When arguing or getting angry with my mother, I can't help but curse her. How do I cope with the pain?

Hello! I really hope my answer can help you in some way.

When we're scolded by our mom, we feel sad and a little hurt, but we can't argue back, so we keep our feelings inside. This is why you're having such a strong emotional reaction. Don't blame yourself, and don't choose extreme ways to deal with it. There are still many ways for us to adjust.

I've got a few suggestions for you:

1. It's so important to accept that this is just how your mother is, and that we can't change other people.

The book "The Power of Now" has a great way of looking at things. It says there are only three things in the world: your own affairs, other people's affairs, and the affairs of God. It's so easy to get caught up in worrying about other people's affairs and the affairs of God, isn't it? But the truth is, we can't control other people or the world around us. We can only control our own actions and thoughts.

It's so important to remember that what other people think and do is their business, and we cannot control it. Our wonderful mom is an independent individual, and her thoughts and feelings are influenced by her genetic makeup, upbringing, education, living environment, etc. So, she is just the way she is, and if she doesn't want to change, there is nothing we can do to change her.

We can't change her, but we can change ourselves! We can try to accept her and express our needs and feelings to her.

When you truly accept her, you'll find that you don't feel disgusted by many of her behaviors. You'll be calm because you'll realize that the real her is just the way she is. She's not the way you want her to be, and she has her limitations. But she loves you, and that's what matters!

2. Let's express our feelings and needs through non-violent communication.

Let's look at the steps of non-violent communication together. We can start by stating the objective facts, then express our feelings, needs, and finally request the other person's actions.

You can say to your mother, "Mum, today... At the time, you scolded me because of... (state the objective facts, being careful not to accuse or judge). I felt bad, a little aggrieved, and a little angry (express your true feelings). I'm all grown up now, and I hope you can respect some of my decisions and let me make some decisions on my own (express your needs). In the future, I'd love it if you could stop communicating with me by scolding, and instead tell me what your needs are (ask the other person to take action).

When you understand each other's needs and feelings in this way, something wonderful happens. Your emotional connection becomes deeper, and you understand and know each other better.

3. Let it all out! Release those emotions in a way that feels good for you.

It's so important to remember that suppression, torment, and even suicide are not good ways to deal with our emotions. The good news is that we can release our emotions in so many different ways!

1. Make sure you're hanging out with the right crowd! It's so important to have friends who can support you and encourage you, and who you feel comfortable with.

2. Go for a walk, play some sports, and just relax your body and mind!

3. Writing therapy is a great way to get all those inner feelings and thoughts out of your head and onto paper. It doesn't matter if your handwriting is messy or if the logic of your content is a bit off, just go ahead and express yourself!

4. Let it all out! Punch a pillow or sandbag to release your anger by hitting a soft object.

5. You can also try the empty chair technique to release your emotions. All you have to do is place an empty chair in a room and imagine that the person you want to confide in is sitting in it. Then, you can express yourself to the chair, whether it's anger, frustration, or anything else you're feeling.

Take care of yourself and let it all out when you need to. I'm sending you all the best wishes!

Hello, boy who asked the question.

I understand you. Sometimes you speak without thinking. You're used to this mode of communication. You can't think of better words or ways to express your feelings, especially when you're angry. Your language system has lost the ability to organize normal speech. You feel like the victim, but you act like the aggressor.

You feel bound by traditional moral thinking that children should be filial to their parents, should not rebel against them, and should never abuse them. This shows that you are a good child with good qualities. Don't be too hard on yourself.

You must see the TV series "Little Reunion." The main character is Yingzi, an excellent student. She's a good kid, but she also hates her mother, and it's driving her crazy. She tells everyone, "Your mother only wants what's best for you." This makes her think her mother is wrong, but she can't help hating her. She can't decide whether to follow her heart or fight against it. She doesn't understand, and she's almost at her wit's end.

The character in the TV series was particularly pitiful. Her inner world was so difficult, doubting herself and unable to be her true self.

Life is precious, love is even more so. But if it means freedom, you can give up both. Everyone has the right to pursue freedom. You are not an unfilial or rebellious son. You are not inferior. The problem is that you and your mother don't get along.

You will find ways to cope with the pressure. Look at your mother's desire to see her children succeed. Communicate with her. If you hate it, ignore it and focus on your own things. The girl in the TV series goes to her father for distraction and to an aunt she can talk to about her mood. Find other relatives and friends to support you. Talk about it. Being able to talk about it is half the battle. Find good friends to do things with. You can do it.

The world and I love you.