Yesterday, I had a fight with my dad again because I don't think he understands me at all.

Hello. It's clear you care a great deal about what your father thinks. You want him to pay more attention to your inner needs and to be more understanding.

If you are not understood, you will respond to their lack of understanding by self-harm.

To change this situation, we must ask ourselves: when you self-harm, do you want to get something through this behavior, or alleviate something? You said that in the past, you were scolded by your father and even relatives for using your own money to buy a computer, which made you feel unacceptable, so you did the act of "self-harm."

We need to identify what this behavior is trying to express. You have repeatedly mentioned "recording videos" and also practicing saying lines, so incorporate the emotions that make you uncomfortable into the lines to vent.

Furthermore, I can see that you crave to be seen, loved, and cared for. However, the feedback you're getting from the outside world isn't what you want.

I can see that you like to record videos and even practice your lines on purpose to improve the quality. You have your own favorite things and concerns.

This is the way to go. Let's look inward to find love and care.

First, see yourself clearly, love yourself, attend to your psychological needs, care for yourself, understand yourself better, and judge yourself less. For example, when you stuttered while recording a video, practice your lines. You are great.

If you stutter more than usual when you speak in a video because you were not in a good state yesterday and didn't get a good night's rest the night before, take control. Pay close attention to your physical condition. When you feel difficult and sad, press pause and don't force yourself to do anything. Instead, take care of yourself through self-emotional writing exercises, self-care meditation, or try changing the environment for a while.

In short, identify the root cause of your self-harm, find a healthier alternative, and prioritize your inner well-being by caring for yourself and expressing your inner feelings. This is the first step to loving and caring for yourself. Once you've done that, we can move on to the next step.

You must care for yourself more and tell yourself more often: I am valuable, I am important, and my feelings and thoughts are worthy of being cared for and seen. First, we must see ourselves.

Each of us must be the person in the world who loves themselves the most.

Dear Landlord,

It is human nature to desire recognition and support from others, particularly when we encounter setbacks. When I read your account of the various unpleasant experiences you had with your father during the video recording process, I could empathize with your depression and sadness.

It is not uncommon for individuals to express their discontent. The original poster has demonstrated an ability to present the facts in a logical sequence and identify the pertinent factors that contribute to their dissatisfaction, which is a crucial step in facilitating emotional adjustment in the future.

The ability to manage emotions is an essential aspect of maturation, as every moment of our lives is intertwined with our emotional state. Identifying emotions, confronting them constructively, taking control, and harnessing emotions to foster creativity represent the core objectives of our pursuit of the underlying causes and solutions.

In the adult world, it is essential to take responsibility for one's own actions. This entails recognizing boundaries and understanding the intentions and nature of others. What factors led to your father's lack of support during the production of the video?

His lack of optimism regarding the future of your current field of endeavor is based on the observation that the current craze for new media is sweeping the country. The viability of your chosen profession, and thus your ability to provide for yourself and your dependents, is contingent upon more than just your own success. It also hinges on the assurance that your spouse will be able to maintain a comfortable standard of living in his later years.

His lack of optimism regarding your current field of endeavor is evident. The current fervor for new media is sweeping the nation, and the viability of one's livelihood and sustenance is not merely a personal concern but also contingent upon the assurance of a stable future for him.

A lack of recognition of the advantages of one's career may be observed. Adults are compelled to bear the consequences, yet parents are still occasionally motivated by their own protective instincts and do not want their children to repeat their mistakes. After all, time is a valuable commodity in the present, and just because of enthusiasm, one invests and then experiences regret.

A lack of recognition of the advantages of one's career is evident. Adults are compelled to bear the consequences, yet parents remain inclined to protect their children, dissuading them from repeating their own missteps. Ultimately, time is a finite resource, and pursuing endeavors with fervor may result in feelings of disappointment upon its conclusion. The opportunities that were lost are irrecoverable, and parents, who base their judgments on their own experiences, are unable to articulate this clearly, which contributes to their urgency.

The issue at hand concerns our collective inability to achieve a harmonious equilibrium between our personal and professional lives, as well as our tendency to disregard the emotional well-being of others.

The issue at hand concerns our collective inability to achieve a state of equilibrium in our respective lives and to demonstrate a requisite degree of consideration for the sentiments of others.

Regardless of the underlying cause, it is essential to communicate with your father in a patient and careful manner if you genuinely seek his approval and support.

