Years of continuous failure and regression, how to break free from the negative decline of holidays?

As is widely known, yesterday marked the commencement of the academic year. The majority of students and white-collar workers have already resumed their studies or work. Regardless of the duration of the vacation period, there inevitably comes a day when it ends. Consequently, the reality of attending school or work will persist indefinitely.

One can ascertain whether one has reached a plateau in one's willpower and whether one is implementing changes, despite experiencing repeated failures and setbacks without any indication of success.

A review of your holiday activities reveals a significant amount of time spent engaged in gaming and staying up late. It is important to note that gaming is not inherently problematic. It is a pastime that can be enjoyed by anyone. Without it, how would we establish common ground with others?

The potential benefits of gaming extend to all forms, whether standalone, online, or mobile. However, it is essential to exercise restraint and control the total time spent playing games to avoid exceeding two hours. This allows for the immersive experience of the game characters while maintaining a healthy balance between gaming and other activities.

It is imperative to cease using the computer at the designated time, which is two hours after the commencement of the day. Prolonged engagement with digital games until the early morning is detrimental to overall well-being. It hinders one's capacity to study effectively and to maintain optimal energy levels. It is noteworthy that the individual in question was previously part of an elite class, which provides a compelling motivation for personal growth.

Furthermore, it is essential to develop self-discipline in order to facilitate growth. Excessive gaming at night can lead to disruptive thoughts. It is therefore recommended to seek psychological counseling and to uninstall games such as King or Heroes. It is crucial to prioritize engagement in constructive activities outside of gaming.

Please clarify.

Hello, question asker.

It seems that way. In terms of work and rest, there is a discrepancy between the ideal self and the real self. You want to be consistent with your work and rest, but it's challenging to change. This can lead to feelings of frustration and confusion. Is this a fair assessment?

First of all, could you please tell me what an irregular routine means to you? I ask because staying up late and having an irregular routine is something that happens to me or to people around me. My husband even stays up until two o'clock in the morning, but we don't feel the same anxiety about it as the questioner. So if the questioner is so concerned about an irregular routine, they might like to think about an incident related to "routine" in the past. Some people, for example, have witnessed relatives or friends die unexpectedly because of an irregular routine since childhood, so they have become particularly sensitive to an irregular routine ever since.

It's possible that some people have been told by their family since childhood that they must maintain a regular routine in order to be healthy. This could mean that irregularity in sleep and wakefulness is linked to a fear of death. It might also represent anxiety about being unable to control a certain situation, etc.

I could be mistaken, but it seems that the questioner may benefit from exploring the underlying reasons behind their irregular routine. Many people in modern society have irregular routines, but not everyone experiences the same level of anxiety. It's possible that there's a specific meaning behind this anxiety that's unique to the questioner. It could be related to their upbringing, past experiences, or their relationship with a significant caregiver.

I believe you also mentioned that you currently don't have a clear idea of what constitutes a healthy vacation. Could I ask whether you did have a concept of a healthy vacation before?

Could you please elaborate on what you understand by a healthy holiday?

From your comment that "I was more self-disciplined when I was in school," it seems that you had a relatively regular routine when you were in school. It's understandable that you were very busy with your studies during the week and that you'd want to relax on vacation. However, it seems that you are very strict with yourself, and even on vacation, you want to maintain a regular routine. Could I ask you what the psychodynamic reason behind this is?

Finally, the questioner said that he no longer wants to fight fate. Could you please clarify what this means? Does it mean fighting the routine, or fighting other things as well?

Perhaps what you might benefit from is learning to accept yourself, reconcile with yourself, give yourself a break, and not set such high expectations for yourself. Only by truly accepting yourself, including your imperfections, can you live a little more easily. There is a saying that goes: either change yourself or accept reality; otherwise, you might find yourself facing some challenges.

I believe that a person's true maturity lies in their ability to change what they can and accept what they cannot.

I wish you the best.

Take a moment to hug your friend. I understand how you feel.

