A 27-year-old woman, why does she dislike herself for thinking about what others might think when doing things?

From the original poster's words, it seems there are many thoughts and feelings about other people's interactions. Some of these feelings may be imagined conversations with others, such as what was posted and what was said. The original poster may also imagine the people they see and what kind of attitude they might have. These attitudes could potentially lead to feelings of self-doubt and even self-hatred. It's also possible that these feelings may manifest as anger towards oneself, which can be uncomfortable for others. It's worth considering whether the original poster treats themselves in a similar way.

It is also possible that you may feel negative emotions such as hatred or anger towards yourself due to your gender, as if you have experienced such feelings on numerous occasions.

Perhaps we could consider this aspect as well? It's actually quite beneficial. When we reflect on ourselves and gain self-awareness, we often have an inner helper who is always there to help us see what kind of person we are, what kind of person we want to be, how we see ourselves, how others see us, and there will be a lot of curiosity, which is quite good, because it is often an important way to enhance a sense of self-autonomy, and to be able to communicate with others more and more convinced of what kind of communication we want, what kind of person we want to be with, and thus manage our lives.

On the other hand, these feelings are focused on the less positive aspects, which can mean over-reflection, i.e. our inner helper is being overly critical, he is not very satisfied with and fond of me. This often leads to feelings that people outside don't like me either, which in turn leads to relationship tension.

It is not uncommon for couples to have differing opinions and express their disagreement with each other. This can lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings. It is important to recognize that these differences do not necessarily reflect a personal dislike or animosity. They may stem from differing perspectives or a lack of communication. If we frequently dwell on these thoughts or feelings, it can hinder our ability to form close relationships, particularly those of a romantic nature. It can also make it challenging to envision a future where we can find happiness in a long-term partnership. This can lead to feelings of frustration and isolation. It is essential to approach these situations with understanding and compassion. Recognizing that our differences do not necessarily reflect personal dislike or animosity can help us move forward with greater understanding and respect.

It can feel like we're caught in a cycle that's hard to break.

It is beneficial to be able to reflect on oneself. However, this raises the question of how this can help us achieve happiness and contentment, and to form and maintain relationships with others who like us back. This may require us to make more effort, and it also includes the suggestion that we sometimes need to pay less attention to this inner helper, but instead try, deal with relationships, and interact with others. This approach may involve some risk, and we may be unconsciously affected by these inner experiences. If this situation always leads to similar results, then perhaps we can consider trying this in a counseling environment. The experience of counseling often involves paying more attention to how our unperceived inner thoughts and feelings affect our communication, and a process of dialogue with myself and my inner helper, so as to find what is more conducive to my own sense of satisfaction and happiness.

Hello question asker, I'm honored to answer your question.

I hug you from afar and feel your pain.

You think others will always dislike you, so you hate yourself. You can't stop thinking this.

I don't know what you've been through, but I want to hug you.

The word "hate" appears many times in your description. This seems to be a judgment on yourself. Judgments mean there are two sides to a story. If you hate yourself, you must like and aspire to something else.

About self-evaluation

People are all-powerful narcissists during infancy. This gives them self-confidence. As they grow up, they become more objective. They evaluate themselves based on their abilities and interactions with others.

Our parents' feedback affects our self-perception. If they give us positive feedback, we feel good about ourselves. If they give us criticism, we feel bad about ourselves.

Ask yourself when you started feeling this way and why. Who or what made you feel and evaluate in a similar way?

If the family is involved, see a counselor. If it's a self-assessment, find out why you feel inferior.

☞Inferiority complex

"Inferiority complex" means feeling inferior. Everyone feels inferior sometimes, and it helps us grow.

Everyone has a different "subjective perception" of their sense of inferiority. When faced with a difficult task, some people think they are not capable, some think the task was too difficult, and some think they have done their best.

Adler said, "It's not what happened, but how you think about it."

☞ Solution

To complete this part of the life task, we need to:

First, try to change how you think.

Second, ask friends and colleagues for feedback.

Third, accept yourself as you are. Everyone is imperfect. I recommend reading the book "The Courage to Be Disliked."

The above is just my opinion. I hope it helps and inspires you.

Thanks!

Hello, I'm Flower!

From the questioner's words, I can feel the questioner's self-reproach. But there's no need to worry! Let's get to know ourselves a little better and try to see things from more perspectives.

And we can even hate ourselves for being incompetent when we encounter something difficult or can't do it well!

