A 25-year-old woman, how can she break free from the vicious cycle of tangled thoughts?

Hello, dear question asker!

You're only 25, which is still the prime of youth! But from what you've shared, I can tell that the past two years have been really tough for you. You've poured your heart out many times over the past year and even sought advice a few times, but it hasn't been enough. I get it, I really do. I understand how you feel, lost and helpless. I'm here for you, I hug you!

It's so sad, but relationships have been a source of pain for as long as we can remember. It's hard to say how many people have experienced this, but I'd guess at least 90% of us have felt the sting of heartache at one point or another. And it's not just me saying this — there are so many TV shows about relationships, and they're all full of people who are going through the same thing!

Fiction, etc. Love is a topic that has been discussed since ancient times, but it is still as relevant as ever, isn't it?

I have to tell you, when I saw that you said you broke up, I was really impressed by how decisive you were. I'll tell you why. I saw you say:

My parents are also pushing me to get married, and he is my absolute favorite in every way!

I can totally relate to this! My parents are also pushing me to get married, and my boyfriend is my absolute dream guy. It's so hard to meet your needs when you're facing pressure from your parents and your heart is set on someone special. I know exactly what you mean when you say:

Oh my, wouldn't it be better if something happened and I gave him what he wanted!

In other words, he wants it, but you don't want to give it, and you are also determined not to give it, even though she is your type. This just goes to show that you're a very assertive person who has a value of your own and isn't afraid to stand up for yourself. I really have to give you a big compliment for this!

I agree with you on this point because I lack it too. I really admire you for it! Maybe, as you said, because you are a slow-to-warm-up type, you are a slow-to-warm-up type when it comes to investing in a relationship. When it comes to separation, perhaps your slow-to-warm-up type will also hinder your footsteps. For example, when you separate, you think of his good points and want to get back together with him, so you have been on and off with him for the past two years. In other words, your relationship with her is like chicken ribs, which is in your heart.

It's totally normal to have these thoughts. I'm the same! I'm scared of breaking up with someone, but also scared of sticking to my own ideas. I was broken up with, but I still can't forget about the other person, and I'm still ruminating on the same thoughts as you said, making myself look very awkward.

I don't know, if I were in your shoes, I might not be as quick to seek help. But you're doing great! It's so positive that you're thinking about talking about it and going for counseling.

We know that in psychology, being aware of oneself is actually the first step on the road to healing. So you're already well on your way to feeling better after this rumination.

I know it's been tough the past couple of years. I remember how hard it was for me when I didn't have a way to seek help and my thoughts were all over the place. You've been through a lot, and I'm here for you. Sending hugs!

You know, there's a saying that you can't persuade someone if they don't want to be persuaded. So, if you've done all that talking and counseling and it still doesn't satisfy you, then really, the only way to feel relaxed is if you can let go completely. I can see that you've reached that point of growth, and I'm here to support you.

That is, when you found out he had a girlfriend, you gave him your blessing, and what's more, you also returned the thousands of dollars you spent together, which shows how decisive you are! Of course, your talk of hardship is very much in line with your slow-to-warm-up personality, but I think that hardship is normal and within reason. This is protecting yourself, and as you said, by thinking things over, you have also gained, reducing the time spent in the emotional brain. This is our emergency response to this matter!

So when things happen, it's really important to be strong and bear the suffering.

Since we can't change how someone feels, and we have to face our own pain, we might find ourselves stuck in a loop of thinking. I think the best thing we can do is just keep going as usual. If you're really struggling, it might help to talk about it when things get really bad. You can also try counseling. It can depend on the counselor and the timing, but it might be worth giving it another try. When you're ready, you might find that you feel a special connection with your counselor and that things start to shift.

When your thoughts are racing, if you don't want to talk or seek counseling, you can also write. We know that writing is also a very good healing process. You can come here to ask questions or go to the story club to write. Anyway, just write whatever you want to say. When you write it out, you will actually be doing a good healing.

Hey, you've already done so much! Talking, consulting, and learning about different methods like the emotional brain you mentioned below. You're doing great!

