I feel puzzled and suspicious of my mother, while I detest my father. I want to escape this home.

Hello, I'm a heart coach. Life is a beautiful journey, not for appreciation, but for growth.

They hug you lovingly, even though they've hurt you emotionally in many ways. You want to escape from home and the negative influence they have on you. Let's take a look at what's really going on:

Even though parents are adults, they still have their limits.

As you mentioned, Mom is really struggling with the pressure of work and has even attempted suicide a few times. Dad is a civil servant, and although he's helped a lot of people, he treats you and Mom with indifference and detachment.

This family makes you feel cold and scary. You can't understand their actions and decisions at all, so you want to escape, but you don't know how.

I've been thinking a lot about this saying I came across during the pandemic: "There is no such thing as a quiet life. Someone is carrying the burden forward for you."

In a family, there are parents and children, each with different roles, but everyone contributes to the family in their own way. For example, parents work to support the family, while children study and grow up.

Everyone has their own set of joys and responsibilities, as well as their own pressures and challenges.

Parents are already social creatures and have developed their own strategies for navigating the workplace. It's inevitable that there will be conflicts in any group, especially when there's competition between adults.

However, they sometimes can't properly process and deal with their own negative emotions and the pressure of work and life, and ultimately take it out on you, making you bear the emotional "garbage" that they should be taking out.

As a junior high school student, it's tough to understand and forgive your parents. "No experience without experience," but at least in your relationship with your parents, you can see their limitations and know that they are also imperfect.

No matter what they do to you, it's only what they can do with their limited understanding.

Break free from the constraints of your family of origin and take control of your life.

We learn not only how to get to college and get a good job, but also how to broaden our knowledge and horizons as we gain new knowledge, thereby broadening our thinking.

There's no one truth. When we can look at things from different angles, we can see more of the truth and thus have more choices and more freedom.

You're not quite independent yet, and you still rely on your parents' financial support to complete your studies. But you can "root yourself" to grow stronger.

You can become stronger through learning, and in the process of interacting with imperfect parents, you can find a "mirror" to learn from in the future, in your close relationships and interpersonal relationships, what is not desirable, so that the people you love and who love you can be treated gently.

"Fly Like a Bird to Your Mountain" is the author's autobiography. She suffered the negative influence of her original family for 15 years and was scarred. She also spent 10 years rewriting her life.

Parents are our original family, and we are the original family of our children. You always have the right to choose, and everyone can "live the meaning of life."

I hope this is helpful to you. I love you and I hope the world loves you too.

If you'd like to keep the conversation going, you can follow my personal homepage, "Heart Exploration Service."

Hello!

You're still staying at your aunt's house on the third day of the Chinese New Year. Staying at your aunt's house is not the same as visiting relatives. It's an escape from your home and from seeing your parents. I understand how you're feeling. Hugs to you!

I read your message.

Since fourth grade, my mom's been getting more and more agitated. She's tried to kill herself more than 15 times. I've tried to stop her, but we've fought a lot.

It's hard to imagine how you've spent the past six years with your mother. She tried to kill herself at least twice a year. You were the one who comforted her and talked her down. Despite the fighting, you took on a lot. You're only 15, and it's hard to see this. Hugs!

You have a good background: a capable father and a mother who is the head of the gastroenterology department at the hospital. How many people must you have hurt to get to where you are? I don't want to believe that your father treated your mother badly and that you feel this way about him. It's not easy to become a family, but you have, and it's beautiful.

That's just how things are. We can't choose our parents. We can only accept it and face it, so the pain is less.

I can see you're accepting this. Thanks to you, your mother could see a psychologist and live a normal life. You've done something few people your age can do. Well done!

Pain can't be avoided, but you can find ways to cope with it. That's why you are temporarily living at your aunt's house now. You need time to recover before you can move on to the next stage of a higher quality of life. So, I think it's a good idea to stay at your aunt's house during the Spring Festival. You can rest and recuperate here. This is not avoidance, it's biding your time. Just do what your heart tells you. Stay as long as you like. I believe your aunt is the person you trust the most.

I don't know the details of your parents' lives, but being a civil servant, doctor, or child's parent is hard. My baby also has the same struggles with his parents, but to a lesser degree. He has lost his temper and said that he couldn't hold his head up in the dormitory. Everyone says that his parents get along well, but he sees them fighting.

As a mom who fights with her kids, I hope my child can forgive me for losing control. I want my child to know I love him, but I have limits. I've told my child that if I don't fight with your father, I might lose control. Middle-aged couples also have difficulties.

You're in your third year of high school and facing the challenges of going to college. Your parents are pressuring you to understand them, but it's too much. You're not alone in feeling this way. Many people are also suffering from their parents.

I hope you can see your own strength. You have relied on your strength to support your mother despite not forgiving her. This means you can endure your emotions when faced with something you don't want to do, and do it for the betterment of the family. You have grown up a lot.

You don't need to forgive or forget them. Walk with them. Don't make things difficult. If you're tired of your mother, ignore her. She's your mother's business. She's responsible for herself. Your mother has already seen a psychologist. He will take care of himself.

As for your father, you may see him differently as you grow older. For now, treat him however you like. As long as you're happy, you're doing the right thing. They're all adults, and they're responsible for their own actions.

Don't make things difficult for yourself. Third year of junior high is stressful but also the best time of adolescence. Spend time with your peers. Chat and play with them more. Enjoy your youth.

You can change your approach to your father, mother, and family. You can do it! The world and I love you!

My name is Peilu.

First of all, I'm going to give you a hug.

Family trauma

My interpretation of the information is as follows:

The questioner stated, "Since the fourth grade of elementary school, my mother has been emotionally unstable and has committed suicide many times. She blames you for these reasons. My father's indifference and hypocrisy, as well as his various actions towards my mother, make you feel disgusted with him. Although you are currently living with your aunt, you still can't let go of the previous injuries. You can't accept these family relationships and want to escape. After reading your description, I feel very sympathetic towards your painful experiences and I also understand your difficult feelings. You have not felt the warmth and love of your family, but instead you have often received blame and complaints. I will give you a hug to bring you some warmth."

