Would I strongly resist if a regular friend wanted to become a close friend?

You have your own view on how friends get along and how relationships evolve, and it's a great one! You may prefer to have friends who are not clingy, friends who are just like gentlemen's friends, who chat occasionally or go out together occasionally.

Not everything needs to be said, and not everything needs to be done! You can already see your current state: you long to remain casual friends, which is great because it means you're both comfortable with the situation. Otherwise, you would be very resistant, and that's not the case here!

Maybe you value small favors and think they're a sweet thing. But, they might also make you feel a little uncomfortable. This could be a sign that you're craving more certainty in your life! You've already shown a strong aversion, which is great!

Perhaps the other person also needs to respect this, so that both of you can achieve the kind of state you want. If the other person instead wants to take it further, perhaps you will hate or be annoyed, but you'll also feel excited for the relationship to progress!

This can also indicate a feeling inside you that you really dislike this situation. That's okay! It just means you feel a lot of comfort, you long for your own space, and you don't want to be over-intrusive. If this sense of distance doesn't affect your life, then it probably isn't a big deal. The premise is non-avoidance or just being honest with other people. Come on!

ZQ?

The concept of "social distance" encompasses not only respect for others but also care and protection for oneself. While physical distance is a key aspect of social distance, it is not the only factor. Psychological distance, or the degree of intimacy one is comfortable with, also plays a role. This can be achieved by approaching with restraint and entering with propriety. Additionally, social distance varies from person to person. Each individual has a unique level of control in social situations. For some, an ordinary friend may be able to understand the intricacies of the inner life and accept certain levels of intrusion into the private mind. However, for others, even their parents may be reluctant to share the most personal aspects of their inner life. This illustrates the individual differences in social distance.

The questioner stated that if a casual friend is rejected and becomes a close friend, the psychological and social distance between the two individuals will become very close. This is because close friends often share thoughts, know each other's embarrassing things, and tell each other when they are in trouble. However, this may be uncomfortable or even frightening for some people. Upgrading from a casual friend to a close friend means that the other person is entering your inner space and becoming aware of personal details. If you refuse to let your close friend get this close, the other person may feel misunderstood or experience negative emotions. It is unclear if the questioner has similar concerns.

It is therefore understandable that you would decline the status of close friend, due to concerns that the individual in question may inadvertently breach the comfortable social distance you have established. However, if there are other friends who also require a considerable amount of personal space and are willing to maintain a "light as water" relationship, respecting each other's requirements for psychological and social distance, would you be willing to upgrade them to good friends?

Hello!

I'm a heart exploration coach, and I believe learning is the body's greatest treasure.

From what you've told me, I can see that you're struggling with a lot of negative emotions, including rejection, doubt, confusion, pain, and helplessness.

I'm not going to get into the nitty-gritty of your issues with your friends here, but I do have three pieces of advice for you:

First, I suggest you think back to when you started to dislike closer relationships and what happened at that time.

You said you're okay with your average friends, but you get resistant when they want to get to know you better and develop a close friendship with you. Why is this? Most people want deep relationships. When did you start thinking this way, and what happened at that time?

Is it because you've been hurt by friends who know you well? Maybe they've made offensive jokes about you, so you're reluctant to let someone care about you. Or is it because you're worried that if they get to know you, they'll distance themselves? Do you crave a friendship, so you want to maintain that distance? Or is it for other reasons? In short, you need to figure out why you have such an attitude towards friendships.

You'll only be able to move on from this if you figure out why you're holding back.

I also want to let you know that your thoughts are not unusual. You are not alone; there are others who think and feel the same way. However, you need to take a rational look at your situation and then adjust your relationships with others. You have always rejected others from approaching you, which is a problem.

Second, I suggest you think about the reasons you found and consider them rationally.

Rational thinking helps you understand yourself and reality better.

To get a more objective view of things, there are two things you need to do:

First, it's important to understand that everyone needs a deep relationship.

It's okay if you'd rather have a casual friendship, but everyone also needs a deep relationship because that's the only way we can feel loved and loving.

Of course, this doesn't mean you should open your heart to everyone. You need a few close people to understand you so they can love you well. Then you can experience the feeling of being loved. Everyone has a basic need to love and be loved.

A person's relationships with others are very different and require multiple levels. You need a friend, a light and airy relationship, and also a deeper relationship.

Second, remember that you're not the same person you were before, and neither are the people who hurt you or your current friends.

If you're reluctant to get into a serious relationship because of past experiences, it's important to remember that you're not the same person you were before. The people you know are different too. You've grown up, learned a lot and gained a lot of experience. You're more than capable of dealing with the things you're worried about. Believe in yourself!

If you look at it rationally, you might find that various negative emotions in your heart can be resolved to some extent.

I'd like to suggest that you focus on yourself for a moment and think about what you can do to feel better.

When you think about the reasons you've identified, you may also have some ideas about what to do next. At this point, it's time to focus on yourself and try your best to do a good job.

For instance, if you want to love and be loved, to understand and be understood, you can try opening up to someone you trust. You may find that they don't want to hurt you but are willing to share their personal experiences with you. This way, you can establish a deep relationship with them and feel better.

If you don't want a deep relationship, you can maintain a sense of distance and not be too intimate with the people around you. If they are always overly curious about you, you can also learn to communicate in a "firm but non-hostile" way, which means "I reject you firmly, but I am non-hostile." This way, you can protect yourself and feel better. In short, you need to know that you can adjust the relationship status with others according to your needs.

I hope you understand that it's okay to like the distance in your relationship. But you can't keep a distance with everyone. You need to have a few close people who can enter your heart. That way, you'll feel loved and loving, and you'll be better at handling relationships with others. Otherwise, if you reject everyone from getting close to you, you'll feel lonely and negative.

People need relationships, and relationships include a sense of distance, but also a sense of intimacy.

I hope this helps. If you'd like to discuss further, you can click "Find a Coach" at the bottom and we can communicate one-on-one.

Hello, question asker! I'm so happy to answer your question. From what you've shared, I can see that you're feeling a bit worried. It's totally normal! We all have different personalities, and when we get too close to someone, it's natural to feel a little different from them. Even the closest couples, like fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, will feel this way. It's important to protect your personal space, respect your own personality, and be independent. These are all part of having good mental health.

It's totally normal to feel a bit resistant or even resentful when others try to promote your relationship. It's okay to have a little inferiority complex sometimes! It's natural to want to keep some things private, especially when we're worried that others will see our inner selves. But the truth is, the people who have the strongest relationships with their friends are the ones who are willing to show themselves to them. By doing so, they not only enhance their own influence and appeal, but they also create a stronger bond with their friends.

We'd love to be able to give you more specific measures and suggestions, but we're not sure about your gender and age. If you'd like to change this situation and have in-depth exchanges with more people, we'd highly recommend reading more to broaden your knowledge. This way, you can have in-depth discussions with some insightful people on certain issues and achieve spiritual communication. You can also cultivate one or two hobbies, and unconsciously narrow the distance between people through exchanges of interests and hobbies.

Communication skills can be improved through training. I'm so happy to have met you! 1983. The world and I love you!