If one is concerned about the future of the industry, it would be beneficial to provide authoritative data, particularly trustworthy examples from one's immediate vicinity that can be emulated. These should be verified with one's father in order to facilitate his comprehension of the transformation in wealth creation under the new economy. Given the accelerated pace of development, it is understandable that older individuals may find it challenging to keep up. However, they tend to express concern about potential missteps, and having the capacity to elucidate the situation to one's father could assist in more accurately gauging the development trend.

In the event of uncertainty regarding one's own abilities, it is incumbent upon the host to demonstrate their strengths and perseverance. In the current era, when the majority of individuals are engaged in the act of viewing videos, feelings of loneliness are pervasive. Consequently, it is essential to ascertain the host's perspective on their own position.

It would be advisable to consider this as a hobby or a side business with the aim of accumulating funds. It would be beneficial to communicate your own position and expectations with your father in order to gain a more objective perspective on the direction and route to take. It is important to note that this is not about father worship; however, it is also crucial not to reject outside feedback. In the context of new media, it is essential to consider how to increase the number of followers. It may be helpful to view your father as a unique fan.

It is also important to consider the environment when recording a video, as this can impact the quality of the recording. This is not only about mutual respect between family members, but also to ensure the progress and effectiveness of the recording.

It is not possible to fully empathise with others, and therefore feedback may be an accurate reflection of reality. It is important not to take feedback and suggestions negatively.

For example, the original poster indicated that her father had commented on the loudness of the sound. It would be beneficial to ascertain whether her father was resting, whether he had requested a quiet environment, and whether our involvement in the situation had prevented us from noticing that the room, which had not been soundproofed, was entirely unsuitable for the purpose.

Regardless of the result of the communication, it is imperative to maintain a resolute stance on one's own beliefs. It is uncommon for individuals to possess such fervor during their formative years, and it is essential to be more assured and to fortify this impassioned dedication in order to increase the likelihood of achieving one's desired outcome.

Dear Question Asker, Thank you for your inquiry. I have identified two areas for further exploration: your stuttering and the concerns you have about expressing yourself, as well as the lack of attention and approval you have experienced. Please let me know if you have any questions or require additional assistance. Best regards, [Your Name] [Your Title]

It is often said that a happy childhood has a positive, long-lasting impact, while an unhappy childhood can have a significant, lasting effect. I believe your father has been a source of spiritual guidance and support for you, even though his own childhood may have been challenging. It is important to acknowledge the influence of your parents, but it is also essential to recognize that your father's experiences may have been more difficult than yours.

[Stuttering and seven kinds of psychological stress]

Stuttering is regarded by the medical community as one of the most unusual and intricate disorders globally. It can be classified into three categories: difficulty producing the initial sound of a word, difficulty producing words at the end of a sentence, and repeated words.

Situational stress

Stutterers often find it challenging to speak in certain situations, with phone conversations being a particular concern. In fact, over 80% of stutterers report feeling anxious about talking on the phone.

2. Word or video speech stress. The majority of individuals who stutter experience difficulties with specific words or types of speech.

In essence, all adult dyslexics experience a certain degree of "word fear," which is more commonly known as a firm aversion to specific words.

3. Authority figure pressure. They have difficulty speaking in the presence of individuals in positions of authority.

They have difficulty speaking in front of teachers and during job interviews. In fact, all the patients said that they often only stutter in front of certain people, but in front of doctors, they show no signs of stuttering.

This type of child only stutters in the presence of authoritative pressure from parents, and the stuttering disappears in other situations. It is likely that your stuttering is related to authoritative pressure in some way.

4. Stress from uncertainty. Patients often experience difficulty with speech when they are unsure of the correct procedure to follow.

For example, in an unfamiliar situation, such as meeting the new neighbor, changing jobs, or seeing some passers-by, stress can be a factor. Inability to correctly pronounce a word can also contribute to stress.

5. Physiological stress. Stuttering patients may experience difficulties in speech when fatigued or unwell.

6. External Stress. This type of stress can also have a negative impact on speech if the individual has recently experienced a negative event such as job loss, the illness or death of a family member, or the theft of a vehicle.

It is widely acknowledged that external stress can have a considerable effect on speech difficulties.

7. Rate pressure. It is probable that the most common pressure is rate pressure.

The primary cause of stuttering in children is rate pressure, which can be defined as speaking too quickly.

"Parenting your inner child"

I am unaware of your age, but from your description, it seems you have already begun to stand on your own two feet. Therefore, it will be challenging to change your father. The most efficient solution is to focus on self-healing. I suggest reading a book by Cong Feicong, "Parenting Your Inner Child." This book explains how our psychological needs are formed. A lack of security stems from self-intimidation. To gain security, we tend to cling to everything we can get our hands on. This can result in a loss of freedom and self-coercion, which may lead to a decrease in self-worth.