The reason is clear.

Family trauma

Your parents' words and actions have caused you irreparable pain. Your mother improved after receiving psychological treatment, but you still bear the brunt of what happened and the worries and fears you experienced. As a young child, you had to shoulder all the grievances during your mother's illness. Your father blamed her and even beat her up, creating a family atmosphere lacking a sense of security and daily fear. This has brought you a lot of negative emotions and a desire to leave home and escape the family relationships that make you feel uneasy.

—Personal advice—

You must accept this.

You have been trying hard to save your mother. I can see that you love her very much, despite your accusations against your father. You want a warm family, but you're struggling to cope with the reality of your mother's illness. It's understandable that you want to escape. You're still young and in junior high school. Now that your mother is slowly recovering, she's no longer blaming you. You've done a great job supporting her.

We cannot choose our origins, and this is truly helpless. We can only accept reality. But you should know that none of this is your fault. I am certain that as long as your mother actively cooperates with treatment, she will recover.

Adjustment

The parents' problems cannot be properly resolved in the short term, so don't put too much pressure on yourself. Your main task is to take care of yourself. Now that you are living with your aunt and have temporarily left your parents, you can have some breathing space to help you regain your calm.

Use this time to adjust your state. When you are sad, communicate more with trusted loved ones and increase some recreational activities. Don't dwell on negative emotions. Focus on positive and happy things.

You can do this.

I love you, world.

Hello, classmate. You're only in the third year of high school, which is so exciting! I can see that you've been living in the emotional turmoil of your mother since the fourth grade. She's made over 15 attempts to commit suicide by jumping off buildings, and you've pulled her back each time. I can imagine the repeated emotional shocks you've suffered for four or five years since you were in your early teens. I think that for such a young child, you may have repeatedly experienced anxiety, fear, and helplessness. During the incident, your father couldn't help you stop your mother's behavior or calm her down, so he just avoided it.

It's so sad to hear that the only intervention was to hit your mother, which triggered more anger in you. I can imagine that as a minor child, you are bearing the emotional pressure of your parents. I feel for you and can especially understand your confusion and doubt about your mother, as well as your disgust for your father.

You said you want to escape from home. I totally get it! Home was originally your base for growth, but at the same time, it is a place that brings you pain, stress, and fear. Escaping is a natural psychological need.

It's not just kids your age who say they want to get married young to get away from their parents. Some adults say the same thing. Nobody wants to stay in a painful situation.

I totally get where you're coming from with all your doubts and confusion. Let's chat about how we can understand your parents from a psychological perspective, which might help you understand what's going on with them.

It's important to remember that Mom's emotionality is a mental illness. Our minds include both thinking and emotions, and both can get sick. For example, people with schizophrenia will have hallucinations, seeing things that aren't there and hearing voices that aren't there.

Hearing voices and seeing visions are symptoms of a disorder in thinking and a malfunction in the sensory system. Common anxiety and depression are symptoms of a disorder in emotions and feelings. Mom may have problems with thinking and emotions and feelings. For example, she thinks that her emotions are triggered by you, which is a cognitive bias in interpersonal relationships. She has insufficient emotional regulation ability and is prone to emotional outbursts and impulsive behaviors such as jumping off buildings, which are related to emotions and feelings.

It's important to remember that illness is involuntary and not triggered by your behavior. It's also not something you can control on your own. You need long-term professional help from a counselor and doctor to get better.

If Dad avoids Mom's emotions, it may be that he has a tendency to avoid emotions and conflicts in relationships. It's not easy to learn how to deal with interpersonal conflicts and our own emotions and those of others when we're still growing up. When they encounter conflicts, they're often clueless and don't know how to respond, so they either avoid or suppress them. When they avoid to a certain extent, they will explode in anger.

I can see why your father was afraid to face your mother's emotions head-on. He just muddled through, putting you in the middle of it all. When he couldn't avoid it anymore, he got really upset and lashed out, saying that she was possessed by a demon and that he'd bought a talisman. His method of dealing with emotions and conflicts was simple and crude, as if he'd chased away the demon and driven it away, and your mother's emotions followed suit.

It's so sad to see how he deals with his emotions. He doesn't release and resolve them, but instead, he violently suppresses and drives them away. It's heartbreaking to see how Mom doesn't see this as domestic violence. I can't help but wonder if she can't live without the relationship. Maybe she needs her father, and compared to having no relationship, being beaten is a lower level of pain.

It's possible she also thinks she has an emotional demon inside her and wants to drive it away.

In any case, you've already done so much for your mother and for your father. Their marriage is their business, and you deserve to spend more time looking after yourself.

It can be tough to leave home when you're young and still rely on your parents. If your aunt's house is a safe and welcoming place, it might be a good option for you to stay there long-term. Or, if you're able to board at school, that could be another option. Having a little distance from your parents and a space to grow can be really beneficial.

I also wanted to check in about something else you mentioned in your post. It seems like your father might have told someone else that you and your mother were saying bad things about him. You said that you specifically stated that it was not a hallucination, which is great! I'm not sure if someone doesn't believe you and suspects that you are hearing things, but I'm here to help if you need me.

I believe in your perception of life and your surroundings, but I also think it's important to consider whether you may be suffering from the pain and distress caused by some trauma. If so, you should still explain it to your parents when you're ready (if your mother is in a bad mood, talk to your father, or find a parent you trust, such as your second aunt, and let her tell your father). They'll be happy to help you find a psychologist to talk about your distress.

I see so much resilience in you! You were so brave when you helped your mother, who was about to jump off a building. I truly believe that these rare qualities of yours will carry you forward.

It's almost New Year's Eve! I hope you have a wonderful and safe New Year. I'm sending you lots of love and hugs!

It sounds like you've been the family mediator for the past five years, taking care of your mother and putting up with your father, silently suffering the hurt they cause you. Despite your mother's constant mood swings and suicidal attempts, you've never given up on her. You've pulled her back from the brink and successfully persuaded her to see a therapist, which has improved her mood. That's really admirable!

