Why is there a psychological reason behind feeling incompetent and self-handicapping?

Hello, I think you're feeling anxious because you're preparing for the postgraduate entrance exam. You're doubting yourself and feeling negative about yourself. Hugs to you.

Why do we doubt and negate ourselves?

1. Setbacks make you feel inadequate. You doubt your abilities.

2. Doing something that doesn't achieve the desired effect (self-doubt) -> feeling that one's perception of oneself is biased (is one different from what one imagines oneself to be?) -> denying one's own abilities and judgment (self-denial)

3. Doing something without getting feedback or response -> feeling that people don't like you -> thinking that you are not worthy of love -> denying your own abilities and value.

It may be a lack of ability or self-confidence. When people encounter difficulties, they often doubt themselves.

Self-denial can motivate people to reflect and make progress. For example, by examining yourself, you can discover your position, realize you are in a low state, and need to make progress and break free from existing constraints.

But can you change and improve yourself if you lack ability?

This will lead to a dead end. You encourage yourself to escape but doubt you can. You fall into a cycle of repeated struggles and become sensitive and depressed.

My advice is:

[1: Don't focus on the result, just do it step by step] Sometimes you just want to do something right away. Do what you want to do today. Don't focus on the result, just do it. The key to not being distracted is to pay attention to every detail in the present moment. It's simple to avoid being distracted: put down your phone and just do it. Don't focus on getting a result. If you think about whether you will succeed every day, you will only be doing useless work. You can make a plan and complete it on time every day. Time will show whether your efforts bear fruit.

[2: Escape the abyss of self-doubt] No matter what you do, there will always be things you don't like. Keep trying, practicing, and making progress.

Life is about fighting against yourself, your emotions, and your weaknesses. Only when you overcome your negativity will you not be overwhelmed by emotions and suffer.

3: Be brave and don't think too much. Do what you want to do right away. Don't spend too much time on preliminary preparations. Don't be afraid of doing a bad job. The future is unknown. No one knows what the future holds. It's just that each person makes different choices, leading to different results. The person who takes the step forward will have successes and failures.

But even if you fail, so what? Do what you want to do while you're young. You'll be fine.

I hope this helps. I wish the questioner would get over his anxiety and go for it!

I hope this helps. I wish the questioner would get over his anxiety and go into battle!

Good day, questioner!

Thank you for raising this interesting point.

I'm delighted to share my thoughts with you.

I'd like to open the floor to discussion.

1. Perhaps it would be helpful to gain a deeper understanding of our psychological defense mechanisms.

In our daily lives, we may find ourselves seeking ways to alleviate psychological conflicts, eliminate anxiety, and better adapt to the environment. When faced with some problems, we may employ various methods to overcome our difficulties and restore psychological balance and stability.

For instance, one might say, "If something hasn't even started yet, you already feel that it's difficult, that you can't do it, or that you've already come up with an excuse for failure." I believe this could be an example of rationalization in psychological defense.

It is not uncommon to find reasons to justify oneself and comfort one's mind when a certain goal cannot be achieved. Similarly, one might also find excuses to cover up one's actions and unwillingness to admit the truth.

I believe that "rationalization" can be divided into three categories.

There are a few different approaches to dealing with these situations. One is to accept the situation and move on. Another is to recognize that there are two sides to every story and that not everything is always as it seems. Finally, there is the option of taking responsibility for one's own actions and being open to learning from the experience.

"I'm concerned that I may not succeed, and I believe the competition is quite intense, so it may be challenging for me to find my footing in my first year."

I believe these may be excuses or justifications.

It is worth noting that psychological defense mechanisms can also have positive aspects.

2. Perhaps it would be helpful to reconsider the concept of procrastination.

You inquire as to whether procrastination may also be associated with self-hindrance.

There are so many articles about procrastination, and I believe that everyone has the capacity to choose when and how they act.

