14, female, depression and anxiety, aversion to studying, social anxiety, feeling excluded?

Dear child,

From what you've shared, it seems that you may be experiencing some challenges at school, including feelings of exclusion from your classmates and symptoms of depression and anxiety.

I sense that you may have invested a great deal of energy and time in the past in trying to overcome these negative feelings. It seems that those efforts may not have yielded the desired results, or may have provided temporary relief, but have not yet led to a sense of enjoyment in learning or a greater sense of fulfillment in life.

While the text does not mention what kind of help you hope to get from this Q&A, it seems that seeking answers reflects your strong internal motivation to improve the current situation and is a commendable action.

Perhaps we could try the following perspective and see if it might be helpful for you.

1. It may be helpful to consider articulating your desires and needs and placing them in a prominent position within your consciousness. Exploring your thoughts can assist in identifying these desires and needs. When we prioritize these aspects of ourselves, we may find that our inner strength is better able to focus on them.

Secondly, it is important to recognise that everyone has limited energy. When we are clear about what we want and devote ourselves to it, we naturally have less energy to focus on negative factors. It is also important to acknowledge that depression and anxiety are real and can affect anyone.

Depression and anxiety are not inherently problematic, but the way we approach them can have a significant impact on our lives.

Third, it may be helpful to distinguish between "I" and "my thoughts/feelings." For example, "I am afraid of socializing" and "I notice that I get scared when strangers look at me."

It's important to remember that fear is a feeling that everyone has. While fear itself is not a problem, it's worth questioning whether labelling it as "social phobia" is helpful.

It may be helpful to consider that labelling can sometimes intensify fear rather than relieve it.

4. It might be helpful to explore what exactly it is that you fear. When a stranger looks at that "you," what makes that "you" feel afraid?

Could you please describe what fear looks like to you? What are its shape, size, color, location, and relationship to you?

It is often the case that when we gain a clearer understanding of what fear looks like, we find it easier to manage our feelings of fear.

5. Perhaps you could use the same method to ask that "you" what makes you feel depressed or anxious? What do they look like?

Could you please describe the relationship between you and the "depressed/anxious state"? Through such exercises, could we perhaps distinguish between "depressed/anxious state" and "I am depressed/anxious"?

We hope the above perspectives have been helpful and thought-provoking for you. We encourage you to try them out and see what a difference they can make. We also look forward to hearing your feedback as we continue to explore together.

We hope that you may soon be free from your distress and that you will be able to live a rich, fulfilling, and meaningful life.

If this state and pattern repeats every day, it's only natural that people will feel worse and worse.

Luckily, your description also includes some helpful clues and context that can help you figure out where the problem started.

It seems like you're going through a lot right now. It looks like you're dealing with school refusal and social anxiety, as well as being kind and trying to please others, but also feeling afraid and angry. It's also clear that you're struggling with insomnia, lack of concentration, irritability, fatigue, and being easily moved to tears, among other emotional states.

However, it's important to remember that the emotional and behavioral problems of each individual have a gradual accumulation process.

It's totally normal for these problems to develop gradually. It's only when we're not paying attention that we don't notice the root problem, and then things start to spiral. It's like a snowball effect, where one thing leads to another and before you know it, you're in a bit of a tizz!

I'm here to help you sort out the development of these confusing emotions and help you understand where the root of the problem lies.

I know it can be tricky to put your thoughts into words sometimes, so if it's easier for you, you can always draw a simple diagram based on what I've said here. It'll help you to see things more clearly.

From your text description, it looks like there are two main lines, but if you look further into the root cause, it might be the same factor.

And now, let's take a closer look at these two main threads in your text.

Let's start with the first clue. It all began with a dislike of school, which then turned into a stress line about learning and going to school.

You mentioned that you started to dislike school when you were young, and now you hardly do any homework. This should be a habit problem, which we can work on together!

It's totally understandable to dislike school. We all have those days where we just don't feel like doing any homework! But if you don't do your homework, you might fall behind in your studies. And if you fall behind, you might not understand what's going on in class. And if you don't understand, you might get distracted. Before you know it, you'll find it harder and harder to concentrate. And if this happens in most of your classes, you might lose interest in learning. But don't worry! You can work through this.

(Behavioral manifestation) Not doing much homework—(triggering another consequence)—not enough practice, which makes it hard to do the questions—the harder it is to do them, the less patience—the more the content is pulled apart, the less perseverance and method to keep up—especially becoming more and more impatient with homework and doing problems—without patience and when not doing well, it becomes more likely to be irritable—although you are very irritable, you are afraid of being scolded by the teacher—therefore, from being afraid of the teacher to fearing the teacher—in fact, this will further aggravate the emotion of loathing learning

But every day you have to go to school and repeat this state and pattern, so your heart will also develop anxiety and fear of learning and school. It's totally normal to feel anxious sometimes, but if it goes on for too long, it can lead to other problems. For example, it can make it hard to fall asleep at night, which means you have to go to school the next day feeling tired and groggy.

This can lead to two big problems: on the one hand, you might find you have less energy to concentrate, and on the other hand, insomnia can make you feel irritable and anxious. Neither of these is ideal when you're trying to learn and study! You might also feel a bit powerless and out of control, which can make you feel even less confident, and you might find yourself crying easily or struggling to control your emotions.

So it's almost like a negative cycle, right? And if you can't escape it and can't change it, this bad state will be like a whirlpool, constantly drawing your energy and emotions in.