In fact, that's perfectly okay! We can be imperfect.

There is so much to do! And while we can't do everything perfectly, we can still do a lot of things really well. There are also many difficult things, and not getting them done doesn't mean we are incompetent.

Try this: when you encounter something difficult, turn your focus to what you've already done. You'll be amazed at how rewarding it is! I highly recommend the book "I'm Really Great."

Absolutely! We should tell ourselves to do what we can, not make things difficult for ourselves, and give ourselves more time and opportunities to complete those things we have not yet done.

I'll just complain on Weibo, thinking that others may think I'm negative, selfish, and petty, and I'll hate myself too!

Everyone has multiple facets, and that's a wonderful thing! We all have shortcomings, but that's okay because we're all human.

Venting on Weibo is a great way to let out our negative emotions! It doesn't make us negative or selfish. We all have positive and negative sides.

Guess what! You can't force yourself to be a positive little machine either. It's also a great idea to stop every now and then and release those unhappy emotions. And you can have a negative side too!

When doing anything, we always anticipate how others will perceive it. And you know what? Someone will definitely have a bad opinion, and we'll start to hate ourselves. But here's the thing: even this self that is always concerned about what others think hates itself.

It's time to evaluate yourself in a comprehensive way!

Our self-assessment comes from others or from ourselves. People's assessments of others are not always comprehensive, and they often only see one point. But that's okay! We can still find out what we need to know.

This also means that we get to have a more objective and comprehensive understanding of ourselves. We can choose to allow ourselves to care about what others think, or we can choose not to care about what others think.

At this time, it's important to accept this state of mind and remind yourself that it's okay to be like this. And there's more! You can also increase your self-identity by finding your own strengths.

It's time to discover your amazing strengths! Think about your appearance, interpersonal skills, hobbies and interests, personality, abilities, and more. Write them all down and celebrate yourself for being absolutely incredible!

I've got a few more books for you! Check out The Power of Self-Care, Less Perfect, More Beautiful, and Allow Yourself: Meeting the Complete Self. You'll find lots more strength in these books! Believe in the power of self-growth and have a nice day!

Dear questioner,

I am Sunshine, hugging you! I am grateful to have met you on Yixinli!

I'm grateful to the questioner for bringing up self-awareness: "Why do 27-year-old girls hate themselves when they anticipate how others will perceive them?"

Is there a lot of helplessness in this kind of awareness? It's related to our growth experiences, environment, and primary caregivers.

The questioner is now aware and seeking help, which creates possibilities for change.

I've thought about this a lot and I'm happy to share my thoughts with you.

Let's sort out the situation and understand it.

When I fail at something, I hate myself. When I vent on Weibo, I hate myself because I think others will think I'm negative, selfish, and petty. I hate myself for being a girl. I hate myself for making the wrong choice. I always anticipate what other people will think. I hate this self that always cares about what other people think.

From the original poster's story, I learned that they:

[1] When I can't do difficult tasks, I feel bad about myself. Is this something I learned as a child?

Do you vent on Weibo? Do you care what others think?

[3] The questioner hates being a girl. Is this because her family dislikes her? Or is it something else?

[4] Making the wrong choice is normal. Nobody is perfect, and we make mistakes.

[5] We worry about doing things and care about what others think because we were taught to be sensitive, inferior, and lacking in confidence.

?

Let's get to know ourselves, accept ourselves, and learn to change.

First, accept your experiences and understand your current self-awareness.

[1] Your current self-perception may be related to your upbringing.

[2] Maybe our parents also had their own problems and didn't know how to be parents. They encouraged us less and criticized and hit us more. Over time, we learned to give up and became unconfident.

When we grow up and are treated unkindly or judged by others, it triggers our past experiences and we fall into a mode of self-negation.

Do we care too much about what others think? Before doing anything, we imagine others will judge us negatively.

If I do this, will people think I'm stupid? If I say this, will people think I'm ignorant? When we feel bad about ourselves, we think others dislike us. Believing images as facts forms "cognitive fusion," which leads to "self-denial."

Here's how we can deal with this:

First, accept yourself, including your dislikes.

You can't change what happened in the past, but you can accept it and start motivating yourself.

If we accept our flaws, we'll stop focusing on them and start focusing on our strengths. The questioner has his own strengths. Find them and write them down to motivate yourself.

Second, learn to not care too much about what others think of you and to evaluate yourself.

If we care too much about the outcome, we think too much. This stops us from making progress and makes us think badly of ourselves.

