Whenever I feel down and unhappy, I always get the idea of resenting my mother.

Good day.

You are 23 years old and currently enrolled in university. You have expressed that when you experience negative emotions, you tend to feel a sense of resentment towards your mother.

You believe you shouldn't have an outlet for such emotions, but you may not fully understand why you consistently, unconsciously, generate such emotions and resentment towards your mother.

I don't believe that you have a mental disorder. From what you've shared, there are no obvious symptoms that would indicate a mental disorder. In our country, only psychiatrists are qualified to diagnose mental disorders.

If it would be helpful, you can go to the hospital to rule out a mental disorder.

There are many classic experiments in psychological behaviorism, a series of experiments related to stimulus-response in the nervous system. Some stimuli are associated with responses, forming inherent conditioned reflexes.

These feelings of hatred have formed a conditioned reflex, stemming from your childhood, from your mother's neglect and abuse of you, using you as a punching bag. As a child, you strived to become the "other people's child" in other people's eyes, to please your mother and gain a little of her attention. However, your mother was unable to recognize your excellence and often expressed that you were not good enough.

As a child, it may be challenging to express a more nuanced emotion like hatred. It's understandable that in the moment, it may feel like the only way to please. It's possible that this is when the emotion of hating your mother was fixed like a conditioned reflex.

It is understandable that every time you feel negative emotions or experience setbacks, you will activate the previous conditioned reflex and begin to feel a vague hatred. However, you may feel that you shouldn't do this rationally, and you try to convince yourself not to hate your mother.

There are two potential reasons for this. One is that your mother may have experienced emotional challenges when you were a child, which may have manifested in her interactions with you. The other is that your parents have provided you with significant support and assistance throughout your university years.

Perhaps we could consider the question of whether we should hate our mothers? I think it would be helpful to explore this together.

It is worth noting that each time we encounter a similar event, the transmission and venting of this emotion occurs almost instantaneously. This is not a result of rational analysis or conscious decision-making, but rather an emotional reflex established in early years. In such instances, there is no question of what should or shouldn't be.

It's important to recognize that your emotional reflexes are still there, and that there is no simple answer when it comes to hating your mother. It's natural for your hatred to still be lurking in the subconscious, and it's understandable that you might feel the need to control your emotions and prevent yourself from hating.

On the one hand, there is the hate that is a conditioned reflex, and on the other hand, there is the self-blame for hating. This can be a challenging source of conflict.

No matter who the other person is, whether it's a parent or a friend, our emotions towards them are complex and intertwined with a range of feelings, including joy, anger, sorrow, resentment, and even hatred. We can sometimes feel similarly towards ourselves. Sometimes we blame ourselves, doubt ourselves, and deny ourselves, and sometimes we are complacent, motivated, and self-assured. There is no need to convince ourselves to unify our emotions. We are all complex human beings.

When certain emotions arise, it can be helpful to greet them with kindness and acceptance, welcoming them into our awareness. These emotions are a part of our being, and by embracing them, we can learn to coexist with them in a constructive manner.

Consider allowing yourself to experience both positive and negative emotions, including hatred towards your mother and love for her. It is important to acknowledge that these feelings are part of our emotional spectrum. Allow yourself to embrace these emotions without judgment.

I would like to express my love for the world and for you.

Dear Sir/Madam, Due to the traumatic experiences you had during your childhood, you tend to experience negative emotions, such as resentment, towards your mother. The traumatic experiences you had as a child are still vivid in your mind, and although you try to understand your mother, these emotions still arise unconsciously. Best regards, [Your name]

Despite being neglected and ignored during your formative years, you managed to become a well-regarded individual. However, you have consistently questioned why a child with your exceptional qualities could not receive affirmation or attention within your family. You have persevered through these challenges, which have undoubtedly caused you significant distress.

Despite your parents' current positive treatment of you, why is it so difficult to overcome this resentment? When negative emotions arise, they remind you of the trauma of your childhood, which actually originates from the inner child within you, who has never been seen, crying out about the trauma of her past and expressing her unfulfilled desires.

The inner child from your childhood is a factor in your adult behavior patterns.

Due to the traumatic experience you endured during your childhood, your inner child has become helpless and unsettled. Consequently, even if a similar incident occurs in the future, it will evoke that vulnerable inner child and drag you back to that helpless and unsettled state of mind. This results in resentment towards your mother and the belief that she caused the situation.

If the inner child is not healed, the feeling will persist.