Let's take a look at the second clue: the influence of the original family.

You mentioned that your family of origin had a big impact on you. Even though you didn't go into detail about what that looked like, I'm sure you've got a good idea about how it shaped you.

The influence of the original family can bring about an internal inferiority complex, which can develop into a self-denying part of you. This can manifest as feelings of not being as good as others, not being good enough, having no value, being disliked, or not being cared about. You can feel which kind of thoughts and voices often appear in your heart.

Your family of origin may have given you a bit of a rough start in life, which could have led to some low self-esteem and self-denial. This can make it hard to feel good about yourself and can even cause anxiety, especially when it comes to getting along with people.

I can see that you're worried about being seen as inadequate or not good enough by your family.

On the one hand, they really want to be noticed, recognized, needed, and cared about.

It's totally understandable that your inner anxiety and uncertainty about interpersonal relationships led to the slow sprouting of social phobia.

Original family – inferiority complex – self-negation – anxiety – some social phobia

Because you have a deep desire and need in your heart, but it can't be fulfilled in a typical way, you develop an altruistic and kind way of relating to others.

You mentioned that you can only feel a strong sense of being loved when you are needed, and I totally get that.

This shows that you really want to feel loved. It makes sense that you've developed these patterns of altruism and ingratiation because they give you a similar feeling of being needed: I am valuable to others, I am useful, I am needed.

But here's the thing: the relationships brought about by altruism and ingratiation aren't really loved.

So when you satisfy someone's needs, this feeling will disappear, and you will return to the original state of being ignored and neglected. But don't worry! You can easily avoid this by continuing to use altruistic and pleasing ways to find some sense of being needed.

This kind of interaction might make the other person think you're kind, submissive, and maybe even a little bit weak. They might give you nicknames or make jokes. I'm not sure if they mean it in a bad way or if this is normal for students your age. Either way, it's important to remember that your feelings of inferiority and anxiety can make you sensitive to these things.

So, you feel this inside, and it makes you feel bad. You're also afraid of affecting your social life, of being truly isolated and bullied, and having to pretend not to care, to show an easy-going side, to maintain the impression that others can drop in for a chat, that the relationship is not too bad. But in reality, you have no real friends, which makes you feel even more isolated and helpless.

This kind act, which seems so good-natured, is actually a mixture of frustration, depression, and anger. Over time, you may find that you become more afraid of socializing. You may also feel more and more disgusted with yourself, disgusted with your inability to change, disgusted with the fact that you don't want to be like this but have to, and the feelings of weakness and inferiority within you will resurface.

Original family – low self-esteem – self-negation – anxiety – social phobia – pleasing and altruism – grievance, depression, self-loathing and hatred of others – anger, fear – fear of socializing

If you have a low self-esteem, you might feel self-doubt and anxiety. You might even have a fear of socializing, which can make you feel afraid inside when you meet a stranger. It's natural to be afraid of being hurt, but it's also important to remember that others won't necessarily see your vulnerability as a reason to bully you.

This is the pressure line of interpersonal relationships brought about by the original family.

Every day, you have to go to school, where you have to face teachers who may give you a hard time about your studies or classmates who may bully you. Prolonged exposure to such anxiety and stress can lead to sleep problems.

And don't forget that insomnia can also cause a whole series of other problems!

If you can convert the two development paths in the above text into a logic diagram, you'll see that the seemingly chaotic and complex intertwining of various emotional states is actually rooted in two questions: one is how your initial aversion to school was born, and the other is how your original family has influenced you and made you feel so unloved.

If we can identify the root cause of our problems and work to solve them, we can start to feel less distressed by them.

You can start to make a change, little by little. Take the first step by trying to solve the problem. This will help you to start rebuilding a positive cycle in your life.

I've got some great news for you! When we're willing to invest time and effort into learning and practising, rather than for any other reason, we'll see fantastic results.

It's so important to give yourself some time, not to compare yourself with others, and not to worry about what others will say or think about your studies now. Just focus on your own commitment, and you'll be absolutely fine!

If you can do this, you'll be amazed at how negative emotions will have less and less of an impact on you. You'll also feel more and more in control of your learning, which is so important!

Then, you'll find that this pressure line of school-related stress will change and turn into a better, more positive cycle.

It's totally normal to want to be loved. In fact, it's a wonderful thing! But sometimes, our desire to be loved can make us act in ways that are less than genuine. We might try to be nice to others just to get a pat on the back, or to fit in. But this doesn't help anyone! So, let's try to be kind to ourselves and each other. Let's focus on being genuine and true to ourselves. After all, that's what will help us build real, meaningful relationships.

It's time to correct your own perceptions and thoughts. Let's be honest with ourselves. Being altruistic and pleasing others won't bring us true friendship or the feeling of being truly loved.

Learning to respect, love, please, and benefit yourself might be a little more challenging for you at 14 than changing your learning style.

Even if you understand what you need to do, it can still be really hard when you don't have anyone to help you. It's totally normal to feel frustrated and confused when you're facing challenges.

You can start with self-study and the things you can do. And don't forget to give yourself time and allow yourself a process!

First of all, treat yourself with kindness and stop being so hard on yourself.

It's totally normal to have voices in your head that say things like "I can't," "I'm useless," and so on. When you catch yourself having one of these thoughts, just remind yourself that you can try, that you might be able to do it too, and that you can improve yourself through learning and practice.

Treating yourself right starts with getting a good night's sleep.

