You have disappointed me time and again. Can a marriage that has cheated continue?

Hello, question asker! I am Zi Ding Ya Xiang, and I'm so excited to be here with you today.

I really hope I can help you!

After carefully reading the questioner's confession, I made an incredible discovery: my husband had cheated on me six months ago! I have made efforts to reconcile, but my husband always says one thing in public and another behind my back, which has been quite the adventure.

For many reasons, I am now at a crossroads in my marriage. First, I would love to give you a big hug from afar!

Next, let's sort out the current situation!

1. It seems that there are no dangers in a seemingly smooth sailing relationship, marriage, and family of three. Because of the persistent belief in this relationship, I never thought that the social storm of infidelity could also affect me.

It's a bummer to accept it right now, but it's time to move on from the idea of a fairy tale romance between a princess and a prince. The dream is over, but life goes on!

2. After experiencing her husband's repeated betrayals, the questioner still has hope that her husband can change and the family can continue to operate. After such repeated psychological conflicts, the questioner is ready for a new beginning and is excited to find the perfect solution.

This kind of compromising life is very painful, but it's also an opportunity for growth and change!

3. In contrast to the questioner's valiant efforts to save the marriage, when the topic of divorce arises, her husband sweetly suggests that they not separate. This gives the questioner hope that her husband still values the family and doesn't want to leave. However, he then goes on dates with new people, which presents an exciting opportunity for the questioner to explore her own desires.

Let's find a way to resolve this current dilemma!

First of all, a man cheating on his wife is also a kind of illness. This is an opportunity for growth and healing! Maybe there is a problem in the family, a gap in the relationship, and he needs to find comfort outside.

There are usually four main situations:

1⃣ Men look for novelty, and in this situation, there is still a possibility that the man will come home!

2⃣ Unable to find satisfaction at home. Looking for a sense of existence and superiority outside the home.

3⃣ Look for ways to fill the emotional gap at home. Find loving care outside!

4⃣ When you encounter true love, it is irreversible — and it's absolutely amazing!

The good news is that the first three situations still apply to people who are willing to go home and not willing to separate. The questioner can consider it from their own perspective, or the couple can sit down and calmly talk about where the problem lies.

You can overcome difficulties together and solve them! Or you can bring your husband to a psychologist to talk to a professional counselor and find a solution to the problem.

Second, if both people are willing to change, they should both make an effort to save the marriage! Running a small household is an amazing adventure that requires mutual sharing, mutual respect, and mutual trust between the two people. If either party neglects or makes a mistake, it's an opportunity to learn and grow together.

Finally, if the first two options cannot improve the situation, it's time to weigh the value of the husband against the value of the family. As the saying goes, when it comes to men cheating, there are only two possibilities: either it never happens, or it happens countless times.

Can you accept that your husband, who has cheated on you before, will do so countless times in the future? If you can, then please adjust your mindset and accept this fact. It's time to embrace the exciting possibility of your husband's future actions!

If you can't accept it and don't want to make efforts and changes to strengthen the family, you still have the option to compromise!

I really hope the questioner will also work hard to become a better person, so that her husband will find her unattainable!

Hello, I can feel your helplessness, your grievances, and your anger. You have worked hard, and I want to tell you my opinion:

First, let's talk about reproductive and survival value.

You've been together since college, and then you had a child. I suspect that after you entered society and worked, you had fewer connections, and the focus was on your husband, so you became the devoted wife and mother in the family.

I can see you're feeling pretty stuck right now. I just want to say that from this perspective, the cost you pay is relatively high.

And your husband is working hard in society and has gained more connections and resources. It's so hard to guarantee that every child is his own flesh and blood. I know it can be tempting to look for love outside the marriage, but it's important to avoid rewarding your husband's costs by cheating.

Secondly, there's the question of ornamental value.

It's so important to remember that a good wife and mother who stays at home and takes care of the children is definitely not as attractive as a woman who works hard with her husband and meets new people.

And finally, the issue of emotional value.

So, you know what happens after your husband cheats? You yell and scream. I know you originally wanted to get your husband back, but you ended up pushing him further away.

After your husband came back, it seemed like things weren't going so well between you two.

I know it's a tough call, but I think you should first take some time to stabilize your emotions.

Your survival value is money and social support, which are relatively low. But don't worry! You can slowly fill in the missing parts of these first.

It would be really great for you if you could work on improving your social and family competitiveness.

When you're both on the same level, that's the best time to think about whether to separate or not.

I really hope my answer helps you out! Wishing you all the best! ??

Hello!

I am a heart exploration coach, and learning is the treasure of the body.