This really takes a lot of patience and courage for a teenager.

Your father can help others outside the home, but when your mother needs help, he chooses to avoid it and use extreme measures. You expect him to stand up for you when you need help, but he doesn't. I can see how that would make you feel aggrieved, especially since your mother doesn't think what he did was wrong.

I can see that you're feeling disappointed in both your parents. It can be hard when no one in the family seems to be on your side, when you feel like no one cares about you, and when you feel helpless. It's totally understandable that you feel angry and want to distance yourself from these people and things.

I have a feeling that your folks might be having a bit of trouble communicating. But it's something they'll need to work through on their own.

Now that your mom's emotions are starting to calm down, I think it would be really helpful for you to first take a deep breath and let your parents handle things. You can tell them your thoughts on how they handled the situation, but don't suggest what they should do.

Secondly, I can tell that you still care about your mother. I think your father might feel that you and your mother are on the same side as him and fighting against him, which might be why he's criticizing you. It might help if you talked to your father about how you feel about some of his actions. That way, he'll understand how you see him.

In a family, each role has its own responsibilities, and problems between husband and wife should be dealt with by the two of them. It's also important to remember to take care of yourself! You're still not independent, so it's time to start working on that. Try to improve your ability to survive and take care of yourself.

Hello! I want to offer you a hug. I can imagine that the pain you have endured must be very difficult for you, but I want to tell you that you are not to blame for what has happened.

While the family you are born into is not something you can choose, you can choose how you act and respond to it. One way to do this is to take responsibility for yourself.

I believe you have the capacity to do it. You are a proactive person, and even though you are hurting inside, you don't avoid the problem. You choose to work hard to improve it.

From your description, I can see your courage and resilience. You are truly admirable! I encourage you to be your own master and take control of your life.

In light of these considerations, I offer the following response:

Firstly, it would be beneficial to focus on soothing the pain within. Secondly, it is important to embrace the person you are now.

1. Consider ways to ease your distress.

From what you have told me, it seems that your mother's mood has become increasingly agitated since the fourth grade of elementary school. I understand that she has committed suicide on more than 15 occasions. It seems that you have been present during these incidents and that there have been arguments during the process. In the past, your mother has expressed her feelings that you are responsible for her actions, stating that you cause her anxiety and breakdowns. I can appreciate that this must have caused you a great deal of distress.

I believe your mother's accusations against you are "unreasonable," and I understand that you are aware of this. The death of a loved one is always difficult to cope with, especially when you are a minor facing accusations in addition to the pain of your mother's suicide. I am here for you if you need anything.

The following description: "Now she may have seen a psychiatrist, so she changed her story and said she was just tired from work. (She is the chief physician of the gastroenterology department, so she is very busy.) After seeing the doctor, her mood began to improve, but I am still concerned that she may not fully recover. (It took me two years of encouragement before she finally went to see a psychiatrist.)"

The pain caused by your mother's suicidal behavior has never gone away. By acknowledging your own pain, you can begin to heal it.

In your description, you express feelings of animosity towards your father, perceiving him as insincere. You note that he is a civil servant of some status who has helped many people, yet when your mother experienced a nervous breakdown, he seemed to avoid her and did not offer you the support you needed.

It would seem that you desire your father's assistance, yet you are actually receiving only his violence and insults. Witnessing this can provide a certain degree of solace.

The renowned philosopher Nietzsche once posited that what does not kill you makes you stronger.

2. Strive to be the best you can be in the present.

I'm not sure what would be most helpful for students in junior high school today, but when I was in that age group, I found that I could improve my studies by studying more, getting to morning study on time, finishing my homework, staying awake in class, and building more confidence in my abilities. I was a bit passive at the time.

I wonder if you might also be feeling a little passive at the moment? Do you have any dreams or goals that you'd like to share?

I have come to view psychology as a field of interest with the hope of being able to help others help themselves. This is a personal choice I have made.

If I might make one more suggestion, it would be to embrace your true self. You are the master of your own life, so it's important to be true to yourself.

I would like to extend my love and support to you and the world.

Hello, classmate!

Your mother has suffered from mental illness since you were in the fourth grade of primary school. Now you are in the third year of junior high school, and it has been five or six years since she attempted suicide 15 times and blamed you for it. You must have felt very sad and helpless.

Your father has helped many people, but never you or your mother. When your mother had a nervous breakdown, he just ran away and even hit her. He and the others even scolded you and your mother, making you feel that he is a hypocrite and you hate him.

In this family, you are a child. You are unable to receive the love and care of your parents, and you have to endure their rebukes and insults. Just thinking about it makes you feel heavy!

Tell me, how have you spent all these years alone?

Your mother has gone to see a psychologist after your persuasion and no longer blames you. However, you are still afraid that she will go back to her old ways.

Your father should have stood up to help your mother when she broke down. He should not have shifted the blame onto her.

Your father avoids responsibility and even blames your mother to shift the blame. This is a clear lack of responsibility.

You feel no warmth and no support in this family, don't you?

It's one thing to feel unloved and uncared for, but there are also many reasons why you feel insecure. Your mother's actions and your father's refusal to take responsibility and protect you have left you feeling vulnerable. This has caused you lasting harm, so you want to escape from this family, don't you?

Your mother is also likely to be experiencing some of the same sources of harm from your father, in addition to the pressures of work.

Thankfully, your mother has started to feel better after seeing a psychologist at your urging.

You have also been hurt by your parents. Have you ever gone to see a psychologist or received psychological counseling?

You don't need to decide whether or not to forgive your parents. You can choose not to forgive them if you're not ready to do so.

You must care for yourself and let yourself out of the pain!

Avoid the source of the hurt by leaving the family.

You must heal from the psychological wounds to live a more peaceful and relaxed life!

You know the harm done to your mother and the harm done to yourself. So, you need to get over the hurt.

You convinced your mother to go to a psychologist for two years. You can certainly spend some time convincing yourself to go for counseling.

Home is a haven where we can rest when we are tired, but it can also hurt us.

