Why does the expression or behavior of the counselor make me feel that the other person is hypocritical?

Hello, dear!

It's actually a good thing to encounter uncomfortable or even difficult parts in the counseling relationship. These parts can help us understand important issues about ourselves and the counselor.

The whole point of counseling is to face these tricky parts of ourselves, talk about them, and then let the counselor's support help us heal. This is how we can gradually open up and go deeper within ourselves, and thus gain growth at the personality level.

It's totally normal to feel a bit uncomfortable in a counseling session. It's a safe space to explore some tough issues, and it's okay if it feels a little awkward at first.

During the consultation, when the counselor frowned and looked a little uncomfortable (was it a little stern expression?), you felt that she was hypocritical, that she pretended to understand you when she didn't. I can imagine that must have been a bit of a confusing moment for you!

However, during other counseling sessions, you feel totally at ease and trust the counselor completely, even during normal, everyday conversations and even light-hearted moments.

It's probably safe to say that the frown on the counselor's face touched something deep inside you. The counselor's expression has a lot of meaning for you, and it's okay to feel whatever you're feeling.

Maybe this expression looks a lot like someone in your life. This person might have been a little hypocritical at times, and maybe they didn't understand you fully, but they were trying their best to support you.

This makes you feel very angry, which is totally understandable! The expression on the counselor's face probably activated the angry, distrustful, and aggrieved parts of you.

It's also possible that the frown on the counselor's face made you feel like the relationship is getting serious. This is great because it means you're ready to explore what you've shared in depth. The counselor is just trying to understand what you've said.

But in this expression, you may feel that the counselor cannot understand you and cannot empathize with you, and you feel a little angry and a little disappointed. You turn around and blame the counselor for pretending to understand you when they don't. It's okay to feel this way! It's natural to feel this way when we're trying to express ourselves.

Or maybe you're not angry because the counselor can't empathize with you, but because you sense fear inside yourself when you realize the counselor is trying to understand you deeply. You might not want the counselor to go too deep, and you'd rather keep the conversation at a normal, happy level.

This can create a bit of a defense mechanism, where you feel like the counselor doesn't understand you, but is trying to. Maybe you're not quite ready to let the counselor really understand you.

It's totally normal to feel a little afraid of resistance. It's something we all experience at one point or another.

It's totally normal to feel this way! We all worry that if we go deeper and reveal our more authentic and vulnerable selves, the counselor won't like us or be able to handle it. We might even worry that our comfortable, even joyful situation in our relationship won't be able to be maintained. In a way, the relationship might even break down.

It's so important to talk about anything you're feeling uncomfortable about in counseling.

It's so important to express and explore this part with your counselor honestly, no matter what the situation is. If your counselor can handle your expression and you can also tolerate the discomfort caused by this expression, with the support of the counselor and your own willingness, you can stay in this tense and uncomfortable moment and explore the deeper part.

This is the moment when you and your counselor can really start to connect and build a strong, supportive relationship. It's a challenge, sure, but it's also an amazing opportunity for you both.

When you're ready to talk about this with your counselor, you're also giving them the chance to get to know the real you. It shows you're becoming braver and more honest, which is great!

It's totally okay if the counselor doesn't understand you completely. She might not, and that's okay! She's there to try to understand you, guide you, and support you in opening up, exploring, and understanding yourself better.

A counselor can't fully feel your feelings or understand everything about you, but she can support you in feeling your feelings so you can see more dimensions of yourself during counseling and become your own best friend.

I really hope this helps. I'm listening, therapist Xu Yanlian. Please, feel free to chat.

Wishing you all the best!

Dear Sir/Madam, I empathize with your experience of the consultation and appreciate your sentiments. The objective of such an encounter is to address psychological concerns and facilitate a positive experience and resolution. We can discuss this goal in greater detail. Best regards, [Your Name]

First, it is essential to ascertain the objective facts.

1. The questioner's subjective feeling is that the other person is hypocritical. For the purposes of this discussion, we will set aside the question of whether the questioner understands the situation and can empathize with the other person. It is an undeniable fact that different visitors will undoubtedly have different feelings when they see this expression. This demonstrates that the type of feeling depends more on the visitor than on the expression itself.

2. The counselor's facial expression serves as input, and the questioner's brain processes the feeling that she is hypocritical. A series of information processing steps occur in the brain, and it is possible to understand this as follows: the questioner has a subconscious definition of a similar expression, and this expression represents hypocrisy. It is possible that there is no way to verify what experience brought about this subconsciousness, but the correlation between the two must exist.

2. What interpretation is most beneficial to the questioner?

1. Despite my hope that the counselor can understand my feelings and empathize with me, it is acknowledged that we each have our own experiences. It is a process for her to put herself in my shoes and empathize with me. It is possible that she is already empathizing, but her expression does not convey this empathy. It is also possible that she is trying hard, and that expression is simply one she often has when she is trying.

2. Despite my trust in the other person and the sense of safety I feel, I am still left with this opinion. If I do not trust someone, it would be reasonable to assume that I would have more suspicions and stronger feelings. Could this be related to my own psychological problems?

If the underlying cause can be identified and the suspicion eliminated, will the problem be resolved?

What recourse does the questioner have?

1. Counseling is a process in which verbal and nonverbal communication work together. One strategy for enhancing the effectiveness of counseling is to close one's eyes and avoid looking at the counselor's expression. This allows one to focus on the counselor's language and thinking patterns. Entering a state of communication with someone one trusts greatly can also be beneficial.

2. It is accurate to conclude that individuals possess disparate fields of expertise, and the alignment of these fields exerts a nuanced influence. In the event that a consulting experience fails to meet expectations after several attempts, it may be beneficial to consider a change in consultant. It is likely that the other party will also comprehend this decision. As long as the questioner's objective is to address their own needs, they will likely be satisfied.

3. It is also important for the questioner to think clearly about what they want from the consultation. For example, the questioner may hope that the consultation process will be happy and carefree, allowing them to feel happy and comfortable. Alternatively, the questioner may hope to resolve a problem once and for all.