This means we have to stop letting our thoughts control us. When we see words and images, not facts, we just need to look without judging.

We are the only ones who care about our behavior and performance. Think about it: the general public won't pay attention to one person for a long time.

Just be yourself, treat others and yourself well, and you'll be fine.

Third, compare yourself with yourself. You may not have made progress, but try to affirm and encourage yourself. Seeing even the slightest progress will help you continue to do so and grow your self-confidence.

Fourth, read to find resources and practice developing a self-empowering mindset.

You can read books like "Low Self-Esteem and Transcendence," "High Sensitivity is a Gift," "Meeting the Unknown Self," "Seeing the Growing Self," and "Loving Yourself Back." You can also find a professional counselor to help you grow.

The above is my response to the question. It's just my opinion. I hope it will lead to more discussion and thinking. I also hope it will help the questioner. I welcome more in-depth exchanges. I pray that the questioner will know themselves again and enjoy life.

I love you! ??

Good morning, host. Let us begin with a brief embrace.

From your description, it can be surmised that you harbor negative sentiments toward yourself and are fearful of being disliked by others. You experience significant distress and despondency as a result of this self-loathing.

I previously experienced a similar sense of self-loathing. However, through a process of learning and healing, I gradually came to see myself as I am.

You have indicated that you experience hatred of yourself when you are unable to perform a task adequately. Therefore, it may be assumed that this hatred is a consequence of your perception of yourself as incompetent and your feelings of inadequacy.

If one is to be considered incompetent, it would be reasonable to inquire as to whether the individual in question has considered the numerous tasks they have completed that many others are unable to perform. It would also be prudent to ascertain whether the individual in question truly feels incompetent.

You indicate that when you attempt to express your emotions on Weibo, you are concerned that others may perceive you as negative, selfish, and petty. Consequently, it would be beneficial to ascertain whether you genuinely experience these emotions in real life. Additionally, it would be insightful to determine whether anyone in your immediate vicinity has made such assertions about you.

One must inquire whether these statements are, in fact, accurate.

You have indicated that you harbor negative sentiments toward your gender identity. Could you elaborate on the reasons behind this sentiment? Is there a particular aspect of your female identity that you find disagreeable?

From whom have you received the impression that being a girl is disadvantageous? What experiences have contributed to this perception?

Could you please elaborate on the circumstances that led to this perception? What were the specific statements made by your parents that contributed to this sentiment?

What did a friend say that led you to believe that you should not identify as a girl?

All phenomena have a cause. If the cause is a childhood trauma, it is essential to be aware of it and to seek healing. Girls are to be admired.

It is a common misconception that boys are inherently stronger than girls. This belief may stem from the assumption that if one were to identify as a boy, they would possess greater physical prowess.

Indeed, you have already observed this phenomenon, as you are aware that you habitually anticipate how others perceive you.

Furthermore, the individual is perpetually concerned about the opinions of others. However, there is a simultaneous recognition of the aversion to this aspect of oneself.

In this way, the individual becomes trapped in a vicious cycle and unable to extricate themselves.

In individuals with a significant deficit in self-security and self-worth, these behaviors manifest. The underlying desire is for external validation, praise, and the perception of being exceptional.

It can be reasonably deduced that the establishment of a sense of security begins at a young age. It is unclear what experiences the subject in question had during their childhood. However, it can be postulated that if a child is belittled, suppressed, and denied by their parents, they will grow up with a low sense of security and self-worth.

The individual in question is, in fact, brimming with resentment, yet lacks the capacity to retaliate. As they mature, their efforts to resist only serve to reinforce this disposition.

Despite a lack of self-worth, there is an inherent desire for recognition. The desire to be acknowledged for one's efforts and abilities is strong.

The more one cares, the more one fears, and the more one hates.

It is possible that other factors may be involved.

It is recommended that you seek the assistance of a qualified mental health professional to facilitate healing and enhance your sense of security and self-worth.

It is imperative to recognize one's capabilities and cultivate self-assurance. When one possesses self-assurance, it becomes less important to prioritize the opinions of others.

It is imperative to love oneself well. One must recognize that they are capable of making their own choices and taking responsibility for their actions. It is crucial to understand that one deserves all the positive aspects of life.

One must rediscover one's true self in order to realize one's potential and achieve personal fulfillment. While flowers attract butterflies, one should not seek external validation but rather focus on one's own growth and development.

I am a passionate wave, and I love the world.