These years of work have been consistently unsmooth, either quitting or being laid off. What should I do?

Hello there!

I totally get it. It's so tough when we keep having work setbacks. It really takes a toll on our confidence. I know how it feels to feel like a failure. It's so hard to interact with other people when you're feeling that way.

The wonderful humanistic psychologist Adler once said something really interesting: "All human troubles come from interpersonal relationships."

We all have our struggles, and I can see that you're facing some challenges in social situations. It's totally normal! We all have different strengths and weaknesses, and some jobs might not be the best fit for you.

I can see that the jobs you're looking for all involve dealing with customers, and I know that can be tough for us.

This has led to some disappointing setbacks at work, but on the bright side, I can see that the questioner has a pretty good grasp on his strengths and weaknesses.

But don't worry about that now. What's important is that we make a change and stop letting this situation continue.

I really believe that the questioner needs to build up his self-confidence now. And when looking for a job, he can choose some work that doesn't require dealing with people.

I see that the questioner added that this year's goal is to have a job that requires technical skills, which I think is a great goal for him! We can use our skills to get a foothold in our workplace first, and then deal with colleagues and friends with awareness.

It's so important to remember that social phobias don't develop overnight. They need time to work through, and the same goes for the changes we want to see in ourselves. We don't need to rush things, and there's no need to worry if it takes a little while.

Take your time, read more, and learn more about communication. Then, take a good look at yourself. I think you'll find it's best to put the methods in the book into practice.

I truly believe that as long as we are attentive, we will slowly make changes.

Of course, if you'd like to make changes more quickly, you can also seek help from a counselor.

I wish the questioner all the best this year!

I really hope my answer is helpful to the questioner!

Thank you so much for your time. I'm Jiusi from Yixinli, and I just wanted to say that I love you all!

Good morning,

Host:

My name is Zeng Chen, and I am a mindfulness coach. I have carefully read the post and can ascertain from the content that you have experienced significant challenges in recent years. At the same time, I also note that you have courageously confronted your inner self and proactively sought assistance on the platform, which will undoubtedly facilitate a deeper understanding of yourself and enable you to make necessary adjustments to achieve a more optimal state of being.

I will now share my observations and thoughts from the post, which may help you to view yourself from a more diverse perspective.

1. Frequently, elevated levels of anxiety and nervousness result in suboptimal performance.

From the aforementioned post, it was observed that the instances where you described your work were largely characterized by feelings of anxiety and nervousness. Additionally, it was noted that you possess a keen awareness of your physical state and emotional responses, allowing you to discern when you are feeling anxious in a given situation.

It is beneficial to be aware that sensitivity to one's own emotions can facilitate a deeper understanding and knowledge of oneself.

I believe the original poster is aware that increased anxiety and nervousness result in poorer performance. Therefore, we should examine the underlying causes of this anxiety and nervousness.

It would be beneficial to examine the underlying needs that drive our emotions.

2. Identify the underlying needs that drive emotions.

Our emotions serve as messengers, conveying messages from our hearts. By understanding and interpreting our emotions, we can gain insight into our hearts' needs and voice.

The individual in question has been diagnosed with social phobia and has openly discussed his anxiety issues on numerous occasions at work.

It is not uncommon for individuals with social anxiety to experience concerns about their ability to perform well, particularly in situations where there is an element of uncertainty or risk. It is therefore important to consider whether these emotions are indicative of underlying anxieties about future performance.

Due to concerns about potential shortcomings, the body releases hormones that induce a state of heightened alertness and mobilize additional energy to address these challenges.

It has been established by scientific data that moderate levels of stress and anxiety can assist in effectively addressing challenges, whereas elevated or depressed levels can impede motivation. The host of this forum may wish to consider whether their feelings of anxiety and nervousness are driven by concerns about their ability to perform well in the task at hand.

Do you have concerns that your performance may be met with ridicule? Do you have reservations about whether others hold you in high regard?

Do you feel that you lack the requisite ability to meet these challenges?

Identifying the message and needs conveyed by your emotions through these questions enables a deeper understanding of yourself. When you have a clear understanding of yourself, you can make more informed decisions and develop your potential more effectively.

3. Connect with your body.

As noted in the original post, the host displays a proclivity for nervousness and anxiety. It is also worth noting that the generation of these emotions often manifests physically.

For instance, when I experience anxiety, my heart rate increases and I feel a sense of discomfort in my heart. When I become aware of these changes in my body, I direct my attention to this uncomfortable area.

Please direct your attention to this area for a few moments. Then, please ask yourself why you are feeling anxious.

Often, when I focus on the source of discomfort, positive results occur. In many cases, my anxiety is alleviated or even disappears. Even when it persists, directing some of my attention to my body allows me to view my emotions from an external perspective.

