A good mother-in-law in front of outsiders, but reveals her true colors at home?

Good afternoon!

From what you've told me, I can see you're feeling pretty worn out. I know a lot of women who are going through something similar, whether it's with their mothers-in-law, fathers-in-law, or sisters-in-law.

I'm happy you've decided to seek outside help and advice. I've put together a few suggestions on how we can tackle your problems, and I hope they'll be useful.

First, figure out who the key players are.

To resolve the issues between you and your mother-in-law, your husband is the key person to involve.

You need to find out what your husband's thinking. Other mature husbands think you're being petty. You need to have a good talk with your husband and tell him how you really feel now.

It's not that you're being petty, but you're suffering from this. Give some examples, such as some women she respects, and your daughter. Ask him to put himself in your shoes and consider how you feel.

When you're communicating, it's important to stay calm and clearly state your views. Let her know that your goal is to have your family live in harmony and happiness. You can make some changes to achieve this, and hopefully your family will work together to make it happen.

If your husband still doesn't agree with you, we'll have to find another way. Women can't be too high-profile or too humble. Otherwise, you'll be in a tough spot, and no one can save you.

Secondly, regarding your mother-in-law:

As a general rule, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law isn't great. These issues shouldn't be the first things on your list. It'd be better to figure out the real problem. Is it because you don't want to take care of the child, or because you had a disagreement before? Is that something you don't care about, but she does?

If you find a problem, you should still sit down and talk to him about it. Find an intermediary who has some status, like your father-in-law. Remember, the point of talking is to find a solution, not to create more problems. If he's not willing to talk, we need to find another way.

My family also had to deal with similar issues. I wanted to sit down with them and discuss the matter to see what changes each person could make. However, no one was willing to do so, so I had to use other methods.

For instance, focus on your career; let him handle all the household tasks, give him some pocket money each month, and you focus on doing your job well. For instance, set some goals for yourself to improve yourself next year, learn some new skills, or something more ambitious, but nothing too complex.

It's all good. Basically, don't make your life all about your family. When you do, you'll get bogged down in all kinds of trivial stuff.

Third, let's talk about you.

Your child is growing up slowly, and you have to leave him in your mother-in-law's care while you go out to find a job. It's just like earning a few thousand yuan a month. It's okay if you have your own source of income.

If you leave the kids with him, he'll see how hard you've worked and will want you to come back and help share the load. Then you can share your views, divide up the work, and talk about how to live together peacefully.

If you're feeling aggrieved, it's important to let everyone know. Don't keep it to yourself, as others may not be aware. Repeating the same thing over and over won't help.

Endless patience won't help. Stand up for yourself when the time is right.

I really do hope that everyone can understand each other, but in reality, this is often not the case. Sometimes I treat these problems as if they were someone else's problems and discuss them with my husband.

Take a step back and look at the situation from a neutral point of view. It might not be the most satisfying way to approach things at first, but it can help you to see things more clearly.

When you're feeling down, do the things you want to do and enjoy yourself, but don't go overboard.