Why worry about what others say? How can one waste time on such matters?

Hello, question asker. I can see that you're feeling a bit confused right now. I'm here to support you!

I believe what you are experiencing now are some growth issues. Please accept my warmest regards.

I believe you may be preoccupied with what your mother-in-law said to you, and it's possible that this is due to past experiences where you felt hurt by others.

As a result, you may find yourself becoming increasingly paranoid about what other people say to you.

It would be beneficial to address the issue as soon as possible.

Otherwise, the negative experience will likely persist unless addressed.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider that these experiences may have been suppressed into your subconscious.

If I might make a suggestion, when you encounter the same person, thing, or object again, it's possible that the same experience will be reactivated.

It would be beneficial for you to seek the guidance of a professional counselor, who can help you address the hurtful experiences you've had in the past.

Once you have done that, you will be in a better position to deal with what others say to you in a more objective way.

I truly hope that the issue you're experiencing can be resolved as soon as possible.

At this time, I can only think of these things.

I hope my above answer is helpful and inspiring to you. I am the respondent, and I study hard every day.

At Yixinli, we extend our warmest regards to you and the entire world. Wishing you the best!

It is important to recognize that the situation has actually come to a conclusion. However, it is not uncommon for individuals to periodically reflect on the event, analyze it, and pass judgment on it. This can lead to a reinforcement of the event and one's feelings, which can then be repeated over time.

It is important to note that events that have already occurred are in the past. There is no benefit in dwelling on past events. It is necessary to accept the past and move forward.

Furthermore, it is not within our power to control how others perceive us. Each individual has their own perception and limitations. The other person's opinion is merely their subjective judgment of people and things within their scope of perception. The "me" that the other person sees is not the real "me." How I am is not defined by the other person, so there is no need to take other people's opinions seriously.

At the same time, it is important to allow others to have their own opinions. This is also a form of acceptance of others. Can I interfere with them being themselves? It is similar to the question of whether I need permission from someone else to be myself.

It is important to allow for a diversity of voices and opinions, but ultimately, I reserve the right to decide whether or not I am influenced by them.

I have long been curious about the fragility of the relationship between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law. It is inevitable that there will be disagreements in life. However, the dynamics between these two parties often result in significant emotional distress. I believe that expectations play a pivotal role in shaping the nature of this relationship. When expectations are not met, it can lead to feelings of disconnection and a sense of being "hurt." Upon reflection, it becomes evident that these feelings often stem from unfulfilled expectations. This realization is crucial as it suggests that we often impose expectations on others, without fully understanding their needs and expectations. In my opinion, this is a significant contributing factor to the challenges observed in these relationships. We tend to have preconceived notions about how things "should" be, without fully acknowledging the unique circumstances and needs of the individuals involved.

We have the ability to meet our own expectations. We have the right to take care of our own sovereignty, and we should not project it onto others. Attempting to do so is likely to fail. We cannot guarantee that our own lack will be someone else's abundance, and we cannot guarantee that others will be able to provide us with the exact amount we need at the exact time we need it. He also has his own rights, does he not? Therefore, it is very important for us to take back our own sovereignty.

It is essential to prioritize self-care, emotional well-being, and emotional intelligence. By doing so, individuals can cultivate happiness and confidence.

Dear Sir/Madam, I hope my answer proves useful to you. Best regards,

After carefully reviewing the original poster's description, it is evident that the primary challenge is navigating her mother-in-law's expectations. As a daughter-in-law, I can relate to the nuances of this dynamic. When I first married my husband, I also placed a high value on my mother-in-law's opinions. Despite occasional misgivings about her advice, I still sought to adhere to her guidance. It is understandable to be influenced by such a relationship, and I believe this is a common experience among daughter-in-laws.

After a period of adjustment and personal growth, I am now better equipped to handle my mother-in-law's words and actions. Our communication has also improved significantly. Consequently, I am more confident in our relationship. While I am aware that she approves of me, I understand that she has her habits and ideas.

In light of the above, my advice to you is as follows:

1. Attempt to comprehend the rationale behind your mother-in-law's conduct, identify her requirements, and, if feasible, endeavor to fulfill them.

It is often the case that we only see a person's behavior, but there is a reason behind it. For example, your mother-in-law may say, "No one is happy all the time. Everyone has bad days," and then tell you that she can tell when you are happy or not. This indicates that she actually wants you to like her, because what she means is that she wants you to listen to her happily.

It is unclear why she wants you to listen to her happily. Without knowing the specifics of her remarks, it is difficult to ascertain her intentions.

As an elder, she undoubtedly hopes that you will respect some of her advice. What is her ultimate goal? Is it that she hopes you can take care of yourselves?

Is she attempting to share her own experiences?

My mother-in-law frequently made demands of us. After she finished speaking, she would often say, "I told you to listen!" I initially resisted, feeling that she was negating me and accusing me of incompetence. I later attempted to understand her actions, to identify her needs and motivations. It became clear that she lacked trust in our ability to take care of ourselves. She was concerned that we would make mistakes, that I would not be able to manage the household and care for our family.

