You've broken up with a friend, you're angry, you don't want to lose her, you're so unhappy?

Dear questioner, From your question description, it is evident that this friend is of great importance to you, as she was your only friend from elementary school to high school. Consequently, she occupies a significant position in your life. However, when you were in college, you ended the friendship, experiencing feelings of reluctance, abandonment, and betrayal. Despite your desire to maintain the friendship, you have been unable to do so, leading you to blame and question her.

Dear questioner, I empathize with your situation, but I urge you to take a moment to collect your thoughts before attempting to define the nature of your friendship. Have you considered the possibility that your current understanding of friendship may be influenced by external factors?

From childhood to adulthood, perceptions undergo constant improvement and change. Nothing remains static; even friends evolve. Friendships may be formed around shared interests and hobbies, but these interests and hobbies may shift over time. New friends may also be encountered who share similar interests. It is not realistic to expect oneself or one's friends to remain static. This is a natural aspect of human development. Similarly, it is not reasonable to expect a friend to remain exclusive.

It is important to understand that the fact that your best friend has friends does not diminish your importance. You are also a significant figure in her life. It is my hope that you will be able to resolve this issue and reconcile with your best friend.

I extend my warmest regards to you and the world at large.

Hello question asker.

From what I know, I can't tell if you're a man or a woman, a student or an office worker.

The four roles lead to different perspectives. One can only guess. There may be some mistakes. Please forgive me! I applaud you for being kind and caring. If I'm allowed, I'll give you a hug to empower you and show the power of warmth and understanding!

From your description, I can tell you are a kind person who puts your friends first. You accept their good and bad news, and you are sad when they are upset. You thought your friendship would last forever, but it ended suddenly. You are hurt and angry, and you blame yourself for what happened.

You can't escape. You're surrounded by your "bestie"'s messages. You moan and scream, but no one hears or sees.

If you are a woman, you are a "close friend." This means you only have one or a few close friends with whom you can talk about anything.

The ideal state is divided into best friends, soulmates, and "close friends" (or "iron buddies"). In relationships, there is nothing more than chatting, flirting, going out together, and helping each other to improve. Two strong women usually cannot become "close friends" because they cannot complement each other. They cannot match each other for a long time, and even if they spend some time together, they will soon part ways.

1) You're first in her heart, but where do you rank? Which of the three relationships does she fall into?

2) You're not the only one. He's not a person with three minds and two hearts.

Why should you limit yourself to someone else's standards?

3) There are always exceptions or accidents. The relationship was "so-and-so" at one point, but it has deteriorated. You view the relationship as trash. Trash is something everyone discards, so why bother mentioning it?

4) Look up at the sky and see the shooting star. When you make a wish, look for the person. It's just time. You want to start over. As long as you want, it's easy. A song says: Tomorrow will be better! I believe that better luck is already waiting for you. Go and find that person.

If you're a man, "break up" is a big word! There's a reason for a man and woman breaking up. It's usually anger that's built up over time. Or, the person has met someone better and fallen out of love. As I write here, I really want to ask the questioner:

1) The anger that built up over time made you want to break up. Think back and ask yourself: What did the other person do that you couldn't tolerate?

(2) After the breakup, try to sense what they are feeling. You can guess whether they feel relieved.

You don't have to put up with how bad it was to get along with them. Will you tell your best friend about this and then complain to them about your problems?

3) Every time you see him/her after that, think about how they act: contempt, preening, affection, self-blame, not wanting to see you, rolling their eyes, etc. Don't you want to know why?

In real life, it's easy to find out about someone's life.

4) The other person will live a good or bad life, depending on whether you're curious. It won't benefit you, and it might hurt you. You don't need to use their emotions against yourself.

5) Time will cure your disgust for your partner. Calm down and stop thinking the worst of yourself. The relationship might have been as good as you thought it was at the beginning.

Being strangers is best for us.

6) Letting go is not the same as giving up, and depression is not the same as admitting defeat. You can regain your willpower and start a new friendship!

What are your thoughts on writing here? Do you have anything to tell me?

Is there something you want to clarify?