A lack of self-worth often stems from self-denial. In order to gain recognition, individuals often turn to the outside world for help, which can lead to a need for close relationships.

You also stated that your father's primary concern is your physical well-being, with minimal attention paid to your psychological needs. It is plausible that during his upbringing, his fundamental physical needs were fulfilled, while his own psychological needs were either unmet or inadequately addressed. Consequently, he is unable to provide you with what he lacks.

Your remarks do not mention the mother. It is typically the mother who cares for her children and provides for their needs. It is challenging for the father to assume these responsibilities.

[Feeling Love: The Art of Finding Happiness in Intimacy]

In the book Feeling Love, the author states that feelings of loneliness, sadness, anger, and anxiety are often the result of an inability to feel loved by others. The experience of feeling loved is characterized by a deep sense of intimacy and security.

The lack of a mutually supportive connection with others can result in a deeper sense of isolation, which may prevent individuals from achieving true happiness.

The ability to recognize and identify the manifestations of love is a prerequisite for feeling love.

The Sufis have a very beautiful poem, one line of which reads:

I appeal to love.

I kindly request that God grant me the ability to help those in need.

I am unsure if you are aware, but your father is in fact someone who requires assistance. Have you attempted to identify his psychological needs and strive to fulfill them?

As a result of this process, you will receive love.

My name is Zhang Huili, and I am a psychological counselor. I hope you find this information helpful. If you found it useful, please click the "like" button before leaving.

Greetings,

You sought encouragement from your father, but he provided only physical sustenance, which led you to feel unappreciated, unheeded, and even rebellious. I empathize with your sadness and frustration and understand your suffering and distress. Therefore, I will offer you a warm embrace.

Furthermore, your message indicated that you have been experiencing depression and anxiety for up to eight years, and that you have rehearsed your lines meticulously for the video. I commend you for this dedication. Allow me to propose a hypothesis:

1. Acceptance of Father's Limitations

It is important to accept one's own limitations.

From your disclosures, it is evident that you experience a certain degree of emotional distress in response to the feedback you receive from your father. It appears that he is unable to provide the level of care and affection you require, which has led to feelings of disappointment and confusion.

However, based on your description of focusing on basic needs such as food and appetite, it can be inferred that your father has a genuine affection for you. It is possible that due to his personal constraints, he may lack the ability to record videos, foster a joyful environment for his child, or express love in a specific manner.

Therefore, he can only love you in the manner that he is most comfortable and in accordance with his personal standards.

"Control what we can control, and adapt to what we cannot." It is evident that my father's limitations cannot be altered in a short period of time, and there is a possibility that they are unchangeable. Therefore, it would be prudent to alter our perspective, adjust our expectations and mindset towards my father, accept that he is unable to comprehend your current situation, relinquish this expectation, and refrain from engaging in conflict with him or against yourself.

It would be beneficial to consider the following:

2. Modify the manner in which you engage in communication.

2. Modify the manner in which you communicate.

From another perspective, the fact that your father did not provide you with encouragement and support may be attributed to his personal style of communication or a lack of comprehension of your needs. Therefore, you may wish to consider employing a different approach to communication and directly conveying your needs to your father.

For example, a direct approach could be to say, "Dad, I get nervous when recording videos, and I hope you can provide some encouragement so that I can record better." When the father is made aware of the child's needs, it is likely that he will offer encouragement.

In conclusion, it can be stated that genuine self-confidence is an intrinsic quality. The evidence that you have been able to prevail over depression, anxiety, and other emotional challenges for an extended period demonstrates that your resolve is growing stronger.

I am similarly convinced that you can become that stronger self.

It is my sincere hope that the advice I have provided will prove beneficial to you. I extend my warmest regards to you, and wish you well.

It is my sincere hope that the advice I have provided will prove beneficial. I extend my best wishes to you and the world at large.

Hi, I'm Xin Tan, Coach Fei Yun here.

From what you've said, I can tell you're keen for your father to understand you and recognise you. You're nervous about the video and you need his encouragement and advice. You even practised your lines in advance for the video. You really hope that your father can "see" and give you affirmation for this motivation and seriousness.

I get it. You have needs and concerns, but instead of talking to your father about them, you're pushing back against his authority in a way that seems childish. Let's take a moment to hug it out and address the issues that are on your mind.

