A new year has begun, and I really hope that life will be a little different in the future.

Hello! I just wanted to send you a big hug for making it through 2022. I know it's been a tough year for everyone, especially for you who haven't received the emotional support you needed from your family. Home is always a person's refuge, so you don't have to face this alone. Even if it's difficult, you're not fighting this battle alone.

What are your thoughts on this?

Some people are lucky enough to heal their whole life with their childhood, while others are unfortunate enough to heal their childhood with their whole life. This means that we have to admit that family and family members are also the places that hurt us the most.

We can't choose our family of origin or our parents, so the best we can do is try to accept them better. Accepting yourself means having a difficult family of origin and accepting yourself means having parents who can't love you and even hurt you. But as long as we're aware of this part of ourselves and willing to actively cut off this part of the trauma of our family of origin through our own efforts, the harm done to us by our family of origin and parents will stop and won't always be with us.

From what you've said, it's clear that you're really struggling to accept the harm done to you by your parents and your original family during your growth process. This part of the trauma is too painful for you, so you unintentionally want to avoid experiencing and facing it. But trauma must be faced, accepted and responded to, otherwise it may always be with you.

If you're dealing with wounds from your family and parents, you might want to try writing them down. Or you could write a letter to your parents, telling them how they hurt you and expressing your deep inner grievances, anger, and how you want to be treated. This can help you make your trauma visible, express it, and respond to it. It can also help you learn to accept your own trauma. What do you think?

You've got to be able to face your trauma head-on and accept it if you want to devote more energy to learning to change yourself and heal. That means learning to treat yourself the way you want to be treated and caring for yourself.

I suggest you read Overcoming the Mountain in Your Heart and Light Healing.

I'm Lily, the little ear of the Q&A Museum. The world and I love you.

Greetings, question asker.

I am a heart exploration coach and a bibliophile.

A review of your expectations and thoughts for the new year indicates a strong desire to move on from your past life and embrace a new one.

In the new year, everyone has the right to aspire to a new life, and you are no exception. It is imperative to have confidence in oneself and to exert the requisite effort to transform one's thoughts into actions. This will undoubtedly facilitate the realization of one's desired lifestyle.

In what ways might this year be different?

1. Examine the past in a rational manner, utilize the potential of self-transformation, and identify resources and breakthroughs that can be derived from it.

From your description, it is evident that you have some degree of dissatisfaction with the past 26 years and certain aspects of your birth family that require communication. You express a desire to

It is necessary to say a complete goodbye to the past and completely get rid of the 26-year mental shackles that my original family has put on me.

It seems reasonable to posit that something must have occurred that was challenging for you to accept or process. Nevertheless, your ability to recognize its detrimental impact on your life today indicates that you are progressing in your recovery.

It is my hope that you will be able to assist yourself in the dissolution of this particular aspect of your emotional state through the utilisation of techniques such as written expression, active listening, or psychological counselling.

It is beneficial to have a clear understanding of the implications of one's past experiences. By discerning which aspects are within one's control and which are beyond one's capacity to alter, individuals can

Only then can we courageously assume our share of responsibility and, at the same time, shed the burdens that do not belong to us.

Furthermore, just as there is a distinction between day and night, there is no such thing as a perfect family of origin. It is important to take stock of the resources that have been gained from one's family of origin.

This resource may manifest as the capacity for independent living, a high degree of introspective reflection, or an inherent resilience.

I will use my own experience as an example. Having been raised as a left-behind child resulted in a lack of parental care, yet I also developed highly effective self-care skills. Throughout my upbringing, I was able to care for myself and those around me in a variety of settings.

Therefore, it is erroneous to assume that all beginnings are devoid of precedent. When an individual is able to engage in a rational examination of their past experiences, exert the power of self-transformation, and identify their own distinctive resources and breakthroughs derived from said experiences, it is this author's belief that such an individual will be better positioned to achieve the future they desire.

The process of change begins with an analysis of one's capabilities and a recognition of the potential for transformation within one's daily life.

In the new year, we are all afforded a new lease on life. However, one might inquire as to the precise location of this new year.

It is present in each day, analogous to the fact that today is New Year's Day, the inaugural day of the new year. Have you already initiated a new creation?

In his book, 5% Change, Li Songwei makes the following observation:

The aspiration for a complete transformation may be the very reason for the impasse. Instead, it would be more beneficial to focus on incremental improvements, aiming for a 5% increase in performance. To overcome inertia and emerge from a rut, it is essential to take prompt and decisive action.

In other words, significant changes rarely occur abruptly, and we tend to anticipate them. This often results in delays.