I just want you to take a deep breath and think about the methods we talked about in counseling. I think we can use those same methods in our own practice.

Theory only works when it is applied in practice. And it takes time to produce results, not just one, two, or three consultations. So don't be impatient, especially since we also admit to being slow to warm up. I know it can be frustrating, but I'm here to support you through this.

I truly believe you will be able to rely on your own abilities to get out of this difficult situation. And then, you will find the other half that is a good match for you and that you like.

Now, you think he's perfect for you, but when you meet your next love, you'll realize that they're truly meant for you. I'll be honest with you — I already have this feeling. The one who made me die and live at that time really wasn't that great.

I really hope you can let go of this relationship easily and enjoy the beauty of your next one very soon. I love you so much, and so does the world!

Hello, dear poster!

I totally get where you're coming from. It's not easy to end a relationship, especially when you've been in it for a while.

Oh, love! It can lead to life and death.

It's totally normal to have second thoughts!

It's so important for the host to first accept the emergence of this emotion.

I'd love to know what's going on inside your heart.

To find out the root cause, you have to start by asking yourself. I know it can be tough, but you've got this!

I'm sure you're wondering why the host is suggesting a breakup. Is it something that's really their problem, or is it more about the other person?

When it seems like neither you nor your partner can accept or change this problem,

It'll still be tough if they stay together, even though it might seem like the easier option. The host might just want to make a quick decision for now.

I really feel like I can't let go, though.

It's so tough when you can't let go, isn't it?

It's just not possible to forget each other or to help each other out.

I know it's easier said than done, but I'm here for you.

But, sweetheart, reality is reality, and no matter what happens, you'll have to accept it.

For those who have truly loved, time can't make the longing for the other person go away. It just gets stronger!

I'm really sorry, but I don't know what made the original poster break up for whatever reason.

I know you miss him so much and can't let go, but why leave regrets?

There are so many people in the world, and it can be really tough to get to know each other, fall in love, and come together.

I really hope the original poster can find true happiness!

I'm so happy it's June! I love you, world!

Hello, I have a question for you.

You're constantly replaying your emotions. The breakup brought you a lot of entangled, frustrating feelings. You long to enter into a satisfying intimate relationship. I understand how you feel.

Separation anxiety

You feel your emotions started after breaking up with your ex.

After the breakup, you proposed to get back together. You kept in contact for two years, sometimes more, sometimes less.

This is a kind of separation reaction after a breakup. You want to leave but can't. You're afraid to go back.

This is separation anxiety. It's a reluctance to let go of a relationship, a dependence, and a lack of independence. It's similar to a young child's conflict when they want to leave their mother but are afraid of being unsafe without her. This state repeats itself, and you're left with no choice but to remain where you are.

You can try to see if this happens with other people too, or if it's something you learned from your parents.

Fear of being abandoned.

You keep going back and forth on emotional issues. Do you worry about being abandoned? You proposed the breakup, but you can't bear the anxiety and loneliness. This makes you quickly go back to that relationship to avoid experiencing the suffering.

Emotions

You said, "At the beginning of the year, I contacted the other person, who already had a girlfriend. I expressed my best wishes, but he did not reply. He also said that he might not marry his girlfriend. After I learned that he had a girlfriend, I returned all the money we spent together, which was several thousand yuan, to him. I did not want to think about his kindness."

It seems like you've kept your feelings inside and can't show your true self. Have you hidden your feelings for him? Have you shown affection in other ways? Are you afraid to express your anger?

If you have unresolved feelings from your last relationship, you may feel like doing something about it.

You're aware of the problem and can change it.

Try to move away from your parents, then reduce your dependence on them. Do your own things, make your own decisions, and learn to express yourself.

Give your sweetheart a hug.

Based on what you said, it seems like you loved each other when you were together, so it's hard to move on.

Now you want to mature, not be so emotional, and start a new life.

You may have heard things like:

Intimacy is something that's built between two people together. If it doesn't work out, it's not just one person's problem, and it won't last forever just because one person gives in.

