After 5 years of marriage and having a 3-year-old baby, my husband hit me for the first time. Should I forgive him?

Hello! The great news is that there is only a difference between 0 times and countless times of domestic violence.

When you encounter domestic violence, the most important thing you can do is reflect on the cause and location of the violence. If the violence is caused by the victim's own reasons, it is a false domestic violence. For example, the abuser does not like nagging, and the victim nags endlessly, and is eventually beaten. What you can do is refrain from provoking the abuser and find the right time and place to talk about things.

If you find yourself in a situation where you are vulnerable to domestic violence, it's time to make a change! Get out of that environment and start anew.

If the victim of domestic violence is not at fault, it is simply the abuser's problem. And guess what? You have the power to take control and keep yourself safe!

Let's get back to the reality discussed by the original poster. Whether it's occasional domestic violence or a life like this in the future, the easiest way to deal with it is to find out about the marital status of the in-laws. Usually, wife-beating is learned from the original family. Habits are hard to change, but you can do it!

In such a marriage, there absolutely must be a bottom line! For example, if there is just one more time, it will be divorce.

Now is the perfect time to have a good talk with the other person to resolve any potential conflicts!

And now for some more good news! I'll also give you some ways to get help: call the police, contact local women's federations, or other organizations. People are equal, whether they are men or women, whether they earn more or less. And guess what? No one has the right to hit the other!

I really hope my advice can help you!

Good day, host.

He proceeded to kick you in the head once more, this time over a trivial matter, in full view of the children. It is evident that at that moment, your husband did not prioritize your feelings or those of the children.

It is unfortunate when a mother is unable to protect herself and her child.

"You do not wish to initiate divorce proceedings for the benefit of the children?"

From serious PUA to domestic violence.

You are aware that this constitutes an escalation.

What are the potential implications for the child of this quality of marriage?

If the child is a daughter, she will likely develop a tendency to distrust men.

Furthermore, if he is a son, he will also display a lack of respect for women.

[Continue to develop]

It may be the case that your focus on personal growth is a direct result of the challenges you face in your daily life.

Once you have reached a sufficient level of strength, you will be able to determine the type of life you wish to lead.

A complete family is not merely a matter of form; it is also a question of substance.

[Did not request your forgiveness afterwards]

It is irrelevant whether or not forgiveness is sought.

Those who are adept at domestic violence are highly skilled at requesting forgiveness.

Your husband may attribute the reason for his actions to external factors.

He may also be confident that you will be more likely to compromise and therefore see no need to seek your understanding.

[What you do]

Even if you are not currently considering a divorce, it is important to demonstrate that you have the option to leave the relationship at any time.

If you wish to continue the cohabitation, it is essential that the other party is held to account for their actions. This may entail financial compensation, behavioural modification, or other forms of redress.

He may attempt to reason with you, but it is important to remember that you are not trying to reason. You are simply expressing your feelings and your needs.

For example, I am residing with you due to our relationship. I am not interested in discussing the matter further. Your actions have caused me significant distress. If you wish to continue living together, you must implement changes to prevent further incidents of violence. My expectations are as follows:

Otherwise, I will be unable to proceed with this matter.

If you are unable to commit to changing your behavior and instead accept it with verbal promises, there is a significant risk that your husband will view you in a negative light in the future.

My name is Amy, and I hope you will handle the situation in a prudent manner. This is not simply a matter of divorce or not.

Hello, friend! I'm Yunshan.

From what you've told me, it seems like you've got a really good head on your shoulders. You've thought carefully about what's happened and you know exactly what you want and why. I can see why you're asking me this: "What can I do to make him realise that there is something wrong with him?" It's so hard to know what to do in situations like this. I can tell you're trying to forgive your lover, which is why you're focusing on how to communicate with him.

It's so important to remember that no matter when it happens, domestic violence is never, ever something you should forgive the victim for.

But you choose to forgive because you need to forgive. This is the voice inside you, and no one else can judge or make a choice for you. You've got this!

No matter what you choose, it's what your heart needs right now. There's no right or wrong. Everyone's inner growth goes through a process that can take a long time. Some people are constantly changing and growing throughout their lives. This is related to our experiences, our perceptions, and our living environment. When the living environment and living conditions change, your heart slowly changes, and then you make corresponding changes in behavior. This is also why many divorced people fight like crazy, even though they were so in love when they got married.

It's also really good for a child's development to have a happy marriage and a warm family atmosphere. It's not just about being formal or complete. And it's not about the existence of PUA or domestic violence. From a psychological point of view, if there is domestic violence once, there will be countless times. You may choose to forgive once, twice, or three times, but would you be willing to forgive countless times? Perhaps you feel like you can still make an effort and try to change him. But can you wake someone up who is pretending to be asleep?