I'm going to let my homework go for today. I'll sleep well and have more energy to listen to the lectures tomorrow and finish the homework then. My teacher and parents gave me some constructive criticism today, and even though I'm feeling a bit down, I remind myself that I'm already making positive changes, even if they can't see it yet. I'm going to give myself some time to adjust, so I'll just sleep peacefully for now.

I sleep like this now, not as a way of indulging or giving up on myself, but as a strategic strategy for self-improvement.

To please yourself is to shift the focus from pleasing others and discovering what others need to focusing on yourself, discovering what you need inside, and then satisfying your own needs. It's a great way to take care of yourself!

This kind of self-flattery and self-interest, which is different from selfishness and self-centeredness, is a wonderful way to make our inner selves stronger!

It's so important to be able to see yourself clearly. That way, you can tell whether someone is being genuinely kind to you or just needs you to do something temporarily.

Only someone who can see themselves clearly can truly be at peace with whether others praise or criticize them. They know in their heart what they want and what kind of person they are, and that's all that matters!

Hello! I'm a 14-year-old girl who has been struggling with depression and anxiety, as well as a dislike of school and social phobia. I've also experienced feelings of exclusion.

I know it can be tough to see yourself clearly sometimes. That's why I'm here to help! Think of the above text as an eraser. Erase these suffixes in the title, leaving only

You're 14, female, and you're amazing!

Tell yourself, "My future is in my own hands, with infinite possibilities."

Hello, I'm Bo Sir.

Hello, student!

Auntie also gives you a warm hug from afar first! Auntie feels your difficulty, and she's here for you!

And guess what? Auntie feels your strength too!

From your description, I can feel that the changes in your family of origin have had a great impact on you and caused you a lot of suffering. But you've grown and changed so much! You're precocious, self-deprecating, inferior, and anxious.

I know that most children will feel as bad and sad as you do when they encounter family changes! And that's okay!

It's incredible how quickly we can go from feeling secure and loved to feeling abandoned and insecure! It's as if we're water lilies without roots! But it's also a reminder that we need to be cared for, loved, and reassured at this time!

However, at that moment, it seems that no one is paying attention to our needs and no one can satisfy us, which also makes us doubt our own value! But when others need us, we suddenly feel seen and noticed, and we are valuable at this time. So, as you said, slowly you have developed a character that pleases others!

It's not your fault! It's a kind of wisdom and method of self-protection!

After all, it is so much better to be a person who is needed than to be a transparent person who is ignored! This is what psychology calls negative appeasement is better than no appeasement!

You are so full of energy and wisdom! You have grown up and are no longer the little girl who was once at a loss and helpless. You can now take good care of your own feelings and needs. When others do not have the ability or time to take care of us, we can calm down and take good care of ourselves first. We have survived this difficult time, and we did it!

And the fact that you came to the platform for help shows that you have everything you need to solve your problems!

Absolutely! It would be incredible if you could express your needs or difficult feelings sincerely to your father, relatives, and friends and get their support!

If you are feeling particularly unwell physically or mentally, it is best to go to a regular hospital for a proper check-up. Go for it! Don't be stubborn!

Absolutely! You are not alone. We are all here to support you. We see you and we are willing to help you!

? You are not alone! The world and I love you!

We absolutely believe you will get better soon!

Good day, I am writing in response to your query.

Despite her outwardly bright and sunny disposition, this second-year middle school student is actually quite self-conscious, anxious, and reluctant to attend school. She also avoids social interactions. I believe there are many positive qualities in this individual that have not yet been recognized.

From your description, I can see that you are enthusiastic and helpful, satisfying the needs of others. You have a good temperament and can strike up a conversation with anyone. You are slightly overweight, in good health, a little sentimental (artistic type), and a lovely young lady.

It is challenging to identify these positive attributes when we believe that if we are not proficient in one area, it negatively impacts our overall capabilities.

Thinking in generalizations prevents us from recognizing our own capabilities. It is important to note that this is a natural developmental stage for children. As we mature, we tend to evaluate ourselves more holistically.

I anticipate that in a few years, you will reflect on your past self and question your previous beliefs about your abilities.

One might inquire as to why there is such a high level of importance placed on academic performance. It could be postulated that this is due to the expectations set by parents, which have not been met.

It is possible that the cause is the siblings in the family having good grades and being loved by their parents, which causes anxiety about losing their parents' love. Low self-esteem may be due to a lack of encouragement and recognition from parents when they were young, or it may be due to past experiences of failure.

Irrespective of the underlying cause, it is crucial to recognize that these traits, including altruism, a pleasing personality, feelings of inferiority, and anxiety, can all have a positive aspect.

Appropriate altruism and ingratiation demonstrate that we are benevolent individuals who are willing to assist others, demonstrate empathy, and consider the feelings of others. Similarly, appropriate inferiority and anxiety can instill a sense of urgency, prompting us to identify solutions for improvement.

It is analogous to a situation in which an individual is aware of their need for sustenance and actively seeks out a source of nourishment.

In order to find food, one must take concrete actions. If we recognize the importance of "action," we can overcome the so-called "social phobia" (which, in my opinion, is not social phobia at all, but rather a normal manifestation of the reserve and shyness that is typical of teenage girls at this age). Similarly, we can overcome the difficulties that are inherent to the learning process. How can we say that we are "school-averse" without trying hard?