Such inquiries can be posed to the counselor, who should be able to adapt their responses according to the specific demands of the topic at hand. Alternatively, the counselor can be directly asked, "After listening to my story, what are your true feelings and thoughts about the counseling?" The counseling process should be a two-way dialogue, as this tends to yield more beneficial outcomes.

It is my sincere hope that this information will prove beneficial.

Greetings, question asker. My name is Jiang 61.

Firstly, we would like to express our gratitude for your willingness to share your confusion with us in order to obtain clarification. The source of your confusion pertains to the manner in which the counselor's expressions and behaviors evoke a perception of hypocrisy.

"After reading your introduction, I have a clear understanding of the nature of your confusion. Let us proceed to discuss it together.

1. Introduction

You stated that during the video consultation, you noticed that whenever the counselor frowned or frowned tightly, you felt a slight sense of unease (after our conversation).

The counseling session is conducted via video, and the counselor's frowning and furrowed brow expression evokes a sense of discomfort.

2. Thoughts

You stated, "I do not believe that she is empathizing with me initially, but rather, I perceive her to be hypocritical, as though she does not truly understand me, yet feigns comprehension. Nevertheless, I do trust the other individual, and I feel safe with them. However, I find her demeanor disagreeable. When we communicate normally, even in a jovial manner, I experience a sense of contentment and ease."

Thoughts

The counselor's expression indicates a lack of empathic understanding and emotional responsiveness. Instead of empathizing with the client's feelings, the counselor appears to be hypocritical and inauthentic, which creates a sense of discomfort.

It is my hope that

The questioner desires the counselor to be amiable, humorous, and capable of communicating normally, so that the counseling session is not perceived as contrived and the questioner feels comfortable and happy.

2. The rationale behind the discomfort

1. Psychological projection

The phenomenon of psychological projection is defined as the unconscious attribution of one's own thoughts, attitudes, desires, emotions, character traits, or moral judgments to external individuals or objects.

The term "projection," as used in psychology, refers to the phenomenon of an individual unconsciously reflecting their own thoughts, attitudes, desires, emotions, character traits, and other personality characteristics onto external entities or individuals. In other words, the individual perceives the thoughts, attitudes, desires, emotions, and character traits that are present within themselves as being present in others, and uses their own superego, or moral judgment, to evaluate the other person.

The subject reported feelings of discomfort.

The questioner indicated that upon observing the counselor's frown, it appeared as though he was empathizing with you, which caused her to experience a slight degree of discomfort and led her to perceive him as hypocritical. This is, in fact, what she was thinking in her mind, projecting it onto the counselor and judging him with her own moral standards of the superego, which ultimately resulted in her feeling uncomfortable psychologically.

As the questioner describes, the counselor is still the same counselor. The questioner trusts him and feels safe consulting with him. However, at this time, the questioner has a negative projection of the counselor, which makes him seem hypocritical and causes the questioner to feel uncomfortable.

2. Expectations

The term "expectation" is defined as a vision or longing for an unknown moment or thing in the future. Expectations encompass individuals' hopes, desires, and positive expectations.

Expectations can be defined as a vision or longing for an unknown moment or thing in the future. They encompass individuals' hopes, desires, and positive aspirations.

Expectations are frequently associated with individuals' optimistic visions of life and their aspirations. In the context of interpersonal relationships, expectations serve as a source of hope and confidence.

It is hoped that the following points will be considered.

It is evident that the questioner desires a relaxed and happy communication environment; thus, they anticipate that the counselor will communicate with them in a less serious manner. However, the counselor's consulting style does not align with this expectation, which may cause the questioner to experience discomfort.

3. Fixed Thinking Fixed thinking is the conviction that an individual's abilities and traits are fixed and innate. It is a black-and-white, binary mindset that assumes there are only two possibilities for any given situation: "either this or that; a third situation is impossible."

A fixed mindset is a cognitive style in which individuals hold rigid, unchanging beliefs about their abilities and traits, leading to a perception of the world in black-and-white terms.

Fixed thinking is characterized by the conviction that an individual's abilities and traits are fixed and innate, with no room for ambiguity or variation. This perspective tends to perceive situations in starkly dichotomous terms, whereby the only viable options are either/or, and the presence of a third alternative is deemed implausible. The underlying assumption is that a situation must adhere to one of the two predetermined categories, and that the third option is inherently excluded.

It would be advisable for the counselor to consider the following.

From the questioner's introduction, it can be inferred that the questioner expects the counselor to be comfortable in the counseling situation, communicate normally, and even engage in some degree of joking. Otherwise, it may negatively impact the counseling process.

This is the impact of fixed thinking on our emotional states.

3. What is the appropriate course of action?

1. Consistency in Communication

The term "consistent communication" is defined as the act of communicating in a manner that is in alignment with one's inner feelings, thoughts, and emotions. This form of communication is characterized by a high level of coherence and consistency between one's verbal and non-verbal expressions.

Consistent communication entails that verbal and non-verbal information conveyed to another individual is aligned with one's internal emotional state. In such communication, the self, the other person, and the situation are all accorded due attention and respect.

The speech of this type of person demonstrates an inner awareness, with expressions aligning with their words. Their minds are in a harmonious balance, and they possess a relatively high sense of self-worth.

Method of consistent communication

The following sentence patterns are commonly employed in congruent communication exercises and expressions. With sufficient time, individuals can effectively communicate in a congruent manner. The specific sentence patterns are as follows:

In the event that...

Describe the objective situation in a manner that is devoid of any accusatory or emotional content.

The following feelings are expressed:

It is imperative to explicitly articulate one's sentiments and emotional state in the immediate context.

It is my hope that...

It is essential to explicitly convey the desired action from the other person and to delineate the underlying requirements. These needs should be quantifiable, enforceable, and evident.

It is my conviction that...

Outline your expectations regarding the positive outcome.