It may still be present, but I will not allow it to overwhelm me. The individual in question may benefit from learning and practicing techniques for connecting with their body when they experience emotions and observing them from the perspective of an objective third party.

Often, our emotions will be relieved. It is also recommended that you try to relax your body, as it will become stiff or uncomfortable when emotions arise.

At this juncture, it is recommended that you use breathing techniques to relax your body. The objective is to slow your breathing, allowing your body to relax. This will help to relieve your emotions. The underlying principle is that your body cannot simultaneously be tense and relaxed.

It is often the case that the more relaxed we are, the more relaxed our emotions become. This method is also commonly used in psychological counseling.

4. Accept yourself for who you are.

Additionally, the post indicates that the host frequently compares himself to others. What are the implications of such comparisons? They can lead to increased anxiety.

It is therefore worth questioning why we compare. It is clear that the purpose of comparison is to gain an understanding of our own position, rather than increasing anxiety.

It is important to recognise that individuals possess different strengths, and therefore comparisons are not a productive use of time.

This discussion brings to mind a story related by the renowned psychologist Wu Zhihong. In his narrative, a marathon runner's accomplishment is not solely determined by finishing first. Instead, the significance lies in the act of running, taking action, and crossing the finish line.

If you take action, you will have already surpassed countless others.

It is sometimes necessary to accept the real self. What is the consequence of being a little slower than others? As long as we do it, we can do it too.

It's simply a matter of investing a little more time. Therefore, it is recommended that you accept your true self, accept the aspects of yourself that you cannot change, and focus your attention on the aspects of yourself that you can change. This will help you to become a better version of yourself.

I hope these words have been of some help and inspiration to you. If you require further assistance, please click on Find a Coach to arrange one-on-one communication and work together to overcome your problems.

Hello, questioner.

It sounds like you're having trouble at work and with communication, which makes you question whether you have

You say you have social phobia, which causes a lot of anxiety.

I don't know how old you are. I'd like to know when you first started feeling sensitive to setbacks in interpersonal relationships.

You've had two setbacks at work, but you've found two jobs in a row.

You still have a certain degree of communication and social skills, which have nothing to do with social phobia.

You also need to rethink the fact that your first job lasted three months.

If you really have social phobia, how can you possibly find a job and keep it for three months?

If you weren't so hesitant to pick up the package and frustrated at work, you'd know you don't have social phobia.

If you hadn't hesitated to pick up the parcel and if you hadn't been frustrated at work, you would not have thought you had "social phobia," would you?

Psychological explanation:

If a person is very sensitive in interpersonal relationships, has difficulty communicating with others, and stutters,

There is a clear link between blushing or being afraid to express oneself and early family education.

A pair of relatively harsh and strict parents educate their child by criticizing them, which engulfs the child in an internal

They are overwhelmed by feelings of shame.

As an adult, a person may be overly concerned with the opinions of others. When they encounter someone who speaks harshly or is

A critical person will activate the trauma from an early age and the subconscious sense of shame, making him a yes-man and even afraid to express himself.

They need to be able to express themselves.

We will find that many children are afraid to communicate in the outside world because of their parents' criticism and harshness.

I would like to take a moment to remind you of the following:

The majority of us think in a linear manner, seeking out cause-and-effect relationships.

For example, when we suspect that we are socially anxious, we immediately look for all the evidence.

Evidence is like how the public security bureau solves a case: there are clues, so you start with a hypothesis, and then verify the hypothesis through evidence.

These two failures at work were caused by your failure to properly handle interpersonal relationships at work.

You were then asked to resign, and you began to question whether you were socially awkward.

You need to work on your communication skills. It's a skill.

If you insist, you can absolutely acquire it through intensive training.

First, find someone close to you as a sparring partner.

Find out what your emotional state is like when communicating with them. Listen to their feedback and suggestions.

Expressing yourself better is as simple as interacting with someone who makes you feel more secure.

Second, find a third job.

You can find the third job because the first two have already been found.

Re-establish new relationships at work and exercise to find someone with similar personality traits.

Third, find a psychology growth group in your local area.

Take part in an existential group or a dynamic growth group. The leader will guide you.

Interact positively with each member. Through mutual feedback, you will recognize your own communication style.

Your interpersonal relationships will improve in the short term.

Fourth, get involved in public welfare activities.

Psychology master Adler asserts that an individual's active participation in social groups and public welfare can

Improving low self-esteem is simple: when we realize our self-worth, our sense of self-esteem begins to improve.

You can overcome inferiority!

I am the consultant, Mr. Yao, and I will continue to support and follow you!

I am Consultant Yao, and I will continue to support and pay attention to you!

Hello!

You say you're really struggling with social anxiety. It's so hard when you're in situations where you have to interact with people, like when you're waiting for the post to come. It's natural to feel anxious in those moments. It's also hard to have a normal conversation when you're feeling that way. It's not easy to focus on a task for too long, and it can feel like you're not good at anything. It's totally understandable that you feel troubled and confused!