It would be beneficial for you to interact with your inner child and provide her with the necessary support. Additionally, it is crucial to confront your past experiences and acknowledge the impact they have had on you. This will pave the way for positive changes and facilitate the nurturing of your inner child.

It is estimated that the majority of individuals have experienced some form of childhood trauma, to varying degrees. Each traumatic experience gives rise to a unique inner child. It is my sincere hope that you will be able to provide the necessary nourishment to your inner child in the near future. I am confident that the aforementioned information will prove beneficial to you.

Hello, I saw this description and it seems like I saw myself.

I was depressed and blamed my mother.

I know why I am like this.

I'll remember the hurtful things that happened to me because I don't have enough energy to suppress them.

When you're healthy, your immune system can fight minor germs. But when you're sick, it can't, and germs attack your body.

When I'm feeling down, I'm vulnerable. Negative memories flood back.

I can't change the situation, and I don't want to bear the consequence, so I need someone to bear it for me. My mother is the person closest to me, the person who raised me, so I think of her.

I feel it's not my responsibility. It's because she didn't do a good job of raising me that I'm in this situation.

It made me vulnerable, less confident, and bad at socializing.

I want to hide behind my mother and make her take responsibility for me. I want to escape from this truth.

I see my heart is vulnerable. I hate my mother.

I love and hate my mother at the same time. The heart is complex.

I want to reconcile with my mother and stop hating her, but I can't do it now. Then there's no need to. My heart is fragile right now.

When my heart is strong, I will stop hating.

Hello. The negative experiences in your upbringing have left scars in your heart. When you encounter external environmental pressures or emotional fluctuations, that scar will trigger pain, making you resent your mother for hurting you and doubt yourself. But you can heal.

It is a fact that our attitudes and perceptions of ourselves and the world can be influenced by early childhood experiences. If you did not receive a sense of sufficient love as a child and were even often rejected and suppressed, you may have left behind physical and mental memories like this: the world is unsafe and unfair, and even if I try very hard and am very good, I may not be recognized.

If even my mother, who should love me most, belittles and criticizes me, it doesn't mean I'm not good enough. You were already very good when you were little, the "child of other people," but your mother still picked on you, which was confusing and disempowering for a child. What could you do to get your mother's approval? You didn't have the ability or resources to question or argue with your mother, so you endured it. These repressed feelings will later in life be triggered by external stimuli and disturb your thoughts.

You have two options to explore and improve in this state. One is to re-establish a relationship with your mother. You are trying to understand the reasons behind her actions at the time, which may have been postpartum depression, the stress of caring for multiple children, and other personal limitations.

You should talk to your mother about your distress. Tell her about the worries of that little child, or write her a letter.

You are entitled to forgive or not forgive your mother for what she did. What you are not entitled to is to withhold a chance for that helpless child to express herself.

You must also consider the building of new experiences. While early experiences cannot be modified, it is important to understand that the family of origin is only one part of the complex ecosystem that influences a person. It is not the only or decisive factor.

The environment, school (teachers and classmates), society (including friends and colleagues), and the educational information you have received (such as knowledge, understanding, and life reflections) are all important elements that shape your personality. You have overcome many difficulties and grown up strong. You have also seen changes in family relationships and the support your parents now provide, which shows that you have the ability to build a new life and that your family also has the opportunity to continue to develop new momentum.

Focus on these ongoing changes and know that you can heal old wounds while building a new self.

In your daily life, you must cultivate the habit of seeing yourself in a positive light. Give yourself affirmation and encouragement for your efforts. Be your "ideal parent" and also be your best friend.

I can see that the questioner is struggling with a lot of conflicting emotions. It's not a mental disorder, but it's the pain caused by these conflicting emotions that's affecting the questioner's mental and psychological state. From what the questioner has said, it seems like he's not willing to blame his bad mood on how his mother treated him when he was a child. He just connects the two when he's feeling emotional.

This shows that the questioner is unable to move on from that past experience and is questioning, denying and rejecting their own self-worth. At the same time, it's also a way of protecting themselves subconsciously. They blame their bad mood on their mother and think that everything is fine, so they don't have to face the fact that they're not loved or recognised. They don't want to feel so bad.

For such conflicts, the questioner may want to change their thinking and accept the conflicting emotions in their heart, the fact that they are feeling bad, the way they were treated by their mother in the past, everything that has happened to them, and the thoughts in their heart. Then they can figure out what they want most when they are feeling bad, whether it is pain or something else, and give themselves what they need to feel better. Then the questioner's distress will be alleviated a lot.

