Actually, I am evading a problem. My husband and I are not close enough. What should I do?

Dear questioner, Thank you for your question.

Your question made me realize that you are in pain in your marriage and feel wronged.

Let's talk about emotions.

Regarding the question of "what is the way he will listen and really be willing to change?," I firmly believe that feeling aggrieved does not give you the right to blame your husband.

We have a lot of emotional feelings.

We must slow down and first feel our feelings properly. When we become aware of ourselves and deal with our feelings, specifically what emotions and thoughts they are, and then further sort through these things, it will be very helpful to unblock ourselves.

Once we have unblocked ourselves, we can more easily understand our husbands and what is going on.

The source of your grievance is likely a reflection of your intimate relationship. Even if you leave your intimate relationship behind, you can still find a lot of grievance in your subconscious.

When you feel aggrieved, you tend to express it in one way or another, such as avoidance. This means suppressing your emotional feelings and not expressing yourself.

2. Let's talk about the pattern of avoidance.

You know this avoidance is something you use a lot, don't you?

Avoidance is useful, which is why we still use it today. However, as problems become more complex, we must actively choose to face them and find solutions, rather than passively avoiding them.

This leads to a passive and powerless situation.

The truth is, the things that prompt us to avoid a situation are not just things that we can't handle for the time being. They are also times when we are overwhelmed by emotions such as fear. We must deal with some of our negative emotions and face the problem head-on. We need to see that the situation may not be as bad as we think.

3. Change.

When it comes to change, it is always the one who suffers who makes the change.

Let me be clear: change is something that can only happen if the person involved wants to change. If we expect the other person to change, then whether they change or not will be due to the other person, not our own will.

This means that the internal drive for him to change cannot be generated, and there is no motivation to drive him to change.

Changing oneself and letting go of expectations of others is the easier and more practical approach.

I am confident that the above answers will be helpful to you. The world and I love you.

Good morning, I hope this message finds you well. I am writing to inquire about your question. Please let me know if I can be of further assistance. Best regards,

I am an intern at Yixinli, available to listen to your concerns.

From your description, it appears that you are experiencing significant concerns about your current marriage. You seem to be both eager and afraid to express these concerns, which may be leading to feelings of helplessness.

You appear to be primarily concerned about the attitudes of others toward you, including comments from friends, in-laws, children, and your husband.

Additionally, it would be beneficial to understand your own attitude towards this situation.

[Avoidance mentality?

Psychology posits that all human actions originate from motivation.

In business, before taking action, we will unconsciously seek to avoid potential problems and pursue opportunities, weighing the probable outcomes. The more we think and the more we calculate, the more we seem to find it difficult to act, so we think, "Forget it," or "Let's wait and see," and in the end we choose to avoid the situation.

Perhaps you will say that you tried, but it did not work out. Did you, in fact, give it your all?

When we are pursuing a goal and encounter an obstacle that does not yield the anticipated results, it can lead to feelings of frustration and a sense that the goal is becoming increasingly unattainable. This can trigger a series of psychological and physiological reactions.

For individuals with limited emotional resilience, a significant challenge may be low self-esteem.

Low self-esteem

Individuals who habitually avoid challenges may unconsciously perceive problems as a reflection of their perceived inadequacy, leading to a self-fulfilling prophecy of failure. At the same time, they may also be concerned about the potential consequences of failure, including ridicule, misunderstanding, and rejection. To avoid these outcomes, they may initially deny their own capabilities.

This inferiority complex may be related to one's upbringing and may result from parents who are overly demanding and who convey the message that their child is not good enough, regardless of their actions. This can lead to a lack of self-esteem and a negative self-perception.

[Solution]

If the questioner identifies that they are avoiding the issue, it is essential to learn how to resolve it in order to stop being "oppressed."

It is important to be able to see ourselves objectively.

Firstly, it is essential to identify our inner voice and thoughts.

It would be beneficial to consider the following questions: What am I avoiding? What am I most afraid of?

Is the issue truly insurmountable, or is there a solution that I am reluctant to pursue?

Minimize psychological burden.

