My mother's mood swings affect me too, what should I do?

First, let us examine the challenges currently faced by you and your mother in closer detail. The transitions to puberty and menopause are two significant life stages that are accompanied by substantial physical and psychological changes.

It is possible that your mother is experiencing the emotional swings commonly associated with menopause while you are undergoing pubertal development. The convergence of these two stages undoubtedly contributes to the complexity of family relationships.

You have indicated that your mother is typically quite patient, but that she becomes uncharacteristically impatient when in a disagreeable mood. This is a common occurrence, particularly if she is undergoing menopause.

Her mood swings may be attributed to a multitude of factors, including hormonal fluctuations, life stressors, and concerns about the future. It is also to be expected that her emotional state will have an impact on you, her child.

It is imperative, however, that one does not allow oneself to become enmeshed in a downward emotional spiral. It is essential to develop effective emotional management skills and to identify ways of communicating with one's mother in a constructive manner. The following suggestions may prove helpful in this regard:

1. Emotion Management

The initial step in emotional management is to recognize one's emotions. This entails identifying the specific emotion one is experiencing, such as anger, sadness, frustration, or anxiety. Once the emotion has been identified, it is essential to understand its source.

It is important to accept one's emotions without attempting to suppress or deny them. Instead, it is beneficial to acknowledge and allow oneself to experience these emotions in a constructive manner.

It is important to express emotions in an appropriate manner. This can be achieved through various means, such as maintaining a diary, engaging in creative activities like drawing or painting, or seeking counsel from a trusted individual.

It is advisable to identify and implement appropriate coping strategies when experiencing emotional distress. These may include techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or leaving the situation.

2. Communication Skills with Your Mother

It is important to choose an appropriate time to communicate with your mother. Ideally, this should be a time when she is relatively stable and well-rested. Avoid communicating with her when she is emotionally distressed or fatigued.

It is recommended that individuals utilize "I" language when expressing their views and feelings. This entails replacing "you" language with "I" language. For instance, an individual may say, "I feel hurt because you don't think I'm important," as opposed to saying, "You always ignore me."

It is important to listen to your mother when communicating with her. Try to listen more than you talk and give her the opportunity to express herself. Listen carefully to her views and feelings.

Demonstrate comprehension: Despite any discrepancies in opinion, endeavor to convey to your mother that you grasp her perspective. This fosters the development of trust and mutual understanding.

3. Self-adjustment

It is important to establish a clear boundary between you and your mother, allowing each of you to have your own space and time. This will afford you both the opportunity to relax and recuperate.

It is beneficial to develop hobbies. Identifying activities or pastimes that align with one's interests and dedicating oneself to them can serve as an effective means of distraction and a means of reducing emotional dependence on one's mother.

It is recommended that you seek external support by sharing your concerns with the school counselor, teacher, or friends. They can provide advice and support to help you better cope with the challenges of this stage.

4. Support and understanding for mothers It is important to provide mothers with the necessary support and understanding to enable them to cope with the challenges they face.

It is recommended that you familiarise yourself with the facts of menopause and the physical and psychological changes that your mother may experience as a result. This will assist you in better understanding her behaviour.

It is important to demonstrate concern and support for your mother when she is emotionally stable. Affirming your love for her and expressing willingness to assist her in navigating this challenging period can be beneficial.

It is recommended that the individual encourage the affected person to seek professional medical or psychological help if their mood swings are seriously affecting their quality of life and family relationships.

It is also recommended that the reader peruse some literature on emotional management and family relationships. Examples of such literature include The Power of Emotions (Daniel Goleman), The Bonds of Motherhood (Karen Horney), and Rebuilding Family Relationships (John Bradshaw).

These books can provide additional theoretical support and practical skills to assist in coping with the current situation.

It is important to recognize that change is a gradual process and that it may not be possible to resolve all issues immediately.

If one is willing to invest the requisite effort and time, it is inevitable that the quality of one's relationship with one's mother will improve. It is imperative to believe in one's own abilities and to recognize that one has the power to alter the situation.

Hello, You say you are in adolescence, your mother is going through menopause, and you often get upset with her over minor things. She comforts you, but suddenly stops, starts complaining, and treats you coldly. She says she doesn't want you, doesn't love you, and doesn't have the ability to love anyone else.

