Why does the mother-in-law always "perform" in front of her husband, and the differences are too obvious? How should we view this?

Hello, I can sense your feelings of helplessness and confusion from your description. If it would help, I'd be happy to give you a warm hug.

1.

The relationship between the daughter-in-law-relationship-how-to-cope-6123.html" target="_blank">mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is a close one, with a man acting as a mediator between them. Should they have a disagreement, it could potentially affect three generations and last for a significant period of time.

If you can find common ground and establish a harmonious relationship, you will become a close-knit family. You will then be able to appreciate the warmth and intimacy that a family can offer.

2.

It might be helpful to talk to your husband about any concerns you have. Once you've discussed them, you could let him speak on your behalf. He might be able to help smooth over any difficulties.

3.

It's worth noting that the mother-in-law has also been a daughter-in-law before, so her actions may not reflect her true feelings. It's important to be understanding and give her the space she needs to express herself. Everyone comes together out of love for their son, so it's essential to be patient and respectful, even if it's not always easy.

4.

The mother-in-law also has a strong desire for control and tends to impose her ideas on others in everything. She is used to being bossy, so it might be helpful to consider arguing strongly if we should insist on our own point of view and to look for ways to compromise where we can, for the sake of family harmony.

5.

The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is of particular importance in the overall family relationship and can have a significant impact on the happiness of many couples. It is often the case that difficulties in getting along between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law arise from a sense of competition, as well as from a tendency for erroneous perceptions to arise between them.

Some mothers may also find it challenging to accept the idea that their son is being taken over by someone else.

Apart from some psychological factors, it seems that the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are still engaged in an unconscious competition. They appear to be competing for the right to lead the family and for the right to speak and dominate in the family.

6.

It would seem that the key to a good relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is that they can reach a consensus and reconcile on everything as much as possible, rather than insisting on their own opinions.

Given the age difference between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, it would be beneficial to put ourselves in their shoes and take a step back to see the big picture.

A good relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is one in which both parties respect and love each other, and work together for the benefit of the family. When mother-in-law and daughter-in-law focus all their energy on the same thing, their thinking will naturally converge.

7.

If it is feasible for you and your mother, it might be beneficial to consider allowing your mother-in-law to return to her own home. It is understandable that raising children can be challenging, especially when you and your mother have a close relationship. It is important to remember that, regardless of the circumstances, you and your mother are still connected by blood and remain a part of each other's lives.

I hope that things go well for you. I hope that my sharing can be of some help and inspiration to you. I'm here if you need me.

Host, you're saying your differences-are-too-obvious-how-should-we-view-this-6257.html" target="_blank">mother-in-law behaves differently when her son is around and when he's not, right?

1. The one who seeks help changes.

Your mother-in-law has different views on life from you and your mother, which has led to unpleasant situations, friction, and some conflicts in your life. These conflicts may escalate. Is that right?

2. I can sense that you are a girl who matches her words with her actions. You and your mother are not good at expressing your emotions, and you are also a girl who knows how to endure for the sake of the family. You demand a high degree of consistency in your words and actions.

You need to solve this. You're worried that there will be more unpleasantness because your mother-in-law's words and deeds don't match. Is that correct?

Your description reveals the grievances you and your mother have suffered. You have chosen not to speak of these grievances for the sake of harmony in the family, but I can feel them. A grievance that can be spoken of is not considered a grievance.

I want to hug you all, but I know you are really having a hard time.

Your mother-in-law is set in her ways, good at spotting problems, and likes to impose her views on others. From what you've described, it's clear that your mother-in-law doesn't get on with her husband's parents or her husband's family, and she's all alone with her son.

She is a hard-luck person. Everyone dislikes her, and now you are included as well. She is acting to get her son's love.

You don't want to cause disputes. You want to avoid conflicts with your mother-in-law.

I'd like you to observe the following:

1. Is your mother-in-law just more demanding and strict with you and your mother, or is she strict with everyone?

2. Is your mother-in-law strict with herself?

3. You're going to have to think really hard to come up with an answer to this one. Why do you think your mother-in-law is "putting on a show"?

4. I want to know how the mother-in-law, father-in-law, your husband, and you usually interact.

5. You should ask yourself why your mother-in-law is "indifferent and even dislikes" you. Is it because of you?

Or is it simply a matter of character?

I want to be clear: is it the mother-in-law who dislikes you, or is it a projection of your mother?

Tell me, is there some disparity in your family? Or is it you who feel the disparity?

I apologize for asking this, but I saw that you used the word "lowly."

Is this your "projection"? Or is she really "lowly"?

7. Love needs to be learned, and getting along with others and treating them sincerely is also an ability. Find out if your mother-in-law has had such a role model by her side. Ask your husband to find out about it in a roundabout way or by other means.

