20-year-old girl, recently, very torn between conflicting emotions, always seems to be focused on the outside world

Good morning,

Host:

After carefully reviewing the post, I identified two key themes: an inner struggle and a conflict between two opposing forces. On the one hand, the individual desires to be true to themselves and live according to their beliefs. However, on the other hand, there seems to be an internal voice urging them to do otherwise. Additionally, I noted that the individual courageously expressed their confusion and actively sought assistance on the platform. This could prove beneficial in helping them better understand and recognize themselves, which in turn could facilitate personal growth and development.

Next, I will share my observations and thoughts from the post, which may assist you in viewing yourself from a more diverse perspective.

1. Exploring yourself

As noted in the original post, the host has observed that I tend to disapprove of myself, avoid causing discomfort to others, and refrain from being impolite. There are instances when I desire solitude and independence, yet I am reluctant to pursue them. I am curious to understand the underlying reasons for these behaviors.

We must also consider the source of these thoughts. Let us engage in some collaborative thinking and exploration.

Firstly, I would like to explore with you the reasons behind your desire not to hurt others or to become impolite. When friends need us, we are there for them. What kind of feelings and benefits does this bring to you?

From a psychological perspective, our behavior is an external manifestation of psychological activity.

As a result, our needs are obscured by our behavior. By understanding these needs, we can gain valuable insights into ourselves.

It is not uncommon for individuals to be taken aback by external perceptions and evaluations. This is because they tend to seek external recognition and affirmation to bolster their sense of value. This is an area that may warrant further reflection.

2. Investigate the source of your sense of shame.

Furthermore, this relationship model is projected onto relationships with other people. In the aforementioned post, the poster indicated that they feel ashamed of these needs. Perhaps we can explore the sense of shame together.

Why is it that we feel ashamed when we satisfy our own needs, but not when we satisfy the needs of others?

Why is there a tendency to prioritize meeting the needs of others over one's own needs?

Emotions serve as a conduit to our inner selves, allowing us to gain deeper insights through emotional introspection. It is beneficial to reflect on the underlying reasons behind feelings of shame.

What are your thoughts on this matter? This is something you may wish to reflect on, landlord.

However, this may be influenced by upbringing and early experiences.

For instance, many individuals were raised in an environment of criticism, where their own needs were met with disapproval and they were only acknowledged when they met the expectations of their critics. As a result, they developed the perception that happiness is contingent on the happiness of others. This perception is then projected onto relationships with other people.

This can result in the perception that happiness is contingent on the happiness of others. As a result, the original poster may wish to review their upbringing to identify any potentially problematic parenting styles that may have influenced their current outlook.

A comprehensive understanding of oneself is essential for developing self-compassion and the capacity to make informed adjustments.

3. Practice self-love.

From an analysis of the content of the post, it can be seen that the poster's approach to relationships is to prioritise meeting the needs of others before addressing their own needs. This can result in a tendency to suppress a range of emotions.

Accordingly, it may be beneficial to prioritize one's own needs before addressing those of others. This adjustment can be made.

While this may be challenging in the moment and you may experience a strong sense of shame, you can achieve this with these emotions. Additionally, our sense of shame may stem from unhealthy parenting and beliefs that we have internalized since childhood. When we reflect on our past experiences and identify irrational beliefs,

It is also necessary to replace these beliefs with more constructive ones. It is only possible to love others better if we love ourselves, as love is a skill that can be developed. If we lack this skill, it will be difficult for us to give love to others.

What, then, is meant by "loving yourself"? While it is certainly important to be kind to oneself, it is also essential to understand and accept oneself fully.

It is important to accept oneself fully, including one's shortcomings and strengths.

I hope this information is useful to you. If you are seeking to make adjustments, it is important to note that this cannot be achieved solely by answering questions. In order to gain a deeper understanding and make the necessary changes, it is advisable to seek guidance from a professional. Should you have any further questions, you can also click to find a coach for one-on-one chat services to explore these in more depth.

Dear questioner, I get what you're saying. You don't want to hurt your friends, and you have a lot of ideas about how friends and the world should be fixed in your head. But you also have strong, self-centered needs. You want to be comfortable, relaxed, even lonely, and free to do whatever you want. This seems contradictory, but it's also a sign of your growth and maturity.

You used to want everyone's approval and needed to spend time with your friends all the time, but now that you're more mature, you want to live for yourself and need your own space.

1. Make time for yourself to be alone. You don't need your mother's company and care all the time, and you don't need praise and recognition from others all the time. You've grown up and need your own space, a space free from outside interference and constraints.

It's not realistic to completely isolate yourself from others, but you can create a small period of time and space for yourself so you can be yourself fully. For example, you could study alone, spend some time alone in the dormitory or at home, go shopping alone, etc.

It's important to find a balance and not spend all your time with one person. It's good to have some alone time to practice and enjoy it.

2. Inner peace comes from not letting external judgments affect you. In a crowd, if we pay attention to other people's comments all the time, we'll always be nervous. The more sure of ourselves we are, the clearer we'll be about our thoughts, feelings, and judgments about things. This will help us not be too influenced by others.

This is likely a process of maturity for everyone, and it requires constant reflection and practice to shift your focus from external stimuli to your inner self, and to develop your own discernment on most matters.

3. Refusing a friend isn't the same as hurting them. We all have a strong mutual dependence on our close friends, and we generally don't want to refuse their requests. This is what makes good friends special.

We have to accept that not all friends are good friends. You can't please everyone all the time. You have to give more to the few really close friends, but if you give completely to everyone, you won't be able to bear the burden.

It's also important to have a clear set of expectations and boundaries with your best friends. If you keep giving and the other person doesn't consider your situation or understand you at all, it might not be a balanced relationship. Refusing others is partly about maintaining a distance and partly about seeing if the other person can understand your situation and is willing to trust you.

A good friend will be there for you even if they say no. So it's important to try and experience more, find a true good friend, and have an intimate and understanding relationship.

Given that you're 20, it's a great time of life, but it can also be a bit confusing and uncertain. I'm sure you have a strong moral compass and won't do anything extreme.

Then just give it a go, get in touch and look for it. I wish you the best of luck in finding good friends and a partner, and also in finding the real and comfortable you.