A 22-year-old woman feels that she doesn't look good dressed up, and that people who dress well are superior?

Hello, 22-year-old girl!

Many people feel the way you do, but they hide it and keep on making others think they are doing fine. Your relative must have had some really bad times too. Even when you were a child and saw her looking so pretty and high and mighty, she might have been swallowing her tears because of something else going on inside.

I say this to make it clear that everyone in this world has their own share of suffering and happiness, and that they are not what they seem! There is no need to be too self-critical or pessimistic about the situation at hand!

Let's cut to the chase and address the root of the problem. When we don't look good, we feel bad. Conversely, when we look good, we feel superior and above others.

It's not just about clothes or academic performance. We experience these highs and lows at any point in time. When we feel good about ourselves, we feel elated. When we feel bad and ashamed, we want to hide.

This has to do with our core self, which is an inferiority complex and I am not good! Babies see themselves in their mothers' eyes. A baby who is responded to promptly and well cared for from birth will feel "I am good." If a baby is nurtured in this way most of the time during the first three years of life, the child will grow up to be very confident. She will not negate herself because she is wearing an ugly dress or because she has done something wrong.

If a child does not receive such care, he will develop a self-perception of being "not good." This feeling of "not good" is very bad. In order not to always feel bad, one will develop a split personality. For example, I feel very good when I do something that everyone thinks is good.

If we accidentally do something wrong, it feels very bad. There's no doubt about it: whether someone is good or not is related to what happens outside!

We must not blame our parents. They did not study psychology and were unaware of how to raise their children better psychologically. As adults, we must take responsibility for our inner selves and nourish them constantly.

Just like the Good Enough Mom, we must be aware of and accept, affirm, and praise our inner child. Distinguish between people and things. Regardless of your actions, you are good and deserve to be treated well by the world!

Hello, landlord. I'm confident my answer will be helpful to you.

Hug yourself. You may feel your inner turmoil and powerlessness, but you are very brave to come here for help. Being able to express yourself honestly is a kind of confidence. Not everyone can admit their own vulnerability. Being able to face yourself honestly is the beginning of change. So, how do we adjust our mindset?

I advise you to:

Look at yourself from the perspective of an observer and see that "if I don't dress well, I'm a mess; if I dress well, I'm superior" is just an idea of your own, and ideas can be changed.

Use the 5-step method to change your thoughts. Understand that thoughts are not who you are. Thoughts and ideas are like pieces of a chessboard. Adjust your thoughts, not your identity. Close your eyes to complete the following steps.

Step 1: Think of a limiting thought (I'm better than others because I dress well), and remove it from your mind.

Step 2: Observe what it looks like, and feel the emotions and thoughts that the thought brings you.

Step 3: Take two steps back to establish an observing self and look at yourself and the thought.

Step 4: Think of a new thought (for example, "I can dress nicely, but that doesn't mean I'm better than others"). Place it in the other hand and feel the relaxation and joy that this new thought brings you.

Step 5: Move forward and process the two thoughts. Allow yourself to embrace the new thought and let it sink in.

Do this exercise often and slowly. New ideas will sink into your subconscious, helping you adjust your thinking and establish a positive mindset.

2. Build up your inner strength, self-confidence, and define your own beauty.

When you have confidence and inner strength, you don't care about other people's opinions and doubts. Take Mr. Yu Minhong, for example. He often wears very cheap clothes. Once, he said that the clothes, pants, and shoes he wore all together cost less than 100 yuan. This didn't make him feel bad because he knew his value wasn't reflected in the clothes he wore.

Mr. Yu was once self-conscious, but he built up his inner strength and boosted his self-confidence. How did he do it? He accepted himself and then took action.

This transformation of New Oriental has given us a deep understanding of the spirit of New Oriental – and what it means to "find hope in despair."

Teacher Yu believes that people must keep running forward. You don't have to run fast, but you must run for a long time. As long as you keep running, you will reach the end you aspire to. There's no other way. And his summary of his experience in doing things is: no one can learn to do things before doing things. Instead, you must first get things done, and then you can identify problems and solve them, thereby learning things, which will continuously improve yourself and lead to growth.

Take action. It's the best cure for anxiety. We often feel anxious because we spend too much time thinking and not enough time acting.

You will achieve the state of Ms. Yu when you have accomplished many things you want to do through continuous hard work. This will make you confident and powerful inside. You will then be able to define your own beauty, rather than negating yourself because of other people's aesthetics.

3. You must balance your time, communicate effectively with your roommates, and focus on the most important things at the moment.

You say there are too many things to deal with now, that the dormitory is noisy at night, and you can't get an early night's rest. This is annoying you. We need to grasp the main contradiction, balance our time, focus on the most important things, and attack them one by one.

If you want to improve your academic performance, you have to focus on that. Every day, think of ways to help yourself study well. When you have a clear goal, you know where you're going. When you encounter difficulties, you find ways to solve them. There are always more ways than difficulties.

If the dormitory is noisy at night, you need to find a way to solve the problem. It will affect your efficiency the next day. You can communicate well with your roommates. Don't criticize or blame them. Simply express your feelings and needs, as well as specific requests. They are very likely to respect your needs.

If they are unwilling to adjust, we can also think of other ways. Our goal is to improve our academic performance, so we can go back to the dormitory later, study in the library or study room for a while, and then go back to the dormitory and do things that will not be affected by the noise of others. I used to go back to the dormitory and do some topics that need to be discussed with everyone and some washing and cleaning things.

If you don't go to bed early, adjust your schedule and do something before bed. For example, memorize vocabulary before bed and then do it again when you wake up. This method is particularly effective because there is no post-recency inhibition when memorizing before bed and no pre-recency inhibition when memorizing when you wake up, and the times are close. You can use your time efficiently when you're focused on memorizing. And when you're memorizing, the noise from your roommates won't affect you. Try it!

You may find the above information useful. Best wishes!