These are just my personal opinions, but I thought I'd share them with you in case they're helpful.

Good day. I am a heart exploration coach. Life is a beautiful journey, not for appreciation, but for growth and development.

I understand your conflict and dilemma. On the one hand, you appreciate your parents and value the harmonious and happy life you have now. On the other hand, when you encounter difficulties, you tend to take it out on your mother, feeling resentful that she did not treat you more gently during your childhood. What really happened? Let's take a closer look:

1. "I disapprove of your actions, but I have adopted a similar approach."

Many movies and TV dramas follow a similar plot: the protagonist hates the antagonist, but ultimately becomes like them.

At the age of 23, although you still feel aggrieved, angry, and even resentful, you also have a better understanding of your mother. This is thanks to the life experience you have gained through reading, studying, and other experiences, which has broadened your horizons.

As you have stated, it was challenging for your parents to raise three children. As the eldest child, you initially benefited from the attention and love from your parents that was more (or earlier) than that of your younger siblings. However, you also experienced the pressure and negative emotions of your parents that they did not have to bear.

Regardless of the cause, whether postpartum depression or dissatisfaction with one's marriage and life, she is unsure of how to vent or release her emotions. This includes talking to family members, seeking help on the platform like you did, communicating and confiding in her husband, or seeking professional help from a counselor.

The current era offers a different set of resources and platforms than previous ones, and parents also have their limitations. Each generation bears the historical imprint of its time and can be considered the spokesperson for that era.

Your mother expressed her negative emotions towards you because this was the most effective method for her to deal with the situation. You have also adopted this pattern from your mother. When you encounter difficulties or setbacks, you are unsure of how to release your emotions, so you choose to vent on your mother, who is now in her twilight years and has previously displayed aggressive behaviour towards you.

2. Pursue personal growth and self-redemption.

Asking questions is an effective method for understanding past experiences. Organizing your thoughts is a form of cognitive processing, and it also involves a dialogue with your inner self. You have already identified this "aggressive" pattern in your mother and yourself. This is an opportunity to express negative emotions (grievances, anger, and resentment).

It is important to recognize that venting and hurting others, as well as suppressing and controlling emotions, can ultimately lead to self-harm. Therefore, it is essential to identify strategies that promote positive emotional regulation and self-care.

It is important to allow and accept your emotions, including feelings of resentment or anger. It is acceptable to acknowledge these feelings, but it is crucial to be aware that angry behavior is not desirable, including actions such as abuse or attacking others.

There are two possible courses of action that can be taken to facilitate personal growth with the aid of these emotions.

(1) Cultivate strength and awareness through meditation.

(2) Expand your thinking: accept more different people and things. Learning from others can help you improve yourself. In the course of interacting with your mother, you can identify her patterns and those of her intimate partners, as well as her patterns in parent-child relationships. These can serve as a mirror to help you better manage your various relationships.

I hope these suggestions are helpful to you. Best regards, [Name]

Should you wish to continue the exchange, you are invited to follow my personal homepage, "Heart Exploration Service".

Hello, question asker.

You may be experiencing a conflict between your rational and emotional mindsets. It seems you've identified the root of your distress as "self-doubt and self-negation," which can also be described as "I'm not good enough."

In your childhood, you experienced a sense of rejection from your mother. Despite your outward appearance of being "the other people's child," you faced challenges in your relationship with her. You navigated periods of confidence, but also moments of uncertainty and low self-esteem.

As a child, you may have been accustomed to gauging your self-worth through the feedback of others. You may have received affirmation in your studies, but perhaps encountered a different response from your mother. This could have led to a sense of uncertainty about your own goodness. It's understandable that you might not have been able to fully discern this on your own.

Now that you are grown up, you have figured out the questions you had as a child. This has led you to the realisation that it wasn't you who was bad, but rather that your mother made you feel bad. However, you are now facing a new challenge: should you love your mother or hate her?

When you are happy, you feel good and associate that with your mother treating you well, and you feel love for her. When you are sad, you feel bad and associate that with your mother treating you badly, and you feel hatred for her. It could be said that your love and hatred for your mother changes with your sense of self-worth. Perhaps the fundamental conflict in your heart is: Am I good or am I bad?

Perhaps when you are older, you may gain some insight into the conflicting emotions you felt in college: it's not that I'm bad, it's just that I feel bad.

