Will delayed gratification make people feel suffocated, and is it really helpful?

Good day, questioner. I am pleased to have the chance to respond to your query.

From your question, it seems that you are uncertain about whether delayed gratification is a benefit or a disadvantage. You cite the ability to exercise endurance and tolerance as benefits, while citing the rapid pace of change in society as a disadvantage. In the current era of rapid change, individuals must adapt to a world where new things arise frequently. If they delay gratification, they may struggle to adapt to this rapidly developing society. Many people advocate for instant pleasure and living in the present, which seems logical.

The question of whether to choose delayed gratification or instant gratification is a challenging one. There are conflicting considerations and a lack of clear guidance.

In my view, both delayed gratification and instant gratification have their own merits. There is no absolute right or wrong, but both require a certain degree of moderation. The key is to be able to assess the appropriate level. Furthermore, different individuals will make different choices in different situations. The decision is made when the situation arises. In other words, each situation must be analyzed individually.

I must commend you for posing such an open-ended question that requires in-depth analysis. It is evident that you are a person who thrives on critical thinking. Well done! You may also benefit from consulting this platform for insights from other individuals who have considered these matters carefully, which may provide new perspectives.

I commend you for your thoughtful approach. Keep up the good work. By continuing to think critically and expand your knowledge base, you will undoubtedly become a highly intelligent individual.

Dear

Your question is really interesting and thought-provoking. It's interesting because whether or not to adopt delayed gratification is a personal choice, just like in the "cotton candy experiment." Motivation determines action. To say it's meaningful is to elevate delayed gratification to the level of self-cultivation and examine its role.

The concept of delayed gratification was first explored by American psychologist Walter Mischel. It's essentially about having patience in our daily lives, but with a clear goal in mind. That goal is to gain more enjoyment after successfully achieving a goal, while restraining one's desires and giving up immediate temptations.

Once you've made a choice, delayed gratification is usually a matter of deciding how patient you want to be. It all depends on your willpower. As you mentioned, this could even come down to whether you'll suffocate yourself.

We don't yet know how much control we have over our bodies. Most people agree that our minds can do amazing things, but it's also really hard to push the limits. You need to be in control of yourself, and you have to be in the right situation at the right time. For example, in an earthquake, an injured mother saved the lives of those around her with her own blood. In a war, soldiers froze themselves into ice sculptures in the snow and ice to hold their positions. These are all examples of things that go beyond what we normally think is possible. But they were all active choices made while the people involved were conscious.

As we mentioned before, whether or not you'll give in to temptation depends on how strong your desire is for the goal. But no matter what the situation is, you have complete control over whether or not to continue. In other words, whether or not you'll give in is your choice, not something you have to passively endure.

Delayed gratification is just a method, a strategy in the process of pursuing our goals, not the way. That means it's up to us to decide whether to adopt it and how to use it.

It's the evaluation and measurement of goals that gets us to think about delayed gratification. If that goal is just something we want on the side, then do what you can and live in the present. But if that goal is really important to you, then follow your heart.

Kiss Kiss, I have read your confessions and I understand your confusion. Let's talk about the possibilities together!

1. Undoubtedly, recent years have seen a surge in celebrities advocating for delayed gratification. Zhang Yiming of ByteDance is a prominent example, emphasizing the significance of delayed gratification. This has led to an exaggerated perception of delayed gratification, with many believing it enhances one's ability and endurance.

2. Delayed gratification can be cultivated. It is possible to deliberately cultivate it when you are a child.

You undoubtedly know about the delayed gratification experiment where children are given sweets and told to wait a while to be rewarded with more sweets. The ability to delay gratification is influenced by genetic factors and is not always effective with practice, especially when you are young.

Practicing delayed gratification for long-term goals is a surefire way to cultivate success.

3. We must consider how to view delayed gratification rationally and when to use it.

Delayed gratification also depends on the specific person. For basic human needs such as eating, drinking, going to the bathroom, sleeping, etc., you must respect the objective laws and satisfy them in a timely manner when conditions permit. Do not deliberately suppress them, unless you plan to practice asceticism.

However, you can take the long view and not seek instant success or instant benefits for a sense of accomplishment in work and career. Long-term benefits are often more gratifying.

This is for reference only. Thank you.

Good day, I am writing in response to your question.

You have posed a thought-provoking question.

There is no definitive answer to this question, and individual perspectives may vary.

I would be pleased to discuss this with you further.

Correct delayed gratification does not result in negative feelings.

In my view, there is a widespread misunderstanding of delayed gratification.

As with the well-known marshmallow experiment, which has been used as a classic experiment on delayed gratification and has had a profound impact.

Subsequent research has identified a number of factors that influence the results.

To illustrate,

If we consider two children, one who is provided with a high level of material comfort and support, and the other who faces significant challenges in their relationship with their parents and a persistent concern about their basic needs being met,

A marshmallow experiment with these two children reveals that the latter will more readily opt for instant gratification.