Family members who hurt people are themselves hurting. They cannot provide us with a sense of security and belonging, and they hurt us in the same way they have been hurt.

You must find a way to stand up for yourself when harm is unavoidable, when you cannot change your family or leave the family home.

When you become strong, your family can't hurt you.

You can escape from this home, stay with your aunt, and then find a way to heal psychologically. You will be just fine.

I am Yan Guilai, your counselor. I will accompany you on your journey of self-discovery and truth-seeking!

If you find yourself in a situation where you don't see eye to eye with someone else, it's important to recognize that your differing views may be creating a negative energy. In such instances, it's essential to approach the situation with an open mind and a willingness to forgive and reconcile. This could involve addressing past issues, resolving conflicts, and learning to truly love others. By doing so, you can gradually shift the energy field and avoid or alleviate negative emotional problems. This approach can also be beneficial when communicating with your parents. By sharing this passage with them, you can help them understand the importance of growth and change.

To truly love others is to wish and give others happiness, and to do so for everyone, the outstanding, the ordinary, including the weak. This includes tolerating and accepting or forgiving and forgiving, correcting mistakes or shortcomings if possible, and recognizing everyone's right to happiness. People can bring mutual comfort and even joy to each other. It is beneficial to love and accept others and oneself, to tolerate shortcomings and inadequacies, and to be kind at heart, that is, to benefit others or society.

If you find that you don't get along with most people, it can sometimes lead to negative energy and emotional problems. It may be helpful to try to truly love others, adapt to people and things, and correct your energy field in order to be more likely to find and have a loving and suitable relationship and career. You can also share and exchange what you see, hear, think, and feel or your interests and hobbies, including books, movies, and music, etc., with others in real life and on the Internet, such as Douban communities.

It may be helpful to embrace love and contentment in all aspects of your life, including your love life and the small things in life.

It is worth noting that negative energy can affect your health. To keep your body comfortable and healthy, you might consider a full body massage, a head massage including the forehead and face (which also has meridians), a deep and forceful massage with your hands, a massage comb for the head, and avoiding pressing on your stomach on an empty stomach. You may also find it beneficial to take a walk afterwards.

Dear question asker,

From your description, it seems that your mother has gradually lost control and become overwhelmed, and your father's indifference has left a deep psychological impact on you. Although your mother has made progress after seeing a psychologist, you are concerned that she might face challenges in maintaining her stability.

Your father is a highly regarded person in the outside world. While he is kind to other people, he could perhaps be kinder to the family, including your mother and you. This may make you feel the need to escape from the family, and you may feel distressed by what you are going through.

Your mother may be experiencing an increase in emotionality, which could be related to her career and potentially also to your father. As the head of the gastroenterology department, she likely faces significant work-related pressure or pressure to advance in her career. This kind of workplace pressure cannot be replaced by a mother's experience, so it's difficult for me to fully understand what she is going through.

Your father, on the other hand, tends to blame your mother for everything, which can be a significant source of stress for her. If she doesn't have an outlet to relieve the stress in her life and at work, it can become overwhelming, and unfortunately, that can sometimes result in her losing control.

Now that your mother is receiving psychological counseling, it has created an opportunity for her to release the accumulated pressure, which will also reduce the number of times she loses control. It's just that at that time, your mother lost control too many times, and you have been exposed to pressures and fears that are beyond your years, so it's understandable that you are worried now.

It might be helpful for your mother to seek psychological counseling, and perhaps you could benefit from counseling as well to work through some of the challenges you're facing.

As for your father, it seems that instead of controlling your mother's outbursts, he resorts to domestic violence. It is also surprising to see that your mother accepts his treatment. You can see your father's indifference and ruthlessness towards the family, and his brutality towards your mother. It is understandable that you feel sad about having such a family.

However, you have the option of taking action to improve the situation at home. For example, you could express your concerns about the family to your parents and share your inner feelings and thoughts.

I hope this is helpful. Wishing you well!

Hello, question asker! It's so nice to meet you. I can really feel your story through your words.

"It's been a tough road, starting in the fourth grade and now in the third year of high school." I can only imagine how much you've been through in these past six years. I'd love to hear how you've managed to get through it all.

"After seeing the doctor, my mood started to improve, but I'm still afraid that she will become like she was before." I'm so happy to hear that your mother's mood has improved! It's a really positive sign.

I totally get why you're still worried she'll fall back into her old ways. Mental health problems take time to recover from, and it's so important to have the right support in place to help you through it.

Even though your mom's doing better now, there's no guarantee she won't face new challenges or have a setback. It's so important to keep supporting her in her treatment and recovery, and to stay in touch with her psychologist or treatment team.

"He's a civil servant with some status and has helped many people. But when my mother had a nervous breakdown, he just avoided it and never helped me, which I know wasn't his intention."

I can sense your helplessness and resentment towards your father for not doing more when your mother had a nervous breakdown. As a civil servant, he has helped many people, but I can see that your father hasn't been as active as he could have been in fulfilling his responsibilities and taking care of the family.

"But I can't forget the pain she caused me before, and I just can't forgive her for what she did. I want to escape from this family." You've taken the first step by establishing boundaries, which is a great idea because you want to create a safe and stable environment for yourself.

I totally get it. You want to be independent, but it's hard when you're around your family. Even though you're living with your aunt now, you're still struggling with your family and feeling like you can't do it on your own. I know you've been tired and lonely.

You're currently in your third year of high school, which is so exciting! It's a great time to focus on your personal development so you can make the best decisions about your future. Make sure you do a great job of academic planning and future planning, and don't forget to set some boundaries with your parents.

- When you're hurting, it's okay to share your feelings with people you trust, like family, friends, or teachers. They'll be there for you with a shoulder to cry on and a listening ear. And remember, don't ignore your emotions — they're there for a reason!

Take care of yourself, sweetheart, and learn to release stress. For example, do sports, listen to music, and hang out with good friends.

This is the perfect example of how knowledge and action go hand in hand. It's like those thousand sails passing by the sunken ship, or spring arriving before the tree that's fallen ill. I truly hope that we can all enjoy a lifetime full of happiness!