?1. Not getting what you need has made you feel emotionally

As we said earlier, when you don't get the attention you need, it can lead to frustration. You're already taking medication for depression, so you hope your dad can understand and support you.

Dad is only concerned about whether you're full, but you want more than that. You want him to nourish you more on a spiritual level, to care more about your inner feelings, and to be able to meet your emotional needs.

Dear child, your father is just an ordinary person with his own limitations. Because of how he was brought up, the way his parents raised him, and the education he received, your father has developed his current way of thinking.

As parents, we all want to give our children more care and love. If you don't get the love you want, it's because your father also didn't know how to love you better.

Because he didn't learn how to love children from his parents. Love your child from their perspective, not yours.

It's like a kind of coldness: "Mommy says I'm cold," even though she clearly cares for her child, but the child doesn't feel it. This kind of love and need just don't match.

It's important to accept your father's limitations and imperfections. When we let go of our expectations of our parents, we can truly grow up. As you grow up and become the person who will support yourself in the future, why not seize this opportunity now?

2. Learn to communicate sincerely and talk to each other as equals, like adults.

As you've already said, you should also tell your dad directly: I want you to encourage me more, praise me more, and give me some good advice when I lack confidence; I want you to see that I do work hard, even though the results are not perfect; I want you to understand my heart, my depression is because I have too much emotional repression, and I need your support.

As you mentioned, you've shown some "rebellion" towards your father. He said he's worried about money, but that's just the way they lived in their generation. In those times of material scarcity, survival was more important than living. He might say that, but he'll still support you in action.

It's important to communicate more with your father and complain less. Complaining can also easily lead to feelings of frustration. If you're embarrassed to express yourself verbally, you can use WeChat, a note, or even a recorded video to express your views and feelings to your father.

Dads' emotions are subtle, even repressed, and they're not great at expressing them. Try to change the way you communicate with your dad (arguing is also a form of communication, just an extreme one). When you change, your dad's interaction with you will also change.

I hope this is helpful to you. Best regards, [Your name]

If you want to keep talking, just click "Find a coach" in the top right corner or at the bottom. I'll be in touch and we'll keep growing together.

From your description, it is evident that you are experiencing a conflict. You desire to communicate with your father, yet his lack of understanding evokes anger within you, prompting you to suppress your feelings. This ultimately results in an emotional outburst. You engage in a conflict with your father and subsequently experience feelings of remorse and helplessness, which have led you to seek assistance. Your emotions towards your father are complex and challenging to navigate.

As a psychotherapist, I will present my understanding from a psychological perspective.

Due to the paucity of information available during your upbringing, you did not disclose your age, Mother. I will make a bold assumption based on the limited information you have, and you will then verify it with careful scrutiny.

Mentioning your father indicates a profound level of care and desire for recognition, comprehension, and attention. However, your outward behavior suggests that when your father fails to comprehend your actions and you feel unappreciated, you become emotionally distressed. It is imperative to first learn to express yourself. You must communicate your genuine thoughts and feelings, such as, "Dad, I become somewhat nervous when recording videos and stutter, so could you please review it and let me know if I need to make any adjustments?"

"In a direct, honest conversation, you expressed your need. Do you believe your father will reject your request? If your father disapproves of your pursuit of a career in video recording, you can also articulate the underlying motivations behind your actions and engage in self-expression.

One might inquire whether the subject could commence a business venture. It would be prudent to allow the father to gain a deeper comprehension of the subject's needs. What is the subject seeking to observe at this juncture?

Communication is the foundation of all human interaction, and it begins with the heart.

It is human nature to desire recognition and comprehension. However, without articulating one's subjective reality, it is challenging for others to fully comprehend it. As a psychotherapist, I work with clients, and despite my background in psychology, I am also curious, directive, and prone to making assumptions. Nevertheless, I allow my clients to express their inner thoughts before formulating inferences.

The personality traits of fathers tend to form a fixed pattern. As children, we must promote the harmony of the parent-child relationship by being aware of ourselves, understanding our loved ones, and making adjustments. The motivation behind this is to gain a full understanding of the situation. As long as you learn and communicate more, you can first understand your own state, so that you can first gain the strength to become strong inside, learn to love, and only then love your father and mother better. Expressing emotions requires emotions, and embracing everything with love, not expressing emotions (anger) and scolding, or expressing emotions (hitting) with actions. The attitude between loved ones should be calm, patient, and gently persistent. The world and I love you, and you must first love yourself, and then love your father.

Dear friend, Let me give you a hug.