Should the questioner experience discomfort, they are encouraged to communicate with the counselor in a consistent manner, aligning their feelings, actions, and verbal expressions, and particularly emphasizing their desire for the counselor to facilitate a pleasant communication environment. It is recommended that the counselor be informed of these expectations.

The counselor will consider the feelings of the questioner and modify their posture if the counselor receives the same message as the questioner feels, thereby facilitating optimal comfort for all parties involved.

Secondly, acceptance is a key factor.

The second step is to accept the situation.

It is important to note that acceptance does not entail acquiescence to every occurrence or outcome; rather, it entails an acknowledgment of the emotional underpinnings of an event. In essence, acceptance necessitates a recognition of not just the behavior itself, but also the rationale and emotional state that inform it.

Furthermore, it is essential to cultivate the ability to accept.

Counselors possess distinct personalities, speaking habits, and counseling styles, as do individuals in general. It is possible to learn to accept other people's counseling styles. Rather than focusing on expressions, it is more productive to focus on the messages conveyed to us by their words. This can result in a change in mood.

3. Emotion Management Emotion management is the ability to regulate one's emotions in a constructive manner. It involves recognizing emotions, understanding their underlying causes, and responding to them in a manner that is both effective and appropriate. Emotion management is a crucial skill in various contexts, including family relationships, parent-child relationships, intimate relationships, and counseling relationships. It enables individuals to navigate their emotions in a healthy and productive manner, leading to more positive and fulfilling interactions with others.

The ABC of Emotions

The ABC theory of emotions was developed by American psychologist Albert Ellis. Ellis posits that event A is merely an indirect cause that precipitates emotions and actions C. The direct cause of C is the individual's belief B in event A. In other words, it is not the event itself that causes our emotions, but our perception of the event.

The process of emotion management

The ability to manage emotions is a crucial skill for navigating various relationships, including those within the family, between parents and children, and in intimate partnerships. Emotion management can be defined as:

The initial step in emotion management is to recognize emotions.

This constitutes the initial phase of emotional management. Upon experiencing an emotion, it is essential to discern its nature, such as anxiety, anger, or sadness, and to identify its underlying cause.

It is important to accept one's emotions.

Healthy emotions are those that align with the circumstances at hand. When one's emotional state is in accordance with objective reality, the initial step is to acknowledge that these feelings are normal. This process is known as emotional acceptance.

This approach to emotional regulation has the potential to reduce emotional distress and facilitate the restoration of emotional equilibrium.

The act of expressing emotions

Emotional expression is the act of articulating one's own emotions. The subject is "I," and the speaker often employs the pronouns "I," "my feelings," and so forth.

It is also necessary to cultivate emotions.

Furthermore, the cultivation and practice of emotion management are essential. The following methods may be employed to cultivate and practice emotion management:

1) A regular lifestyle has also been shown to have a stabilising effect on emotional states.

2) Cultivate a hobby that allows positive emotions to motivate you, foster self-love, appreciation for life, and an appreciation for its beauty.

3) It is important to care for and look after others, to allow love to dwell in your heart. There is great joy to be found in helping others, and in enabling them to help themselves.

4) Contact with the natural environment and immersion in the qualities of heaven and earth facilitate cognitive expansion and emotional equilibrium.

5) Forming connections with individuals who possess executive functions and spending time with emotionally stable individuals can help to mitigate the impact of emotional interference and fluctuations.

It is acceptable for counselors to experience a range of emotions during the counseling process. This is a normal phenomenon. By learning to recognize emotions, accept emotions, express emotions, cultivate emotions, and manage emotional states, counselors can gain a deeper understanding of themselves and their clients, leading to the development of healthier emotions and a happier life.

Ultimately, it is my hope that the questioner will experience a positive emotional state.

It is understandable to have reservations about the competence of the counselor, particularly in a video consultation where the counselor's demeanor and approach may not be as readily apparent. Additionally, the content of the consultation can vary significantly depending on the counselor's training and methodology. In contrast to a casual conversation, a counseling session involves a more structured approach. A counselor trained in dynamic analysis, for instance, may ask questions designed to identify and address both positive and negative conflicts in your motivation to address the issues you're facing. It's important to note that everyone has different defense mechanisms, which are not fixed but evolve to help us cope with uncomfortable feelings and understand the pain caused by our needs. In counseling, we can explore the underlying causes of these issues, which may be subtle and subconscious. While the subconscious is not directly visible, the pain caused by underlying needs and the real self can make the subconscious conscious. This process allows you to recognize your shortcomings while also understanding past painful emotions and perceptions in a more accepting manner. It's crucial to understand that the counselor's role is not to impose solutions but to facilitate understanding. By asking questions, the counselor can determine your grasp of emotions and perceptions, empowering you to make informed decisions about your own happiness.

To illustrate, when we recognize the value of our existence in a relationship with others, we gain insight into different levels of understanding and feelings. There are two aspects to feelings: positive and negative. An uncomfortable feeling may simply be discomfort, indicating that the inner child needs attention and care. Defensive needs can also create a sense of connection with reality and interpersonal relationships that is more challenging.

The dynamic analysis school of thought posits that idealization and belittlement are defense mechanisms that everyone exhibits to some extent. These tendencies stem from a childhood tendency to idealize, which can manifest as emotional dependence on external sources.

However, as individuals mature, they tend to depersonalize the attachment figures from their childhood, which is a natural progression in separating individuals from their past.

Idealization as a defense mechanism will inevitably lead to a primitive devaluation of the object of the idealization. This is because life is not perfect, and idealization is bound to bring disappointment. The more majestic and full of advantages the idealized object is, the more complete the disillusionment will be.

It can be said that excessively idealizing the counselor and not being able to recognize the value seen in the relationship is indicative of an inability to recognize the value of the individual's independence. It is important to recognize that both the perfect and imperfect parts of a person's identity have value. The key is to identify the specific needs you have in the consultation, rather than making judgments and expectations based on a perception of the relationship's overall value. It is more about understanding the specific challenges you face in the relationship and how they affect your personal satisfaction and the satisfaction of your social support system.

