At 31, I'm still anxious due to a terrible mother, unable to find a way out...

Hello, I'm Liu Nian!

After reading your words carefully, I fully understand how you have been feeling for a long time under the influence of your mother's negative emotions. It is an indescribable burden that makes people feel suffocated and helpless. But you are not a victim of this situation! You are a survivor!

The transition from carefree childhood to the exciting journey of adulthood is an incredible opportunity for personal growth and development.

In psychology, we often talk about the incredible influence of the "original family." This fascinating concept highlights the profound impact that a person's family environment, parent-child relationship, and education methods have on their character formation and mental health during their growth process.

From your description, I can sense that your mother has some room for improvement when it comes to emotional management and parent-child communication. This is something she can work on! It may be due to her own experiences, stress, or personality traits.

However, this does not mean that you have to bear all the responsibility or suffering for it.

You mentioned that under the influence of your mother, your life has become gray since a certain point in time, and this continuous experience of negative emotions has likely affected your mental health.

It's so important to remember that you deserve to be respected, understood, and loved! Unfortunately, being surrounded by negative emotions such as sarcasm, mockery, and verbal humiliation for a long time can make people feel inferior, helpless, and desperate. But you can take control of your life and choose to feel good about yourself!

The first thing you need to understand in this situation is that your feelings and emotions are real and important—and you can do something about them!

It's time to acknowledge your feelings and emotions! This is the first step towards liberating yourself.

You are not responsible for your mother's negative emotions, and you should not feel guilty or self-blame for this. You have the right to protect your emotional boundaries and refuse to accept any form of verbal or physical harm. This is your right!

I totally get it. Being an only child, you feel the weight of responsibility to take care of your mother until the end of her life.

This is a complex and sensitive issue that gives you the chance to respect your feelings while also considering family responsibilities and ethics.

But remember, you don't have to sacrifice your happiness and mental health to take on this responsibility! You can seek professional help, communicate and negotiate with family members, and find a more appropriate solution.

I'm excited to share a psychological concept with you that I think you'll find really helpful: "emotional regulation." It's a process that helps you monitor, evaluate, and correct your emotional experiences and behavioral expressions.

It helps us to better manage our emotions, reduce the impact of negative emotions, and improve our quality of life and sense of well-being. You can try to learn some amazing emotional regulation techniques and methods, such as deep breathing, meditation, mindfulness exercises, etc., to help you better cope with the negative emotions of motherhood and your own stress.

And there's more! You are not alone. Many people have experienced similar dilemmas and challenges during their growth process.

You can do it too! Through active efforts and exploration, they have found ways to cope with family problems and improve their sense of self-worth and happiness. You can also try joining some relevant support groups or communities to share experiences and feelings with like-minded people and gain more support and encouragement.

Finally, I want to encourage you to embrace your emotions and needs with confidence. Don't hold back — express your feelings with passion! And don't settle for less than what you deserve because you're afraid of conflict.

You can find your own path to happiness when you truly respect your feelings and needs!

Give the OP a hug! I can feel the OP's internal feelings of depression, grievance, anger, and confusion. On the one hand, she is her mother and a relative, and blood is thicker than water. On the other hand, her mother's words, accusations, denials, and insults have caused the OP a lot of internal harm. It is really quite difficult to want to be good to your mother, but not be able to find a suitable excuse to convince yourself. Not being good to your mother makes you feel bad about yourself. The fact is, you should be good to your mother. It's not easy, but you should try.

From the situation described by the questioner, it is clear that the questioner was forced to live with her grandparents instead of her parents when she was very young. Fortunately, her grandparents gave her enough attention and care. The questioner views her grandparents as her "real parents" who loved her, while her birth parents were "outsiders" who abandoned her and didn't love her.