From your description, I can clearly see your inner grievances, exhaustion, confusion, pain, and a sense of being overwhelmed.

I won't go into the details of your marital problems here, but I'm going to give you three pieces of advice.

First, you need to ask yourself what you are still struggling with or what is still worth keeping in the marriage.

You've been thinking about separating from him for a long time and you don't want to compromise anymore. So, why haven't you separated? What are the reasons?

You said he doesn't agree to separate. What other reasons could there be?

You need to figure out why you haven't really made the decision to separate. Is it because you still have expectations of him, that you think he will change and return to the family? Or is it because you are worried about other things after a divorce, including problems in married life, issues with outside opinions, etc.?

You need to find the reason to find a solution and know what to do.

Second, you need to rationally consider the reasons you have found.

A rational perspective will help you understand yourself and the reality better.

To gain a rational view of the situation, you must do the following two things:

First, understand that a marriage that has been unfaithful can continue, but it requires the efforts of both parties.

You must understand the four principles of rebuilding a relationship: first, the cheating party must recognize the harm done to the partner; second, the cheating party must take the initiative to assume responsibility for repairing the relationship; third, the cheated party must set a limit on their response, refrain from using this matter to pressure others, and avoid using it as a moral advantage in other aspects of life; fourth, stop the pursuit and escape mode.

From your description, it's clear that he hasn't yet recognized the harm his actions have caused you. Given that he's still in contact with someone outside, and you've found out about it repeatedly, it's evident that it will be challenging for you to rebuild an intimate relationship with him, even if he's not ready to separate from you.

Second, know this: the status quo can be changed because you can change.

When you exert your subjective initiative, your state will naturally change, as will the state of your relationship with him. You must understand that ultimately, your marriage requires you to make a choice. Even if you don't choose now, it is still a choice.

Look at your own strengths. If the reason you are entangled is not related to worries about your married life, you need to see your own abilities, including the ability to make a good life for yourself and handle external opinions.

I'm not telling you to get a divorce. I'm showing you that you can choose.

I advise you to focus on yourself and consider how you can improve your own wellbeing.

When you rationally consider your situation, you will know what to do. At this point, you focus on yourself and do your best to do a good job.

For example, have a good talk with him again. Tell him this is the last chance. Listen to what he has to say. If he still doesn't want to return to the family, don't expect him to change. Without expectations, you won't be hurt. Even if you don't separate, you'll feel more relaxed because you know you're not staying for his sake.

If you're concerned about your marriage after learning that he's reluctant to return to the family, consider what your life would be like if you were truly separated from him. This line of thinking can help you realize that you have the capacity to cope, or even if you don't feel capable now, you've identified the direction of your next steps. It can also help you feel more at ease because you know what you need to do and have found the meaning of life. For instance, you can gather evidence and find evidence that's favorable to you, including fighting for more property, etc.

If you haven't made up your mind yet, or if you have made up your mind but there are still concerns from outside opinions, then you should have a good chat with your parents (including trusted family and friends) to hear their thoughts and suggestions. Communicating with them will make you feel better, because once negative emotions start flowing, they have a healing effect. At the same time, they may also give you some advice and support, which will help you make a more rational decision.

Ask yourself what kind of life you want, how far your current life is from that kind of life, and what you can do yourself. This kind of rational examination will facilitate your decision-making because you know your true inner thoughts. You need to know that you can do something to improve the current situation.

Take action and the various negative emotions in your heart will subside. Action is the enemy of negative emotions.

Finally, I hope you understand that it takes two people to be together, and only one to part. If you want to part, you can. The key is your thoughts and decisions.

I am confident that my answer will be helpful to you. If you would like to communicate further, simply click on "Find a coach to interpret – online conversation" at the bottom of the page, and I will communicate with you one-on-one.

Good day, my name is Jiayun.

It has been over a year since the discovery of the husband's infidelity. During this period, the initial shock and disbelief have progressed to anger, resentment, and a lack of willingness to reconcile. This has subsequently led to feelings of exhaustion, disappointment in the husband, and confusion regarding the future of the relationship.

From the information provided, it can be surmised that the current situation is

1. The husband is reluctant to pursue a divorce, yet he is unable to terminate the extramarital relationship.

2. You are motivated to salvage your marriage and are amenable to forgiving your husband, yet you are becoming increasingly disillusioned by the amount of time he is investing in his extramarital relationship.

It is evident that, despite the significant disappointment, a profound affection for the husband persists, and the more than eight years spent together are not easily forgotten. Additionally, a strong attachment to the shared residence has been formed.

