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By Anonymous | Published on December 18, 2024
Hello, questioner! I'm Wang Enh, a psychological counselor, and I'm excited to help you!
Let's talk about the topics you mentioned!
1. "But breaking up is also losing a familiar person, and so is breaking off a friendship. So, why do you feel that losing love is more difficult to get over, and that habit is more difficult to get rid of?" I don't know how your relationship went, but I can feel your devotion to this relationship and the pain.
[Love Triangle Theory] Psychologist Stenberg has an amazing theory about love. He believes that love has three components: intimacy, passion, and commitment.
[Intimacy] I really like you, I want to be close to you, and I want to be with you!
[Passion] Seeing you makes me so excited! My heart races, and I want to hug you and have sex with you!
[Promise] I will be responsible, and I will marry you!
Love is so much more than just friendship! It involves intimacy, passion, and commitment. We treat love more seriously than friendship because it's so special. It involves more: time, energy, emotions, finances, sex, etc.
And the more we invest, the more we expect! So if the end result isn't what we expected, it's only natural to feel sadness, pain, or even anger.
2. "If it weren't for this feeling of loss, I wouldn't be suffering as much as I am..." Most people who have suffered a broken heart will feel similarly, and it's okay to feel that way!
When you love someone, you often lose your boundaries, which is a way of reducing the need to protect yourself. You become one with the other person! That is why you can say, "I am happy for you," or "I am sad for you."
When we lose love, when she leaves me, it seems as if my heart has left with her, and I am left with a body, an empty shell, a feeling of being disembodied. This is the reaction of depression, an inability to accept the loss of an object. But there's a way to turn this around!
3. So, what should we do? Heartbreak is common, and life still has to go on! We can try the following methods:
A [Acceptance] Being heartbroken means feeling pain, sadness, upset, grievance, and anger. It's okay to feel these emotions! Stay with them for a while, don't rush out of them, and don't repress or deny their existence.
It's about embracing the feelings that come with this loss and being present with them. Even though we're hurting, we're still alive and kicking!
B [Expression] There are so many ways we can express our emotions! We can talk to friends, keep a diary, listen to music, sing, draw, seek psychological counseling, and so much more. And if you want to, you can even let off steam and cry for a while!
C [Reflection] Love is a wonderful process that has a beginning, a middle, and an end. The end for some is marriage, while for others it is a breakup.
In the process, we get to accept the fact that we have no control over the outcome of a relationship – it is a relationship between two people! Breaking this all-powerful narcissism will make us more accepting of reality.
Being in love is a wonderful thing! It all depends on what we feel, learn, and reflect on in the process.
Life is an incredible journey of self-discovery and self-improvement. Even a broken relationship can help us grow and learn!
I really hope my discussion has been enlightening and helpful!
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Comments
It's true, ending a relationship feels like losing a piece of your daily life, and it's tough because that person became a routine, intertwined with your habits and emotions. Moving past it means rebuilding those routines without them, which can be incredibly challenging.
Feeling this intense sense of loss after a breakup is completely normal. When you're used to having someone as part of your everyday existence, letting go isn't just emotional but also about breaking deeply ingrained habits. It's okay to feel distressed; it's part of healing.
The distress from a breakup comes from the abrupt change in what was once familiar. The heartache signifies how much that person mattered in your life. Overcoming this feeling is a process, and acknowledging the difficulty is already a step towards moving forward.