Or maybe you're afraid that the life you've built will be disrupted, that you'll have to face changes, new challenges, and difficulties, so it's safer to stay where you are, even if you have to face those difficult things.

No matter what you choose, it'll be tough. You'll face a lot of uncertainty and pain. Have you thought about asking for help from your family, friends, or even the government? They might be able to help you.

We all have the capacity for great strength, even if we don't always feel it. It's so important to believe in yourself and your abilities. Please believe that those strengths really exist and will definitely help you.

I really hope you can find the strength to get through the pain and hardship and find a path that makes you happy.

I love you all so much! I'm Yunshan, and I'm sending you all lots of love from the world and I! ?

Question asker:

Hello! I just wanted to say that I really feel for you after reading about your experiences.

I think many women marry thinking that they are looking for a man to protect them from the elements, but they don't realize that from then on, all the storms in life will be brought by this man! It's an interesting thing, isn't it?

I can only imagine how hard it must have been for you to accept that your husband kicked you in the head over something so trivial. It's so unfair that the man you married and did everything for could treat you like that.

Or maybe you even doubt yourself and wonder if you married the wrong person? We can imagine how you must be feeling, and we're here to support you. You are also in pain and disorientation, wondering if you should forgive someone like this.

The child is just so adorable! Of course, you don't want him to be without a family at the age of 3. So, have you had a chance to calm down for the moment? Let's try to figure out if there were other reasons for what happened.

I'm just trying to understand. What was the little thing that triggered your husband's violent behavior? Has he always been an emotional person who loses control easily?

Or is there more to it than just this one little thing? I'd really love to know what you want after this incident.

I know it can be hard to think about the future, especially when it comes to keeping the family together for the sake of the children. It's natural to worry about what might happen next. What if there is more violence in the future?

And after the incident, your husband didn't apologize to you, and he even said that he was right, which also made you feel particularly bad, didn't it? Is your husband a relatively strong-willed person? I'm so sorry you had to go through that.

I wonder if it's possible that he knows he's wrong inside, but just doesn't want to admit it, just to maintain his false sense of security and pride?

I think you're right, though. If you're determined not to divorce, but your husband is unwilling to admit his fault, there's no point in continuing the stalemate, don't you think? We're all suffering from this kind of hurt, and it's really difficult to calm the resentment in our hearts all of a sudden. We can't accept his behavior, nor can we truly let go of it. So don't force yourself. Just accept your own mood at this moment, and accept yourself so that you can have the energy to face the trivial matters of life more easily.

Of course, we all want to live in a world without domestic violence. I really hope that this was just an isolated incident. If you can, try to find a time when you're both feeling good to talk openly and come to an agreement on things like this. The most important thing is that you both feel heard and that you agree it should never happen again.

You were betrayed within the first three years of marriage, and you adjusted by reading books and learning to get over it. This shows that you are really a very strong person and are willing to work hard to grow for the sake of your marriage. This is really admirable, and I think that if you have this awareness, you can also continue to learn, such as learning about the management of marital emotions and related psychological knowledge. If you feel really troubled, you can also seek the help of a professional counselor.

I truly believe you can do it! You are just as fearless as you were when facing PUA!

I really hope you can get out of this tricky situation soon and find some happiness! Thanks so much!

Good morning, question asker.

It seems that you are still affected by your husband's first act of domestic violence. You have expressed a desire for a divorce, but you are concerned about the impact it might have on your children.

It's a very complex situation.

I'm not sure how long you and your husband have been married, what the foundation of your relationship is, or what might have triggered your husband's behavior.

Could you please clarify what you mean by "irrational behavior"?

Could you please clarify what you meant by being pua for three years during the marriage?

Let's start by discussing the issue of domestic violence.

I'm not sure what kind of person your husband is. Could his domestic violence be an impulsive reaction to his character?

It would be helpful to understand whether your actions may have triggered his behavior.

If it is his nature, then perhaps a bit of caution is in order.

It is possible that your compromise and concession this time may be perceived as a reward by him.

It is possible that your actions may be inadvertently reinforcing his violent behavior.

It would be helpful to be aware of yourself and your own behaviour if you find yourself the first to lose your temper, saying hurtful things and annoying your partner.

Could you please elaborate on what kind of inner conflict might trigger anger that makes it difficult to hold back?

Perhaps it would be helpful to discuss whether you should consider divorce.

Ultimately, it depends on the foundation of your relationship and what your needs are.

If there is no love left for each other and the situation has become violent, it may be time to consider whether staying together is the best option.