Although I was very young at the time, I knew deep down that the changes in my living environment and the smell of the people around me made me feel abandoned. I was convinced that I was to blame for being abandoned, and that my parents were unreliable and dangerous. So, later, when my grandfather died and my grandmother developed Alzheimer's, I once again felt the fear and pain brought on by separation and death. I lost my original happiness, and at the same time, I had to face the verbal abuse from my mother, who was very unfamiliar to me. I was unable to escape and rebel, and this change brought a great impact to my heart.

From a psychological perspective, the verbal abuse and hurt caused by the mother's treatment of the subject are a clear reflection of her extreme inner anxiety, fear, anger, lack of security, and self-confidence. Her emotions are unstable, and she is unable to properly express her concern and love for the subject. She treats the subject this way because she needs to release her inner emotional pressure and experience a sense of achievement when the subject is unable to resist.

Her instinct is to do this because she believes it is best for the questioner. This may be related to her upbringing and the emotional relationship between her and the questioner's father. The questioner does not mention the father in the entire message. The questioner's mother expresses that the relationship between the questioner's parents is not good, which is also an important reason for her to treat the questioner in this way. She transfers her anger and resentment towards her husband to the questioner and uses this as a way to retaliate against him.

It is undeniably challenging for children to grasp and accommodate a mother who treats them in a certain way. They may not comprehend the reasons behind her behavior, but they are nevertheless compelled to accept her as she is.

She would choose differently if she had a choice. She wants to live happily and treat her children with gentleness and love. She just can't control her emotions, doesn't know what to do, and doesn't have enough support, comfort, help, or strength around her. She feels lonely and helpless.

My mother is an individual with her own needs, choices, freedom, and lifestyle. She has the right to live her life as she chooses, and the questioner has the right to live their own life. If they cannot accept or understand certain aspects of my mother's life, they have the option not to. However, they should refrain from refuting, approving, or accusing, and accept that my mother's way of life is different from their own.

The questioner must decide how to handle her mother's negative accusations. She can express her suppressed emotions to her mother or maintain distance. Either way, she must stop suppressing herself to please her mother and avoid being affected by her words and actions. These are personal opinions for the questioner's reference only.

Greetings, questioner.

If it were possible, I would offer you a gesture of comfort in the form of a hug, with the intention of providing solace to your heart, which seems to be overwhelmed by pessimism and despair, and which may be on the verge of collapse due to the influence of your mother.

It is evident that this individual is experiencing a profound emotional distress.

After reading your post, I was struck by a profound sense of empathy and understanding. It became clear to me that, at the age of 31, you are still grappling with the debilitating effects of depression and panic.

The source of this suffering is a mother who is highly controlling, extremely emotional, and easily hysterical.

It is reasonable to conclude that any child suffering from such a mother would experience significant distress and overwhelm.

Let us begin by discussing the nature of your anxiety.

It is evident that the source of your anxiety is the experience of being morally kidnapped and controlled by your mother. You have a multitude of grievances and feelings of anger.

The long-term suppression of these emotions has resulted in a state of emotional distress and a perception of an inner world that is characterized by a pervasive sense of darkness and cloudiness.

Furthermore, your grandparents, who held you in high regard during your formative years, were unable to fulfill their filial duties, resulting in feelings of guilt and regret.

Furthermore, the death of your grandfather also resulted in the accumulation of unresolved traumas, which have contributed to the persistence of your depressive state.

It would be beneficial to discuss your relationship with your mother.

Although the subject did not elaborate on the specifics of his relationship with his mother, it is evident that he endured verbal violence and belittlement during his formative years, coupled with an emotional state that bordered on hysteria.

This individual's emotional state can be readily linked to a proclivity for radicalism and rage. Such individuals are typically characterized by feelings of insecurity.

A strong desire for control and aggression is evident, as is a tendency to belittle and suppress the other person, despite the fact that she is, in fact, extremely inferior.

Thus, your control may serve as a means of compensating for her inner sense of security.

What is the optimal course of action to achieve resolution?

In the event that an individual is currently experiencing a severe depressive episode, it is imperative to ascertain whether the administration of pharmacological agents may be beneficial.