It is also important to note that all counselors have different supervisors overseeing their visits. Their professional knowledge, ethics, and competence are subject to certain requirements. While you may initially trust one counselor, you always have the option to choose a different counselor if you feel it would be more beneficial. This allows you to try different counselors and gain valuable insights.

Good day. I am a Heart Detective coach, Gu Daoxi Fengshou.

It is important to recognise that individuals have their own preferred modes of communication. If another person does not interact with us in a manner that is consistent with our own communication style, it can elicit an emotional response.

In a previously read short story, a customer who had misplaced an item expressed distress and sought assistance from the receptionist. However, as the customer spoke, he abruptly became enraged and demanded, "Why are you laughing?" The receptionist was visibly distressed. Despite her genuine lack of amusement, the customer perceived her laughter as a lack of empathy, possibly due to her habit of maintaining a cheerful demeanor in her professional interactions.

The questioner may wish to ascertain:

What is the source of your discomfort with the other person's frowning expression? Is it a concern about your ability to handle the situation, or is it a reluctance to acknowledge the need for empathy?

Attempting to become conscious of one's internal monologue may assist the questioner in modifying their emotional state.

The question arises as to why the questioner prefers normal communication, even a joking and laughing approach. Is it because this approach makes the questioner feel relaxed, or does he/she feel that this will make him/her feel powerful, not a weak person in need of sympathy?

It would be beneficial to ascertain whether the questioner is able to accept that they are occasionally vulnerable and in need of care and empathy. If the questioner displays a greater degree of resistance to their own vulnerability, it is possible that they may also reject the other person's empathy.

Has the questioner explicitly conveyed their displeasure to the other individual? According to the questioner, "I unambiguously trust the other person and feel secure in their presence." One potential approach could be to express one's sentiments in response to the other person. However, the questioner seems reluctant to do so. This raises the question of whether there are underlying psychological factors at play or if the level of trust is not yet sufficient.

An awareness of one's genuine inner thoughts may assist the questioner in making well-targeted adjustments.

One may consider expressing one's feelings about the other person's behavior to a counselor in order to gain insight into the underlying reasons for these feelings. This approach may facilitate a more nuanced understanding of the core issue.

It is imperative to respect the other person's mode of expression, regardless of personal inclination. Assumptions regarding the other person's sincerity should be avoided. Ultimately, the questioner's discomfort stems from the other person's desire to empathize with them.

It is important to recognize that counselors may not always interact with clients in the manner they prefer. Additionally, counselors require a period of adjustment and integration before they can fully serve their clients. In some cases, clients may attempt to dictate the manner in which they wish to be interacted with.

It is recommended that you attempt to accept yourself. It is possible that the emotional reactions you have towards others may be a manifestation of your own unacceptances of certain aspects of yourself. Attempting to allow these emotions to exist will result in a greater sense of self-consistency.

It is recommended that the reader familiarize themselves with the following texts: "Accepting Imperfections" and "Nonviolent Communication."

I wish you the best of success!

Good day, My name is June Lai Feng.

It is not uncommon to experience unease in response to the counselor's demeanor, as you have described.

From a psychological standpoint, there may be a number of reasons and explanations for this phenomenon.

First, it may be related to your past experiences or certain subconscious patterns. Perhaps you have had experiences where someone pretended to understand you when they didn't, which has made you particularly sensitive to similar expressions or behaviors and prone to negative associations and interpretations.

Secondly, it is possible that there is a distinction between trust and specific emotions. While you generally trust the counselor, when faced with a particular unintentional expression, this trust may be temporarily overshadowed by this intuitive feeling, which triggers your doubts about its authenticity.

Furthermore, the counselor's expressions are likely to be overanalyzed, which may reflect your strong desire and high expectations for true understanding. When you feel that the other person is not responding in the way you expect, it is easy to become dissatisfied and suspicious.

Another possibility is that you prefer a relaxed and pleasant atmosphere for communication. When the counselor displays a more serious or seemingly "uncomfortable" expression, it is contrary to the mode of interaction you expect, making it difficult for you to accept emotionally and affecting your judgment of her attitude.

It is possible that you may unconsciously project your inner unease or doubts onto the counselor, perceiving her frown as a pretense or a sign of ignorance. This may be a manifestation of your deep-seated fear of whether you can really be understood.

Ultimately, when faced with uncertainty and vulnerability, your subconscious may attempt to protect you by accusing the counselor of hypocrisy, thereby avoiding the risk of feeling misunderstood or unappreciated.

To resolve this issue,

First, take the time to reflect on your personal definitions of "sincerity" and "empathy." Consider how these definitions affect your evaluation of others and the deeper psychological needs and patterns behind these reactions. This will help you gain a better understanding of yourself and adjust your mindset.

Secondly, it is important to maintain open communication with the counselor. Discuss your feelings with them, provide them with the reasons behind your reactions, and explore ways to establish a more suitable interaction that makes you feel more comfortable and understood. This helps to establish transparent and effective communication.

Once more, concentrate on the words and content, and attempt to focus on the counselor's words and the support and advice they provide, not just their expressions. Their expertise and experience may be more beneficial to you.

It is important to maintain an open mind and avoid dismissing the counselor prematurely based on initial feelings. Allowing time for the process to unfold and providing each other with an opportunity to engage can facilitate a shift in perspective as the counseling progresses.

The next step is to evaluate the effectiveness of the counseling, focusing on whether it has actually helped and benefited you. If the results are positive, then this superficial discomfort can be ignored as appropriate.

Furthermore, if the feelings are truly unmanageable and significantly impacting the counseling process and your experience, it may be beneficial to seek an alternative counselor.

It is crucial to acknowledge that each individual's emotional responses to interpersonal interactions are unique and often intricate. By gaining insight into your personal reactions, you can more effectively regulate your emotions and foster more fulfilling relationships with others.

I would like to take this opportunity to wish you a pleasant day.

Hello there!

I can see how you feel after reading your description.