It is worth considering that, for the sake of the children, it may be challenging to guarantee that they can grow up happily and healthily in a marriage and family where the couple are at odds.

If you would like to avoid divorce and would like your husband to recognize that he needs to take responsibility for the situation, you may want to consider...

Could you please elaborate on what this feasible plan should entail?

Firstly, it would be beneficial to make your husband aware of the emotional and behavioural patterns that may cause you discomfort.

It would be helpful to try to understand and feel your husband's immediate emotional response, as well as what emotional state it is.

It would be helpful to consider what impact this has on you. Sharing your thoughts and feelings in a timely manner could be beneficial.

Secondly, it would be beneficial to focus on maintaining your own emotional stability.

If your husband is prone to emotional outbursts and easily provoked, it would be beneficial for him to learn to control his negative emotions.

It might also be helpful to consider the possibility that if your emotions are also prone to getting out of control, it could be beneficial to try to calm yourself down before an emotional outburst.

It might be helpful to take a moment to physically cool down and change locations to avoid strong stimuli for your husband.

If I might make one more suggestion, it would be to help your husband face his feelings.

One way to approach your husband's negative feelings is to accept them.

It's important to remember that you and your husband are different individuals, and it's not always possible to replace his feelings with your own.

It is important to remember that there is no right or wrong feeling. All feelings are accepted, but certain behaviors may need to be restricted.

By accepting your husband's feelings, you can begin to focus on changing your own emotions.

Here are four tips to help your husband face his feelings:

(1) It would be beneficial to listen attentively.

(2) You might consider responding to his feelings with something like "Oh..." "Hm..." "I see..."

(3) It might be helpful to tell him how you feel.

Fourthly, we will explore ways to keep love alive.

It might be helpful to combine your personality traits, interests, and values to see what other connections of love there are.

Perhaps it would be helpful to imagine how you first fell in love with each other, and how the romance of the past has become unfamiliar and alienating.

You might consider learning to cook a dish that your husband enjoys.

It might be helpful to consider some ways to dress more beautifully and sexy.

If I might make one last suggestion, it would be to consider softening your attitude and allowing a gentler, more charitable approach to take hold. Let your tenderness shine through, but avoid any hint of pretense.

The above analysis and suggestions are intended to serve as a reference point. I am always here for you at Yixinli!

Good evening. I give you a 360-degree hug.

Your interactions with others are also a factor. I recently read a book called "How Not to Like Someone." The details page includes a quote: "This book cannot fix a bad emotional relationship for you because those people cannot be changed."

But it will help you start over and be happy again. You will learn to trust yourself and carry on bravely in this cruel world with the wisdom of a survivor and a "dreamer," a gentle miracle.

Your questions and feedback make it clear that you have always been the one being passive-aggressive in this relationship. You have tried to grow and slowly walk away from being passive-aggressive.

But now this kick has put you back at square one. Fortunately, this time, you can think more deeply about the matter.

From my perspective as a psychological counselor, it is challenging for the other party to change without outside intervention. Your feedback indicates that the other party believes that hitting someone is wrong, but both parties are at fault and the issue has been resolved, so it should not be revisited.

I am certain that if you just let it go this time, similar problems will arise in the future.

I know it will. The price of hitting someone is too low. Just do it and say you did it, and it will be over.

You must remember that how others treat you is something you teach them.

You are not at fault, and you are not expected to know how to deal with PUA people.

If you know and have seen the other person clearly, and they still let you get hurt, then that is your responsibility.

Children are a factor, but an unhappy, complete family is not as good as a single mother who can care for her.

You may need to shoulder the responsibility for the failure of the marriage, the lack of understanding from others, the disappointment of your children, etc. There are indeed many practical considerations.

You can stay in your current marriage, but you need to understand the future you will face.

Listen to your heart.

I am both Buddhist and pessimistic, but I also know how to be positive and motivated when I need to be. The world is a wonderful place, and I love it.

Dear Questioner,

My name is Yi Ming, and I am a heart exploration coach.

I empathize with your predicament and would be delighted to engage in discourse with you.

I empathize with your predicament and would be delighted to engage in discourse with you.

It is my hope that this will provide some measure of comfort and inspiration.

It would be beneficial to discuss what his behavior means to you and to clarify your attitude.

I am aware that you do not wish to pursue a divorce.

"However, at this juncture, I am uncertain as to whether I should elect to tolerate the situation or not. The child is particularly endearing, and I am reluctant to see him grow up in an imperfect family structure at such a tender age." It is inevitable that individuals will interpret similar behaviors in disparate ways.

From our perspective, his actions have already reached a point of no return.

One might inquire as to the rationale behind the physical altercation.

Furthermore, it is imperative to explicitly convey to him that such conduct is wholly unacceptable.