This makes you feel sick. You made things worse. Your mother is now angrier with you.

Your mother has moved out. You want a mother who is emotionally stable and can give love, but your mother's moods are inconsistent, and you're not sure she loves you.

You are in a lot of pain and want to change the situation, but you don't know how. You are very distressed.

Menopause is when a woman stops having children and starts to age. During this period, sex hormones decrease, and many physical and mental problems may occur. You may become irritable and prone to anger. You are in adolescence, a period of rapid development, and your emotional reactions are intense. Unbalanced brain development also leads to mood swings.

You and your mother have emotional problems because of things like how you see things and changes in your bodies. This is testing your relationship.

You are 15 and still a minor. You still need your mother's care. She left because she couldn't handle you.

This isn't what you want.

It's okay to feel sad or cry over little things. Emotions are neither good nor bad. Speak up about how you feel and don't blame yourself. It's brave of you to seek help.

You and your mother are both low on energy and can't find a way to improve your relationship. We can look outside for help. You can talk to your mother about getting help from a therapist who treats families.

I won't go into the details of family psychotherapy here. You can call a professional counseling hotline when you need to talk. The counselor will listen and help you feel better.

When family members are in a difficult time, unity and support help them overcome difficulties. I hope you and your mother will support each other on the road to growth, adjust your perceptions, and find happiness.

I hope this helps.

Yiyi Psychology loves you.

Hello, question asker!

I can see myself and my child in the reflection when I see the pattern you describe between you and your mother.

You're only 15, and you're going through puberty. Your mom can totally understand and help you through this period of adolescence.

That's totally understandable! Your mom is usually a very gentle person.

I have a lot of tolerance and love to give!

I just want to say that what I've gone through with my child is really similar to what you're going through with your mom. We're both feeling the same things, you know?

Let me share some thoughts from a mother's perspective. I'm a mother who has studied psychology.

I usually think I can be loving and tolerant with my child. But when my child has grown-up emotions or long-lasting emotions,

When I can't handle someone else's emotions, what do they do?

It's so hard when one person can't handle another person's emotions. I can relate to what you said about your mother. I've been there, too. She gets upset, complains, cries, screams, treats me coldly, ignores me, and says she doesn't want to raise me, doesn't love me anymore, and is incapable of loving anyone.

It's not that your mom doesn't love you or doesn't want to comfort you, be there for you, and accept your emotions. It's just that she's already using up all her energy and can't do it anymore, poor thing!

Moms really want to be the kind of mom they think they are, and they want to be the kind of mom you want, too!

He's doing his best to handle things and be there for you, even though he's feeling powerless at the moment.

I'm sorry to say that only then will those behaviors occur.

You're only 15, and it's a time of confusion in life. It's really great to have a very strong mother who can accompany and tolerate you.

But, as we all know, mom also has her own shortcomings, and there are things she can't do on her own.

I don't want to say things like "take responsibility for your own emotions." I don't want to say you have to understand your mother, because I know it's not realistic for you to think you can understand and support her at your age.

How can this situation be changed? I truly believe it's about you and your mom growing together.

You know, you can take some courses in psychology and emotional management, and so on. It would be great if you could find a counselor and go to counseling together.

I just want my mom to treat me well, but I just can't get any love. I know it can be tough, but you're not alone.

Mum has given you so much, but I know she hasn't given you the kind of feeling you want.

I want to change, but I'm afraid that in the end I'll be the only one who has changed and my mother still won't be able to comfort me.

It's great that you've recognized you want to change! It's totally normal to be worried that your mom won't be able to comfort you even after you've changed, though.

This is totally normal! You've changed and grown so much.

You can see how much your mom loves you, and you know that she'll always love you, no matter what. When you have this insight, you don't need your mom to say it to you verbally.

Greetings! I am a heart coach. Life is a beautiful journey, and it is my hope that you will find joy in it.

After listening to your emotional story, I feel like I'm seeing the relationship between mother and daughter in a new light. It's as if I'm watching a real-life sitcom.

Your sensitivity and your mother's emotional swings interact in a way that creates a "chemical reaction." You are always trying to confirm and gain your mother's love for you, while she is full of guilt and self-blame.