A marriage may be beset by a multitude of issues, and it appears that there are two fundamental options: to remain in the marriage or to terminate it.

Among the many problems, infidelity actually accounts for a relatively high proportion. It is not uncommon for individuals to lose passion and even become bored when faced with the same person for an extended period.

The excitement and novelty of an extramarital relationship can compensate for the monotony and lack of passion that can accompany long-term marriage. It is important to note that this is a crisis that can potentially affect any marriage.

It is evident that you and your husband have not abandoned the possibility of reconciliation. However, it seems that you are uncertain about the manner in which you should "return" to the marital relationship. Is it possible for you to "revert to the previous state of affairs"?

This is an incorrect response.

The term "can't" is used to indicate that the challenge has been overcome collectively. However, there may still be a need to address past patterns of cohabitation, communication styles, unidentified obstacles in the relationship, and the needs of both parties. There is a significant scope for recognition.

Although marriage may appear to be a fixed institution, the individuals within it are in fact subject to constant change. Consequently, relationships cannot remain static.

If one does not progress, one becomes mired in the past and forgets the changes that have occurred in oneself and in one's partner.

The question of whether a marriage can continue after an affair is one that is likely to elicit a variety of responses.

It is crucial for couples to work together to confront challenges, re-examine the present state of their relationship during a crisis, and allow both parties to develop a new attitude and model within the marriage. This enables them to fulfill their individual needs while also meeting the needs of their partner.

It is not possible to guarantee lifelong fidelity, and it requires courage to live together through periods of adversity.

Ultimately, it is my hope that you will be able to discern your most essential needs within the context of a relationship.

It is challenging to accept betrayal. If one discovers the infidelity immediately or is informed of it by another party, the relationship is more likely to suffer than if the partner in question were to admit their fault directly.

Nevertheless, regardless of how the betrayal is discovered, it typically has a detrimental impact on the quality of the relationship.

Nevertheless, when betrayal occurs, certain coping strategies may prove more efficacious than others.

The recommendation is that if the individual attempts to address the betrayal by (a) confronting it rather than denying it, (b) reframing the situation as a personal growth opportunity, and (c) seeking assistance from friends, they will experience reduced anxiety and enhanced coping abilities in response to the betrayal.

Individuals tend to cope less effectively when they deny the occurrence of the betrayal, internalize negative emotions, or attempt to alleviate distress through the use of substances or alcohol.

Women are more likely to employ positive and effective coping strategies than men, and are more inclined to seek external assistance or adopt a more optimistic outlook on the situation at hand. Men, on the other hand, are more prone to self-medication as a means of alleviating distress.

It is crucial for the continuation of a relationship that forgiveness be extended in the aftermath of a painful betrayal. The act of forgiving others is not a simple undertaking and requires significant effort.

However, when both conditions are met, forgiveness is more probable. The initial prerequisite is an apology.

If the individual who has committed the infraction acknowledges their wrongdoing and offers a sincere apology, the victim is more likely to grant forgiveness. Conversely, forgiveness is less likely to occur when an excuse is provided, the apology is insincere, or the individual who has committed the infraction simply requests understanding and forgiveness.

In the event of wrongdoing that has resulted in harm to the relationship, it would be prudent for the perpetrator to acknowledge the harm caused and offer an apology to the partner.

The second condition is the capacity for empathy on the part of the victim. Those who are able to place themselves in their partner's position and demonstrate a certain degree of empathy are more likely to forgive their partner than those who lack this capacity.

Fortunately, forgiveness is more likely to occur in close, committed relationships. This is due to the fact that such relationships facilitate empathy, as well as providing a context in which the betrayer is more likely to offer an apology.

However, the damage caused by betrayal in an intimate relationship is significantly more severe than in other relationships. The level of investment in the relationship is directly correlated with the extent of pain caused by the partner's infidelity.

Furthermore, the resulting damage is more readily remediable.

Intimate relationships can offer individuals a wealth of invaluable and irreplaceable benefits, yet they can also exact a significant toll.

Good day. I am Heart Exploration Coach Lin Wei, and I am pleased to address your inquiry.

This type of situation is inevitable in a marriage and family. Many women choose to continue living with this mentality, which is often, "What else can you do if you're married? Just get by," and as a result, they become increasingly unhappy in an already disappointing life.

If they are dissatisfied with their family life, why don't they pursue a divorce? As stated in "Intimacy," individuals rarely initiate divorce when they are unhappy.

The primary reason is that a suitable replacement has not yet materialized. Given the circumstances, the individual currently in front of her represents the optimal scenario. Currently, there is no viable alternative to navigate her out of the current situation, or there is someone who could do so, but the conditions of this person are not as favorable as the current one. Consequently, most individuals choose to tolerate the status quo.