From what you've told me, you were a very hardworking student and an excellent one. I don't know what your current situation is—whether you're still in school or have already entered the workforce.

Many children with good grades have a common problem: they don't know what they want. They achieve good grades purely to satisfy the needs of others. They work hard to be the good students their teachers want them to be, the good children their parents want them to be, and the good role models their classmates want them to be.

When you're not being watched or supervised, you're left to figure out what you should and shouldn't do on your own.

It's worth noting that gaming can be addictive, and it's often the case that addictive behaviors are rooted in trauma.

It could be a result of a strained relationship with their parents or a tense parent-child dynamic. It might also stem from difficulties at school, such as a tense relationship with classmates or pressure from a particular teacher. Additionally, children who are addicted to games often feel a sense of control, freedom, and even a sense of belonging that is lacking in reality.

Staying up late often means feeling wound up and excited. People who are generally anxious often have trouble sleeping because they lack a sense of control over their lives and have a lot of insecurity, which makes it difficult for them to relax their tensed nerves at night and fall asleep.

You might want to think about what happened before you started staying up late. What were your feelings like while you were playing games?

What about your relationships with other people and your family? What other things or activities could you do to replace the satisfaction that video games bring you?

I'm optimistic about your future, and I hope you'll meet a better version of yourself soon.

Hello there!

It's so hard to break free from the cycle of addiction to games. We feel so tired and worn out, and we just don't have the energy to fight against our fate anymore.

Let's work together to find a way out of this frustrating cycle of wanting to change but not being able to.

Let's look at it from a psychological perspective. Any event that is "addictive" is really just a process of negative reinforcement. Negative reinforcement is a kind of negative self-motivation mechanism. For example, you can be promoted after beating a certain number of levels, or you can be rewarded with a device, and so on. Under this kind of motivation, we will spend more and more time online, more and more frequently, and our desire will also become higher and higher. Before we know it, we're hooked!

Negative reinforcement is the main reason why we want to change but just can't seem to make it happen.

How can we really make a change? I've got a few ideas!

(1) Build up your self-discipline

Self-discipline is the ability to exercise self-restraint, and it is also a sign of a person's maturity. It's something we can all achieve! To be truly self-disciplined, we must learn to enjoy the process of "delayed gratification."

We can set a goal for the game, play a few times a day, and achieve a certain level in a year or six months. Set an alarm for each game session, and when the time is up, say to yourself, "The exciting part will start tomorrow!"

"

This way, you'll find that you play games less and less often.

(2) Try increasing external control.

If self-discipline isn't working for you, it might be helpful to consider ways to gently encourage more external discipline. You could ask your parents to help you by interrupting your online time and unplugging the network cable regularly.

If you get angry, your parents can say, "Hey, this is a promise between us, and we've got to stick to it, okay?"

It's best to stay away from the Internet. You know, the saying "the best way to ruin a person is to give him a room and an Internet cable" is so true!

This sentence is really important because it tells us that our environment is super important. On the contrary, if we leave a room and the internet cable, we will do more meaningful things.

For example, you can go on a vacation to learn about different local cultures. You can also get a part-time job to learn about society, learn how to get along with others, and appreciate the hard work of your parents. You can even learn sports skills, such as swimming, playing ball games, running, painting, and more!

Why not make a vacation where you don't go online and have things to do?

The questioner can find a method that suits them according to their own situation. That is, find something else that makes you feel like you're in a game and produces flow, so as to dilute the matter of going online to play games.

(3) Positive reinforcement

Hey there! When you play games for less time today than yesterday, treat yourself! You deserve it! And say to yourself, "Today was awesome, let's go watch a movie!"

I truly believe that as long as you have a strong desire to change from the inside, you will be able to face the temptation of games correctly, increase self-control, entertain yourself reasonably, and at the same time have a healthy lifestyle and a healthy body.

I really hope this helps!

Wishing you all the best!

Hello, classmate!