A good relationship is one where you're attracted to, tolerant of, and supportive of each other.

You feel relaxed and proud when you know your partner is doing well, and you find them endearing when you see them having a minor emotional outburst.

Take a moment to think about this: when you look at your partner, which one of you doesn't come with their own filter?

If not, then it's not the right person for you.

The right person is intuitively happy with each other, just like they're each other's ideal match.

You broke up, then tried to get back together, made an effort, but it just got worse.

Then you keep looking for the reason in yourself...

You're not alone in this, honey. Give yourself a pat on the back for all your hard work.

Let's look at it from his perspective for a moment. If he were you, would he act the same way, interact with you the same way, and work with you to build a sense of security between you?

You do it, don't you?

You tend to take your time getting to know someone and forming a romantic attachment.

You know you get emotional, but what are the reasons that always make you get emotional in your relationship?

Figure it out: Why do you get emotional?

First of all, it's important to understand that an emotional brain is not a characteristic of a person, but rather a state that everyone experiences.

Here's the deal with emotional brains:

When we face uncertainty or a major challenge, we tend to respond in ways we're most comfortable with. If we're still struggling to cope, we might get emotional, enter the emotional brain state, and enter a state of disregard.

So, is it wrong for someone to get emotional, and if so, should they change?

No, that's not right.

We need to work on our ability to deal with the world, our perspective, insight, level of understanding, etc.

The harder something is to handle, the less likely it is to enter the emotional brain state. But it'll always be a factor. After all, there are very few people in the world who have reached the level of enlightenment.

Since we're all mortal, emotions are just part of life.

So, we need to think about why we enter the emotional brain state.

Second, from the time you mentioned breaking up, you decided to leave, and he didn't try to stop you.

(Retaining is not just a gesture, let alone a few words. It's an urgent feeling from the heart, as if you've lost a treasure.)

Maybe you were hoping he'd say something, but the reality is, he probably let you down.

Time and again, you've tried your best, but your relationship hasn't improved as much as you'd hoped.

It even feels like you've made a mistake as a child, wronged someone, and are at a loss.

So, you start to wonder what would have happened if you had made a different choice or compromise.

You know that too.

When you were together, his emotional state didn't change just because you gave in.

At the same time, because you've made concessions you don't fully agree with, you'll have opinions and emotions about yourself, which will make it easier for your emotional brain state to kick in.

So, now we're at this point:

Your relationship is over, you're going through a lot emotionally, and he's moved on.

You both have to find your way in your new circumstances.

It's hard to say who's better at adapting: you, who stayed put, or him, who chose to set off.

But it's irrelevant.

It's great that you can adapt.

No one controls another person's thoughts.

There's no reason to change for other people because you don't know what you're getting into.

Change for yourself. 25 is a great age. Why rush it?

Put your trust in yourself and find your inner peace.

When you meet the right person, getting married is a natural next step.

How many people get married just because it's a tradition, and then end up living a chaotic life, and can only sigh to themselves? And the people who urge you to get married can't be held responsible.

In short, stay with someone who makes you stronger every day. You'll see that leaving someone who drains you emotionally is a blessing in disguise.

The impact of people on each other is often much more significant than we realize.

Why not take a moment to write down the following three items on a piece of paper?

What are your goals?

What did you spend all that time on?

What was the outcome?

The content of these three projects is basically the input-output ratio of your time. It's also about the opportunities and obstacles you face as you try to become the person you want to be and take control of your life.

It's only when you take action that you'll find a sense of reality in the feedback you get from reality.

Maybe you feel a bit unsettled right now.

But looking at the two years that have passed, it's already okay. Give yourself a pat on the back and say goodbye to the sunk costs of the past.

If you're still struggling to let go, you can write it as a story and keep it in your memory. Pick it up now and then and read it, and you'll still feel that smile from back then.

When you let it go and remember it, it becomes a peaceful memory.

And you, you're still vibrant and fresh, maturing and becoming more beautiful every day.

Wishing you the best!

The future is long, and you'll continue to grow day by day.

You can do this.

Greetings.