I believe you love your father very much and value his opinion of you. You shouldn't be angry when you read this reply.

Your father's education is probably not as high as yours, and he doesn't know as much as you do. He has also been suppressed by life for many years, and his personality is not as gentle. Instead, he has become more prone to gossip.

You should have noticed by now that your father is unable to participate in your life much, despite providing for your basic needs. This is not impossible, but your father may feel unable to help and unsure of where to start.

Pick another time to deal with your emotions. Take the initiative to ask your father, "Dad, is there something going on in your heart that you're not happy about? If there is, say so. I'm a bit like that too. I want to talk to you about it." If not, say, "I'm not feeling very well. I want to talk to you about it." Show him the problem you're having. Don't hide it. You two are closer than I am, a stranger, and you.

Tell your father about your life and ask him about his. You need to communicate your emotions if you want to appear less passive in the face of life's challenges.

My friend, you should go outside more often, feel nature, sometimes prepare a hearty dinner with all your heart, and sometimes listen to a quiet song with all your heart. You are someone who wants to live a good life, and you will.

I'll let you in on a secret: my father and I are just like that. One day I mustered the courage to hug him for no reason at all. Who would have thought that someone who is usually so irritable would suddenly calm down? In fact, there are many things that are more meaningful when expressed through actions than through words.

Hello! I'm sending you a 360-degree hug.

From what you've told me, it seems like you'd rather have your father pay attention to your psychological needs than worry about whether you've eaten enough or what you want to eat. Unfortunately, this is impossible.

I don't know your age, but you said you recorded a video, so I assume you're not too young, but not too old either. I'd say you're probably in your twenties.

I'm here to share my views.

First, we need different relationships to meet different needs.

We'll have relatives, friends, lovers, colleagues, and so on. That means we'll say different things to different people, do different things, and naturally satisfy different emotional needs.

With relatives, especially parents, there's often a generation gap and different expectations, so there's often a stronger father-son dynamic. It's not unusual for parents to not fully understand their children, and there can be a lack of understanding on both sides.

Parents just want their kids to be well fed and warmly clothed. They don't know your father's age, but they hope their kids are well fed and well looked after. It's a simple wish, being a parent. And to be frank, they can't help with anything else, and they probably don't understand.

It's like sometimes I'll say something to my mom and she'll say, "Don't tell me, I don't understand." It's totally normal that she doesn't understand.

But she's happy to help with things she can do, like cooking and mending socks. For me, that's enough.

I can find someone else to take care of the rest.

My mother usually likes to chat about the latest news, distant relatives, neighbors, and family matters. We often discuss the same topic on the phone and then again in person, listening to each other's perspectives. For them, it's their life.

I don't understand her gossip, but I respect it just the same as she respects my work.

My advice is to accept your father's love, even if it's expressed in a way you don't understand.

If your dad can't meet your other needs, find someone else who can.

Some friends are just for drinking and eating, while others are for talking about interests and ideals.

Some are better for highbrow topics, while others are more suited to chatting about how to make money.

It's important to remember that no one person can meet all of our needs, just as we can't meet all of the needs of others.

Secondly, try to find a different way to get along with your father.

Mature people usually speak in a way that's appropriate to the situation and the person they're speaking to. Different people have different ways of getting along with each other.

You don't fall in love with your best friend, and you don't discuss politics with your romantic partner.

When you're with your father, just picture him as a caring dad. Accept the way he shows his concern and give him the care he wants.

I don't know your age, but my advice is to stick to what your father likes while maintaining your boundaries.

The idea of "keeping boundaries" is that you don't have to listen to things that the other person doesn't agree with. Ultimately, we're responsible for our own lives.

If it's not a matter of principle and you can do this or that, and if your parents have expectations, then do what they say.

For instance, your mother thinks you're cold and wants you to wear long underwear. Some people feel their parents are controlling.

If you can avoid an argument with your parents and make them happy by wearing a pair of autumn pants, then go ahead and wear them. And wearing autumn pants to keep warm, young people won't feel cold and it will be good for their health. When you get old, you'll see the benefits of autumn pants.

As for other needs, find other people to satisfy them. Don't try to fit everything into one relationship. Otherwise, what's the point of having other relationships?

For instance, you can make friends to chat about topics you're interested in, or find people with similar interests online to chat with.

Parents are more about nurturing, and a greater level of understanding is an added bonus. It's beneficial to have it, and it's okay not to have it.

I'm a psychological counselor who often feels depressed but also has moments of optimism. I love the world and all of you in it.