From your description, I can say with confidence that you are not dealing with a serious problem.

You undoubtedly have a demanding need for self-discipline.

Psychologically speaking, your superego is being too strict and trying to control you, which makes your id, which wants to play and relax, feel increasingly rebellious and want to fight against it. This feeling of losing control makes you anxious.

I'll tell you why.

Let's analyze this in detail.

As a child, I was allowed to play games until the early hours of the morning during the holidays. I can say with confidence that I have no concept of what a healthy holiday is.

Play is a child's nature. When they play well at the right age, they're ready to take on the responsibilities that come with adulthood.

Play is a way for children to explore the world. They learn a lot, have a lot of fun, and better perceive and manipulate the things in that virtual world while playing.

Games are beneficial if played well and without affecting learning, life, or physical and mental health.

This brings us back to the issue of playing games, which is what you mean by healthy holidays. We all know that playing until the early hours of the morning affects rest.

So, is going to bed early the solution to this problem?

If you can't do it, don't bother trying.

It's normal because during the holidays, there are no early mornings, no external constraints, and you can arrange your time freely. You think, "This is a rare holiday, time is precious, and when school starts, there will be no more time to play. I'm going to sacrifice my sleep and have a good time and enjoy myself."

It's okay to play more if you want to. Don't be so hard on yourself. Instead of going to bed early every night for five days, you can do it for three nights and stay up later for two nights.

This is how you can maintain a relatively balanced super-ego and id. The super-ego is even gaining a little, so you won't feel self-blame, forcing yourself to be self-disciplined. The result is that the more you force yourself, the more the little voice in your head that wants to play will fight with you.

I was more self-disciplined at school. I was in an elite class and won a gold medal. But during the holidays, I reverted to my old self, the one who indulges in games.

I played games at home every day until the early morning, and my sleep and eating habits were very irregular. I even forgot to drink water throughout the day.

You can be self-disciplined at school. That's great.

This proves you are self-disciplined.

You know when to study and when to play. You can achieve a state of flow when you forget about yourself, both when you study and when you play. This is your strength!

You just need to make a few simple adjustments to ensure you have a good body and plenty of energy for the next day of learning and playing.

Pay attention to replenishing your energy. Treat your thirst as a game element, eat when you're hungry, sleep when you're tired.

It's simple: we have to provide food and rest for the soldiers.

I have been trying to change myself during my holidays for almost six years. I have read books such as "Addiction Recovery," "Energy Management," and "Rest and Stay Away from Work," watched many TED Talks and Zhihu videos about change, and tried many things over the years. I have achieved small results, but I often end up back at square one, or even worse.

You have a strong desire to change yourself, and that's great.

You have persevered for six years, you have not given up, you have read many books and helpful materials, and you have achieved some results. This proves that your overall energy is upward.

You may not have taken care of yourself, you may be under a lot of stress, you may want to relax more during your vacation, and you may be critical of your self-indulgent games. This is likely why it caused such a strong backlash.

Stop criticizing yourself. You'll see what a difference it makes.

It was 4:30 a.m. when I asked the question, and I had stayed up late for longer than usual. I was filled with despair and confusion, and I even had thoughts of ending this confused life, but I was determined to keep going.

I've tried everything I can think of to get out of this state. I'm tired of fighting against my fate.

It's only 4:30 a.m. You've only done this occasionally, so it's fine.

Prolonged staying up late will affect your body's functions and your willpower will weaken. You may even feel desperate.

You're tired because you've been fighting the whole time!

Stop criticizing yourself. You're doing great! Gradually improve, give yourself some freedom, and follow my method above to give your mind some flexibility. Don't hold it down too tightly. Otherwise, it will either be unable to move because of the pressure, or it will build up strength and spring up, leaving you in a mess.

First, set a big principle for yourself: have a good time during the holidays and study hard when school starts.

Set a small rule: "three days of fishing, two days of drying the nets." Use three days to go to bed early, eat and drink on time, and two days to go to bed a little later.