Over time, you can reduce your mental load.

Eliminate the factors that contribute to your unhappiness, cease dwelling on negative thoughts, refrain from speculating about hypothetical scenarios, and minimize the mental burden you face.

Modify your outlook.

It is important to recognise that everyone has both weaknesses and strengths. While it is valuable to identify areas for improvement, it is also beneficial to focus on one's strengths.

While it is not feasible to immediately transition from avoidance to a positive state, we can begin with our strengths and gradually enhance our confidence.

There is valuable insight to be gained from a variety of books on the subject.

There are numerous psychology-related books that can assist in achieving the aforementioned steps. Some examples include "The Power of Empathy," "A Change of Heart," "Nonviolent Communication," and "The Courage to Be Disliked."

These books are suitable for the general public and provide guidance on self-growth.

I hope these resources will provide you with the courage to address the issue here.

Greetings! I extend a warm embrace from a distance to you first.

In the context of marital conflict, individuals may experience a sense of powerlessness and helplessness, coupled with a longing for understanding and support.

From your description, it is evident that you are preoccupied with the expectations of others and their attitudes towards the challenges in your marriage. However, you seem to neglect your own role in actively shaping the situation. As the primary decision-maker in your marriage, you are the only person who can make changes. It is crucial for you to take ownership of your role and identify areas where you could improve.

It is recommended that the individual take the initiative in their marriage. This entails avoiding avoidance, shrinking back, and shirking responsibilities. Instead, it is advised that the individual face the situation and assume responsibility for it in a courageous manner. In particular, it is important to acknowledge and become more aware of the individual's current uncomfortable emotional feelings. These feelings should be experienced, felt, and understood. The individual should then attempt to identify the underlying needs that are driving these emotions. For instance, the desire to be accepted, understood, supported, approved of, respected, and loved.

Once the underlying needs that give rise to distressing emotional states in a marital context have been identified and explored, it becomes possible to accept and understand one's current emotional state. This understanding then informs the way in which these inner needs are responded to, which may entail a shift in the way one relates to one's spouse. For instance, a wife may choose to communicate her genuine feelings and desires regarding her marital relationship to her husband in a forthright and courageous manner. However, it is crucial to refrain from making judgments about his behaviour or attitude. Instead, the focus is on expressing one's authentic feelings and needs.

Concurrently, this aspect of the desire for responsiveness and satisfaction within the marital context can be addressed through individual action. This entails treating oneself in accordance with one's own preferences, honoring one's authentic bodily and mental sensations, and learning to respond to and fulfill one's own needs in a timely and appropriate manner.

My name is Lily, and I am a member of the Q&A Center staff. I extend my warmest regards to you all, and I wish you well.

A cordial salutation to the host.

Furthermore, it is essential to possess the capacity to comprehend the emotional distress experienced by the homeowner as a consequence of the lack of intimacy within the marriage.

In the majority of marriages, there are issues that vary in their severity.

In response to these challenges, some individuals may opt to disengage from their marital relationship and seek solace outside of it.

Some individuals allow their issues to intensify over time.

The most crucial factors that contribute to a harmonious and fulfilling marriage are:

The three key factors that contribute to a happy marriage are intimacy, material resources, and responsibility.

The term "intimacy" encompasses a range of concepts, including:

These include passion, understanding, tolerance, and spiritual dependence.

It is a fundamental human desire to be understood by another individual. This understanding should extend beyond mere comprehension to encompass a profound spiritual exchange.

If couples are able to understand and tolerate each other, the marriage will foster a sense of comfort.

In addition, material considerations may include:

The couple's material circumstances are at least satisfactory, including their housing, vehicle, and income sufficient for meeting their basic needs.

The responsibilities inherent to the marital relationship include:

The commitment to remain in the relationship until the death of one of the partners, regardless of circumstances.

The responsibility of guiding children through the process of maturation to adulthood.

It can be reasonably asserted that the optimal marital relationship is one that exhibits all three of these qualities.

A marriage state that is even less optimal than the aforementioned is:

A further consequence of this is that boredom may set in due to the lengthy periods of time spent together.