This was the first occasion on which he had struck her, and she was not injured. From his perspective, this incident may not be regarded as domestic violence.

It is imperative that he is made aware that he may be engaging in the practice of manipulation.

It is imperative that we establish a clear and unambiguous stance on this matter. We cannot and will not tolerate such incidents.

We experience feelings of hurt.

What precipitated his emotional outburst, in which he asserted, "I was right in what I said and did"?

Is there an alternative course of action that could be employed the next time one experiences a loss of emotional control?

It would be beneficial to indicate that you would prefer to be left alone for a period of time.

It is imperative to refrain from allowing such actions to be carried out upon you.

Furthermore, it is possible to indicate the consequences that will result if the same action is repeated.

2. It is imperative to safeguard one's own well-being. There are numerous strategies that can be employed to address a given issue.

You stated that you experienced a significant degree of marital Pua during the initial three-year period of your marriage. Following an adjustment period during which you engaged in reading and learning activities, you have now emerged from this phase. I commend you for your resilience and determination.

You stated that you experienced a significant degree of marital infidelity during the initial three-year period of your marriage. Following an adjustment period during which you engaged in reading and learning activities, you have now emerged from this phase. I commend you for your efforts.

You demonstrate a commendable level of awareness and a willingness to evolve.

Furthermore, the shortcomings of the husband are also evident.

To illustrate,

Does he exhibit paranoid, petty, and controlling behaviors?

You have gained considerable experience in navigating your relationship with him.

If he exhibits deficiencies, we can provide guidance by delineating which behaviors will be met with consequences and which will be encouraged, as well as implementing appropriate rewards for desirable behaviors.

If he exhibits deficiencies, we can provide guidance by delineating which behaviors will be met with consequences and which are expected of him. Additionally, we can implement appropriate rewards for behaviors that are beneficial.

This is to regulate behavior through a reward and punishment mechanism.

It is possible to attempt to be flexible in one's decision to forgive or not forgive.

It is possible to forgive such behavior while simultaneously allowing the individual in question an opportunity to rectify their actions.

Should the individual persist in exhibiting uncooperative behavior and continue to cause distress, it may be necessary to reassess the relationship.

In a previous discussion, a psychologist posited that:

A favorable outcome of a marital dissolution is preferable to a favorable outcome of a divorce.

A favorable dissolution of marriage is preferable to an unfavorable one.

There are numerous reasons to remain in a marital union, potentially driven by practical considerations. However, it is crucial to acknowledge that the decision to stay in a marriage is ultimately a personal one.

Frequently, mothers will temporarily prioritize their children's well-being over their own and remain in a marriage for the sake of their children. In such cases, it is also crucial for mothers to mitigate the adverse effects of unhealthy dynamics within the marriage on their children.

It is of the utmost importance to cultivate one's own strength. In the event that a marriage is unable to provide a sense of happiness, it is possible to gain the confidence to leave a relationship that causes distress.

Please disseminate these materials as widely as possible.

I wish you the utmost success in your endeavors.

It is important to note that divorce is not the only option available. However, domestic violence should not be condoned. The question of forgiveness arises. If the other person does not acknowledge the problem with their behavior and shows no remorse, it is unlikely that forgiveness will be granted. The desire to reconcile with oneself is understandable, but it is not advisable. All problems have a cause and an effect. In this case, it is essential to understand why the other person resorted to violence. Was it a minor incident? Is it perceived as such by both parties?

If you do not affect his bottom line, but he chooses to respond with violence, what does that say about him? This is a question that is worthy of consideration. Many women choose to compromise and back down because of the children, but in today's society, the results are not optimal. The underlying issues have not been resolved, and they will ultimately become problematic. Of course, there are also some astute women who are adept at defusing conflicts, and they ultimately enable family members to coexist in a peaceful and constructive manner. If you believe you can, there is a possibility that your married life will improve. You can choose to remain silent, but that means tacitly agreeing to what he has done to you. Then the future may be that the current situation will repeat itself over and over again. Alternatively, you can choose to communicate, identify the root cause, discuss solutions together, enhance the present situation, optimize the relationship between the two parties, move closer in the same direction, and finally gain a deeper understanding of each other's feelings and embrace each other.

Ultimately, I hope you find happiness in your marriage and the confidence to maintain your personal standards.

From your description, it seems that your husband may have been abusive towards you. However, you managed to save yourself from that situation.

I think this is a wonderful outcome! It's a testament to the value of learning.

Now, the incident of him hitting you has resurfaced, and it happened in front of the child. If you were hurt at that time, how would you feel?