I wrote this to inform the original poster that the most effective method for self-evaluation is to remove any negative labels and replace them with positive affirmations. This should be followed by a review of one's attitude and approach to learning, with a view to addressing any shortcomings. For instance, if there is a lack of concentration in class, it would be beneficial to take more notes by hand.

If you previously neglected your homework, you now complete it on your own initiative. If you persevere, you will see tangible progress in your performance. Concurrently, your self-confidence and patience will gradually increase.

"The best time to plant a tree was ten years ago, the next best time is now." Take concrete actions to effect change in yourself, and believe that you can do it.

I hope this information is useful to you. I wish you success in your studies, good health, and happiness.

Hello, question asker. I can sense a range of emotions from your description, including anxiety, worry, inferiority, grievance, and anger.

It seems that your family of origin has had a significant impact on your sense of security, self-esteem, and perception of worthiness. You appear to be concerned about being abandoned or hurt because you feel that you are not good enough.

As a result, you experience social anxiety to the extent that you are afraid of even being looked at by a stranger. Additionally, you are apprehensive about your teachers because you are not as proficient as you would like to be in your studies.

It seems that you have chosen to work hard and make others need you so that you will feel safe. You believe that this way you will not be abandoned, including by your parents and friends.

Although you dislike it when your classmates make fun of your nickname, it seems that because you have a good temper, you choose to tolerate it. In fact, you are just afraid of being left out and excluded from the group.

You have striven to meet the expectations of others, often at the expense of your own well-being. It's understandable that you feel a lack of protection and love, which can lead to feelings of vulnerability and distress.

My dear child, you have endured so much. You have been wronged. I am here to comfort you.

I want to reassure you that everything is not your fault.

From your description, it seems that you may be placing a lot of blame on yourself and experiencing feelings of guilt. It's possible that you believe you aren't doing well in school because you had a tendency to dislike studying when you were young, and that you lack perseverance or patience. It's also possible that you think other people don't like you because you don't do well enough.

I want to reassure you that none of this was your fault as a child. You were always good and you tried your best.

In addition to your own reasons, external factors such as the influence of your original family may also play a role. It's possible that the impact of your family of origin has made it challenging for you to express and release a range of emotions.

I'm concerned that all of this may become a significant source of pressure and burden for you, which might prevent you from learning and growing despite your desire to do so.

And you are a very kind child. It can be challenging for you to accuse others, so you may find yourself pointing the finger at yourself and attacking yourself.

I would gently encourage you to consider letting go of your expectations of others.

I understand that you have high expectations for your family of origin and for other people. You try to show them that you are worthy of love by giving to your family and friends.

You have a strong desire for others to love you as much as you love them. However, you have come to recognize that your efforts are not always met with the same level of appreciation. This has led you to consider making a change in this aspect of your life.

I believe you would benefit from receiving a great deal of love.

If there is no way to get it from other people, perhaps it would be helpful to try letting go of your expectations of other people, shifting your focus back to yourself, and learning to love yourself.

I believe that if you don't like yourself, it may be challenging for others to like you.

If you are unable to find love from others, it might be helpful to start learning to love yourself.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider the possibility that you are unloved. It may also be beneficial to understand that this is not your fault, to try not to please others, and to stop being so hard on yourself.

Perhaps it would be helpful to remind yourself that none of this is your fault.

Secondly, it is not necessary to force yourself to do something you are unable to do. As long as you have done your best, there is no need to force yourself further.

Perhaps it would be helpful to try not to second-guess other people's thoughts so much. It might be beneficial to focus on understanding your own inner needs and feelings, and to try to satisfy yourself.

If you feel it would be beneficial to your happiness and relaxation, you might like to consider doing something you enjoy in a quiet moment.

When your heart is truly seen and satisfied, it may become a little more abundant because of your love, and you may find yourself becoming stronger and more powerful.

At the same time, it may also attract more kindness and love.

My dear child, I gently encourage you to believe that you don't need to please anyone. You are already very good.

I wish you the best!

Depression is caused by unhappiness.

Anxiety is caused by having high expectations of yourself.

Insomnia, crying easily, and irritability are caused by too many uncomfortable emotions building up in the body.

They want to be needed and feel loved, not because they are a "pleaser," but because they have a "giver" temperament.

Those who dedicate themselves to others are warm and delicate. They give a lot, are sensible from an early age, pay the most attention to relationships with others, and most desire to be valued accordingly.

If all that effort is not seen or recognized, it will build up a lot of emotions and make you unhappy. You will focus all your energy on the question of "Who loves me? Who cares about me?"

You are your own best critic. If no one else sees your hard work, at least you will. This person is you. ?

You need to learn to see yourself, appreciate yourself, and value yourself. You can choose a teacher to establish a safe and long-term companion relationship to help you grow, become more powerful, and more confident.

You must learn to manage your emotions. Release them in ways you like, such as talking/writing/drawing, shouting/singing/karaoke, sports/competitive activities, etc.

Use these methods to calm down and improve your emotions and sleep. You will be better suited for work involving people when you become an adult. Your inner temperament and qualities will make you an excellent counselor!

Hello there!

From what you've said, it seems like you're struggling with school phobia, feeling excluded by your classmates, and dealing with depression and anxiety.

I get the sense that you've invested a lot of energy and time in the past trying to get rid of these negative feelings. It seems like these efforts haven't produced the desired results, or have temporarily made you feel better but haven't made learning more enjoyable or life more fulfilling in the long run.

While the text doesn't say what kind of help you're looking for, asking questions shows you're serious about making things better. It's a great step to take.