You don't have to be so precise with your time. If you say you'll go to bed at 11 pm, you don't have to turn off your computer. If you say you'll eat at noon, you should immediately put down the mouse, go to bed a little earlier, and finish that game. You can do all of this. Just don't exceed half an hour.

You must be flexible in your self-discipline, including your psychological flexibility, if you want to balance the conflicts in all aspects.

I am confident that the above answers will be helpful.

My name is Yan Guilai, and I am a psychological counselor. I expect you to have relaxed learning, happy games, and reasonable rest!

Greetings,

I am in a position to offer you some advice.

From your written description, it is evident that you possess a high degree of self-awareness and are cognizant of the fact that your current tendency to stay up late and progressively extend your bedtime is a consequence of being indulged during the holidays when you were young.

Given that you have been staying up late every night during your holidays since you were a child, it is likely that you have spent every holiday in this state. Over time, this will become a habit.

As the duration of nocturnal sleep increases, so too does the duration of diurnal sleep. This will inevitably result in a disruption to the body clock, which is to be discouraged from a health perspective. From 10 p.m. onwards, all organs require rest through nocturnal sleep.

Given that the internal organs have been operating at a high level throughout the day, they require a period of rest at night, just as the body does. This allows for a more optimal state of being during the subsequent day, with greater energy reserves to navigate the day's events.

Nevertheless, since childhood, you have frequently engaged in nocturnal activities. Could you please elaborate on the specific health effects that staying up late has had on you? For instance, due to this long-term disruption of your biological clock, after you started school, you would spend a considerable amount of time sleeping during the day, or you would experience difficulties in concentrating in class.

It is also possible that our biological clocks will return to normal once we emerge from the winter vacation period. The above two aspects represent the two possible states of staying up late, which can be recalled now.

As evidenced by your content, you exhibited exemplary self-discipline during your academic career, securing a position in the elite class and attaining an accolade. This demonstrates that your academic performance is of the highest caliber. Does your biological clock align with the second point I previously mentioned? In other words, will you revert to your typical biological rhythm, exhibiting no issues with energy levels and maintaining your exemplary self-discipline in adhering to a regular sleep schedule?

Alternatively, it is possible that your biological clock has never undergone an adjustment. During our youth, the consequences of staying up late or feeling slightly fatigued may not have been perceived as significant. It is plausible that you have also observed this phenomenon.

Furthermore, as individuals age, the frequency of late-night disturbances increases, leading to adverse effects on internal organs. Consequently, despite adhering to an early bedtime and rising schedule, many individuals still experience daytime fatigue.

In this situation, it is this author's recommendation that the following course of action be pursued.

First and foremost, I can discern and empathize with your profound desire for transformation. However, the crux of the matter seems to be the question of how to effectuate change and how to approach it.

You have previously attempted to effect a change by reading books and actually trying, but these efforts have often proved unsuccessful.

Let us therefore review the plan for change that you have formulated.

The question thus arises as to whether the plan should be set to succeed within a week or within a month.

An alternative approach would be to implement the new schedule in time for the holidays.

It is important to understand that this habit was formed during childhood, and the accumulation of minor changes has resulted in the current challenging situation. Given the prolonged period of accumulation, it is reasonable to expect that achieving the desired change will require a significant investment of time.

For example, a significant objective could be to eventually achieve a consistent sleep schedule of going to bed early and waking up early.

The first stage is to reduce the time spent awake each day by one hour. For instance, if an individual typically remains awake until 2 a.m., the objective is to gradually shift this to 1 a.m. over the course of a week or a month.

Subsequently, the commencement of the game or other content in the initial half of the night must be advanced by an hour. By adjusting the overall time frame, it is possible to achieve a bedtime of 1 a.m.

In the second stage, the bedtime should be advanced to 12 a.m., and in the third stage, to 11 p.m.