Furthermore, the depressive and anxious symptoms are underpinned by a multitude of complex negative emotions, including those directed towards the grandparents and mother.

These issues are the result of a multitude of traumatic experiences and require a systematic approach to their resolution.

First and foremost, the grief caused by the grandfather's death must be assessed. The question then arises as to whether it should be dealt with.

Furthermore, it is necessary to determine whether the sense of indebtedness towards the grandmother or the regret and self-blame for being unable to care for her personally should be addressed.

A significant aspect of this process is the restoration of the relationship with the mother.

It is essential to comprehend the underlying factors contributing to the subject's current emotional state in order to facilitate a more effective approach to therapy.

It is essential to comprehend the manner in which one's mother adversely affected the parent-child bond and caused harm during one's upbringing.

Furthermore, it is essential to address the issue of how to express hatred for one's mother and how to overcome this emotion.

The final issue that requires attention is the ability to live an independent life, learn to care for oneself, and love oneself without the influence of one's mother.

I am Counselor Yao, and I will continue to provide you with support and assistance.

Hello, I'm Super Sister from Yixinli!

You're such a kindhearted soul! You want to take care of your mother and make your family happy, which is why you're feeling anxious about your mother.

I am also a daughter. If my parents are unhappy or not feeling well, I just can't bring myself to smile. Sometimes I even cut off all entertainment and tell my husband, "How can I be happy when my parents are like this?" And then there are times when I take the children out for activities and fun, and I feel a little uneasy and guilty inside.

I'm sure you're wondering why children are afraid to be happy when their parents are unhappy. Well, the reason is actually...

1. Children love their parents unconditionally.

2. We often don't realize that we're independent individuals, and we can end up deeply connecting our parents' feelings to our own.

And you know what? We can choose to do this:

1. It's important to remember that parents and children are independent individuals. This also includes our children. We've all been through a lot, so it's essential to not let our emotions affect our kids.

We all have our own joys and sorrows, and our own life's problems to solve. When we carry the feelings and fate of others, we also deprive them of the vitality to take responsibility for their own lives. Let's be there for each other!

I'm here to help!

2. Practice expressing your needs and requests. You've got this!

Hellinger also came up with some helpful ideas about how families should be structured. In a nutshell, he said that there should be a natural order to family relationships and that emotions should flow in a positive way.

Parents are like the upstream of a river, independent and self-willed people, while children are the downstream. As children, they are not qualified to change them. But that doesn't mean they can't help and accompany them! They should live their own lives well and then do what they can to help and accompany them.

It's so important to remember that, no matter what your mother says or does, you must first take care of yourself. If you can, it's a great idea to encourage her to get some support from a professional. If she doesn't want to, that's okay too. You just need to respect her wishes.

She chose her path, and that's okay! We all have to learn to take responsibility for our own lives.

I really hope you can find a way to feel comfortable, be brave, and happy.

Dear questioner, Be grateful for this moment.

I can feel your anger, anxiety, and helplessness. Hugs!

Let's talk.

1. Seeing your own anxiety

Your mother didn't give you the love and support you needed when you were growing up. She was emotionally unstable and treated you badly. This has left you with psychological problems. She has become increasingly crazy in the past two years. She slapped herself in front of you and your father, saying that you don't know how to be grateful and considerate. She also said that our family has caused her to suffer for her whole life.

You don't know how to deal with your mother's intense emotions or her self-injurious behavior. You will need to support her in the future, so there is no escape.

You don't know how to get along with your mother or help her change. You're worried about how she affects your family. These make you anxious, worried, scared, helpless, and distressed.

Seeing these emotions will help you feel less stressed. Write down the things that make you feel this way, and think about them to understand yourself better.

2. Understand your mother.

You don't have much information, but it's clear your mother made a bad impression on you. She probably wasn't happy either. She wanted something from this family and got upset when she didn't get it.