It is possible to comprehend the emotional state of the other person at this juncture, given that repeated separations and reunions in a relationship result in a state of physical and mental exhaustion. Furthermore, the inability to discern one's genuine feelings and the presence of doubts in the face of challenges lead to the necessity of recognizing that these difficulties originate from unmet needs. It is, therefore, essential to engage in a period of quiet observation to ascertain one's genuine needs in a relationship. This process entails identifying the manner in which the other person expresses their love in a way that instills a sense of safety and fulfillment.

What are the causes of rumination?

If one is unable to maintain a stable emotional state, one may experience rumination. When emotions interfere with one's feelings in response to a given situation, the thoughts one has and the decisions one makes may not align with one's true wishes in that moment. As a result, one may not feel relieved or relaxed, but rather experience anxiety about the problem again, as the problem has not yet been resolved. However, in some cases, the opportunity to resolve the problem may have already passed.

From the problem description, it can be discerned that the questioner proposed breaking up during the process of the two parties getting used to each other. Additionally, the possibility of getting back together again was expressed. However, the time and feelings that had passed were difficult to return, and a knot had been formed in their hearts. They wanted to control their emotions, but their boyfriend was more emotionally stable. This may be because they were both mentally and physically exhausted from the "back and forth" emotions, or they may be afraid of facing it again, so they decided to give up. From his response, it can be seen that he does not want to change the current situation.

Irrespective of the response provided by the boyfriend, it is imperative for the questioner to comprehend that his feelings and thoughts are solely his own and do not define the questioner's intrinsic value. In the event that the relationship is irremediable, it is essential for the questioner to embrace self-acceptance, acknowledge the anguish and remorse associated with the missed opportunity, bid farewell to the past, and embark on a new chapter in life.

How might one resolve this through the process of rational thought?

1. It is essential to recognize and accept the differences between partners and to cultivate tolerance. Disagreements are a normal aspect of any relationship. However, it is crucial to understand the nuances of each partner's thought process and the impact of conflict on their individual well-being. For instance, research indicates that women tend to prioritize emotional responses during disagreements, while men often prioritize outcomes and a more linear, logical approach. Due to their tendency to internalize emotions, men may choose to "keep quiet" or "escape from the scene" to avoid conflict.

2. It is essential to learn to express oneself and manage one's emotions. Once mutual understanding has been achieved, it is crucial to learn to express one's genuine inner desires and regulate one's emotions. This entails, on the one hand, articulating the issues at hand and, on the other, demonstrating respect for the other person. The latter will foster a sense of respect in the other person, who will then be more open to making adjustments and understanding the partner with whom they share a relationship.

3. Live in peace and use wisdom to resolve problems. The ease with which one falls in love and the difficulty with which one gets along are two sides of the same coin. People are not clear about the present situation. They assume that being together is the end and that the relationship does not require effort. In fact, they are draining each other's emotional accounts. When the account is empty, the relationship will end. If one truly wants to be with someone, one must learn how to love and care for others for the rest of one's life. This kind of loving environment and creation will reduce problems, rather than creating an endless source of conflict between lovers.

Sincerely,

Hello! I'd like to extend a warm hug from afar. I sense your feelings of guilt and self-blame, as well as your desire to be accepted and understood.

It might be helpful to allow and accept your current emotional feelings of guilt and self-blame. This is a common emotional response when facing significant emotional loss. Do you think that blaming yourself and feeling guilty can help to ease the frustration, loss, panic and unease of being abandoned and unloved? You might like to try staying with your uncomfortable feelings of self-blame and guilt, experiencing them, feeling them, and becoming aware of what the hidden needs behind your emotional feelings are.

For instance, the desire to be accepted, understood, needed, and loved. When you can recognize and acknowledge your own uncomfortable emotional feelings and perceive the needs hidden behind them, you will be more accepting and understanding of your emotional feelings. This will enable you to find better ways to respond and satisfy your needs.