The initial step in effecting significant alterations is to commence with the minor actions that can be performed, commencing with one's daily routine. It is advised that you peruse this publication by Li Shu.

The aspiration to embark on a transformative journey in the new year is a laudable and ambitious one. It is my sincere hope that you can integrate this aspiration into your daily actions, ensuring that, after 365 days, it becomes a tangible reality.

In terms of my own objectives, I aspire to enhance my abilities in the domain of stir-frying. To that end, I initiated an educational program and implemented modifications to my Chinese lunch and dinner regimen on the present date.

I acquired the knowledge to prepare fried Chinese kale with Chinese sausage and to make tofu casserole, and I documented my findings with photographic evidence.

This modest alteration has provided me with a novel experience in the process of learning to cook. Despite not yet attaining the status of a chef, I can discern a notable distinction between my current and previous circumstances. I am confident that through sustained learning and practice, I will eventually be able to prepare home-cooked meals that meet my satisfaction standards.

It is my conviction that at the age of 26, you are capable of engineering a life that aligns with your aspirations. You are entitled to a superior quality of life. Cultivate knowledge, cultivate love, and enhance your own happiness and beauty. Make your world a more optimal place because of you!

I hope my answer helps you.

Your expectations will definitely come true. Our family of origin does not determine our future. We can have a brand new life and transcend the shackles of the past. You deserve a beautiful life, and you will live the good life you desire.

Read the book Rebuilding Your Life. The author had a difficult childhood and her family brought her a lot of unfortunate experiences. She overcame them and lived a wonderful life, became a loving, happy person, and contributed great strength to human society.

Now, let's examine the tumultuous life of Louise Hay, author of "The Healing Power of Your Thoughts."

Her parents divorced when she was one and a half years old, and her mother remarried.

Her parents divorced when she was one and a half years old, and her mother remarried.

She was sexually assaulted by an alcoholic neighbor when she was just five years old.

At 16, she had a daughter out of wedlock and left home to become a model in New York.

At 28, she married an English gentleman, convinced she'd live happily ever after. Fourteen years later, he abandoned her.

When she was deeply shocked, a chance encounter changed her life. She went to a lecture at a church. At the age of 40, she became interested in spiritual courses and psychological rehabilitation and devoted all her energy to them. She obtained the qualification to work in psychology through her efforts.

Due to childhood sexual abuse and an abortion in her teens, she was suffering from cancer of the reproductive system at the age of 52.

But she refused to accept defeat. By embracing a holistic healing philosophy, challenging her negative thought patterns, and prioritizing physical and mental health, she vanquished cancer in just six months.

She continued to work on spiritual growth until she passed away peacefully at the age of 91.

Louise Hay's real-life experience proves this truth: no matter how bad our family of origin was, no matter how unfortunate our childhood was, we can rebuild ourselves in the present moment, embrace a good life, and realize our self-worth.

Louise Hay's real-life experience proves this: no matter how bad our family of origin was, no matter how unfortunate our childhood was, we can rebuild ourselves in the present moment, embrace a good life, and realize our self-worth.

I'll tell you how.

You can change your thoughts. Choose positive thoughts and see the beauty of the world.

Louise L. Hay is certain that no matter what problems we have, the root of the problem must come from our thoughts. It is the thoughts we "choose" to think that create our experiences. Our "thoughts" can be changed. Since we can choose, we must choose positive thoughts and choose to see the world in a more beautiful way.

A person's low self-esteem is a direct reflection of the thought that they hate and loathe themselves. This thought creates a feeling, and we get lost in it.

If he doesn't have this thought, he won't feel this way. Change the thought of hating yourself, and this negative emotion will leave.

We often believe our own ideas to be true. This is a core belief in cognitive behavioral therapy. Our ideas are not who we are. We are the masters of our minds. We can change our thoughts, abandon old ideas, and control our brains by choosing positive thoughts. We can form an alliance with our strength and change the way we evaluate ourselves.

The world only accepts our own assessment of ourselves. If you believe that life is lonely and no one loves you, your world will be lonely and unloved because you are hiding in the shadows. The sun cannot shine on you.

The world only accepts our own assessment of ourselves. If you believe that life is lonely and no one loves you, your world will be lonely and unloved because you are hiding in the shadows. The sun cannot shine on you.

If you are willing to abandon this old way of thinking, to let go of this limiting belief, to believe that "there is love everywhere, people love you, and you love others," and to firmly believe in this new belief, then this will be your world. You will find lovely people coming into your life, and the people who were already in your life will become even lovelier. You will find it easier to express your love for others.

You will grow where you focus your attention.