1. We all have our own unique life experiences and challenges.

It would be inaccurate to assume that menopause is synonymous with moodiness, just as puberty is not necessarily indicative of rebellion.

When your mother is in a good mood, it can sometimes lead to feelings of envy from others, who admire the bond you share. Her actions towards you are often perceived as loving and caring.

However, when she becomes emotional, particularly when she goes out to rent a place to live, you may feel as though you have been abandoned. This can be a challenging situation, and it can lead to feelings of insecurity and distress. You may feel as though you are unloved, unvalued, and uncared for.

You yearn for love and care from your mother's loving, patient, and stable emotions. It would be reassuring to feel that you are loved by your mother. Your strong desire for a sense of security makes you emotionally sensitive and prone to crying.

It is because you want to feel secure from your mother.

It might be helpful to view her emotionality as a life task she needs to complete. It's possible that her short temper and hysteria are not necessarily a reflection of your actions, but rather a result of her own emotional state and the challenges she's facing in effectively expressing her negative emotions.

In the adult world, a number of factors can contribute to a sense of being overwhelmed, including work-related stress, emotional pressure, marital conflicts, family relationships, and economic pressures. It's important to recognize that the decision to leave and move out was not a reflection of a lack of love or concern for you. Rather, it was a decision driven by a desire to avoid causing you further distress due to her "bad temper."

It seems that both of you have unmet emotional needs. You both long for someone to care for you, to understand you, to accept you, and to approve of you. You both desire a reliable person with whom you can trust, and who can provide you with a moment of relief from all the stress and tension.

2. Some suggestions on how to achieve self-growth

It might be helpful to remember that everything that happens is for the best. You might like to consider taking back responsibility for your own life. Perhaps it would be beneficial to remember that mum is responsible for her own emotions, and you are responsible for your own life.

It is important to remember that no matter how much our parents love us, they will eventually leave us. Rather than waiting until then to become independent and have the ability to reap happiness, it may be beneficial to start taking action now.

It could be said that the sense of security we desire as children stems from the stability of our parents' marriage, their companionship, and the way they raise us. However, as we mature, our sense of security primarily originates from our sense of worth.

In other words, it is about developing confidence and independence.

It is worth noting that self-worth plays an important role in a person's physical and mental health. It may be observed that a high sense of self-worth is associated with a sense of security, a sense of strength in life, and greater self-confidence.

One simple way to improve your sense of worth is to give yourself positive feedback regularly. When you make a change, it can also positively influence your mother and your relationship, as relationships are patterns formed through interactions with each other.

You may find it helpful to read books such as "Psychological Nutrition" and "The Power of Self-Growth." May your life be filled with love and light.

I hope the above is helpful to you. I wish you well.

Should you wish to continue the conversation, you are most welcome to follow my personal homepage, "Heart Exploration Service."

Hello!

You were 15 and going through puberty, and your mother was going through menopause. You and your mother were both in an emotionally unstable stage, so it's understandable that you couldn't control your emotions easily.

I'm sending you a hug from afar, hoping it brings you a little comfort.

During puberty, hormones surge, causing discomfort in every part of the body and affecting emotions. So you say that sometimes over trivial matters you will lose your temper, lose control, and cry non-stop, as if you had regressed to infancy.

You need reassurance, your mother's special understanding and consideration, and a hug.

Menopause is a period of plummeting hormones and many physical discomforts. The symptoms are pretty intense and affect moods in particular. So when you're crying and need understanding and comfort, your mother often can't control her emotions either.

It seems like your emotions are the trigger for her outbursts.

Adolescence and menopause can really intensify the conflict between mother and daughter. Adolescence will pass, and menopause will gradually settle down, but for the time being, you will have more conflicts with your mother.

Now that your mother has gone out to rent a place to live, you are at home alone. Is that normally the case?

I'd say you and your mother have a love-hate relationship, given that you're so interdependent.

You rely on your mother a lot, and she relies on you, too. You want to see in her eyes that she understands you and that she loves you.

You often feel unsure of your mother's love because it can be really warm or really cold, so you go back and forth between love and rejection. You cry to test how deep and true your mother's love for you is.