Next, treat your mother-in-law's deliberate "performance" not as a performance, but as her sincere concern. Treat your mother-in-law with a different mindset, and you will feel better.

3. You are currently in the postpartum recovery period, and fluctuations in hormone levels can also cause large fluctuations in mood. It's time to look at it from a different perspective for your own sake.

The mother-in-law seems uneasy. She doesn't show her true self to her son, who she relies on.

She acts submissive to win her son's sympathy.

The mother-in-law is strict, good at spotting problems, and always at odds with the father-in-law. She doesn't like his family either. It can be seen that she is trying to establish her own "territory," even if it means making enemies. What does this show?

This shows the mother-in-law is insecure and low in self-worth. She is afraid of losing her position if she doesn't stand up for it.

My mother and I feel stifled by the mother-in-law's performances.

The mother-in-law is aloof and dislikes my mother. She treats her with indifference.

But in front of my husband, she was different. She would pick my mother's plate and offer her comfort. My mother-in-law showed her love for me in front of her son, making him feel cared for.

But when her son is not around, she is not so attentive.

Your mother-in-law treats you and your mother well in front of your husband because she knows you're more important to him than she is. If she treats you badly, he might reject her.

Maybe she also wants to show her son that she and her son are one family. That's why she needs to act differently in front of her son.

She may say things like "I can't stand your mother" behind your back. This may be because she wants to feel valuable and show her value. It may also be a kind of psychological compensation after "deliberately performing" in front of her son to take care of you and your mother.

You and your mother feel frustrated by your mother-in-law's inconsistent behavior. One possibility is that you are not used to your mother-in-law's contrasting behavior patterns. The other is that your mother-in-law's contrasting behavior towards you seems to be "suggesting" to you that you are good now and you are bad now. You have handed over the power to "define" whether you are good or bad to your mother-in-law.

You'll be judged.

If you've read this far, you probably know how to handle it.

Your mother-in-law's behavior is not about you. It's about her. No matter how she treats you, act according to your own beliefs. When she realizes her words and actions don't influence you, she'll stop trying.

Second, when your mother-in-law is overly attentive in front of your husband, you and your mother can tell her that there is no need to do so. You can set a rule that you should not take each other's food. Break your mother-in-law's "subconscious" conspiracy – she needs to remember that you and your mother are guests and outsiders.

Tell your husband how you feel and what you understand about your mother-in-law's situation. Agree with your husband that your mother-in-law can express herself freely and honestly. This will make your husband and your mother-in-law feel that you and your husband are a real family.

If you treat your mother-in-law and your mother equally, you can avoid any problems between them affecting your relationship with your husband.

I hope my response helps. Best wishes!

Good day, my name is Strawberry.

Based on the information provided by the questioner, it is evident that if there was a power struggle between the husband and wife in the past, the mother-in-law would have been the one to emerge victorious. However, regardless of her current position of authority, she will eventually encounter someone who will challenge her.

It is important to note that while there is currently no solution to this issue, it is possible that one may emerge in the future. The questioner is still in the postpartum period and should avoid experiencing too many negative emotions, as this could impact the recovery of her body.

From the text description, it is evident that the mother-in-law's status is above that of the father-in-law. This has led to a pattern of expressing anger towards her father-in-law when she is dissatisfied with something. If this continues, it will have a detrimental impact on the future children, who will pick up these habits as they grow up.

The mother-in-law is highly dependent on the questioner's husband. Could you please describe the typical dynamics of the relationship between the questioner and her husband? Do you engage in frequent communication and discussion?

Given the relevance of the relationship between you in addressing this matter,

What is the optimal approach to view and handle this situation?

First, assess your husband's attitude in private.

The questioner can inquire about her husband's perspective on his mother's comments when they are alone together. A woman's status in the family is largely dependent on her husband's influence. Your mother-in-law's positive treatment of you is likely due to your husband's guidance. Therefore, if the questioner maintains a positive relationship with her husband and he considers her feelings, your mother-in-law will likely be aware of his stance and refrain from any problematic behavior.

It would be beneficial to ascertain your husband's views on the matter when you have an opportunity to speak with him privately. Your mother-in-law's behaviour is likely to be influenced by your husband's attitude. If you have a good relationship with your husband and he values your input, your mother-in-law will be more likely to respect your views.

2. Address the issue collectively.

The mother-in-law's behavior changes when she is alone with your husband. It may be helpful for the questioner to communicate to their husband how his mother treats them and their mother when he is not present.