First, you wrote in your description: "During the video consultation, I noticed that whenever the counselor frowned and frowned, her expression was a bit uncomfortable (after our conversation). Instead of thinking that she was empathizing with me first, I would think that she was being hypocritical." You mentioned empathy here, so let's talk about empathy first. The real reason for low empathy is

1. Lack of empathy

Empathy is the wonderful ability to feel and understand the emotions and thoughts experienced by others. Unfortunately, a lack of empathy is one of the main reasons for low empathy.

Some folks might have a harder time understanding and feeling the emotions of others because of how they were raised or their personality. And social media can also make it harder to be empathetic.

For example, when we communicate with people online and through electronic devices, we don't get to practice empathy as much because we don't get to interact in person as much. This makes it harder to understand and feel the emotional changes that happen in our relationships with others.

2. Lack of experience

Another reason for low empathy is a lack of experience. Some folks may not have much experience with emotional issues because they haven't had many opportunities to encounter them in their lives.

For instance, if someone hasn't experienced unemployment, illness, or other tough situations themselves, it can be tough for them to truly grasp how others are feeling, which can lead to a lack of empathy.

3. You have a very strong sense of self.

It's also worth noting that when someone is overly self-aware, it can sometimes make it harder for them to be empathetic. When someone is too focused on their own feelings and needs, it can make it more difficult for them to understand the emotional state and needs of others.

For instance, if someone at a party is only thinking about themselves and doesn't pay attention to others, it can be tough to form a bond where you understand each other and feel for each other's feelings.

4. We all have difficulties with emotional management from time to time.

We all have different ways of dealing with our emotions. Sometimes, though, these ways can make it hard for us to connect with others. This is especially true if we're facing emotional challenges, mental health issues, or other obstacles.

It's totally understandable that some folks might not be able to read the emotional state of others when they're communicating with them. And it's also totally normal that they might not always be able to express their own emotional needs. This can sometimes lead to a deficiency in empathy.

I can see how you might feel that the counselor is being hypocritical, just because of a frown on their face. It's possible that there are other people in your life who act similarly, and they make you feel uncomfortable too. So, you might be projecting your feelings onto the counselor. If it weren't a counselor, but someone else, you might just resent it. As a professional psychologist, you would probably have a higher opinion of them.

Secondly, you wrote in your description: "She pretends to understand when she doesn't, but I clearly trust the other person and I feel safe with them. I just can't stand the way she is. If we communicate normally, even if we joke around, I would feel happy and comfortable." You think joking around can be fun, which is great! However, some psychologists believe that this kind of behaviour on the other person's part can make the consultant become deeply involved and lose their original intention. Becoming close friends with the consultant is the most undesirable behaviour, so it's probably best to avoid it!

I totally get where you're coming from! Understanding or not understanding is a feeling you have. Only when you feel that the other person understands, or when his description is the same as what you think, can you say that you understand. Then why do old sayings like "silence is golden" and "speak little and act more" remain?

We all have different ways of doing things, and different situations call for different approaches. It's totally okay if you don't agree with these approaches.

I have a suggestion for you:

1. Building a foundation of mutual trust is the first step in the relationship between a client and a counselor. Once that's in place, mutual respect naturally follows.

2. We all love a good laugh and a joke, but remember that a counselor's approach is a bit different.

3. From what you've told me, it seems like what you really need is a friend you can chat with, not a counselor. It's possible you've confused the counselor for a friend you can confide in, which is totally understandable!

Oh, this is a bit of a no-no.

I just wanted to let you know that the above content is for reference only.

Hello, landlord, I've read your description and I totally get where you're coming from. I really hope my suggestions can help you. It's so true that how a counselor reacts in a video consultation can really affect how you feel about her.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I really hope my suggestions can help you. Here are some ways that may help you understand and deal with this situation.

1. Understanding emotional reactions

1. Emotional projection: It's totally normal to react to your counselor's frown or uncomfortable expression by feeling a bit uncomfortable yourself. This is called emotional projection, which is when you project certain emotions or experiences within yourself onto the counselor's expression, which then triggers a sense of discomfort.

2. Misunderstanding of empathy: Sometimes, counselors may express empathy in ways that don't resonate with us. It's okay to speak up if you feel like their approach is off-putting. Empathy is a beautiful way for counselors to show they understand and support you, but if it doesn't feel genuine to you, don't hesitate to share your thoughts during the consultation.

2. Let your counselor know how you're feeling.

1. Expressing discomfort: In the next session, you might want to talk to your counselor about how you're feeling. It's okay to say that you're a bit uncomfortable with her frowning. We all have different preferences when it comes to counseling, and it's good to communicate them.

By sharing this with your counselor, she can make sure to respond in a way that makes you feel comfortable and at ease during your sessions.

2. Discuss expectations: It's always a good idea to discuss your expectations for the counseling process with your counselor. You can let her know that you prefer a relaxed and pleasant exchange to a serious or overly sympathetic atmosphere.

3. Adjusting the counseling approach It's totally normal to feel uncomfortable with a counselor's expression or reaction. We've all been there! If you're feeling this way, it's okay to adjust the counseling approach. You can tell your counselor that you'd prefer a relaxed and pleasant exchange to a serious or overly sympathetic atmosphere.

1. Adjust the pace: You can adjust the pace of the consultation with your counselor and add some relaxed communication and interaction. This will make you feel more relaxed and comfortable during the consultation.

2. Build trust: It's great that you already have a certain level of trust in your counselor! It's also important to further build trust. Through more communication and understanding, you may gradually adapt to her way of responding and reduce the discomfort.

4. Self-reflection

1. Take a moment to reflect on your emotional reactions. Think about why the counselor's frown made you feel uncomfortable. Is there a similar emotion or event in your past experience that triggered this reaction?

It's so important to understand your emotional responses, because it really helps you cope better.

2. Enhance self-understanding: You've got this! Enhance your awareness of your emotional responses through self-reflection and understanding. You can keep a diary or meditate to record and analyze your emotional changes, which will help you express and deal with these feelings better in counseling.

