Why does venting lead to the other person's irritability? Now I feel like I can't trust anyone.

You feel particularly disappointed in your boyfriend today and really want to break up with him, but you can't bring yourself to do it because you have shared debts. This kind of trouble! You wanted to talk it out with your younger brother, but he made you feel even more depressed with his impatient and extreme words. You feel that there is no one in the world who can understand you, that no one can be trusted, and that compared to your brother, your boyfriend doesn't seem so annoying after all. You feel confused and at a loss.

It's so important to remember that whether a relationship is worth continuing depends on whether the two people share the same values, whether they can tolerate each other's flaws, whether they respect each other, and whether they would worry about each other's safety in an emergency. We all know that conflicts are inevitable during the course of a relationship. The good news is that through honest communication after calming down, you can enhance your understanding of each other. Sometimes conflicts are actually an opportunity for the two of you to grow closer.

I can see that your younger brother is very concerned for you, which is totally understandable! However, his impatience and strong language might be making you feel a bit uncomfortable. It's natural to feel this way when someone is expressing their worry for you. Try to imagine how you would react if something happened to someone you didn't care about.

My younger brother is worried about my sister, and I can see that in his impatience and extreme language. He doesn't mean to upset you, sweetie, but if he could express himself more gently, it might be better received. You can find a suitable opportunity to communicate with your brother, express your feelings, and listen to his feelings as well. This way, you can understand each other and feel much better. Family members love you!

I really hope the above will help you get out of your predicament sooner, be nourished in your intimate and family relationships, and live a happy life!

Hi, I'm Chen Yu, your friendly neighborhood psychologist. I'm here to support you as you shine your light!

I hope this helps!

Hello, host! I empathize with your dilemma between the economy and emotions.

When we are in a dilemma, it is important to take a moment to calm down and not let ourselves get caught up in feelings of disappointment, regret, or pain. It can be helpful to then try to figure out what it is that is causing us so much trouble and then try to find a solution.

It seems that you have some concerns about your boyfriend. If he seems unmotivated and irresponsible, it's natural to feel hesitant about the relationship. However, it's important to remember that you have the power to decide whether or not to break up.

Perhaps he offers you something your family doesn't, whether it's emotional value or something else.

After all, people need material things to survive. If we look back, no matter how much emotional value someone provides, the debt will always be there and needs to be repaid. Perhaps it would be helpful to ask your boyfriend about this. It's a debt you both incurred, so it might be beneficial to discuss how to repay it together.

Could it be that he doesn't agree with you, or perhaps that you feel he wants you to bear the burden alone, that he makes it hard for you to bring it up? If we eliminate emotions from the equation, the solution seems relatively clear: either you take the initiative to mention it to your boyfriend and ask him to pay his share, or you just keep quiet and bear the burden alone.

Furthermore, regardless of the boyfriend's attitude, we have our own judgment, so we won't be distressed over something that hasn't happened yet. We also have a good idea of what to do and what decision to make, don't we?

In my opinion, when choosing a spouse, it would be beneficial to consider whether the two parties' worldviews are similar. This could include how they view life, how they behave and interact with others, how they divide responsibilities within the family, and how they resolve minor differences. When it comes to being together, it is important to have a basic guarantee of material living standards and the ability to maintain a family life. It is essential to be willing to work hard for the family if you want your love to last.

Furthermore, it is natural for people to desire emotional value, and it is not uncommon for individuals to express discontent when they feel their needs are not being met. However, it is important to recognize that seeking satisfaction externally may not be a comprehensive solution if it is not met at home.

Every object has its value, some of which may be hidden beneath the surface. In other words, when we seek something that is not ours, it is important to consider whether we can pay the price and whether we can afford it.

Perhaps the greatest and best emotional value is the one you provide to yourself. Nourishing and loving yourself, and giving yourself the ability to nourish others, can be a wonderful way to live. For example, I am good at something and I am proud of it, and everyone recognizes me, which gives me great satisfaction. I understand my brother's temper, and I understand that he is worried about me and is anxious for me. I also let him know that I know how he feels, which helps us to communicate better. This is an emotional exchange between family members, and you are also providing emotional value to each other. How is it that the way the other person acts and behaves is just what I like, and we have a tacit understanding? We both give the other person a feeling of understanding and satisfaction, which is a wonderful thing. This is the emotional value he provides to you, and you are also giving it back to him.

I believe these could be considered examples of happiness.

I wish you the best!

Hello!

After reading your question, I learned that you and your boyfriend owe money together. You didn't know how to bring it up, and you were feeling a bit helpless, so you talked to your younger brother about it. However, your brother said some extreme things that made you angry, and now you're feeling more confident in standing up for yourself. I understand your feelings of helplessness and confusion now, and I'm excited to see how you'll navigate this situation!

Let's talk about your younger brother first. He said those things because he's angry at you for doing this. Boys are rational animals, so they can see the essence of an event more clearly. Your younger brother may be thinking, "If your boyfriend really loves you, he won't let you get into debt together. And the fact that you did this means that your boyfriend is hoping and acquiescing to it, so he probably doesn't love you that much." But here's the good news! Because your younger brother is your family member and an outsider, he can see the essence of this matter at a glance and feel that you are suffering a loss, so he is angry and has some extreme emotions and words towards you. But you can work through this together!