Another factor to consider is the potential financial implications of a divorce.

As the questioner stated, the eight years of affection between you have transformed what initially seemed so positive into a burden. Internally, you may still be struggling to accept how this individual has changed. With the support of your original affection, this decision has become challenging. Concurrently, there is also significant social pressure, such as your parents' persistent urging, the stares from your neighbors, and the presence of your child.

All of this could potentially impact your decision-making process. Based on your description, it seems that you are currently experiencing a sense of powerlessness, which could be classified as learned helplessness.

Upon initially discovering the affair, you were enraged. However, after a prolonged period of warnings, your partner has not exhibited any change in behavior. As a result, you are experiencing a constant depletion of emotional energy, which has led to feelings of helplessness. This is an example of learned helplessness.

I believe you are in a dangerous situation. Your emotions are not in a normal state, and excessive internal depletion is not beneficial for you.

My recommendation is to prioritize stabilizing your emotions and focusing on self-care before making any decisions. Take the time to reflect on your current strengths and weaknesses, and identify your future goals.

It would be prudent to take a day to consider your abilities, skills, strengths, and weaknesses, as well as your future direction. There is no need to concern yourself with the future; instead, focus on preparing for it. All will come in time.

Secondly, it is important to understand the relevant agreements and procedures.

Finally, when your emotional value is low, it is advisable to seek professional assistance and avoid becoming overly distressed. It is important to remember that nothing is insurmountable.

Ultimately, it is your decision as to how you proceed, but I hope you can find happiness and the resolve to move on from the past.

Good day, question asker. My name is Jia Ao, and I am not seeking any particular outcome.

After a thorough review of the issues and confusion outlined on the platform, I empathize with your situation. You are uncertain about how to navigate your marriage. You were previously in a happy marriage with a beautiful baby, but your husband has betrayed your marriage and repeatedly let you down. You are exhausted and distressed, unsure of how to proceed in your marriage or the value of perseverance.

To answer your question, I will assist you in analyzing and sorting it out.

The question remains whether a marriage that has been unfaithful can continue.

[Accept your emotions as they are]

After reviewing your description, I empathize with your situation. I would like to extend a supportive gesture in the form of a warm embrace from a distance. You mentioned a transition from disbelief to a lack of clarity on how to express your inner thoughts, which likely involved a significant period of emotional turmoil.

It is challenging for anyone to accept such circumstances. Despite the hurt and betrayal, you are still contemplating whether to give him another opportunity.

It is important to accept your emotions as they are, to take care of your emotions and feelings, and to prioritize your own needs. Given the circumstances, it is understandable that you would feel the way you do. However, it is crucial to recognize that things have already happened and that he has repeatedly let you down. Additionally, he has not severed his relationships with others. It is essential to pay more attention to yourself, to be kind to yourself, and to address the situation as it arises.

[Listen to your heart]

It is widely acknowledged that infidelity, like domestic violence, can occur on one or multiple occasions. Infidelity within a marriage is particularly egregious as it causes irreparable harm to the other party for selfish reasons. Your husband's actions demonstrate a lack of selflessness and consideration by simultaneously pursuing an extramarital relationship while refusing to end his marriage.

It is important to consider the long-term implications of continuing the marriage. Even if you choose to remain married, the fundamental problem will remain unresolved, and the relationship will continue to be strained. It is essential to take the time to evaluate your options and make an informed decision that is in the best interest of all parties involved. There are two key considerations: the well-being of the children and your own personal needs. It is crucial to base your decision on a realistic assessment of your feelings and circumstances.

[Assess the situation with objectivity and composure.]

First and foremost, it is imperative to recognize that neither you nor your child should bear this burden alone. Both of you have been adversely affected. It is crucial not to overlook the harm caused by the other party and to refrain from hasty forgiveness of your husband. An extramarital affair is a matter of principle. Easing the other party's way by forgiving them too easily could potentially exacerbate the situation and cause further distress.

If you elect to remain in the relationship, it is essential to ascertain his genuine desire to return. This entails demonstrating sincerity in repentance, severing ties with external influences, and demonstrating dedication to your well-being and that of the children. It is also crucial to assert financial authority and identify the underlying causes of the marital issues. It is imperative to understand why he allowed actions that caused you and the children distress. To avoid future harm, it is necessary to terminate the source.