5. If you're still feeling uncomfortable after talking with your counselor, don't be afraid to try someone new!

1. Counselor matching: If you still feel uncomfortable after communicating with your counselor, you may want to consider trying another counselor. It's totally normal to feel this way! Different counselors have different styles and approaches, and it may be more helpful to find a counselor who is a better match for you.

2. Don't give up! You may need to try multiple times to find the right counselor. If you have an uncomfortable experience, that's okay! Keep trying to find the counselor who best suits your needs.

It's totally normal to feel uncomfortable when a counselor expresses themselves in a way that makes you feel uneasy. The good news is that there are ways you can work through this! Expressing your feelings, talking about what you expect from the counseling session, adjusting the way you work together, and taking the time to reflect on your experience and try different counselors can help you find a way to feel comfortable and at ease.

I really hope these suggestions are helpful for you. I truly believe that you will find inner peace and strength in the counseling process. With hard work, you will be able to gain positive experiences and help from the counseling.

Hello, questioner! Thank you so much for your question and for being willing to share your experiences and feelings.

It's fascinating to see how your sensitive reaction to the counselor's expression during the video consultation played out. It just goes to show how subjective our interpretations of others can be. So many factors can influence how we perceive someone's expression or body language, including our personal experiences, cultural background, and psychological makeup.

Now, let's dive deeper into the situation you described!

What an intriguing question! Why did the counselor's expression trigger such a sensitive reaction?

Past experiences: Our interpretation of other people's behavior is often influenced by past experiences. If you have encountered hypocritical people in the past, or have had experiences of being misunderstood or not being understood, then you may have a negative first reaction to the counselor's expressions such as frowning. But don't worry! This is totally normal. It's just your mind processing all those past experiences.

Conflict between trust and comfort zone: You mentioned that you trust the counselor and feel safe with him/her, which is great! However, when the counselor's expression does not match your comfort zone, this sense of trust may be challenged, causing you to feel uncomfortable.

Discrepancy between expectations and reality: During the consultation, you may expect the consultant to fully understand your feelings, and the consultant's expression may deviate from your expectations, making you feel that the consultant does not really understand you. But don't worry! This is a normal part of the process.

The influence of non-verbal communication: It's amazing how much non-verbal communication can affect our understanding of a situation! Facial expressions, body language, and intonation all play a role in communication, and they can sometimes send inconsistent messages. This can lead to confusion or misunderstanding, but it also opens up a world of possibilities for interpreting those messages in new ways.

Activation of defense mechanisms: When the counselor's expression triggers your sensitive points, your psychological defense mechanisms may be activated, making you more inclined to interpret the counselor's behavior as hypocritical. This is an opportunity for you to learn more about yourself and your reactions!

Let's explore how you can deal with this sensitive reaction!

Communication is key! Be open and honest with your counselor about how you feel and what you observe. Let them know how you feel when they frown and tell them how you'd prefer to communicate.

It's time to enhance your self-awareness! Take a moment to reflect on whether your reactions are influenced by past experiences and whether there are other underlying concerns or fears.

It's time to establish a common understanding! Work with your counselor to explore how to establish more effective communication methods so that both of you can feel comfortable and trust each other during the counseling process.

Give each other time! It takes time to build a deep, trusting relationship, and it's worth it. Don't rush to conclusions based on fleeting feelings; give each other time and space to get to know each other better.

Seek a second opinion! If you feel that there is an insurmountable barrier to communication with your current counselor, you may wish to consider seeking the help of another counselor.

Now, let's dive into the exciting world of counselor roles and responsibilities!

As a counselor, they should also be aware of their nonverbal behavior and try to ensure that their behavior does not cause unnecessary distress to the counselor. If the counselor is aware that certain behaviors may cause discomfort to the counselor, they should make adjustments in time to ensure the smooth progress of the counseling process.

In general, your sensitive reaction to the counselor's expressions may be due to a variety of factors, including past experiences, differences between expectations and reality, and the influence of nonverbal communication. The good news is that you can work with the counselor to create a more comfortable and effective counseling environment! All you need to do is communicate openly and increase your self-awareness.

Also, know that counselors are always working to be even better at what they do!

Now that you've got all this great advice, you can start putting it into practice! You'll see how to make the counseling process even better by deepening your understanding and trust through open communication and self-reflection. Remember, counseling is a two-way street. It takes both of you working together to get the best results!

I really hope these analyses will inspire you and help you better understand and handle your relationship with your counselor. At the same time, I encourage you to remain open and honest during the counseling process and explore with your counselor the counseling method that is best for you.

Wishing you all the best! I really hope my answer is helpful. Sending love to you all!

Good morning, I hope this message finds you well. I just wanted to drop you a quick line to ask how you are getting on with your counselling. I know it can be a difficult process, and I'm here to help in any way I can. Please don't hesitate to get in touch if you need anything. Wishing you a lovely day, Best regards,

I appreciate you taking the time to share your feelings and confusion. In the context of psychological counseling, the performance and attitude of the counselor can play an important role in shaping the counseling relationship.

With regard to your question about the counselor's frowning and furrowed brow, which made you feel hypocritical, we can examine it in greater detail from the following three perspectives: empathy, individual differences among counselors, and the dynamic interaction during the counseling process.

1. The importance of empathy

Empathy is a core concept in psychological counseling, which refers to the ability of the counselor to put themselves in the shoes of the client and understand their feelings and emotions. It would be beneficial for a good counselor to be able to accurately capture the emotions of the client and respond through appropriate verbal and non-verbal means to establish an emotional connection.

This empathy helps the client feel understood and accepted, which may encourage them to open up and share their innermost thoughts and feelings.

However, it should be acknowledged that everyone's ability to empathize and the way they express it is different. Some counselors may be more adept at expressing empathy through words, while others may prefer to use nonverbal methods to convey understanding and support.

It is also important to consider the individual differences among counselors.

2. Individual differences in counselors

Counselors are individuals with their own unique personalities, expressions, and counseling styles. Some counselors may be more expressive with their facial expressions, while others may be more reserved.

