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By Anonymous | Published on December 18, 2024
Hello! I'd like to give you a warm hug from afar first.
I'm grateful you reached out and hope my input can be helpful.
From what you've said, it seems like you have a strong desire to be accepted, loved, supported, and comforted. These needs are probably not being met in your life, and you may not even realize it. This makes it challenging for you to try to meet your own needs through your own efforts first, and you may often look to others in a relationship to do so.
However, only you know yourself best, and only you are responsible for responding to and meeting your own needs. So, it's important to try to meet your own needs and expectations through your own efforts. When you're aware of this, you should try to respond to and satisfy yourself through your own active growth.
When you're longing for others to respond to you with an extreme sense of inner deprivation, you're only focused on whether this person can respond to your inner needs. But you lack a comprehensive, objective, and rational evaluation and understanding of this person, which makes you vulnerable to being hurt in your interactions with others. What do you think?
So, treat yourself the way you want to be treated in a relationship. Heal your early wounds by reading some psychology books. Only when you can love from the inside out with true abundance and welcome—that is, when you can respond to yourself with the love you long to receive—will you not be easily hurt by others.
I'm Lily, the little ear of the Q&A Museum. The world and I love you.
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I can't help but reflect on those days, the sophomore year when everything felt so heavy and his presence was like a light. He had this ability to listen, even if he didn't always respond, and that was enough for me to keep going.
It's funny how we sometimes hold onto things or people who don't seem to offer much in return. I poured out my heart through letters and messages, only to receive silence as a response. It's hard not to question if it was all worth it, whether he was ever the right person for me.
Looking back, maybe what I needed wasn't someone to reply to every message but someone who could understand without words. That period of sending countless letters and getting no answers taught me about onesided affection and the importance of selfcare.
The counselor's advice struck a chord with me. It made me realize that sometimes we have to let go of expectations. Sending a letter without waiting for a reply is an act of freeing oneself from the need for validation. It's about expressing and moving on.
His proposal at the hotel caught me off guard; it felt more like a formality than genuine interest. After all those dates, it became clear that neither of us was really looking for the same thing. Now, as I approach 30, his occasional inquiries about my relationship status seem almost comical.