As an example, you might consider writing a love letter to your boyfriend to express your regret for the harm your actions have caused to him, to your relationship, and to yourself. You could express your sincere apologies and the fear, anxiety, guilt, and self-blame you felt when he left. At the same time, you could express your sincere feelings of love and support from him, and your deep love for him. You are willing to try to change with this love, but you hope to get his strong support. If he is willing, you will be very grateful, but you also respect his right to choose to say no.

It might be helpful to present this love letter in five parts: anger, sadness, fear, remorse, and love. This could assist you in better perceiving, experiencing, feeling, and sorting out your current painful emotional feelings through words. This could help you find ways and methods to better respond to your emotions. At the same time, it could also make the other person feel your sincerity and care for him and the relationship. It could guide him to reflect on what he has not done enough of and what he lacks in the relationship. This could help him grow, improve himself, and enhance his ability to manage intimate relationships.

It's understandable that you feel a range of emotions when you're around him. Having expectations of him might play a role in that. You feel safe and accepted in his presence, which allows you to show your truest, most vulnerable self to him. However, expressing emotions in this way requires the other person to have sufficient tolerance to give you the desired response and satisfaction in your expectations. Otherwise, it could potentially cause harm to yourself, the other person, and the relationship.

It might be helpful to consider that once you become aware of your emotions, you could try to tell your boyfriend directly what you want. This could include how you want to be treated, what kind of support you want from him, and what you specifically need him to do. It's possible that he might be able to respond to your needs accurately, as long as he is willing, because at this time he feels more of your needs, respect, rather than denial, blame, and dislike. What are your thoughts on this?

It is understandable that expressing your needs to others can be a daunting task. Having the courage and confidence to do so is essential. It is also important to be aware of your emotional feelings, accept them, and allow yourself to have these feelings. One way to do this is by keeping an emotional diary, talking about your feelings with close friends and family members, and seeking their emotional support, understanding, and acceptance.

If you could find a way to engage in a more constructive dialogue with your inner self through an emotional diary, writing a love letter to your boyfriend, sorting out your emotional feelings, identifying your own needs hidden behind those emotions, and then trying to actively give yourself a response and satisfaction through your own efforts, for example, by actively learning some knowledge of psychology to better grow yourself and heal your inner lack and deficiency, you may find that you are less troubled by emotions and more able to sincerely express emotions and needs in the relationship.

I hope that my sharing can be of some support and help to you.

I would like to extend my love and appreciation to the world and to you.

Dear questioner, I extend my support and encouragement through a gesture of physical affection.

I am grateful to have had the opportunity to engage with the subject matter of Yi Psychology.

I would like to express my gratitude to the original poster for their initiative in self-awareness, which has prompted the discussion of a topic that is of great importance: "How can a 25-year-old woman, who is prone to thinking in reverse, get out of the vicious circle?" After a thorough examination of the question the original poster is seeking to address, I have come to recognize their capacity for "repair and communication." It is possible that a more profound approach may yield a broader range of potential solutions.

In this context, I have also considered this topic and would like to present my reflections and thoughts for the questioner's reference.

The following section will present the specific situation described by the questioner and attempt to interpret and analyze it.

Let us first examine the particular circumstances delineated by the inquirer and endeavor to comprehend and evaluate them.

The previous relationship had a significant impact on me. I initiated the separation and subsequently expressed a desire to resume the relationship. We terminated the relationship two years ago and maintained communication for a period, but then ceased contact. I removed his contact information from my mobile device and subsequently questioned why I experienced such intense emotional reactions upon seeing him.

From the questioner's narrative, it can be seen that the questioner's awareness of his emotional fluctuations began with the previous relationship, and the dissolution and subsequent reformation of the relationship was also "dominated" by the questioner. Perhaps the reason we lose control of our emotions in relationships is that some of our inner needs/expectations or desires are not being met. We can specifically explore the "attachment patterns" and emotional management in our interpersonal/intimate relationships.

The decision to terminate the previous relationship prompted the questioner to experience an emotional state characterised by "separation anxiety," or alternatively, a fear of abandonment. This phenomenon may also originate from childhood experiences. In cases where the aforementioned emotional state is relatively mild and has not significantly impacted social functioning, it can be addressed through self-redemption. However, if the emotional state persists and is accompanied by other symptoms, it may necessitate professional intervention.