It is possible that these individual differences may affect the interaction between the counselor and the visitor, as well as the visitor's perception of the counselor.

In the situation you mentioned, the counselor's frowning and furrowing of the brow may simply be her personal way of expressing concern and thinking. However, because this way of doing things does not match your expectations and preferences, it has caused you to feel uncomfortable.

This does not imply that the counselor is being hypocritical, but rather that there may be a slight discrepancy in the way you communicate with each other.

3. Dynamic interaction during the counseling process

Psychological counseling is a dynamic process, and the interaction between the counselor and the client is constantly evolving. In this process, the counselor may benefit from adjusting their approach and methods to align with the client's needs and expectations.

It would also be beneficial for the visitor to provide the counselor with feedback, as this could help the counselor to gain a deeper understanding of their own approach and to provide more effective assistance.

In the situation you mentioned, I gently suggest that you try to communicate openly and honestly with the counselor. Perhaps it would be helpful to tell her how you feel and what you are confused about, so that she understands that you are uncomfortable with her expressions and behavior.

Through this kind of communication, the counselor may gain a deeper understanding of your needs and adjust their approach to counseling in a way that fosters a more comfortable and effective relationship.

Additionally, it might be helpful to consider the counselor's expressions and behaviors from another perspective. It's possible that her frowning, furrowed brow, and other expressions are not a sign of misunderstanding, but rather a reflection of her thoughtful consideration of how to best respond to your questions and needs.

It would be beneficial to approach the consultation with patience and understanding.

4. Summary and suggestions

It is possible that the counselor's expression or behavior may make you feel hypocritical for a number of reasons, including differences in individual counselors, mismatched communication styles, and the dynamic interactions during the counseling process. In order to establish a more comfortable and effective counseling relationship, it might be helpful to try to communicate openly and honestly with the counselor and express your feelings and confusion.

It might also be helpful to consider the counselor's expressions and behaviors from another perspective and offer her some understanding and patience.

During the consultation, it is important to remember that it is a two-way process that requires the joint efforts of the counselor and the client. By actively communicating and striving for mutual understanding, you can work together to create a more positive, comfortable, and effective consultation environment.

Dear Sir/Madam,

It seems that you have some complex feelings towards your counselor. You seem to feel that the other party is not entirely sincere, yet you also feel that they are worthy of trust, which may seem a bit contradictory.

Could I ask whether this is also the case in your communication with other people outside of the counseling setting? You seem to prefer a relaxed environment, and you feel uncomfortable in a serious one.

Just consider for a moment that during your communication,

If the other person shows a frown, you may perceive it as a lack of understanding or a lack of effort to empathize, which could be perceived as offensive.

It's possible that the other person is genuinely trying to empathize with you. Do you think it's impossible for one person to truly empathize with another? Deep down, you may desire to be understood, but intellectually, you may believe that this is unattainable.

Perhaps what you're struggling to accept is that despite your best efforts, it might still feel impossible to empathize with your situation. Similarly, your assertion that you shouldn't try to understand someone because you can't understand them might also be difficult to accept.

Given the importance of empathy in counseling, it is likely that professional counselors will all empathize. It is understandable that even if one cannot understand someone 100%, it may still be helpful to try to empathize as much as possible.

If you experience resistance, it may not be conducive to the effectiveness of subsequent counseling. You might consider communicating with the counselor about this, which could potentially foster a more trusting relationship.

Could you please describe how you feel and look when he behaves in this way? Does his expression make you feel nervous and unable to relax?

Perhaps it would be helpful to reflect on when you felt this way when talking about certain topics and when you felt at ease talking about certain topics.

Could it be related to the content of the communication?

It is not uncommon for people to experience facial tension when discussing important topics. This can be a natural physiological reaction that helps to focus the mind and encourage deeper thought on the subject. It is therefore possible that the counselor may not have noticed your discomfort due to this physical response.

I hope the above is helpful. Best regards,

Hi, I'm a heart exploration coach, and I'm happy to give you some advice.

It's clear from your question that you're currently undergoing psychological counseling. You're facing your counselor, and it's likely that his expression, words, and behavior have changed, which will cause an emotional fluctuation in you.

You'll feel like the other person is being hypocritical, and it'll make you feel uncomfortable. So, with all this confusion, they come to our platform to get help analyzing the real state of their hearts, what kind of balance they should find in the future, and how to restore their inner peace.

This way, you'll be able to build a stronger trust with your counselor and find a solution to the problem.

It also seems like you're a little unsure about your own feelings, or maybe a little skeptical about the counselor you've chosen. But after some reflection, you feel like you should still trust the counselor, but you're not sure from what perspective you should trust him or her, and how you should convince yourself to accept the current situation.

And you're not sure if this is a regular or common situation.

Based on what you've said, I'll help you figure things out in more detail in the next few sections. That way, we can identify your underlying needs and the causes of this state of mind together.

It'll help you figure things out and look forward to a brighter future.

First of all, you're currently having a video consultation with a counselor. Video consultation is actually a better way than offline consultation. When two people communicate face-to-face, their true feelings may be slightly weaker than when they communicate online.

After all, there's a delay on the internet, and in real life, the sense of intimacy and closeness between two people may be better than what we see in our video information. So do you two communicate like this when you're in different places?

If you're working with someone remotely and you haven't had a chance to meet in person, it's not a big deal. We can start with a video consultation and get the ball rolling on the counseling relationship.

If you get the chance to meet in person at some point, I think you'll be able to have a more in-depth chat and get some more noticeable results.

So let's get back to the topic at hand. You frowned at the counselor, and your frown seemed like it was deep enough to show that you were worried about what you'd said or that you were thinking a lot.

But when things get serious, you might not feel like he's really empathizing with you. It's like he's not thinking about your worries or trying to find a solution. Instead, it feels like he's being hypocritical, like he thinks you're pretending to understand when you don't.

Then we have to look at the core issue through the situation.