During university, as your mind gradually matures, you may find that your sense of self-worth can be obtained from multiple sources independent of your parents. You may even be able to save yourself through awareness, and you don't have to be trapped in the shadows of your childhood.

Once you have the firm belief that "I am fine," it may be helpful to recognize that your feelings for your mother, whether love or hate, will no longer cause you pain.

I wish you the best.

Hello, I am ZQ, a heart exploration coach from the Yixinli platform. I am here to address your concerns about the unfair treatment you suffered at the hands of your mother during your childhood. I can see that her words have left a deep mark on your mind.

Your mother's neglect and abuse of you, as well as her badmouthing you in front of others and using you as a punching bag, exposed you to too much negative information and prevented you from receiving much positive energy. This made your childhood very difficult. It also exacerbated your sense of unease and distrust of interpersonal relationships.

It is also common to feel inferior and lack self-worth. When you are depressed and unhappy, it is understandable to resent your mother. We tend to reflect on why we are unhappy and why we cannot get what we want. To some extent, the negative influence of the mother on oneself

We must acknowledge that childhood

It can have a profound and lasting impact on a person's character, and character often determines a person's destiny. If a person is completely overshadowed by those shadows from their childhood, they will have to seek an antidote for those shadows and heal themselves for the rest of their lives.

This kind of influence is just as damaging as physical violence. Your mother did not give you positive energy or positive encouraging words. She always seemed to belittle and mock you, which greatly undermined your confidence.

You could have achieved better results, but due to various pressures, there may have been some impact and limitations. Now you have entered university, and you will achieve great things. The words of your parents have also helped you more or less during your growth process.

This is a very real human scenario.

Let's be real: no parent is perfect. They might make mistakes in how they raise their kids, whether it's due to postpartum depression or simply a lack of knowledge.

It is also difficult for us to ask Asian parents to apologize to their children. This is almost impossible. Asian parents usually have a sense of authority, and even if they feel that they have done something wrong, they will not take the initiative to apologize to their children. What we can do is try to slowly reduce the negative impact of the family of origin on oneself.

Your family of origin has had a negative impact on you, but you can control this influence. When you are self-doubting, self-neglecting, and unhappy, you need to be clear that what happened in the past has already happened. You need to break through from the content of the experience.

Know what's good for you and what isn't. If someone's abusing you, get away from them.

If you feel unhappy, you need to identify the root cause. Is it that you haven't got what you want, or is someone stopping you?

These are all ways to find the source of the problem. When you doubt your own abilities, it may be a case of low self-esteem and conflict. Everyone may have some low self-esteem, but at this time, we must reduce the comparison with the outside world even more. We must compare ourselves with our past selves.

Make a longitudinal comparison with your past experiences. Be better than yesterday and get closer to your goal. Break through your own boundaries. Everyone has their own stubbornness. Break through some of your own stubbornness.

Become more rational and flexible. It's not someone else's problem. We need to identify and solve problems, not blame them. No one is responsible for your life. You are. Make the most of yours.

Don't immediately associate setbacks with your mother.

Your mother had her own limitations at the time and was unable to provide you with a better environment in which to grow up. Now, however, you can provide yourself with a better environment. When you face setbacks, you can help yourself and find more resources. Take control and have a more positive and calm approach. Talk about your feelings or seek psychological counseling. You will become more stable.

ZQ?

Dear Questioner, I empathize with your situation. It is not uncommon for individuals to experience a shift in emotions when confronted with challenges or setbacks, which can manifest as resentment towards their mother.

It is important to note that these feelings are not uncommon. Many individuals experience similar emotions at one point or another. There is no need to be overly concerned. This is not indicative of a mental disorder, but rather a normal emotional response.

Let's examine this together. You stated that whenever you experience negative emotions or setbacks, you always think of your childhood, when your mother shaped your personality, neglected you, and abused you. These memories have formed a strong emotional link in your subconscious mind, causing you to easily attribute these emotions to your mother when you are unhappy.

However, you have already recognized that the family is now functioning harmoniously, and your mother is also providing you with material assistance, which demonstrates that the relationship between you has significantly improved.

In this situation, I suggest you consider examining the relationship between your mother and you from multiple perspectives. First, recognize that the impact of childhood experiences on you does not necessitate that you remain bound by them indefinitely.