In the event of an unexpected occurrence, it is crucial to remain calm and think rationally. It is important to understand that the responsibility does not lie with you. You have the autonomy to make decisions and the right to express your opinions. If you are truly determined to end the relationship, despite the other party's reluctance, you have the option to do so. The decision ultimately depends on your assessment of the situation. Do you prefer to seek a compromise, or do you wish to break free from the constraints and embrace a more independent path?

[Effective communication]

Regardless of the outcome, it is essential to have effective communication. Both parties should be willing to be honest with each other and discuss their true feelings. It is important to communicate your feelings honestly, including your confusion and pain, your reluctance to give up the family, and your distrust of him. Addressing these issues openly will prevent them from becoming overwhelming and will help you feel less depressed and tired. Give each other a chance to express yourself, and then learn to listen sincerely. You will need to discuss and face the future together.

[Rebuilding your support system]

Regardless of your final decision, it is essential to rebuild your support system, gradually move on from the pain, and heal yourself holistically. If there is still a possibility of continuing, it is even more crucial to repair the relationship emotionally so that you can move forward. Otherwise, it will be very awkward emotionally and it will be challenging to communicate in a positive way, which is not conducive to the relationship's growth.

It is recommended that you seek the assistance of a professional psychological counselor or counseling institution as soon as possible. If necessary, you can consult together. If you choose to remain in the relationship, it is essential to rebuild trust. Do not dwell on the situation and focus on taking care of yourself and your children.

I hope my response is of assistance. Best regards, [Name]

Hello, dear question asker! I'd like to give you a big hug from afar and offer you some comfort.

From your question, I can tell you're feeling a lot of different emotions right now, including anger, sadness, helplessness, powerlessness, disappointment, despair, pain, and doubt. I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's completely understandable that you're feeling this way, especially given how your spouse's infidelity has rocked the foundation of your marriage. You and your spouse went from school uniforms to wedding gowns, which is supposed to be an enviable marriage. It feels like a lifetime commitment, and it's very romantic and beautiful.

After you got married, you were really happy. It's just that a year ago, his infidelity hurt you a lot. You already had a child, and he was a few years old. The family seemed stable, so how could this happen? I can imagine it's really frustrating for you. It's hard to understand and accept, I know.

Infidelity can be divided into two main types: physical and mental. Physical infidelity is when there's physical intimacy but no emotional involvement or affection. Mental infidelity is when there's emotional involvement or affection but no physical intimacy. I'm not sure which type of infidelity your husband is guilty of, but either way, it's wrong and a betrayal of the family. It's also a betrayal of you and it hurts you and your children. As for whether or not to forgive, that's up to you. You can think about it at your own pace and decide whether you want to forgive him.

If you forgive him, how will your relationship be? Do you think he should do more to make up for what he did?

Dear question asker, don't lose hope! The world and I are rooting for you!

It is imperative to provide yourself with a gesture of comfort and solace. In the context of a marital relationship, the discovery of infidelity on the part of one's partner represents a profoundly adverse and destructive event.

I empathize with your anguish and bewilderment. Nevertheless, life persists, and we are compelled to navigate it.

Let us therefore collaborate in order to clarify our respective emotional states.

From your account, it appears that you and your husband share a foundation of affection. University romances are typically characterized by a high degree of purity, and it is not uncommon for two individuals in love to enter into marriage. It is evident that you hold this family in high regard.

However, your husband has been unfaithful to you for approximately a year and a half. How have you managed to cope with such a lengthy period of infidelity?

What has prompted this change in attitude? What steps have you taken to rekindle the relationship?

I have additional inquiries for your consideration: 1. Following the discovery of your husband's infidelity, did you engage in communication with him regarding the underlying reasons for his actions, which included betraying your relationship, your marriage, and your family?

2. Have you considered the potential issues that may have arisen within the marriage that you may not have been aware of? 3. Have you and your husband provided constructive suggestions and implemented changes to address the identified issues?

It would appear that the aforementioned strategies have not borne fruit; the husband in question persists in his infidelity. 4. Is the individual with whom the husband is cheating a different person, or has this been the case from the outset?

This is to ascertain whether your husband's character is inherently promiscuous or whether his emotional needs have undergone a change. 5. You desire a divorce, but your husband is opposed. What is his proposal for the continuation of the marriage?

It appears that in order to maintain the status quo, it is necessary to remain faithful to one's marriage. Alternatively, is it possible to find a solution that is more satisfactory? It seems that the current approach involves engaging in a series of unproductive interactions.

6. Please identify the primary source of income for your family. If a divorce were to occur, would you retain custody of the children?

Have you been employed throughout this period, and are you currently engaged in gainful employment? Alternatively, do you possess the confidence to support yourself through your own labor, or with the addition of a child? 7. In the event that your husband is disinclined to pursue a divorce, would you be amenable to accepting this outcome?

