Why is it that when you live with your parents, you always stay up late on purpose, but when you live on your own, you can go to bed early?

Hello. I'm a listener at Yixinli.

You're self-disciplined and have a good habit of going to bed and getting up early. Believe in yourself!

You said you couldn't go to bed early or wake up early at your parents' house because they annoyed you. Perhaps it was their nagging or parenting that made you feel like they didn't trust you. You could have done it without them, but they felt you needed them to say it.

It can make you angry.

Can you move out and live on your own?

It's good to live and work on your own at 23. You can become independent and start a family. Our parents' family is our parents' family, and our own family is our own family. When we grow up, we have to form our own family. So, since you can manage yourself, why not move out and live on your own?

It's not bad to live your own life.

If it's been a while, go home and visit. It's nice to buy your parents a present. Having your own life is happy. Your parents will feel relieved to let you handle your own affairs. Maybe they won't nag you.

I feel uncomfortable living with my parents because we're from different generations. They think I'm still a child, and I think they think they can control everything.

It's up to you. Do you want to leave home and start a family? Or would you rather stay with your parents? You have to decide. I'm just sharing my own experiences.

It's normal to feel irritated with your parents. All children feel this way at some point.

OK, thanks for asking. I love you. Think about why you're annoyed. It's normal to be annoyed at home.

Hello, question owner! I just wanted to give you a big, warm virtual thumbs-up!

You're young, and it's not easy to be so self-disciplined, so it's worth maintaining it for a long time.

You mentioned that when you live alone, you're really good at self-discipline and go to bed and wake up early. But when you're home with your parents, you stay up late because you don't want them to say, "Wow, you got up early again." It's hard to understand why you don't want to hear that. Is there something wrong with wanting to avoid hearing your parents exaggerate and say you got up early again? Do you feel like you're getting praise and sarcasm from your parents at the same time?

You say you're revising for the interview, but you're not sure if you should practice in front of your parents. I totally get it! It can be tough to show your parents how hard you're working to find a job and how challenging it can be.

Or what would your parents say if they saw you practicing for the interview? I'd love to know what they think!

It's only natural to like the affirmation, praise, and compliments of others. I'm sure you can handle your parents' praise just fine! It's something you should really look into. The others aren't very important.

You're facing a job interview, and you're wondering whether it's better to prepare at home by yourself or go out alone. Whatever you choose, just remember that you've got this! First, get that job offer, and then you can settle down.

Oh, my dear friend, I just want to say that I love you so much!

Dear Question Asker,

From your description, it is evident that you are aware of the factors that influence your actions. The reason you refrain from going to bed early or getting up early when living with your parents is that you do not want to receive praise from them for these behaviors.

"I am curious to know how you feel when you hear this. Why do you not want to feel this way?"

When one lives alone, one has a very regular routine and one's life is very organized. Now that one is looking for a job, one does not want one's parents to hear one practicing one's interview at home.

One might inquire as to what precisely is perceived by the parents when they hear their child speak or engage in certain behaviors.

These thoughts are based on past experiences. During one's formative years, parents often adopt a more critical and discouraging stance, which can leave a lasting impact.

You adhere to the notion that "an open mind leads to progress, while pride leads to falling behind." Consequently, you are apprehensive that praise and encouragement may foster arrogance.

It is therefore evident that the encouragement and praise you desire from your parents will not be forthcoming, and that you will instead experience further discouragement. This is the reason you avoid them, namely because you do not wish to expose yourself to further criticism.

The individual in question harbors a profound apprehension regarding the prospect of receiving criticism from their parents. Conversely, they experience a sense of disillusionment when they anticipate encouragement from the same source. Criticism from parents can even instill a sense of doubt about the value of life itself.

☘️Am I truly as flawed as I perceive myself to be? Given the futility of attempting to alter your subjective assessment, I might as well concede in your presence. Nevertheless, regardless of my efforts, you will persist in ignoring me.

"Then I will comply with your wishes. I will do precisely as you instruct. Are you gratified now? You are powerless, so what else can you say?"

Indeed, your actions may be perceived as a form of retribution, albeit indirect. If your parents are unable or unwilling to facilitate your happiness, you may resort to actions that ultimately lead to their unhappiness.

It must be acknowledged that you are impeding your own progress. During our formative years, we relied on our parents for guidance and support. However, as we mature, we gain the capacity to navigate life independently.

In your description, you have a clear understanding of yourself and are therefore able to discern that you are not what your parents say you are. You have the potential to be great!