But when your mother sees you crying, she gets really worried. She doesn't know what to do. She feels powerless and either breaks down or runs away.

I think your relationship with your mother has always been pretty close, since she raised you. But now that you're an adult, you need your own space and a bit of independence.

You and your mother are both going through adolescence and menopause, so it's difficult for you to connect.

Your mother raised you, and you could only learn from her and gain experience from her. So, you haven't had the chance to learn how to control your emotions.

You've grown up now, and you've even learned to comfort your mother when she's unable to control her emotions, which seems to be an improvement in your self-exploration.

This is often the case with our relationship with our mothers. We need our mothers' love, but their ability to love isn't enough to meet our needs, and it isn't as stable as the love we expect.

We're stuck in a tricky situation. Not sure what to do?

You might want to talk to a counselor about your family relationship with your mother. Sometimes, just changing one person can lead to a change in the whole family dynamic.

One person's change will require the other person to adapt to the new relationship dynamic, which will in turn affect the entire relationship system.

You might also want to look into some psychological knowledge about family relationships and how your teenage self got along with your mother. This could help you handle your emotions and your relationship with your mother better.

I love you, and I think you should love yourself too.

You describe yourself as similar to your mother. Your mother is emotionally unstable, just like you.

It's normal for mothers and daughters to be similar. When you have trouble understanding something, you can use your mother as a reference to speculate on how you might feel, think, and react. You can also use her as a way to understand her behavior better.

You are similar to her, so it's easy to imagine what she's thinking and feeling.

You know your mother loves you. But you question her when she seems to lose control. If you treat her like you treat yourself, can you discover that she is also sad when things don't go her way?

You say she can comfort you, but she can't. Is it because she's not patient? Or because comforting you is useless?

She loves you too, but she cries when she loses control. It's not that she doesn't love you; she just can't express herself normally. You should know the difference between "can't" and "won't."

You think your mother's comfort is enough, but it's never enough. You know she'll react this way, but you keep crying until she loses control. You don't doubt your love for and dependence on your mother. She loves you just as much and is just as inconsistent. She's disappointed in you sometimes and helpless in those moments.

You are smart and perceptive. You know that your paranoia is wrong. You said, "Mom comforts half of the sudden collapse," and "when you can't control your emotions, Mom also loses control." So who is more influenced by whom?

Why do you keep crying and screaming over trivial matters? Is that the only way to comfort her?

When you're sad, do you think your mom feels pain too? She's not just angry at you, she's also disappointed in herself.

She can't change her plan or show you love in the way you want. She knows she loves you, so she's angry and hurts you. She's an adult and mother. She should be responsible for your relationship with your daughter and set a good example.

You can complain and blame, but you are old enough to understand and do something about it. Do it for your mother's love, a better relationship, your own ability to deal with things, and your love for your mother. You need to change and experience a better life, which depends on your words and deeds.

Your mother will comfort you, but she can't always meet your needs. She has strengths and weaknesses, happy and sad moments, and sometimes feels powerless. The most important thing is that you love each other. You both need to work harder and change.

I wish you happiness.

Hello,

First of all, I want to give you a warm hug. I can feel your frustrations and helplessness, and I hope this can give you some comfort. At the same time, I want to give you a big thumbs-up. At only 15 years old, you were able to calm down in the face of conflict, find the cause, and seek help from a professional psychological platform.

Let's take a look at your emotions together.

She's 15 and going through puberty. "Sometimes I lose my temper over the smallest things. I can't control myself. I'll just keep crying or lose my temper with my mum." It's normal for adolescents to experience emotional instability. The fact that you lose control of your emotions over the smallest things shows that you lack a sense of security. You hope to arouse your mum's attention and gain her comfort through your emotions. You're looking for a sense of security from her and hoping that her comfort will prove that she loves you.

However, your mother can't seem to catch your emotions, and she even loses control more than you do. Her mood swings scare you, and some of the things she says make you feel sad and upset, and even rejected. Especially now that your mother has left the family home to rent a flat, you feel abandoned. You were looking for comfort, but instead you feel abandoned. You are sad, scared, helpless, and desperate. You don't know what to do, and you wonder if your mother doesn't love you anymore.

