Sometimes, it's hard to control emotions, especially when facing my in-laws?

Hello,

Host:

After reading the post, I got the sense that the poster was feeling a bit remorseful. At the same time, I also noticed that the poster was brave enough to express his distress and actively seek help on the platform. This will undoubtedly help the poster to better understand himself and adjust accordingly.

Next, I'd like to share some observations and thoughts from the post. Hopefully, they'll help the original poster gain a better understanding of themselves.

1. What does it mean to be at the mercy of others?

From the post, it seems like the poster is very prone to losing control when dealing with her in-laws' arrangements. She doesn't like it when they make the arrangements.

I don't think many people like being arranged. I can see why the original poster lost control of her emotions.

Let's take a look together at what our in-laws' arrangements mean for us.

First of all, I understand that they break our sense of control. Obviously, we have already made arrangements, but you still insist on causing problems and disrupting our plans. At this time, it is really annoying. On the other hand, if you let your in-laws make the arrangements, doesn't that make you look weak?

They're in a higher position, and you feel inferior, which is a pretty bad feeling. And you have no say in the matter, which brings us to the power struggle in the family.

Another thing to think about is the mother-child relationship. A lot of parents see their kids as an extension of themselves, like they're one and the same. When grandparents get involved in how we raise our kids, it can feel like they're telling us what to do with our own lives. It can make us feel like our own initiative has been taken away. All of this can make us emotional.

2. Learn to express your emotions in a reasonable way.

Our emotions aren't good or bad. They're just messengers that tell us when our hearts have been hurt and remind us of it. Emotions are here to protect us.

We also think it's scary for others. It's just that if the emotions are not expressed in the right way, it can cause some damage.

So, we can learn to express our emotions in a reasonable way. When we notice our emotions arise and we can't control them, we can stop what we're doing, leave the scene, and calm down for a while.

Take a deep breath and calm down a little. This will help you stop letting your emotions control you.

Additionally, we can try to relax our bodies. Once we're aware of our emotions, we can adjust our breathing. Slowly inhale until you can't inhale anymore, hold your breath for a few seconds, and then exhale through your mouth. While exhaling, relax your body. Imagine the tension is exhaled along with the breath.

This can also help us to adjust our emotions pretty quickly.

3. Learn to ask for help when you need it.

The relationship between us and our in-laws is a four-sided one, with you, your husband, and your in-laws all involved. In this kind of relationship, your husband's attitude and support are key. When faced with their arrangements and you're unable to deal with them on your own, don't forget you can ask your husband for help.

Your husband's support will also give you more confidence and make you feel understood and accepted, and like you're being held. So don't forget the essence of the relationship between your in-laws and you.

4. You can also talk through the rules together.

It's only natural that there'll be differences between the two generations when it comes to parenting. But if you can, it's definitely worth discussing the rules. One way to do this is to divide up the work and take turns taking care of the children. When you're looking after the children yourself, you're responsible for everything that happens to them. When you ask for help, they're responsible.

It's okay to communicate privately without arguing in front of the children when you have disagreements.

It's important to discuss things and follow the rules together. That way, there'll be a lot fewer conflicts. And there'll be a lot fewer instances of losing control of your emotions, too.

I hope these are helpful and inspiring for the poster. I'm Zeng Chen, a psychological coach.

If you'd like to talk more, just click on Find a Coach and you'll find me.

Hello, question asker!

From what you've said, it seems like you're blaming yourself for your control-my-emotions-what-should-i-do-2120.html" target="_blank">emotions and wanting to change them. It's okay, though. It's not your fault to have emotions—everyone has their own.

The questioner said it's tough to keep their emotions in check, especially around their in-laws. So I'd like to ask the questioner when this started.

Is this "special" something that happens often? Is it more common when dealing with other people, or is it more common when dealing with your in-laws?

The questioner also wants to know what the relationship with the in-laws was like before and when it might improve.

Has anything unpleasant happened before?

The questioner said it's tough to control emotions. What's the situation like at home and with friends and colleagues? When can you have better communication with them?

How's the relationship between you and your husband? Do you communicate with him?

Can you take a look at the environment and education of your own family of origin? Are there some emotions that you haven't understood or let out?

I don't know exactly what the questioner is feeling, but I do know that they have a range of emotions. I've got a few suggestions for the questioner that I hope will be helpful.