Dear questioner, let me give you a warm hug first because I can tell you're going through a rough time. I know it's been tough, but you have to remember that you have the power to shape your own future, no matter what has happened in the past.

I know your mother's emotional problems are causing you a lot of stress. But you need to know that therapy with a psychologist is a long process and she needs time to heal and adjust.

You might want to try communicating more with your mother, understanding her feelings, and giving her more care and support. At the same time, you could also keep in touch with a psychologist to understand the treatment plan and progress.

I get it. You're disgusted and resentful about your father's behavior. But remember, he's an adult with his own way of thinking and acting.

You might want to try communicating with him to express your feelings and needs, but don't expect him to change immediately. If that doesn't work, you could ask other family members or friends for help.

In psychology, "emotional attachment" is a key concept. It shows us that the emotional bond between people and their primary caregivers during their upbringing has a significant effect on our mental health.

It's important to take care of your mental health. Try to find ways to relax and reduce stress, such as exercising, listening to music, or reading.

You might also want to think about looking for professional psychological counseling or family therapy. These can help you deal with emotional problems, become more self-aware, and improve your communication skills.

Here are some specific suggestions for your situation:

Keep the lines of communication open with your mother. Be honest with her, show her respect, and give her the care and support she needs.

It's also important to pay attention to your emotions and needs, and not let your mother's negative emotions affect you.

2. Try to communicate well with your father. Even though he might disappoint you or make you angry, try to talk to him. Tell him how you feel and what you need, and let him know your thoughts and opinions.

If communication is an issue, it might be helpful to get support from other family members or friends.

3. Look for a professional counselor or family therapist. They can help you deal with emotional problems, improve self-awareness, and enhance communication skills. They'll give you more specific and personalized advice and support.

4. Find support and build a social network. Look for people or organizations that share your interests, such as youth mental health organizations or domestic violence hotlines. They can provide you with more support and advice, and also make you feel less alone.

5. Look after your physical and mental health: Along with seeking external support, it's also important to look after your physical and mental health. Try to find ways to relax and relieve stress, such as exercising, listening to music, reading, etc.

It's also important to pay attention to your eating and sleeping habits and maintain a healthy lifestyle.

Finally, I want to tell you that no matter what happened in the past, you have the ability to control your future. Believe in yourself and take every step boldly.

No matter what difficulties and challenges you encounter, there are always people willing to provide support and assistance. You're not alone.

I wish you the best of luck!

Hello, question asker!

After reading your description, I am sorry to say that you have been placed in an untenable position. You have been forced to shoulder the responsibilities in the family alone, and you have been protecting your mother. However, your mother's words have hurt your father's heart and will continue to do so. You are right to feel disappointed with this family.

You can't undo the harm they've done, but you can move on from it. Give them a warm hug.

All problems are our resources, and we are experts at solving our own problems. When you become aware and come here, you are already on the path to change.

Based on the feelings you described, I am going to give you some suggestions that I am confident will help.

First of all, I don't know your age, but I know you're young. I'm sorry for you. You should have been protected by your parents, but you have been protecting them instead.

Their behavior hurts you. It makes you feel very uncomfortable.

Seek help from a psychological counselor to accompany you on your journey of healing. They will give you the greatest support and strength, so that you will have the courage to face and get out of this uncomfortable situation.

You should also read more psychology books or learn about psychology. This will help you grow and heal.

The second thing I want to tell you is that your parents' problem is their own. Although they did hurt you before you came here to vent, it shows that you are aware and want to change. You must establish a sense of boundaries. There are three things in life: other people's business, your own business, and God's business.

Parents are responsible for their own actions, and you are responsible for yours. Set boundaries and stop worrying about them.

Take care of yourself. Nurture yourself again.

You deserve to live a happy and relaxed life.

Then, you know you're uncomfortable and have a lot of pent-up emotions. Adler said it best: the lucky ones are healed by childhood, the unfortunate ones are healed by life. Childhood. Some experiences when you were a child really brought you a lot of uncomfortable feelings. So, at this time, I suggest we learn to release bad emotions. We can do this by talking to someone or by letting off steam through exercise. During exercise, our brain secretes endorphins, which contain statements about feelings that can help us dissolve really uncomfortable emotions.

Finally, accept and allow yourself. You will encounter many problems in life, and you must be prepared to face them head on.

Everyone encounters different situations. Accept and allow yourself to be in this state.

We will work together in the long term instead of confronting them. After reconciliation, we have learned to let go. We are relaxed and happy inside, and we can also deal with our parents and others easily.

Life will heal you if you're willing to be healed. Keep going. Keep improving your inner strength to love and embrace yourself. Give yourself the greatest strength. You will get there. All emotional states and all interpersonal relationships will gradually improve.

I read your description and I can see how you're feeling. It's a tough spot to be in. You've identified some key issues, and it's clear you've done your homework. Some of these challenges are likely due to actions taken by your mother, and their impact. I'm sure you don't want to make your mother unhappy, and you also don't want to make yourself miserable. So, it's important to learn to regulate yourself. I'll share a few tips that you might find helpful.

1. It's understandable that you're still young and are influenced by your mother. This shows that you haven't yet made a clear distinction between the present and the past. You're even affected by your mother's past. You have to believe that you're slowly growing up and can take responsibility for yourself. This includes your actions and your psychology. You're in charge of your own life. Everyone else is a fact of your life. You can't change these facts, including things that have already happened and your mother's current behavior. They're all facts, so you have to focus on yourself and look at everything and everyone around you. You can't change them, but you can change your views of other people.

2. How can you change other people's opinions of you? It's important to remember that the words or actions of others reflect their inner selves, not yours. No matter how harshly someone speaks to you, they cannot hurt you physically. The same goes for your mental health. If you believe what someone says is correct, it will hurt your feelings. If you believe what someone says is unreasonable, you can just ignore it. Then no matter what someone says, it will not hurt you.