I'm not justifying her, but helping you see your mother as an outsider. She's become neurotic and crazy. The worst was when she slapped herself, saying I was ungrateful and inconsiderate. She said our family caused her lifelong suffering. I think she needed to learn to manage relationships, communicate, resolve conflicts, manage emotions, and grow.

Marriage is between two people. She can't change your father, and he can't satisfy her, so she vents on you.

"She enrolled me in an experimental class at a high price, even though I didn't want to." Have you ever thought about why she did that? Did she want to help you learn and live better in the future?

Is she thinking of you and trying to help you, or is she just being kind?

The mother has become increasingly neurotic and crazy in the past two years. She slapped herself in front of my father and me, saying that I was ungrateful and inconsiderate, and that our family had caused her to suffer for her whole life. This behavior is shocking and emotional blackmail. She would rather hurt herself than hurt you. This is also a way for her to vent her emotions. She craves your attention.

She doesn't know how to express herself. She's pitiful.

We think the mother's behavior is extreme and makes people want to escape. If we understand her, perhaps we can change her.

3. Change yourself.

We can't change others, only ourselves. We should understand others, not run away or confront them.

We have many resources, such as the support of our partners, fathers, and children. We can also find girlfriends and mental health professionals for help. We can learn about psychology, emotional management, or the content of the original family. We can improve and change our own thinking and find ways to heal ourselves and our mothers.

You can also reconcile with your mother through writing or therapy. Accept her, let go of your expectations, and love her.

When we change, the world changes too. You worry you can't do it. You can.

You need to find your inner strength and do it little by little.

I hope this helps. Good luck!

Good day, I am ABC Fire Red. I am deeply saddened to learn of your experiences.

You have experienced significant challenges and difficulties throughout your life, particularly in the form of emotional and verbal abuse from your mother. This has resulted in feelings of anxiety and helplessness in your adult life. As a mother, wife, and independent adult, you are now facing the burden of unresolved emotional wounds and future responsibilities.

Let's work together to identify the issues and explore potential solutions and coping strategies.

First and foremost, it is crucial to gain a clear understanding of the situation. The experience of being a left-behind child has provided you with the love and support of your grandparents during your formative years. However, the unstable emotions and demanding behavior of your mother have had a profoundly traumatic impact on you.

It is important to note that negative experiences in childhood can have a significant impact on an individual's adult life. The attachment theory of American psychologist John Bowlby suggests that the relationship with the primary caregiver in early childhood can influence an individual's future emotional and behavioral patterns.

It is likely that your anxiety and unhappiness are a continuation of these early traumas.

We can now consider this issue from a different perspective. You have already mentioned that you are married, have your own child, and have independent financial means, which are all remarkable achievements.

Caring for your child also allows you to nurture your own well-being and security.

As a mother, you have the right to set boundaries regarding your emotions and behavior. A sense of boundaries is an important part of maintaining good mental health.

In his book, Harvard psychology professor Henry Cloudley asserts that establishing healthy personal boundaries can help us better cope with external pressures and emotional manipulation. When spending time with your child, you can try to express your feelings and needs clearly, minimize unnecessary contact, and avoid being hurt again.

In practical terms, you may wish to consider the following suggestions:

1. Form a support system. Seek assistance from family, friends, and a partner. Disclose your feelings to them and allow them to grasp your situation. This can provide you with additional emotional support and strength.

2. Self-healing: Self-care methods such as meditation, exercise, and journaling can help you relieve stress and enhance self-awareness. Identify activities that promote happiness and relaxation, and work towards regaining inner peace.

3. Set boundaries: Clearly inform your mother of your limits and do not allow her emotions and behavior to affect your life. If necessary, you can reduce contact to protect your mental health.

The original poster has taken a significant step by establishing their own family and independent life. This is an important source of strength and hope. While the issues of the mother remain a concern, the original poster can rely on their own efforts and professional support to find a solution and live a peaceful and happy life.