Let's talk about boyfriends again! The boyfriend didn't take the initiative to say anything about repaying the money. It's possible that he's forgotten or doesn't want to repay the money and drag you down with him. These are all possible scenarios that you need to consider. Let's not discuss human nature or breakups for now. Take a deep breath and figure out how to express your feelings so that your boyfriend will repay the money. You can directly express your feelings and ask your boyfriend to pay the money and see his reaction. If your boyfriend directly refuses to repay the money, there is a high probability that he is waiting for you to repay the money. In this case, you can tactfully express that you also don't have any money and are also living a very difficult life, and hope that he can repay the money. If he doesn't want to take care of it, it means that he really doesn't care about you and just wants you to pay. At this time, you need to consider whether to stay in this relationship.

If you're considering breaking up with your boyfriend, you have the power to make the decision. Before you do, you can let him pay you back the money you think he owes you using the methods above. Then, you can think about what kind of person he is and whether you can trust him. It's especially important to think about how you'll split up any money you've spent together. If he has different ideas about money than you do, you might want to think twice about continuing the relationship. But remember, even if the relationship is good, you have the power to make the decision to break up!

At last, when searching for the perfect partner, it's essential to focus on their character. Don't just listen to what they say, but observe how they treat you. Do they genuinely care about you? It's not about material gifts, but about their kindness, compassion, and alignment with positive values. Imagine a future where you and your partner can coexist harmoniously, and even thrive together! There are so many resources out there to help you understand the many facets of human nature. No matter what the relationship is, it's crucial to get along and see the inner side clearly before making the exciting decision to continue. Family members will often offer insights and guidance, so don't be afraid to consider their perspectives. Immerse yourself in understanding the motives and reasons behind each person's actions, and you'll gain a deeper appreciation for the intricacies of human nature.

And the above

I hope my answer helps.

You just wanted to talk to your brother. You wanted an outlet for your emotions. You wanted his understanding and comfort, not his accusations and criticisms. But because you confided in him, you received some extreme words instead, which affected your mood. Confiding definitely has a healing effect, but we need to find the right confidant.

My advice is:

It's good to share your problems with others, but you need to find the right person to talk to.

Psychologists say that sharing your feelings with others is good for your mental health. It can help you feel better.

Talking to family and friends can help you feel better.

You need to choose someone you can trust. Only those who support you and make you feel good are good confidants. Your brother did not support you. He rejected you and caused you problems. He is not a good confidant.

Think about whether you have anyone you can talk to. If you don't, you can go to a professional listener or counselor. If you don't like the idea of talking to someone close to you, you can also talk to a tree, the sea, or a river.

2. Think about what you don't like about your boyfriend. Make a list of the good and bad points. This will help you decide whether to break up with him.

You want to talk because you are disappointed in your boyfriend and don't know if you should break up with him. I would suggest looking at what you need in the relationship and what you are disappointed in him for. We become disappointed in others because our needs are not being met. I would assess whether he can meet your needs. If he is always unable to give you what you want, you might want to find someone more suitable. When we can't get what we want from others, we always want to ask for it. Either you let go of the expectation of asking for it and give it to yourself, or you leave him and find someone who can give it to you. In a relationship, you will not be so entangled. A long-term, stable intimate relationship must be one in which you can meet each other's needs. You can try to express your needs first. If he knows your needs and can adjust to give you more of what you want, this can promote the development of your relationship. You can also invite him to express his needs so that you can give him more of what he wants. This will make you closer.

List the consequences of breaking up or not breaking up. Which result are you more willing to bear? If it were your friend, what choice would you advise her to make? Look at it from a third-party perspective to make a better choice.

Read Managing Intimate Relationships and Emotional First Aid.

For your reference. Best wishes!

Hello, question asker!

You want to break up with your boyfriend, but you still owe him several thousand dollars, so you don't know how to bring it up. You send a message to your brother to tell him about it. You originally just wanted to vent to your brother, but he was too anxious about the matter and said some extreme things to you, which affected your mood. You concluded that your brother was not trustworthy.

Let's analyze this matter. The boyfriend should be excited. The younger brother is wrong to get so excited. We can look at it from the outside.

Your boyfriend should be excited!

You both owe the money together, and you are embarrassed to ask him for it, so why would he get agitated? Ask him for the money and see what he's like when you do. You can then decide whether to continue the relationship or break up based on that.

Your younger brother was clearly agitated for a reason.

You chose to vent to your brother because you trust him. He could see the facts more clearly than you could, so he was the right person to talk to. He got emotional and scolded you, but he was just trying to help. If it had been someone else, someone unrelated to your brother, would they have gotten so emotional?

It was just a moment of panic. At the time, you couldn't understand, but now that you've had time to think about it, you know how good he is to you. Even if what he said at the time was hard to hear, and you didn't take it well, you shouldn't give up on him.

You must consider all factors when deciding whether or not to break up with her boyfriend. It is not enough to make a decision based on one thing. You need to make an informed decision after a holistic analysis. It is also important to understand the opinions of family members, including the younger brother and parents, so that you make the right decision.

I believe these thoughts can be helpful to you.