Why doesn't he call? I feel uneasy, what's going on?

You're emotionally dependent on him. When he calls every morning to wake you up, it becomes a habit. If you stop or withdraw, you'll feel bad.

But when you say it's not love, but just about getting what you want, it makes me think you're trying to convince yourself not to fall for him. You already love him. This scares you, so you have to convince yourself not to fall in love with him.

But if you suppress it, it will come back. You need to see your true feelings and needs.

You both get what you want. Be honest about what you want from him. Take the initiative so you feel in control. Instead of waiting for him to call, ask him to do things for you. This will boost your confidence.

Of course, talking to him may require you to have a lot of energy, and you may be disappointed, angry, and feel bad about yourself.

The most important thing is to have a good self-image. This takes time and can't be explained in a few words. It's better to find a counselor and work on it slowly.

A strong inner self can handle anything.

Stay strong!

"In recent days, when he calls me a little late, I get a little nervous and concerned, even though I know it's not logical. But when he calls me, I feel at ease...

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1. There's a great quote on the Internet about a guy chasing a girl: If you like a girl, don't lick her like a dog, but keep her at an arm's length. If you keep treating her well, it will become a habit and gradually develop into a kind of dependence.

Then, try to give her some space. It's probably best to avoid calling or sending messages for now. This girl, the chances are that she will come to you, so the success rate of your pursuit will be very high.

If he stops contacting you, it probably means he's not interested, so you can go ahead and give up.

It seems like you're in a relationship where you're more like sexual partners, but from what you've told me, that's not quite right. Otherwise, you wouldn't be so indifferent about whether the other person calls you or cares about you. It seems like your main goal is just to satisfy your physiological needs, which is totally understandable!

Have you taken the time to think about whether you truly don't like the other person? Or is there still a little bit of a hazy feeling, and you just don't want to admit it?

"Every day he'll call me to wake me up and stuff, but I don't really love him that much, and I don't want to marry him, either. We're just getting what we want out of the relationship, which is totally fine!

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2. It seems like you're getting what you want, and you're not in love with her, and you're not sure if marriage is for you. It might just be a phase! Are you playing with him, or is he playing with you?

I just don't think this "sex partner" relationship is the best idea. It can be a bit irresponsible towards both parties, and also towards your next relationship. You can enjoy your happiness once or many times, but maybe don't talk about feelings?

I just wanted to say that when it comes to relationships, it's really important for both people to be clear about their attitude.

You've got yourself in this pickle, and you're hoping someone will come along and help you out of it. It's like setting yourself on fire and expecting the fireman to put out the flames.

I just want to check in with you and make sure you're thinking about what you're doing. Are you sure you're not looking for trouble?

It would be great if you could be a bit clearer about what you want. It's so important to be in control of your own life.

Hello, dear question asker!

I saw your question on the platform, and I totally get where you're coming from. You said you just want to feel secure without affecting your current life and studies. It seems like you don't really think you care about the other person, which is totally understandable!

Take a moment to reflect on your relationship.

1) It seems like you and your colleague have developed a bit of a sexual relationship, and now he's also pursuing you, calling you every day.

But you don't feel that you love him that much, nor do you want to marry him. It seems like you just want what each other wants, which is totally understandable!

But in recent days, he has been calling a little late, and it's only natural to feel a little nervous and concerned. Your mind will feel much more at ease when he calls you.

2) It's possible that you're in a sexual relationship and have slowly become dependent on each other. You might not realize it yet, and you're not quite ready to be with him long-term. But in your daily interactions, his presence still affects you to some extent. Otherwise, how can you explain that you panic when he doesn't call you or calls late? This is an emotional reaction that is generally only found between lovers.

3) You two should talk about whether or not you want to be together officially. You can have a good talk about it. Even if you don't want to be together anymore, you should make it clear. It's better to not be together for no reason like now, because it can make you feel insecure.

I really hope my answer helps! Sending love to you and the world ?

Hello, host!

From what you've told me, you're already a great person! When he doesn't call, you can take the time to do something you enjoy and give yourself a sense of security.

First, take a look at the outside world. Ask yourself why you need him to give you a sense of security.

I know it can be tough to decide whether you want this sense of security or if you want his care. We are all adults and have our own space and things to do, so it's important to remember that.

From what you've told me, it's clear that he cares about you and wants to check in on you. That's a wonderful thing!

I'm really curious: why are you still feeling insecure? Have you been in a similar situation before?

Secondly, take a look within yourself. The five abilities of love—emotion management, expression of emotions, empathy, permission, and influence—are a complete system that works together to support you. If you prioritize one ability over the others, you might not get the full benefit.

Take a moment to look within and discover the path to happiness. You'll find that happiness is not gained by changing the other person. It's gained by allowing the other person to be imperfect, accepting the real other person, growing yourself, and learning to get along with the real other person.