I have not contacted him for approximately one year, but I have discussed the matter on numerous occasions with various individuals. I have been addressing the same issue for an extended period. Additionally, I have undergone several counseling sessions, yet they have not yielded significant results.

Indeed, modifying one's mindset is not a process that can be completed in a short period of time. This is a universal truth, as our thinking and behavioral patterns have been shaped over the course of our lives by a multitude of factors. Consequently, it is only when a new cognitive framework and behavioral model replace the old ones that we can expect to alter our coping relationship patterns.

At the beginning of the year, I contacted the other person and discovered that he had already formed a romantic attachment with another individual. I extended my best wishes, but he did not respond. He also indicated that he was unlikely to marry his new partner. After I learned of his new relationship, I returned the money we had spent together, which amounted to a few thousand yuan, to him. My intention was to cease dwelling on our past interactions. However, I still experienced significant difficulty in doing so. Additionally, my parents continued to urge me to consider marriage.

From this account, it can be seen that despite the dissolution of the relationship, the two individuals continued to interact in a peaceful and amicable manner. Upon learning that the other person had formed a new romantic attachment, the questioner took the rational step of returning the expenses they had incurred together. The questioner's objective was to refrain from dwelling on the other person's positive attributes. It is possible that our emotional state may still evoke these memories from time to time. This is what the questioner refers to as "rumination thinking."

The persistence of emotional distress is attributable to the continued presence of internal conflict, contradiction, and confusion. When coupled with external pressure from parental figures to enter into marriage, and when there is a lack of establishment of a new intimate relationship, the result is a state of internal turmoil. On the one hand, there is a longing for the past, and on the other, there is a pervasive concern and anxiety about the future.

He is my ideal partner in every respect, and I am a slow-to-act individual when it comes to relationships. I am unsure how to extricate myself from this vicious cycle of rejection. I consistently find myself falling into it. If only I had acted differently, would the outcome have been different? If only I had provided him with what he wanted, would things have been better?

During the process of introspection, one may also gain a deeper understanding of themselves and their actions. They may become less inclined to act on impulse. However, this introspection can be challenging.

The questioner was able to discern, through the dissolution of the previous relationship, that they exhibited characteristics of a "slow burner" in intimate relationships. This represents a notable degree of self-awareness and an understanding of their role in relationships. It will serve as a constructive reminder in future relationships.

The questioner has fallen into a "rumination cycle" due to an underlying fear of "separation anxiety," which manifests as a reluctance to accept the reality of the separation. This avoidance behavior manifests as self-blame, guilt, and regret, which are often projected onto external factors. It is possible that the fear of experiencing the "loss/loneliness/anxiety/fear..." associated with the dissolution of a relationship is so profound that it becomes difficult to confront. This avoidance behavior can be attributed to an inability to face the consequences of our actions and bear the associated responsibilities. It is essential to recognize that we must eventually confront the consequences of our choices to take ownership of our lives. This is a crucial aspect that requires our attention.

To overcome the tendency to ruminate, it is essential to engage in self-reflection and endeavor to supplant established coping mechanisms with more adaptive ones. This represents a pivotal skill that must be acquired and mastered following the dissolution of a relationship. In order to more effectively navigate the typical separation associated with interpersonal relationships, it can be argued that the dissolution of the most recent relationship offers a unique opportunity for personal growth and restructuring.

It is a valuable psychological process to utilize a period of distress as an opportunity to identify and address the underlying issues that require attention. What are your thoughts on this matter?

In response to the actual description of the questioner, in conjunction with the questioner's self-reflection and awareness, an effective approach to extricating oneself from the "rumination" cycle may be to address the issue in the following manner:

[1] It is recommended that one accept all past occurrences and gradually comprehend the intricacies of thought processes and behaviors, such as rumination.

The dissolution of the relationship allows for the identification of patterns in the process of forming and ending interpersonal relationships, thereby creating an opportunity for self-reflection. This period represents a unique opportunity for personal growth and understanding.