First, what's the truth? In your communication with him, your truth is to explain your inner confusion to him without reservation, while your counselor's true state is that his actions represent a reaction after he receives these information signals from you.

You're very meticulous and pay close attention to the words and actions of others, which is a great quality. You also value feedback from others when they respond to what you say.

The more we have this behavioral trait, the more we're affected by what other people do or say, which can change how we feel.

This is precisely what we discussed during the video consultation with the psychologist.

So at the time, you probably felt like his actions were questioning us or like he didn't fully empathize with us.

If you're thinking this, there's another possibility. Before the consultation, your living situation and interpersonal relationships may have been such that others didn't really understand you, but gave you some kind of fake care.

So when you're with someone, it seems like they actually care about you. At first, you might doubt it, and then, depending on how close you are, you'll think about whether they've hurt you because of something that happened in the past.

Can you think of an example from your experience that you're aware of? That's the first aspect.

The second thing is that you trust the counselor and feel safe with him. You just don't like the way he is. You can accept him when he's happy and relaxed. You feel happy and comfortable inside. It seems a bit contradictory that you want him to accept you as a counselor, but at the same time you want the mode of communication with you to be relaxed and happy.

Counseling with you is definitely a more professional approach for him, given that it's part of his job. He'll probably be more serious, given that he's a counselor.

Then, when he's joking and laughing with you, is it more like he's just finished a consultation or listening session, or is it possible that during the conversation, he's more personally funny, which leads to this way of expressing himself?

Because he's joking around, it could be that on the one hand he's very easygoing, on the other hand he's very humorous. Then, after listening to you explain, he'll use his expertise to present it in a more relaxed manner based on your actual situation, so that you can better accept it. This is the third direction.

If you say you like it when he talks jokingly, we also need to figure out when this pattern of his emerges.

As I mentioned earlier, after he listens to you, the pattern of the conversation is like this. Is this how he usually communicates? It's just that when you're expressing your inner feelings, he seems like a different person, listening to you very seriously and attentively. You're not used to it.

This is a whole different ballgame, and we need to be clear about it. When is this state acceptable to you?

If you were explaining your inner confusion and the other person was laughing and joking, would you feel like they didn't respect you?

When we talk to someone, we want them to give us their full attention and to feel like they're taking us seriously.

However, the counselor seems to be a bit serious this time, or maybe his frowning expression has made you uncomfortable and brought up some bad memories.

So you have some resistance, and this is actually the perfect time for your counseling session.

At that time, you could tell your counselor that a certain characteristic of his just now made you feel uncomfortable, and why.

We don't criticize the counselor and we don't feel inferior or belittle ourselves.

Instead, tell him your honest feelings and what you see in his state. At the same time, we can also ask a counselor to help us evaluate our current state and what they think about our inner journey.

You can also ask him to tell you what he was thinking when he frowned. That way, we can match these different points to our different emotions.

This will help you understand each other better and make communication smoother. Otherwise, at this point, there is likely some prejudice or doubt on both sides.

If these minor misunderstandings aren't resolved, they'll eventually lead to a major blowup. By then, you might not be able to handle this series of counseling sessions in a rational and objective way.

This isn't helping your consultation, so we have to trust that the self-taught teacher knows what they're doing. At the same time, this means they respect you and are looking at you objectively.

And in your communication, you need to explain to him what made us uncomfortable, and he needs to explain to you what he was thinking at the time.

You can talk to each other to find a balance. This way, you can move forward together with trust and a good feeling, which is also great for your work relationship.

You can also chat with me about what's going on with you right now.

Even if I'm not your current counselor, I can give you some detailed analysis because I've been in the counseling industry for more than five years.

If you need help understanding some emotions or other confusing feelings, I can act as a follow-up resource and provide suggestions.

This way, you can get a more comprehensive and specific overview, which will help you sort out your relationship more quickly and lead a better life in the future.

Then you can organize the text and click on my personal homepage to ask a question.

I look forward to hearing from you and wish you the best.

In response to your query, it is recommended that you adopt an honest approach with your counselor, disclosing your genuine feelings and thoughts. It is also advisable to pay close attention to the counselor's feedback and recommendations. Unilateral speculation can potentially lead to misunderstandings in relationships.

The counselor's frowning expression is perceived as hypocritical. To what extent does this serious frowning expression occur in the subject's interactions with others? For example, the subject may become aware of themselves in their interactions with their parents. Their parents' serious expressions make the subject feel uncomfortable and as though they are not understood.

It would be beneficial to ascertain whether this kind of thought is present in your communication with friends. Additionally, it would be helpful to understand what kind of facial feedback you hope to receive from the counselor during the communication process.

Should one be able to honestly convey the aforementioned issues to the counselor and permit the counselor's interpretation of said expressions to demonstrate her authentic state, one may discern one's projections and imaginings about the counselor. Furthermore, one may realize that this notion is a product of past experiences and has no bearing on the present.

From my perspective, the use of humor and laughter in communication may facilitate relaxation, yet it may also serve as a defense mechanism against internal anxiety. What factors impede your ability to engage with the counselor's serious demeanor?

For example, individuals who have experienced prolonged exposure to a hostile and punitive environment, characterised by parental rejection, blame and indifference, may seek out alternative spaces and atmospheres that offer a sense of ease and comfort, in order to relieve their inner distress. Alternatively, they may employ a conversational style that is informed by hip-hop culture, as a means of avoiding the need to relinquish control to the counsellor and to defend against the exploration of topics that they find challenging or uncomfortable.

It is essential to communicate any feelings or thoughts that arise during the counseling session to the counselor, as these can provide insight into one's inner state and traumatic experience responses. The counseling process is about the counselor gaining an understanding of the client's inner world and using that understanding to facilitate the client's growth. The counselor's clarifications and explanations are designed to help the client move beyond fantasies about the counselor and gain a more accurate understanding of the other person's true nature, thereby correcting misperceptions and experiences.

Furthermore, disclosing the truth on a regular basis will facilitate the expression of one's authentic self in various contexts.

It is my hope that this information is of some assistance to you.