You want to make changes yourself, hoping that by doing so you can improve your relationship with your mother. But you're not sure whether your changes will prompt your mother to make changes as well. You're worried that even if you make changes, you still won't get the comfort and love from your mother.

What can we do about this?

1. Get to know your mother's emotions and believe that she loves you.

As an adult, your mother needs to face the same challenges that adults face, such as the pressures of work, life, and raising you. She also needs to release her emotions and wants comfort and hugs. When these things are not possible, she will feel vulnerable and inadequate, and will not be able to control her emotions.

It's tough enough for her to handle her own emotions, and when yours come up, even though she knows she needs to comfort you, the feeling of inner deprivation will make her feel powerless and helpless. She'll panic and be afraid, not knowing what to do, so she'll lose control of her emotions and say things like, "I don't want to raise you anymore, I'm not capable of loving anyone."

It's not that she doesn't want to comfort you, but she's incapable of loving you. Her hysteria, her out-of-control complaining, her harsh words to you, and even moving out to live on her own aren't signs of a lack of love. They're signs that she's also lacking within and lacks a sense of security.

Your emotions also played a part in igniting hers. She didn't know how to handle her emotions, nor how to face you, nor how to face herself, so she chose to escape and leave you to go out and rent a place on your own.

I can tell you with certainty that your mother loves you. As you mentioned, when she's in a good mood, she's the kind of mother that her classmates envy: "She prepares thoughtful gifts, doesn't care about grades, is fashionable, and is happy to try new things." When you're emotional, she's there to comfort you. She's willing to "persuade, think, and even buy a small whiteboard to write down the things she wants to change on it. It's so sweet..."

2. Find out what you're good at, help yourself to grow, and give yourself a sense of security.

It's important to remember that trusting your mother's love and understanding her emotions doesn't mean ignoring your own needs. She has her own struggles, but they're her own problems that she needs to solve on her own.

For you personally, age 15 is a time when you're moving from child to adult, and your body and mind need to grow. Relying on your mother and having emotions that you want to be hugged and comforted by her is childish thinking and behavior.

Ultimately, you need to grow up and learn to deal with your emotions on your own. If your mother is unable to give you the support you need, it may be the perfect opportunity for you to grow up.

Why not make a commitment to yourself to start now, to try to gain a sense of security and learn to manage your emotions? Don't rely solely on your mother for support.

Your sense of security comes from having self-confidence. You can learn more about your strengths, such as your studies, special skills, hobbies, personality, life skills, and relationships with classmates. When you recognize your own excellence, you become more confident and outstanding. Your inner strength also grows stronger. As a result, you feel more secure. At the same time, show off your strengths and let others see them. Positive feedback from others will also become a driving force for you to become stronger.

I hope these suggestions help you. I'm Ruoyu, your listening coach. Thanks for listening!

Hi, I'm Li Di☀, and I'm happy we connected.

Your mom's mood swings have made you very emotionally unstable. You can't tell whether she loves you or not because you combine the good things she does for you every day with some of her temper. This makes you feel very helpless. Give her a hug. The only way you can figure out whether she loves you is to cry and see if she hugs you and comforts you. She doesn't do that very often, which makes you even more confused. Your thoughts and feelings are all mixed up. You also want to change, but you are afraid of the consequences of change. You are very confused and helpless.

Next, let's take a closer look at the psychological reasons behind your feelings and needs so that you can better understand and accept yourself.

It's normal to have these worries, especially in a family where both parents are going through emotional ups and downs. You might feel particularly vulnerable and insecure. The sense of dependence and longing for your mother's comfort you experience actually reflects our basic human need for intimacy and security.

This need is particularly strong during childhood, as we rely on our parents to meet these fundamental psychological needs. However, as we mature, we gradually learn to soothe and fulfill these needs independently.

Your challenge now is to develop inner strength to take care of yourself while maintaining your attachment to your mother. This is not just about changing behavior, but also about inner growth and transformation. Here are some suggestions to help you find balance in this process:

It's important to feel secure. Try to imagine an "inner mother" in your mind. This is an image that can give you comfort and strength when you feel uneasy. Imagine her by your side, giving you a hug and telling you that everything will be fine.

This is a way to calm your mind and help you take care of yourself when your mother is not around.