It is understandable that you are angry and embarrassed by your mother-in-law's behavior. However, it is important not to let these emotions cloud your judgment. Express your feelings that your mother-in-law's treatment of your mother seems unfair. Furthermore, express your desire for your husband to help solve this problem together. When your husband sees that you are understanding, he will see that you are a wife who is willing to live with him.

3. It would be advisable to maintain a certain distance.

It is rare for anyone to be able to alter the personality and behaviour of a mother-in-law. If she is reluctant to change because she is unaware of her shortcomings, then her behaviour will persist.

The husband of the questioner is also relatively clear about what his mother is like. In order to provide the child with a healthy environment in which to grow up, the questioner can try to express their idea of living apart with their own family to their husband at an appropriate opportunity. They can also give more power of decision to their husband, so that he can learn to take responsibility for his share.

Forcing people to live together is likely to result in numerous conflicts due to the existence of a generational gap. Therefore, it is essential to live separately, not out of dislike for the older generation.

I hope this information is useful to the questioner. Best regards,

Good morning.

I can understand the pressure from the mother-in-law and the sense of powerlessness in trying to maintain the balance of your own little family. It can be difficult to know whether to "obey obediently" or "actively rebel". One thing to remember is that "life is your own". It might help to try your best to take on the responsibilities and obligations you should take on, and learn to let go of the parts you can't afford.

It would be beneficial to consider the mother-in-law's position in relation to the husband.

From my observation, it seems that the mother-in-law has a strong personality and tends to hold exclusive views, which may sometimes lack tolerance. This could potentially lead to conflicts within the family. Additionally, it appears that the husband's relationship with his family was not as harmonious as it could have been, as the mother-in-law tends to dislike being contradicted or blamed. This may have involved the father-in-law and even the son making certain compromises to satisfy her, which could have contributed to maintaining a balance within the family.

The mother-in-law is a woman who lacks her husband's support and is not emotionally nourished. She is not accepted or understood by others, and it seems that she longs to be accepted and understood. She is just too dominant, hiding her desire to be close to others. It's understandable that no one can see it and dares not approach her, because they don't know which is the real her. The son grew up in the midst of these conflicts, so he may not understand his mother either. Otherwise, he would surely know the situation of his current wife and the pressure she is under. It might be helpful for him to see through his mother's "masterful acting."

It would be helpful to consider the mother and "I" viewpoints.

I have been in this situation for some time, caring for the baby together with the mother-in-law. I am concerned that our differing approaches may lead to conflict, particularly as I find it challenging to interact with people who are two-faced. How should I view and deal with this?

From the perspective and approach of the questioner's exposition, it can be seen that the questioner's character may be considered relatively mild, with a tendency to "retreat in order to advance" and "expect minor issues to be resolved." There have been challenges in large and small families for many years, and it seems that the postpartum period has been a particularly challenging time. Why might this be?

It is often the case that women prioritize family harmony and may therefore make personal sacrifices for the sake of family peace. However, the postpartum period is a time when this protective mode can break down, as women may feel vulnerable and in need of care. They may also have expectations of more considerate relationships. If the husband is immature and struggles to maintain control within the family, and if the mother-in-law, who initially offered support with the postpartum period, is inconsistent, it can lead to a situation where the wife and husband find themselves on opposing sides. In this case, the questioner's mother was also present to offer support, which unfortunately resulted in a challenging situation.

Despite her mother also experiencing difficulties, the questioner, who was in the postpartum period, was particularly vulnerable emotionally and physically. It was challenging for her to cope with the current issues. With her mother providing support, she had a degree of resilience and her emotions did not reach a breaking point. She is grateful for her mother's help and company.

Could you please share your thoughts on how you view and handle problems?

The family situation of the original poster has been listed above. It is hoped that this will help the original poster to understand that the difficulties caused by the mother-in-law's behaviour are not straightforward. Many people in this situation might suggest that the original poster should "be magnanimous" and "bear with it for a while" and that the problem will eventually resolve itself. However, this may not be the most helpful approach. It might be more constructive to address the issue in a considered, principled, tolerant and solution-focused manner, in order to properly address the mother-in-law's concerns.

You have the option of raising the children yourself, if you so choose, and you are under no obligation to seek assistance from your mother-in-law.

Given that the mother-in-law's personality has been shaped over time and is unlikely to change, we should focus on addressing the issue from within. With the child's arrival, there has been more interaction with the mother-in-law. This has led to a challenge where we want to benefit from her help with childcare while also expressing concerns. We can address this by recognizing that the mother-in-law is not obliged to raise the child. The child was born at our request, so we are solely responsible for raising them. We can express gratitude for her care during this period and let her know that we are capable of raising the child on our own. We can also suggest that she return to her own family but visit often. However, it might be helpful to consider limiting the time we spend together. Our own mothers can provide support when needed, and their presence can also help to ease some of the tension.