If I might make a suggestion, I believe that a relationship is an exchange of emotions, and that marriage is an exchange of values. It seems to me that the completeness of a family is not just about appearances, but also about the heart.

It is possible that behind the seemingly complete family, there may be underlying issues that could potentially impact the child in ways that are not immediately apparent. A mother's hope is often to provide her child with a complete family and a healthy environment in which to grow up.

It is worth considering whether parents with a poor relationship can provide a healthy environment for their children to grow up in.

Secondly, from your writing, it seems that your husband may have some difficulty understanding people. He tends to speak and act from his own standpoint. Unfortunately, this has resulted in some unfortunate incidents, including the instance of him hitting you and not apologizing. This has undoubtedly caused you a great deal of distress. Given these circumstances, it might be challenging for you to gain his understanding and forgiveness by choosing to suffer in silence for the sake of the children.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider whether you're sure he loves you and what you want from him.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider what he wants from you. Only you know the answer.

I often say that a woman should love someone who motivates her, not someone who always wears her down. While emotions are beyond our control, it's important to try to remain level-headed. If you choose to forgive, what do you think will happen next?

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider whether there might be a second time. If you choose not to forgive, you may wish to think about whether you are in a position to leave with your child. It might be helpful to consider whether you are in a position to take care of yourself and your child.

It might be helpful to consider whether he can afford it.

It might be worth noting that if a man often says these three things to you, it could be a sign that he is probably no longer in love with you. "Are you annoying?" "Stay out of my business." "Look at other people!"

You might also consider giving him another chance to talk, perhaps finding a plot from a TV show and discussing it together. This could help you understand whether his values align with yours.

Additionally, you will gain insight into how he might respond if you were to experience a similar situation. You can also share your innermost concerns and apprehensions with him when he is in a calm and composed state, which might allow you to understand his perspective better.

Perhaps you will gain insight if you give it a try.

Your husband has physically assaulted you. There have been several instances of physical altercations between the two of you, and there is a distinct atmosphere of animosity. This constitutes domestic violence. Given that this is the first occurrence and that it cannot become a pattern, there is still the possibility of effective communication and mutual adjustment.

Given that you have been married for five years and have a child together, it is unlikely that you will be able to simply choose to get a divorce because your partner hit you. Impulsive divorces are becoming increasingly rare, due to the introduction of a cooling-off period for divorce. It would be more beneficial for you both to consider the underlying reasons for this incident.

It is possible that a minor disagreement led to a loss of control over your emotions. The incident in which your husband kicked you in the head is particularly distressing, and the fact that it occurred in front of the children may have caused them significant trauma.

Regardless of the merits of the dispute, your husband's actions of striking another person are unacceptable and require immediate rectification. It is difficult to comprehend how he can justify such an action.

It is evident that a divorce is not a viable option at this time. Despite the challenges you have faced, you have demonstrated a willingness to improve yourself and move on from past difficulties. However, the other party may have made a number of accusations, which could be addressed through counseling or a period of separation to allow for reflection and healing.

I wish you the best of luck.

Please advise.

Dear Question Asker, I am honored to answer your question. I understand your description of the events. However, I believe that to provide an adequate answer, it is necessary to consider the underlying causes of your emotions. While you have described the events, they lack sufficient detail. Therefore, I would like to request further information regarding the specific details of this incident.

From your account, it appears that your husband has been unfaithful to you for approximately three years. This suggests that there are still a number of unstable factors present in your relationship. It seems that your husband has a strong desire to exert control over you.

An understanding of your husband's strong desire for control is crucial to the resolution of this issue.

Subsequently, your husband has not requested your forgiveness. He perceives your insignificant issue as an attempt to challenge his authority and dignity, which has caused her to feel insecure. It is advisable to seek professional assistance for a family consultation to conduct a comprehensive and systematic assessment of your marital status before making any further plans. This approach is more scientific and objective.

Since the objective is to preserve the integrity of the marriage, professionals will also assist in healing the behavior that has caused the rift. They will also provide guidance on actions within the marriage that have contributed to the breakdown in communication. It is important to note that maintaining a marriage requires not only patience but also the ability to think rationally, rather than simply reacting emotionally.

Furthermore, it will facilitate a more objective examination of your marital life. I am pleased to schedule an appointment for 1983. The world and I love you!

Hello.

This marriage does not make you happy. It brings you disappointment, helplessness, and inferiority. You try to maintain it, and I commend you for that. You have a reason to do so. I cannot understand you more, but I know you are trying.

You said he only hit you because of a trivial matter, and you are upset. In front of the children, this makes you feel embarrassed. You are also worried that it will impact the children's growth. You are torn between forgiving him and wanting him to realize that hitting you is wrong.