3. This is also more difficult, but if you get past it, you'll feel better. You have to understand that you are you, and your mother is your mother. You are two independent people, and you need to set boundaries. No matter who the other person is, they can't understand your pain or make choices for you unless you're willing. In the end, you have to separate the issues. You are you, and your mother is your mother. Don't let them affect each other. Only when each person has a good life can they let others live well. So first, take care of yourself. Don't care about your mother, but first adjust your mood so that you become strong inside. Not only can others not hurt you, but you can in turn help others and use your energy to influence others. Come on, friend!

I hope you can live a healthy, happy, and fulfilling life. I believe you can become your own winner!

Dear questioner, I extend my support and encouragement through a gesture of physical affection in the hope that my reply will prove beneficial to you.

The family dynamic is such that the father is a civil servant and the mother is a doctor. This combination of professions is envied by many. It is difficult to fathom the extent of the suffering endured by the mother, who has attempted suicide on 15 occasions and has been saved from the brink of death on each occasion by her daughter.

What qualities have enabled you to reach this point? How have you demonstrated such resilience and vigor?

The subject is currently residing with their aunt and experiences a profound sense of helplessness. They feel unable to return home.

It is unfortunate that my father is unable to forgive my mother. This pain is profound and hateful. Your internal concerns have significantly impacted your current studies and life. After all, you are still a child.

Junior high school represents a significant period of life, during which individuals may encounter considerable challenges. It is, in fact, a particularly arduous phase. My father is not only a civil servant, but also provides substantial assistance to numerous individuals. From the perspective of others, he is regarded as a commendable father. However, from his own viewpoint, he perceives himself as an exemplary authority figure, a paragon of virtue, and a just individual, entitled to assert his dominance over my mother.

As a child, one is exposed to a multitude of experiences. However, the capacity to resist such experiences is often limited.

Do you harbor negative sentiments toward your mother due to her lack of awareness and experience feelings of embarrassment toward your father's actions? It is not uncommon for parents to lack understanding of their children's needs and perspectives. You may find yourself suppressing your emotions and experiencing a sense of internal conflict between your father and mother. How can you maintain focus on the task at hand?

For an extended period, your parents did not opt to separate. Do they have their own needs in the marriage, a sense of fulfillment, and concern about the pressure of public opinion? They are intellectuals, and they are also suffering. Do you concur? This is their decision, and they should be permitted to make it. You are merely a child, and you have endured significant hardship. How might you move forward?

In her maternal role, your mother identifies with the authority. She assumes responsibility for all negative outcomes, self-attacking and even risking her own life. What has she contributed to her children and what kind of example has she set? Fortunately, with your persistent efforts, she has received psychological counseling and has improved.

You are the only individual privy to this pain. You have been fearful of losing your mother on innumerable occasions, resulting in a complete dissolution of your sense of self. You feel abandoned, frightened, and helpless. You are concerned that your mother will repeat the same mistake. Are you undervaluing your mother? How can it happen again? What can you do about it? Can you control your mother's life? You have already done an admirable job. You have released your mother's emotions and become an outlet for her emotions.

The subject expresses intense hatred towards their father and an inability to forgive their mother. This is shaped by the subject's perception of their father's cruelty towards their mother. The subject feels sympathy for their mother and a strong attachment to their father. The subject desires to be filial to their mother, yet there is an intense internal conflict between the two. How can this internal conflict be resolved? The subject also expresses fear of being abandoned by their parents. The subject experiences a profound sense of desperation at the prospect of being a child without parents.

If one is compelled to assume such a significant burden at an early age, one inevitably becomes a parent oneself. One assumes responsibility for one's parents' shortcomings and must navigate the complexities of adulthood. It requires considerable fortitude to narrate such a tale at this juncture.

It is imperative to return their parents' destiny to them, given their mode of getting along. It is futile to attempt to alter the circumstances of others; the only viable course of action is to alter oneself, thereby acquiring the capacity to be happy. Even if one's mother reverts to her previous state, that is her destiny and her choice.

It is imperative to live in a manner that is distinct from that of one's parents. It is essential to ascertain one's intrinsic value and to adhere to a code of courage and authenticity in one's own conduct.

I extend my sincerest condolences.

When faced with family difficulties, we often feel helpless and confused. However, we can take control by re-examining our family situation from a different perspective. This allows us to gain a deeper understanding and find new paths to solve problems.

This multidimensional perspective includes an analysis of family dynamics, an exploration of personal growth, and consideration of psychological resilience and personal rights.

It is essential to understand family dynamics.

The interactions and relationships between family members are built on years of shared life experiences. Each person's behavior and reactions are the result of their personal history, character, experiences, and current circumstances.

Against this background, the complex web of emotions and role expectations often leads to tension and conflict. It is important to understand that family members are trying to cope with difficulties in the way they see as most appropriate. Viewing the situation from a more tolerant perspective is the best way forward.

Identifying and re-evaluating roles and expectations within the family is an effective way to alleviate tensions and conflicts.

Growth and self-discovery are inevitable.

Family difficulties present challenges, but they also provide opportunities for self-discovery and growth. We learn how to find a way out of difficulties, establish our own boundaries, and fight for our own well-being.

These are valuable life skills. At the same time, we gain a deeper understanding and empathy for the suffering and challenges of others, which allows us to relate to others in a more inclusive and supportive way in the future.

There are many paths to personal growth.

It is essential to explore personal growth paths in the face of family difficulties. Focusing on education and personal interests provides an escape from the current environment and builds self-confidence and independence.

Connecting with people who offer support and understanding, both in real life and online, is crucial for coping with sources of stress.

Psychological resilience and personal empowerment are key.

It is essential to learn how to effectively identify and manage one's emotions while exploring personal growth. This includes understanding how to express one's feelings and how to deal with negative emotions such as anger, sadness, or fear.

It is crucial to build a positive support network to cope with sources of family stress. This can be friends, teachers, counselors, or anyone who can provide emotional support and understanding.

You must also learn how to set healthy boundaries for yourself. This means recognizing your own needs and rights and being able to say "no" when necessary.