It would be beneficial to try to communicate with your husband on a more psychological level.

I believe the original poster is aware that life is not always smooth sailing. If you want to build a happy and harmonious family, it would be beneficial to work hard yourself. It might be helpful to "settle" and "reassure" your husband. It would be valuable for you to make him share the responsibility of building peace in the new family. It would be beneficial for you to understand the needs and difficulties of starting a new family. It would be helpful for you to hope that he can understand your position and difficulties. It would be valuable for you to face the difficulties together. It would be beneficial for you to communicate well to prevent misunderstandings between husband and wife. It would be helpful to communicate well first, not after the fact.

It would be beneficial for communication with your husband to be calm and peaceful, with a harmonious communication style being established. Problems should be sorted out slowly, with guidance provided gradually. It is often the case that if a man fails to support and stand united with his wife and mother-in-law when it comes to issues between them, he will become emotionally hurt and jump to the opposite side, causing confrontation. Therefore, it would be helpful for the questioner to gradually guide her husband to understand the problem and establish a sense of boundary in their relationship.

It would be beneficial to play your role as a daughter-in-law well, while at the same time establishing a good sense of boundaries.

It is assumed that the mother-in-law is not an interfering and domineering person. In such cases, harmony is actually the most important thing when dealing with problems in both the extended and nuclear families. However, the questioner's mother-in-law is someone who lacks a sense of security and likes to interfere, and she likes to "stir up trouble." In this case, the questioner may wish to consider establishing a sense of boundaries if they don't want to be distracted by the mother-in-law and focus more on running their own nuclear family. They can maintain a distance in their lives, but they should also give the younger generation adequate care and respect, do their own share of the work, try to solve problems on their own if possible, maintain a good emotional connection and communication with their husband, understand and accept each other, and work together to solve all external problems. This approach may help to maintain the emotional bond of their intimate relationship.

Otherwise, it may be more beneficial to consider other approaches than blindly protesting and trying to win against the mother-in-law. This could help to avoid estrangement between the husband and wife, who may not understand each other's perspectives. The mother-in-law, on the other hand, may find it challenging to adapt to a changing environment and may resort to a prolonged, silent conflict with the daughter-in-law.

Everyone aspires to create a life they truly desire, and they do so with their own unique blend of intelligence and hard work. It's important to recognize that the immediate difficulties we face may not always align with our inner will. Life's challenges can often be unpredictable, and it's essential to approach them with a sense of flexibility and understanding.

I wish you the best!

Hello, host. It's not easy to see that you just gave birth to a child and now have to face a mother-in-law who says one thing to your face and another behind your back.

It's normal to feel anxious and depressed after giving birth. If you're also feeling angry and resentful towards your mother-in-law, it can make you more vulnerable. Take control by analyzing how you can deal with it.

First, emotionally "isolate" yourself from your mother-in-law.

The mother-in-law is skilled at putting on a show for her husband, playing the part of a caring wife and offering to serve food. She is simply trying to fulfill her perceived "need to perform." There is no harm in accepting her performance at this time, as it does not affect you or your mother. Be open to her "kindness" and reciprocate with gratitude.

You should also express your gratitude to your husband in front of your mother-in-law. She has shown you all kinds of love and generosity, so you need to reciprocate. This kind of relationship shows balance. Praise your mother-in-law and be grateful to her so that your husband and your mother-in-law can have a sense of balance.

You give and you get in return. Your reward is to give the other person satisfaction verbally, without losing out. Don't feel aggrieved.

When your husband is not around, your mother-in-law is just that – your mother-in-law. She didn't raise you for 20 years and probably doesn't want to do much more than that. So, if your mother-in-law helps you look after the baby, it's a matter of affection. If she doesn't want to help, it's understandable and you can't force her to. Don't have any expectations of your mother-in-law. Treat her as your mother-in-law and someone you need to respect.

You must communicate well with your husband.

Your husband doesn't know your mother-in-law, and he won't believe she has any bad qualities. Don't try to make him understand her.

Describe the facts objectively, such as what your mother has done for you and the family. Your husband needs to know. Otherwise, he will only know to feel sorry for his mother, and after a long time, he will have complaints. However, since it is your mother-in-law who is praised and thanked at the dinner table, privately let your husband know what your mother has done. It is just that your mother-in-law may be more concerned about face, so praising her in front of everyone will make her happier.

Let your husband know that there are now two mothers contributing to the family and that you should also give both mothers your care and love at the same time. You must balance the relationship. You are not the only one facing this issue. You are responsible for being nice to your mother-in-law, and your husband is responsible for being nice to your mother. This way, the two of you are on the same side, and each of you is contributing. This will prevent your husband and mother-in-law from being on the same side, and you and your mother from being on the same side, which could easily lead to hostility.