Let's try this way of looking at things and see if it helps.

1. Be clear about what you want and focus on it. Think about what you want and say it. This will help you understand your inner desires and needs. When you focus on what you want, you can use your inner strength to achieve it.

Second, people have limited energy. When we're clear about what we want and focus on it, we naturally have less energy to focus on negative factors. Like it or not, everyone has different degrees of depression and anxiety. They're real and are part of life.

Depression and anxiety aren't the problem, but how we deal with them is.

Third, it's important to distinguish between "I" and "my thoughts/feelings." For example, "I am afraid of socializing" and "I notice that I get scared when strangers look at me."

Fear is something we all experience. It's not the feeling itself that's the problem, but labelling it as "social phobia" is.

Calling it something only makes it worse, not better.

4. Take a moment to think about what exactly it is that you fear. When a stranger looks at that "you," what makes that "you" feel afraid?

If you give fear a name, what is it? What are its dimensions, color, location, and relationship to you?

As a rule, when we get a better idea of what fear looks like, we tend to feel less afraid.

5. Use the same method to ask that "you" what makes you feel depressed or anxious. What do they look like?

What's the relationship like with you? Through such exercises, you can distinguish between "depressed/anxious state" and "I am depressed/anxious."

We hope these perspectives have been useful and inspiring for you. We encourage you to practice them and see what a difference they can make. We also look forward to your feedback as we continue to explore together.

We hope you'll be free of your distress soon and able to live a rich, fulfilling, and meaningful life.

Dear classmate, I want to hug you. I'm here to help and support you.

You are currently in the second year of junior high school, and you are encountering difficulties in your studies and obstacles in your interactions with your classmates. You are brave enough to ask for help, and you will overcome these challenges.

You should care about your needs and your feelings.

You are a kind child at heart, hoping to get a response and love from others in an altruistic way. Everyone has their own ideas, and the fact that the other person doesn't respond is also a reflection of their character. You must ask yourself if you have ever truly loved yourself.

You need to start paying attention to your needs and feelings. You've been suppressing your emotions for too long. You're still a child.

If your parents cannot support you, find a counselor you trust and talk about your worries over the years. You will feel better.

For so many years, you have been kind to others and have suffered yourself.

My dear child, you have spent too many years self-sacrificing, leaving your kindness to others and forgetting yourself. It's time to find yourself again and be true to yourself.

The article doesn't mention your mother. She probably didn't receive love either, so she doesn't understand you and won't love you. She can't give you what she doesn't have.

You've been through so much. What are you worried about when a stranger looks at you? I don't know what happened to you in the past, but you need to get over this fear of not being liked. You're not like RMB. Everyone likes you. I can feel your loneliness, and I'm here to help.

You want to feel loved, don't you?

You forge ahead despite all the distractions.

You can still go to school with a clear mind and keep going. Do your best to do what you should do.

You rise to challenges that most people cannot do. You overcome distractions and face your fears head-on.

You taught me how to overcome difficulties and seek help on a professional platform. You are wise.

Your health, happiness, and well-being are the most important things in the world.

Love yourself, your inner goodness, and your indomitable spirit. See it.

These feelings are overwhelming. If you need to cry, do it. If you need to say something, say it. Your health, happiness, and well-being are the most important things in your life.

Your business

And mine.

Common things

Keep your boundaries and return to your place. You are unique because you came into this world.

You are unique with your own characteristics, and you deserve all the good things in life. Take a good look at what you have and what you have received.

The world and I love you, and I know you know it too.

You don't have many problems. Depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and social phobia are all caused by low self-esteem.

Your low self-esteem makes you depressed, which makes you anxious and fearful. You're always looking for security, and now you're looking for it in how others treat you.

You lack security and confidence.

First, if something goes wrong, look inside. Don't blame your family. Look at the people around you. Even people from loving families can have low self-esteem.

People who lack love in their family of origin can also be confident.

You lack a sense of worth, so you want to feel valued by being needed.

Altruism and pleasing others is about maintaining an image and feeling worthy by being needed. You don't need to get a sense of worthiness from others. When you have a sense of worthiness within, you will give others a sense of worthiness and not worry about whether you are accepted. Worthiness is feeling good inside. This is not about parents loving you.

You need to be good at yourself. You are the worst student, and your parents may love you, but tell him he is good and valuable. Do you want this confidence?

You need to be strong.

Third: A sense of worth comes from accomplishment, strength, and learning.

If you're tired of school, it's hard to gain confidence. You still need to solve the problem of school fatigue.

If you do well in school, you'll feel good about yourself. Nobody can take that away from you.

You will experience what it's like to be a strong person. You will stop trying to please those people in your class, and you will feel that they are better off staying away.

Fourth: Remember what I said.

If things don't go well, look within. Change to become stronger.

There's nothing to interact with in your class of ugly male classmates. This is not pride. It's telling you that as long as you become stronger, you won't be so socially anxious.

Be nice. Be kind.

It's true that being nice makes it easier to blend in with the group. But, on the other hand, being too nice for too long can make you feel very depressed and like you may never settle down anywhere. I know this can be really worrying for you. And, on top of that, you're also dealing with some internal feelings of depression and anxiety.

It's totally understandable that you're worried about socializing and your future direction, especially given the pain you've already experienced in your interpersonal relationships. It's really heartbreaking to see you going through this. I don't know much about your family's financial situation or experiences, and it's possible that your inferiority complex stems from these factors.