As our relationship progressed, I made significant strides in my ability to perform household tasks and sought her guidance on occasion. She frequently commends my efforts in the presence of family and friends, noting my versatility and proficiency in various tasks. This is a testament to my ability to meet her expectations, which has led to a reduction in her need to intervene.

2. It is possible to express your true feelings and hopes to your mother-in-law. Only sincere communication can facilitate the development of the relationship.

It is evident that you place a high value on your mother-in-law's opinion of you. Given the length of time you have been dealing with this issue, it is likely that you care deeply about her perception of you. It is therefore important to express your feelings. By doing so, you will likely find that your relationship with her improves.

You can inform her that her comments have caused you to experience a range of emotions, including a sense of conflict and worry. You can express your desire for her approval and acknowledge your concern about her opinion of you. You can also mention that, while you recognize that you occasionally experience negative moods, you are actively working to control your emotions. Additionally, you can share that you are striving to learn how to adjust your behavior and hope for her understanding.

Subsequently, you may wish to extend an invitation to your mother-in-law to express her genuine feelings and thoughts, and ascertain her needs. It is important to remain impartial and refrain from making any judgments or accusations throughout the process. Instead, the objective should be to understand and accept her perspective. Failure to do so may result in the emergence of new conflicts.

It is inevitable that there will be occasional disagreements between a daughter-in-law and her mother-in-law. However, if there is open and honest communication, it will become apparent that the mother-in-law is willing to express her true feelings. This will enable a better understanding of her thoughts and opinions, which will in turn help to avoid misunderstandings.

3. It is recommended that you identify methods to release your emotions in order to regain composure and stability.

I believe that your mother-in-law can discern your emotional state with relative ease. This suggests that your emotions are prone to significant fluctuations. One reason for this may be that we often fail to channel our emotions effectively.

When experiencing emotions, it is important to acknowledge them rather than suppressing them. Identifying the root cause of the emotion, such as why you are feeling angry or uncomfortable, is crucial for understanding your true feelings.

What needs have not been met? Is the current situation the source of the issue, or is it a result of past experiences?

It is only when we are aware of our emotions that we can identify our needs and desires when they arise. In this case, the current dilemma is mainly due to a lack of understanding and recognition from your mother-in-law, which is the underlying need behind the emotions.

To address this issue, we can approach it from two perspectives. The first is to directly communicate to your mother-in-law that you require her understanding and recognition. The second is to develop self-awareness. From a psychological perspective, if we fail to recognize ourselves, we may project our feelings and thoughts onto others and believe that they do not recognize us. Therefore, it is possible that your mother-in-law does recognize you, but you lack self-awareness, leading you to believe that she does not recognize you. However, if you recognize yourself, even if others do not, you will feel at peace because you will know that you are complete.

In addition to being aware of the causes of emotions and using methods to meet your needs, there are also many ways to relieve emotions. One such method is keeping a mood diary, in which you write down your worries. This process allows you to sort out your own thoughts. If you keep writing in your mood diary, you will become more and more stable. Another option is talking to a trusted friend about your feelings and thoughts. This provides a different perspective and support and encouragement. You can also engage in sports you enjoy. Exercise can help you release stress, make your body produce dopamine and endorphins, and make you feel happy.

The aforementioned information is for reference only. I wish you the best of luck.

Hello, host. I saw your description and I get where you're coming from. These days, it's tough to find a way to bridge the gap between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law. Sometimes, a simple unintentional remark can make someone feel uncomfortable and lead to all kinds of associations. I hope my sharing can give you a little inspiration...

Let's talk about why you have these thoughts.

It's not the event itself that affects our emotions, but how we perceive it.

American psychologist Ellis came up with the ABC theory in the 1860s. It basically says that it's our thoughts and feelings about something, not the event itself, that cause our negative or positive emotional and behavioral responses.

How should we interpret it? Here's an example:

WeChat is one of the most commonly used chat tools. One day, we sent a message to our best friend, but he didn't reply immediately. We might think, "If we interpret it as the other person doing it on purpose, we might block him and not be friends anymore." Or, we might think, "If we interpret it as the other person not seeing it, then we might calmly wait for the other person's reply." Or, we might think, "If we interpret it as the other person encountering something, then we might call and ask."

This shows that we all think differently and interpret things in different ways, which leads us to make different decisions.

Now that we've looked at some psychological issues, let's think about how to handle the relationship between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law.

We've probably all heard the saying, "The speaker doesn't mean any harm, but the listener takes offense." It might seem like a simple thing, but it can come across as unusual to someone else.

The relationship between a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law often depends on the husband. If the mother-in-law does something that is not quite right or is not quite appropriate, the husband should stand up for her. He has two roles at this time: that of a son and that of a husband.

Often, the key to the relationship between a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law lies in how the husband communicates with both women.

If you have any issues to resolve with your mother-in-law, it's best to talk to your husband and let him mediate.

That's my take on it.