It would be beneficial to attempt to comprehend your mother's emotions and conduct from the vantage point of adulthood. It is possible that she was grappling with certain difficulties and challenges at the time, which may have hindered her ability to interact with you in a more constructive manner.

Secondly, it is important to distinguish between your current self and your past self in relation to your mother. It is likely that your mother has undergone significant changes, and it is also possible that she is attempting to make amends for past shortcomings.

It would be beneficial to communicate more deeply with your mother to gain insight into her thoughts and feelings. This could potentially reveal that she also experiences feelings of helplessness and challenges.

I also recommend learning some methods of emotional regulation. For instance, when you feel unhappy, try to relieve negative emotions through deep breathing, meditation, or exercise.

Furthermore, it would be beneficial to identify an activity that you find enjoyable and which helps you to feel happier and more relaxed.

In psychology, this emotional reaction to past experiences is referred to as an "emotional imprint." It can be likened to a brand that is deeply etched in our hearts.

However, with the passage of time and your personal growth, this stigma will gradually fade. You can gradually overcome this emotional distress through self-healing and personal development.

Should you require assistance in managing these emotions, we recommend seeking the guidance of a professional counselor. A counselor can assist you in gaining a deeper understanding of your inner world and in developing more effective coping strategies.

In conclusion, I would like to reiterate that everyone has the right to pursue happiness and joy. It is important not to let past experiences limit your present and future potential.

It is recommended that you embrace yourself, accept yourself, and believe that you can overcome this challenge and find your own happiness and joy.

I am confident that you will soon emerge from this challenging period and embrace a bright future. I encourage you to take the initiative and pursue your goals.

Your feelings and experiences are very real and complex. It is not uncommon for people to still be affected by their childhood, especially in relation to family relationships, as adults.

It is possible that this resentment towards your mother is a reaction to past hurt, and that it does not necessarily represent your true feelings.

It may be helpful to consider that the first step in dealing with these emotions could be to accept how you feel and try to understand their root causes. It might also be beneficial to understand how experiences from your childhood have influenced your emotions and behaviors, as this could help you better deal with your current emotions.

It would also be beneficial to have open and respectful conversations with your mother. While this may be challenging, expressing your feelings and needs is an important step in building a healthier relationship.

It is possible that a mother may not be aware of the impact of her actions on her child. Open communication can help her gain a deeper understanding of the child's feelings.

It might also be helpful to consider seeking counseling or psychotherapy. A professional psychotherapist can provide support and guidance to help you understand and deal with your emotions, as well as provide skills and tools to help you develop healthier coping mechanisms and self-awareness.

It is important to remember that you are not alone, that your feelings are normal, and that you deserve support and care. Try not to be too hard on yourself, take your time, and move step by step towards a healthier direction.

First of all, I totally get it. Childhood experiences have a huge impact on our development and character formation, especially in a complex family environment.

Absolutely! Your negative emotions towards your mother and memories of your childhood may affect your current emotional state and self-perception.

I would highly recommend that you seek professional psychological counseling or a psychiatric evaluation. They can help you understand your emotional state more accurately and provide targeted advice.

But please don't worry too much. The good news is that many people experience similar emotional distress in their lives. And the even better news is that it doesn't necessarily mean that they suffer from a serious mental disorder.

I've got some great suggestions for you to help you better deal with your current emotional problems!

It's time to accept and recognize your emotions! Don't deny or suppress your emotions—they are real feelings you have experienced. Try to understand and accept these emotions in a positive way and look for the reasons behind them.

It's time to establish healthy communication! If you like, try to have honest communication with your mother and express your feelings and concerns. This is not about changing her behavior, but about helping you release your inner pressure.

It's time to develop self-acceptance and self-confidence! Your achievements and good performance prove your abilities and value. Don't let past rejections define your present self.

Focus on your strengths and achievements to boost your self-confidence!

It's time to learn some amazing emotional management techniques! You can calm your emotions and reduce the impact of negative emotions through deep breathing, meditation, and journaling.

Seek social support! Sharing your feelings with family, friends, or people who support you is a great way to help you cope better with difficulties.

Continuous self-growth: It's amazing what you can achieve when you learn and grow! You can gradually get rid of the shadow of the past and establish a healthier and more positive self-perception.

And remember, you have the right to choose your own way of life and pursue your own happiness! You can do it! You can gradually get over the past and find your own happiness and satisfaction.