Peiwen, thanks for listening on Yixin!

Hello. I'm guessing you're still in school, while I've graduated for many years. We probably have different views on friends. If you like, you can refer to our thoughts.

A friend is someone who shares your interests. Friends are people who have always been on the same path.

Some people drift apart because they take different paths. At a fork in the road, you go left and she goes right, and that's the end of it.

Having a friend is simple. The real challenge is that after facing all kinds of adversity, two people can still walk on the same path.

These friends are rare and should be treasured.

This is the situation we most often experience: at different stages, we become friends with different people and then part ways. We meet because our thoughts and interests align at that moment in time.

Let me be clear: the separation is not anyone's fault. It's just because of different ideas.

It is normal for the questioner to feel aggrieved after being unilaterally dismissed as a friend by a friend and to believe that the other party looks down on them. The questioner can vent their grievances safely, whether by running or punching a sandbag. When they are tired, they can sleep soundly, and the real work is done when they calm down.

When you have calmed down, think about whether the two of you have developed very different ways of thinking, for example, about a certain matter or person. What is the reason for this difference? There is no hierarchy of differences. They are just different standpoints.

If your opinions differ because of different stances, it means your mindsets have diverged and you've gone down different paths. If your opinions have a hierarchy, the questioner must decide who is higher and who is lower. If the questioner is higher and wants to maintain the relationship, they must be compatible with your friend and accept her shortcomings. If the questioner is lower, they must identify why there is a gap between them and your friend and how they can improve.

I wholeheartedly endorse the growth mindset model outlined in "Growing for Life." We must acknowledge our shortcomings and strive to become better individuals. When we flourish, opportunities will arise.

I want to focus on one of the author's statements. The author thinks his friend looks down on you as a junior college student. Let's be real: it's not your friend who looks down on junior college students. It's the author who looks down on himself.

I know this may make the OP feel uncomfortable, but I'm going to say it anyway. I was very uncomfortable reading the OP's description. If my friend said something like that to me, I would be angry.

My friend is treating me like a snob, assuming I look down on junior college graduates just because of the difference in educational background. If I experienced this kind of situation a few times, I would simply stop being friends with this person, who thinks so badly of my character.

I don't know the questioner or the questioner's friend, but I'm certain the questioner can think objectively when calm, just assuming that they are a bystander watching everything that happened. The questioner needs to decide whether the questioner's friend really caused the current situation.

The questioner has the potential to become a remarkable person with continued growth and improvement. He will attract more and more like-minded people around him. I know he can do it!

Hello, questioner.

From what you've said, it seems like you and your friend have drifted apart, and your friend has found other friends, which makes you feel a bit threatened.

Why do you feel threatened? It seems like you have a strong possessive desire for your friend. It's as if you think this friend belongs only to you. But we have to understand that everyone is an independent person, and no one belongs to anyone else. That means friends also need boundaries and distance. Maybe your friend feels that you've violated her boundaries, and that's why she's angry with you. You see that she has other friends, and that makes you feel very uncomfortable. You think that your friend no longer belongs to you, so you break up with her. That's also a sign of an inferiority complex. Your emotions—an inferiority complex plus your possessiveness—have caused this friendship to break up. Is that right?

This is just my guess, so it might not be right. If it makes you uncomfortable, I'm sorry.

It doesn't matter whether you feel those emotions or not. What matters is that any relationship needs to have some boundaries. Boundaries are our limits and what we're not willing to do. If you don't let your friend be friends with other people, you're actually stepping on your friend's boundaries because friends have the right to make their own decisions, and you don't have the right to get in the way. So when you tell your friend not to be friends with other people, you're stepping on your friend's bottom line, and your friend will get angry, and the friendship will end.

It's important to learn to respect your friends' boundaries and let go of your possessiveness. This will only lead to problems. It's also crucial to understand that friends aren't divided according to their academic qualifications. A true friend will value you for who you are, not just your qualifications. Boost your self-confidence, let go of your possessiveness, and treat your friends sincerely. In return, they'll treat you sincerely and believe in you.

I hope this helps.