Self-talk is a great way to stay positive. When you feel lonely or unloved, remind yourself that you are valuable, that your feelings are valid, and that you deserve to be loved and cared for.

This inner support can be a great source of emotional stability for you.

Self-affirmation: Set aside some time every day to recognize your achievements and positive qualities. This goes beyond external achievements—it's also about how you handle challenging situations and how you take care of yourself and others.

This helps you build self-confidence and a sense of self-worth.

It's important to find ways to express your emotions safely. This could be anything from writing a letter to your mum, even if you don't send it, to journaling about your feelings, or even creative writing or drawing.

It's important to find other people who can provide emotional support, such as friends, teachers, or relatives. Having a support network of people you can turn to for comfort and guidance is really beneficial.

Take some time for self-reflection. Think about your feelings and patterns of behavior. Ask yourself if you're relying too heavily on your mother's emotional reactions to define your own happiness in certain situations.

Think about how you can find peace within yourself without depending on her.

If you're struggling to cope with your emotions or you've tried a few strategies without much success, it's worth speaking to a mental health professional. They can offer tailored advice and support.

Boundary setting: Learn to recognize when you need to set boundaries for your own emotional well-being. This means protecting yourself from negative influences, even if it means physical or emotional distance, if necessary.

Keep in mind that change takes time and is often a two-way street. You're learning to become more independent and stronger, while your mom is learning to become a better mother.

It'll take some time and patience.

Self-care is important. Make sure you have time to do the things you love and take care of your body and mind. This may include exercise, reading, meditation, or anything else that makes you feel happy and fulfilled.

Be okay with imperfection. Accept the imperfections in relationships and in life itself. Nobody's perfect, including your mom and yourself.

This acceptance can help you lower your expectations of a perfect relationship, which will help you feel less disappointed.

Self-actualization: Set yourself some goals that will give you a sense of satisfaction and pride. This will not only boost your self-esteem, but also give your life more focus, not just on family relationships.

Remember, your feelings are valid, and you have the right to feel heard and loved. At the same time, you're learning how to become a more complete and independent person.

The process might be tough, but it's also full of opportunities for growth. Your feelings matter, and so does your journey.

I know you can get through this. Have confidence in yourself.

I hope this helps. And remember, you're one of a kind, and you deserve all the good things in life!

Hello, question asker! Thank you for your question. Your wounded heart needs comfort, and I am here to give it to you.

In such a complicated family environment, your feelings are profound and complex. You have to deal with the confusion and challenges of your own adolescence, and you also have to deal with the impact of your mother's mood swings during menopause.

This double pressure is enormous for you, and I understand your anxiety, helplessness, and confusion.

You need your mother's understanding and comfort. It's a normal need for every child. But the reality is that you often don't get this support. Instead, you have to calm your mother, who is out of control.

This reversal of roles is undoubtedly a heavy burden for you and mentally exhausting.

You also mentioned the love-hate relationship with your mother. On the one hand, you love her dearly and are grateful for everything she has done for you. On the other hand, you are right to feel angry and disappointed when she fails to meet your emotional needs.

This complex emotional entanglement will leave you in a state of conflict and struggle.

I understand you completely. Love and hate are not mutually exclusive; they can coexist in our hearts.

When we have deep feelings for someone, our expectations will increase accordingly. When these expectations are not met, we will feel disappointed and angry.

This does not mean that we no longer love the person. It simply means that our emotional needs have not been met.

You need to learn to express your feelings and needs. Don't be afraid to be honest with your mother about what you are thinking and feeling.

You should not accuse or attack your mother. Instead, communicate with her calmly and in a way that shows you understand her. Tell her about your confusion, your needs, and how you would like her to support you.

Effective communication will improve your relationship.

You must pay attention to your inner world and learn to heal and grow. Try some self-care methods, such as meditation, journaling, or participating in counseling activities.

These methods will help you understand your own inner needs and deal with complex emotional entanglements.

Furthermore, I want to make it clear that you should not rely on your mother for all your emotional support. While she is an important figure in your life, you also have your own life and future to look after.

Expand your social circle, make friends with like-minded people, or cultivate some hobbies to enrich your life. These are sources of emotional support that will give you strength and courage when facing family troubles.