Have you ever sought to ascertain the details of your parents' upbringing, including the educational and familial influences that shaped their development? Have you explored the dynamics of their current relationship with their parents?

Do they engage in frequent disagreements when confronted with the use of incorrect terminology? It can be reasonably assumed that the educational experiences they underwent during their formative years have shaped their approach to your upbringing.

The manner in which they expressed their affection for you was not in accordance with your expectations.

One can gain insight into one's parents' past by engaging in discourse with them about their childhood experiences, attempting to vicariously experience their emotions at the time, and articulating one's own feelings to establish empathy. Subsequently, one can narrate one's own experiences and express one's sentiments to one's parents.

Such an approach will facilitate a deeper understanding of the familiar nature of your feelings. It will also encourage reflection on the educational experiences and the ways in which love is expressed.

The more profound the love, the more rigorous the criticism. Due to their genuine desire for your well-being, they will challenge you at every stage of your development.

It is recommended that one attempt to communicate with the individual in question, rather than attempting to change them. There is a well-known saying in psychology that states, "Whoever suffers, changes!"

One should endeavor to alter only those elements of one's circumstances that one is able to modify; one should accept those that one is unable to alter. It is not the events themselves that cause distress; rather, it is one's perception of them.

It is important to recognize that thoughts are merely thoughts and do not necessarily reflect reality. Parents should...

It would be beneficial to communicate more about one's feelings.

It is my hope that this response has been of some assistance.

I would like to extend my sincerest congratulations.

Hello, I am Fly, your mindfulness coach.

You feel an inexplicable "irritability" towards your parents. When you live on your own, you can be yourself and do whatever you want. But when you live with your parents, even though they don't say or do anything, you still feel uncomfortable inside. You will "strike first" and deliberately do things like stay up late to "prevent" your parents from saying or doing things that upset you.

?1. See your positive motives through your actions.

This "deliberate" behavior may cause discomfort for you, such as staying up late or "acting" in front of your parents. At the same time, it damages your relationship with your parents, as they cannot see the real, sincere side of their child.

Show your child the love and concern you once did.

However, there is always a positive motivation behind the behavior. Think about what need satisfaction you are trying to achieve through these "escapades."

It's likely to be one of two things: independence (independent space/independent personality/independent thinking), or a desire to gain the trust and respect of your parents (you are already an adult, and you deserve to be treated as an equal in terms of personality, and not like a child).

Every behavior needs to be placed in a specific time frame to be meaningful. You must remain aware to see it. When you see it, you have the right to choose, and change will happen quietly.

?2. Speak up and communicate with your parents directly.

Your deliberate intention to make you aware of your wrongdoing and the internal conflict you feel is preventing you from being at peace in the present.

Parents love their children the most and are also the ones who understand and accept them the most. However, too much love and attention can lead to overlooking the fact that the child has already grown up and needs a relatively independent space.

You can communicate with your parents in a straightforward manner, expressing your feelings and opinions without reservation. Mom and Dad, I am 23 years old and an adult. I expect to be treated as such.

Meet each other's needs within the limits of each other's abilities. Tell your parents you want to be left alone and not paid too much attention to. Take the initiative and ask for their help when you need it.

Listen to your parents and understand that they love you in their own way. Meet their needs within your abilities by not hiding your joys and sorrows and by not hiding or suppressing your emotions.

Interpersonal conflicts and problems in family relationships are often caused by our inability or unwillingness to communicate. Chinese people, in particular, are reserved in their emotions and are even more reluctant or unable to express them directly.

I am confident that the above will be helpful to you. The world and I love you.

If you want to continue communicating, click "Find a coach" in the upper right corner or at the bottom. I will communicate and grow with you one-on-one.

Good day.

The question you have raised is one that stems from a process of life observation, and it is this very process that is helping us to gain a deeper understanding of ourselves and to gradually emerge from a state of confusion.

At 23 years of age, you are no longer a child who requires supervision from your parents. You have your own thoughts and ideas, and you need your own space to consider what to do and how to do it at your own pace.

I am gradually maturing from within.

It appears that your parents' attention will be focused on you.

My objective is to provide them with a sense of ease while also ensuring they feel relaxed and at ease.

It is important to learn to express yourself.

I have received all the care and attention that I could possibly require. Furthermore, I am doing my utmost to create my own happiness.

I hope you can demonstrate tolerance and understanding regardless of my decision.

At times, your gaze makes me feel pressured. As the adage goes, "excessive care can cause chaos."

I am confident that I can effectively manage my time and future plans. I would appreciate your trust in me.

It is not uncommon for parents, particularly mothers, to experience separation anxiety. This can also affect their children.