Your personality also hides things you've experienced in the past. These things may have come up for you many times. You have a strong need to be satisfied and feel loved. It's as if you feel very unloved and uneasy, and you just want to be recognized by others.

If you don't have any close friends, it might be helpful to think about the patterns you notice in your life and whether you can be more honest with yourself about finding your own circle of friends. You can find the friends who are most suitable for you more clearly through your hobbies and values.

It's totally normal to still have some school avoidance feelings, and your tendency to think without patience might play a role in your future. It's also okay to have your own internal fears and emotions, and to feel tired. In short, you might feel like you're wasting energy in many ways, and that's okay too.

Life rarely deals us devastating blows, but usually it is the slow accumulation of straws that stops us in our tracks. If you already have depression, anxiety, or school refusal, it is best to talk to the school's psychological teacher. If you feel that it is serious, it is best to talk to a psychological counselor. You can also consult various psychological counselors for a period of time. You still have your own future to plan, so come on!

ZQ?

Hello, I hope this message finds you well!

I'm Yi Ming, a heart exploration coach.

I read your question and it really made me feel sad. You said that your family of origin has influenced you to become more self-abandoned, inferior, and anxious.

On a positive note, I'm happy to see that you have a clear understanding of yourself, including your altruistic and pleasing personality. I hope you find love and fulfillment through being needed.

I'd be happy to walk you through this, and I hope it'll bring you some small comfort and inspiration.

1. Take a look at your habits and try to find ways to do things differently.

We all have our family of origin to thank for who we are.

It can be especially tough for an adult like you.

If parents don't give us enough love and support, we tend to become pleasing and fearful.

The good news is that you're aware of it. Even if you feel like you can only love someone when they need you and you want to change but can't give up this habit, we can try to look at this issue from a different perspective.

We don't have to suddenly stop this habit because it's made us feel loved.

Then, we can experiment with different approaches.

It might be helpful to try expressing your true thoughts to your father or friends.

Take your time with this process.

You can start by sharing your thoughts just once a week or once a day.

When we express ourselves authentically, our inner strength will gradually return.

For instance, when it comes to social phobia, it's not necessary to automatically label yourself with this social phobia. Instead, it's more helpful to remind yourself that most social phobias are actually just social anxiety.

This is pretty common.

"I get scared when strangers look at me." This could be a sign that we lack a sense of security. Is social anxiety better for loved ones or familiar people?

As we grow up, we may find ourselves constantly questioning our own labels.

If you don't have any close friends at school, you can try to build up your social circle a little bit instead of denying yourself that kind of connection.

2. For "depression and anxiety, and dislike of school":

"I really dislike studying. I can attend classes, but I hardly ever do any homework. Apart from the fact that I lack perseverance, I also feel that I cannot do it, that I cannot concentrate, that I have no patience, and that I get very irritable."

It's great that you can make it to class.

Even if you don't do much homework, it's great that you can attend classes.

Even if you don't do much homework.

"I really dislike studying, and I can attend classes, but I almost never do the homework. Apart from the fact that I lack perseverance, I also feel that I cannot do it, that I cannot concentrate, that I lack patience, and that I get very irritable."

It's great that you can pay attention in class.

Even if you don't do much homework.

When we have negative thoughts about ourselves, it can help to focus on the things we did do and ignore the things we didn't do.

Sometimes the reasons for not doing things are not as straightforward as we think.

For instance, you mentioned that you don't have the perseverance yourself. You don't have to think or say this way. There could be a number of reasons for not doing homework, such as having too much homework, feeling academic pressure, or not being interested, to name a few. All of these can contribute to not doing homework.

If you can't concentrate, how will your listening skills be?

What time of day do you feel your best?

"Insomnia, sleeping four to five hours a day, a little more is seven or eight hours. Every day is very sleepy," this state of mind will also affect how well we do in our studies.

Have you tried anything to improve your sleep quality?

For instance, have you tried doing some exercise or something you enjoy?

You mentioned that even though you sleep for the whole weekend, you still feel tired and even more sleepy. Since this isn't an ideal situation, next time on weekends, you don't have to sleep like this. Instead, try following a normal routine, which might be more effective.

It's normal at your age to cry easily and uncontrollably because you're going through puberty.

This is because we don't have the emotional regulation skills we need yet.

Right now, it's important to take care of yourself and find people who support you.

You didn't mention your mother, for some reason. Best wishes to you!

It's worth looking for other relatives and seeing if they can offer you support.

It's tough for a baby to survive without enough love, objectively speaking.

If you like to read, I suggest you check out "Fly Like a Bird to Your Mountain." We can't choose what kind of family we have, but we can decide how to deal with it.

The author of the book talks about her own experience of building her strength and gradually leaving a dysfunctional family behind.

It might be tough, but it can be done!

You're willing to ask for help and express yourself, and you believe that you'll gradually make friends, form your own small group, and see more.

You said you feel excluded, which may be true, but it may also just be how you feel.

Since we don't have any close friends in the class, we don't feel like we belong.

Please take your time. We're here for you!

If you have the resources, you can also seek help from a psychologist or a trusted individual.

I just wanted to say that I love you and the world loves you too!

Hello! I'll give you a warm hug from afar first, just to show you how much I care!

From your description, I can feel your desire to feel more confident and accepted. And your emotional states of anxiety, school refusal, social phobia, irritability, and insomnia are all rooted in your desire to feel more confident and accepted.

