I'm 20 years old and feel like I've always been conflicted. Am I schizophrenic?
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By Anonymous | Published on December 18, 2024
When I was 20, I had a bit of depression a while ago and couldn't sleep at night. I met a girl online.
We talked about everything. Then we started a long-distance relationship, and at that time we often called and WeChat-videoed.
Except that we didn't meet, the other feelings were like boyfriend and girlfriend. These past few days, I don't know why I haven't been in a good mood, and I often make things difficult for her.
Today we had a fight, and I deleted her QQ, WeChat and phone numbers. After a while, I started to regret it, and I've been feeling really down.
I kept staring at her gifts and couldn't sleep at night. I was constantly irritable and felt miserable without her.
I used to not believe in long-distance relationships and online dating. And this is not my first girlfriend, I have actually had two in the real world before.
But this time, for some reason, I feel very sad and painful, and I can't sleep at night. It feels like I'm always contradicting myself, and I don't know if I'm schizophrenic.
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Comments
I can totally relate to how you're feeling right now. It's really tough when you let something important slip away in a moment of anger or sadness. Losing connection with someone who meant so much, especially after deleting all ways to contact her, must be incredibly hard. The regret that follows and the sleepless nights are just part of realizing what we had. I hope you find a way to reach out or mend this if it's what your heart truly wants.
It sounds like you've been through a lot emotionally. Sometimes we do things in the heat of the moment that we deeply regret later on. The pain of cutting off someone who became such a significant part of your life is not easy to bear. Maybe acknowledging your feelings and trying to understand why you reacted the way you did can help. If there's still a chance and if she's worth it to you, perhaps reaching out again could be the step you need to take for closure or reconciliation.
Feeling this intense pain over losing someone through a fight shows how deeply you cared about her, even in a longdistance relationship. It's okay to feel lost and conflicted, especially when you're dealing with strong emotions. The fact that you're questioning your actions and feeling remorseful indicates that this relationship was meaningful to you. If you value her and what you had together, it might be worth exploring options to reconnect and express how you truly feel, even if it's just to say goodbye properly.