I really appreciate you sharing your story. It's clear that your childhood experiences have had a significant impact on your emotions and behaviors. When you're facing challenges and negative emotions, past memories can often come up, which can lead to feelings of anger and resentment towards your mother.

As an adult, you have the capacity to manage these emotions and gradually move on from the past.

First, it's important to know that these feelings aren't a sign of mental illness. They're a result of psychological trauma. It's normal to feel confused, helpless, and angry when faced with past hurts and rejections.

However, staying in that state for too long can have a negative effect on your mental health.

If you're looking for ways to deal with these emotions, you might want to check out the following suggestions:

Seek professional psychological counseling. Talking to an experienced counselor or psychotherapist can help you gain a deeper understanding of and deal with past trauma. They can provide professional guidance and support to help you gradually move on.

It's important to develop a positive self-image. Focus on your strengths and achievements, and recognize your own value. Affirm yourself from different perspectives.

At the same time, you should learn to accept past experiences and use them as part of your growth.

It's also important to build healthy relationships. Make sure you communicate well with your family, friends, or partners, and share your feelings and concerns with them. Having their support and understanding can really help you cope with negative emotions.

You might also want to think about joining social or interest groups to expand your social circle and make more like-minded friends.

Learn how to manage and regulate your emotions effectively, including ways to relieve negative emotions like deep breathing, meditation, and exercise. Additionally, develop some positive habits like maintaining a regular routine and eating a healthy diet to improve your overall sense of well-being.

Finally, remember that dealing with past trauma takes time and patience. Be kind to yourself and give yourself the space you need to grow and change.

With time, you'll gradually start to emerge from the shadows and rediscover your own happiness and joy.

Hello, host.

I am a middle-aged man who is here to help you and I want to hear your feedback.

From reading the question description, it's clear to me that the poster is feeling anxious and helpless. I want to reassure the poster that they're not alone in feeling this way.

Before answering the original poster's question, we must first define two key concepts: fact judgment and value judgment. A fact judgment is straightforward. If, for instance, you were to ask how tall I am, I would measure it and provide an answer.

But there is no standard answer when it comes to value judgments. For example, if I say you are too tall.

This is a value judgment. The standard for height is different for everyone.

I mentioned these two concepts first because I want the poster to understand that our answers are based on our understanding, experiences, and values. The perspective and direction of the answers, as well as the train of thought, are for the poster to consider. The poster should not regard our answers as standard answers.

The problem the original poster mentions is, in fact, a common one: the influence of our original family on us. It is undeniable that our original family has a significant impact on us, particularly when we are young and not yet equipped to handle challenges independently. At times, we are compelled to accept the decisions made for us by our original family.

This question from the original poster is very interesting because the theory of the original family has recently become very popular. There are two key words in the original poster's question that we must analyze: negative emotions or frustration, which can be expressed as moments of life that do not go well; and resentment towards one's mother, which can be considered as the pain brought about by the original family.

Let's start with the first word. We may all have different interpretations of this concept of adversity. Some see it as a permanent feature of life, while others believe that difficulties are only temporary.

From a dynamic perspective, the original family is not a problem. A short-term problem does not need to find a distant reason. We have studied this, and there is a book called "Adversity Quotient."

Adversity Quotient (AQ) is the full name for the ability to face setbacks, get out of difficult situations, and overcome difficulties when faced with adversity. AQ is the ability to react in a way that allows you to live a full and meaningful life despite the challenges you face. AQ is made up of four elements:

Sense of control: This is an individual's ability to control their beliefs in the face of adversity. People with a strong sense of control believe that they can change the situation through their own efforts. People with a weak sense of control may feel powerless.

This sense of control directly affects an individual's attitude and actions in the face of adversity, which in turn directly affects their ability to overcome difficulties.

Causes and responsibility: This refers to the causes of adversity and the individual's perception of responsibility. High GQ individuals can and will objectively analyze the causes of adversity, distinguish between internal and external factors, and take responsibility for themselves.

They are certain that they can effectively cope with adversity by actively seeking solutions.

Scope of influence: High GQ individuals limit the negative impact of adversity on other aspects of life. They prevent difficult emotions or problems from spreading to other areas of life. They maintain a positive attitude. They view adversity as an opportunity for growth. They do not let negative emotions affect their entire life.

Duration: High resilience people can shorten the negative impact of adversity. They recover quickly and adjust their mentality to find solutions in a short period of time, getting out of trouble fast.