People are the sum of their relationships! We all need each other. If you have too much self-rejection and dislike of yourself due to low self-esteem, you can work on becoming more aware of this part of yourself. This way, you can avoid unintentionally projecting your inner feelings of self-rejection onto other people. You'll find that the people around you will accept you just as you are!

So, you want to better integrate into relationships, be needed, welcomed, and satisfy your need for internal belonging? You choose to please and cater to others, which is a great way to show your love and care for others. However, this can sometimes mean sacrificing, overly suppressing, and hiding some of your legitimate needs. This kind of understanding, overly considerate, and "unrequited" way of giving in a relationship makes it easy for you to integrate into the relationship at first. However, when your giving is not reciprocated in the way you expect and is more taken for granted, you will become angry, disappointed, aggrieved, and want to escape the relationship. This is also the main reason why you feel premature and give up on yourself. But don't worry! There are ways to overcome these challenges.

So, how can you change your unconsciously pleasing, sensitive, socially anxious, neglected, grumpy, and tired self in relationships? The answer is simple: learn to accept yourself from the inside out, overcome your inferiority complex, and cultivate self-confidence! You can start by making a list of your self-acceptance strengths. This will help you see both your shortcomings and your many bright spots and strengths. Develop more interests and passions, take control of more and more things, and stop defining and evaluating yourself based on the results of what you do. You've got this!

Guess what? You can cultivate self-confidence and enhance your sense of self-worth by keeping a gratitude journal!

Once you feel comfortable with yourself and confident enough, you'll be ready to be true to yourself in relationships and express your needs. Especially when others' words or actions make you feel hurt or uncomfortable, you'll be ready to bravely and sincerely express your true feelings and how you want to be treated.

You will also try to express your emotions rather than acting on them. When you feel unwell, you will respect your physical and mental feelings and respond to your needs in a timely and satisfying manner.

It's time to share your feelings with your nearest and dearest! They'll be there for you, ready to offer their emotional support and respond to your needs. And remember, your emotional state and life events can also affect your sleep.

I'm Lily, the little ear of the Q&A Museum! The world and I love you!

Good day, host. I hope my response proves useful to you.

I can relate to your situation. I was once similarly timid and afraid of things. I liked to please others and rarely refused requests. I felt weak and inferior. However, after a period of psychological growth, I adjusted my way of thinking. I became more confident, accepted my character, and learned to guard my boundaries. I believe you can do the same.

You may also find it helpful to refer to some of my experiences.

1. It is essential to gain a comprehensive understanding of oneself.

Do not deny your true self. There is no objective right or wrong in terms of whether you are an introvert or an extrovert, or whether you are a pleasing personality type. There is no inherent good or bad in terms of being introverted or extroverted. Extroverts have the advantage of being extroverted, and introverts have the benefits of being introverted.

It is evident that extroverts are held in higher regard in our society. However, it is important to understand that there is no such thing as a good or bad personality. Our focus should be on identifying our strengths and leveraging them to our advantage.

There is no need to pretend to be someone you are not. It is simply a matter of being true to yourself. When you do so, your words and actions will be in harmony.

It will become evident that when one is being their authentic self, others will still hold a positive regard for them. Conversely, when one is not being their true self, others will still hold a negative regard for them.

It is therefore important to have an objective and accurate understanding of ourselves, to avoid self-labelling with negative terms, and to recognise both our strengths and weaknesses.

2. With regard to social interaction, it is important to be selective and avoid the "spotlight effect."

It is important to engage in selective socializing.

It is important to note that everyone has a social need. Socializing can provide a sense of belonging and security, but it is essential to be selective about who we socialize with. It is not beneficial to socialize with individuals who constantly negate and undermine us, as this can cause distress. Instead, it is more advantageous to socialize with people who consistently offer encouragement and support, as this allows us to experience care and support in our social interactions.

If you feel overwhelmed by social interactions, it is advisable to adjust the frequency of such interactions until you feel comfortable. It is important to recognise your own needs and to take the time to care for your own feelings.

It is advisable to avoid the "spotlight effect."

The "spotlight effect" is a technical term in psychology that refers to the tendency to unintentionally magnify one's problems. To illustrate, you confidently attend a party, dressed neatly and looking refreshed, except that the breeze has slightly messed up your hair.

As you approach the door, you notice a mirror in the doorway. You feel your appearance is messy and unkempt, and your hair is a complete mess. You suddenly feel as though all eyes are on you, and you hear whispers about your "unlucky appearance."

You are experiencing a heightened level of anxiety, despite there being no actual cause for concern. This is a phenomenon known as the spotlight effect, which is a psychological phenomenon.

The spotlight effect occurs when our perception of reality differs from our perception of how we are perceived by others. In the context of people, it means that we tend to overestimate the significance of our behavior, appearance, and emotions in the eyes of others.

The "spotlight effect" is the reason for your nervousness when talking to other people. You believe that other people are paying special attention to your every move, and when you talk to other people, you feel as though you are under a spotlight. This causes you to feel nervous.

However, in reality, we are not as important as we believe ourselves to be, and other people do not pay as much attention to us as we think. It is therefore important to relax and be ourselves.

It is important to understand that the more you can be yourself, the more you can gain ease and comfort. People who like you will like, accept, and support you regardless of your personal characteristics. Conversely, people who do not like you may still disapprove of you and not support you, even if you behave in a way that aligns with their expectations. It is not possible to gain the approval of everyone, but you can strive to be the person you admire. As you become more aligned with your true self, you will also become more comfortable with who you are.