Take care of your emotions.

After giving birth, you are in a very emotional and sensitive period, and your emotions are also fluctuating the most. It is essential that you protect your emotions and learn to reduce and relax your stress, regardless of the external environment.

Take 10 minutes a day to meditate. Ask your mother and mother-in-law to join you. They are busy and tired, and sometimes in a bad mood. Meditation relieves anxiety.

You must take care of yourself first, and then take care of your mother. I can tell you care a lot about your mother and are worried about her. But she is also an adult who has been through a lot. You need to take care of yourself first, so that you will have the strength to take care of your mother.

It's simple: living in close quarters with a large number of people leads to conflicts. Many boundaries are blurred, which can easily lead to boundary crossing issues. But the birth of a new life has linked everyone together, so just think of it as a small test. Smooth out your relationships with each other, clarify some boundaries and rules, and slowly everyone will know what they should do and what they can't do. It will be much better.

Mothers are great. You've become one yourself, so you know the difficulties of being a parent. You're strong and powerful. I hope this helps. The world and I love you ?

It can feel like you're caught in the middle, between your mother-in-law and your husband. When your husband is around, your mother-in-law is very nice, but as soon as he's gone, she immediately changes her face.

This is an upgraded version of the green tea bitch, the green tea mother-in-law.

First, it's important to get your own priorities straight. You are the hostess in your own home, so it's up to you to make sure everything runs smoothly!

If your mother-in-law is happy to help with childcare, you should be really grateful. If she doesn't want to, perhaps your mum could lend a hand?

Have you thought about hiring a nanny? Or maybe you could do it yourself?

As the hostess of this household, other women are guests. What's the best way to treat them? They'll be here for a while, so it's great if you can get along peacefully during this time. If not, no problem! You can always send them away.

Second, it's really important to unite with your husband. If you tell your husband too much about your mother-in-law's opinions, he might think that your mother is doing a great job and that you're being a bit unreasonable.

So it's really important to agree on things you can agree on, like living habits and the way you raise your children. Otherwise, you might feel a bit isolated and like you're not really at home.

Finally, when dealing with such a two-faced person, we can also treat her in two ways. She is not her own biological mother, so it's important to remember that she can't be as sincere as her biological mother treats her.

It can be tricky to find someone who is kind and reasonable, but it's worth trying! Try to be gentle and respectful in front of your husband, and show your authority in front of your mother-in-law.

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Come on, you can do this! You are the mother, and for the sake of your children and a better family life, you need to manage wisely, just as you would manage a company. You will encounter subordinates who bully their superiors and hide the truth from them. Either ask them to leave, or have the capital to keep fighting with them. Peace is built when both sides are equally matched. Don't set yourself up as the role of the meek wife who endures abuse. You are stronger than that!

Hello, host! I can really empathize with you after reading your question.

I can really relate to your situation! I had just given birth not long ago, and my mother-in-law and I were both helping to take care of the baby. I encountered a mother-in-law who loved to "act out," and I know how it can make you feel.

Based on my own experience, I'd love to share some advice that I hope will be helpful for you.

First of all, for problems such as "the mother-in-law has a fixed way of thinking, is strict with others and herself, is good at spotting problems, and is obsessed with getting her views accepted by others. She is always at odds with the father-in-law and often argues about big and small matters," this type of problem is her own business, and you don't need to pay attention to it. What you need to care about is only the part that affects you because she is related to you.

Second, your mother-in-law is an elderly person. Psychology suggests that it's very difficult to change the way an elderly person thinks and acts, as well as their personality. So, it's important to accept that "the mother-in-law is just the way she is." We may not like this type of person, but it's important to remember that "there are all kinds of people in the world." There are people in society like the mother-in-law.

Third, it's really important to try to communicate with your husband. But at this time, you have to be very careful because the mother in the eyes of a son is often friendly and without malice. If you don't see it with your own eyes, it's generally not easy to believe that your mother will "say one thing to your face and another behind your back."

So when you try to explain the facts to your husband, it's really important to make sure you don't bring your anger and resentment towards your mother-in-law into the conversation. Just stick to the facts and express your own difficulties and confusion (which is also the truth). For example, "Honey, I know that conflicts between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law are an unavoidable problem in every family, and I was prepared for it. But now that both mothers are helping to take care of the baby, some problems have arisen, which makes me feel very troubled and I don't know what to do. Then, describe your mother-in-law's behavior to him objectively, and finally express your own thoughts: "In fact, I think we are all family, and both mothers are working hard for our little family and our children. I am equally grateful to them, so there is no need for our mother to be deliberately polite to my mother. We are all family, so we should just get along naturally.