In recent years, through the study of psychology, I have established many positive beliefs and thoughts. I have found that when your beliefs and thoughts change, your attention is focused on the positive and beautiful things. This naturally leads to a more positive outlook and a deeper appreciation for the beauty of the world.

2. Change starts right now.

We often regret and doubt, thinking that if only we could do this or that, if only that thing had not happened.

Louise Hay tells us with conviction: Don't let the past affect you, no matter how negative and painful it was. The past is over.

All the events we experience in our lives are caused by our past thoughts and beliefs. But that is our past—it is over and done with.

We cannot change the past, even if we regret, doubt, and suffer. What we can do is choose our thoughts, beliefs, words, and actions in the present moment. Because our current thoughts and actions will create our future, and this is something we can change.

The past has no power over us. The present is our source of strength and the part we control because it forms our experiences for tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, and beyond.

The past has no power over us. The present is our source of strength and the part we control because it forms our experiences, both immediate and future.

The best time to plant a tree was ten years ago. The second best time is now.

The best time to plant a tree was ten years ago. The second best time is now.

Pay attention to what you are thinking at this moment. Is it positive or negative?

Make your current ideals a reality in the future and make a difference in your life. Seize the present and choose positive beliefs and change, starting now!

3. You can and should reconcile with your family of origin and forgive others.

3. You can and should reconcile with your family of origin and forgive others.

I used to resent someone very much. Just thinking about her made me very angry and painful. I was going to stop dwelling on it and stop letting it consume my time and energy.

I have realized that when I resent her, I get stuck myself. Resentment does not solve my problems. Instead, every time I encounter her or anything related to her, I lose my inner peace. This has a very big impact on my psychological state. It even affects the efficiency of my work and studies. When I am in the middle of emotions, I cannot work efficiently.

Later, I learned that when our progress stalls, we must forgive more. If we feel that life is not going well, it means we are still immersed in past moments, perhaps past regrets, grief, injuries, fears, and so on.

Later, I learned that when our progress stalls, we must forgive more. If we feel that life is not going well, it means we are still immersed in the past. This is often caused by past remorse, grief, hurt, fear, guilt, blame, anger, resentment, and a refusal to let go of the past and enter the present.

I followed the "resolving resentment" exercise in the book and stood in her shoes. I felt for her, understood her previous behavior, and eliminated my resentment. I forgave her for the harm she had done to me. My heart felt lighter. I realized that the universe is big enough to accommodate all of us. Forgiving others frees us from pain and resentment.

The following is an exercise for "dissolving resentment" mentioned in the book. This "dissolving resentment" exercise can be practiced with different objects, including your parents and other family members and friends. Do this exercise every day to eliminate resentment and gain inner relaxation and freedom.

You can do this.

Start by closing your eyes and imagining you are sitting in a dark theater with a small stage illuminated by a spotlight.

Start by closing your eyes and imagining you are sitting in a dark theater with a small stage illuminated by a spotlight.

The person you resent is on this stage, in the spotlight, and he is the only actor in the entire theater. You watch the spotlight shine on him and imagine something good happening to this person. He is happy, very happy.

Let this scene continue for a few minutes, and then slowly fade out.

Next, you move on to the second scene. After the person disappears from the stage, you step into the spotlight. The theater is now just you. You see that many good things have happened to you, and you see yourself smiling and happy.

You can simultaneously perceive that the person you resent is also happy, and you are also happy.

You must change yourself if you want to change others. Change your paradigm and you will see that "they" are different too.

4. Your body knows the answer. Listen to it.

Louise Hay is certain that we create what we call illness. The body, like everything else in life, is a reflection of your inner thoughts and beliefs.

Have you ever talked to your body? In fact, every cell in your body reacts to what you think in your head and to every word you say.

You should talk to your body. Every cell in your body reacts to what you think in your mind and to every word you say.

Our constant mode of thinking determines our body movements and posture, and thus our health. People who are always frowning certainly cannot experience how happy it is to have happy thoughts.

An old Chinese saying says it all: "The appearance is determined by the heart." Your mood and thoughts affect the way you look. Some emotions may not be noticed by ourselves, but the body will always give feedback.

Our feelings are inextricably linked to our bodies. It is a simple fact that joy and pain are always accompanied by physical sensations.

In the 14th chapter of "Life Reconstruction," Louise L. Hay lists the thought patterns that lead to physical illness and offers new thought patterns and declarations to heal these illnesses. While not every thought pattern can be applied to every individual 100%, it provides insight into the psychological causes of illness.