3. Adhere to your personal standards and prioritize your own needs.

It is important to consider the feelings of others, anticipate their needs, and prioritize our own. Failure to do so can result in a range of negative emotions.

When we are unable to express our needs and present our true selves, our hearts become blocked. We must learn to express our feelings and needs and be true to ourselves.

Adherence to personal values and authenticity will result in greater internal harmony and ease. I recognize that this is a challenging aspect for you, but with dedication to self-improvement and communication, you will gradually align with your desired personal brand.

When you are courageous enough to express your true self, you will find that your own energy will become stronger and stronger.

4. It is important to treat other people's evaluations with respect.

We are all individuals with unique sets of evaluation criteria.

When others meet our evaluation criteria, we offer them our approval and support. Conversely, when they do not meet our evaluation criteria, we express our disapproval and doubt.

Conversely, when our actions align with the other person's evaluation criteria, they will recognize and accept us. Conversely, when our actions do not align with the other person's evaluation criteria, they will reject us.

It is therefore important to understand that whether or not the other person recognises you is not a key factor. Instead, it is more important to ensure that you match their evaluation criteria. It is not possible to control the thoughts and actions of others. It is also not possible to meet everyone's evaluation criteria.

Life presents challenges to all of us, and we each have different aspirations and circumstances. There is no need to measure yourself against other people's standards or to expect others to conform to your own standards. There is no need to seek others' understanding and approval in everything.

It is important to note that seeking external validation and compromising one's values to gain the approval of others is unnecessary. Furthermore, it is unwise to prioritize maintaining relationships at the expense of one's personal integrity. It is inevitable that individuals will be liked and disliked, and it is crucial to be able to accept this reality.

It is important to understand that we do not live to satisfy other people's expectations. If we continue to seek approval and care about what others think, we risk living other people's lives. If we place too much hope in being recognized by others, we may find ourselves living according to their expectations and losing sight of our true selves. This can lead to challenges as it may not align with our genuine aspirations.

It is essential to reassert control over the evaluation of your own performance. You can treat yourself as a third party and evaluate your performance comprehensively, objectively, and truthfully. This approach will enable you to gain a deeper understanding of your strengths and weaknesses, as well as your objectives. At this stage, the opinions of others become less influential.

When you prioritize your own self-awareness and authenticity, you will find that your relationships are enhanced. Those relationships that were negatively affected by suppressing your needs and pleasing others will improve.

5. Practice self-acceptance.

It is important to accept your own character and recognize your imperfections. It is also essential to acknowledge your shortcomings and inadequacies while recognizing your strengths and value. The first step to becoming more confident is to accept yourself.

It is important to understand that accepting oneself is not always straightforward. However, it is essential to persevere in this process. When negative self-talk arises, it is crucial to maintain an open mind and continue to embrace self-acceptance. It is vital to recognise that we all have both strengths and weaknesses. By leveraging our strengths and learning to live with our shortcomings, we can lead a fulfilling and successful life.

When you accept yourself, you can live with your shortcomings, and your confidence will grow.

It is important to note that many individuals are not perfect, yet they are able to thrive despite their shortcomings. It is essential to recognize the complete, true, and comprehensive self, accept one's imperfections, and live a comfortable life.

6. It is important to recognize your own strengths and value, and to consistently engage in positive self-talk.

Affirmation and self-support are key to building confidence.

When there is a lack of internal resources, individuals tend to seek external solutions. However, external resources are inherently unstable and beyond our control. The only thing we can control is ourselves and our own actions and thoughts.

The necessity of external recognition indicates a lack of self-approval. It is therefore essential to practise self-approval and self-encouragement. When individuals approve of and support themselves sufficiently, they will be less concerned with the approval and evaluation of others.

When you accept and recognize yourself, you will find that others will also recognize and trust you more and more. This is because you will exude your own charm and radiate confidence.

In conclusion, you are the source of everything. By changing yourself, you can effect change in your environment.

7. It is essential to cultivate self-confidence and a sense of security, while continuously enhancing abilities and knowledge.

Confidence is derived from strength and hard work. When we become the person we aspire to be through our own efforts, we will become more confident and our resolve will become stronger.

It is possible to set yourself appropriate goals and then work towards achieving them one step at a time. By achieving your goals, your abilities will gradually improve, your knowledge will accumulate, and your experience will become richer and richer. This will result in a greater sense of security, a greater sense of control over your life, and a natural increase in confidence.

Appropriate goals are those of moderate difficulty, which can be reached by taking incremental steps. If the goal is too small, it may not provide sufficient challenge, leading to a lack of interest and motivation. Conversely, if the goal is too big, it may be overwhelming and result in a lack of confidence. Moderate-intensity goals are the most motivating and effective. When we work hard to achieve these goals, we gain a sense of accomplishment and self-confidence.

As an example, if your current walking level is 4,000 steps per day, set your daily goal at 4,500-5,000 steps, rather than less than 4,000 or as high as 10,000.

When establishing objectives that align with your capabilities, it is crucial to persevere. Only through decisive action can you overcome challenges and truly recognize your value.

This method, when used in a learning context, has the additional benefit of enhancing interest in the subject matter. It is recommended that you provide yourself with a reward or praise after you have completed your own small goals, which will help you to persevere.

Please continue to provide yourself with encouragement, positive mental suggestions, and the belief that you can achieve your goals.

Let's get started!