My child, I observe your benevolence and fidelity to your family and loved ones, yet I also discern your proclivity for excessive reliance on your husband. You are predicating the continuation of your marriage and your future well-being on his abstention from further infidelity and return to a virtuous course of action.

This kind of loss of self is quite challenging. The marriage has reached a critical juncture.

If one believes that the marriage is still emotionally connected and that the husband can change, and that there is still a chance for it to continue, then one should work hard to make it work. However, if the husband is unable to change his behavior and stop cheating, it would be advisable to make plans as soon as possible and take control of the financial matters oneself, whether for one's own sake or for the future of one's children.

Hello, host! I'm July, and I just wanted to say hello!

After reading your description, I totally get what you're asking. I'd even go as far as to give you a hug in the fourth dimension!

From what you've told me, it seems like you're feeling pretty confused and anxious right now. It's tough when you're in a marriage and you're not sure how to handle things. It's natural to feel disappointed when your partner is unfaithful. I can imagine it's frustrating to have forgiven him multiple times and still have him cheat. It's a lot to take in. It's understandable that you're feeling disappointed in him and that you're not sure if you can live with someone who has done what he did. It's a lot to take in.

It's so important to take responsibility for our own actions. Your other half's actions show that he hasn't thought about you. Otherwise, he wouldn't have cheated. His cheating is a really clear sign that something is wrong. And cheating can happen zero times or countless times.

So, it's probably not realistic to think that the man will change. I get the feeling you've realised this too, because at the end of your description, you made some really honest and thoughtful observations. But, the man is so determined to pursue you that it's understandable you're feeling a bit unsure at the moment.

I've also put together a few tips to help you cope with the situation. I really hope they'll be helpful! ?

(1) Men who don't love themselves are like stinky cabbages. So, really, it's not your fault, sweetheart. You've been so tolerant and forgiving, having forgiven him so many times. For someone who doesn't care at all about your feelings, just try to end the relationship.

(2) You've done so much right in this relationship! You've done a great job, and even if you've made a mistake, that's not a reason for him to cheat. It takes a lot to make someone cheat.

(3) Once you've made a decision, try to take responsibility for it. Then, give yourself some courage and positive self-talk to help you make some changes.

(4) It's so good for you to talk to your friends and share your thoughts and feelings. It's also a great idea to let your emotions out in the moment, and not to let too much build up inside.

(5) Life is still so long, and there's no need for you to spend the rest of your time in a relationship that no longer works. No matter how well you do, you can't save your current marriage because something has already gone sour. Even if you continue the relationship, some problems will still plague you.

The world and I love you so much! ?

Wishing you all the best!

Hello, my name is Gu Yixu. I am always humble and open-minded, and I hope you will find me to be the same as always.

It would be beneficial to recognize the reality of the situation.

Dear OP, I understand that the process of unravelling the mystery can be challenging. It can be difficult to develop and accept pain from the good things in life, and it has a significant impact on our inner selves. However, this is a natural part of the growth process.

From falling in love in college to managing a family and marriage, the person who waits for you after class is also waiting for you after work. For more than eight years, you have become accustomed to this lifestyle and emotional dependence, so it may be challenging to let go of these things. Your full commitment makes it difficult to step back.

Dear questioner, I would like to suggest that you carefully examine what may have led the other person to cheat. It could have been a lack of self-control, a sense of boredom with the family, or perhaps a genuine desire to seek solace outside the relationship. It's possible that they were reluctant to separate but were also hesitant to end the relationship.

It is often beneficial to maintain a balance of power in relationships.

Maintaining a relationship is challenging. It requires equal investment and dedication from both sides. When one side is over-invested and the other side is over-discharging due to the division of labor, this imbalance can lead to hidden dangers.

I believe that the feelings between you are genuine and that you have experienced the initial purity and enjoyed the happiness and sweetness. However, I feel that the past does not fully reflect the present, and that different social environments and social statuses may give rise to a number of challenges. While forgiveness can be a valuable tool, I don't believe it is the sole solution to the core issue at hand.

It would be beneficial for us to understand the root cause of the current situation, communicate effectively, and make changes together. Sharing both good and bad experiences can be a valuable learning opportunity, but it can also be a way to negotiate and compromise. When we focus on others, we also have the opportunity to reflect on ourselves. By doing so, we can become the best version of ourselves.

I hope this finds you well.

Hello, dear question asker! I'm Jiang 61.

First of all, thank you so much for trusting us and being willing to tell us about your situation and seek our help. You said, "Your husband has repeatedly let you down. Can a marriage that has been unfaithful continue?"