It is worth noting that even the most procrastinating person experiences a strong urge to act when it comes to the things they like, such as eating something they enjoy or going out to play.

It is natural for us to procrastinate on things we don't want to do or feel stressed about, and for outcomes that may be challenging to face.

If we take the time to understand the underlying motivation behind our procrastination, we may find ourselves with a range of new options.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider whether the thing you always procrastinate on is something you truly want to do, or whether it is something others want you to do or something you feel you should do.

I wonder if I could perhaps stop doing it.

If it is unavoidable, could you kindly elaborate on the potential positive and negative outcomes?

We are prepared to face it, and we are hopeful that when we do it again, it may be a little different.

3. With regard to self-hindrance:

It is not uncommon for our thoughts to limit us unconsciously.

When we view ourselves from a somewhat inflexible perspective, we may inadvertently hinder our own growth.

They may feel that they are unable to succeed, or that they will be unable to overcome any obstacles they may face.

When we have cultivated a growth mindset through awareness, it becomes much more challenging to hinder ourselves.

People with a growth mindset tend to believe that abilities can be developed and are open to assessing their current level.

Rather than simply stating that they are unable to do it,

People with fixed mindsets are driven to ensure their own success and may be reluctant to embrace the possibility of failure.

Growth-oriented people tend to view failure as an opportunity for valuable learning and growth. They tend not to define themselves by their failures.

They tend to be more focused on the process than the result.

I believe that when we develop a growth mindset, those self-hindrances can gradually dissolve without our noticing.

If you feel so inclined, please share this.

I would like to suggest a book I have found very helpful: Lifelong Growth.

Ultimately, the only person who can prevent us from growing is ourselves.

Even if someone has previously expressed doubt about our abilities, we may still internalize that as our own belief.

When we become aware of these negative perceptions, we can choose to stop them.

Hello!

I'm really sorry I couldn't get back to you sooner.

I hope I'll be able to reply to you by the time you arrive.

You mentioned procrastination, but from what I can see in your message, it doesn't seem to be a major factor.

So, what exactly is it? Without passing judgment on your situation, let's first understand "low self-esteem."

People with low self-esteem often feel like they're not as good as others and think they don't deserve success or what they want. They doubt themselves and feel inferior when things get tough.

There are usually two ways to handle low self-esteem.

First, you can try to gain some self-confidence by working on your sense of self-satisfaction through achieving small goals or ideals to boost your self-esteem.

The second option is to try to change how you see yourself, others, and the outside world. You can do this by gaining new experiences and relationships with objects. This will help you to build new internalized relationship models, which will gradually change your level of self-esteem.

If you think your situation is similar to the low self-esteem described above, you can try the two methods mentioned above to make adjustments.

I know it's been a while since I responded, but I hope you find this helpful.

Wishing you all the best in life and for all your dreams to come true!

Hello! You have a "sense of awareness" and can see your own patterns. This is already changing, and I applaud you!

Let me give you a warm hug first! There are always more than three solutions to everything!

First of all, everyone has their own amazing patterns! These include gratitude and complaining, internal consumption and internal cultivation, and optimism and pessimism.

Our ancestors built a program into our brains that makes us focus on dangers and deficiencies. This is out of a need for safety. But what if some people have enough security that they can avoid focusing on dangers and deficiencies like our ancestors did? And what if the purpose is no longer to live in the jungle?

This is why there are optimists! With material satisfaction, improved living standards, and a growing sense of security, our genetics have transformed in exciting ways.

And the great thing is that pessimism and optimism differ in terms of time frame, uniqueness and universality, and behavior and traits!

Pessimists:

Pessimist:

1. They embrace challenges as opportunities for growth and see the good in everything!

2. They embrace challenges as the norm and celebrate the good things as the exception!

3. When it comes to achievements, they believe it's all down to doing something right. They don't think talent has anything to do with it! And when it comes to mistakes, they believe it's simply because of a lack of ability or human problems.

