Worried about bothering others and it's affecting your social life?

Those who are fearful of causing inconvenience to others:

Greetings!

Upon encountering this topic, I was prompted to compose a letter to you. I have observed a considerable number of students exhibiting similar characteristics at the university where I am employed. These individuals often undertake numerous tasks independently and exhibit a reluctance to seek assistance. When they do request help, it is typically only when all other options have been exhausted. They frequently perceive a sense of obligation to do so and experience feelings of guilt for disturbing others.

Once a task is completed, the individual may lack the capacity to express gratitude to others, leading to repetitive thoughts on the matter.

Fortunately, you are aware of yourself and have discerned that your personality has affected your social life. Additionally, you perceive a lack of close friendships. Based on the aforementioned information, it can be inferred that you are not a person who expresses emotions to a significant extent. Over time, you may have developed an attitude of not troubling others and have also closed your emotional world, becoming inured to communicating with the outside world. Is this an accurate assessment?

You stated that when you speak in a live class, you consciously attempt to limit the amount of time you consume from the teacher's perspective. This indicates an assumption you hold about yourself. Initially, you perceive yourself as a person who occupies the time of others, thereby deeming that time as not belonging to you. Why do you believe this time is not yours?

An additional possibility is that the teacher disapproves of students listening to the questions and answering them. The students may feel that their responses are inadequate or unwelcome and wish to conclude the interaction as soon as possible. In such instances, the students may experience feelings of unease, being singled out, and panic.

Additionally, you have indicated that when you encounter another individual, you perceive yourself to be excessively uncertain and subsequently reject them. What, then, is meant by the term "uncertainty"?

If the source of uncertainty is related to one's home, job, family, or the city where one lives, this is a different matter. However, if the uncertainty is internal, it may be beneficial to engage in introspective reflection.

It is possible that you are uncertain about your own desires. Regardless of the cause of this uncertainty, you were prepared to meet before the blind date. However, after meeting, you feel that the uncertainty is too great. Could this be an example of an inferiority complex?

Does the subject lack confidence in their ability to interact with others in a positive manner? Alternatively, is the subject concerned that the other person may not reciprocate their feelings, and thus feels the need to reject them in order to protect their self-esteem?

I have some concerns as I write this. Will the act of asking you so many questions make you feel uncomfortable? It is often the case that individuals prefer to avoid looking at themselves because doing so causes them distress.

It seems plausible to suggest that you are reluctant to form close relationships. This is because, in the theory of self psychology, an excellent friend is known as 'the other self', which implies a high degree of similarity between the inner selves of two individuals.

If we delve more profoundly, I am compelled to inquire whether you experience feelings of solitude when you are by yourself. Do you perceive yourself to be isolated?

Do you experience a sense of helplessness when confronted with challenges?

The allotted time is nearly expired. In a brief moment, I will have posed a multitude of inquiries. It is my sincere hope that I will receive a response.

An individual who is curious about another person.

The date is March 22, 2022, at a late hour.

Hello, I'm Shu Yacheng, and I'm thrilled to share my thoughts and give you some warm support!

Are you always worried about troubling others because you are afraid that they will dislike you? Well, don't be! Hug!

You are amazing! You are able to be self-aware of your inner feelings and needs, you are able to keep learning, and you are brave enough to seek help for your own growth.

01. When you realize that you need to trouble others for help, you subconsciously consider others first and give up your own feelings and needs. It seems that this is unfair to yourself. But there's a way to make it fair to yourself!

Have you ever considered what an amazing opportunity it is to think about the consequences of your actions on others? What are you worried about?

Second, think about this: what parts of the help you seek can you do independently through your own thinking? Have you ever thought that the troubles you consider troublesome, such as asking questions, are actually a good way to interact?

02. Psychological research on the "mirror self effect" has some fascinating insights! First, we imagine how others "perceive" us. Second, we imagine how others "evaluate" us based on that perception.

And in the end, we will develop a certain emotion based on how others "know" and "evaluate" us, and this emotion will dominate our perception of ourselves!

In essence, this is an incredible opportunity to surrender your joys, sorrows, anger, and fear to the control of others. You get to want others to be responsible for your emotions, or conversely, you get to want to be responsible for other people's emotions. You even get to force yourself to do things you don't want to do for the sake of pleasing your parents!

And this will undoubtedly affect the way you build relationships with others!

03, have you noticed that there is always a voice inside you that is asking you to be a "good" self and not a "bad" self?

You must be sensible and not selfish!

You can be wise, not foolish!

Be true, not false!

Be brave! Don't be timid!

So, we often fall into conflict and division between the "person I want to be" and the "person I actually experience myself to be."

It's like saying that the day is good, the night is bad, spring is good, winter is bad, being happy is good, and being sad is bad!

If we are not aware of these two parts of ourselves, it will exacerbate the split in our self, causing us a lot of conflict, fatigue, and internal depletion. But there is a way to avoid this! We can simply become aware of these two parts of ourselves. When we do, we will find our integrity again!

04, at this moment, I invite you to take a long, deep breath, look intently into your own eyes in the mirror, and say to yourself, with excitement and confidence, "

Hello! I see your face, real, natural, ordinary but unique. I also see your inner self, with parts that are inferior, but I also see parts that are confident.

I see some of your vulnerability, and I also see your courage!

I see some of your unease, and I also see your calm!

I see some of your worries, and I also see your relaxation!

I also see that there is so much more within you...

I see every amazing part of you!

My dear, I see you!

When we can reflect back to ourselves every part of the different truths like a mirror, something amazing happens! Our whole being relaxes and calms down, and a wonderful sense of peace arises within us.

This is how we can develop the amazing ability to skillfully connect, communicate, and interact with the so-called "bad" self, and see the positive intentions and motivations behind his or her actions!

Instead of rejecting either party, let the two coexist harmoniously in the same space! They'll gain contributions, complementarities, and resonances from each other, becoming a complete self. This will bring about a more energetic transformation in our lives and relationships!

In all good relationships, there must first be a stable self-awareness that allows one to love oneself well — and it's so worth it!

And the best part is, the help you seek is also affecting others to see their own feelings and needs! Believe in yourself, you are a unique individual, and you deserve the help of others!

The world and I absolutely love you and are so excited to help you!

I'm a psychotherapy coach at One Mind, and I'd love to chat with you further! Just click "Find a Coach" in the upper right corner or at the bottom, and we can talk one-on-one.

Hello. I can see your worries from your description. Before discussing this issue, I want to give you a big hug to show you I'm here for you and to give you some warmth and support!

You're not the only one who feels this way. Many people, including me, feel the same way. You're independent and assertive. You're also seen as capable.

Your independence and strength are what make you unapproachable. You don't want to cause trouble for others, and you don't need anyone. You're self-sufficient. That's why people don't approach you. Friends are there for each other. They help when others need it. That's the value of having friends. It's simple: mutual needs bring friends, and mutual help makes friends.

You should try to cause a little trouble for your friends and be willing to be troubled in return to maintain a friendly relationship.

I'm sure you have good friends you've been with for a long time. Think about how you did it, and use that experience to find new friends.

These are my personal views, for reference only. Take care of yourself.