I extend my best wishes to the original poster for a happy life. Should you have any further questions or comments, please do not hesitate to leave a message in the comment section.

Hello, question asker. I can see that you're facing some confusion, and I'm here to support you.

I believe you are an incredible mother for being able to have your own child and raise them on your own.

It's possible that your mother's upbringing may have contributed to her current behavior, which could include verbal humiliation, physical abuse, or scolding.

It might be the case that in the era she grew up in, her parents treated her that way.

It may be the case that in her subconscious, she feels that a dutiful son is produced under the rod.

It might be challenging to change her mindset, given that it's already deeply ingrained.

As you mentioned, when you were younger, you had to accept her way of treating you and her children. Otherwise, it's likely you wouldn't have survived.

Now that you are grown up, married, and have your own children, you have the opportunity to consider your mother's actions in a different light.

You are now in a position to support yourself.

If you feel that your mother's behavior is affecting your daily life, you might want to consider taking some more extreme measures.

As a potential solution, you might consider blocking all her contact information.

This will prevent her from interfering with your life.

You are now an independent individual with the right to choose how you want to live your life.

Many people are facing similar challenges on this platform, so I want you to know that you are not alone.

I truly hope that the issue you're experiencing can be resolved as soon as possible.

At this moment, I can only think of the above.

I hope my above answer is helpful and inspiring to you, the questioner. I am the answerer, and I study hard every day.

I would like to extend my best wishes to you here at Yixinli.

I hope this message finds you well. I just wanted to drop you a quick line to see how you're doing.

You've been through a lot. Your mother's behavior has caused you a lot of pain.

Your life is important. You don't exist to make her happy. You have the right to live your life.

You may need to set some boundaries with your mother. For example, you can reduce the frequency of contact and only talk about safe topics.

If she sends you an angry voice message, you can ignore it for now. When you're ready, give a short but firm response.

You can also ask your father or other relatives for help with your mother.

Pay attention to your feelings and needs. Love and care for yourself. You've been working hard to get by, so don't let your mother's problems make you feel bad about yourself.

You can find your way out.

If you feel you're not good enough, don't give up. Change takes time and effort.

As long as you're willing to try, you're moving in the right direction.

Hello, questioner!

Given the challenges you've faced with your mother, it's important to recognize that as a child, you had no control over your parents' actions. It's understandable that your mother's negative emotions and behaviors affected you during your growth process, as they likely had a significant impact on your psychology.

Even after you've achieved financial independence and started a family in adulthood, those early experiences will still affect your emotional state and family relationships to some extent. Hugs to you!

Based on my personal knowledge and experience, I'd like to share my views with you.

First, consider seeking professional psychological counseling.

If you can, I'd suggest seeking professional counseling. A trained counselor can help you understand your emotions, provide coping strategies, and help you learn how to handle your relationship with your mother.

2. It's important to set healthy boundaries for yourself.

This could mean limiting the number of times you speak to your mother, telling her in no uncertain terms what you won't put up with, and making it clear how you'll stand your ground if she starts acting up.

3. It's important to take care of yourself. Make sure you have time for self-care, whether it's through exercise, hobbies, meditation, or anything else that relaxes and recharges you.

4. Look for social support. Find friends, relatives, or support groups who can give you emotional support and understanding.

Sometimes, just knowing that someone is there to listen can make a big difference.

5. Learn to improve yourself and plan for the future. Understanding the effects of emotional abuse and family trauma will help you recognize that your feelings are valid and may even help you find new ways to cope.

Think about what you want for the future, including your relationship with your mother. While you may feel like you can't escape the situation, you can make positive changes to improve your quality of life and mental health with gradual efforts.

6. Avoid extreme thinking. When you think, "If I die, then wouldn't that solve the problem?" it's a sign you're thinking in an extreme way.

This shows you need to get help right away because there's always a way to solve problems, and there's a lot of value and potential in your life.