Finally, let your husband speak to your mother-in-law. In my experience, this will be better than if we talked to her directly.

It's probably best to avoid directly talking about it, as it might lead to conflict and won't necessarily solve the problem. It's often a good idea to let your husband do the talking, as the mother who loves her son more will be more likely to listen to him.

It's not easy being a mother, raising children, or being someone's wife or daughter-in-law. But we can do it! Let's take it slow and work on improving our problem-solving skills little by little.

I really do hope we can all be happy in the end. Sending you all my love and best wishes, sister!

It's time to lower your expectations!

If she likes to act, let her act! It's better than not acting at all. Everyone has their own personality, and we can't expect everyone to behave the way we want. So let her act!

Your mother-in-law is a strong-willed person, and there is no way you can change her. Your father-in-law never managed to change her, so why should you? You've got this!

But she has done everything she should as a mother-in-law, and apart from her strong attitude, there is nothing wrong with her in other respects.

Congratulations on welcoming a new addition to your family! This is an exciting time, as you both embrace your new roles and navigate the changes in your family dynamic. While challenges may arise, remember to stay calm and adjust to each other's needs. Don't set too high of expectations — enjoy the journey and celebrate the new chapter together!

As for your mother-in-law's attitude towards your mother, don't sweat it! Your mother is mainly there to help you out, and she won't be in contact with your mother-in-law for long. Everyone is doing what they can for you and the baby, so you've got this!

Be a wise woman!

Never forget to compliment your mother-in-law! She's actually quite kind at heart, so let's show her some love!

Say more kind words to her. She just wants to be competitive, so you should let her. He is an elder anyway, so it doesn't matter. But you have to get the measure right and not be too subservient.

It's so easy to buy her small gifts from time to time, and it'll make her feel really special! Before you know it, you'll be able to be honest with each other.

Absolutely anything is possible in a relationship if you're sincere! There's no ice that can't be melted, no night that can't be illuminated. The only thing holding us back is a lack of wisdom.

Bless you!

Your mother-in-law seems nice but is actually two-faced. She's like a chameleon, changing her behaviour in front of her son and you. You and your mother feel uncomfortable, but you have to put up with it because you want your mother to help with the baby. You're afraid of facing her for a long time and being unable to stand the conflict.

Right?

Your hormones are out of balance after giving birth, so you're prone to negative emotions. Women are vulnerable at this time. They'd rather have their husband show concern for them than have their mother-in-law help with childcare. If the husband shows concern for his wife, she may not pay as much attention to the mother-in-law.

When I was in the hospital, I thought it would be easier if my mom took care of me. But the truth is, if you don't show your mom you're close, your mother-in-law will feel neglected.

The biological mother will still be biased and distressed. The mother-in-law will have complaints: it's just cooking, so simple, and she can't do it well.

If you speak to your mother-in-law with such emotions, you can hurt her feelings and make everyone unhappy.

Rationally, the relationship with the mother-in-law is strained, so more attention needs to be paid. Emotionally, they are on the same side as their own mother. This makes the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law even more difficult.

It also causes future problems between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law!

When both mothers are involved, the father feels less worried because he has help. The mother cares about how much the father values her and the children. With so many people around, the father's lack of enthusiasm has affected the couple's relationship.

Dad, you may be busy at work, but you need to keep up with your wife's needs and calm her down. Don't let trivial matters damage your relationship.

How can you get along with your mother-in-law in the future?

Many mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law have problems. You say you are afraid of conflicts with your mother-in-law. After a conflict, you are afraid that your mother-in-law will not help with childcare?

Or are you afraid of something else?

A mother-in-law and daughter-in-law should respect and be grateful to each other. The person you married was born after the mother-in-law carried the baby for ten months and raised the baby with great difficulty. The mother-in-law and father-in-law raised the baby to become the responsible, loving, and giving man he is today. Seeing the mother-in-law's hard work over the years, you feel grateful and appreciate her, and the relationship becomes more relaxed.

Conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law does not mean they dislike each other. Many mothers-in-law don't know how to respect their daughter-in-law's privacy, and daughters-in-law don't know how to be grateful. Both sides have expectations, and more expectations mean greater disappointment.

A husband can help a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law get along. A wise husband can calm his wife and handle his relationship with his mother well.

A good family is one where everyone is mature and independent, with clear boundaries. Friction is unavoidable, especially between two generations with different mindsets. A wise daughter-in-law doesn't always complain, but uses her husband to communicate and resolve issues.

The best way to get along with your mother-in-law may be to have no relationship with her. Let go of expectations, maintain an appropriate distance, have boundaries, and respect each other.

