17-year-old girl, single-parent family, mother always says she's tired, and asks me to understand her?

Hello, my child. I hope my answer can be of some help to you.

From your description, I can appreciate the envy you feel in your heart for others who can happily use their New Year's money to buy the things they like. And every time you receive New Year's money, you never get to keep any of it for yourself, but have to give it all to your mother, is that right?

Perhaps, in the past, you didn't feel this way, but now, at 17 years old, you've entered puberty, you have your own sense of independence, you want to make your own decisions and choices, and your New Year's money, which you feel is yours to control, was taken away by your mother. Is that correct?

I can see that this is a challenging situation for you both. It seems that there is a difference of opinion regarding the use and control of money. You have grown up and want to have the right to use and control your own money, while your mother, who probably still thinks of you as a child, needs the money to help the family with its finances. Perhaps she really has no other choice. However, I believe that through effective communication, you can express each other's true needs and feelings, which will promote the development of your relationship, resolve conflicts and contradictions, and find a way that both of you can accept.

For instance, you might consider finding a time when both of you are in a more positive frame of mind. This could be an opportunity to express your true feelings and needs. You could say something like, "Mom, I was really sad, aggrieved, and heartbroken when I ran out of my New Year's money. I was envious of them for being able to use their New Year's money to buy their favorite things. Now that I'm grown up, I hope you can respect some of my rights and let me control some of my New Year's money. Would you be willing to give me some of your New Year's money so that I can buy the things I like?"

Then, you can listen carefully to what your mother has to say. Perhaps she will express her true feelings. It's not that she doesn't want to give you money, but she does have her own difficulties. She loves you very much, but she has her limitations. Perhaps her expectation of you is that you can understand why she asks you for New Year's money...

It may be challenging to help each other solve problems, but when you can open up at home and communicate sincerely, not to solve problems, but just to express your true feelings and needs, you can both gain a deeper understanding of each other's needs and feel each other's feelings. With time, you may be able to provide each other with good emotional support.

Perhaps a solution could be found that would satisfy both parties. One option might be for your mother to take away some of the money and leave some for you to spend as you wish. Alternatively, you could tell your mother what you want to buy and let her keep the money, but you could go shopping together to buy the thing you like, or she could buy it for you.

I can sense that you and your mother are facing some challenges. It might be helpful to consider ways to release and relieve your emotions. Resisting stress and suppressing emotions can sometimes lead to internal blocks, which can affect communication and overall well-being.

I wonder if it might be helpful for you and your mother to consider some ways to release your emotions and improve your state. Here are some techniques for releasing emotions that you might find useful:

1. It is beneficial to socialize with friends who can provide support and encouragement, and who you feel comfortable with.

It might be helpful to consider going for a walk, doing some exercise, or playing a game of sports that you enjoy. These activities can help you relax.

3. Writing therapy involves writing down all your feelings and thoughts on paper. There is no need to worry about whether the handwriting is clear and neat, or about the logic of the content. You can simply express your feelings.

4. One way to release anger is to punch a pillow or sandbag, which provides a soft object to hit.

5. You might find it helpful to try the empty chair technique to release emotions. This involves placing an empty chair in a room and assuming that the person you want to talk to is sitting in it. You can then express yourself to the chair, whether that's anger or abuse.

I hope these suggestions are helpful to you. It is my hope that you will be able to become a mother and daughter who support and warm each other. Best wishes!

Hello! I'm thrilled to see that you've asked for help. I'm excited to share my insights and support you in any way I can.

I can feel the strong desire and longing of a 17-year-old girl to have her own pocket money. In fact, what really makes you feel sad and confused is not your mother cutting your pocket money, but her lack of understanding, mistrust and disrespect for you. This is an amazing opportunity for you to recognize that your mother's lack of trust in your right to make your own independent choices and decisions in life, as well as her interference and control over your life, is what's really making you feel sad and confused.

You can be brave and honest with your mother and tell her your true feelings and needs. You can do this even when you feel uncomfortable and sad about your mother cutting your allowance. The reason you haven't tried to do this is probably because you lack clear awareness of your emotional feelings. But you can gain this awareness! You can also gain clarity on what's behind your uncomfortable emotional feelings and how you want to be treated.

At the same time, you should also try to understand your mother. As a single mother, she is indeed not financially well off. During your growth, she has shouldered too much. The reason why she always hopes that you can understand her more is that what she has done in raising you is more invisible and unrecognized. Especially when she cannot find a better way to nourish and care for herself, she will instinctively project this part of her emotional deficiency onto her children, hoping that her children can give her more. But this is unfair to the children, because children are not capable of giving their parents such support, especially for a child who has not yet reached adulthood. Right? So, what can you do to help?

Once you've identified this part of your inner emotions, you can start the healing process! Learn, grow, and read some psychology books to help you along the way. The emotions and emotional trauma caused by not being seen, respected, or understood in a single-parent family can only be healed when you begin to heal yourself, become self-aware, and care for yourself. Then, you can start giving your mother the support she needs!

I'm Lily, the little ear of the Q&A Museum! The world and I love you!