[2] The term "rumination" is used to describe a repetitive pattern of thinking that can be considered "compulsive." In order to interrupt this pattern, it is necessary to take a moment to focus on one's feelings and shift away from the tendency to ruminate. Currently, the most effective approach to addressing rumination in a psychological context is to shift one's attention.

It is recommended that the individual focus on themselves and concentrate on doing things that interest them. After all, "thinking is the problem; only doing can lead to new answers."

[3] Attempt to adopt a novel mode of thought and alter your perspective on past occurrences. One approach is to view the past as an impartial observer. The past is already history, and dwelling on it will only cause distress. Overthinking it will become a self-defeating and futile mode of thought. Then, view the past as an observer, redefine and clarify the value and meaning of not mentally consuming the present, recognize the value of living in the present, find the strength of the present self and the beautiful blueprint of living, persevere, and believe that you can rewrite the past.

[4] One must forgive oneself and accept one's imperfect self, while making favorable assumptions.

Ruminative thinking typically manifests when an individual is excessively self-critical, dwelling on past mistakes and attributing blame to their past selves.

[5] In conclusion, the core essentials for rewriting our "rumination thinking" are accepting pain, clarifying values, living in the present, and perseverance. These can be effectively addressed with the guidance of a professional teacher. Two recommended resources are "Truth and Illusion" and "Becoming a Better Version of Yourself After a Breakup." Additionally, the article "Breaking Up Is Not Scary, Loving Yourself Is the Key" provides valuable insights for those seeking further guidance.

In conclusion, it can be stated that the aforementioned elements are essential for the rewriting of our "rumination thinking." It is recommended that these elements be explored with the assistance of a professional teacher. In this regard, it is suggested that the following books be consulted: "Truth and Illusion" and "Becoming a Better Version of Yourself After a Breakup." Additionally, the article "Breaking Up Is Not Scary, Loving Yourself Is the Key" is also recommended for further reading on this topic.

The above represents a synthesis of the questioner's inquiry. It is offered as a personal perspective and is intended to facilitate further discourse and encourage critical thinking. It is also hoped that it will provide inspiration and assistance to the questioner. Further, it is encouraged that more comprehensive exchanges be undertaken. It is ultimately hoped that the questioner will soon move beyond ruminative thinking and embrace a more present and positive outlook.

The preceding text is a response that combines the questioner's question. It can be regarded as my personal opinion. I hope it will stimulate further discussion and lead to more thinking. I also hope it will inspire and help the questioner. I welcome

I am a source of positive energy, a beacon of hope, and I extend my deepest love and affection to you.

It would be advisable to offer the original poster a supportive gesture from a distance.

The questioner's description is as follows:

The act of breaking up and subsequently getting back together is something I have engaged in on multiple occasions. Following these experiences, I proceeded to identify and address my own personal issues. However, several counseling sessions proved ineffective. At the beginning of the year, I reached out to the other individual and discovered that he had already formed a romantic attachment with another person. He embodies the qualities I find appealing. I tend to take a gradual approach in the development of romantic relationships. In hindsight, would my actions at the beginning of the relationship have yielded a different outcome? Would the situation have been more favorable if I had provided the other individual with what he desired?

A word to the questioner

It is beneficial that the questioner is able to summarize and reflect in this manner, as it facilitates learning and personal growth within the context of a relationship.

It is challenging to exert control over the behavior of others, and maintaining rationality in a relationship is also difficult. There are always underlying issues that resurface in relationships, which provides an opportunity for self-evaluation.

Conversely, the questioner's current reflections are predominantly focused on external factors, with minimal introspection into the underlying causes of their own behavior and reactions. It is unlikely that short-term psychological counseling will provide a solution, given the questioner's apparent lack of readiness to address the underlying issues within the relationship. Psychological counseling cannot solve problems on its own; rather, it can serve as a tool to facilitate the process of self-discovery and action.

This is also a topic that the original poster must address.

It is hoped that the questioner will be able to forgive himself in the near future, thus enabling him to become the best version of himself.