I know it can feel like there's no hope for the future when you're in that situation. But you've been so strong, and you've kept going, and you've faced it all with courage.

You've got this! If you feel like you can't socialize much, try something creative like drawing or working on a patent application. If you're feeling lonely, think about spending time with friends. Your desire to change is your greatest strength, and it shows how determined you are to make a positive change!

I think it would be a great idea for you to get a professional assessment. If it is confirmed that you are suffering from social phobia, you should definitely take it seriously, as it is a disease after all.

I'm happy to tell you that cognitive behavioral therapy is currently the most effective psychological therapy for social phobia. It uses exposure therapy, cognitive restructuring, relaxation training, social skills training, and other methods to help you get rid of the symptoms of social phobia. Here is a rough description:

1. Exposure therapy:

It's okay to do things you know you shouldn't do sometimes. It's all about taking that first step and then taking another one after that. You've got this!

2. Cognitive reconstruction:

It's so important to be aware of your feelings before, during, and after anxiety. Try to think about what's causing your anxiety and come up with a more reasonable way of thinking about it.

3. Relaxation training:

I just wanted to let you know that alternating contraction and relaxation trains each muscle group.

4. Social skills method:

Find someone you know well to play the role of a communication partner, or just imagine a scenario yourself. Learn some social conversation and skills to help you feel more confident in social situations.

I have a question about this: you said that you felt much better when you lived with your colleagues. Was it the way your colleagues got along with you, or was it the people themselves?

I'm wondering if you've ever lived with someone else before. Did you feel the same way then? Or did something else happen? Maybe this is an opening for your transformation!

I just wanted to suggest that if finances allow, it might be a good idea to find a counselor who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy to help you. I'm not trying to make you do anything, it's just my two cents!

I really hope you get to do what you want to do soon!

You've got this! Stay strong!

Hello, question asker! I'm thrilled to answer your question.

From the questioner's description, it can be seen that the questioner seems to be unable to socialize with others. When faced with communication with others, they are always very passive, and even have obstacles when communicating. Is this true? The good news is that this is something that can be overcome! Social barriers arise in people and are related to anxiety and worry, but there are ways to overcome them.

It could also be a sign that the questioner needs a little more confidence and to face their fears of being rejected. I hope I can give the questioner a little boost of strength so that they can face their anxiety head on!

I'm thrilled to answer this question on the Yi Xinli platform!

1. Embrace your social anxiety!

Embrace your feelings of tension and anxiety that come up when you're around others. These emotions can make you think negatively about socializing, but you can change that! Instead of letting your mind race with worries about communicating well or feeling like you're not good enough, focus on communicating with others and tuning in to what they're saying.

Once you've understood your worrying mentality, you can start to overcome it and avoid getting caught up in these thoughts too much. You can do it! I'm not good at expressing myself, but I can get better. I can communicate well with others. I just need to get more familiar with it.

2. It's time to dive deep and analyze your fears!

Specifically, analyze what you are afraid of and fear, and face them squarely. Learn to analyze why you are afraid of them. If you can take a piece of paper and write them down, go for it! Then ask yourself a question: why do you think that way, why do you feel that you must not do a good job? If you take into account all the responses of others, you'll be able to communicate well with others!

3. Don't feel bad too early!

You might feel like you can't do it or that you'll definitely fail before you even get started. But why not use your last failure as a chance to improve your ability?

If you focus too much on the result, you'll find yourself caught up in the thoughts you're afraid of, and you'll miss out on focusing on the process. But here's the good news: you can overcome this! Before you start working or communicating with others, you might feel that you're not good at this or that.

This is also a kind of reverse psychological suggestion and hypnosis. If you always think you are not good enough, then you will easily fail. But here's the good news! You can change your thinking and your life will change too! All you have to do is stop thinking about the bad scenes and start thinking about all the good things that could happen. When you do this, you will feel more confident and less anxious. And when you feel less anxious, you are more likely to succeed!

In some public places, no one will pay much attention to the questioner. But that just means there's plenty of room for you to shine in other ways! Everyone is busy with their own affairs, and people are more willing to pay attention to themselves or things related to their own interests.

4. It's totally normal to be nervous!

It's totally normal to feel nervous! Everyone gets nervous sometimes. It's just our bodies' way of reacting to the outside world. The questioner needs to know that lots of people get nervous when socializing. Some even get so nervous they stutter! And more and more people are nervous when socializing nowadays.

So when others see you nervous, they won't deliberately make things difficult for you. Why? Because everyone gets nervous at times!

5. Overcome social anxiety and take back control!

You can do this! You just need to practice more to overcome your social anxiety. This requires the questioner to constantly persevere and work hard on their own. It is best to find a psychological counselor to give you psychological intervention first, and then have them design a social training program based on your situation.