It's important to pay more attention to yourself and figure out what's really behind your emotions.

Emotions are a part of our lives. There's no such thing as being completely emotionless. When something happens, we can try to understand why it happened, record it, find a pattern, and slowly find the root of the problem.

It's also a good idea to learn to control your emotions and communicate about them.

It's normal to have emotions, but we need to learn to control our negative emotions instead of letting them control us. This is something that needs to be learned slowly. Once you have control over your emotions, you can communicate with your in-laws or husband, and you can also tell them that you understand and respect them, but that some of their emotions have been ignored by them and yourself.

③ Adjust your mindset and become one with your body and mind.

If you can stick to your commitments and do what you say you'll do, you'll see a big boost in your confidence in no time. Keeping your word is about doing what you say you'll do.

This applies to both other people and ourselves. Speaking from the heart means that what you say matches your inner emotional feelings exactly.

It's also important to learn to release negative emotions.

We're often told to be emotionally stable adults. We've learned to keep our negative emotions to ourselves.

If you suppress your emotions, they can build up inside you and even affect your body.

In traditional Chinese medicine, many physical ailments are thought to be caused by psychological factors.

Fear can damage the kidneys, sadness can harm the lungs, thinking can damage the spleen, joy can harm the heart, and anger can harm the liver.

It's important to pay attention to your emotions and learn how to release them in a healthy way.

It's also a good idea to exercise more.

Exercise releases a lot of dopamine, which can make us feel happy. It can also improve bad moods, make people feel happy, and effectively prevent and treat the effects of emotional stress, among other things.

When you're feeling down, don't just let it happen. Get up and get moving! Whether you go for a walk or go for a run, get out there and get moving as much as you can.

Hippocrates, the father of medicine, once said, "Sunshine, air, water, and exercise are the source of life and health."

Exercise is a mood regulator and a cure-all.

sixth, make sure you practice meditation and deep breathing, and protect yourself from the sun after class.

I'd also like to tell the questioner that most people lead pretty normal lives, but we often forget to take care of our emotions.

I'd suggest some books to the original poster: Why Family Hurts by Wu Zhihong, and some books by Ellis, including Why I Let Emotions Control Me. There's also a series of books called Mr. Toad Goes to the Doctor.

Hello, host!

From your description, I can clearly see the inner conflict and pain you are feeling! This kind of situation may happen in your life from time to time, and it makes you very angry.

You can be sure that after a temper tantrum, it will happen again next time, which is a big drain on you.

The anger comes from the fact that you can't make the decisions.

You've already made arrangements for the baby's bath, yet your in-laws still can't let it go.

They are still helping you in an emotional way, which would be offensive to anyone else.

Think about why your in-laws can't let go of this matter.

1) They are too idle? They have nothing to do.

2) They don't trust your mother to take care of the baby?

3) They love the child and believe the mother is not doing a good job.

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Once you identify the root of the problem, you can then instruct them on how to prevent interference.

You and your in-laws use the same communication style.

They don't care how you arrange things with the children.

They take out their dissatisfaction on the children and then arrange for them.

You don't confront your in-laws directly when they're making arrangements, and you don't start controlling your children.

You both do the same thing.

1) You make a judgment first, then you deal with your emotions.

2) The mother-in-law didn't ask if I had prepared the baby's bath.

3) You should have said, "Grandma, you don't need to worry about this. I've already made the arrangements."

[See the needs behind yourself]

As a mother, you deserve to be respected and recognized.

Parents are the primary caretakers of their children. The in-laws did not maintain respect in this regard.

You must honestly express your feelings and needs if you want to meet your own needs.

This requires deliberate practice and cannot be achieved casually.

[Communication methods need to change.]

People are used to dealing with conflicts in the way they have always done, and it may have worked in your life before, but it's time for a change.

You know this way of solving problems is no longer working, and that's why you need to make a change.

Read the book "Nonviolent Communication" ten times.

The power of language is undeniable.

You are a very powerful person. It shows when you lose your temper.

When you learn a new way of communicating, your strength will remain the same, but it will be constructive.

You will become an excellent role model for your children.

Use your power the right way and you will earn respect for the elderly and set boundaries.

You will become a daughter-in-law that your parents-in-law will respect!

I'm Amy, and I'm here to help.