It is understandable why some individuals prioritize immediate benefits.

There are also practical considerations.

We are discussing the general case here, and I believe that if delayed gratification is done correctly, it will not have a negative effect on people.

To illustrate,

Some younger individuals are not inclined to pursue gainful employment; they prefer to engage in leisure activities.

However, this is not currently feasible.

Therefore, I am obliged to attend work each day. Could relaxation after work be considered a form of delayed gratification?

Although there is no immediate gratification, working eight hours a day to provide for oneself financially and to feel valued is a more conducive approach to a better life.

It is important to consider the potential consequences of not working for a single day. While there may be an initial sense of satisfaction, it is likely that the long-term impact would be detrimental.

2. When is it appropriate to live in the present and when is it necessary to delay gratification?

My personal view is that it is possible to live in the present and to delay gratification simultaneously.

This may seem implausible at first.

However, it is.

It is a common misconception that living in the present means instant gratification.

The ability to live in the present is a state of mind.

I recently came across a fascinating book entitled The Game of Desire.

The book provides an illustrative example:

A smoker who has been smoking for a significant period of time may experience a sense of imminent discomfort if they do not smoke again within a short timeframe.

The author inquired if there were any particular circumstances in the subject's life where smoking was not permitted.

The patient indicated that when taking a long-distance flight,

The author proposes the existence of an inverted U-shaped curve.

For individuals with nicotine addiction, it is important to be aware that the half-life of nicotine is two hours. During this period, it is crucial to maintain focus and determination to overcome the urge to smoke.

Although these two hours may present a challenge, they offer a valuable opportunity to utilize mindfulness in a way that does not involve giving up craving, but rather, living in the present and experiencing one's own feelings.

By employing these techniques, the author has assisted numerous individuals in successfully quitting smoking and preventing relapse.

There is no inherent contradiction between living in the present and delayed gratification.

It is a common misconception that living in the present and delayed gratification are mutually exclusive.

What is required is not self-control, nor is it to refrain from action, but rather to gain clarity of vision.

It is important to be able to distinguish between the fleeting satisfactions we believe we are getting and whether or not they are actually beneficial to us.

3. Adapt your approach to suit your needs.

The choice between delaying gratification or seeking instant gratification is a personal one, and there is no one-size-fits-all solution.

Ultimately, it is up to the individual to decide which approach is best for them.

For instance, I opt for delayed gratification, which is a more comfortable decision for me.

To provide a straightforward example:

I find the process of answering questions to be challenging, particularly given the time constraints and the level of difficulty involved.

I tend to prefer viewing brief, tranquil videos.

Subsequently, I will view brief videos once I have completed the aforementioned tasks.

This approach has enabled me to complete the assigned task and derive satisfaction from it.

Please share these insights.

I hope that more colleagues will participate in this discussion.

Good day. From your description, it is evident that you are somewhat perplexed about the concept of delayed gratification.

The notion of delayed gratification has been posited as a means of enhancing an individual's capacity for self-control and resilience. However, concerns have been raised that this approach may potentially lead to feelings of restriction and suffocation.

Conversely, one may also perceive a prevalent advocacy for the practice of living in the moment and following one's heart's desires. However, the distinction between when to delay gratification and when to embrace the present remains unclear.

Delayed gratification does not necessitate deliberate action.

It is not necessary to deliberately delay gratification against one's will in order to exercise one's abilities and endurance.

This does not contravene the concept of living in the present; therefore, there is no cause for concern regarding the possibility of being "stifled."

In the case of ideas that can be achieved immediately and do not harm others, it is possible to satisfy oneself generously and immediately, and to enjoy every moment.

However, in our daily lives, if we are eager to complete some tasks or eager to obtain the desired results but fail to achieve them, we must learn to accept the current outcome and confront reality.

It is important to acknowledge that achieving a goal or reaching a desired outcome may not be possible immediately. This is a fundamental aspect of reality. However, it is crucial to recognize that this does not imply that the goal is unattainable.

It is simply a matter of allowing oneself additional time for reflection and practice, as well as greater time and patience.

Consequently, upon the completion of a task through one's own efforts and the achievement of the desired result, an improvement in terms of ability, endurance, and mental strength will be evident.

It is imperative to respect one's feelings, accept oneself, and embrace a flexible approach to life.

When individuals begin to respect their own feelings and accept their true selves, their lives become more harmonious, dynamic, and fulfilling.

When circumstances are favorable, it is possible to adhere to one's emotional impulses, place trust in them, avoid creating unnecessary difficulties for oneself, and engage in self-gratification when the opportunity arises.

Similarly, when we are confronted with adversity and experience feelings of frustration and self-blame for our inability to achieve a desired outcome, it is essential to accept and be kind to our imperfect self.

Affirm to oneself that it is acceptable to take one's time.