The good news is that, as long as the questioner masters the correct social skills and practices socializing with others, they will be able to overcome their social anxiety!

The questioner can discuss with their own psychological counselor, set themselves social goals, and achieve their goals step by step. I absolutely believe the questioner will definitely grow up! Come on!

I really hope my answer helps the questioner!

After the New Year, I made the exciting decision to stop living at my aunt's house and move into the company. I first had the chance to experience the unique setup of the boss's unused rental room for about 14 days. During those 14 days alone in the rental room, I had the opportunity to focus on my own space and work.

Those days were very boring, but after I moved in with my colleague, things got a lot better! My emotional state was okay at this time, but after a while, my colleague told me that the boss had originally wanted to fire you and A. Your work and data were not good, and the other colleague A had lost money on the paid advertising.

Then I became more anxious. Then I looked at my colleague who shared the same apartment with me. He was promoted and went on study trips and was recognized by the trainees as a lecturer. I became even more anxious. I started working on the same day as him. The gap was so big, and the psychological anxiety never subsided. My mental state got worse and worse. But then something amazing happened!

Then, a mistake was made in the financial records of the client I was serving. I was so nervous and at a loss that my supervisor was assigned to share the financial management burden. This made her uncomfortable, and her attitude towards me became very hostile. The client was acting weird in the group chat, and I was so stressed and anxious that I didn't know what to do. I didn't reply to them either, and my boss probably saw that I didn't respond in the group chat and thought I was doing nothing.

Then he had a talk with me. He basically asked me to give him an explanation or a guarantee, which I was happy to do!

I said I would quit if I didn't make this mistake. My mental state at the time was really bad, but I was excited to have the opportunity to make a change!

On Thursday, I was dismissed. The boss said that I was not dedicated to the job. I guessed that this was probably the case. I was anxious and felt that this was difficult on the third day I came to the company. Then I made up an excuse and said that I had a cold and took leave. The boss was already uncomfortable at this time. On Wednesday, my colleagues who came two days after me were already working on the third case, while I was only halfway through the second one. I was anxious. When I returned to my place to live in the evening, I thought about drawing for an hour, but my mind was so tense that I couldn't draw anything.

My mind just exploded, and I didn't sleep all night. The next day I was late again, and I told my boss that I was stuck in traffic. Then he asked me to change jobs, which was a great opportunity for me to explore new possibilities!

He said that I only have one case every 17 days, and even if you exclude the six days off, it's still 11-12 days. Anyway, he said I'm not dedicated and don't work hard.

I got this job myself, and it's a great opportunity for me to develop my technical skills while also learning how to draw diagrams and file patent applications. It's a technical job that requires little social skills, which I'm excited to learn more about.

I just spent every day drawing on the computer and explaining the drawings I made to others. This is something you need to learn, and you need to know how to use some drawing software, but you don't need to have high-level skills. The great thing is, you can learn this!

Then I became anxious as I worked. Two colleagues who arrived two days after me had some basic knowledge of the subject, but I really lagged behind them. I couldn't concentrate at work, and there were about 10 employees in the company, and we didn't say more than 50 words a day. I didn't do well in this job, which didn't require much social interaction, but I'm excited to try something new!

It was a big blow, and I still feel it. At work, I always have doubts about whether I can do the job, and I feel that I can't do it well. My IQ is above average, and it's not that this is too difficult for me to master—it's just that I have to work harder to get there!

I've realized that I tend to get stuck in my thinking, which makes it difficult for me to concentrate. I'm working on it! When I see other people working calmly, I get anxious when I'm working, especially when dealing with complicated things that require thinking. I'm excited to work on this!

I'm excited to find a job after the interview! While it won't solve my current problems, I'm optimistic that it will help me overcome my social phobia.

It's been about six or seven years since I've made any new friends. My friends are just childhood friends and relatives, and I've lost contact with my classmates.

Since childhood, I have been a person who is afraid of socializing. But I was fine during elementary school and the first year of junior high school! The later years were a bit rough, but I'm ready to make a comeback!

I'm excited to find a job and make new friends! It'll be great to have someone to share my experiences with. I've noticed that most people are working or living in pairs, so I'm looking forward to joining the crowd.

For the past two years, I have always found a place to live and go to work alone. It was great having someone to know before, and I feel that having the company of an acquaintance would be even better than being alone. It would help with psychological adjustment and improve my social anxiety.

On top of that, I'm also working on my appearance anxiety, which comes with a face full of acne scars. I'm still in treatment, but I'm excited to see the results!

This year, I set my sights high: I wanted to land a great job and start planning for a bright future. I was already raking in cash to pay for my own treatment, but now I'm facing a few unexpected challenges. It's a bit of a setback, but I'm staying positive and looking forward to bouncing back!