Happiness is something you have to find within yourself. Look within to find it.

Then, pain often comes from a lack of love. When he doesn't contact you, you panic and feel unloved. But when he has time to contact you, you feel that you are missed and cared for, so you feel at ease. Is that right?

Have you ever thought about reaching out to the other person? Most women are a little passive at first because they understand men's curiosity.

I really hope the man will contact me first. When you have the ability to love, you may not think like this.

One is external attribution, the other internal. One requires the outside world to change to adapt to oneself, while the other is willing to understand the outside world and change oneself to adapt to it.

Finally, take a moment to think back to your relationship with your parents. Did they give you a sense of security?

In our family of origin, there are two sets of relationships that have the greatest impact on our ability to develop and maintain close relationships. The first is the relationship between us and our parents, and the second is the relationship between our parents. Does this sound familiar?

We all make mistakes when it comes to expressing our emotions. Sometimes we keep them inside, which can be really hard. When we don't let our emotions out, we can end up feeling frustrated and angry. It's important to remember that suppressing our emotions doesn't help anyone. It only hurts us. On the other hand, we also make mistakes when we express our emotions in a way that is full of accusations and complaints. This can hurt the other person and make things worse.

Emotional communication is the best way to communicate in an emotional relationship without hurting anyone. You say you don't love him, you just want what you want. Is that really true?

Or are you afraid of being hurt? It can be scary to face our emotions head on, but it's so worth it! Why not take the initiative for once?

I'm so happy if my response is helpful to you! You're also very welcome to follow me and check out more of my responses.

Hello, question asker.

You want to make yourself strong through your own efforts.

You want to feel secure through your own efforts, rather than through an intimate relationship with a man.

Right?

Awareness is the beginning of growth. First, give yourself a pat on the back for your self-awareness and self-reflection!

I'd like to know more about your upbringing and attachment pattern.

We can start with your close relationship with your colleagues to help you do some

Let's do a superficial analysis.

There's a saying in psychology:

It's a simple fact that the physical distance between people determines the mental distance!

For example, there is a close bond between a mother and her child, between a husband and his wife, and between brothers and sisters (children growing up in a family).

They're close because there are no boundaries.

Or the boundaries are not clear.

You developed a sexual relationship with a colleague.

You made it clear that you didn't love him much, but you were in a relationship with him anyway.

This inevitably makes people wonder:

Do you like him? Or do you like the sexual bliss he brings you?

If you have a certain attachment to him,

This is an emotional need.

You must be aware of your emotional needs.

If he is the most important person in your life,

I want to know what kind of person you can relate to.

You need to feel secure on your own.

You must understand who you really are.

Your character traits and attachment patterns, for example,

Cognitive characteristics and communication patterns are also important.

Your self-esteem and how you are perceived by others.

In addition to this, you must also consider:

Tell me, what emotions do you have towards your family of origin?

Tell me, what emotions do you feel towards your family of origin?

Tell me about your relationship with your mother.

Tell me about your relationship with your father.

Tell me about your relationship with your caregivers.

Tell me about your relationship with your parents.

Tell me how your early family environment shaped your character.

You have accepted having a sexual relationship with a colleague.

Tell me what makes you feel insecure again.

If there is no relationship, how do you feel secure?

If you want more effective help, you should definitely consider finding a professional counselor to be a mirror and take a good look at yourself.

You've got this. I'm here for you at 1xinli, and I'll keep supporting you every step of the way.

Good morning,

A mature relationship is one that does not burden the other person. It seems that as the overlapping area of your lives increases, you are unable to establish a deeper trusting relationship, which may be the main reason for your feelings of insecurity.

It might be helpful to take a moment to analyze the situation.

It might be helpful to consider the nature of the relationship in question. Is it a professional one, between colleagues who are not intimate partners? If so, there may be some overlapping roles and responsibilities.

It would be beneficial to gain a deeper understanding of the level of intimacy in the relationship.

It would be beneficial to ascertain the safety index.

Our understanding and perception of a healthy and safe relationship is based on having all the information. Such a relationship can make both parties feel more secure and be able to make choices that are beneficial to their emotional direction. It is like a cup of refreshing good tea, which will not miss the previous stages of sieving, moistening, and waking up the tea. The same is true of a relationship, which needs to establish an initial understanding, sincere interaction, patient waiting, and other stages of emotional establishment. Such an intimate relationship, when interacted, will not make people feel rejection, unease, anxiety, etc.

How might one go about extricating oneself from an insecure intimate relationship?

It would be beneficial to confirm boundaries.