Respect each other, stick to the point, treat each other politely, and maintain boundaries. What do you think?

Best wishes!

Greetings,

The host

A careful reading of the post reveals the emotional complexity and dilemma experienced by the author. It is noteworthy that the author has demonstrated courage in expressing her distress and seeking assistance on the platform, which will undoubtedly facilitate a deeper understanding of her mother-in-law and facilitate more effective adjustments.

In this section, I will present my observations and thoughts on the subject matter, which I hope will provide the reader with a more nuanced understanding of the situation.

1. Attempt to accept your mother-in-law for who she truly is.

From the aforementioned post, it is evident that the poster has provided a detailed account of the mother-in-law's characteristics. The mother-in-law is characterized by a fixed mindset, a tendency to be strict with others and herself, an aptitude for identifying problems, and an obsession with having her views accepted by others. She is consistently at odds with the father-in-law, engaging in frequent arguments about both major and minor issues, and displays a lack of affinity for his family. My husband is her primary source of dependence.

From these points, it can be surmised that the mother-in-law has a strong desire for control within her husband's family, which has resulted in a tense relationship with her husband. What problems might arise from this tense relationship? The mother-in-law's emotional and intimate needs will not be met.

It is important to recognize that certain needs can only be fulfilled by a husband. In the event that these needs are not met, the mother-in-law may seek alternative sources of fulfillment.

This may be the internal psychological motivation for the mother-in-law's extreme dependence on her husband.

In light of these considerations, what are the prospects that the host believes he can alter his mother-in-law's behavior? If such a transformation were feasible, it seems likely that it would have occurred long ago.

If we are unable to effect change, we will experience distress. Thus, it is pertinent to inquire whether there are any viable courses of action.

It is possible to take action in this situation. One such action would be to accept your mother-in-law for who she is.

Furthermore, accepting one's mother-in-law for who she is allows for the avoidance of disappointment and anger in the event of a lack of change in accordance with expectations. It is therefore beneficial to reserve such energy for one's own self-care.

2. Construct a personal firewall.

It is important to recognize that accepting your mother-in-law's behavior from the outset inevitably leads to conflicts and emotional distress in your relationship with her. In such a situation, it is crucial to determine the most appropriate course of action.

One might posit that a comparison can be drawn between humans and computers. A computer is able to function normally not because it is free of viruses, but because it has its own firewall. It rejects the damage of viruses.

It is therefore possible to posit the construction of a personal firewall, which would prevent harm and allow the enjoyment of some of the benefits that a mother-in-law may bring.

As a result, one will experience a greater sense of positivity in their interpersonal relationships. The question then becomes: How can one construct such a firewall?

Indeed, the optimal solution would be to maintain a physical separation, although this may not be feasible in all circumstances. In such instances, it is essential to cultivate personal growth and resilience to safeguard one's emotional well-being.

It is important to recognize that the primary objective of the mother-in-law's actions is to gain her husband's approval and to fulfill her own emotional and intimacy needs in her husband. During this period, it is acceptable to allow her to pursue these goals, even if they manifest in minor behaviors.

If the fundamental issue is addressed, it is advisable to express your position in a firm yet gentle manner, thereby conveying to the other party what you are and are not willing to accept. It is important to recognise that the manner in which we are treated by others is often a reflection of our own conduct and behaviour.

We do not concern ourselves with inconsequential matters and reserve our energy for our own pursuits. It is, after all, beneficial to enjoy life and to pursue personal growth.

It is recommended that the mother-in-law be treated as a sounding board, with whom one can engage repeatedly to become aware of and manage one's emotions. Once a high level of emotional management has been reached, it will prove beneficial in all aspects of life, including parenting, work, and business endeavors.

If your mother is capable of caring for the children, it may be beneficial to allow her to resume her role. The less time spent in each other's presence, the less likely it is that annoyance will arise.

3. Petition your husband for assistance.

The relationship between a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is inherently triangular. The husband plays a pivotal role in this dynamic.

It can be reasonably inferred from the content of the post that the husband is also receptive to input from his mother-in-law. At this juncture, the original poster may benefit from contemplating potential avenues for seeking assistance.

Ultimately, it is imperative to surmount one's husband's initial rejection in order to facilitate his willingness to listen. However, in the event of a potential conflict, it is crucial to exercise caution and avoid pushing the matter to its extreme.

The husband's position will determine the trajectory of the relationship between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. When seeking assistance from one's husband, it may be advisable to avoid explicitly stating the intention to request help. Instead, it may be more effective to discuss the subject of daily routines and communication methods, drawing upon observations and personal sentiments.