The opposite is true for optimistic people!

1. Sees challenges as temporary and opportunities as long-term and permanent.

2. They view challenges as unique and extraordinary, while embracing the good as the norm.

3. I believe wholeheartedly that I have the abilities I need to succeed, and I give myself recognition for my achievements. Mistakes are just accidental events that have nothing to do with my abilities—and I'm excited to learn from them!

There's absolutely nothing wrong with being optimistic or pessimistic. And if it's affecting your studies, work, or life in general, you can absolutely change it through deliberate and intentional practice!

Procrastination is also a pattern. It is an excuse for rationalization in the brain, a kind of hypocrisy, a permanent resistance to freedom, a sense of powerlessness, and a contradictory state of wanting to do something but not doing it. But you can change it!

There are so many reasons for procrastination! Some people are afraid of failure, while others are just perfectionists. Some people rebel against the status quo, while others just lack energy.

Seeing that you have a choice is the first step to making a change! Maintaining this awareness is like seeing that there is a fruit knife on the sofa and not sitting on it.

You can absolutely change or improve if you see your own patterns! Having choices makes you more free, so embrace them!

I really hope this is helpful!

I really hope this is helpful!

Hello landlord, I am confident that my answer will be of some help to you.

I always feel like I can't do it. I feel like I'm going to fail before I even start. This is a negative psychological suggestion, a lack of self-confidence, and a sign of a lack of inner strength. We feel like "I can't do it" and we "hold ourselves back" because of our life experiences. We encounter certain things and after these things, an internal "limiting belief" is formed within us: "I can't do it." According to attribution theory, if we always attribute failure to internal, stable, and uncontrollable abilities, then we will develop a sense of learned helplessness.

Think about your own growth experience. Have you felt the same way when encountering certain things in your life? Go back as far as you like, but start with the time when you first developed this limiting belief. This will help you better understand yourself and see the reasons for this negative belief. At the same time, understand that this belief will not always affect us. If we are willing to change our beliefs, we will present different behaviors and results.

From a psychological standpoint, positive beliefs and positive psychological suggestions have a profound impact on people, as do negative beliefs and negative psychological suggestions. In short, beliefs have a significant impact on people.

This is supported by many experiments.

For example, the "learned helplessness" experiment conducted by Professor Martin Seligman, the father of positive psychology.

Seligman put the dog in a cage from which it could not escape and installed an electric shock device inside. The electric shock could cause the dog a certain degree of pain, but it would not harm the dog's body.

As soon as the bell rang, the experimenter gave the dog an unbearable electric shock. During the experiment, it was found that when the dog was first shocked, it would struggle desperately to escape from the cage. However, after continuous efforts, it was clear that the dog could not escape by struggling on its own. As a result, it gradually reduced the degree of struggle.

After many experiments, they put the dog in another cage, which consisted of two parts separated by a partition. The partition was high enough for the dog to jump over easily. One side of the partition had an electric shock, while the other side did not.

When the dog that had undergone the previous experiment was placed in this cage, it was clear that it had learned to give up. After the bell rang, instead of fleeing to the side without electric shocks, it fell to the ground moaning and trembling in pain before the electric shocks even started. This is a textbook example of learned helplessness.

In an experiment, a dog placed in a second cage has the ability and opportunity to avoid an electric shock. However, almost none of the dogs in the experiment do so. Instead, they lie on the ground and endure the shock. This shows that they believe they cannot break free from the shock. They cannot see the opportunities and their own abilities hidden around them.

There is another famous experiment in psychology called the "hope experiment."

In 1950, the experimenter placed 12 mice in each cup of water to determine their survival time. The average survival time was found to be 15 minutes. The experimenter then selected 12 more mice. When they were about to sink, the experimenter rescued them one by one, dried them, let them rest for a few minutes, and then returned them to the water. These mice could survive in the water and struggle for 60 hours.