Back pain is caused by the feeling that life is hard to bear. The new way of thinking that replaces this is that I know life always supports me. Menstrual pain is caused by anger with oneself, hatred of the body or of women. The new way of thinking that replaces this is that I love my body, I love myself, I love the cycles in my life, everything is fine. If you are interested, you can read chapters 14 and 15 in detail.

Listen to your body with love, return to your feelings, delve into your subconscious, and open up a channel between mind and body. Live your most authentic self and naturally live a brand new self.

5. Love yourself, accept yourself, and find the value of life.

The past is the past. It's not your parents' fault. They couldn't teach you what they didn't know. If your parents didn't know how to love themselves, they couldn't teach you to love yourself.

But that's okay. Many people don't know how to love and accept themselves naturally. They can learn and practice until they do. In fact, loving yourself is an ability that can be cultivated.

Loving and approving of yourself creates a safe space. Trust, value, and recognition will work together in your mind, creating more loving relationships in your life, leading to a better work and living environment, and even your weight will return to normal.

Loving and approving of yourself creates a safe space. Trust, value, and recognition will work together in your mind, creating more loving relationships in your life, leading to a better work and living environment, and even your weight will return to normal.

Someone who loves and values themselves and their body will never abuse themselves or others.

Louise Hay is clear: "Loving myself begins with 'stopping blaming myself for everything.'" Criticism, blame, denial, and attacks lock us into unchangeable patterns. Understanding and being kind to ourselves helps us change our negative reaction patterns.

Stop blaming yourself. It's useless. Appreciate yourself and see what happens.

I can say with confidence that my life changed for the better only after I started to approve of and accept myself. I also appreciate the meaning of "when you start to love yourself, the whole world will come to love you."

I can say with confidence that my life changed for the better only after I started to approve of and accept myself. I also deeply appreciate the meaning of "when you start to love yourself, the whole world will come to love you."

You can't learn to love and accept yourself overnight. It's something you have to work at. The book has lots of exercises and declarations you can use.

Tell yourself, "I love myself, I approve of myself, and everything is fine in my world!"

Read "Accepting an Imperfect Self" and "Embracing Your Inner Child" (by Krishnananda and Amana). These books will help you improve your level of self-acceptance, build courage to face difficulties, and live the present moment bravely, openly, and with hope. They will also help you embrace a bright future.

Read "Accepting an Imperfect Self" and "Embracing Your Inner Child" (by Krishnananda and Amana). They will help you improve your level of self-acceptance, build courage to face difficulties, and live the present moment bravely, openly, and with hope, welcoming a bright future.

I am confident that you will find this helpful. Best wishes!

Hello, host! Happy New Year!

My name is Ma Na, and I'm a psychological counselor. I can see that you have high expectations for the new year, and I sincerely hope that your dreams come true.

I'm not sure what has transpired over the past 26 years, but it seems that your family of origin has had a significant impact on your happiness. You are hopeful that things will change and that you will become a different person in the new year.

I would like to suggest that everyone has the right to choose their own way of life, and that the influence of the original family can also be changed. Persistence and openness to trying something new may lead to a different life that you are looking forward to.

It may not be an easy process of change, and there may be many obstacles along the way. However, there is no need to be afraid. We are all here with you, ready to support you in overcoming the difficulties and obstacles together.

Twenty-six is a great age because you have the ability to make some choices and from now on, you can be the master of your own life. The future is still long and there are many opportunities for positive change.

Firstly, it would be beneficial to gain a deeper understanding of ourselves. Could you please identify what you feel are the areas for improvement?

Could you please elaborate on the specific impact that the original family has had on you? What kind of perception did it give you?

Secondly, it is important to accept yourself. One of the most constructive attitudes towards reality is acceptance, even when it is unchangeable.

Perhaps it would be helpful to accept the real you now, and to feel it. Accepting does not necessarily mean agreeing, but rather allowing yourself to be what you are for the time being.

Then, it would be helpful to clarify the direction of change. Perhaps you could find your own direction of change and make plans for your future. It seems that the future looks the way you make it, so every decision is our own choice.

Regardless of the circumstances, we have the courage to face them because we have chosen to do so.

Ultimately, it is important to persevere. The path to change is often challenging and unpredictable.

We all face challenges in life, and these can bring both joy and confusion.

No one's life is without challenges, and success is not solely defined by fame and wealth. It is about striving to do your best within your abilities. It is about having the courage to face all kinds of situations in life, whether it's sunny skies or a stormy path, and forging ahead is often the best choice.

Question author:

I am Kelly Shui.

New Year's resolutions are a time to reflect on the past and make a fresh start. I am certain you will have new gains in the new year.

