event and write the corresponding time on the vertical axis. This will help us gain a relatively complete picture of the relationship changes.

May I suggest that the above visualization chart will help us gain a clearer and more straightforward understanding of how relationship changes occur, which in turn will help us identify the basis for reshaping the relationship?

3. It might be helpful to work with your allies to determine a plan for goal adjustment, which could help you return to a calm and peaceful life.

When the content of your conversations shifts from focusing on who is at fault to focusing on how you can work together to create a positive family atmosphere or improve your interactions, there will be more room for collaboration. Those happy memories of the past will also remind you of how you have worked together and achieved success in the past, and those incidents that have brought the relationship to a challenging point will also provide you with more insights on how to adjust the relationship.

I am not probing human nature, but rather seeking to understand the human heart through the lens of a therapist who cares about people. I wish you well.