This method of communication is more effective. By expressing oneself objectively, one can gradually assist one's spouse in developing an objective understanding of one's mother-in-law.

It is only through this process that the husband can rationally consider whether some of his mother-in-law's actions are reasonable. It is important to understand that there is a period of "symbiosis" in the development of the mother-son relationship. If the husband has not yet developed his own independent thinking system and has not cut himself off from his mother-in-law, it is likely that he will feel uncomfortable when we mention his mother-in-law, and as a result, he will be unable to think rationally.

With regard to communication, it would be beneficial for the original poster to familiarise themselves with the communication methods outlined in "Nonviolent Communication." It is likely that this will prove to be a valuable resource.

Ultimately, it is my hope that this will serve as a source of inspiration for the original poster. I am Zeng Chen, a psychological coach at One Mind.

Dear question asker, It was a pleasure to read your post and to feel as though I were meeting you in person.

I have taken the time to read your post carefully, and as someone who has had the experience of having children and raising them, I can empathize very much. The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is always an unavoidable topic in Chinese culture, not to mention the sensitivity you are in now, soon after giving birth. I hope to be of some help to you by sharing some things.

From your description of your relationship with your mother-in-law and father-in-law, it seems that your husband's family is also your husband's family. It appears that your mother-in-law and father-in-law have differing approaches to life, which can sometimes result in disagreements. Additionally, it seems that she may not receive as much emotional support from his family as she would like.

It is understandable that your mother-in-law's desires in her own intimate relationship have not been met, and that she may therefore turn her emotions and dependence towards her son. While her actions may seem unusual or even theatrical, they are likely driven by a genuine desire for recognition and compassion from her son. She may be seeking a sense of identity and dependence from him.

These are all facts, and they seem to be things you cannot change. So, whether you understand, sympathize with, or are annoyed with your mother-in-law, it may be helpful to accept and allow yourself to feel these emotions.

Furthermore, it might be helpful to consider whether acceptance and understanding could help calm our emotions more than anger if we cannot change these things.

Secondly, I can see that your current situation is that you gave birth to your child not long ago, and your mother-in-law helped take care of your child together with your mother. While this model is not completely impossible, it is important to recognize that many families face significant challenges when they live in the same room with two original families.

It might be helpful to consider the situation of two elderly people who have lived in different ways in their respective families for decades, and who have come to a new family because of their children. It is understandable that they may find it challenging to adapt their decades-old lifestyle to accommodate others. It is possible that they may feel aggrieved over trivial matters. If this situation persists over time, it could potentially lead to further difficulties. It may be beneficial to explore ways to streamline the situation, such as having only one elderly person take on the responsibility of caring for things together. This could help to make the relationship more manageable.

Ultimately, the relationship between a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is one that we cannot avoid, and it is also a relationship that requires ongoing growth and learning. Your husband can be a valuable ally in navigating this dynamic. While your words may not have reflected your husband's perspective on this matter, communication with him may offer a promising avenue for resolution. Given the unique qualities of your mother-in-law, including her strength and independence, he may have been influenced by some of his original family. However, in an intimate relationship, you and your husband are partners who support each other.

It may be helpful to consider that changing the relationship in the nuclear family can often begin with the couple's relationship. This approach could also provide a more positive template for future children in their own original families.

A great relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is all about an enlightened mother-in-law and a wise daughter-in-law. This is something that both sides can work on together! For example, the daughter-in-law can help the mother-in-law with some things and praise her at the same time. Meanwhile, the mother-in-law can focus her attention on the father-in-law, making him the center of her world.

Right now, it's clear that your mother-in-law has some hidden qualities that are making it tough for you to have a smooth relationship. Your mother-in-law is set in her ways and very strict, which makes her obsessed with getting everyone else to agree with her. This might be her way of exerting control, but it's also an opportunity for you to stand your ground and show her who's in charge!

On top of that, her marriage is a work in progress, which means she has her hands full. Instead of focusing on her own family, she's paying attention to yours, which is a great sign! And since your mother-in-law still relies on your husband, it's a chance for you to show her how capable you are.

You're still in a bit of a vulnerable spot, but you're on the mend! It's time to focus on the present and see what unfolds. Your mother-in-law might be a bit tricky, but that doesn't mean she's a bad person. She might just be trying to assert herself.

If you really don't like your mother-in-law, it's a great idea to explain the situation to your mother-in-law and your husband. Let them know that you only need your mother. You could also gain your husband's understanding, or go back to your parents' home to recuperate. This could really help to resolve the situation! However, changing your mother-in-law's personality is almost a major project, and it is not easy for her to suddenly come to her senses and return to her own relationship with her husband. But don't worry, you've got this!

ZQ?