His behavior indisputably falls within the scope of domestic violence. In fact, I would say that the Pua you mentioned earlier also does.

Domestic violence is divided into physical violence, as you said, and also includes mental and sexual violence. You can and will maintain this family and continue to grow and learn despite the mental violence time and time again. What a powerful force! I know you know better than I do!

Tell me, what method did you use to make him realize his problem?

First of all, let me be clear: there are several causes of domestic violence.

1. Culture (patriarchal and matriarchal cultures make men feel superior to women, which is normal)

2. Personal history (i.e., whether there was domestic violence in his family).

3. Physiological factors (usually very short-tempered)

4. Women are weak or their advantages over the other party are greater.

5. Disparity in financial income

So which one of you is it?

I know you understand that domestic violence isn't something that can be solved with a single solution. I have a technique that can help reduce conflict between you. I suggest you try it.

First, when you see him getting angry, do not contribute to the situation. Leave the room, change the subject, but never show weakness.

When you both calm down, talk about your feelings, what you expect from him, and your shared goals.

You need to solve the problem at its root. Talk to one of our counselors or consultants. Persuade your husband to participate. Take this matter seriously. Domestic violence affects your lifelong happiness and your children's future marriage and perception.

The world and we love you. Believe in yourself! Things will get better and better!

Dear Question Asker,

I have been informed that you have been married for three years and were assaulted by your husband. It was challenging to save yourself, and you have since been assaulted again. As a woman, I admire your ability to rescue yourself and believe you possess a strong inner strength.

It appears that your primary concerns are whether you should forgive your husband for kicking you and even whether you should divorce him. However, you are hesitant and uncertain about whether your issues are solely your own. At the same time, you want to provide your child with a complete family.

First and foremost, it is imperative to recognize that your husband's actions, which included striking you and subsequently claiming that he had acted appropriately, are unacceptable. This constitutes a clear case of domestic violence, and it is crucial to understand that if there is a first incident, there is a high likelihood of subsequent occurrences. Domestic violence is never justifiable.

If you have reliable friends and family in your circle, it is advisable to inform them. You may also wish to seek assistance and report the incident to the relevant authorities to prevent a recurrence.

Furthermore, it is evident that you prioritize the well-being of your children. As a mother, you are willing to make significant sacrifices for their benefit. When contemplating forgiveness for your husband's actions, it is essential to consider the following points:

1. Please define your limits regarding your husband's accusations and physical abuse.

2. What would be your course of action if the limits you have set for yourself were to be exceeded?

3. Please describe the potential impact of your current approach to resolving conflicts with your husband on your children.

4. Who can assist you in the event of significant challenges?

5. Please describe what you believe to be the characteristics of an optimal family relationship and indicate whether you believe it is possible to modify the current situation to achieve this desired outcome.

I hope the above is of some assistance to you. Best regards,

It's so important to remember that the completeness of a family is not just superficial. What can truly influence a child's life is the relationship between the two of you and how you deal with things. What a child needs is always a harmonious, loving family, not just superficial completeness.

It's so important to have a warm family environment, and it can be just as damaging to have a family without warmth as it is to have a single-parent family.

When a marriage ends, it can feel like everything is up in the air again. It's still a matter between the two of you, and it can be hard to resolve conflicts. Sometimes, we look to our children to become the family's bond, which can feel like we're transferring our conflicts to them.

Maybe you both adore your little ones, but deep down, you might think, "If it weren't for the kids, we would have split up a long time ago." Kids are super perceptive, so they'll pick up on this kind of thinking, whether you mean to or not.

As parents, you're the role models for your children. You're teaching them so much! You're showing them how to build a family, find a partner, and take responsibility. It's so important to love and care for your kids. Even if you and your partner don't get along, you can still be a great example for your kids.

It's up to you and your partner to decide whether to stay together or separate. Either way, your love for your child will remain the same. You were together because you loved each other and wanted to build a family.

When you want to separate, it's not necessarily that one of you is bad. It's just that your love has ended and you feel that it's no longer suitable. You want to find a more suitable partner. In this process, you can still give your child everything he deserves in your own way. You won't drag him into that depressing atmosphere of open and hidden struggles.

We're all a little bit different, aren't we? Before we meet someone, we have our own good and bad points. But once we meet someone, we can sometimes lose sight of their faults and add some pretty unrealistic expectations to the mix.

When dreams are shattered, it's only natural to focus on the other person's shortcomings.

It's only natural to have disagreements in life. How can we move forward together? The road ahead is long, and we're not sure what it holds. Our next journey will be full of questions at the beginning and end, but what's missed now is truly missed.