The loss of novelty, a lack of intimacy, and a considerable amount of resentment and arguments are indicative of a marriage in decline.

However, the standard of living is satisfactory, there are no significant issues between the two parties, and they are responsible for their children.

Proper communication can facilitate a happy state of marriage in such a marriage.

A marriage that is somewhat less optimal than the aforementioned example is one

A marriage devoid of intimacy, material constraints, and responsibility.

Such a marriage is replete with issues, devoid of comprehension and affection.

Those who are engaged in a lifestyle of constant work and financial concerns often report a lack of emotional fulfillment and a sense of helplessness.

Ultimately, the most detrimental state of marriage is:

The relationship is characterized by a lack of intimacy, the presence of interpersonal conflicts, and a minimal level of responsibility towards the children.

Such a marriage is characterized by a lack of intimacy, material resources, and responsibility.

It is reasonable to inquire as to who might possibly persevere in such a marriage.

In order to gain insight into your current marital status, it is recommended that you compare it with the aforementioned situation and identify the areas in which you may be lacking.

Furthermore, the lack of intimacy is a significant issue.

Subsequently, the host may assume the role of initiating physical and emotional proximity, establishing a conducive environment, and guiding the other individual towards a state of heightened intimacy.

In a marital context, there is no stipulation that the male partner must assume the role of initiator in matters of a sexual or intimate nature. The onus is on both parties to determine the appropriate course of action in accordance with their individual needs and desires.

In addition, a lack of material resources may be a factor.

It is optimal to enhance one's capabilities and secure the financial resources necessary for self-sufficiency.

In the event that one is compelled to assume the role of a stay-at-home mother due to exceptional family circumstances, it is imperative not to abandon one's pursuit of self-improvement.

It is optimal for the individual in this role to oversee the family's financial matters, rather than making arbitrary expenditures for personal gain. Instead, the objective should be to develop a strategic plan for the family's future.

In the event of a lack of responsibility,

Furthermore, if the husband does not provide financial support or demonstrate interest in his children, the marriage may be considered a "widowed-type marriage," a term used to describe a marriage where the husband has died or is otherwise absent.

In a marriage of this nature, it is the woman who experiences the greatest degree of suffering.

At this juncture, the individual experiencing distress will make a decision and implement a change.

Regardless of the type of marriage, the individual experiencing distress will inevitably implement alterations and make decisions.

Ultimately, the attainment of happiness is contingent upon one's own actions and decisions.

It is not possible to alter the behaviour of other individuals, including one's spouse or children.

It is only possible to alter one's own state of mind.

In the absence of expectations, disappointment is precluded.

However, if one does not have excessive expectations of one's partner, one is less likely to experience disappointment.

Ultimately, it is my sincere hope that you will enjoy a happy life.

I am Warm June, and I extend my love to the world and to you.

My objective is to provide you with comfort in the midst of your conflicts, depression, grievances, and anger. I am Jia Jia.

Firstly, I must admit that I was somewhat perplexed by your description and unsure of the root causes of the issues you have highlighted. It seems there is a communication gap between you and your husband, which is preventing you from understanding each other's perspectives. Could you please elaborate on how you perceive your current situation and what you consider to be the highlights of your shared history?

Please provide your thoughts and plans for the future and current development and family life. These may be issues that require resolution through joint effort.

Secondly, is the lack of intimacy between the two of you related to the growth of the child? Is it related to residing with your parents for an extended period?

It would be beneficial to ascertain whether the two of you lack the time and opportunity to communicate and understand each other on your own. It is unlikely that conflicts and rifts form in a day; they accumulate over time. Therefore, it would be helpful to determine how long it has been since you were remotely close to each other.

Identifying the root cause and tracing the source of the issue may facilitate a resolution.

Thirdly, intimacy is a mutual process that requires two individuals to interact and adapt together. In some cases, couples may benefit from counseling to facilitate change.

I hope I can be of assistance. Please persevere.

I look forward to maintaining contact with you via the public account: 假模贾样的青年 (ID: qingnianJIA2020).

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