[Understanding your own family of origin]

We all are influenced by our family of origin, to a greater or lesser extent. I am no exception.

Understand your parents and their relationship with you.

Name their strengths and weaknesses. Explain how they have affected you.

We will also say goodbye to our biological families. When we grow up, we will get married and build a new family of our own with the people we love.

You are thinking about your relationship with your family of origin and how to face it.

If we have received negative influences or a lot of "hurt" in our family of origin, we must get out of the shadows.

A counselor can help us understand our family and ourselves at the same time. Let's take a look at our own family of origin and its interaction patterns.

We know the why. We know we are suffering in our original family. We know we must face the suffering head-on. We know we must look at the truth with curiosity and exploration.

If you want to break away from the influence of your original family, you need to understand why you are confused.

For example, I was also confused about my original family, and I needed answers. In 2022, I studied family therapy in depth.

I needed to understand the respective upbringings of my parents, their patterns of interaction, and how their experiences from childhood have influenced my personality.

Create a family tree of your own original family.

After drawing the family tree with the counselor's help, I identified several issues.

Why draw a family tree?

1: A family tree helps us understand who our family members are, and we feel a sense of belonging when we are part of one.

2: A family tree proves that we are influenced by everyone in our family, not just one person.

The family is a system in which everyone is cause and effect of each other.

The family tree must cover at least three generations: our own, our parents', and our grandparents'.

We can go beyond our previous foundation by recognizing the strengths and weaknesses of generations.

You can and will go beyond your previous foundation.

Each generation has a different mission to fulfill.

4: After drawing the family tree, you must create a "family chronicle" of three generations of ancestors and descendants, writing down the important and significant events experienced by family members one by one.

For example, birth, death, marriage, divorce, major illness, career change, financial situation, etc. (Recall as much as you can. You will learn more about your family through the process of sorting things out.)

5: Even if we have not immediately reconciled with our parents, we can still understand that by putting ourselves in the system, we can start by changing you. You change the system, and you change.

[GROW YOURSELF]

1: If you want to start a brand new life in 2023, you have to completely say goodbye to the past and break free from the 26 years of mental shackles that my original family has brought me.

You can make plans and change them if you need to.

First, assess the stability of your relationship with your parents and other family members.

You need to decide if you want to change yourself. You have to be willing to tell them your true feelings. You have to be able to be honest with each other.

Second, you must return to yourself, establish boundaries, and realize that your parents' relationship is their business and your growth is your business.

Write out all the things that have troubled you in the past and let them go.

Third, when we start to try to change, we must start with something that is easy to change. We cannot choose a very challenging or even huge change right from the start. This will only lead to frustration and failure.

If you say you want to change completely, you must understand that even changing a little bit is a success. If you pay attention to yourself and don't pay attention to your parents, or if you are not affected by your parents' emotions, you are making progress.

Fourth, if you cannot communicate with your parents, feel distant from them, and want to improve the relationship, write a letter. Take action. You will make progress.

You must change yourself if you want to change. Don't expect changes in others.

This way, you can train yourself more. You will find that you are not affected by your parents' emotions and you will also be more determined to be yourself.

Read Mr. Irwin Yalom's "Becoming Myself." It's a process of firming oneself that began at the age of 14.

Fifth, changing oneself is a frustrating process. If we are trying to change others to change our relationship with our family of origin, we will remain in the same relationship.

At the same time, we must be prepared for the fact that when we want to make big changes and expect this relationship, even family members may not understand or cooperate. They may even denigrate you, but we must remain calm and in control of our emotions.

If we are prepared for this and accept it, then we can tell ourselves that we did our best and accept the result when things don't go as we wish.

Then adjust your mindset and continue to grow yourself.

Sixth, as the saying goes in psychology, those who suffer change. At this time, the ability to "differentiate" is crucial.

Self-differentiation is good for us. It helps us become rational and emotionally mature.

We must stand in the shoes of "I" and have a "I" position. This means accepting ourselves and accepting the differences between ourselves and others.

7. We must also learn to express our emotions and feelings clearly and effectively, and live according to goals that we consider valuable and meaningful, rather than following the rules set by our family.

In this process, we do not judge our family members. We thank them when they help us and tell ourselves that we are 26 years old, we have the ability to change ourselves, and we can pursue our dreams.

I have a quote to share with you:

Ronald said, "When your role and position in the family change, the emotional mechanism within the family will also be out of balance, and other people will feel uncomfortable. Anticipate as many possible situations as possible to better cope with them."

Don't try to change others. Focus on yourself, and your strength will be concentrated.

Read "The Courage to Be Disliked"!

I wish you well.

The world and I love you.