You can do this.

You are a unique and precious individual who deserves to be loved, respected, and cared for. Believe in your abilities and value, no matter what difficulties and challenges you face.

You must maintain hope and faith that you can get out of the predicament and find your own happiness, even in the most difficult times.

Your feelings are real, and your struggles are worthy of understanding and support. You may feel pain and confusion during this process, but you are not alone.

You have people in your life who will listen to you, help you, and support you. Be brave. Face your feelings and needs. Seek help. Grow into a stronger, more independent, and more confident person.

You can do this.

At the same time, you must give your mother some understanding and patience. She is going through her own challenges and difficulties. She may not be perfect, but she is trying to become a better mother.

Establish deeper communication and understanding with her. Work together to overcome the challenges of this stage and promote mutual growth and development.

Your growth process is unique and challenging—and you can get through it. Believe in yourself and your value. Face difficulties bravely and seek help and support when you need it.

You will become stronger, more mature, and more responsible in the process.

I wish you the best of luck, and I hope my answer helps you. The world and I love you. ?

Hello, question asker! Thank you so much for your trust and for inviting me to answer your question.

It seems like the situation is that sometimes she can be her mother's daughter, being taken care of by her mother, and sometimes she has to be her mother's mother, taking care of her emotions. Now she has even moved out to rent a house to "hide from you" in order to avoid further intensification of conflicts, which makes you even more doubt whether the mother who says she will treat you well really loves you. So in order to verify her guess, the questioner cries and screams even more violently, as if pushing her mother even further away.

The reason for this is that the mother's emotions fluctuate too much. Her usual good temper cannot tolerate her child's sadness. The extreme changes in mood from extremely warm to extremely cold often leave the questioner at a loss. It can be hard to know who exactly needs to change, and who needs to change.

It's totally normal to feel like you're the only one who's changed, and that your mom still can't comfort you. But if you don't act because you're afraid of the consequences, you might find yourself stuck in that fear. And we don't want that!

"Whoever suffers, changes; whoever changes, benefits." This is the core driving force behind self-growth and progress! When we face pain, distress, or dissatisfaction, it is these negative emotions that motivate us to find a solution to the problem and try to change the situation.

This change might require us to put in a little effort and overcome a few difficulties, but it's these efforts that allow us to grow and improve. And those who are brave enough to face their pain and actively seek change can often gain the most from it.

Not only do they solve the problems they face, they also enhance their abilities, broaden their horizons, and may even open a new chapter in their lives as a result. You are in your teenage years, no longer the baby who needs a "hug and a high" when you feel aggrieved. You are transitioning from childhood to youth, gradually affirming who you are. You are learning to think and make decisions independently to affirm your identity and values, and bravely taking responsibility and facing the consequences of your choices.

So don't be afraid of pain and change. They are the wonderful things that help us grow!

Remember, no matter if she's the mom who's envied by her peers, the mom who reflects on herself, the mom who's indifferent, or the mom who loses control of her emotions, she's still the same person. Her love for you will never change, but she also has her own issues to deal with. Maybe when she sees her daughter sad, she'll blame herself for being unable to help, and so she'll go from being warm to distant or grumpy. This is because she's begun to indulge in her own emotions. At this time, you usually choose to suppress your emotions and take care of her instead. But you don't need to do that!

We all have the power to control our emotions, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with admitting when we feel out of control. You don't need to use strong emotions to prove your love for your mother. You are the most important person in your life, and you deserve to love yourself.

It's also possible that there's a little girl inside your mother who feels unloved. This might be why she's so weak when it comes to loving others and often loses the strength to carry on halfway through comforting someone. Try to let her hide away and recharge her batteries, and you can also develop the ability to love yourself. At least don't let yourself get too emotional, to the point where you feel heartache and dizziness. These are physical reactions caused by the sympathetic nerve being activated.

At this time, you can let your parasympathetic nervous system take over by taking deep breaths (such as the 478 breathing method) or practicing the butterfly stroke (you can search online for how to do it), to avoid getting too emotional.

I'm not sure where your father stands in all of this, but it would be great if you could get some support from him. It'd also be really helpful if you could talk to other family members or friends who you trust. You're not alone in this!

Wishing you all the best!