It is important to remember that as long as adults are able to take responsibility for their actions in an emotional relationship, it will not pose a major problem. As previously mentioned, if colleagues remain just colleagues and neither party wishes to deepen the relationship, they can maintain the boundary of a colleague relationship and develop into a "sex partner." It is also worth noting that as long as the other party does not have a family role and if the other party wishes to do so, as long as they respect and maintain their respective boundaries, they do not need to bear other responsibilities.

If the other person has already started to "break the rules" and wants to develop another intimate relationship, it would be best to show sincerity and honesty, and express your true thoughts from the heart. This way, you can gain a better understanding of the other person's true thoughts and make a decision that aligns with your heart's wishes.

[It would be beneficial to communicate well and stick to the bottom line of principles.]

It is possible that the other person's actions may be driven by goodwill, despite the questioner's inner unease. However, as they also involve a working relationship, there is a risk that the other person's pursuit may not succeed, leading to a breakdown in communication and a potential loss of mutual respect.

It would be beneficial for all involved if you could communicate well, express your true inner thoughts without hurting the other person's self-esteem, and stick to your respective bottom lines. This is a way of acting that is generally considered mature.

It might be helpful to accept yourself and try not to rely too much on the outside world for a sense of security.

It is also possible that this phenomenon reflects two different starting points. Some people may seek an intimate relationship in order to gain love, while others may want to feel loved and therefore want an intimate relationship. Could this be the case for the questioner?

Perhaps the most secure way for a person to feel is to look inward, as relying on external sources of security may carry an inherent risk of loss.

I hope this finds you well.

Hello!

Host:

I'm Zeng Chen, a heart exploration coach. The poster seems afraid of losing control.

The poster has also expressed his distress and sought help, which will help him understand himself and rebuild his sense of security.

Next, I will share my thoughts, which may help you see yourself differently.

1. Where does your insecurity come from?

The poster feels lost and uneasy when the other person in their relationship doesn't call. After reading this, I also feel the poster's keen awareness and desire to rebuild their sense of security. This is really good.

Many people can't do this.

To rebuild our sense of security, we need to know where our insecurity comes from.

Our sense of security often comes from our upbringing, education, and social environment. Our relationship with our upbringing is the most important factor.

The original poster can review and explore these aspects.

2. Adjusting unreasonable perceptions

Many people feel uneasy because of their caregivers.

When we were young, we needed our caregivers to survive. This can mean material or emotional support. Often, caregivers can provide for our material needs, but neglect us emotionally.

If we don't feel loved, we feel neglected.

If we can't feel this, we will feel uneasy and fearful. If the nurturer doesn't take care of us, we may not survive. We will feel uneasy and anxious.

The educational environment and social culture also play a part. For example, being excluded, experiencing violence at school, and living in a patriarchal society can make us feel insecure.

These are our experiences. Why were we so uneasy? Was it because we couldn't take care of ourselves?

Now that we're grown up, we see how our caregivers raised us. We may realize they didn't know how to love us. They tried their best.

When we realize we are grown up and can take care of ourselves, will we feel less uneasy?

3. Take care of yourself.

Psychology says the best way to grow up is to take care of the child inside us. What does this mean for the original poster?

The child may be unable to take care of herself. How do we help her grow up and build her sense of security?

We need to learn to nurture ourselves again. Imagine if the original poster were a mother. What would you do if you found your child scared, worried, uneasy, and afraid?

Would you calm her down? Would you tell her she's safe?

Will you protect her?

With such companionship, will our inner child grow up slowly?

Will she feel more secure? She has gained understanding, support, love, and acceptance.

Rearing ourselves again helps us rebuild our sense of security.

I hope these are helpful and inspiring to you, the original poster. Rebuilding a sense of security takes time, space, and learning.

If the host has questions, they can click to find a coach. Coaches provide one-on-one communication, companionship, and growth.

You want to control some things, but you can't. You can't control whether the other person calls, the weather tomorrow, or whether the 48-hour nucleic acid test will be checked for travel on the subway today. These external factors are beyond our control.

If someone wants to control everything, they will inevitably experience psychological unease. Focus on what you can do and these feelings will decrease. Think about it.

You and he have developed from colleagues to sexual partners, which means that each takes what they need. There is also a TV series called "Each Takes What They Need" in Mexico. Everyone is an adult and understands. He is also pursuing you now, but you are not completely tempted.

You don't love him with a passion that borders on obsession. You have needs, physical and psychological. You crave being pursued and admired by others. The other person calls you every day, which has become a habit.

If he suddenly stops being enthusiastic and passionate and doesn't call, you will feel uncomfortable. A certain blogger has already presented this kind of pattern through video. In fact, you have nothing to be uncomfortable about. After three or four days, he will either continue to pursue you or you will be fine.

You will get used to it because you can't control everything. This unease is normal. Don't deny or reject it. Resist nothing. To feel safe, focus on what you can do, like the present. Ask him or talk to a heart exploration coach about recent events. Stay centered.

ZQ?