It would be beneficial to allow the child to believe that adapting to social life without the care of their parents will be challenging.

The questioner has experience living alone and is interested in learning more about the specific arrangements.

It is particularly beneficial for adults to share their experiences of independence.

Furthermore, there are individuals in this group who are interested in hearing about your experiences.

It appears that an interview is imminent.

Maintain a positive outlook and approach the situation with confidence.

We can provide advance notice of your parents' expectant demeanor.

As an alternative, you could present your mother with a bouquet of flowers and suggest that she focuses on her own appearance. This should help to reduce the pressure you feel.

Your kind and sincere nature is commendable. I hope you are able to pursue all of your interests.

Dear question owner, I extend my sympathies to you from a distance. I comprehend and empathize with your situation profoundly.

From the description of the text, it can be seen that the questioner is a young person who is very self-disciplined, has high standards for himself, and strives to improve. In comparison to his peers, he exhibits a rare and commendable good habit, which is worthy of praise.

Nevertheless, in the presence of their parents, they are reluctant to exhibit the self-discipline they typically display and occasionally engage in behaviors that they themselves find perplexing. It would be beneficial to engage in discourse on this matter.

(1) Psychological State

1) Adolescent Rebellion:

Although twenty-three years of age may be perceived as an advanced age, the individual in question is still within the adolescent developmental stage. During this period, adolescents often engage in rebellious behaviors, including those directed towards their parents.

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2) The process of maturation necessitates the development of self-esteem.

The questioner believes he has reached adulthood and desires to present his best self to his parents. He is reluctant for them to witness his less than ideal behavior, which is a reflection of his self-discipline and strong character.

3) Parents have unrealistically high expectations.

It is possible that your parents have high expectations of you in terms of your academic performance or in general, and are very strict with you. This is a common phenomenon that can lead to psychological pressure and a fear of being criticized.

4) The sense of rejection as a defense mechanism

An automatic defense mechanism against nagging parents may manifest as a sense of rejection. Regardless of whether this is a positive or negative phenomenon, the desire may arise for parents to say less or to refrain from speaking altogether.

It is recommended that the following be taken into consideration: parents are, after all, elders, and it is therefore reasonable to assume that they should not be unhappy about their words and deeds. As the adage goes, "all parents love their children."

(2) Practical issues

1) The competitive nature of the real world has led you, who is self-disciplined, to prioritize your self-esteem and the image you project to others.

2) That is, the objective is to accommodate one's parents' work and rest schedules and strive for consistency in order to minimize the impact on each other. This demonstrates a filial disposition.

3) The assumption is that this is related to the degree of harmony in the relationship with the parents in the original family. However, the OP did not introduce this point, so it can only be assumed.

In essence, from the perspective of one's parents or elders, one will always be regarded as a child. Their affection for the individual remains unwavering, and they are prone to expressing concern about the child's well-being, both in the present and in the future. Indeed, as parents, they would prefer to hear about the child's growth and to share in the positive and negative experiences of the child. They may even engage in planning for the child's future. It is possible that, due to the lack of reciprocal sharing on the part of the child, the parents become increasingly concerned about the child's welfare. However, they may be reluctant to inquire about the child's well-being directly. Over time, the parents' own perceptions and attitudes may also undergo a transformation, and they may refrain from directly asking the child about their well-being. Instead, they may resort to indirect forms of communication, such as quietly expressing their concerns behind the child's back or offering praise in front of the child. These observations are not uncommon and are to be expected within the context of normal familial relationships.

It is not that parents feel discomfort; rather, it is that they have developed a distinct set of knowledge and habits over the course of their lives. Could it be that they themselves are the ones experiencing discomfort? It is possible that they have accumulated a multitude of experiences and perceptions, which they now process through a lens of bias and preconception.

It is advisable to establish a regular communication channel with one's parents and to keep them informed about one's activities and experiences. It is important to convey to one's parents that they are a source of pride and that one is experiencing some degree of distress. Regardless of the nature of the communication, it is crucial to emphasise that one is valued by one's parents and that one has become a significant contributor to the family unit. This is the foundation for sharing positive experiences in the future. As one matures and establishes one's own family, one will gain a deeper appreciation for one's parents' intentions.

There is no cause for embarrassment. From the perspective of your parents, you will always be a child, and they will want you to remain in their care indefinitely.

It is my hope that the aforementioned responses prove beneficial to the individual who posed the question.

My name is Peiwen, and I am a listener on the Yixinli platform. I extend my love and best wishes to you and the world at large.