Ultimately, only you can fully perceive your own heart. You need to consider whether you still love him, whether there is anything good about him, whether our lives can continue, whether you will accept him or choose to escape. Once upon a time, there was deep love, but now there are disagreements. Take your time to think clearly, talk about the past calmly, think about the past, reconcile yourself with the past, and find the most suitable path for the future, for the children, and for you.

A life for two is built together through hard work, and disagreements are a natural part of any relationship. The important thing is to find a way to resolve them that works for you both. Whatever the outcome, it's your decision, and don't involve the children.

I really feel for you, and I understand your dilemma so well. Saying goodbye to the old way of life is really tough. We all have our own weaknesses. Life is yours to live as you choose, and it's always a good idea to be really careful before making any big decisions.

Over the past five years of your marriage, you may have noticed that there's been a part of you that's been pulling away. It's been tough, and I can imagine you've felt the heartache and pain involved. You've probably found yourself taking a step back on more than one occasion, but you've never fully let go. I'm sure you had your reasons and considered all aspects. You may have felt that if you just hung in there a little longer and did better, you could make things better. But the truth is that things have unfortunately evolved into a situation of domestic violence. It's likely that the abuser also knows that you have one more person in your life who's tied to you, and that's your child. We all know that a woman will endure a lot for her child and will suffer in silence. Because of your child, you're one step closer to running away. But using a woman's inability to bear her child's problems to intensify control and harm is extremely unfair and wrong.

The good news is that the problem of domestic violence is no longer a matter of morality or ethics. It's already a violation of the law! You have the right to put aside other things in order to protect your right to life and health.

For the little one you can't let go of, three years old is enough to know how to feel for their mom, and they can also sense the discord within the family long before then. Just imagine how much sunnier a child would grow up in an atmosphere like this than a child whose parents divorce!

For children, a complete family is important, but the most important thing is the kind of example you see during your own growth stage. Wouldn't it be great to be a role model for your children who dares not escape from difficulties and dares not fight for their rights?

The decisions you make now will shape your future. You're deciding what kind of living environment and quality of life you'll have, and also what kind of memories you'll create for your children. I believe you have the best intentions for yourself, so go for it!

Good day,

Host:

My name is Zeng Chen, and I am a Heart Exploration coach. I have carefully read the post and believe I can discern a conflict and contradiction in the poster's heart from the content.

Furthermore, I would like to acknowledge the courage you have demonstrated in expressing your distress and seeking assistance on this platform. This will undoubtedly facilitate a deeper understanding of yourself, your husband, and the situation at hand, enabling more effective adjustments to be made.

I would like to share some observations and thoughts from my post, which I hope will provide you with a more diverse perspective on the situation.

1. Address the issue of violence.

From the aforementioned post, it can be observed that the host's husband lost control of his emotions over a very minor matter two days ago and struck me for the first time, or more accurately, kicked me in the head, in front of the children. I can understand how sad you are.

Irrespective of the cause, physical violence is unacceptable.

Furthermore, the host should be aware of how others treat us in our church. It would be advisable for the host to adopt a more principled stance in this matter.

If you do not take action, will the other person believe that it is acceptable to treat you in this manner? Regardless of your decision, demonstrate a greater level of courage and address the issue of violence head-on.

This is not a matter of love or lack thereof. It is a matter of principle. Courage is needed to address the situation directly, to express feelings, to communicate a clear stance, and to make the other party aware that their actions have caused significant distress.

It is important to understand that how others treat us is a reflection of our own behaviour. If we tolerate certain behaviours, it may lead to others thinking that they can treat us in the same way.

It is important to consider this matter carefully. When expressing our feelings and positions, it is essential to exercise caution and choose our words carefully. Rather than making accusations, we should express our feelings in a gentle but firm manner, using phrases such as "I feel..."

It is important to note that accusations can easily provoke the other person's defenses and emotions. As a woman, it is essential to protect yourself, given that there are still differences in strength between men and women.

2. Consider the type of relationship you desire.

In the original post, the host revealed that she experienced severe marital infidelity during the first three years of her marriage. However, through learning and reading, she was able to overcome this challenge.

It is encouraging to see that the original poster has been able to achieve this. It allows us to reflect on the reasons for getting married and the factors that initially attracted us to our spouses.

Please describe the type of intimate relationship you desire and your expectations for the relationship.

The host can explore this further by considering the following: only by understanding your own needs can you better determine your bottom line.

Furthermore, once you have identified your desired outcome, you will be in a position to determine what you are willing to relinquish.

The original poster indicated in the post that she did not want her daughter to grow up in an incomplete family because her daughter is very cute. However, if we continue to live a life of unhappiness,

Furthermore, she has chosen to remain in the marriage for the benefit of her daughter. However, there is a risk that when her daughter grows up, she may experience feelings of guilt and shame.

