Why does my sister still need to label me, and what should I do in this situation?

Hello, host!

I want to commend you for your perceptiveness. You didn't just describe the situation without thinking, you also recognized that your sister was labeling you. And you were curious about why she would say that about you: "But I think I can just pick it up if I fall, so why does my sister say that about me? Labeling me."

I'd really like to understand the reason behind this, rather than just labelling her like you did, which is really great.

Based on the limited info I have and my understanding of this type of labeling phenomenon, I'll try to make a simple and rough guess as to why your sister labeled you. Please bear with me if I'm wrong.

Why do we put labels on things?

First, there's more to the function of labeling than meets the eye. It's also about identifying the characteristics of things, emotions, and other events to help us describe them more easily and interact with people. So, "labeling" not only helps us distinguish different things, emotions, and events from one another, but it also simplifies their nature to make it easier for us to interact with information.

For instance, if your sister wanted to give a full account of what happened with your suitcase and why it fell to the ground, she'd need to say a lot more than just a few words. So she gave you her opinion by putting a label on you.

I admire that you can distinguish the oversimplifying function of labels. You know that losing your suitcase is not the same as whether you do other things well. This shows that you understand, accept, and trust yourself, and I want to praise you again!

Second, the act of labeling might also serve as an emotional outlet. I'm not sure if my sister is the type who is overly critical of herself and won't make mistakes once she starts doing something.

She may not have developed as much as the original poster in terms of understanding, identifying with, and trusting herself. She might also be a little confused about the difference between not doing something well and not being able to do anything well.

It would be helpful to think about whether your sister is the type of person who normally doesn't allow herself to make mistakes or do things with the slightest error. Or does she not allow you or the people around her to make mistakes?

Because of her mistakes, she'll think, "I can't do anything right," so if she makes a mistake, she'll harshly criticize and negate herself. This kind of feeling is stressful and uncomfortable, and it needs to be expressed. But there's usually nowhere to express the harsh criticism you have for yourself, so it can only be suppressed inside. So when she saw the hostess drop the suitcase, it was like the pent-up emotions hit a safe outlet, but she also followed her own thoughts to label you and express this emotion without realizing it?

I have to say, I admire you all the more because your reaction to the dropped suitcase is very different from your sister's. You're focused on solving the problem, not on criticizing yourself. So you're doing useful work and not wasting energy with a lot of ups and downs in your emotions. Your sister's focus is on emotions: "I can't do this or that well." This reaction will only drain her energy and won't help solve the problem in any substantive way.

These are the possibilities for the question "Why?"

What should I do about being labeled?

As for what to do, I think a question-asking approach would help you think it through and find your own answer. I'm sure you'll be able to find the answer you need!

How did you feel when your sister said you couldn't do this or that well? How did you respond?

? Your question is, "What should I do in this situation?" I'm guessing you felt negative when she labeled you, but it's not clear what that means to you. So, you don't know what to do, and you respond with silence. Is that right?

Or you know what you feel, but not what you need, so you're not sure what to do. For example, you feel that she's labeling you and you don't agree. You feel that you're not what she says you are, and this makes you feel uncomfortable. But you don't know what you need, so you don't know what to do.

For instance, do you need her to understand that you're not what she says you are? Or maybe you feel judged by her condescendingly, which to you means a lack of respect, and you need her to respect you?

Also, is there another reason why you're unsure of what to do? For instance, if you feel the need to be respected, you could tell your sister directly that you don't appreciate her labeling you and ask her to respect you and not do it again in the future.

Or you can just respond to her rudely, for example, by treating her the same way she treated you and judging her for things she did in the past that you feel she didn't do well. But why didn't you do the same? Are you worried about something?

If so, there must be a reason for this concern, like the need to avoid upsetting your sister or the need to keep your relationship with her on an even keel.

So, our "what to do" actually has different answers when we have a clearer awareness and understanding of our feelings and needs. The original poster can ask themselves more questions along these lines to experience feelings and discern needs, and then they'll have a clear answer that suits them!

That's all for now. Have a great day!