I'm really sorry that it's not easy for me to hug you and understand how you feel. But I'm going to do my best to answer your questions.

1. Sorting things out

1. When did this happen?

You said, "It's been a year and a half since I found out he cheated on me. At first, I was so shocked, but now I'm trying to figure out how to express my feelings."

2. Life situation

You two have known each other for eight whole years and met at college. You graduated and tied the knot, and then had a little one.

You were doing really well and were so happy. Then, about a year and a half ago, you found out that your husband had been cheating on you.

3. How can we help you deal with this?

After you found out about his infidelity, you said, "I cried and made a scene, and he always said he would cut off his relationships with the outside world." But time and time again, you found out that he hadn't done so at all. It's so hard to believe what he says, isn't it?

It seems like your approach is to cry and make a scene, and his approach is to promise to cut off his relationships with the outside world, but time and time again, he is found to have failed to do so.

You've thought that if he's willing to come back and make a good life together, you can give him a chance to start over. You want to keep the family together, but he's let you down time and time again.

2. Discussion

1. The real reason for infidelity

From what you've told me, I can't see why your husband would cheat. But since he's not willing to leave you and the family, there must be a reason why he can't.

I'm sure there's a reason for him to cheat, just like there's a reason for you to feel hurt.

Let's talk about expectations.

I think it might have something to do with the way you interact with each other and the fact that your expectations haven't been met.

Have you ever thought about what expectations really mean? It's all about having a vision or longing for something in the future.

Take a moment to think about what he's hoping for. What are you hoping he'll do for you?

I'd love to know what he's hoping you'll do for him. And what are you hoping he'll do for you?

I know it can be tough, but can your expectations of each other be met?

It's so important to meet each other's needs.

It's so important to understand that if the demand isn't met and you can't satisfy his desires, he'll look elsewhere. Once he can't get it from you, he'll start seeking it externally, because he has an unmet need.

Let's talk about how you interact with each other.

I'm not sure what your interaction pattern is like, but I can tell you that if one person keeps on dominating and the other keeps on feeling subordinate, it can make the person who feels worthless look for a sense of value outside the relationship.

2. How can we help you with this?

I'm sorry to say that these methods haven't worked for Mr. Xiang. He promised to end his relationship with other people, but his distress remains buried in his heart. It's so sad to see him hiding behind the curtain.

I'd love to know why this is so!

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I can see you're struggling with how to respond. I'm here to help. Let's look at a few different ways of responding to this situation.

I think the key to the problem is that when you deal with the issue of infidelity, you focus on your own feelings and the situation, and you might not focus as much on his feelings. In other words, when you deal with problems, you basically follow an accusatory pattern.

When we're facing challenges, it's natural to focus on our own feelings and the things going on around us. But it's also important to remember to consider how others are feeling.

It's so great to hear that your husband respects your feelings and accepts your opinion. It's also wonderful that he's promised to sever ties. It seems like he's a people pleaser, which can be a tough place to be. It's so hard when our own emotions aren't being met and we need to fill that void. It's understandable that he'd engage in sneaky behavior and continue associating with others.

A pleasing personality is one that blindly seeks to please others without regard for one's own feelings. It's not a healthy way to be, is it? It's all about putting other people's needs before your own. If you make others feel comfortable, you'll feel safe and loved.

So, sweetie, it seems like your mom only pays attention to what other people say and do, and she might be ignoring your feelings.

Let's talk about emotional attachment.

It's so important to remember that judging someone else's actions as right or wrong in an accusatory manner, while ignoring their emotional factors and needs, is the key to understanding the problem and where the emotions belong.

3. How to move on

1. Let's stop blaming each other.

It's so important to see expectations.

You can affirm that Mr. Sun has an undeniable responsibility for his infidelity. It's so sad, but he is unable to take responsibility for the marriage, the family, and keeping his promises. He is someone who cannot shoulder responsibilities.

It's so important to remember that behind the inability to communicate is his unmet expectations. So, to solve the problem of infidelity, first, let's stop blaming him.

Second, it would be really helpful to find out what he really expects and what emotional needs have not been met. Third, it would be great if you could see the expectations.

Communication is key!

It's so important to calmly address the issue of infidelity and communicate openly without blaming. It's also really helpful to explain what you really need emotionally.

2. Let's switch up our interaction model!

It's so important to learn to change the accusatory interaction model and the appeasement response into consistent communication.

Let's make sure we're all on the same page! We'll be working on consistent communication.

Satir's therapeutic model teaches us that when we communicate with others, it's important to make sure that what we say and do match up with how we feel inside. This way, we show everyone involved in the conversation that they matter to us.

