My mother has a strong desire for control, and I hope to make my own decisions and figure out what is truly right for myself.

My dear, I offer you a hug.

From what you've shared, I can understand that you're feeling a bit helpless and confused in this moment. I just wanted to say that I think you've already done a great job!

I can relate to this situation. I was once in a similar position, torn between the desire for independence and the freedom to make my own choices, and the high expectations of my family.

It is not uncommon for parents to experience separation anxiety.

As children grow up, they will soon face the unknown world independently, and parents may experience a certain degree of separation anxiety. In our traditional culture, mothers and grandmothers of our generation have worked very hard and made many sacrifices to achieve success for their families and children.

For them, the day when their children grow up and no longer need them as much as before may be a little hard to accept. We can understand that being needed is also an important feeling for each of us.

(Side note: When we have sufficient energy ourselves, we can also try to gently guide and encourage mothers to develop their own hobbies and help them find a sense of value outside of the role of "mother.")

It is important to remember that children will eventually face the world on their own. As mothers, we often feel like hen mothers protecting our chicks. It is natural to feel afraid that our children will get hurt or suffer, but we may not always be able to protect them as much as we would like. For mothers, this can be a difficult and stressful feeling. If we can recognize this anxiety in mothers and let them know that we feel their love and understand their intentions, it can help to alleviate their anxiety to a certain extent.

It might be helpful to establish a sense of boundaries.

Another way to approach this is to clarify your own boundaries. For instance, it can be helpful to identify which decisions you would like to make independently and which ones you would prefer to discuss with your mother. It's also important to communicate that you are capable of taking responsibility for your own choices and that you will ask for help from your parents when needed. By doing so, you can maintain a sense of independence in your space while also showing your mother that you value their support and want to keep the emotional connection strong.

In this regard, I can see that you have been "protecting" yourself in your own way, and you are doing a commendable job. If living together makes it more challenging to avoid becoming overly involved with your mother, you might consider separating yourself physically from her, meeting occasionally, and maintaining a certain connection.

Growing up can be a challenging process, and it often involves a certain level of emotional discomfort for both parents and children.

After clarifying their boundaries with their family, some parents may initially find it challenging to accept the situation. They may come to realize that their children are capable of functioning independently and may have thoughts like, "Is it because my child doesn't need me anymore?" It's important to communicate our feelings as clearly as possible in these circumstances. By establishing mutual boundaries, we can maintain a healthy relationship, even if we're not in the same space physically.

Sometimes, a brief period of separation can facilitate a more productive reunion.

I hope the above information is of some help to you. I love taking photos and I wish you all the best.

Dear questioner, I am grateful to have had the opportunity to connect with you. I believe you are taking the right steps.

From what you've shared, I can sense the pain you're experiencing. I'm sending you a hug.

Perhaps we can talk about this together?

1. Try to understand your mother's perspective.

It seems that your mother has been exerting control over you for some time. You have also mentioned that she is highly controlling, short-tempered, and anxious. It is therefore understandable that she would want to have a say in your choice of partner.

It seems that your mother may have a low sense of security within herself. She may need to be listened to by those around her, and may try to exert control over you as a result. It's possible that she feels particularly fearful and afraid of losing control within herself.

It's also possible that she may appear "very weak and humble in front of outsiders, and will always negate and suppress me," because in front of outsiders she may feel insecure and can only repress herself. However, in front of you, she may feel safe, knowing that no matter what you are her daughter and you will never leave her, so she may dare to control you in front of you.

I wonder if such an analysis might help you understand her behavior.

2. Consider making some changes to yourself

If the mother is not aware of her own words and deeds, it may be challenging to initiate change at this time. In such cases, it might be helpful to consider making changes within ourselves.

You are independent and clear-headed. You know what you want and you know how to love yourself. You hope to be able to make your own decisions and cherish every step you take, cultivating your life well. You also dare and are able to take responsibility for yourself.

"Now I'm staying with my mother, but she has some ideas about how I should live my life, from what I wear to what I eat, as well as who I spend my time with. My mother has certain expectations." One way to handle this is to create some distance between you and your mother, either mentally or physically. First, you need to become your own person and stand on your own two feet, away from your mother's control.