Boundaries protect against harm and promote healthy relationships. When family issues are beyond your ability to handle, seek professional mental health services.

Professional counselors provide strategies and tools to help us deal with complex emotions and family dynamics.

In summary, we can gain a more comprehensive understanding of the issues and find more constructive solutions by looking at family difficulties from different perspectives. The family environment may present us with great challenges, but it also provides opportunities to grow, learn, and become stronger.

We can overcome our current difficulties and move in a healthier and more positive direction by actively seeking change, building support systems, and developing personal strengths. Our value and future are not determined by the past; they are determined by the choices we make about how to respond to the present and plan for the future.

In the process, stay open, seek help, and believe in yourself. You will overcome your current difficulties and embrace a brighter future.

Good morning, I am listening to you.

I can appreciate the panic and helplessness you experienced between the ages of 10 and 15, living in constant fear and uncertainty about the imminent loss of your mother, without any breaks. You courageously intervened to prevent your mother from taking her own life on numerous occasions, only to be accused of it.

You experience a sense of helplessness, yet you also possess a remarkable strength.

The father in this case presents as two-faced. In public, he is helpful and timely, but at home, he avoids responsibility and avoids confrontation. He has been known to engage in physical altercations with the mother and has formed alliances with external parties to express his anger towards both her and you. He has been accused of accusing and beating up the mother, who then blames you for causing her anxiety.

I empathize with your frustration and sense of powerlessness. It is evident that you lack acceptance, love, and respect from this family.

You are resilient. Please accept this gesture of support and comfort.

You have not been defeated by these difficulties; you have become stronger as a result. This is a challenging situation that a 14-year-old should not have to face, and you have demonstrated remarkable resilience.

It is recommended that you:

You are experiencing a lack of security, elevated anxiety levels, and heightened sensitivity to your sympathetic nervous system. It is recommended that you seek the guidance of a professional counselor to address these concerns and improve your well-being.

Mindfulness activities are recommended to help you focus on the present, avoid worrying about the future or the past, and calm your mood by focusing on your breathing.

2. Please provide a detailed account of what you have observed and heard. Have you discussed this with your father?

You will inform your father of what you have observed and heard. Be candid and assertive.

It is important to communicate effectively with your father and convey your feelings and thoughts clearly. It is essential to highlight the impact of his actions and emphasize that avoidance is not a solution. Instead, it will likely exacerbate and worsen the problem. It is crucial to request that your father take responsibility for his actions and address the pain you have endured. Ask him to confront his own actions with courage and honesty.

It is important to remember that love is a two-way street. It is not your fault that this situation has arisen.

Do not blame yourself. It is not your responsibility to provide love to those who have not given it to you.

Please acknowledge the presence of hatred. Do not resist this emotion, but rather, examine the underlying factors driving it.

It is important to recognize that love must first come from the environment. In order to give love, one must first receive love. Furthermore, to give love, one must be full of love. However, it seems that this energy is lacking in your environment, which has resulted in a lack of love. You have indicated that you feel that they give you the hate you don't want.

This is understandable. Please do not blame yourself; it is not your fault, and their accusations against you are just groundless criticism.

4. Do not hesitate to request assistance when needed.

It is advisable to share your feelings and experiences with friends, teachers, or other reliable individuals. They can provide emotional support and guidance, as well as a secure environment in which to discuss the matter.

If you believe you may be at risk or require legal assistance, we advise you to contact your local social services department or an attorney. They will be able to provide the support and guidance you need to navigate this situation.

Hello, question asker. My name is Evan, and I'm a counselor trained in the Transactional Analysis school of thought.

From the questioner's description, I can sense the questioner's negative emotions, such as disgust and discomfort. It is not uncommon for parents to have certain expectations of their children.

It is important to note, however, that these methods are not a conscious choice on the part of the parents. From a dissociative perspective, it could be argued that the way they treat the questioner is influenced by their upbringing in their original family. It is possible that the "love" they received from their parents is being passed on to the questioner in some way.

From the questioner's description, it seems that when the questioner's parents face conflicts or emotional challenges, they tend to externalize the blame or conflict onto others. From the questioner's description, it appears that the questioner's parents may have difficulty accepting the imperfections or shortcomings they perceive in themselves. They exhibit some characteristics of narcissistic parents, who often blame their mistakes on others. When the mother feels blamed by her father, the questioner's mother's blame on the questioner seems to be an emotional sharing. It could be that the mother wants to let the questioner share with her the negative emotions she receives, or transfer them to other people to reduce her own emotional burden.

It can be challenging for a narcissistic father to empathize with the mother and child in the original family. He may tend to judge and deny from his own perspective, which can be painful and difficult for the mother and child. It can be difficult for the child to face such parents, and I empathize with the child's experience.

Such parents often find it challenging to empathize with their children's experiences and provide the encouragement they need. Their personalities may also play a role in this dynamic, making it difficult for them to connect with their children in the way they might otherwise.

As the question was posed on this platform, we are unable to engage in a more in-depth discussion. However, we are happy to assist the questioner in resolving their current dilemma and offer some straightforward advice.

It might be helpful to consider your mother's motives in treating you this way. Have you ever wondered why your mother treats you this way? Was she also treated this way when she was a child? Was she also taught this way by the older members of her family when she was a child?

It seems that the way she communicates with her children has been shaped by her own upbringing in her family of origin. As a woman, her status in the family was really low in the past, and she often became the scapegoat in the family. It's possible that being brought up in the same way as her family of origin, the questioner's mother also treats the questioner in this way, which could have a significant impact on the questioner.

This may be why the questioner perceives the mother and the questioner's relationship in this way.

It would be beneficial to understand the mother's motives. This could help the questioner to release their emotions, treat her more calmly, and feel more at ease.

The questioner also mentioned that she is unable to forgive her mother for the harm she has done to her, which is understandable. Whether or not to forgive her mother is a decision that rests with the questioner and depends on whether she is able to reconcile with this past and let go.