Therefore, the host must consider the following:

3. Adhere to your own boundaries.

A boundary is a delineation of what is and is not acceptable.

It should be noted that this line of thinking does not apply to a single issue. If the host decides to remain in the marriage, it is essential to establish boundaries in various aspects of their life.

It is important to communicate clearly with your colleagues about what is and is not acceptable.

Adherence to one's core principles provides clarity on expectations and enables the other party to understand how to treat us. When these principles are violated, it is essential to communicate our feelings and maintain our stance.

Should you require assistance, please do not hesitate to request it.

4. Pay close attention to verbal and non-verbal communication.

If he acknowledges his mistake and makes a commitment, it would be optimal for him to provide some form of "compensation" as part of the process.

It should be noted that the aforementioned compensation need not be financial in nature. It may, for example, take the form of assistance with domestic tasks. It is important to ensure that the individual in question understands that crossing the line requires taking responsibility.

Subsequently, he may demonstrate greater attention to detail.

Furthermore, after forgiveness has been requested, it is important to continue monitoring the situation. This includes observing the individual's verbal and non-verbal behaviors to gain insight into their future actions. It is essential to maintain a level of skepticism when evaluating the sincerity of their statements.

5. Additionally, you may ascertain the reasons behind your husband's recent behavior.

The original poster indicated that this was the first instance of physical violence in the past five years of marriage. The incident was prompted by a relatively minor issue.

This indicates that, in general, my husband's emotions remain relatively stable. You may therefore wish to consider the reasons behind his recent behaviour.

Additionally, it would be beneficial to ascertain how he typically expresses his emotions when he loses control or becomes emotional.

By taking these steps, the host may gain a deeper understanding of her husband's perspective.

Hello!

I understand how hurt, helpless, and confused you feel right now. You're going to be okay.

You may have heard the saying, "Domestic violence only has two possible outcomes: zero times or countless times." This is true. In a marriage, domestic violence is a serious situation that constitutes the bottom line of the marriage.

You also experienced a traumatic Pua before, and you got out of it. This time, your husband lost control of his emotions and hit you because of a very small thing. He didn't show any remorse, even in front of the children. This is an upgraded version of Pua. My advice is simple: don't tolerate it!

You've already decided you don't want a divorce. So, what rules can you give your partner to express your bottom line in these circumstances?

For example, you can separate, expand the scope of the matter to include other family members, and use other resources to make him realize his mistakes and show him that you are sincerely willing to change.

If you don't draw a line in the sand, there's a good chance the Pua domestic violence incident will happen again.

You're reluctant to divorce because the child is very cute. You don't want him to have an incomplete family at such a young age. But the truth is, it's more detrimental for a child to grow up in an environment where his parents are full of conflicts and the family is not harmonious than to grow up in an incomplete family.

You will likely pass this responsibility onto your children. You will think it's because of them that you stay in this marriage. You'll unconsciously tell them this, making them bear the consequences. This will harm your children's growth.

This kind of reasoning is also an excuse you use to justify your own dependence and cowardice.

Your desire not to get divorced for the sake of the children may be encouraging your husband's behavior.

I am not making the decision for you. I am simply offering analysis and advice. Divorce is a major life choice. You must make it according to your heart.

Let me be clear: relationships are two-way streets. The way others treat you is largely shaped by the way you treat them.

You must have zero tolerance when dealing with domestic violence. You also need to be stronger and more independent. This means you need to be psychologically independent in terms of personality, financially self-sufficient, and emotionally content.

You will be able to make your husband see his problems when you have these abilities.

I am confident that Hongyu's reply will be helpful to you. Thank you for asking!

As a woman, I can feel your sadness and grief from across the screen. My dear, I'm here for you. Going through this kind of thing is really painful. It's tough, but the pain also gives us wisdom and strength. At least you've started to notice the relationship between you two. It's still very entangled, but you've been exploring.

From what you've told me, it seems like you've been learning and improving in this relationship. You've just come out of a rough patch, but you've also experienced domestic violence. It seems like your husband hasn't been affected by your efforts to improve the relationship, and things have actually gotten worse.

So, where do you go from here? My view is that if you can show you've made an impact, if he's willing to change and you can reach a constructive consensus, there's still hope for the relationship. But if there's been a history of physical violence, it can cause a lot of psychological trauma. You need to heal this trauma before you can build a relationship. So, your priority should be to heal yourself, which might be more difficult than your previous efforts. I'd say there's hope, but also difficulties. If you can afford it, I'd suggest getting professional help, which might be faster.

I hope you're doing well and that you're getting closer to happiness!