People who use this model are really in touch with themselves. They speak and act consistently, have a harmonious inner balance, and have a relatively high sense of self-worth.

Let's dive in and explore how we can communicate consistently!

I'm going to share with you some sentence patterns that I've found really helpful for consistent communication.

When you find yourself in a situation where you want to express something to someone, it can be helpful to start with "When..."

The two of you can describe the situation at hand without getting into any accusations or emotions.

"My feelings are..."

It's so important to be open and honest with each other. Try to express your true feelings and emotions to the other person when you're together.

I really hope...

It's so important to be clear with each other about what we want and need from each other. It's also helpful to make sure that what we're asking for is something we can actually do and see.

I truly believe that...

Let's look to the future together and share our hopes and dreams for a bright future.

I'm really sorry to hear that you cheated on me again. I was really hurt and disappointed. I hope you can tell me what happened or what you went through after our last conversation that made you not keep your promise.

I know you still love me. I'm sure there's a good reason for what you did. Please tell me, and we'll work through it together.

You say this, taking into account your feelings, your husband's feelings, and the situation. You only talk about feelings and don't accuse. This allows your husband to understand your mood, and his emotions are noticed by you. Without being accused, he doesn't feel burdened inside and won't refrain from telling the truth because he wants to please you.

3. Give him what he needs, my friend!

A good marriage needs to be nurtured, and the best way to do this is to learn to give what your partner needs and to show them love.

It's so important to remember that everyone understands love differently, and the way they express and receive love is likely to be different. Dr. Gary Chapman has come up with a great way of categorizing the different ways we express and receive love. He says there are five "languages of love": "affirming words", "quality time", "exchange of gifts", "acts of service" and "physical touch".

Affirming words are so important!

No matter if you're friends, colleagues, lovers, or husband and wife, you need to hear praise and affirmation. And the more positive feedback you give each other, the stronger your relationship will be!

Moments of Care

Precious moments are those wonderful times and memories you share with your partner, like a romantic candlelit dinner or doing something meaningful together. During these moments, it's so important to give your full attention to your partner.

It's so lovely to accept gifts!

Exchanging gifts on important holidays is a wonderful ritual that can really bring you and your partner closer together. The gift itself is a lovely symbol of your love and commitment to each other.

The wonderful thing about serving is that it's a way of showing love and appreciation.

In short, do what your partner wants you to do and make them happy by helping them out with little things here and there.

Physical contact is a wonderful way to show your love and affection for each other. It can be as simple as a hug or a hand holding. These gestures can brighten up your day and show your partner how much you care.

Holding hands, hugging, and other physical contact can really help to increase the affection between you two. It's a wonderful way to show your love for each other, and it's a beautiful, silent language of love.

I get the feeling that you haven't yet fully expressed your love for each other. It's not enough to be just familiar with each other. When you feel truly loved by your husband, when you feel happy and fulfilled inside, he'll be less likely to look for love and attention elsewhere.

Marriage management is an art. If you manage it well, your marriage will stabilize. I truly believe you have the ability to manage your marriage well and start a new life.

I'm so happy for you and I really hope things work out for you.

Be honest with him and talk to him.

I have read your messages. We know you're hurt, but we'll be there for you. I think you're trying to decide whether to keep struggling or move on.

Let's solve your problems.

Regulate your emotions.

We can accept marriage's imperfections and not let small things bother us. Regulate your emotions and work hard for a happy future marriage.

The person involved is blind to the situation, but you can see it clearly.

Seek professional help to relieve your emotions. You may suddenly understand after receiving guidance and advice. They will help you analyze the problem and provide advice. Seeking professional help is also a good choice.

Be confident and overcome your insecurities.

If your husband has already cheated, you need to boost your self-confidence. Try dance or yoga to improve your mood, and dress up to look your best.

Show your husband how strong you are. A woman will only be noticed for her beauty if she loves herself.

A woman must be strong and in control. She will not be defeated, and she will win the psychological battle so that she can compete with her husband and the third party!

Don't talk about the past.

What do you want to do now that you know your husband has cheated? Do you want a divorce or to stay with him?

If he can change, don't bring up the past. It's humiliating. If he wants to change, he'll cheat again.

If we want to live with him, we need to communicate well and set some rules to stop him cheating. We need to strengthen our relationship and be positive when problems arise, dispel our concerns about marriage, and use legal weapons to protect our rights.

I hope the questioner can have a happy ending. If he betrays us, we'll treat him like an enemy. Why tolerate him? We can do the same.

You can do it, questioner!