The ultimate secret to happiness is to seek instant gratification and to live in the present, while simultaneously allowing and accepting one's own imperfections.

Delayed gratification establishes boundaries for oneself.

In the event that one finds themselves in the company of individuals who are inclined to demand immediate satisfaction and become angry or even violent when their demands are not met, it is possible to employ appropriate delayed gratification as a means of establishing boundaries with one's interlocutor and of conveying to them the manner in which one wishes to be treated.

Similarly, when interacting with others, it is essential to respect their boundaries and provide them with sufficient time and autonomy to make their own decisions.

I am sending you my best regards.

Hi,

I'd like to share some information I've learned and my personal views on delayed gratification.

[1. We still don't know what the "benefits" of delayed gratification are]

Many people say that the benefits of delayed gratification actually come from a classic "cotton candy experiment."

The researchers put a marshmallow in front of the kids in the experiment and told them that if they could resist eating it for 15 minutes, they would get two marshmallows. Then they left the kids alone in the room. Some kids ate the marshmallow during the 15 minutes, while the others made it through the 15 minutes and got the reward.

Based on this experiment, it seems that delayed gratification means getting a greater reward over time. However, some follow-up studies have linked delayed gratification to more "life achievements."

For instance, kids who did better in the experiment ended up doing better on the college entrance exams, in terms of their educational achievements, and in terms of their body management. It seems like getting double marshmallows means becoming a "winner in life."

However, as time goes by and research methods become more diverse, some researchers have expressed different opinions on this result. For example, a replication study in 2018 found that children's performance in the experiment did affect their test scores at age 15, but the correlation was weaker than that found in the original experiment.

It seems that the long-term impact of "delayed gratification" may not be as significant as we originally thought.

[2. Delayed gratification is more of a "style" than a "standard" of behavior.]

There's no one-size-fits-all answer here. It really depends on the person and their own personal choices and behaviors, which is to put it simply, their character traits.

As a general rule, delayed gratification isn't just about wanting to do it. Past research shows that genetics account for 57% of people's ability to delay gratification, while the remaining 43% is influenced by people's upbringing and life experiences.

If someone feels like they can't delay gratification without feeling overwhelmed, it's not a matter of ability or willingness. It's just that this model isn't suitable for that person.

[3. What can I do if I'm set on delaying gratification but it's not working for me?

If you're determined to reap long-term rewards and delay gratification but encounter short-term temptations along the way, try to think about the objective attributes of the temptation, especially its impact on your goal.

Let's say you want to eat fried chicken during your weight loss journey, but you're tempted by the smell, texture, and taste. It's easy to order it without thinking, which can derail your diet. In this case, it's helpful to describe the fried chicken from an objective, abstract perspective. Think about the color, crust hardness, oil usage, and calorie value. Then, calculate how long you'd need to run to offset this intake.

Think this way to avoid the temptation of fried chicken.

Another way to do this is to focus on the future. Future time perception is how you see your own future. People who have a good sense of what the future holds and know what they want to achieve in the long term are often more able to wait for things.

This means that when you think about the future, it can help you resist short-term temptations and focus on what's important in the long run. For example, when you're trying to lose weight, imagine what your life will be like after you succeed. You'll be healthier, save money on medical expenses, have a more proportional figure, be able to wear nice clothes, and receive compliments from others.

[4. The most important thing is to find a behavior pattern that works for you.]

We've talked about the benefits of "delayed gratification," but there are also times when "immediate gratification" is the way to go. For instance, if you're set on sticking to a plan that's not going to work, it might be worth switching to a goal that will bring you rewards sooner rather than later.

This means we need to figure out if the plan will really get us the two marshmallows at the end before we start, and to give ourselves the option of getting off the bus halfway through.

Once you're sure the plan is worth pursuing, just stick with it.

Genetics and the environment play a role in determining whether or not you can delay gratification. Once you become an adult, your ability to delay gratification tends to stay pretty consistent.

If you have a high capacity for delayed gratification, great! Resisting temptation is a breeze for you. But if you have a low capacity for delayed gratification, don't beat yourself up or feel guilty. There's nothing wrong with that. Second, be prepared mentally. Admit that you will probably be tempted and prepare corresponding measures to help you persevere.

It's much more reliable to be honest with yourself than to dwell on what you think are your shortcomings. Even if you think of them as flaws, you can make good use of them.

Let's say you want to lose 30 pounds in six months. If you're someone who wants instant gratification, you need to break the big goal of losing weight into smaller, time-specific, quantifiable, and easily achievable goals. For example, you could lose one pound a week. You also need to be specific about how you eat and exercise every day. Then, give yourself an instant small reward for each completed small goal. For instance, you could have a meal with something nice one week after eating strictly, and give yourself a day off after a week of hard work. By constantly accomplishing one small goal after another, you will eventually complete the big plan.

It doesn't matter if you're talking about delayed gratification or instant gratification. The first step to becoming a better person is recognizing and accepting yourself.