It is important to take care of yourself during this challenging time. It is normal to feel a range of negative emotions when facing criticism and blame from your parents in your family of origin. When negative emotions arise, it can be helpful to engage in activities you enjoy, such as exercising, listening to music, reading, etc. These activities can help relieve negative emotions and contribute to a sense of happiness and contentment.

It might also be helpful for the questioner to learn some self-care techniques, such as meditation, deep breathing, yoga, or other relaxation techniques that can help the questioner manage their negative emotions.

It might be helpful to consider establishing boundaries with your parents. It seems that the mother of the questioner has caused harm, which the questioner is currently unable to forgive. However, it also seems that the questioner and his mother are subject to all kinds of control by their father. These opinions and control could be perceived as a form of mental domestic violence. According to the situation described by the questioner, it shows that there are issues of inequality and power in the family, which are mainly caused by the questioner's father.

The questioner may be experiencing feelings of disgust and disappointment towards his own behaviour, which is understandable given the nature of the relationship within the family.

In the face of the mother's rebuke and the father's control, it would be beneficial for the questioner to establish a safe boundary with them. When they use these tactics to control or treat the questioner again, it might be helpful for the questioner to immediately say no to them or get away from the current situation to avoid being influenced by them again. Domestic violence, whether physical or psychological, is unacceptable. Everyone has the right to live in an environment free from violence.

It might be helpful to consider building a social support system. From what I can gather from the questioner's description, I empathize with the questioner's situation. Despite the questioner's challenging family circumstances, there may be other individuals in the questioner's life who could offer support, such as close friends, relatives, or other trusted adults.

It might be helpful for the questioner to consider joining a support group online. This could be a good way for the questioner to expand their social circle, meet people who have experienced similar difficulties, and gain more support from them.

It would be advisable to seek protection if the questioner feels unsafe under the pressure of his father. This may include finding a safe place to live, learning how to protect yourself and seeking legal help if necessary.

If the actions of the OP's parents are still causing harm to you, the OP may wish to consider seeking legal protection, such as applying for a protection order or a domestic violence prevention order. You may also wish to seek help from relevant units and institutions, such as social work assistance agencies, neighborhood committees, women's federations, and other relevant institutions, which may be able to provide the OP with a certain degree of protection.

It might be helpful to seek professional help if you are struggling to cope with the negative impact of your family of origin. Mental health professionals, such as counselors or clinical psychologists, can provide guidance on understanding your feelings and developing strategies to cope with your fear and sense of isolation.

They can provide a safe environment for you to express your feelings and learn healthy coping mechanisms. A good counselor or psychologist may be able to help you deal with past trauma, find the source of your fears and phobias, and give you an effective treatment plan.

Furthermore, I would like to reassure the questioner that what they have experienced is not their fault. They have the right to seek help and improve their quality of life. I would like to offer the questioner a comforting gesture. They are not alone. There are many people and organizations that can provide assistance in overcoming these challenges.

I encourage you to face your past and future with courage, to believe in your ability to overcome the difficulties, and to trust that you will emerge from this challenging period with renewed happiness and freedom.

I hope my answer is helpful to the questioner.

Hello.

Your mother began to have a mental illness in the fourth grade of elementary school, when you were about ten years old. During the next five years, she attempted suicide by jumping off a building more than 15 times.

You fought to bring her back, and there were fights during the process. You were young, and you must have been scared.

Your mother would also say that it was your fault, that she had a nervous breakdown and jumped to her death, so this caused you great mental trauma. You know that memories of this painful and confusing guilt still give you the creeps when you think about it.

You did nothing wrong. After she saw a psychiatrist, her mood improved.

This is proof that she has a mental illness. It is not your fault.

Your father only ran away when your mother had a nervous breakdown. He never helped her when she had a breakdown, nor did he help you. This makes you feel that he is very fake and that he has no feelings for you or your mother.

He only stayed when he hit your mother and committed domestic violence against her. There's no doubt about it: your father's violence and indifference towards you and your mother at home made you loathe him very much.

Let me be clear: growing up in such a loveless, cold, and sick environment is a very cruel thing. Family relationships bring you no care, consideration, or love. Instead, they bring you endless pain and trauma.

You said that because your father helped other people, everyone else also sided with him and joined in the abuse of your mother and you. This made you feel quite bad, and you were right to feel this way.

People outside can only see the surface of things and don't understand the relationships within the family. They may have received favors and help from your father, so they naturally take his side and speak on his behalf. Gossip is terrible, and these opinions have caused you harm.

You are young and have already experienced so much. You have an indifferent and evasive father, a sick mother, and outsiders slandering and insulting you without knowing the truth.

You're going through a lot right now. Growing up is tough, and this trauma has really taken a toll on you.

You said you want to escape from this family, and you should. It's an abyss with no bottom, with no ladder for climbing out, no way to save yourself.

You are lucky to have escaped from this home, and you have achieved your goal of escaping from this home.

You are still a child, and you are still a minor. You cannot solve any of your parents' problems. Be yourself.

You cannot save either of them. There is a high risk that they will drag you down with them. It is like someone who cannot swim trying to save someone else who is drowning. They will only hurt themselves and fail to save the person drowning.

You must not fight this battle alone. Ask for help from relatives and friends. Call the psychological crisis intervention hotline, psychological assistance hotline, community workers, or the police if necessary.

You are now a junior high school student, and you are facing a lot of pressure. Your parents' problems may be distracting you from your studies, but junior high school is demanding.

It's normal to want to escape from this home. Nobody wants to stay in an abyss for long; it drags a person down. You're still a minor with an incomplete mind. People are right to worry about you.

You can put your family aside and focus on your studies or your own affairs, and plan for yourself. This will help you forget some of the pain and reduce some of the sadness.

If you're struggling with the pressure of schoolwork and the pain of various traumas, it's time to seek help. Get in touch with a psychological counselor. Find someone who understands you and can help you navigate this challenge.

This will help you cope with the psychological trauma. I am confident that you will recover from the trauma and regain a vigorous and upward spirit, have your own life, and break away from your original family.

The future you will be independent and confident. You will break free from the patterns of your original family and live out a brand new self.

The world loves you, and you must love yourself.