Similarly, improvements can be made in accordance with one's specific circumstances. Initially, this process may result in some discomfort and inconvenience, as it requires either postponing or accelerating certain activities after dinner to achieve the desired outcome.

However, it is my contention that we should not simply defer judgment of each day to time or to games; rather, we should do so to ourselves.

It can be argued that time is a finite resource and that individuals have the capacity to exert control over it. This enables them to make decisions regarding their actions and the timing of those actions.

While gaming can be enjoyable and may result in a temporary loss of awareness of time, it is important to recognize that gaming involves an absolute commitment of time to the game, which is not under one's direct control.

It is therefore imperative to prioritize health and to divide one's time reasonably according to the principle of taking control of one's own time. For example, one may choose to take a break and watch television for a few hours after dinner, and then engage in leisure activities such as gaming for a limited period of time in the following few hours.

Such arrangements are, in my estimation, entirely acceptable. It is my belief that, provided one makes an effort to take this step of organizing oneself, the changes will become apparent over time.

In conjunction with your primary objective and incremental milestones, this approach can provide optimal assistance in restoring your optimal state of well-being.

Moreover, after a designated period of adherence to a specific stage, it is essential to evaluate the extent of change from the initial state to the current one. Additionally, it is crucial to ascertain whether the individual has been able to maintain the stage actively. Furthermore, it is important to determine whether there has been an improvement in the individual's mental state.

Do you perceive an increase in productivity? It is this author's hypothesis that a similar effect will be observed.

It is my contention that individuals can effectively plan their lives and live in accordance with their aspirations by effecting changes in themselves and in their time management strategies.

I extend my best wishes to you.

Should you wish to continue the dialogue, you are invited to click on the "Find a coach" link, which can be found in the upper right-hand corner or at the bottom of the page. This will enable you to communicate with me directly.

One Psychology Q&A Community, World, and I Love You: https://m.xinli001.com/qa

Hello? Questioner, after reading your description, I can see how confused and stuck you are. Let me give you a warm hug, OK?

1.

We all know that bad habits don't form overnight. But they can get pretty tiring, right? When you're tired of playing, you want to change the channel. You've now realized that just going on like this isn't an option, and you want to change. So, why can't you change if you want to? You know so much about the reasons, but why do you still just stay at the thinking level?

2.

At school, you did so well! I'm sure you like the school version of yourself even more. You played so hard at home because you were tired from school and just wanted to relax. You relaxed so much at home that it still couldn't stop you from being excellent!

You're absolutely amazing!

3.

It's so important to accept what you've done. Everything has its own rules, and that's okay! Drink when you're thirsty, eat when you're hungry, rest when you're tired, and study (or work) when you're not tired. By following the rules of things, we'll no longer be obsessed with what to do and what not to do. There's not so much about what is right and what is wrong. The so-called right and wrong are all shackles that social education has put on us. We set limits for ourselves, follow the rules, and obey our hearts. This is the best reward for ourselves!

4.

We can have so much fun at home, and we can't do it without the support of our wonderful, enlightened parents. Many parents are already anxious about their children's studies before their children are even anxious about it. They get too involved in their children's studies and sometimes overwhelm them. Many conflicts arise because of their children's studies!

5.

In this age of anxiety, parents can let go of your hand and let you play when you should, and when you learn, you'll know you're learning well. It's a happy thing, isn't it? Parents save worry, and children excel!

6.

It's totally normal to feel bad about your situation. But here's the good news: your parents haven't said anything, and they still believe that you can do a great job! That's trust. They trust you to take care of your own affairs and make good use of your time.

I just wanted to say congratulations! You are so lucky to have parents who trust you so much!

7.

If you have time, I really recommend reading (The Power of Self-Growth) (The Courage to Be Disliked). You'll see that you're not as annoying as you think, and that all internal conflicts and entanglements are normal. Once you've read it, that sense of guilt will disappear.

I'm so happy for you! I really hope that sharing my experience has helped you in some way. Keep up the great work, and I wish you all the best!