7. The role of children. As an only child, you may feel responsible for taking care of your aging mother.

You have the right to set your own boundaries and you don't have to sacrifice your own happiness to meet all of her needs.

In short, change may take time and it may be challenging, but it's worth it for your own happiness and health. Don't give up looking for help and support. You deserve to live a life full of love and joy.

Believe in yourself, hang in there, and know that I'm rooting for you!

Greetings.

You recount your experiences as a child, and you are now 31 years old, but you still experience anxiety due to your mother's negative emotional state. I can discern your feelings of powerlessness and helplessness.

Your grandparents exhibited remarkable tolerance and gentleness towards you until you reached the age of ten, allowing you to enjoy a carefree childhood. However, your life underwent a significant transformation upon your return to your mother.

Your mother displays a high degree of emotional instability, engaging in taunting, mocking, physical violence, and verbal abuse. From that time until the present, you have consistently experienced a lack of genuine happiness and a pervasive sense of emotional distress.

However, it is notable that you have managed to avoid becoming overly involved with your original family. Instead, you have taken the initiative to pursue your own goals and aspirations. This has included securing employment, establishing a marital partnership, and starting a family.

You have consistently pursued your own desires and assumed control over your life trajectory. You have rebuilt your life with your own resources.

The inner child has also begun to be nurtured and embraced once more. The subject has finally been able to maintain a greater physical distance from the mother, and has become strong and independent enough to do so.

Contact is only occasionally initiated or the children brought home, yet the mother consistently awaits the departure of her daughter before launching a verbal onslaught comprising numerous criticisms. This forces the daughter to act against her conscience and appease the mother. This situation is highly distressing for the daughter.

The prospect of being compelled to provide financial support for her in her advanced years and to acquiesce to her demands in the future is a source of considerable distress.

Indeed, the distress experienced by your mother is a consequence of her own upbringing, and it is not your responsibility to address. Regardless of whether you concede, negotiate, rebel, or disregard her requests, you will not be able to assuage her suffering.

The subject has been experiencing difficulties for decades, and this is an issue that she must address independently. If she does not take the initiative to implement changes, it will not be possible for anyone else to assist her.

Furthermore, it is essential to live one's life in a reserved manner. This is a subject that merits further discussion.

It is proposed that maintaining a psychological distance from one's mother and establishing a clear psychological boundary may serve to alleviate the anxiety experienced when in her presence, thereby facilitating the alleviation of the distress caused by the mother-daughter relationship.

Mothers are significant others in our lives, and relationship issues with them are also important to address. Relationships can often evolve and change over time.

When one party in a relationship undergoes a change, the other party will also undergo a corresponding change. In the past, the subject has consistently demonstrated a tendency to compromise and accommodate the other party, leading the latter to perceive the former as a constant entity devoid of change and to treat the subject accordingly.

When one ceases to accommodate the other, it is important to maintain one's independence within the relationship, maintain a distance, establish clear boundaries, and refuse to take responsibility for matters outside of one's control. Additionally, it is crucial to refrain from compromising without a clear and defined bottom line.

One must refrain from accepting responsibility when a mother claims that one's actions caused her pain. This is because the pain experienced by the mother is a personal responsibility.

The suffering that she endured was not a direct result of your actions, and therefore, it is not something that you can acknowledge.

It is important to maintain a certain degree of distance while still demonstrating appropriate concern. Given the mutual affection that exists between mother and daughter, it is crucial to take measures to preserve this bond.

It is important to maintain emotional stability while also avoiding becoming a target of unwarranted criticism. By establishing a sense of stability, one can then learn to adapt to the evolving relationship.

It is important to allow your mother sufficient time to adjust to the new relationship.

It is possible that the process of breaking old relationships and establishing new ones may be experienced as difficult and painful. There may be a period of chaos and darkness before reconstruction.

It is also possible, following the process of rebuilding, for the previous relationship model to be repeatedly reactivated. However, this does not prevent the continuation of the construction and maintenance of a new relationship.