It might be helpful to consider whether your boyfriend is the right choice for you. You might like to think about how his parents interact, whether he is willing to learn and improve himself, whether he is capable of taking responsibility for your future, and whether he has goals and plans.

3. Try to love yourself as much as you can.

It is important to remember that, no matter who is around you, even your parents, it is right to learn and persist in loving yourself. This is because only when you love yourself will you attract people who truly love you.

It would be beneficial to remember that only when you are internally self-sufficient can you attract people who are also internally rich to your side. Perhaps it would be helpful to consider that you could constantly improve yourself, constantly satisfy your inner lack, and become a person of inner abundance.

I hope my answer is helpful to you. I wish you the best!

Dear question asker,

Furthermore, it is recommended that you engage in the practice of sharing warm hugs.

The first source of confusion is the author's upbringing in a family with divorced parents. The mother was described as controlling, irritable, and anxious. At the age of ten, she sent the author to live with the father, who was described as weak. The author's grandmother was hostile towards her. From that point onward, the author was largely isolated. The author's behavior was described as reclusive and indifferent to family members. The author's solution to problems was to rely on independent coping mechanisms. The second source of confusion is the author's current living situation with their mother. The mother is described as imposing her thoughts and preferences on the author, regardless of the topic. This includes clothing, diet, living habits, and even the author's social circle. The author's mother has specific expectations and requirements. The author reports that, as long as they do not meet these expectations, their mother will surround them with people who challenge them. Additionally, the author describes their mother as particularly stubborn. From the perspective of outsiders, the author's mother is perceived as kind and supportive. However, the author reports feeling like they are constantly hungry and in need of emotional support. The author's mother has a limited social circle and a highly controlling presence in the author's life. This dynamic is exhausting for the author. However, in front of outsiders, the author's mother presents a different image. She is described as weak and humble, and she attempts to suppress and negate the author's individuality. The author does not want to be seen as worthless.

3. I am in a romantic relationship, but my mother disapproves because my partner is not from our local area. However, I am seeking to gain independence from my mother's influence and to make my own decisions, regardless of the outcome. I am indifferent to her disapproval because I am motivated by a desire to make my own decisions and to appreciate each stage of the process, while fully embracing the opportunities that life presents. However, my mother has been consistently critical of my approach for two years. Despite my attempts to communicate, she is unable to comprehend my perspective. She believes I should seek a partner who offers favourable conditions and is from our local area. Nevertheless, I am committed to embracing the moment and to being open to the future. However, I have faced significant criticism over the past two years, which has led to numerous instances of emotional distress. My anxiety has intensified to the point where I question the merits of my actions. I experience feelings of guilt and a sense of being broken. I was deprived of genuine and nurturing love during my upbringing. However, I have learned to love myself and to love others through my relationship with my partner. I have gained valuable insights and experiences. Currently, I value these lessons highly. I have been seeking love since childhood, not necessarily romantic love, but the experience of loving myself and others. How should I proceed?

The final sentence is particularly noteworthy. It is evident that through fostering a positive relationship with your partner, you have gained invaluable insights into self-love and the capacity to love others. The emotional bond you share with him is a testament to your resilience and capacity to love. It is evident that you have been on a journey of self-discovery since childhood, not merely seeking romantic love, but rather the profound experience of loving and being loved by yourself and others.

From these words, it is evident that you have already formed a clear understanding of your desired outcome. What you require now is a slight increase in courage and determination.

It is important to discuss the issues that originated in your family of origin. It is clear that your parents' divorce caused you significant distress. However, it is essential to recognize that the primary source of harm occurred when you were young, before you had the opportunity to mature and develop the capacity to love. This initial harm persists, but you have now reached a point where you are capable of healing the inner child.

Therefore, it is recommended that the subject engage in self-talk, provide comfort to the injured self resulting from parental divorce, and convey to the partner that there is a mature, autonomous self present alongside the injured self. It is also important to emphasize that the subject is not helpless, lost, or in need of maternal approval to feel validated. With time, the subject will become increasingly confident and develop resilience.

That will be all for the time being. I extend my best wishes to you, and I wish you well in your endeavors.