From 15 minutes to 60 hours—that's a miracle. Why did the subsequent lab rats persist for so long?

They have an inner belief that as long as they keep trying, they will definitely be rescued. And they were right! They created this miracle.

This is the power of belief. We are all the same, and our beliefs shape our reality. When we have positive beliefs, we bring positive influence. When we have negative beliefs, we bring negative influence.

I have taken the teacher certification exam three times, and it has confirmed what I already knew: belief has a significant impact on me.

I took the exam in my fourth year of university, preparing for both the postgraduate entrance exam and the teacher certification exam. I registered for both because I planned to become a teacher. However, the second round of interviews for the postgraduate entrance exam and the teacher certification exam were scheduled on the same day. It was a tight schedule, but I was determined to take both exams. The teacher certification exam was in Yichun, Jiangxi, and the postgraduate entrance exam's second round of interviews was in Nanjing. It would have been challenging to take the teacher certification exam first and then the postgraduate entrance exam. I was focused on acing both exams.

I decided to stop wasting my time on the first teacher certification exam, which was a complete waste of my time. I also told myself, "I'm going to be a college teacher anyway, and I probably won't be able to use this certification anyway. Since I got a good score on the preliminary exam for graduate school, I'll do well in the interview and have no problem getting into graduate school."

I did get into graduate school, but I still had to take the teacher certification exam. Graduating with a master's degree doesn't meet the standards for teaching in a college or university. You basically go to primary or secondary school to teach, and you still need a teacher certification. I started to register again, but I didn't believe in myself enough to pass. I was too busy with experiments, I was still doing my doctorate, and I wasn't sure if I wanted to teach in a primary or secondary school. I didn't get the three subject certification until I graduated from graduate school, and I still failed.

Later, I got married and had children, and I decided not to pursue a doctorate. I also realized that I wasn't suited to teaching in a school. However, I knew I wanted a "teacher's qualification certificate," and I was determined to get it. While taking care of the children and doing the housework, I signed up for the teacher's qualification exam. This time, I took the exam on the basis of having obtained the second-level certificate of a psychological counselor. I understood the importance of positive beliefs, so I adjusted my beliefs and believed that I would pass. A miracle really happened. I made time to review for the exam and stuck to my plan of studying every day. After washing, mopping, and grocery shopping, I listened to lectures and recited the material. I believed I could do it, so I tried every means to complete my plan, review, and work hard.

I passed the written test and the interview with a very high score at once, fulfilling my own wish.

Belief is crucial. Adjust your beliefs, change your thinking, encourage and hint at yourself with a more positive attitude and stronger belief, and you will break this self-impeding cycle.

You've got this! Best of luck!

Hello. From a psychological perspective, it seems that you have a negative belief called "I can't do it." Whenever you encounter something slightly difficult in life, this belief of yours seems to come into play, making you underestimate yourself, hindering you and preventing you from performing at your normal level.

If you could, please take a moment to recall how this negative belief of yours came about. For example, what difficulties did you encounter when you took the high school or college entrance exams?

It is possible that not getting into the university you wanted or not achieving your goals may have led you to believe that you are unable to succeed. Please recall at least three incidents and think about what you thought and did at the time.

If I may, I would like to suggest that we take a moment to reflect on your childhood memories. Perhaps you had a parent who was overly indulgent, providing assistance with even the simplest tasks, like tying shoes. When you were unable to master this skill, you may have felt a sense of inadequacy, particularly in the presence of your peers. This could have led to the formation of a belief that you are unable to accomplish certain tasks.

When we reflect on how negative beliefs are formed, we can see that they often stem from past experiences. However, with the benefit of hindsight and the wisdom that comes with age, we can choose to re-evaluate ourselves and embrace a more positive outlook. What are the things I can do?

If you would be so kind, please make a list of 10 or more. Then, we will work together to negate the negative training of the past and replace it with new positive beliefs.

I hope your life will be filled with positive experiences.