When this so-called period of life goes on longer than expected and you feel like you can't control it, that it has a big impact, and that it lasts a long time, you have to find a reason to keep going. That's when the original family theory can come into play.

I am unhappy, my life is not going as I wish, and my career is unsuccessful. I am certain that my original family is to blame because I did not receive enough love as a child.

I am not opposed to this theory of the original family. It exists because it is reasonable. Whether it is current psychology or biological research, this theory of genetics and parenting has a significant impact on personal growth.

Believing in the theory of the original family is a cop-out. It's an excuse to avoid taking responsibility. We all need a break sometimes, but in the long run, we have to learn to take responsibility for ourselves.

Your family undoubtedly shaped the first half of your life. You were young and had no way to support yourself. But when we become adults,

I choose to live my life guided by Adler's individual psychology theory.

Adler was clear: each of us is an actor, and behind every action there is a purpose. This is his theory of purpose. It emphasizes the following points:

Purpose and meaning formation: Adler was certain that everyone has a unique purpose and meaning in life. This purpose and meaning are not innate; they are shaped by an individual's life experiences and environment. Factors such as an individual's personality, character, values, and beliefs play a significant role.

In Adler's theory of purpose, an individual's behavior and thoughts are not determined by genetic or environmental factors alone. They are the result of the interaction of these factors with the individual's internal goals and desires. This highlights the subjective ability of human beings to be proactive and self-determined.

Adler was clear that psychological trauma is often seen as a factor determining behavior. However, in his teleology, he saw it as more of an excuse and asserted that the real determining factor is the individual's current purpose.

The unity of teleology and determinism is clear. There is a distinct difference between teleology and Freud's determinism. While determinism emphasizes the influence of the past on the present and the future, teleology focuses on how the purpose of the present determines current behavior.

Nevertheless, there is a clear unity between the two. Teleology provides further insight into individual psychology by building on determinism.

Adler's teleology is of great practical significance for both individuals and society. It helps individuals better understand their inner world, find purpose and meaning in life, and strive for it.

For society, it helps us better understand and support the growth and development of individuals, and promote social harmony and stability.

Of course, just as people have different religions, psychology theories can give us guidance, but they are not absolute truths. Everyone should find a life theory and guiding principle that suits them.

I am confident that this will be helpful. Every contribution is eager to be seen and to receive feedback from the host and those who are interested. Follow and like (useful).

Hello! I see your question and I understand your confusion. I'll answer your question from the following points:

1. From what you've said, it seems like you still act like a child around your parents. Even though you're an adult, you sometimes act like you're still a kid who needs their love. We know that our parents love us, but we still act like we're young children who need their love. We complain about our parents, but we feel like we have to be respectful. Our parents gave us life and raised us, so we feel like we should love them. But we also feel angry and resentful. So, you fight against these feelings, repressing them and feeling guilty.

2. When we were kids, we didn't know how to set boundaries with our parents. Kids are naturally inclined to satisfy their basic needs, and many of them rely on their parents for love and support. Parents give, and that's just the way it is. But as we grow up and become capable of satisfying our own needs as independent individuals, we develop an independent consciousness and the need to establish boundaries with our parents. If we're still angry with our parents and demanding love from them, it's because our actual biological age hasn't caught up with our needs and unmet love. We need to learn to express ourselves and slowly grow up from our childish state. First, don't judge your emotions. You can try expressing this resentment and anger towards your parents in a private setting where no one is around. When facing your parents, you can also act like a child. In the eyes of your parents, you'll always be a child, and you don't need to judge yourself. At the same time, you can tell yourself that having emotions and getting angry with your parents is also a way of showing your love for them. But it would make you more comfortable if you could love your parents in another way.

Hello, I'm Qu Huidong, a counselor who can help you understand your feelings.

It's hard to forgive your mother when you've been hurt by her. But forgiveness isn't always necessary.

When we feel down, we may resent our mothers because we were treated poorly. When we don't allow ourselves to resent our parents, it's even more painful because we're strengthening our feelings.

Allowing yourself to resent your mother can help you see your true feelings. Don't resist your feelings if you want to feel better.

When we feel down, it's often because we lack self-control. We don't need to fight our inner feelings. The child who was neglected and belittled needs kindness. Seeing that we resent our mother, and allowing ourselves to resent our mother, accepting this resentful self.

Seeing is regaining power. Allowing is acknowledging emotions. Accepting is embracing the true self.

Mothers gave us life and influenced us for many years, but we can also heal ourselves.

Best wishes!