If one persists in the endeavor, a novel mother-daughter relationship can be established.

This is the extent of my knowledge on the matter, and it is my hope that my response will provide some insight and stimulate further thought.

It is imperative that you love yourself as well as the world and I love you.

Hello, I'm Tongyan.

You stated that at 31, you still struggle with your mother's emotional outbursts, put-downs, and accusations. This causes anxiety, and despite being financially independent and having your own family, you still feel pain and lack direction.

From what you've told me, it's clear that you had a tolerant and gentle childhood when you lived with your grandparents.

Your mother's parenting style is clearly very different from your grandparents'. The successive deaths of your grandparents were such sudden changes and losses that it was not an easy thing for a teenager to deal with.

You were not ready, and you lost the most important person to you.

Your mother is unable to give you the love you want and expect, just as your grandparents did.

You may be an adult with your own family and the ability to live independently, but you still have a lot of unspeakable emotions for your mother.

Your mother's nervousness and emotional breakdowns over the past two years have made it more difficult for you to accept her departure and independence. She is using this as a method to control you. This is a problem she needs to deal with herself. It has nothing to do with you.

You are trying very hard to distance yourself from your mother, both externally and internally.

Your mother is probably aware of this distance and is therefore using increasingly extreme measures to force you to compromise, to comfort her, and to look after her.

Your mother's treatment of you is causing you pain and distress. It seems like there's no end in sight, and no hope. You want your own life, and you don't want your mother disturbing you. You just don't know what to do.

I believe you can explore the following three relationships.

First, intimacy. Intimacy is often seen as closely tied to the mother-daughter relationship.

Look at the patterns of interaction between you and your husband in your marriage. See which ones may have come from the experiences your mother brought to you. At the same time, identify the needs that are hidden behind this interaction.

At the same time, you need to explore your feelings about your mother and your current feelings in an intimate relationship, identify your expectations for your future life, and become the kind of person who can meet your own needs.

Get as much support and understanding from your husband as possible. Love is generated in a loving relationship, and you can't learn to love through study.

You will find it easier to accept that your mother was not fully capable of loving you when you experience more accepting love in your intimate relationships. This is because you have a longing for a mother and a desire for control.

Secondly, we must consider the parent-child relationship.

You have your own child, and the process of raising a child is a process of self-healing.

Observe and discover your own desires and needs in your interactions with your child. See your own needs as a child and love your child in the way you expect your mother to love you.

You must also identify which of your interactions with your child may have been influenced by your mother.

As you gain a deeper understanding of your interactions and patterns with your mother, you will undoubtedly gain clarity in your internal boundaries with her. You will also find that your mother's emotional and derogatory comments have less and less of an impact on you.

Third, the counseling relationship. If you feel that this problem is becoming more and more of a nuisance to you, or that it is affecting your current life, you should seek counseling.

Counseling is also an option you can explore.

In a safe and accepting relationship, you will see yourself more clearly.

I wish you the best.

Good evening, question asker. Thank you for your trust and for inviting me to answer. I hope my answer helps.

Your relationship with your mother has caused you to suffer for many years.

"I'm 31 and I've never been happy." I feel for you. I don't know how you've managed.

You have your own family and children. Things are going well, but you still have a difficult relationship with your mother.

As the only child, you have to get along with your mother, who is prone to emotional outbursts. You have to heal childhood wounds and smile and comfort her. It's hard.

The question is how to express yourself in your relationship with your mother so you can release your negative emotions.

You're kind, considerate, and tolerant with your mother. You've suffered a lot. You need to vent. Choose a way that suits you and adjust your emotional state.

When you feel better, think about how to get along with your mother. She is responsible for her own emotions, and so is your father.

Set boundaries, know you have a choice, and you'll find a better way to get along with your mother as you grow.

If you still have serious emotional ups and downs and things don't improve, you can also get professional help.

That's all for now. Love you!